


Chasing Smoke

by RulerOfCats



Series: The Fates [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Death, Drama, F/M, Fanfiction, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 58
Words: 298,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23849320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RulerOfCats/pseuds/RulerOfCats
Summary: The moment she realized her life was in danger she ran. It was cowardly, but Anomie wasn't one to fight and she wasn't one to die. But cowardice didn't matter when the world's view is through the kaleidoscope of a courtesan.Kakashi/OC
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Reader
Series: The Fates [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719502
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	1. HANA

**HANA**

Part I

REBIRTH

"I had to wonder if men were so blinded by beauty that they would feel privileged to live their lives with an actual demon, so long as it was a beautiful demon."

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Prologue

I INHALED THE SMOKE, causing a new wave of coughing to erupt in my throat. I knew it was pointless to continue running from the flames that tore through my village. I wasn't a ninja. I wasn't fit enough to jump over buildings and walk up trees. I wasn't anything.

The smog crowded over my eyes, and made it difficult to see my hands that attempted to wipe the dust from my vision as my feet slammed against the ground in a jog. My heart pounded in my chest as I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on edge. I still heard the screams, erupting in the distance. The smoke filled the environment and my disoriented breaths made it difficult to see where it was coming from.

I wasn't strong enough to help someone else, and I knew that the smart thing would be to keep on running. I squeezed my eyes shut as I used the last of my will power to continue my sprint. How am I supposed to help anyone if I couldn't save myself?

The screams kept me occupied enough to almost forget about the memory of my partner's throat, slashed open. I was certain those images would torment me if I let my thoughts stray. I squeezed my eyes shut as I used my shirt to block out the smoke. My kimono was already torn, so I didn't bother worrying about it now. I didn't bother worrying about much of anything besides running.

I didn't want to become anyone's dead victim...

I felt my shoe break, causing my body to slam into the ground just as I caught the glint of steel from the distance. I took a deep breath and attempted to kick off my broken shoe as my once perfectly clean hands clawed into the dirt when I tried to stand. I could tell my new attacker didn't expect me to get back up, as I obviously looked like a weak girl.

"You're rather pretty," the man stated and I saw that familiar shine in his eyes as his hand shot out and grabbed me by the chin. His body was slightly coated in the blood of villagers, and his face was rough and rather ugly.

I was going to be raped.

The thought shot through my head as his other hand went for my robes.

This was good. If his mind is clouded in lust, then it makes him that much more naïve and arrogant that a woman couldn't do anything when put in the position between a blade and a man.

He slammed my back against the house, his other hand trailing over my chest and in between my thighs. His tongue instantly devoured my neck as I felt him undo his pants.

"Please...be gentle," I whispered, timidly turning my head. He chuckled in my ear.

"I've never had someone be so compliant before," his tongue ran down my ear and I suppressed my inner disgust. "You're a slut aren't you? A whore? I can tell. I know a courtesan when I see one. Only whores are so easily swayed by the thought of a man's-" He let out a moan when he entered me, although I could barely feel it or anything else but the knife he held to my throat, whether or not I would feel it later was beyond my present comprehension.

Men with tiny dicks are always the first to consider rape.

I let out a fake moan, and I could tell by his expression that he was arrogant at whatever sound he could get out of a 'whore', as if his body was able to make a girl, no matter how experienced, turn into an innocent and amazed virgin. My hands gripped his sides, and he took that for pleasure, not noticing when my fingers nimbly twisted around his other knife and slid it from its holster.

"Please," I whispered, and if he wasn't so busy sucking on my neck, he probably would of noticed my eyes rolling as his exploring tongue felt more like a guy licking a lollipop rather than pleasuring a woman. He obviously was so lost in his ego that he didn't notice his hand that once held a dagger to my neck, was now in between his palm and the house for support. I rose the knife over the back of his neck, making it feel like I was embracing him from underneath his raised arms.

And the blade slid into his neck like cutting into bread, the tip puncturing through the skin that began to concave for its arrival. He quickly tried to separate, but trying to struggle or get away didn't turn a fatal wound whole. I ripped from his embrace before he could use his remaining breath to kill me. I wasted no more time to pull up my panties and run away from his last whisper of 'whore', leaving him gurgling in pain on the ground.

Getting raped was nothing I couldn't handle. It's only flesh. The only thing I feared was the fire, eating at my skin.

I could come back from rape...I can't come back from death.

My one bare foot made it difficult to run without hobbling, so I tore off my last shoe and continued bare. The dirt road soon ended and I was only beginning to get to the worst parts of the village, the parts that had been burned first by the ninja. I was forced to crush my robes to my face to block out the smoke. I had no doubt my face was smeared in dirt, so I was surprised to have been raped at all.

But not too surprised, as when it comes to men like them, they don't care what a person looks like as long as they have a hole in which to bury themselves.

It's only flesh...The chant I whispered didn't do much to take away the disgust in the back of my throat, and the feeling only succeeded in numbing me the further I ran. By the time the branches of the forest cut into my cheek, I was already feeling my eyes begin to redden with the unshed tears of anger and humiliation.

But I was alive. The thought of living let me run longer, but the fear hollowed and burrowed into my heart until the urge to lay down and cry became almost unbearable.

I couldn't feel my legs. They were like jelly beneath the wobbling mess of skin that barely managed to support my weakening bones. Running was my solace, and without it, I was as good as the inanimate objects beneath me, cold and lifeless and waiting for others to step on. I felt like I was waiting for others to squeeze and choke the last bit of air from my lungs, taking all thoughts out of my own weakening control.

The thought of catching my breath was almost a dream at this point, as stepping against the hardening ground and hearing the drumming of my own heartbeat made it difficult to understand a clear meaning behind the pressure dragging beneath my skin.

I could barely even hear the footsteps quicken from behind me. I could only hear the crystal clear springs, somewhere out in the distance where I knew nothing. It was almost as loud as my own raging heartbeat, pounding beneath tender flesh and just waiting to be devoured by dogs once my soul had left it's wretched shell. I knew the spring probably didn't exist, and my ears were playing tricks on me to keep my legs from giving up. The ninja who once chased me, who once boomed loudly behind me, were silent. The silence was what scared me the most. I knew I would be followed from the moment I ran from the main house.

I felt my body stumble forward as cold hands roughly threw me to the ground. I couldn't hear the cold wind and neither could I feel it. All I could feel were the hands, hot and callused beneath my clothing, sinking in through my legs, leaving rough marks of bruising over my skin. I recognized his bruising grip and rough hands. They brought me back to flashbacks of his fingers wrapping around Ohashi's throat, silencing my pleas with his glare just before I bashed his head in with a flower vase.

The fight for dominance began the moment he turned me around, adjusting my face to meet his as dry grass roughly dug in against my skin, cutting through me as a hot fire flooded underneath me. The fire burned so bright that I could barely hear, feel, or see the hands that shot out to grip me. They cut into the skin of my legs, further bruising my inner thighs, as my kimono was pushed high above my waist.

Hungry eyes, gazed upon me like a predator, ready to devour every last bit of sanity I had stored until my very end. The murmuring began in my head before I could put a stop to his wandering hands and the feeling of something hot upon my thigh, whilst a slimy wetness tore a trail up my neck and to my ear. My heart screamed 'not again' but my lips were swollen shut. It seemed like the chase had only let the animal out of its cage as it attacked me in human form.

I could feel the heat, an uncomfortable and deafening fire, spread through my skin. My hand almost immediately lifted to the man's face. "Finally giving in I see." The anger in his voice was still potent. I could tell that his bitterness was palpable as he remembered the feeling of glass shattering over his head while he tried to choke the life out of me with the blood of my oldest friend still dyeing his hands red.

I could immediately smell the stench of smoke and alcohol on his breath, matching well with the rugged way he pressed up against my body and his clumsy movements to adjust his position. The feel of something hard, scraping against my skin, just nearing and nearing, caused my heart to instantly stop, as if some unknown force had allowed me to clearly hear, see, and feel everything.

My palm against his face prompted him and as I felt his lips near my own I trailed my other hand down his chest, feeling him visibly tremble from above me. I grabbed ahold of his hardened member, making him groan in pleasure before his eyes widened as I squeezed harder.

Taking his surprise in my favor, I swiftly tore my leg from his grip and kneed him in between his legs, taking no hesitation to escape his hold, ignoring all bruises and pain in order to reach for his kunai and go for the swift kill by shoving the tip of the blade through his ear in an upward position. The strength of my grip around the kunai slackened slightly, as the pain from my injured shoulder made any further maiming increasingly difficult. His blood spilled over my face and my neck from his open wound and wide, dying eyes.

I struggled to get out of his grip, still tight around my wrist that I hadn't noticed he grabbed, his eyes stared me down, the last of his life set in motion to curse me. I grabbed the kunai and shoved it's point into his eye and that made his grip slacken as he opened his mouth to let out a banshee scream that would only give away my position. I shoved my lips to his and bought a moment worth of time to shove the tip of the kunai into the soft bit of skin just above his neck and through his jaw.

I didn't waste a moment of time to run from there. I couldn't hear anyone on my trail, but I knew the forest was filled with enemy ninja and my breathing turned rugged as the dying weeds continued to show me no place to hide as the trees were too thin to offer shelter. I felt like an open target for the entire world to see.

I felt the exhaustion start to hit its peak, trying to get me to rest. I knew that this time if they caught me I would surely die, as attacking the other's genitals is not a path these men would continue to fall for and not all these men would feel the need to rape. I had gotten lucky to be attacked by two who did, instead of two who wanted me first and foremost, dead.

I knew this and yet getting myself to keep running was growing increasingly difficult as I was having the hardest time just standing. My legs were practically quivering as I felt parts of my body slowly start to feel the exhaustion that adrenaline had kept from me. My lips were dry and almost felt like sandpaper while my fingers shook, exhaustion creeping in through my bones.

I wanted nothing more than to fall into a safe hole, somewhere, anywhere, and rest for the rest of my life. My eyes sunk as I felt something suddenly twist at my feet, dragging me into the grassed cushioned ground. I nearly was tempted to rest there before I forced my legs up, ripping my dress down the middle in the process.

There was no smoke soon enough, but my throat felt dry as if it had never left. I was left alone in a darkening forest. My once sprinting pace had slowed immensely until I was walking, limping, far before I noticed it.

I used the trees to keep me standing; my panting breath became the only source of sound in the empty forest. I used its sound as my lullaby, to calm my racing heartbeat. The moon was already high up in the sky by the time I controlled my breathing, and I began to wonder how long I absentmindedly moved to make the moon rise so high without my realizing it.

By the time I checked my surroundings, I knew that I was lost. I wasn't the type of girl, fit for these types of environments of forests and I didn't know how to hunt and neither did I have the energy to hunt. The spring I thought I heard was gone and bugs floated around my face, flying and buzzing, but the bugs I could handle. The dirt I could handle and even the cold didn't hurt me as much as it would other people. This was my life before being a courtesan. Being hungry, cold, and dirty wasn't new, but it hurt all the same.

I was reluctant to look down at my feet, but unsurprised when I saw they were covered in blood. Walking barefoot on a war zone and the roots and plants didn't accept me kindly, and I saw there was still dried blood, caked on my inner thighs from the rough way I was taken. And there was still dried blood on my hands from the rough way I had taken them in return.

I fell to my knees, unable to continue standing. I barely felt the pain of rocks digging into my skin. My throat was dry and my tongue begged for water. It was hard to think of any pain outside my thirst.

My head was spinning and my eyesight was beginning to blur. The tiny glow of red cut through the darkness, and I felt my form start to move toward it. My bloody feet dragged across the ground, forcing my movements as I walked towards the light, clouded through trees. I felt myself roughly scrape up against the bark as I clumsily walked through the forest.

By the time I reached that light, forcing myself through thick leaves, I saw the blurry faces of three people, tense with weapons drawn.

I forced my delirious gaze away from the fire that drew me in like a moth. My body was shivering, and the thought of letting the fire consume me darted across my mind. My blurry eyes slowly drifted to the closest one to the fire, a boy in a mask with the familiar ninja metal headband over his forehead. My heart burned in fear for a moment, as their blurry faces that ran through my exhausted vision was slow to recognize any details and I knew I had no strength left to run. It was still blurry, but the snail shaped marking on the headband was different than the Kumo ninja who attacked my village. I walked closer to the man next to the fire, making his slowly relaxing grip over his kunai, suddenly tense.

I saw his eyes widen as I began to fall forward, all my strength leaving me as I let out my last whisper, "help me."

I couldn't stop the blackness from overtaking me.


	2. Shakuyaku

CHAPTER ONE  
____________  
–•–

  
KAKASHI WATCHED AS THE GIRL COLLAPSED IN FRONT OF HIM BEFORE SLOWLY lowering his kunai, but his grip around it still remained tight. He heard Obito's sound of disapproval from behind him, and before he could say another word the hyperactive Uchiha rushed in front of him and lifted the girl up off the floor.

"You were supposed to catch her," Obito scolded as he brushed the hair from the girl's messy face so he could feel her pulse.

"Why?" Kakashi asked, and heard Rin's scoff next.

"Way to be a gentleman," Rin stated in a deadpan as she rushed to the fallen girl's side. Her state was completely distraught, and she was covered in blood to the point where Kakashi couldn't really see what color her hair even was; and her feet looked like it had been dragged in glass. Her robes were ripped and filthy, and when Obito turn her body upright in his lap, Kakashi saw that her skin was covered in blotches of dirt. It was smeared in black, the same blackness that came from running through fires and smoke.

"She's still alive," Obito told Rin as the girl sat adjacent to him and began to heal her.

"Barely..." Rin's brows furrowed as she inspected the girl's state while her glowing green hands stayed in place to heal. "Kakashi, get some water."

Kakashi obeyed, and grabbed the canteen of water and knelt down next to the girl. He sat next to the girl's head, and gently placed his hand on the back of her neck to hold her up and prevent choking, before he put the canteen's opening in between her lips. The girl's hand twitched as the liquid rushed in between her dry lips and ran down to her ears. Her eyes slightly twitched open, unfocused as they met Kakashi's patient gaze.

"You're going to be alright," he whispered, and Rin looked up surprised as the girl began to slightly wake.

"What happened? Is there anyone else that was with you?" Obito asked in a hasty whisper, the girl seemed to slowly process him as her fingers twitched and her tongue desperately clang to the water coming in.

She didn't answer as her hands fell, weakly back to her side while Rin grabbed the water from Kakashi's hand and used it to wash the blood from the girl's feet.

"Kakashi..." Rin began as she began to disinfect the wounds. Kakashi instantly snapped his head up to his teammate's commanding voice. "Follow her trail...she was running from something....find out what that something is before it catches us."

Kakashi nodded, placing the girl's head back onto the ground before standing up. He wasted no time summoning his ninja dog and rushing into the cover of the trees.

"I could go with him," Obito whined, and Rin let out a gentle smile to her teammate as she unrolled a bit of her bandage supply.

"I need you to get more water. I have a feeling she'll need more," Rin said, tossing him the empty bottle that he instinctively caught.

"You'll be okay?" Obito asked as Rin began bandaging the girl's feet.

"I'll be fine. It's not like she's in any state for a surprise attack," Rin joked, half-heartedly as Obito grinned and nodded. His body disappeared in a fast barrage of leaves that flooded the air from his speed, obviously eager to get back quickly.

The girl's eyes were still lightly cracked open by the time Rin met her gaze. Now that Rin got the boy away, she inspected the trail of blood that ran up her inner thigh. She immediately noticed the odd way her kimono was wrapped around the girl's body, with the obi tied around the front and the layers of clothing that dangled beneath her shoulders.

"I'm going to pull up your robes a bit," Rin warned, looking to the girl for confirmation, but when she saw apparent indifference in the girl's eyes, Rin pulled up the kimono's ripped cloth to inspect the trail of blood, finding it led straight to the girl's panties. Rin was hoping that it had been a cut of some sort, and felt her heart slightly tug when she saw that it was not as such.

The girl's eyes still looked indifferent by the time Rin's gaze connected with hers again, before Rin began dabbing her towel with the disinfectant and wiping away the blood.

"What's your name?" Rin asked, and the girl blinked for the first time since opening her eyes. "Can you speak?"

"Ano...mie..." The girl's lips moved slowly, and her voice was hoarse, cracked, and dehydrated.

"Nice to meet you Anomie, I'm Rin. And I'm going to help you get better," Rin said, feeling a sudden surge of protectiveness erupt inside her chest as she stared into the nearly dead eyes of the girl laying in the grass. The light of the fire warmed the girl's considerably pale skin, and Rin parted the girl's bangs from her forehead in order to feel for heat. The girl's skin was cold as ice and she didn't seem to have enough body heat to even catch a fever. Rin rushed to pick up one of her sealing scrolls attached to her waist, and undid the seal and watched as a blanket was summoned in a small cloud of smoke. She grabbed the material and placed it over the girl's frame.

Anomie's gaze moved, almost suspiciously, watching Rin's every action and the moment the blanket covered her frame, Obito returned with three full canteens of water.

"Are you alright? Has anyone attacked? Is she alright? Has she spoken?" Obito instantly asked, his concerned tone slightly surprising Rin.

"Her name is Anomie, and she appears to be barely conscious." Rin murmured as she grabbed one of the bottles of water from her teammate's hand and pouring it over one of her cloths. She rushed back to the injured girl's form and began using the damp cloth to wipe the blood from the girl's face. Her eyes were now closed, as if she lost the energy to keep them open. Rin felt her heart tug as she gently pressed the cloth to her face, wiping away dried blood from her lips before pressing it over her neck.

After the dirt and blood was gone from her face, Rin began healing the cuts and scars that decorated her skin. Obito stood over her shoulder and watched, knowing better than to talk when Rin was healing someone, and as much as he enjoyed hearing Rin speak, his head could only be smacked so many times.

"She's kinda pretty," Obito muttered without thinking and heard Rin's annoyed scoff.

"Of course that's what you'd notice," she murmured and Obito let out a sheepish laugh as he scratched the back of his head.

"But she is~" Obito commented, finally sitting down, using the tree to rest his back against it. His happy tone disappeared. "Kakashi's still not back..."

Rin frowned, but shook her head. "He's strong. I'm sure he'll be fine and he knows when to engage in combat and when to hide..." Rin's eyes slightly hardened in disdain as they met Obito's gaze. "I wish I could say the same about everyone in our team."

Obito let out a sheepish laugh once more.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

It wasn't until the first trickle of sunlight wept through the smoggy sky that Kakashi returned. The crunching of leaves under his footsteps signified his tired posture and sleepless, baggy eyed gaze. He didn't look too pleased, and this much was visible even through the dark blue mask that covered his lower face. His form instantly slumped, exhausted, against the bark of the tree, causing Rin's slowly closing eyes to snap open, wide awake.

"Kakashi!" She exclaimed, jumping up and accidentally kicking Obito in the head. The Uchiha let out a whining complaint, rolling onto his tummy as Rin rushed to her silver haired teammate's side. "What did you find? Are you alright?"

Kakashi sighed; exasperated as his eyes rested on the sleeping girl whose face he could finally see past the once visible grim and darkness of night. Her hair was pale white, died with pink tips, a look he'd only ever seen on street performers and entertainers. She had the body of a performer, as it was long and her hips were wide and her arms were strong. The whiteness of her hair matched well with the pale color of her complexion. Her lips had a tinge of blue, causing him to stand up and throw more wood in the fire she slept next to.

"Her tracks weren't difficult to follow, even in the darkness," Kakashi said, as he lay against the ground and closed his eyes. "Her scent and blood was everywhere that even Pakkun managed to follow it easily and I followed him." Rin was glad that the canine was finally able to be reliable, as she had already dealt with the two months of him sniffing out nothing but its own ass, and not the target. "About 30 kilometers west of here is Kemurigakure, or what's left of it anyway. It's been burned to the ground. By the time I got there, there was nothing left but, ironically, smoke (because Kemuri means smoke), fire, ash...and bodies." Kakashi sighed, his eyes still closed. "I didn't find anyone still alive, at least not out in the open, and many Kumo Nin still occupied the roads. I couldn't engage while being so outnumbered."

"Kumo ninja again," Rin sat down, her butt roughly slammed against the ground. "Kemuri is always the first to get attacked, but this is the first time it's been openly raided...Minato-sensei's not going to be happy about this."

"I'm not happy either," Kakashi muttered. "This mission is practically pointless now, and we lost sight of Minato-sensei for nothing."

Rin sighed, leaning her head back against the tree, but her eyes darted to the corner to stare at Anomie.

"We saved a life. That's not pointless," Obito said with a grim smile, but Kakashi made a low sound of annoyance before turning his back to all of them and resting on his side.

"Rest, Kakashi, and then we'll head out. Obito and I will scout out the area and check for any survivors." Rin said, and took Kakashi's silence as a 'whatever' and turned to Obito. "Come on."

"If she wakes up...don't be...well...you." Obito said with a grin, causing a rock to come flying at his head from the once still as stone Kakashi. "Okay! Okay! White flag! I give~"

"Come on stupid," Rin ordered, grabbing Obito by the sleeve and dragging him into the woods. She did glance back towards Kakashi one last time, a look of worry jogging her expression. "Be careful, okay."

"Don't miss me too much, Kakashi-kun!" Obito shouted back jokingly, and a rock sped through the trees before hitting its mark with a loud, "OW!"

"Idiot," Kakashi muttered, closing his eyes as the fire warmed up his once freezing body.

Konoha's weather was fairly hot, but the closer north he got, the weather chilled considerably. The ground was frosty and cold, and he knew it would probably be snowing if it weren't for the smoggy grey sky. The further west Rin and Obito went, the harder it would be to breath past the fumes. They no doubt knew that, so he didn't bother to mention it.

He barely got 50 minutes of sleep before the sound of weak coughs caught his attention and forced his eyes to open. He turned around and watched the nameless girl hack from her still position. Her breath was short, making it come out as a pained wheeze. Her eyes were clenched closed, and Kakashi mused on the thought of just going back to sleep, but looking at her near broken form and remember the dead bodies back at the village caused his body to jolt up.

She ran, barefoot, all-night and fought for every breath. He didn't have it in him to see any more death this week when he could stop it. He lazily reached for one of the bottles Rin left by the girl's head, and opened the cap. He lifted her head, gently on his lap and slowly pressed the opening of the bottle in between her lips, and her hands twitched at her side, when the moisture erupted around her tongue. Her hand slowly moved up, eyes still closed, while Kakashi watched it move.

She didn't seem to be ready to open her eyes, but her hand weakly cupped his from around the bottle. Her bare fingers didn't fully touch his hand, as his fingerless gloves cut off most of the contact, but the tips of her fingers touched the opening of his skin and he noticed instantly that her fingers were freezing. He used his other hand, still free from contact, to lightly brush against her bangs so he could feel her forehead. It was hot when he touched her skin and he reached for the cloth that Rin left behind, and placed it on his free knee, before he slowly grabbed the bottle back from her lips and poured it on the cloth. She didn't open her eyes, but her brows furrowed when the water stopped flowing to her mouth.

He slightly smiled at her expression as her hand that once cupped his dropped to her chest. He noticed it was nearly bare, and he would have seen more if the blanket didn't cover it. He cut out the perverted thoughts from his head, and his face would be slightly red if the mask didn't cover it.

He folded the cloth, and placed it on her forehead. Her once furrowed brows, slowly ceased creasing and her head turned towards him she rested on her side. His eyes widened as she cuddled into his waist, forcing him to hold the cloth over her head so it didn't fall.

But her cheek now rested...intimately on his crotch.

"Oh no," Kakashi muttered as he tried to shift his position, but the moment he moved he saw her let out a small whine, resembling a weak sound of pain. "You have got to be kidding me." He was just trying to be nice, but if Rin or Obito came back, he knew that he'd be forever thought of as a pervert. He'd never get away from the stain on his name.

He tried to gently lift her face off him, but her grip proved stronger than he expected and he knew using any more strength on her would prove to only add more pain to her already injured body.

"Come on," he hissed, using his free hand that wasn't holding the cloth to her head, to press his face into his palm. "I should have just went back to sleep."

"Kakashi, we have to go, this land is riddled with Kumo ni-" Rin's voice made Kakashi's eyes widen, and his hands instantly raised in surrender, causing the cloth to fall off the girl's head as Rin's voice cut off and her eyes narrowed.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi still felt her glare on his back as they ran through the forest and he sighed for the tenth time. Obito was the one to carry the girl on his back, since Rin officially lost trust in her innocent teammate. He was maybe not innocent in everything, but he was innocent in this.

Obito sniggered out, "Pervert," causing Kakashi's eyes to narrow in anger.

"I wasn't doing anything," Kakashi found himself repeating, for the fifth time that morning.

"The day I believe you is the day you become Hokage," Obito said in return, his goggled face scowling towards Kakashi's back.

"You just watch, I might just become Hokage to spite you. You're so weak, you'll still be a Genin by the time I do," Kakashi retorted and he heard Obito's growl.

"You bastard!"

"That's enough!" Rin shouted, and Obito scoffed, but complied. "We have to find Minato-sensei, I'm worried."

"He'll be fine," Obito said, his voice still sounding annoyed. "Sure, our meet up place is now up in ash but-"

"We could meet him at the village. He'll realize the attack is brought on by Kumo and he'll know that we couldn't stay in this area without suffering attack of enemy nin's reinforcements," Kakashi said, hopping off one branch to land on another with Rin and Obito shortly behind him.

"I'm just worried she won't make the journey..." Rin murmured, glancing at Anomie.

"I say we leave her behind. She's not part of the mission and we have no obligation to save her. I said what we could do, but what we should do is leave her behind and find Minato-sensei. I could attempt to track his scent and we could salvage what's left of this mission," Kakashi said in a deadpan, but the moment the words left his lips, he could feel the deepening scowls on his back.

"Leave her to die?" Obito snapped, and Kakashi sighed.

"You don't know if she'll die. Maybe if we force her to wake up she could make her own way through the forest or wait for us to come back for her. We could give her directions to the Leaf or Rin could accompany her," Kakashi suggested.

"You're a real heartless bastard," Obito growled out, causing Kakashi to scowl.

"The mission is what's important, not some half dead girl. What if we do abandon it all and head back, and she dies on the way? And if, by some miracle, she survives the journey, but dies when we get there, then this is all pointless," Kakashi explained, but in the next moment Obito opened his mouth to retort.

"Rules may be important, but not at the expense of innocent lives," Obito retorted.

"Who knows if this is an innocent life? Her hands were covered in blood and I found a body in the forest that proves it's not her own," Kakashi snapped.

"That's enough. I'm all for completing the mission, but Obito's right, we don't abandon people if they need it," Rin finally interrupted, and her tone of voice silenced all opposition. "Konoha is only a couple hours away, so for the time being of our time together, stop arguing."

"I wasn't arguing," Obito muttered, scowling when Kakashi snorted. He opened his mouth to say something, but a soft, musical voice stopped him.

"St...stop," Anomie murmured, tightening her arms slightly across Obito's neck as her eyes slowly cracked open. Obito came to a complete stop on a nearby branch, Kakashi and Rin following suit. Her eyes drifted over Obito's sideways goggled gaze, then to Rin's worried expression, and lastly to Kakashi's crossed armed deadpan.

"Are you alright?" Rin asked and Anomie squeezed her eyes shut, weakly pressing her palm into her eye while keeping the other firmly wrapped around Obito's neck.

What kind of stupid question was that? She didn't voice her obvious snap, as the girl did save her life. Anomie yawned, her throat hurting as she did before finding her arm was stiff and bandaged, causing her to vaguely remember the kodachi of some Kumo jackass, cutting into it.

"Who are...you?" she asked, finding that speaking was very difficult, and her throat felt all the more dry and sore. She found herself coughing as soon as she tried to speak, and she attempted to not cough on the man carrying her since she could do without being dropped to the ground below.

"You shouldn't speak," Rin stated, jumping onto the branch so she could be next to her, and Obito turned to give her more room while Kakashi leaned against his own tree and sighed. "I'm Nohara Rin, that's Uchiha Obito, and that's Hatake Kakashi..." Rin introduced, pointing to each individual teammate. "We're ninja from Konoha...you're safe now."

Anomie hid her disdain at the mention of the word 'ninja' and slowly closed her eyes, leaning her head on Obito's shoulder. "S...afe?" she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"We're going to get you back to Konoha and properly treat your wounds, okay, Anomie-san?" Rin felt the girl's forehead with her palm, and frowned, turning to Kakashi. "And we have to hurry."

"Whatever," came the boy's response as he watched the girl lose consciousness once more.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I tried to make this flow smoothly and keep up with the underlying theme of the story, which will be smoke and flowers.

The title of each chapter will be a flower in Japanese, each one having its own unique meaning.

芍薬 (shakuyaku) (Peony) - symbolizes compassion, bashfulness and shame


	3. Hezā no hana

CHAPTER TWO  
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WHEN ANOMIE AWOKE SHE WAS SURROUNDED BY THE BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT OF an empty room. The ceiling was tiled, and clean without a single spec of dirt, and she found her gaze running down to the bright walls and the tiled floor. She slowly noticed two doors, one leading to a hallway, judging by the people walking back and forth through the small window, and another door, probably leading to a bathroom.

She glanced down and saw an IV in her arm and rope, tying each wrist to the bed. Her brows furrowed as she instantly tried to tug them off, but a jolt of pain flooded through her weakened arms and she lost the strength to continue. She groaned, laying head back against her pillow.

"You're awake!" came the excited voice of Rin, as the girl entered the room with an arm full of flowers. She rushed to the tied girl's side, placing the flowers on the nightstand before facing the other girl. "I was so worried. On the way back you started convulsing....we thought you weren't going to make it...I was scared."

"Why am I tied up?" Anomie asked, finding that her throat didn't hurt nearly as much as it once did. Rin sheepishly scratched her head.

"Well, when we brought you here...you woke up...we don't blame you...but you sort of went violent and wouldn't stop hitting and kicking." Rin said, causing Anomie to nod in return.

"I see."

"Well, not that I didn't want to visit you, but I'm actually supposed to ask you a couple questions about the attack. Is that okay?" Rin stated, and Anomie shrugged, finding the action made a shot of pain to spread through her shoulder. "I can wait until you rest some more..."

"I don' t care," Anomie said, as she met Rin's eager glance. "Go ahead. Rest won't change my answers."

"For starters, we searched your clothes and found this," Rin lifted a scroll from her belt and placed it on the bed beside the tied girl, who's eyes tiredly followed it. She could only vaguely remember taking it from one of the Kumo ninja in the main house, but the memory was foggy and made her head hurt. "Do you know what this is?"

"Not really," Anomie replied honestly. "I took it from someone else."

"We unsealed it, and found a map." Rin said slowly, as if she were reluctant to get to her point. "A map of the land of fire. There were points and coordinates all over it...numbers too."

"I see," Anomie began to realize where this was going and how suspicious she was probably beginning to look if she continued to take the silent route.

"Why do you have this and where did it come from. The seals are a clear sign of Kumogakure, but the Chakra isn't yours. Where did you get it?" Rin asked, her tone was patient, but it had a sense of urgency to it.

"Can you untie me?" Anomie asked, ignoring the question and causing Rin's eyes to slightly widen.

"I suppose you can't be too much of a threat with your injuries," Rin finally agreed, sitting up and undoing the girl's constraints. Anomie lifted her white hair in her hands the moment her constraints were gone, and held it up in a bun with one hand while loosing the neck portion of her top and turning her back to Rin. She ignored the rush of pain that came with her movements as she glanced towards Rin's patient expression. She then pulled down the cloth that covered the back of her neck and revealed a branding that resembled a pronged dagger. Rin's eyes widened at the sight of it. "You're an Oiran...? Ah....I'm sorry..."

The apology was kind, but Anomie found it unnecessary to state what she was; whether the words had come out as whore, prostitute, or filth. Anomie had long since heard it all.

Anomie dropped her hair, and allowed the clean strands to cover up the marking as she turned back towards Rin and leaned back against her pillow. She didn't flinch at the rude way the girl spoke about her, but found herself saying, "I'm an entertainer, sold to the people."

"But you're so...young...you're my age..." Rin said and Anomie tilted her head to the side.

"They never see it that way," she said after a moment of silence as she twirled a strand of hair on her finger, the only sign of nervous behavior. "I didn't tell you this to be judged-"

"I didn't mean it like-" Rin interjected, but Anomie raised her hand to stop her.

"I told you to explain how I got that scroll," she said, painfully moving her hand to cup her shoulder where the stab wound had been. "I got this in exchange, so it didn't come cheap. I was often requested by older officials of Kemuri," Rin looked slightly disgusted at the thought of someone so young be requested by the elderly, causing the left side of Anomie's lips to twitch up. "And many of them like to talk when they're...happy...one in particular liked to speak a lot after a cup of tea and a dance."

The girl leaned back, her face emptying of emotion. "For a couple weeks, there had been many strange visitors to the headcounters of Kemuri, and they often indulged in the Yūkaku house, maybe they liked our flower arranging and tea ceremonies after a long journey," Rin barely managed to pick up the fact that the stoic girl made a joke. "Kumo ninja, no matter how high up, are still men and they love to talk. I wasn't the most requested girl, but there was another who was, she was ranked Tayū, the highest honor for our...occupation. She was older and had more," Anomie made circular motions around her chest, causing Rin to look away in embarrassment.

"She was always very brave and liked to put her nose where it didn't belong and she also liked to talk. Too much, in my opinion, as girls in our positions really shouldn't gossip." Anomie continued, talking no notice of Rin's embarrassment. "Our village is always the first to be attacked in war, and this time was no different. Kemurigakure, according to Ohashi, she said that the officials were tired of taking the hits for Konoha."

"They betrayed us?" Rin asked, and Anomie shrugged.

"I don't know, but Ohashi told me that Kumo wanted as much information on Konoha as they could get. Weak points, important officials, donors of capital to the war, anything really. Kemuri is a stop on the way to Konoha, so we get information about Konoha and the land of fire much more than any average village. Those coordinates could be anything, from attack points, to battle strategies. Ohashi never told me. Curiosity killed the cat," Anomie whispered the last part before a tiny, bitter frown glimmered on her lips, pressing her palm against her injured shoulder. "And some cats like to drag others down with them."

Rin leaned back against the chair, and in that moment the sliding door to the room opened and an old man stepped inside. On his head was a bright red, domed shaped hat with a long, matching haori and a red, full-length kimono, tied with a white sash.

"I'm apologize for eavesdropping, Anomie-san," the old man said, closing the door behind him as he took note of the girl's form tensing. "I'm the third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen." His kind face did not make the girl's form relax, but her frown at least disappeared at his smiling face and grim eyes. "I was worried you wouldn't tell me the truth if I asked you directly, so I had to stoop to these methods. Don't hold it against Nohara-san."

Rin was fisting the bottom of her shorts in her fingers, her form obviously tense when Anomie's gaze locked onto her. At the sight, Anomie's form relaxed and she laid her back against her pillow. Her gaze softening was enough for Rin to relax as well.

"In that case, I've told you all that I know." Anomie said, and she brought her gaze back onto the old man. If she was younger, more innocent, she would have more shame at such a kind old man knowing about her story, but she wasn't a child and she felt near to nothing. "Ohashi died for that stupid scroll and took me down with her. There isn't much for me to tell. Konohagakure hits, and Kemuri takes the punch, that's the moral of the story."

The old man wasn't offended, although Rin winced at the words. He shook his head, letting out a sigh. "I believe you. That isn't why I'm here right now. Konoha is going through its own setback to this war and new refugees are coming in every week. It is my job to offer those who need it shelter in our village. You, for one, have earned that same hospitality, Anomie-san."

The girl's eyes slightly twitched in surprise, but didn't interrupt.

"The Yūkaku houses of Kemuri are legally outlawed here, but we have some of our own," the Hokage coughed into his hand, the only sign of embarrassment that he showed. "I've heard they are quite the entertainers," Anomie could see in his eyes that he more than 'heard' about them, "and while I'm sure your skills are excellent... Ahem...you're much too young to participate in their...performances."

"That's fine." Anomie replied simply, causing the Hokage's shoulders to slightly relax. She didn't exactly choose or enjoy the pleasuring aspect of being an Oiran courtesan, but the system was broken so she had her doubts that the law would keep her away if she wanted to pick up where she left off in Kemuri.

"I mentioned before that refugees are coming in often, so your living arrangements might be a little tight but-" The Hokage continued, but Rin hesitantly interjected.

"Hokage-sama, I was thinking she could stay with me. Our house is more than sufficient and my mother would love the company," Rin said, earning slightly surprised looks from the other two. The Hokage's face immediately softened, and nodded as Rin's gaze snapped to Anomie whose once molten eyes began to look almost gentle. "If that's alright with you."

Anomie bit her lip and looked away, causing Rin to grin as she took the silence as a yes.

"I know this doesn't make the loss of your village lessen or the burden on your heart disappear," the Hokage's voice made the girl's gaze return to his eyes. She had met many men in her time, but none had ever treated her so...respectfully. "But I hope Konoha can become your home in time, but before that happens, I would like to know your full name, if you wouldn't mind."

"...Kougin...Anomie," she said, slowly as her wide eyes stayed fixed on the standing man.

"Well, Kougin-san, it's not too late to enroll in the academy, you know," the Hokage said, turning his eyes back on the girl and watching as her expression disappeared. "I don't discriminate on what path you choose and will support you either way." Times had obviously changed and children are being lined up for war- whether they are a little too old or a little too young.

"I don't hate ninja," Anomie said after a moment a silence. "And I don't think myself so weak as to fail at being one, but to be a ninja for a village, you must put others first and have something to protect. I'm afraid, I don't have the ability to do that and my mindset isn't right for fighting for Konoha's future."

The Hokage's face looked sad—maybe sympathetic—for a moment, but his palm rested on the girl's head, affectionately patting it. "I respect your choice, but don't ever forget that there are people you can talk to if you ever need help." His eyes drifted onto Rin, who was fidgeting in her chair. "I leave her to you, Nohara-san."

Rin stood up quickly and bowed as the old man began to leave the room, the scroll in his had as he departed, "thank you very much, Hokage-sama!" Rin let out a deep breath and turned towards the girl in bed, looking at her strangely. Rin pouted at the look, but didn't question it. "I'm sorry about deceiving you, Anomie-san."

"A ninja does what they must for their village," she replied simply, resting her head into her pillow. "You're taking a stranger into your home...I think that's pretty noble, especially if that stranger is a whore."

"That's not who you are," Rin exclaimed, causing Anomie's eyes to snap in her direction, making Rin nervous. "M-Maybe that was what you did in the past, but it doesn't define who you are. People can change if they want to change and no one is stuck being labeled to a job forever."

Anomie's lips slowly twitched, before a small giggle erupted from her mouth. The laughter rocked her body and she used her hand to hold most of it in as she laughed into her palm. Rin's head tilted to the side, confused, as the other girl held up her free palm in a stopping motion. "I'm sorry, it's just too funny." Anomie said in between intakes of breath. "You might be right; you might be wrong, but you were so passionate." The laughter slowly ceased, but both girls slightly smiled.

All the things Anomie wanted to say wouldn't come out. It was as if they were locked up tight, and sealed away in some dark corner of her heart. Thank you was at the top of her list, but when she met Rin's eyes, a part of her knew that the other girl understood.

And even though it wasn't said, Anomie could almost hear the unspoken murmur of 'you're welcome.'

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Anomie hadn't the single inkling at what she should be doing when she arrived at the Nohara household. It was quiet, and with just one look at the small table and small couch and the photographs of Rin with an older woman, Anomie could tell that the mother and daughter were close. The older woman had similar features to her daughter, right down to the blue stripes on her cheeks.

They seemed happy, Anomie thought as she lifted the picture frame in her hand. The mother's hair was slightly darker and age had taken a small toll on the crease of her eyes when she smiled.

"Oh! That's mom," Rin said, looking over the slightly taller girl's shoulder. Anomie bit her lip and placed the picture back alongside the others.

"Where is she?" Anomie asked in return turning to the girl who now held as small bag in her hands.

Rin's eyes slightly clouded with sadness as she looked back at the picture beside the taller girl. "She's on the front lines right now...but I'm sure she'll be back soon enough for you to meet her. She's a very powerful ninja!" Rin grinned happily, the moment of sadness departed from her eyes. "You'll like her! I'm sure of it."

Anomie didn't comment on that as she noticed Rin happily rock on her feet. "What is it?"

"Well...you don't have anything to wear...and I don't mind sharing my clothes, but they don't exactly seem to..." Rin couldn't help but stare at the way Anomie's chest looked ready to burst from Rin's favorite dress. "...fit."

"I don't need new clothes," Anomie smoothed out the dress. "If you have any old ones, I can stitch together something new."

"You sew?" Rin seemed excited by the prospect, which slightly amused the other girl.

"It's one of the many things they teach you," she replied, brushing her fingertips against one of the many rips in Rin's outfit. "Being a ninja can't be good for fashion. I can fix it for you."

Rin smiled, "I'd like that, but first I would like to buy you a few necessary girl stuff, including fabric. I'm not so poor as to not be able to provide for you. I'm always away on missions, so I don't wear to much of the latest fashion. We ninja have a lot of spending money," Rin said this so happily that Anomie couldn't refuse, but made a silent promise to pay back her debts somehow.

"In that case, some lipstick would be nice," Anomie said and Rin nodded.

"The first thing on your mind is makeup, we are very different people, An-chan," Rin said, before her eyes widened. "You don't mind the nickname, it's just your name is so long."

"Names don't mean much to me. I've had many already, and Anomie wasn't the one I was born with," the other replied, offhandedly.

"Really?" Rin seemed sad again. "What was your name when you were little then?"

"Fuyu. I was born in the winter, amongst one of the coldest nights and my hair was white. My mother wasn't very clever, but I'm sure it was a surprise in contrast with her red hair," Anomie said, glancing over to Rin with a small smile. "She said that my hair was kissed by the gods, but I was sickly baby so I think it was really just kissed by disease."

"What happened to her?"

Anomie only shrugged, obviously not sure. "I lived on the streets for a long time, but it was the white hair that got me noticed by...men. Like I said, age is of no consequence when it comes to most men and the poor and hungry are always the first to seek warmth." Rin eyes looked ready to erupt in tears, but Anomie's face was blank.

"Should I call you Fuyu-chan then?" Rin asked, her voice was earnest, but the comment made Anomie slightly frown and she continued her story after a firm glance towards the other girl.

"The white hair also got me noticed by the Yūkaku house, and they took me off the streets and gave me food and shelter. I was the only one without black hair there, so I stood out even though I was so young. I learned many things about dancing and making tea and..." Anomie trailed off, but a smile lingered on her lips. "They dressed me in a bit more skimpy clothing there than the other girls, and even dyed the tips of my hair pink... They taught me Iwagakure style of dance...a bit more progressional than the traditional Oiran," she grabbed a bit of her hair and looked at, almost like it was a fond memory, before staring back into Rin's eyes.

"Fuyu was the name of a street rat, without family or life. Anomie is lucky. It brought me life and education and purpose..." Rin still looked unconvinced, but Anomie only smiled. "It was also the name I had when I met you. I'd say it's very lucky. Maybe my hair really was kissed by the Gods, and brought me life.

"More than anything else, I think that my white hair helped me start a new life away from Kemurigakure. Not many others can say the same." Anomie barely got much else out before Rin's arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, causing the girl's eyes to widen and her arms to stiffen at her side.

"Let's go get that fabric, An-chan," Rin whispered, but her arms didn't so much as budge, caging the white haired girl inside. It was probably one of the least unpleasant prisons Anomie had wrapped around her.

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Anomie didn't know what to do after she got back to Rin's house, sporting a new, now fitting outfit that Rin had forced on her during their shopping spree. It was rather pretty, and Anomie had never worn leggings before, not to mention black ones. Her dress was beige, with flowers that resembled to the pretty sakura blossoms that Rin and her had passed on the way to the shop. Sakura didn't grow in Kemuri, so it was a pleasant change.

The dress reached her ankles in the back, but in the front was short and didn't even reach her knees, making it feel like she was wearing a cape. The sleeves were long and dangled from her arms with her shoulders bare. Rin had taken her to get her hair done, so now it was tied with ribbon and flowers.

It wasn't an outfit she had ever worn before, and it felt very much like summer and bordering on spring. And the material was soft, like silk, and felt very nice against her skin. Her new shoes were like tight, and went up to her knees like high boots, with small heels that made her taller than she already was.

Rin wouldn't let go of dressing her up like a doll, and Anomie wasn't sure how much she spent on her, as Rin wouldn't allow her to know. So now, she had no idea what amount she had to pay back.

The house was small, and she had to share a room with Rin, which she couldn't help but feel guilty about. The girl was so good to her, and she couldn't do anything in return. Rin didn't see it that way, and looked giddy and excited as she began to set up the bed for two people.

"I'm sure Kakashi and Obito are going to be super surprised when they see you," Rin said, as she fixed up her sheets and darted across the room, placing the new clothes on hangers while Anomie folded up the new panties and sleeping garments and placed them in the dresser. "Not that we didn't think you were pretty when we found you, but you were covered in so much blood and dirt..." Rin grinned over to the girl who only blinked in return. "You are stunning now. I bet you'll be super popular here."

Anomie glanced over to Rin, "As popular as you?"

"Oh!" Rin giggled, shaking her head. "No, I was never so popular with the boys when I was in school. I don't have your..." Rin cut off, giggling again.

Anomie raised a brow and went back to folding clothes. "I don't think that's true. I never liked ninja headbands, since they restrict the beauty of the face, so that's the only thing I don't like about your fashion..." Anomie realized that her compliment was a backhanded, and immediately attempted to rectify it. "But other than that, you're very pretty Rin-san. Modest, smart, and you heal things that are broken. Any kid can get strong and learn to throw knives, and beauty is a matter of genetics and luck or just a matter hard work....but not many can fix broken skin. I know how to dance and sing, but I don't know how to save people from the brink of death." Anomie glanced over to Rin, to see the girl was looking over to her with wide eyes. "I think you are admirable in a way that others can never be. Far more than you realize. Girls mature faster...when the boys catch up, they will see that too. That inner strength."

"I wish Kakashi could be one of those boys," Rin said with a smile.

"Is that the one with the goggles?" Anomie asked, and Rin shook her head.

"No, Obito is great, but Kakashi is the only one for me," said Rin, looking sheepish and scratching the back of her head with a large grin.

"The silver haired one then," Anomie folded the last under garment, and closed the dresser drawer, giving the purple striped girl her attention. "Seemed kind of like a jerk to me." Anomie remembered the silver haired boy's mumbling to leave her in the forest.

"You take that back right now," Rin said in a scolding tone, only half serious. "Name calling isn't nice, An-chan."

Anomie giggled, shaking her head. "I'm sure you know best."

"What kind of boys do you like?" Rin asked, watching as Anomie looked at herself in the full-length mirror, and pouted her lips while pressing her ring finger in the small seashell shaped container of pink lip paint. She pursed her lips and began to coat them in the color.

"I've never thought about it," Anomie said without a second thought. "I'm not very experienced in the art of dating and thinking about a future with boys my age. I suppose I wouldn't mind someone like you, Rin-san."

Rin's cheeks inflamed with color, and Anomie watched them ignite from the corner of her eyes as she closed the lip color container.

"You say such embarrassing things, An-chan."

"Do I?" Anomie turned towards the girl. "I'm serious. Like I said, Rin-san, I think you are pretty amazing. And I trust your judgment. If you say Kakashi-san is the only one for you, then he can't be bad. Maybe he's just young. Girls really do mature faster, and some faster than others in this world. It's the system."

Rin frowned. "It doesn't seem very fair."

"Well, we do what we can," Anomie smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Besides, maturing isn't all too horrible. I think helps us live longer. If you pretend to be a weak and innocent little girl, people won't take you seriously and will often times underestimate you. Sometimes, when you know you can't win by playing fair, you have to find a way to win in other ways."

"While I know that is true, I prefer to take a fight the honest way. No tricks, just them against me," Rin said with a smile. "I'll always have Obito and Kakashi by my side, and we watch out for each other. I don't think I'll ever need to stoop so low."

Anomie smiled again as she sat on the newly made bed, laying back against it and closing her eyes. "If everyone thought the way you do, Rin-san, I think there wouldn't be much fighting in this world."

"Well, I don't know about that, but when Obito becomes Hokage, I'm sure he'll at least change the way Konoha treats others," Rin grinned, most of her teeth showing as she tilted her head to the side, causing Anomie to glance her way, laying her left cheek against the satin bedspread.

"Is he really strong?"

Rin's smile only grew, "he's not the strongest in the world...but he's so determined that I can't see anyone stopping him from being on top."

"You believe in him a lot."

"We've been friends since we were kids. He never knew his parents, and my dad died when I was little and my mom was always away on missions...so we have a lot in common. I'm sure you'll like him. He is like a brother to me, so if you end up liking him, you have to prove you're worthy to me directly," as Rin spoke, and Anomie felt all the more eager to meet her friends and see them in the same light that Rin did. To see people in such a clean and innocent hue would make the world seem so much brighter.

"I'll have to start proving my worth then, but I don't see myself having a shot with either of them with you next to me," Anomie said, her voice clear of any resentment and that caused Rin to shake her head and earnestly hop onto the bed next to Anomie's face.

"Have you seen you?" she sounded so determined to make her point that Anomie had no choice but to listen. "You're strong. And you're still able to act so strong after your home was...anyway, I think you're admirable too."

Anomie couldn't help but give the girl a lopsided smile, but she didn't remark her thoughts that said Kemuri wasn't her home. Its loss didn't hurt her. A life being destroyed is very sad, but she had no life to destroy and no family or friends to mourn. Yūkaku houses provided friendship, but in means it was a...less than friendly completion. The more a girl is requested, the less she worries about food and security. The girls there did not take kindly to a 8 year old street rat being a favorite like Anomie was and the only one who would even talk to her was the same one who almost got her killed because of a rolled up piece of paper.

As non-judging as Rin had proved to be, Anomie didn't think the privileged girl would like a former courtesan's viewpoint on people.

"Tell me about Kakashi-san," Anomie said, changing the topic to one that instantly brought a bright smile on Rin's innocent face.

She crawled to beside the laying white haired girl and lay beside her. "For starters, he became a Genin at five years old. He's so talented and fights as easily as I walk. But he's not stuck up about it," Rin's voice sounded so fond and free of doubt that Anomie found herself drawn in by the described boy's image. "Sure, Obito gets under his skin, but those two never got along, but I think deep down..." Rin's lips pouted. "...deep, deep, deep down, they like each other more than they let on."

"You cherish them?"

"More than anything. Minato-sensei too and Kushina~" Rin's smile was almost contagious.

"Kushina?"

"She's Minato-sensei's wife. She's very kind. During training she sometimes visits and helps us get better. She's so strong and the food she brings is very good," Rin turned her head and looked at the other girl. "I think you'll like them all too, Anomie." Her once happy tone turned serious and her smile disappeared at her last sentence while Anomie's face emptied of emotion.

Almost immediately, Rin's hand cupped the girl's palm and they laid in silence. Anomie wasn't sure how long the silence lasted or when the room started to darken, but Rin's hand never removed itself from her own.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Anomie found herself asking after she heard Rin's rhythmic breathing of a girl who had fallen asleep. "I don't have anything to offer you..." She turned on her side, now facing the sleeping girl, still hand in hand. With her left hand free, she hovered her hand over Rin's face, barely illuminated by the last glow of sun shining in through the window.

She didn't get it, and she knew she wouldn't understand Rin's kindness anytime soon. Perhaps it wasn't even kindness. Perhaps Rin only pitied her and took pity on the story she had told. The thought of someone feeling sorry for her slightly unnerved her, but she covered the growing resentment.

Or perhaps it had nothing to do with wanting to help her. Perhaps Rin was just lonely, being in an empty house. Anomie could accept that much more than being pitied.

Anomie slowly closed her eyes and pressed her left hand to her chest.

She didn't believe herself capable of making anyone feel less lonely...at least not without providing more physical needs, which she highly doubted Rin would ask from her. She could clean and cook, but Anomie had nothing to ease Rin's pain. Neither the personality, nor the practice.

Her hand, still in Rin's grasp, finally squeezed back.

But that didn't mean she wouldn't try.

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The village was so full of life and it surrounded her at every step. Even in the midst of war and panic and destruction, the children didn't stay in their homes, hidden from the world by the protective arms of parents. They played and laughed and spoke as if there wasn't a care in the world.

The sunlight cooked her skin, but it was a pleasant glow and she took it in strides. In Kemuri, she wouldn't dare walk around in such revealing clothing, but here, she feared no such action would defeat her in the open air of daylight. Not to mention, the climate change would have been her undoing if she wore anymore clothing.

She breathed in the air as she walked past the food stalls, noticing that many were open and feeding the hungry mouths of the elder and children all alike. Ramen stands seemed to be the most popular, but Anomie never acquired the taste for noodles so she skipped past them. She had actually never tried ramen, as Kemuri didn't have those types of dishes. Mostly she ate Mamakari Zushi and the standard rice, although, if she did good, she'd sometimes be rewarded Otoro tuna from the merchants who'd visit the main house. She really loved the days the merchants would arrive in the village, and loved them even more when she was permitted the meals they'd bring.

If she did remarkably well, she'd be allowed to melon, which she had grown accustomed to not receiving much. They were rarely in season and merchants didn't like to carry them in their inventory. The square melons still made her happy when she saw them, and the thought of eating like a king made her work harder in her job in the past.

Rin gave her money to eat while she met her team for training since food wasn't something Rin normally bought considering her mission schedule and eating out. Anomie wasn't surprised when she found out that the girl couldn't cook anything.

There were so many stands and so much food, that she wasn't certain what to eat. She supposed it was normal in Konoha, but in Kemuri, it was more normal to be hungry than not.

She stopped, staring at the money in her hand. The currency was the same as her village, but she was still reluctant to spend Rin's money. As she absentmindedly walked again, she was suddenly pushed over with such force that she could feel her stitches opening on her shoulder. She felt a weight on her chest spread through her body as she opened her previously clenched eyes to stare at the boy who landed on top of her. He had scruffy hair, and goggles, causing a string of memories linger back on her mind.

"I am so sorry!" He shouted, as he stood up and immediately offered his hand to lift her up as well. She placed the hand of her unwounded shoulder in his, standing up to his height. His eyes widened as he noticed the bandages around her bare shoulder where the dressed scooped over, begin to soak with blood. "Oh god. I'm sorry-"

"You're Obito?" Anomie said, her voice light and musical, not paying attention to the bandages, being painted red. She was only thankful that her revealing dress didn't cover over the wound, as she didn't want to be the one to tell Rin that she got blood on it.

Obito's eyes further widened, "Oh no, my bad reputation precedes me if you already know who I am." He seemed to not recognize her, as his last visit had been a weakened shell of her true self, and this fact caused her to slightly smile before she noticed a tiny bit of concerned stares they got from the surrounding people. She bowed, assuring them that she was all right.

When she looked back up to Obito she smiled, fondly remembering all of Rin's stories about the boy. "I'm Anomie."

"The girl from the woods," Obito instantly replied, and his guilt seemed to worsen. "I don't suppose I already said I was sorry."

"It's really not necessary. Stitches open up all the time. It was really, partially my fault for not paying attention," she replied, her voice in polite monotone.

"I was late and running without thinking. Rin is going to kill me when she sees you," Obito said, and Anomie didn't have a reply to that probable factor.

"I should probably fix this," Anomie bowed to Obito, her small bits of loose hair that wasn't tied in bows and flowers fell over her shoulder. "If I fix it in time, Rin will never know."

Obito looked reluctant before he finally spoke again, "How about I take you to Rin and she'll fix it. The training grounds can't be too far."

"Are you sure?" Anomie asked, and Obito grinned, gently tugging the girl by the elbow so she had no choice but to follow, leaving the idea of eating behind for a while, and she placed the money that she gripped in her hands into the loose pouch in the dress she wore. Ninja villages were nice in the fact that all their clothing had pockets. She couldn't say the same about the kimonos she wore in the past.

"Yeah, to be honest, you coming with me could serve as an excuse to why I'm late," Obito slightly grinned, and the prospect brought a small smile to Anomie's face. "Maybe with you by my side I wont get yelled at."

"Well, it's good to have dreams," came her short response, and Obito would of thought she was mocking him if it wasn't for her general aura of indifference.

"Rin told me all about you," Obito said as they walked, his smile was innocent, so Anomie was fairly certain the girl hadn't told him everything.

"Has she?" came Anomie's calm response, and Obito's smile only widened.

"Well, not that much, but she said you were very pretty," Obito didn't show an ounce of shame when he said his statement so bluntly.

Anomie raised a single, thin eyebrow as she swept her hair aside from her face. "She told me you wanted to become a Hokage."

"Not a Hokage. The Hokage," Obito corrected, all playful attitude was replaced by absolute determination.

"Alright. Well, you have my vote," Anomie said simply. "Especially considering you're the only candidate I know."

His eyes lit up with a sad joy, slightly surprising her when she met his gaze. It made her wonder if he wasn't used to recognition of his dream. After a moment of silence, Anomie's voice cut into his newly fitted mood. "I think you need more friends. You don't believe in yourself nearly enough."

"Well, I'll officially add you in my friend's list~!"

"From what I know, me, Rin-san, and Kakashi-san. Lonely list."

"Kakashi's not my friend."

"Lonely list growing lonelier."

"You're not very nice."

Anomie didn't answer and only looked away to hide her smile. She composed her face when she glanced back at him, to find he was grinning still.

"Well, not many people understand me," he finally defended his lack of friends, and she only raised another brow.

"You don't seem very complex, but, Rin-san is your friend and I think that's all you really need," she meant to sound lighthearted, but he seemed to jump up for joy when she said the girl's name.

"You think so too?" He eagerly said, and Anomie didn't know what to say to his sudden enthusiasm, so she shrugged. "I met her when I was little. Most kids laughed at me when I spoke about becoming Hokage, but she didn't. She was the first one to support me and she's always supporting me. She likes to save everyone she meets and I think she's like a beacon of hope to anyone she heals."

"That's a very imaginative way to describe someone," she said slowly, wincing when she felt someone brush against her shoulder. Obito frowned and pulled her closer to him in order to escape the barrage of the crowd. She waved her hand, silently assuring him that she was all right, even though the blood began to soak through her bandages until there was little of the white material left.

"Well, I believe she's going to save a lot of people and I plan to protect her so she can," Obito said, his voice almost sounding manly for a second.

So that's how it is, came Anomie's musing thought, What a strange love triangle their team has. She was surprised Rin hadn't guessed Obito's obvious affection for her, as he wasn't good at hiding it if a stranger could pick up on it.

"Well, you can't protect her from everything," Anomie left out her cynical comment of shit happens and decided to stick to not upsetting him too much. "Especially during a war when bad things happen to people who don't deserve it everyday."

He looked very upset by the girl's comment and his shoulders sagged like an upset puppy's ears.

"So I guess you'll have to get stronger than your enemies," she continued, glancing towards him as they neared the training grounds. "I think the future Hokage can do that much, don't you?"

Obito opened his mouth to reply, but another voice interrupted with a shout.

"Obito you're late. Later than usual," Minato lightly scolded, his eyes running over the two.

"Sorry sensei, a black cat crossed my path so I took the longer path but then I found Anomie and we had a bit of an accident that requires Rin's expertise," Obito grinned, brushing off Kakashi's obvious scowl. Rin rushed up to the injured girl, her eyes instantly drawn to the wound with its blood bandages.

"Obito! What the hell?" Rin scolded as she began to undo the bandages without Anomie's response. Her strong grip forced them both to sit as she undid the girl's outfit so her arm was completely bare and the material uncovered much of the girl's chest that remained wrapped in tight, dark pink material in the shape of a tube top. The boys all averted their eyes, even though not much was showing while Anomie rolled her eyes. "You alright. Does it hurt?" she asked, as she undid the last of the bloody bandages.

"Only my pride," came her reply, causing a chuckle to come out from one the boys, but she didn't know their voices well enough to know who it had been.

"Well, considering the circumstances, I suppose it's alright for today and I'll excuse your tardiness," Minato said, causing Kakashi's eyes to narrow further.

"He keeps doing it because you're too lenient," Kakashi scolded, and Anomie felt for a second that he was more of a strict teacher than the actual teacher.

"Oh, come on Kakashi. You're telling me there's not a single part of you that's glad training was delayed," Obito said with a grin.

"There are rules for a reason. I'm not happy when their broken because it inconveniences everyone around." Kakashi lectured, causing Minato to slightly smile. "Now, training will go into the evening and my entire day is spent either waiting for you or training with you. I'm not sure which is worse."

Obito sat down, putting in his eye drops as he all but brushed off Kakashi's lecture. "Don't be such a stick in the mud. I don't enjoy being with you either. It's not like you're the best in the world. Every second I am late is a second away from you. It's all good enough for me."

Rin rolled her eyes as she got out her needle and thread from a small emergency kit in her bag.

"If you had been here on time, you wouldn't have further injured someone," Kakashi retorted, and Obito had no excuse as he set Anomie a small, guilty glance as he closed the cap on the eye drops.

But Obito couldn't let the other get the last word as he let out his lame retort of, "Shut up Kakashi," said silver haired boy only scoffed.

"Ignore them. It's what I do most days," Rin said, raising her hand to numb Anomie's skin.

Anomie shook her head and waved off Rin's hand. "Conserve your Chakra for your training. A needle won't hurt." Rin's hesitant gaze prided the concern, to which the girl only shook her head. Rin nodded her head and began re-stitching the wound as Anomie played with a small pink flower. It felt like home when she saw it, resembling many of the flowers she saw back when her mother was still around in their small house. They used to grow by their door until some drunken douche upturned the ground with his fight that broke said door down and ruined the flowers and their house.

"It's a Hezā flower," Rin said with a small smile as she glanced towards the flower from the corner of her eyes. Anomie's glided her fingers around the thin, string like petals. "In the language of flowers it means protection."

Anomie looked at the girl from the corner of her eyes, almost surprised. "Flowers have a language?" The innocent and sudden statement made Rin's smile grow gentler.

"I thought you said you learned flower arranging in your time," Rin commented, finishing the last few stitches.

"Flower arranging, yes, but I didn't learn any languages of flowers," Anomie said as she picked the flower from the ground and placed it in Rin's hair, using her headband to place the stem in a secure position just as Rin finished the last stitch. "There. Now you're protected."

Rin's smile grew and she stood up after gathering her medical supplies and neatly placing them back in their box. "You do embarrassing stuff sometimes, An-chan," came Rin's stiff reply as she tried to hide her smile.

Anomie only stood up with a look of indifference as she glanced towards Kakashi and Obito, who were still bickering before her gaze drifted to the sensei that passively attempted to stop them. His eyes darted to her when she took a step closer while fixing her sleeve so she was covered. One look and anyone could tell that she had no modesty.

She bowed, managing to stop the bickering of the two ninja who looked her way. "I apologize for holding up your training." Her bow was very poise and formal.

"It was Obito's fault anyway," Kakashi said, and Obito silently agreed while Anomie straightened her back and said nothing for or against the claim.

"Train well," was her last words before she departed to get some much needed food that the goggled boy had deprived her of.

The only good thing of Obito's run in was that it allowed her more time to learn the way around Konoha. That much was nice at least so she took advantage of everything as she made her way back to the food stalls, lined in tow with each other. She was officially too hungry to be picky, so she decided to let the crowd sway her decision as she glanced at the least occupied stand.

She glanced towards an obvious ramen stand with short, yellow colored curtain that spelled out 'ramen' in katakana and her pace quickened past it before she noticed that it was the emptiest stand around. She guessed that it might be because it was newer, judging by the way it looked.

Slowly, she decided to give ramen a chance as she walked to the stand, her head passing through the yellow curtain of 'ra' and took a seat on the high stools next to the counter and the wall where a man shined a cup.

What an intimately confined space between customer and chief, Anomie thought in a muse as she adjusted her position on the stool. The man looked friendly enough at least, and he turned to her with a smile.

"Welcome to Ichiraku Ramen house. I'm Teuichi," the man greeted, and she nodded as she placed her cheek against her palm while her elbow rested on the counter. "You new in Konoha?" the man asked, and Anomie took a moment to realize that he was talking to her. Ah, a conversational chief. That's nice.

He couldn't be more than 30 years old, and looked pretty spry for his age. "Yes. You can tell?"

"I've lived in this village for years. I know every face." The man said with a smile, and she found that difficult to believe about such a large village.

"I was under the impression that this stand was new," she said in reply as he filled a dish with ramen and vegetables with impressive speed and gave it to some weirdo in a green suit.

"Recently relocated. I wanted to try a spot more close to the ninja academy." He had such a kind smile that made her eyes slightly soften. "That's where the most money is at," his lighthearted comment made her slightly tilt her head. "What can I get you?"

"What's the cheapest thing you have?" She asked instantly, wanting to make the money last.

"Tare would be our cheapest," he said without a second thought as she glanced behind him at the menu.

"Tare ramen then," she said, closing her eyes and allowing the silence to overtake her, ignoring the glances she felt from the green suited boy to her right. She decided the best thing was to completely ignore his existence.

The bowl of ramen was in front of her in less than eight minutes. She grabbed the chopsticks and separated them before she realized she didn't know how to eat the noodles. She glanced at the green haired man to see how he ate them, and copied his style.

It didn't seem to go in her favor as he flashed her a sudden grin, holding up his thumb in a happy motion. The glare that caught from the sun to his white ass teeth hit her in the eye.

"I see the shine of my youth has caught your eyes," he said in an energetic tone that made the noodles she barely got in her mouth to fall back into the bowl.

She was certain something was caught, but it wasn't youth.

He flexed his muscles and grinned at her again. "You are as beautiful as ever." She saw him staring a moment longer at her bandages that covered her body's bruises and wounds. She saw that he had similar bandages around his fists, the kind that looked to hide the after effect of fighting.

"We've never met," she knew it was a mistake the moment she allowed herself to speak.

"Ah, you are mistaken. I see you every night in my dreams!" He sent her a wink, his grin still in tact as her mouth slightly opened in surprise. "I am Maito Gai! The man who now vows to lay down his life to protect you."

What the actual fuck? Anomie felt herself at a loss for what to say to his confession and every time she tried to control her composure, the green dork said something new to make it drop.

"What are you-" she began, but he suddenly jumped onto the stool next to her.

"Be my girlfriend," he said simply, and his confidence in himself practically leapt out onto her.

"You're serious...?" she murmured slowly.

"Be my girlfriend," he repeated.

She raised an eyebrow as she lifted her bowl into her palm, slurping the noodles as she leaned back against the wall. The ramen had lost its taste now that her stomach felt numb. He waited patiently for her to finish, watching as she ate the ramen in under four minutes. She sat the ramen bowl down, and the Ichiraku chief motioned the price with his hands and she placed money down on the counter and stood up.

"No," she said finally, causing Maito Gai to look disheartened for a split second.

"I still have you in my dreams," he said with another wink as he blew a kiss her way.

"I hope they do you well," she said simply, moving the curtain aside to walk away.

"She will come around. Youth calls to youth," she heard Gai say to the chief before she walked away from hearing distance.

Only once she was far away, she realized that she was laughing. Her sides shook as she held them, leaning against the wall. She let out a couple more chuckles, surprised at her mirth, before quickly composed herself and continued walking.

Her heart felt light and she remembered the weird green man's comments with fond, mocking, humor. If she was being honest with herself, she was just happy that her difficult days in Kemuri might be behind her.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

ヘザーの花 (Hezā no hana) (white Heather Flower) - symbolizes protection; Wishes will Come True


	4. Kiku no Hana

CHAPTER THREE  
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**WHEN ANOMIE RETURNED TO RIN'S HOME, SHE TOOK NOTICE TO THE** flower vase by the door. It sat on a window seal, overlooking the sun and inside was the Hezā flower, facing the sun. As she closed the sliding door behind her, she walked to the flower and stroked the petals softly with her fingertips.

"Do you like it?" Rin asked from behind her, causing Anomie to slightly jump. "I bought a vase for it. I figured it would shine protection better if it stayed alive."

Anomie opened her lips to reply, but when she looked at Rin's apron, covered in charcoal black marks she closed her mouth and stared. Rin looked down and sheepishly grinned.

"I tried to cook," was all the girl had to say before Anomie's lip twitch upwards for an instant before going back to a deadpan. "Do you think my failures are amusing?"

Anomie raised a single brow and walked into the kitchen, noticing Rin bite her lip as she did, looking like she wanted to say something before Anomie's next step. The moment she saw the scene of burn marks covering the ground and decorating the wood cabinets her eyes widened. There were puddles of water, with scraps of oil and what looked to be soy sauce scattered over the tiles.

Anomie slowly pressed her palm over her mouth, and Rin saw the girl's shoulders begin to shake.

"Hey, An-chan, are you alright?" Rin asked, but the sound of sudden laughter escaped the once stoic girl before it erupted into sweet innocent giggles that echoed across the house. It was such a sweet laugh, that Rin couldn't help but smile along, but her embarrassment was still obvious on her cheeks.

"How about," Anomie said in between giggles, "I do the cooking."

"It's not funny," Rin said as she playfully pushed the girl's shoulder. Anomie's face turned hilariously stoic once again, as if she had never laughed.

"Of course not."

"You're making fun of me," Rin said with a frown. Anomie blinked.

"I would never." Especially considering I was going to be the one to clean this up, as I highly doubted Rin really knew how to clean the big messes.

"You are," Rin said with a frown as Anomie's deadpan suddenly broke in one unconfined laugh before the girl put her hand over her lips. When she removed it, the white haired girl's expression was blank again.

"I'm just impressed you didn't start a fire," Anomie said seriously as she crossed her arm. It was as if some devil down below wanted to have a chuckle as the pan, still on the stove, caught fire. Anomie's eyes darted to Rin's before she rushed to get rid of the flames.

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"It's just until the repairs come in," Rin said as she glanced to Obito while his grandmother set up the guest bedroom for the two girls to sleep.

"So you blew up your kitchen," Obito said, and Rin frowned at his tone.

"With soy sauce," Anomie said in a monotone as she helped the grandmother set up the bed. Rin was officially not allowed to touch anything around the house after the Uchiha granny heard the story.

"Among other things," Rin added, sitting down with a pout. "But this isn't too bad. It can be like when we were kids."

"There was less of an issue with puberty when you were kids," granny muttered, her eyes crinkling with a smile.

Obito looked embarrassed and his face turned beet red when Anomie stripped off her dress to reveal her tube top and shorts underneath. She didn't seem to notice when they all stared at her at first, but she slowly glanced their way with an innocent, "what?"

"This is what I meant," granny mumbled as she walked out of the room.

"An-chan..." Rin scolded.

"What?" Anomie asked, still not getting the sudden tone shift.

"You can't dress in front of boys," she said her almost sisterly tone as if she were talking to a child. Obito whistled awkwardly as he walked out the room when he saw Anomie begin to strip out of her shorts.

"It's not like he's interested in my body," Anomie said simply as she changed into her black fitted spandex pajamas.

"That's not the point, An-chan," Rin said simply.

"I'd be more worried if you changed in front of him," Anomie said simple, slipping on knee high socks.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rin asked.

"Well, he likes you so when a boy likes a girl then obviously he wants to-"

"Forget I asked."

Anomie only shrugged.

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"Hey An-chan...are you sleeping?" Rin whispered in the dead of night, quite randomly even as she lay next to the white haired girl who hadn't moved a centimeter since laying down while Rin was tossing and turning. Anomie however, stayed on her back, arms straight at her side and sometimes it barely felt like she was breathing.

"Not when someone is talking," came the other's girl's reply as her eyes opened without a moment's hesitation.

"I can't sleep," Rin murmured, and Anomie turned her head to stare at Rin's eager expression. "I was tempted to ask Kakashi if we could stay with him, but I don't think he'd go for it."

That was random. "He might of. You said he wasn't a jerk, did you not?"

"Y-You think so?"

How the hell am I supposed to know? "Sure."

"I missed my chance to get closer."

"I'm sure you could have had many romantic moments when I stepped outside." Anomie mused in a small droll as she looked back up to the ceiling.

"Ah. I forgot about that," Rin sounded genuinely sad about a hypothetical situation, making Anomie want to scoff.

"He doesn't look too interesting. Doesn't talk much."

"Neither do you and I still like you."

"I speak when spoken to."

"Well, I think he's amazing. He beat everyone at the Chūnin exams. Obito lost against this one green suited guy but then there came Kakashi." Rin sounded amazed at her own memory.

"Hn."

"Have you really never liked anything like this?"

"I like melon bread."

"What?"

"I got some yesterday. It didn't taste like melon, but it was good."

"That doesn't count, An-chan."

"Why?"

"Because you can't kiss melon bread or hold hands with melon bread."

"...but you can't kiss or hold hands with Kakashi either."

Rin went silent, and it took Anomie a while to realize that her last statement pissed the purple striped girl off. Shrugging, Anomie decided to go back to sleep. The fact remained that she could get farther with melon bread than Rin could with Kakashi.

"You're not very nice, An-chan," Rin murmured, but suddenly cuddled into the woman's waist, making Anomie's eyes open in surprise.

Blinking, she let out a small sigh and turned her head towards Rin's form, resting on Anomie's belly.

"What can I say, I'm a bitch," she didn't hear Rin's response, which assured her that the girl had probably fallen asleep. Anomie's heart slightly warmed in an unfamiliar, but soothing ease that she had never felt before.

Anomie's world in Kemuri had been shades of grey, outlining every corner that she turned. She had grown so used to those grey clouds that she had forgotten that colors actually existed. She had forgotten that people could be inherently kind and she forgot what kindness looked like.

But with Rin, she wasn't so afraid of finding out if it was possible to remember what that forgotten something felt like.

The girl was too kind and Anomie knew that kindness wasn't easy to have in a world that is so unfair and Anomie wanted to cling to it for as long as it isn't snuffed out.

Then, maybe, she could learn to see the colors that had darkened, one shade at a time.

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Staying with Obito had proved to be uncomfortable, mostly for said boy, as being in sleeping distance to the girl of his dreams made him clumsy and awkward to be around. It didn't help that Anomie's body was constantly uncovered and there were time she'd walk around the house in nothing but a towel. By the second night, grandma Uchiha had finally set her foot down.

"New rule, Anomie wears a robe," the woman said, holding the once mostly revealed girl in a frilly, thick blue robe that had obviously belonged to the old Uchiha lady.

Anomie didn't look affected or ashamed as she sat down on the bed while Rin sighed. "Sorry Obaa-sama. The repairs will be done by tomorrow so we should be out of here by then," Rin said, and the elder only chuckled.

"I like having girls around. I'm not trying to make you feel unwelcome, Rin," the elder Uchiha said before giving Anomie a stern glance. "But I wouldn't mind teaching this one some modesty." As she looked at the girl's blank face, the older woman sighed. "Although, I'm starting to think it's impossible."

Rin gave her friend a glare, to which Anomie responded with a confused glance, obviously not understanding her own disrespecting posture. After a moment, Anomie finally spoke. "I like the robe."

"This child," the grandmother walked out, shaking her head back and forth. The moment the elder was gone, Anomie ducked as a pillow flew in the space where her head would have been.

"Was it something I said?" she asked, causing Rin to sigh.

"You need to respect your elders."

"I did. I said I liked the robe even though the blue makes even the thinnest person look like a whale."

"Shh!"

"Was it something I said?"

"You're impossible."

Anomie shrugged, taking off the robe, earning a stern glance from Rin. She then proceeded to get dressed in tight black leggings and a loose dress. She put on her shoes quickly and grabbed her wallet.

"Where are you going?"

Anomie barely glanced up, "I'm hungry."

"It's midnight."

"I'm hungry," she repeated it, as if it was obvious, and Rin laid her head roughly against the bed.

"It's dark. There's weirdoes at night."

"I'll bring a flashlight."

"That's not what I meant," Rin began, but the other girl already walked out of the room. Rin sighed, laying her head against the pillow as she heard Anomie brush off the grandmother's questions as to where the girl was going with a simple "I'm hungry" before she heard the door close.

"I think Baa-chan really likes Anomie," Obito said from the doorframe, his grin contagious.

"I didn't think that would be possible at this point in their relationship," Rin said as she sat up and glanced his way.

"She only gets this protective when she likes someone," Obito said simply. "I wasn't too sure when you took her in, but after seeing you two together I think it's good for you."

"You're just saying that cause you think she's pretty," Rin joked, and Obito immediately blushed.

"Ah...well...I don't know if she's my type."

"You don't have a type. You're 13!" came the grandmother's shout, causing Obito to frown.

"Baa-chan!" Obito whined back, causing Rin to let out a giggle.

"You have one job at 13," came the grandmother's continued shout, echoing throughout the Uchiha's house. "Study and eat. There is no in between."

"But Baa-chan!"

"Study and eat."

"Baa-chan!"

"Study and eat..."

Before long, Rin was doing all she could to stay calm as her shoulders were shaking from contained laughter.

"I don't think Anomie has a type anyway," she said, and Obito glanced over. "Unless you're rich...I think that's her type."

"Give it up! You can barely afford socks," Baa-chan's shout came out almost mocking, making Obito's cheeks inflame.

"Baa-chan!"

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The darkness of Konoha was inviting as she walked down the streets under the moon's silver glow. Her boots were soundless over the paved road, so if she closed her eyes, the silence allowed her to muse into oblivion in her head. The further she walked into town, the more people began to spring up.

They were mostly teenagers, many still in full ninja gear; making her wonder if they had just gotten back to the village. Some were probably civilians, but she didn't care to figure out which were and weren't. The food stalls were mostly pitch black, closed for the night, but some were illuminated with candlelight making it shine out.

A lot of the groups were chatting amongst themselves, and their idle whispers faded into murmurs to Anomie's ears.

She was pleasantly surprised to find the Ichiraku ramen house still opened and she saw the spiked silver hair of Kakashi, sitting on the booth. She pursed her lips as she walked forward, moving the curtain from her face as she took a seat by the wall, as she had last time. She ignored the fact that she had taken a seat next to Kakashi, despite all the empty seats. She liked the wall seat the best.

Kakashi didn't look her way, and she didn't say anything.

"Welcome. What can I get you this time?" Teuichi asked with a warm smile.

"Tare," Anomie let out her one word reply before turning towards Kakashi and placing her cheek flat on her palm and stared, her elbow resting against the countertop. Almost instantly his eyes met hers.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," came her reply.

He sighed, glancing back towards his ramen, he hadn't eaten any of it yet and his eyes were trained on a book in his palm. After five minutes of staring, he appeared to of had enough as he glanced back towards the girl next to him.

"Stop it," he ordered and she tilted her head.

"Do you take off your mask to eat?" she asked and saw the indent of his lips settle into a frown. "Do you have some battle scar? Or buck teeth. Battle scars can be sexy and buck teeth can be helpful when in the presence of nuts and other foods with hard shells."

"That's rather rude," he said simply, being the fifth person to call her rude that day, one would think she'd take it to heart. She only continued to stare.

"Are you offended because of your buck teeth?" she asked slowly and his eyes crept to her once more.

"I don't have buck teeth," he said simply, while Teuichi attempted to stay a neutral party by focusing his entire attention on cooking.

"So I'm not rude."

"It doesn't work that way," he said simply, his eyes going back to his book.

"Are you reading porn?" she asked and he snapped his head to her.

"Will saying yes make you shut up?"

"So you are reading porn?"

"So you aren't shutting up?"

"Obviously," she said, and stopped talking when Teuichi placed a bowl of ramen in front of her. She didn't spare Kakashi another glance as she ate. By the time she looked back at him, she saw that he was already halfway done, his mask still on. "Ashamed of your buck teeth?"

He scowled over to her and opened his mouth to say something witty, but was interrupted by a loud voice, and a pat to his back.

"If it isn't my rival with my lady love," Gai said, laughing as he patted Kakashi's back again while both Anomie and Kakashi went stiff.

"In your dreams," Anomie said slowly, causing Gai to grin and place a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Every night at sundown," Gai said, and her face emptied.

"What's my name?" she asked, and Gai's eyes humorously widened.

"You have the beauty of a lotus flower," he said, ignoring the girl's comment. "Am I interrupting a date? Two people, in the prime of their youth, eating ramen so late ate night." Gai looked about ready to cry as he stared between Kakashi and his apparent love interest.

"Her name's Anomie." Kakashi said simply, not bothering to deny the accusation. Nothing would deter Gai from an assumption anyway. Kakashi had learned that the hard way. Anomie sighed, as the mention of her name made Gai get closer to her.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I'm Maito Gai."

"I know who you are," she said in reply.

"So you've heard of me!" Gai looked too proud, and she saw Kakashi turn his head, hiding his smirk even though his mask did that already.

"You introduced yourself already," what is wrong with you?

"You remembered, this must be love," Gai replied, and she closed her eyes, realizing that he was going to turn everything she said back on her.

Kakashi stood up, placing money on the counter and attempted to leave before Gai placed an arm on his shoulder.

"I challenge you Kakashi," Gai shouted, while Anomie turned her chair back to her ramen and continued eating.

"It's late," Kakashi said in reply. "I don't want to."

"You can't back out this time," Gai said.

"Don't you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk," Kakashi replied, but Gai's stern looks never eased, causing Kakashi to sigh. "Fine. How about rock, paper, scissors?"

"I'll beat you this time. I will master this game of chance!"

After eight rounds, Gai was almost in tears after having lost every round. Kakashi looked ready to pound his head against a wall, and his eyes remained in an ever-present deadpan.

"This game of chance is stripping me of my youth," Gai shouted after the tenth round.

"That's because you keep picking rock," Anomie said, sipping her tea as her stool was turned towards them, having nothing else to do. She enjoyed watching Gai lose, as his expression towards rejection and losing made her slightly giddy.

Gai looked her way, "My lady is right, her gentle concern for me is making me want to cry."

"Cry somewhere else," Kakashi said simply. "I win. So I can go."

Gai held up his index finger with a gaze of determination. "One more round and if I lose I will sprint around Konoha 500 times on my hands."

"I don't believe you," Kakashi said, and Gai's expression turned hard.

"A man in his youth doesn't go back on his word," Gai said, and the silver haired ninja let out a deep sigh before he finally held up his fist in ready position. This time, Guy chose scissors, but at that moment Kakashi chose rock. The green suited man looked ready to die as he held up his index finger again and said, "one more time."

"This is hell..." Kakashi said after a moment of silence. Anomie slightly smiled, covering it in her cup as she took a sip of tea. Even Teuichi looked to be having fun, giving them tiny looks of amusement as he made the ramen for a woman who came inside a took a seat in the booth.

"Come on, Kakashi-san, give the guy a chance," Anomie finally interjected, causing Gai's eyes fill with hearts as he looked over to his self-proclaimed love. The down-casted expression that overtook Kakashi's face made messing with Gai's feelings worth it.

"I'm in hell," Kakashi mumbled in a repeat as he held up his fist. "Tell you what, I'll give you a hint. I'm choosing scissors."

"You won't fool me with your tricks. I have your brain figured out, Kakashi," Gai shouted, and Kakashi almost fell to his knees in annoyance. Gai lost. Kakashi chose scissors. "So the trick was inside the trick. Clever Kakashi. No one else could be my rival but you."

Kakashi's expression seemed to get even more deadpan, only now boarding on irritated. He slowly closed his eyes and sighed, turning around to escape.

"I'll beat you one day, Kakashi," Gai shouted, getting started on his laps. It was only an hour later that he sat down next to her, his face glistening with tiny beads of sweat. Other than that, he gave no indignation that he had just sprinted around Konoha 500 times on his hands. Anomie was soon faced with the full force of his stare.

"What?" she asked and he took a deep breath and sat down next to her.

"Two more green teas," Gai ordered the chef, who looked at Anomie for confirmation, who only shrugged.

"You paying?" she asked, as she fully rotated her chair forward to the countertop. She glanced at him lazily while he gave her a very wide grin.

"The men should always pay on a first date," he said simply and she stared at him in a deadpan.

"This isn't a date," she replied as Teuichi placed a green tea in front of her and then in front of Gai.

"You can't run from love, An-chan," Gai said with a bright grin.

"Why do people keep calling me that?" she muttered, taking a sip from her tea, placing her fingers against the bottom as she lifted it up to her lips.

"It looks like Kakashi is my rival in combat and love," Gai said with eyes full of fire. Anomie glanced towards him, trying to decide whether or not correcting him would be fun.

"I wish you wouldn't make your inferiority complex my problem," her eyes rolled, deciding the continued effort wasn't worth it. Her gaze darted to its corners, watching as a man passed by the curtain, drunk and hanging off his friends. She heard him speaking of the Oiran girls in a slurred tone as his friends all but dragged him away.

She could barely hear Gai speak after that, and her mind wondered to the red light district. The third Hokage had seemed reluctant to give her any details on the place and strictly mentioned that prostitution was illegal, but she had her doubts that the rule would be enforced in a time of war. A girl's body is hers to sell, and many had families to feed and husbands who died in war. Sometimes, all a girl could do was sell was she had.

She listened as Gai speak, but her mind never returned from that dark corner.

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"It looks good as new," Rin commented, happily rushing her hands over the new counter in the repaired kitchen. The fire that exploded had spread surprisingly far, making Rin's lack of skills feel all the more deadly.

"I'll cook," Anomie said, placing the paper bag of groceries on the countertop.

Rin sheepishly nodded, "that's for the best."

Anomie glanced the girl's way, "Cooking is all about directions. I'll teach you."

"What if I blow something up again?" Rin said with a pout. "I can't afford the repairs twice and if mom comes home to a burnt kitchen, she'll kill me."

"Don't be a child. If you're ever going to be healthy, then you have to eat something that isn't ramen for once. Or at least learn how to not make a fire when you make rice."

"I can make rice."

"I'm genuinely surprised."

"Hey...you're mocking me."

Anomie shrugged, "a little, but I'll teach you how to be better so I don't have to worry about you setting yourself on fire when I leave."

"It's not like I'm about to kick you out," Rin said seriously as she let the girl drag her back into the kitchen.

"I can't live with you forever. Someday, you and Kakashi are going to get married and you can't have me there with you," Anomie quietly joked, and Rin's lips curved into a bright smile at the thought.

"We could adopt you," came Rin's reply and Anomie turned towards her, hand on hip with a single brow raised.

"I'm older. That's weird," she retorted, and she immediately began washing the rice.

"Well, I'm sure if my hypothetical, possibly unreturned, crush on Kakashi works out, then adopting you won't be so bad," Rin replied simply, watching as the girl washed the rice.

"It's only possibly unreturned, because you possibly haven't confessed," Anomie replied, allowing the water to drench her hands as she slushed around the small grains.

"You try confessing to someone you see everyday," Rin muttered, and Anomie turned her head to Rin, eyes serious.

"Rin. I love you. Romantically. Date me," she replied, before nonchalantly going back to the rice while Rin turned to stone.

"It's different if you don't mean it!" came Rin's retort, sticking out her tongue in a childish fashion.

"Who says I don't mean it?" Anomie replied, noticing Rin's eyes immediately widened and her face reddened. Anomie's lips broke into an amused smile and a mocking wink. "I don't know why people are so afraid of confessing their love for someone. It really isn't embarrassing to tell someone that they are amazing enough to deserve affection." Anomie shut off the water and glanced back towards Rin. "Finish the rice."

Rin obeyed, shaking the water off the grains through the strainer before placing it in the rice cooker. "It's nice to think so, but confessing isn't embarrassing because of the fear to tell someone that they are always on your mind, but it's the fear of rejection that is the worst."

"Meh," Anomie brushed off Rin's words as she began adding ingredients to a bowl and whisking them together. "Then enjoy never getting any closer to Kakashi in the way you like."

"Your advice makes me so touched," Rin sarcastically retorted as she watched the other girl begin to skin the chicken before cutting it into tiny slices.

"Confess on your own time, but if you wait too long then life might ruin opportunities, even if he did feel the same way."

"Life?"

"War. Death. Those sorts of things," Anomie replied, and she glanced towards Rin. "War changes people, men and women alike, and you can't go through life thinking that if you do good, bad things won't happen to you. Bad things happen to good people everyday. If you wait too long, then you'll be the only one to suffer."

"You give advice like a mother," Rin said after a moment of pouting, to which Anomie only shrugged.

"When is your mother coming home?"

"The mission is supposed to of ended a couple days ago, but her missions usually get prolonged all the time. I can't wait for her to meet you. Maybe I can cook for her when she gets back," Rin sounded excited by the thought, and Anomie tossed the girl the knife, to which Rin reflexively caught.

"Get practicing then."

After an hour of cooking, and eight minutes of Rin putting out a small fire in the sink, the food was done and Anomie was mentally exhausted to the point where she could barely eat. Cooking had never been her favorite pass time, and she was by no means an expert, but cooking and worrying that Rin was going to set another fire the moment she turned her back wasn't how she planned spending a Friday.

But, after seeing Rin's proud expression, it all almost felt worth it and she figured that after an entire morning and afternoon of mission prepping, Rin could use the time out to enjoy something. It wasn't everyday that they got so much time to spend together, so she enjoyed what time they did have. Their schedules were quite different as most days Rin was either away on missions or training, while Anomie had usually paid a visit to the red light district.

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There weren't any girls her age in the pleasure district, but Anomie had been blessed with a matured body, so she didn't get much questions. She didn't know why she went there, especially when there were other jobs she could have gotten, but some nights felt empty and boring without the life and laughter of the entertainment.

Some sick part of her had grown so accustomed to it in her old life that it wouldn't detach from her shadow. She could do without the pleasuring aspect, but some nights she missed that as well.

The Oiran house wasn't as secluded as the one in Kemuri, as none of the girls there were allowed to leave on there own and freedoms had been dominated by the men. These ones seemed to offer more freedom, and were more crowded. The girls weren't as beautiful than in Kemuri, and but their garments and robes were stunning that Anomie grew envious as she stared at them.

She knew that if she offered herself to the house, she wouldn't be allowed to leave often and she wouldn't be allowed to see Rin on her own. She wouldn't be allowed to have even half of the freedom she had now. That thought kept her away, but each night, her thoughts walked closer to that place.

In Kemuri, she had been abducted off the streets and taken to a brothel. It was shabby, and most of the girls were homely and poor. The guests didn't care if the girl was a child. She made the house much money, before a noble man in the upper district noticed her. She was by far the youngest, and no one cared that her age was illegal.

In Kemuri, there were only two classes. The rich and the poor. The poor were of many, thin and without food, while the rich made shows of their wealth with litters of gold. There was no middle class and the rich stomped on the poor. Not many girls in the brothels ever got the chance to be anything more than a common prostitute, and many died from abortions or drunk men who put too much strength behind their fists.

The fact that a girl of nine got noticed at all was rare. She was taken off the streets and the nobleman took a personal interest in her education. He called her beautiful everyday and would often stroke her face when he bought her clothes and makeup. Only once she had been groomed, had he taken her to the Oiran house. She was the only peasant there, and it had brought unnecessary attention. She hadn't even met a Tayū until much later, and from the moment she saw the woman, showered with praise, elegance, and beauty, she had strived to become one. She wanted to be the first girl from a common brothel to become a Tayū. There was no higher honor.

Kindness didn't exist in Kemuri, and once she turned eleven, she realized why the nobleman had raised her to greatness. A man of his stature couldn't be seen or heard with a common whore.

That being said, she didn't know why her thoughts strayed back to the red light district. She had no nobleman with pockets of gold to sponsor her, but she knew that if she appealed to one of the Oiran, they would see her potential and sponsor her out of their own pockets. She was a girl already trained and as many men had agreed, she was beautiful. Anything they give her, she could repay tenfold in under a year.

So her eyes drifted back to the Oiran house once more, but she couldn't find it in her to take the first step inside.

Perhaps she wanted to enjoy her peasant life a little longer this time, even if a part of her missed the lavish fortunes of the Oiran house.

But more than that...she didn't want to disappoint Rin.

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Team Minato was leaving to some important mission in the morning, as Rin explained to her early on as she began packing her bag. Anomie didn't ask what it was, but knew that Rin would tell her eventually, as the girl had proved to clap her jaws at every secret when Anomie was near.

"The map you brought," Rin said while she packed her medical kit. "They deciphered the meaning and now dozens of missions are being deployed." Rin turned her head towards Anomie with a wide smile. "You may not know it, but you're a real hero."

"Urgh," came Anomie's grimace, causing Rin to let out a brighter smile. "I hate that stupid scroll. Everything about it is bad luck, including the information on it."

Rin giggled, sealing another medical kit into her scroll and placing it on her waist. "Well, no matter what you think, you've still saved many lives by bringing it here."

"The missions haven't been fulfilled yet. We'll see how many make it back."

"An-chan," Rin scolded, and Anomie finally remembered that Rin was about to go on a mission from the scroll's presence. Her face looked almost apologetic, to which Rin rolled her eyes at.

"Where are you going anyway?" she asked, not caring if it was confidential information, and by the nonchalance of Rin's expression, neither did she.

"The border's crossing."

"Ah. Fun," Anomie said in a toneless manner as she lay down on the bed where Rin packed.

"Well, Obito and everyone were thinking about hanging out before we all left on missions. It's sort of a tradition for us. Would you like to come?" Rin asked and Anomie glanced towards the girl from the corner of her eye.

"Where?" she asked, and Rin smiled.

"We usually get dumplings. There's lots of space in the shop so it should be fun," Rin said and Anomie blinked before shrugging.

"Whose everyone?"

"Oh, just Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Genma, Raidō," Rin noticed Anomie's eye twitch at the mention of Gai, but decided to ignore it. For the most part, the more names Rin said, the less Anomie began to care. "And Ebisu."

"Isn't Kakashi coming?" She asked, and Rin glanced over surprised.

"Why do you ask? Do you have a crush on him?"

"He isn't bad to look at."

Rin didn't seem to like the girl's honest answer, causing Anomie's lips to quirk in a mostly contained smile. "So what? Are you planning on confessing to him?"

"If I did, would you be okay?" Anomie quipped, turning on her belly to look Rin in the eyes.

Rin's eyes narrowed, and her lips pressed flatly together as she began going through her medical kit for checkups. "Of course. You and Kakashi would be cute together." Her fingers snapped something in half as she went rummaging through her bag.

Anomie watched with obvious amusement, to which Rin would have noticed if she took her eyes off the bandages that she rearranged. "We could have a June wedding and I could be his perfect little housewife and fold his laundry and make him food for when he comes home from a long mission."

Rin's expression soured, but she kept her lips sealed, trying to cover her obvious jealousy of a hypothetical situation.

"So you should confess soon before some bitch like me comes along," Anomie leaned up on her palm, flat on her chin while her elbow sunk into the mattress.

"You were playing with me." Rin said, meeting Anomie's gaze.

"Yeah."

"An-chan..."

"He'd fold his own laundry."

"An-chan..."

"And a June wedding is too hot. I see November for my future."

"I'm a ninja. I can physically kick your ass."

"You're right, you're right," Anomie said, smiling into her palm. "December would be better."

A pillow slapped her in the face before the other girl could dodge; causing Anomie's to let out an uncharacteristic laugh. In the mean time, Rin beat the other girl senselessly with a pillow, both laughing while getting wrapped into the bed.

"Alright, I give up, I give up," Anomie said, trying to get away from Rin's barrage of tickling, touching her sides. "Stop! Stop," came the girl's out of breath plea as she laughed and attempted to crawl off the bed, her hands reaching the carpet below and dragged her legs off until she fell onto the floor.

"Wuss," Rin stated as she laid her back against the bed, still breathing hard from laughing while Anomie stood up.

"Not cool," she said in reply. "I've never been tickled before. I don't like it."

"Good. I didn't do it for you to like it."

"Rude. What would Kakashi say? Well, when we're married, I'll ask him."

"Anomie..."

"What? I thought you said we look cute together. We both have white hair. It's a match made in heaven, Rin-chan."

Rin leapt off the bed in battle formation, nails extended into claws. Anomie swerved, seeing it coming this time as she appeared behind Rin's clumsy body and locked the girl's arms wrapped around in her own, her body pressed against Rin's back. "Let me go," Rin whined, and Anomie made a tisking noise.

"Thought you were a ninja. Where's all that ninja strength? Kick my ass," Anomie said in a mocking tone, causing Rin to pout.

"Anomie...you're surprisingly strong," Rin said as she struggled in the girl's grasp.

"What can I say? Sit-ups, push-ups, and plenty of juice," came Anomie's reply, releasing Rin from her arms.

"Screw you, Anomie," Rin pouted, facing the girl and using one hand to shove her on the bed before walking over to finish packing her supplies.

"I thought I was a hero. The bringer of the map."

"Shut up, An-chan."

"But in all seriousness," Anomie maneuvered her head to look over to Rin, who stood at the end of the bed. "Don't overdo it...you Shinobi might think nothing of sacrificing lives for a village, but...anyway, don't over do it." Anomie's voice was nonchalant and Rin opened her lips to respond, but the sound of knocking caught her attention, so she quickly put her response on hold, her lips in a playful smile.

"No one's dying yet, An-chan," she replied as she walked out of the room to answer the door. Anomie barely moved before the girl came rushing back in, Rin's face now stricken in worry. Anomie's eyes furrowed together as she watched the girl's once happy expression replaced by whatever news the girl had been struck with only 15 seconds prior.

"Do you want some water?" Anomie asked, glossing over the idea of asking what was wrong, and Rin looked ready to fall down.

"I have to go out for a while. The Hokage's calling me," Rin said, her lips forming into an obviously forced smile. Anomie didn't question it because if Rin wanted her to know what was wrong, Rin would tell her in her own time.

"Do you want to go alone?" Anomie asked, her tone coming out in monotone.

"I'm sure it will be okay. I might be gone for a while. I'll meet you at the Miriko's dango shop...adjacent to Ichiraku, kay." Rin didn't give the other girl a chance to respond, as the girl darted out of the room.

Anomie only nodded her head, watching as Rin rushed out of the house without a second thought. Anomie stood up from the bed, and walked to the door, watching as an unfamiliar man in a Konoha Hitai-ate, wrapped securely around his arm, motioned for Rin to follow him. Rin followed him out without a second thought.

Anomie had little else to do but watch the girl walk out, and she thought back on the worried, almost scared expression that Rin had given her moments earlier. With that thought in her mind, Anomie began to wonder what new expressions this unknown news would bring.

But she wasn't a ninja...and she had no business interfering in this part of Rin's life so Anomie settled for waiting for the girl to return.

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Rin didn't show up to the dango house, and apparently Anomie appeared early enough to be alone with Gai, who also decided to show up much before the set time. Her attempts of hiding behind a menu didn't work, as Gai was quick to sit in front of her and yank the menu out of her hand, calling her his lotus flower while doing so.

She didn't mind being called pretty, and it was actually the best part of her days, but Gai always managed to slip a compliment about himself in every compliment directed towards her.

"I know, you are stunned by my impeccable youth and strength," came Gai's comment, and she glanced up from her menu, meeting his gaze.

"I'm stunned about a lot of things," she said simply, eyes going back to the menu. "But not that."

"You're so cold, ice queen," he made a chilled motion with his hands and she found herself holding back a smile.

"What did you call me?"

"You're as dazzling as the first drop of snow."

That was new. If Gai could apply all his thought into clever pick up lines and into a different fashion sense then she might of given him a chance. Maybe. He definitely was nice, so good for him with that. "You're hilarious."

"And you are wonderful company, my lovely lotus," came his response.

"That wasn't funny or clever," Anomie mused, surprised that she actually enjoyed making fun of him and his presence was, altogether, not so bad.

"The youth is soaring in your eyes. We should exercise together and feel the burn and sweat of the morning."

She tilted her head, her expression serious as she closed her menu and leaned over the table, watching as his body froze and his face suddenly flushed when she neared his face. Her lips neared his ear and she felt her hands, palms flat against the wooden table. "No."

She leaned back, just as calmly, and opened up her menu again, checking the flavors.

"That was cold, An-chan," Gai said, dabbing his dry eyes while she only shrugged.

"And intimate. If you're like that to everyone, count me in, gorgeous," came the voice of a man, with a senbon needle in between his lips as he sat down directly next to the girl and turning towards her. "I'm Shiranui Genma. The man of your dreams, I know it." Oh god no.

"Then I'm sorry to tell you that you are the only who does," Anomie said, turning the page in the surprisingly long menu of a fucking dango shop.

"Ouch, you wound me. I feel the injury," Genma held his hand over his heart, as if wounded. "But a kiss would make it better."

"You're right. Absolutely right," Anomie closed the menu, turning towards the man, surprising him, although Gai seemed to recognize the false tone that had fooled him moments early. Her genuine tone faded into nothing as her eyes went back to a deadpan. "Gai is right there. Kiss away."

"I love this girl," Genma said, placing his arm around the girl's shoulders in a friendly gesture, rather than flirty.

"You see the youth in her eyes too," Gai sounded excited.

"No. But I see other things," Genma shrugged, and Anomie found that she didn't like the guy's tone.

"Genma. Get off her," came the voice of a woman, walking into the shop and sitting next to guy. She had dark black hair and equally dark red eyes. A man with a nonchalant gaze and a cigarette in between his lips followed suit and across from to her.

"My love," Genma leaned closer to the woman, taking his arm off Anomie's shoulders as he did so.

"Not very faithful," Anomie commented nonchalantly as she opened back at the menu.

"I am very faithful..." Genma's eyes went to the red-eyed woman's, his face brightened by a grin, the senbon in between his teeth. "...to my heart." He grabbed the red-eyed woman's palm, and kissed the back of her hand. She looked unaffected and tore it from his grasp.

"Bite me, needle-face," she stated, and Genma winked, placing his arm back around Anomie's shoulders, who let out an unladylike snort at the insult. "Anyway, I'm Kurenai, this is Asuma. You must be Anomie."

"Must be," came the girl's placid reply.

"Is Rin here yet?" Obito asked, sitting next to Asuma.

"I was expecting her to come with Anomie, considering they live together," Gai said in a calm tone, crossing his arms over his chest.

"A ninja came this morning and escorted her to the Hokage's tower," Anomie replied, leaving out the details as they seemed to be something that was Rin's business alone.

"Is she okay?" Obito suddenly looked worried, and Anomie glanced up towards him as his expression faded into concern. "Do you know why?" Obviously, it was strange for just one ninja in a team of three to be summoned alone.

Usually Anomie would have answered back with nonchalance, and a probably bitchy retort, but seeing the genuine concern on Obito's face, mixed with the fact that he had let her stay in his house...well she couldn't do that. "I don't know. She looked...scared. So...I don't know. I didn't ask, but she said that she would meet me here," Anomie glanced toward Genma with a deadpan, "Hence, the only reason I came." She shrugged the boy's arm off her and glanced back towards Obito's expression that looked genuinely worried.

Rin didn't show up, and her absence was felt despite the fact that the atmosphere was light and energetic. Kakashi ended up showing up, but froze the moment Gai met his eyes and stood up, screaming about their rivalry.

"I just want to eat," Kakashi said, sitting down next to Anomie's only free side that wasn't occupied by Genma, who kept managing to place his arm around her shoulders. It was actually rather impressive.

"Not without a fight you won't. 100 laps around the village!" Gai shouted, much to the waitress's distress as she passively tried to calm the green suited man.

Kakashi's expression remained blank, the stick of dango, loosely in his hands, two were gone, although no one saw him eat them. "Don't you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak?"

"That's a quitter's talk, Kakashi, my man," Gai ignored the insult, and his fingers formed an arrogant 'v' with his thumb and index from under his chin. "You are loosing with 20 to 19. Let's race, and let the sweat on our backs determine our strength."

Anomie visibly grimaced as she took a small nibble from one of her dangos. She nudged Kakashi, "Race...far away from here," she murmured, and everyone agreed, even the waitress.

"Traitors," Kakashi muttered, standing up. "Alright."

"That's the spirit Kakashi. LETS DO THIS," Gai looked to be even more hyped up, as he got into running position. "100 laps and then we will meet back here."

"Ready, set, go," Anomie said, unenthusiastically, and Gai winked her way.

"How about a kiss of luck, my lovely lotus?" came Gai's response.

"Genma, time to get that kiss you so desperately wanted," Anomie said, and Genma looked to consider it for a moment.

"No deal," Genma finally said, and Anomie shrugged.

"Let's go, Kakashi, for the power of youth," Gai wasted no time to sprint when he saw Kakashi make a running motion. Gai's body dashed from the shop while Kakashi calmly walked back to the booth and sat back down.

"That was fast, Kakashi," Anomie said simply, everyone laughed. "You barely broke a sweat in those 100 laps."

"The life of a prodigy," Kakashi said nonchalantly.

"I could beat Gai, hands down," Obito said, smirking over to Kakashi.

"You're welcome to try, but if you weren't able to beat him in the Chūnin exams, I doubt you will now," Kakashi said simply, and this seemed to piss Obito off.

"You bastard. You just watch. When I activate my Sharingan I kick both of your asses."

"You're special eyes wouldn't be any help for our obviously superior speed, loser," Kakashi retorted, Obito stood up, slamming his hands against the table.

"You and me, outside," Obito challenged, to which Kakashi reacted with even less emotion than he had with Gai.

"I don't need to go anywhere to beat you," Kakashi said, as if it were a fact. "Sit down and eat. Don't get offended by the truth."

"You rat bastard," Obito snapped again.

"Now, now," Kurenai said slowly, trying to calm the group down. "We aren't going to be allowed back in here if you keep causing all this commotion. I for one, will kick both of your asses if that happens."

"I'll referee," Asuma said simply.

"And I'll go on a date with An-chan," Genma said with a happy smile.

"Why do people keep calling me that?" Anomie muttered, not fully liking her new nickname.

45 minutes passed, and Kurenai and Asuma dragged Genma out of the dango shop. The man obviously didn't want to separate from the white haired girl, but two ninja against one wasn't very good odds, and the two eventually managed to get him out.

Not much time had passed, with Obito and Anomie chatting, Kakashi and Obito arguing up until Gai came rushing back inside, looking barely out of breath. He took one look at Kakashi, sitting nonchalantly in the same spot as before, and promptly dropped to his knees in front of their table.

"How..." Gai gasped out. "Impossible. You beat me."

Kakashi didn't look remotely about to utter the truth, and no one else bothered to either.

"I see. I chose my eternal rival correctly. I must get stronger," Gai stood up, the fire appearing back in his eyes. "I will beat you next time, Kakashi! After my 100 laps around the village!"

And like that, the green man disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"He actually bought it," Obito muttered, disbelieving as Kakashi shrugged.

"It only works once," Kakashi muttered as they split the bill.

"Rin's still not here," Obito said, and Kakashi's eyes snapped over to him.

"Neither was Ebisu or Raidō," Kakashi said keeping emotion out of his voice, and Anomie thought back to the way Rin greeted the ninja at their door, as if she knew him.

"Although, knowing Raidō, he probably ditched," Obito said with a tiny grin.

"Does he have, like, really unnecessary sunglasses?" she asked and both ninja looked her way as she stood up off the bench, them following suit as they walked out of the shop.

"That's Ebisu," Obito said simply.

"Then he might have been the ninja who escorted Rin," Anomie said simply. "Don't worry too much, Obito, she's strong. Even if it was serious, Rin can handle anything. If not, I suggest Kakashi takes her out for a bite to eat."

Kakashi glanced up towards her, "Why me?"

Obito didn't look happy, "Why him?"

"Boys." Anomie didn't spare the two another glance as she began to walk back to Rin's house without much else than a short, "See ya."

When she got back to the house, she noticed Rin's shoes by the door. They were usually neatly placed in a straight line, but today they were messy and far away from each other. Anomie fixed them up and took her shoes off next. Despite the fact that Rin was obviously home, all the lights were off and she walked straight into darkness before feeling the wall for the light switch. When it flickered on, the room appeared to be a mess, and the pillows of the couch had been ripped open and thrown around. The feathers from the cushions were scattered over the floor.

She heard quiet sobbing and breaking glass, causing her feet to rush into the bedroom that she had never been in as it belonged to Rin's mother.

Her fingers flicked up the light switch, and Rin's shaking form was tearing apart the room. Shattered glass littered the ground from the broken lamp, and Anomie slowly noticed a bit of bloody footmarks covered the hardwood floor.

It took her a moment to realize that Rin was crying. The Iryō-nin made no noise in between breaking stuff, including the other lamp, making the room go back into darkness.

"Rin," Anomie had no idea where the glass was, but paid no heed as she walked over to Rin's sobbing form and barely managed to see an outline of Rin's face through the little amount of light that escaped from the window. It was covered in tears and the girl looked to be doing her best to keep from sobbing out loud.

"Go away!" Rin snapped, throwing a pillow towards Anomie's frame.

"Don't be a child," Anomie said, feeling her feet cut against the glass as she knocked the pillow out of her way, grabbing onto Rin's arm and forcing the girl's arms down, despite the strength of Rin's struggling.

"I..." Rin couldn't seem to get a word out as she thrashed against Anomie's strengthening grasp, before slowly submitting to the embrace and letting out a loud sob into the girl's shoulder.

Anomie didn't ask what happened, but it didn't take a genius to not notice the picture frame, covered in broken glass and blood, fall from Rin's grasp. The light barely illuminated a picture of a girl, a smaller version of Rin, with a dark haired woman with the same blue stripes.

She didn't have to ask. Some things you just know.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

菊の花 (Kiku no Hana) (Chrysanthemum) - symbolizes fidelity, optimism, joy and long life. A red chrysanthemum conveys love; a white chrysanthemum symbolizes truth and loyal love while a yellow chrysanthemum symbolizes slighted love.


	5. Ajisai

CHAPTER FOUR  
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–•–

ANOMIE THOUGHT THAT THE EVEN WHEN HER CHEEKS WERE RED AND SHE WAS CRYING, Rin had a way of lighting up the room. It was a strange thing to think when Anomie's own body was slack with exhaustion and pain. Still, around Rin, she was hardly ever herself. Or perhaps this was the version of herself that Anomie always wanted. Either way, she knew that Rin brought that side out with a smile.

"I'm sorry," Rin mumbled as she watched Anomie bandage her feet. The woman's expression was still empty; which contrasted Rin's swollen, tear stricken eyes and red face.

"It's just glass and feathers," Anomie said, moving onto fixing the wounds on Rin's other leg. Glass had cut into the heels of the girl's feet and down her legs. Anomie wasted no time to start disinfecting and cleaning off the blood, tossing pieces of glass into the trashcan. Her own feet were still bleeding, but it was easy to ignore as moments passed. "Easy to clean."

Rin's sobs grew, and her shoulders shook. "I'm so sorry." The younger girl's face was covered in her palms. The sobbing grew to sound almost painful, and Anomie had never had the experience of consoling someone, and only continued to clean the wounds.

She settled for humming, in calming tone, an old lullaby murmuring from her childhood. She could only vaguely remember her mother singing the very same song, a long time ago.

The lullaby seemed to calm Rin down, despite the fact that there was no words in the song, whether or not it originally had words, Anomie couldn't remember as she had been very young during the time her mother would shush her cries so no one would hear them at night. The lull of Anomie's voice, quiet and serene, made Rin's shoulders visibly still.

"What's that song?" Rin asked, her voice hoarse and cracked, obviously trying to distract herself from her tears.

"Soutanshi," Anomie said, her eyes meeting the watery ones of Rin. "It's an old one...and sounds better under the muse of a koto."

Anomie had always known the soothing affect of a lullaby, and heard Rin's silent request so she continued, her voice echoing against the walls of the bathroom. She sung louder, so as to cover the sound of Rin's sobs and preserve the girl's dignity.

The moment Anomie finished bandaging the girl's leg; Rin's arms threw around her neck and hugged her in a tight embrace. This sudden motion tore away Anomie's voice, and the girl's arms remained flat at her side before slowly returning Rin's embrace.

Despite sobbing, Rin refused to allow Anomie to treat her own wounds, and forced the girl to sit still as Rin took a look at the scars that covered Anomie's feet, still sore from the glass.

"I'm sorry," Rin murmured out, cleaning the wounds.

"My mother died...and I saw it happen," Anomie murmured, the topic causing Rin to glance up in surprise. "I lied before...when I said I didn't know what happened to her. She gave her life to save me from the recruiters...the human traffickers that wanted me. Girls were known to disappear off the streets...especially the pretty ones. No one cared. There is no one who would care more than a mother."

Rin's eyes started to water even worse, and she sniffed to control it.

"Mothers are the bravest of women...and the strongest...sometimes they die for their daughters, their sons, and sometimes," Anomie felt her heart beat uncontrollably in her chest, almost to the point where she couldn't breathe. "And sometimes they die for their village. Their bravery and strength knows no limits."

"I'll never see her again...I'll never show her that I can cook...I'll never feel her hold me..." Rin's voice trembled as she cried. "She'll never see me marry...or stroke my hair when I'm sad...or tell me it's alright...I'll never see her face again." Tear drops trickled down to the bandages that Rin carefully finished wrapping, and the moment they were sealed, Anomie brought the girl into her arms and held her close, allowing the moisture of those tears to soak through her dress. "I'll never..."

"Shh," Anomie murmured into the girl's ear.

"Sing...please."

Anomie had never felt more like a mother than at that moment, holding the smaller, frail girl into her arms. She was almost afraid if she squeezed too hard, the girl would break. Her voice was light, and slowly lulled into words as she sung.

"Summer sun...why are you so red...because I had a sad dream last night. My eyes are red from the tears...I shed...swollen as I cried," Anomie's voice broke as she felt her eyes begin to water. Crying wasn't something she normally did, but her heart rose in her chest all the same. As the memories of her mom filtered through her mind, from the way her bright red hair would glisten in the sun or the way her smile felt like an infection, leaping onto another's face just as bright. She felt Rin clutch onto her like a child, and Anomie felt her tears drop on Rin's head, mixing into her hair.

The lullaby lasted long enough, and before Anomie knew it, Rin had already gone limp in her arms. Anomie wasn't a ninja and didn't have much strength, but she managed to carry Rin in her arms, and ignore the pain of her feet, pressing hard against the ground. She managed to get the girl to the bed, and lay her down gently and cover the tear soaked girl in blankets. The moment she let go, her knees gave in and she collapsed by the bed, her feet just barely managing to stay standing.

"I love you, Rin..." she whispered slowly, and stared at the girl's swollen eyes as one would a sister. "Please don't cry..."

The tears still trickled down, despite Rin's obvious unconscious state, and Anomie gently wiped them away.

Bad things always happened to the best people while the people who deserve it go on living in bliss. Anomie began to wish, for the first time ever, that she was strong enough to fight someone else's battles. Rin was in a dangerous profession and risked death every time she stepped out from those gates. All Anomie could do was watch her leave.

More than anything, she only wanted to see Rin smile again.

But she wasn't strong enough to do either one.

Long minutes passed with Anomie just numbly sitting by that bed, and holding Rin's shivering hand. She wasn't sure how long it had been. Maybe hours, maybe minutes, but nothing seemed to wake the sleeping girl's form. That was good. Dreams are better than reality, and Anomie wanted Rin to dream a little longer, before reality took hold and tore away that smile forever.

The sound of knocking didn't phase her much, but she slowly stood up and kissed the back of Rin's hand before letting it go. She walked to the door, numbly opening it and seeing Obito, covered and wet with the falling rain. His eyes looked wide and worried, and Kakashi was behind him, looking a little less deadpan than usual.

"Is Rin okay?" were Obito's first words, and Anomie instantly placed a finger over her lips to silence him to a whisper.

"We saw Ebisu...he told us what happened," Kakashi said, stepping inside and taking off his shoes, immediately noticing the mess of glass, feathers, and pillows, covering the room. Obito didn't take off his shoes and immediately went to find Rin.

"Polite and not so polite. There's never a time to forget proper manners," Anomie stated, her face without expression. The moment of weakness; the moment where tears had actually filled her eyes was nowhere to be seen. "She's resting and I'm about to start cleaning."

Kakashi's eyes instantly went to the bandages around Anomie's feet and legs, "What happened?"

"Ahh...It's only flesh." Anomie glanced at the bandages and walked into the kitchen to get a trash bag. He immediately noticed that she didn't wince when she stepped, as if she were used to the pain by now. He slowly nodded, noticing how her pride was obviously greater than her pain. He slowly followed where Obito had gone, and found said boy standing by Rin's bed, frozen stiff.

Kakashi was relieved to see the girl hadn't done anything too stupid, and backed out to let Obito have his time with her. Kakashi didn't see the point in sitting next to someone who is asleep. He also didn't see the point in sitting next to Obito.

He walked back into the other room, finding that Anomie had started picking up the torn pillows and other ruined items and throwing it into the bag. She was careful not to step on the glass, and Kakashi noticed that a bit of red had begun to seep through the bandages around the bottom of her feet when she walked.

"I'll do it," he said and he obviously wasn't asking as he grabbed the bag from her grasp, taking her place. She didn't fight him and instantly went for a broom to begin sweeping.

Kakashi's speed ended up being much greater than her own, and the moment she began to sweep the glass, he grabbed it from her and took her place. She found herself stuck only watching as he cleaned before she grabbed a rag and dampened it before she tried to clean a bit of the blood droplets off the hardwood floor. Kakashi once again, quickly finished sweeping and grabbed the rag, taking her place.

She stood, just watching him, before she covered her mouth with her palm as she tried to cover her small smile. "I'm not handicapped," she mumbled, and he glanced her way, both eyes narrowing onto her before staring at her bandages. He stood up and all but forced her to sit down on the couch as he continued the cleaning and she watched.

"You're nicer than I thought you were..." she murmured, and Kakashi's shoulders slightly tensed before he went back to cleaning. For the first time, Anomie was able to see the side of Kakashi that Rin had been talking about, and for a moment, she couldn't look away.

But pride was pride, and Anomie snuck to the kitchen and began to cook while Kakashi followed the trail of blood to Rin's mother's room.

Anomie felt like a bit of a housewife for a moment, but she ignored the surge of annoyance as she continued cutting up the vegetables and making the stew.

"Sit down. I'll do it," came Kakashi voice from behind her. Anomie slightly smiled again, and she turned her head towards the masked boy.

"Do you even know how to cook something besides maybe instant ramen?"

"I live alone. Of course I know how," Kakashi retorted, forcing her aside and taking her place.

"Cut them vertically," Anomie suggested, and Kakashi quickly obeyed, while she watched him. She saw his skills in cooking were nowhere near as good as his skills in bragging, but she didn't question his determination. She had basically done most of the work anyway, so she doubted he could screw it up too badly.

"Stop staring," he said with a frown, causing her to shrug. "Sit down."

She bit her lip and brought a chair next to him, still staring him down and enjoying the sight of him tensing.

"I will knock you out if I have to," he told her and she covered her smile in her arms.

"Oh no. Whatever will I do against the great and powerful Chūnin with his great and powerful gelled hair."

"It's naturally this way."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want."

"I will."

"...It's natural."

"I don't believe you."

For a single moment of speaking to him had made her forget about her troubles and drown in the sound of his voice, lulling her eyes closed against her arms until she could only hear the quiet sounds of him cooking.

It wasn't so bad...Rin's friends...they weren't so bad.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie was woken to the soft smell of stew, filing her nostrils and causing her eyes to slowly open as she felt her form was covered in the soft blankets and no longer laying against a hard chair. Instead she rested on a bed with Rin sleeping comfortably next to her. Anomie slowly sat up, careful not to wake Rin as the bags and puffy-ness of her eyes all but alarmed her.

The room was dark, and the tiny candle, flickering next to her, was the only thing that allowed her to see. She slowly took off her covers and stood up, wincing as her feet touched the ground. She ignored the pain as she escaped the darkness of the room and followed the scent of food until she came to the kitchen and saw Obito cooking, his face looking smug.

"You should be resting," Kakashi said, and Anomie's eyebrow raised.

"I'm good. You cleaned up around here...thanks. What happened?" she asked, referring to the change in cooks.

"Kakashi can't cook anything but rice and fish," Obito said, sounding even more smug while Kakashi's face turned into a scowl.

"I thought you said, 'I live alone, of course I can cook,'" Anomie said, her face blank, but she was hiding back a smirk, not wanting to seem rude to the guy who basically cleaned the entire house out of kindness. Or pity. Whichever.

"Shut up," Kakashi muttered to both of them, closing his eyes and leaning back against the chair.

"I, however, help Baa-chan cook all the time," Obito said as Anomie walked up to the stew, before she picked up a spoon and dipped it inside. She brought it to her lips and took a taste, the heat slightly burning her tongue, but it didn't hurt too much. "I don't like to brag, but I think I am pretty good."

"Kind of bland," she murmured, putting in some salt and other spices, ignoring the sudden change of expression from Obito.

Kakashi snorted, causing Obito to point towards him with a scowl.

"Screw you! I'm still better than you!" Obito snapped, to which Kakashi ignored.

"A loser is still a loser," Kakashi commented while Anomie turned towards Obito.

"Thanks for making it. I'm sure Rin will like it now," Anomie commented, putting down the last spice and causing Obito to frown.

"That's a rather backhanded compliment, An-chan," Obito whined, and Anomie shrugged, walking towards the cupboard and taking out four bowls.

"She needs to eat something warm and get better for the mission tomorrow. As long as it's edible, I'm sure she won't mind," Anomie commented, ignoring Obito's comment and the nickname he decided to call her. She also ignored his muttering of a 'backhanded compliment' and her being 'rude' as she shifted on her feet. She began filling up the bowls and taking one in her hands, walking to Rin's room without another word.

Said girl's eyes were open, blank, her back propped against the wall. She didn't glance her way, no matter how close Anomie got to the bed. She turned on the lamp as she set the bowl down on the stand next to Rin.

"Eat," Anomie ordered, and Rin didn't move, as if she didn't hear. "Eat or I'll force it down your throat."

Rin turned her head towards Anomie's cold tone. Despite the tone, Anomie's face was blank and she lifted the spoon to Rin's lips. Upon meeting Anomie's gaze, Rin slowly opened her mouth.

"Good. Obito made it. And Kakashi helped," Anomie found herself smirking as her voice leveled into a whisper. "You got a meal prepared by the guy of your dreams." She left out the fact that Kakashi didn't actually do much, but the mention of his name managed to bring some life back into Rin's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Rin muttered, and Anomie sighed.

"For what?"

"Everything."

"Just eat and shut up. You didn't do anything," came Anomie's retort.

"I have to get ready for the mission...I have to..."

"It's not for another eight hours. Move one more muscle and I'll tie you down."

"You're back to being rude," Rin said in a toneless voice, her hand shakily reaching for the spoon and bowl.

"I never stopped," came Anomie's reply as she sat on the bed, her body lightly brushing against Rin's. "Your friends really care for you. Put off your feelings for the mission and they will take care of you after. Eat. Be healthy...but do your duty."

Rin's grip tightened on the spoon, and at that moment Obito came rushing in. "You're being harsh An-chan!"

"No, she's right," came Kakashi's voice, causing Obito to get angry.

"She's right," Rin agreed, sitting up straighter.

Anomie shrugged, and stood up, leaving Rin to her comrades.

"An-chan...thank you," Rin murmured, just as Anomie got near the door. She didn't answer, and only walked out, hearing the upset mumblings of Obito behind her.

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The moment Rin left for her mission, Anomie began cleaning out the apartment of all traces of the girl's mother. She placed the picture frames that once littered the apartment, into boxes and placed them all in Rin's mother's room. She knew that Rin would be unhappy at first, but she knew that this would be better for her if she didn't come home and be reminded of the loss at first sight.

Her eyes found the flower, that she had picked many months ago, still standing strong and upright. Rin's Chakra kept it alive, and Anomie had caught the girl placing Chakra into the flower every morning so it wouldn't die. The flower that symbolized protection didn't feel very protective, and Anomie was tempted to throw it away for a moment, before she left it as is and leaned against the wall.

Now that Rin's mother was dead, Anomie began to wonder just how thing would change. Finances would be more difficult, especially since she herself was living off of Rin's money. The death also surfaced memories she would have preferred stayed buried. Once more, her thoughts went back to the red light district, and this time they didn't stray.

Anomie began to doubt that they ever would. She had been one of the few girls that never rebelled or complained or tried to run away. She had no love for her life in Kemuri, and yet being free to do whatever she wanted, but having nowhere to go and nothing to do except sit around and wait for Rin to come home.

She felt like a prisoner.

And such led her body to that house. The inside was nothing like the Oiran house in Kemuri, and this one was filled with high levels of prestige and far more obvious shows of money, decorating the girls and the house. Most of the red light district was run down and poor, as if this house was like a black hole, sucking the life from the district.

That would suit Anomie just fine.

"I want to be an Oiran," she said, all the while pondering what fit of stupidity was forcing her body to bow to the groups of Oiran girls. What kind of stupidity was controlling her mouth and her legs? There were no men in sight, as this time of day was usually brought on by the girls putting off appointments as to seem more mysterious. It was the same in Kemuri, so Anomie was easily able to guess the correct time here as well.

The Oiran promptly laughed, taking one look at her slightly poor choice of dress and making a mockery of everything else. The Oiran house was never friendly to those without money, and it had always been as such.

"I am already trained. Exceptionally well," Anomie continued, her body in the perfect bow. "I haven't the money nor a sponsor...so I ask that one of you sponsor me and I won't rest until I have paid you all back...ten fold."

"These are just words, child," came a voice of a woman far away from the rest. She was a woman tall and beautiful with a face covered in white, pale makeup and ruby red lips. Anomie could almost immediately feel her presence was different than the rest. A Tayū. "You'll find...we listen to facts. Not words, child." The way she repeated child was offensive, if not mocking, but Anomie knew it would be senseless to react.

"Listen to whatever you like. I am what I say," Anomie replied, her voice in monotone.

"Arrogance is justified when there's something to back it up. So far, all I see from you, child, is a beautiful face and big words," the Tayū replied, her voice making some of the Oiran laugh, but Anomie's face remained impassive.

"Test me if you like. I am what I say," Anomie repeated as she sat up from her bowed position, staring the Tayū straight in the eyes. "I might even be better than you."

All the Oiran looked shocked by the words, and stared to the Tayū, as if they were waiting for the woman to snap.

But instead, the woman only laughed, a musical sound that as she whilst hiding her chuckle behind her fan. The Oiran looked surprised, especially when the Tayū, with her fan, motioned for Anomie to stand up. She obeyed without a second thought.

"Come with me," the Tayū said slowly.

"Minami," One of the Oiran looked shocked, staring over to the Tayū as if said woman were crazy.

Minami didn't looked happy to be questioned, and her scowl immediately made everyone cease chatting. As Anomie began to walk through the Oiran, she immediately saw one attempt to trip her with a closed fan, but Anomie was so used to such actions in Kemuri, that she easily dodged it.

Their obvious signs of hatred didn't bother her, as the women who made their emotions so open didn't scare her. If anything, it was people like Minami, who had full control over said emotions, who were calculating and vengeful, but not obvious. Those were the type to fear. When you have no idea what someone really thinks of you, it makes the surprise attack all the more effective.

Anomie followed the Tayū into one of the many rooms, and watched as the woman took a seat, her legs folded under her thighs next to a small Kotetsu table, stripped of its futon for the summer. When she saw that Anomie hadn't moved from the door, she motioned for her to sit across from her.

Mirroring the Tayū actions, she sat down in a similar stance.

"You realize that you have offended every Oiran in this house, do you not?" Minami said and at that moment one of the Shinzou* girls, the servants of the Oiran, came in with tea. There were two of them, and they couldn't have been more than 15 years old. They weren't the most attractive of the girls in the Yūkaku house, so that no doubt contributed to why they served the Oiran instead of the customer.

"I am not here to make friends," Anomie replied, watching as one of the Shinzou poured the tea into two cups before bowing and walking near the door and standing straight.

"None of us ever really do. You have received lessons," Minami said, her voice cutting through the silence as she lifted the tea cup and slowly spun the cup before lifting it, her hand underneath as she took a seat. "I can tell that much at least. You met with my yarite**...I am impressed that you got him to lie to us on your behalf. He said you were very rich and a man."

"I'm afraid I am neither of those things," Anomie agreed, and she saw Minami smirk, holding back her obvious trickle of annoyance.

"If you have enough to make men do your bidding, especially men in service of me...I had no choice but to allow this one on one conversation," Minami didn't sound pleased, but made no move to hide her impressed gaze. "Our work has flourished during this war...men are quick to seek our comforts."

"The Hokage had said that this isn't a house dedicated to that kind of pleasure."

"The Hokages have never really been able to control the red light district, and have never gone as far as putting this establishment out of business. We do no wrong, and we make men happy."

"If they can pay for it."

Minami bowed her head an inch, a smile lingering on her lips.

"You are gorgeous," Minami said, setting the teacup down as Anomie picked up hers. "And polite...to a point. You've been a kamuro***, have you not? I can tell. We all have similar pasts, and your rude behavior is like looking in a less talented mirror."

Anomie didn't comment.

"Your arrogant comment about replacing me has not been forgotten, Anomie," Minami continued, her eyes closed as she took another sip of tea. "While it did not win you my favor, it did win you my attention. Congratulations. I see potential in you."

"So I am that beautiful?" she said and with Anomie's tone of voice, the words didn't sound like a question. It was a statement tone, as if she had said the sky was blue.

"Arrogance will get you nowhere."

"It got me here."

Minami hid her smile behind her now opened fan, but didn't speak of insults like Anomie had attempted to bait. "I will sponsor you. If not to see your success, then if to see your failure." A rather sardonic laugh escaped the Tayū lips. "Nothing would please me more, An-chan."

That nickname again. What the actual fuck?

But Anomie only bowed, her head hovering over the ground while her hands moved to their appropriate places.

"Thank you very much."

"Thanking me is not necessary as of yet. It's a loan, not a favor. You know the life we live. If you let it consume you, like it has consumed many others, you will become a walking corpse. I can't lie and say that I hope you will overcome it. Seeing your arrogance fade into an empty doll would be the highlight of my week," Minami said simply, standing up and looking down as Anomie began to sit up. "Clothes and your hair. It's all wrong. The white hair, I can handle, but the pink dye has to go."

Minami was beautiful, with pure black hair, and onyx black eyes with pale skin and clear features. Anomie was surprised she was allowed to keep any of her original hair color at all, so she had no complaints about the strips of pink.

"I prefer more darker colors in my girls." Minami walked around the table, stopping in front of Anomie before she knelt down, pressing her palm against her cheek. Anomie's eyes darted towards it, but didn't say anything. "But customers don't care about hair color, as long as you know how to move, when speak, how to entertain, those sorts of things. You are right about one thing to be arrogant about, An-chan. You are very beautiful and you have such pretty eyes. But beauty won't mean anything if I have your skin torn from your disrespectful body."

Anomie only had to hold back her smile. There wasn't anything she particularly liked about Minami, but she was at least beginning to respect her. Anomie never liked the last Tayū who had taken to bossing her around and almost getting her killed, but Minami seemed much smarter than Ohashi. Smarter and colder.

But at least Minami wouldn't do anything stupid and cause Anomie to lose her life in the process. She would be more worried about Minami taking a much more direct attempt on her life. That wasn't something Anomie had to fear. It was better this way.

For the first time since arriving in Konoha, Anomie felt like she was where she was supposed to be.

From here on out, her life before was easily erased.

A part of her felt almost sick at the thought of selling her body like before, but that greater part of her yearned for the excitement of making men want her. Of making men shower her with praise and gifts. Of making everyone submit underneath her.

A part of her, that sick, twisted part, felt like she deserved the treatment and degradation that came along with it. She knew that Konoha wasn't supposed to have slaves, but no village is perfect and every Oiran in this house is bound to it. And that was what Anomie ultimately wanted.

She wanted the pretty dresses and the beautiful makeup and the worship of men. Her flesh was a small price to pay for it.

That night, Minami's Shinzou stripped her down and examined every inch of her body for imperfections. They found that she already had the Oiran mark on her neck, and Minami watched as they scrubbed her body of the worldly filth until her skin was raw and red. Anomie didn't move and stayed standing as they did their duty.

"Your tattoo..." Minami stood, and grabbed Anomie's wrist, finding a small black marking right under the heel of her wrist. It had been on her for as long as she could remember, and a point came where Anomie had stopped questioning what it was. "This might be a problem. I do hate damaged goods."

"We could burn it off," one of Shinzou suggested, and Minami met Anomie's gaze, finding that it was free of fear of that fact.

"Would you like that?" Minami asked, and her voice remained neutral with no trace of kindness.

"Whatever you desire," Anomie replied, and Minami raised a single thin eyebrow before she dropped her hand like poison.

"I'll have it burned away soon enough. I do hate those kinds of tattoos that turn property into something else. An Oiran only needs markings that remind them of what they are..." Minami's faced remained impassive. "Property. None of these girls came to us on their own violation. You are the only one. Hopefully friendships aren't what you're looking for, Anomie."

Anomie remained silent.

"But no matter. I will pay for your kimono and your very own Shinzou until you are able to do so yourself. Housing, I can pay for as well."

"I have a house," Anomie replied, and Minami's expression turned blank.

"How close is it to this district? You aren't naïve enough to think I'd allowed you to go far while you are under my care, are you?"

That night, for her disrespect, Anomie was disciplined by the warm welcome of a bamboo stick. Minami gripped her by the hair, in so tight a fist that Anomie was nearly certain that her hair was to be ripped out, "I will destroy you." The threat might of once filled Anomie's heart with fear, but she didn't feel anything. The pain was expected from the first moment Anomie had opened her mouth and she accepted it like a brother in arms as it reminded Anomie the thing she had begun to allow herself to forget...

That no matter where and what the village, this was what she was.

That thought struck her harder than any lash, and she found herself numb to its realization.

The pain was well deserved and it made her feel subdued...it made her heart fill with a sense of knowing her place.

It was the only thing that made her forget her past and her future. It was the only thing that allowed her to live in this world with her eyes closed and body submerged in darkness.

This was good enough for her.

"A Geisha is a work of art that struts around and remains untouched. An Oiran is a sculpture. You have to feel it to know its worth and the longer it stands, the more knicks and imperfects appear for fingers to dig into the crevices of the art. It is beautiful, even as it crumbles. That is what you will do. Oiran or not. The poison remains and soon enough, you will crumble too."

AUTHOR'S NOTE

A brief description of Anomie is as follows: She's an Aquarius. Her favorite food is square melon. Her least favorite food is udon and salted pork. She doesn't really have any hobbies outside of worrying about Rin and maybe reading on occasion. She can't change her voice whens she's singing, so it's always soft and sweet and never sways to a deeper tone. Her most sensitive area is her ears and her neck. She also sometimes doesn't know the meaning of a 'tactful approach' and everything she says is honest, mostly rude. She has a heart-shaped birthmark on her left butt cheek that sometimes looks like a smiley face when she is at a certain angle.

That last piece of information felt a bit too personal aha.

紫陽花 (Ajisai) (Hydrangea) - symbolizes heartfelt emotions. It can be used to express gratitude for being understood. In its negative sense hydrangea symbolizes frigidity and heartlessness.

*Shinzou - Shinzou (新造) were girls older than kamuro, and were trainee for yuujyo. There are 4 types of shinzou. Bandou shinzou (番頭新造) were girls that were not too attractive to become a yuujyo, or yuujyo that are too old for their job. They took care of the oiran. Furisode shinzou (振袖新造) were yuujyo trainees around the age of 15-16. They did not take customers. Furisode shinzou became oiran in the future. Tomesode shinzou (留袖新造) were the same age of the furisode shinzou, but did not had the future of becoming a high grade yujyo. They took customers. Lastly, taiko shinzou (太鼓新造) were yuujyo that didn't have many customers for sex work, but were very good at entertaining customers with their talents. They showed their talent at banquets.

**Kamuro - Kamuro (禿) were girls that did every day chores for the oiran. The girls were around 10 years old. They did everyday chores of the yuujyo in charge, who would then educate the kamuro about yuujyo.

***Yarite If you wanted to spend some time with the oiran, you had to contact someone in between. This person was called a yarite (遣手). This was applied not only to oiran, but to yuujyo in general.


	6. Orenjimokku

CHAPTER FIVE  
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–•–

SUMMER PASSED AND WITH THE RISE OF AUTUMN, A COOL BREEZE SWEPT THE leaves into a bed that cover Konoha in a haze of orange and red. For the first time, Anomie was able to see the leaves of the trees begin to change their shade and fall to the ground, littering the streets in their mess. The canals were now filled with fallen leaves, swept away by the breeze.

Rin's temperament had begun to heal as the seasons changed, and the girl even smiled more. Much hadn't changed between the two, as Anomie didn't allow it to. With money coming in from every client, Anomie kept the pay of rent and food for Rin's living expenses quite easily.

It happened just as Anomie thought it would, and she ended up on the rise of popularity. None of the other Oiran liked her, but such was to be expected in a profession so cut-throat and competitive. Their taunts grew as nights went on, but under Minami, Anomie remained untouchable and her name was changed in that house to 'Kiyomi'.

Being Kiyomi and Anomie at the same time became like second nature on the days where she snuck out to keep up pretext that she still lived alongside Rin. Playing as two people became like second nature from the moment she welcomed Rin home.

The flower of protection still stood strong under Rin's care. In the beginning it hadn't meant much to Anomie and she had given it to Rin as a passing whim. Eventually she began to take comfort in it and staring at it became her only source of solace for the long nights that came while Rin was away on mission.

By the end of fall, her first client had taken Anomie's body for his own. He had proved his wealth, and had once been a regular with Minami until Anomie had stolen him away. Minami hadn't been happy at losing a client, but made no complaint as Anomie's popularity increased.

None of the girls liked giving their bodies, but Anomie's experience hadn't been so bad and she did her duty.

The older man wasn't so kind, and his hands left bruises on her skin.

The one on her neck looked the most apparent, but makeup covered it easily. Despite her flesh being scarred and stripped empty, her pockets were full so what right had she to be dissatisfied.

"The missions have been piling on lately," Rin complained, leaning her head against Anomie's shoulder as they walked through the village. "I'm so tired."

"Once I'm Chūnin, I'll make these mission go by fast," Obito said, happily grinning as he walked on Rin's other side.

"If you become Chūnin," came Kakashi's lazy comment from Anomie's right, and Obito's expression twisted into a scowl.

"I will! This year's Chūnin exams will be a breeze! I'm going to be the Hokage someday! You'll see, you bastard!" Obito snapped, and Rin giggled.

"I believe in you, Obito," Rin commented and Obito grinned, rubbing under his nose as his cheeks lightly flushed.

"You're giving him false hopes. He can't even activate his Sharingan," Kakashi retorted, and Anomie could see the outline of a smirk through his mask.

"You bastard!" Obito jumped in front of Kakashi, finger drawn and pointed straight to Kakashi's face while Minato sighed from behind them.

Anomie began to reconsider meeting them at the gates for every mission's conclusion.

"Lets take this outside!" Obito snapped. "You and me!"

"We are outside, dumbass," Kakashi replied, impassively.

"Now, now," Minato said, attempting to bring order back to his team, but his face remained lighthearted and innocent. It wasn't nearly stern enough to do what he wanted.

"If you're going to fight, I suggest you do it in the training grounds," Anomie suggested, not attempting to stop them.

"Or better yet, you can try not fighting for once." Rin suggested, playfully shoving the other girl.

"I have a better idea." Kakashi's body disappeared and reappeared behind Obito, kunai to the kid's throat. "I win."

"You bastard! I wasn't ready!" Obito exclaimed while Kakashi only shrugged and walked off on his own.

"You'll show him when you become Chūnin," Rin said with a smile, causing Obito to grin.

"Minato-sensei, you have to treat me for a meal when the exams are done~!" Obito said with a grin.

"Only if you do well," Minato replied with a playful smile.

"You wait!"

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Anomie's night was full and by the time she was done, her body was slightly sore and no matter how hard she scrubbed her body she still felt hands touching every inch of her skin. She had taken the precautions on preventing pregnancy, but when she watched her thighs dripping moisture as she washed her body, her stomach felt full in the most disgusting way. The *Shinzou did their duty and scrubbed her down.

That did nothing to calm the feeling in her stomach as she found her throat give way to her small lunch into the toilet. The fear of pregnancy raided her thoughts and the Shinzou gave her the daily medicine to make it go away. She had no desire to meet with the head of the Yukakū house so soon just because of once mistaken pregnancy. The owners of brothels never took kindly to mistakes, but Anomie was vaguely surprised she was even still capable of having a child anymore.

She had always hated the medicine as it always made her insides burn and made it difficult to keep food in her belly, but it was worth the pain.

With the Chūnin exams coincided with daily life, business was blooming as many came from all around the the country to try out Konoha's pleasure district. It was no surprise that Anomie had become popular in the light of hundreds of perverts leering at her body all day. She doubted they cared about her age.

More than anything, she missed Rin. It was a dull ache that led her to sneaking out late in the night to get away. She was more athletic than the other Oiran, and running had always been her favorite pastime. Her stamina had long since been built up from her prior years training under Ohashi, who had been a Shirabyôshi** dancer long before she was a Tayū. Everything Anomie knew about seduction, dancing, and singing had come from the dead Tayū.

After the cleansing, the Shinzou dressed her before leaving her alone in her room. She slowly opened the sliding paper doors and felt the cool breeze drift into her hair. It was usually pinned up in many decorations, but for once, she allowed it to fall to her shoulders in a barrage of white. She sat, her bottom rested securely on her resting ankles as she felt little bits of dried leaves drift into the room and dart past her cheeks.

She sighed, slowly standing up and walking onto the outside halls that overlooked the trees. Her shoes remained by the door and she put them on before closing the sliding doors behind her and walking out of the house.

The streets of the red light district weren't too packed, and the hotels were glowing with lights, but she skipped those as she let her feet take her where she wanted.

Her stomach rumbled in hunger (which was a nice change since she hadn't been able to properly digest food in days) and that finally lead her to the ramen shop. She took a seat next to Kakashi, as if it were second nature. He looked like he just got through with training, like usual. Why he decided to train so late, she never bothered to ask.

Just like he never asked why she walked around so late in the night.

Teuichi smiled at her, his face kind, as he began making tare ramen. He never asked anymore since that was the only thing she ordered.

"Lovely night to show a girl his face," Anomie greeted, and Kakashi turned her way. She saw his lips form a scowl from behind the mask, causing her to fight back a smile. "Don't worry. If this is about the buck teeth," her voice dropped into a whisper as she leaned forward. "I won't judge."

"Shut up, Anomie," he retorted, rolling his eyes in a lazy manner.

"You look exhausted," she murmured, motioning to the bags growing under his eyes. "Don't overdo it with missions."

"It's a war. What do you expect?" he muttered, and by the time she blinked, half of his ramen was gone and his mask remained still on.

She clicked her tongue, vaguely impressed and surprised he actually dignified her words with a retort, "I expect you take care of yourself. Was I correct in assuming you can't cook your own nutritious meals?"

"Was I correct in assuming that you can't mind your business," Kakashi's eyes met hers, and her lips twitched in a held back smile before she lazily covered her lips with her palm.

"You were," she replied, and the sleeves of her kimono slipped down, forcing her to quickly stopped its descent with her other hand. She didn't bat an eyelash as his eyes snapped to the bit of exposed bruises that was only visible for an instant. He said nothing against them.

"How is Rin?" Kakashi asked, glancing her way. Anomie blinked at the changed subject, but welcomed it.

"As expected. She still misses her mother, but time heals those types of wounds," Anomie sighed as a bowl of ramen was placed in front of her. She bowed her head in thanks and parted her chopsticks. "In time, the pain becomes a distant memory on most waking hours until she will get used it and it will numb over the course of her life." She glanced back towards Kakashi, finding he had frozen and his eyes were slightly wider. "That's how people deal with the death of a loved one...or so I've read. I wouldn't know personally."

"I see," came Kakashi's slow reply.

"She'll be okay and by the time Obito becomes a Chūnin, team Minato will be back together again." Anomie's voice gave away the humor and amusement almost immediately, and Kakashi scowled. "What don't you like about Obito anyway? He seems nice to me."

"He's always late for everything, he never follows the rules, and he's arrogant even though he has no skill," and like that Kakashi began to rant in a way Anomie had never seen from him. By the time he was done, Anomie had already finished her ramen.

"Wow," was Anomie's only comment after he had finished his speech. After that brief silence in the aftermath of his rant, she broke out into a laugh.

"Other than that, he's not so bad," Kakashi finished as he turned his deadpan eyes to the girl. Seeing her laugh made him give a closed eyed smile in return.

"Well, he's on your team, so you'll get along eventually."

"Don't hold your breath."

"If I were you...I'd make up with him soon and start being friends," she commented in return, her eyes falling to meet his.

"Why?"

"It's a war Kakashi," Anomie replied, yawning into her palm. "People die everyday. Young and old, it doesn't matter. It's important to be on good terms with your friends, otherwise there will only be regret in death." Her thoughts darted to the nostalgic memory of Ohashi's smile and lips against her forehead.

"I don't think we're on particularly bad terms," came Kakashi's sigh.

Anomie shrugged, standing up and stretching her arms over her head, "You called him a dumbass and he threatened to make you eat your own ass this morning. But sure, despite that, you're on great terms." Anomie giggled, paying Teuichi and bowing her head. Kakashi followed suit and stood up. They both exited the food stall together and she turned her head towards him. "Were you waiting for me?"

"It's dangerous for a person who doesn't know how to fight to walk around at this time of night," he replied nonchalantly.

"My hero," her coo was emotionless, so he didn't take it seriously.

"Shut up."

"Whatever will I do without a ninja's protection?" She continued and he sighed.

"Anomie."

"I'll never be able to defend myself without the help of your strong arms."

"Gross."

She slightly giggled, breaking her emotionless façade as she held her wrist from behind her back. Their walk back to the Nohara complex was silent, as both were not the greatest fans of extended speech, but it was a comfortable silence and in made her feel rather safe with him by her side.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie's eyes gave one last glance towards the seal below the heel of her palm before she gave her hand to Minami's Shinzou, who promptly pulled her close. Now that the time for it to be burned off had arrived, the action began to feel more like a punishment than a necessity. This didn't surprise her as the Shinzou held the metal branding, heating in the fire, and burned it into her skin without a hesitation.

Minami watched, smoking from her thin pipe as she blew smoke in Anomie's direction. The black tattoo was then replaced by scolding hot, pink skin. The pain seemed to never fade, and Anomie's knees gave out as her eyes clenched shut. The moment the last of the black tattoo, once shaped in a circle filled with unreadable kanji, faded and broke apart, Anomie felt her heart clench in pain. In that moment, the only she had had left of her childhood and her mother and her village was burned away in the steam of smoke and pain, much like everything else in her life.

For a second, a mere instant, Anomie's eyes fell to her other hand and saw it begin to disappear in smoke. Moments late it was flesh once more, making the vision seem like a hallucination rather than reality.

Minami obviously enjoyed Anomie's pain, and took to making it spread out into long periods of time. Anomie didn't particularly care that none of the Oiran liked her, as the customers took a shine to her, despite the small bruises that had begun to decorate her body underneath the robes.

Many of the men enjoyed creating new markings and new bruises on her skin, as a way to no doubt prove that she was theirs and no one else's.

She never saw those clients twice, and often declined their invitations, despite the gifts they would bring to win her favor. This was a strange custom of changes from her time in Kemuri, as there; she had no choice in whom she bedded.

But many nights afterwards she would have dreams where her body lost form and turned into smoke, faded into the night and drifting into the sky. That fate began to look inviting as nights dragged on.

If she merged with the sky, then maybe the emptiness in her heart would disappear.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Anomie-chan!" The voice of Kurenai was enough to break Anomie out of her quite solitude as she came running to catch up to the girl. Asuma was in tow, like usual, and Anomie began to wonder if the two ever separated.

"Kurenai," Anomie greeted as the two walked side by side.

"Did Rin call you out too?" Kurenai asked with a grin and Anomie blinked before slowly nodding. "I wonder what it could be about? She sounded very excited."

Anomie's eyes darted up in a recollecting gesture as she remembered Rin's excited face, jumping on the bed and waking her up with a happy grin. "Yeah, she was, wasn't she?"

"It probably has to do with Kakashi," Asuma said, and he began to light a cigarette, a habit he had begun to get into more frequently as weeks passed. Every time Kurenai said something about it, he would only laugh and shrug her off.

"What makes you say that?" Kurenai asked, and Anomie chuckled.

"It's always about Kakashi," Anomie replied, and Asuma shrugged, obviously agreeing. "Has anything new happened to make this development?"

"Well, Obito became a Chūnin, and Kakashi is a Jounin, so I'm sure its one of those reasons," Asuma said in return, and Kurenai sighed.

"If she plans on making a party, Kakashi won't like it," Kurenai said with a smile.

Anomie had a tighter schedule as of late, so she hadn't heard about their advancement in the ninja ranks. Rin thinks she got a part time job, which, in a way, wasn't a complete lie.

"Obito might," Anomie said, and both laughed. "What?"

"No one throws a party for only becoming a Chūnin." Asuma replied as they neared the steps that led down to the meet up point. They saw Ebisu, Genma, and Gai up ahead and Anomie almost immediately sighed, causing Kurenai to slightly laugh.

"Maybe if you get a boyfriend, they won't hang off you so much," Kurenai suggested.

"Genma will," Asuma chuckled.

"I'm going to break his fingers one day," Anomie said in a monotone as they descended the steps and she saw Rin in the distance.

"An-chan! You came," Rin exclaimed, waving to her. Anomie immediately noticed her excited face, as she held up a piece of paper in crude handwriting. She saw Obito hide a bunch of flowers behind his back as Rin gave him one of the papers as well, but kept her mouth shut and wondered how Rin couldn't see his dejected face.

She looked down at the paper that read 'Project to give Kakashi a present to celebrate his becoming a Jounin (top secret)' and almost immediately began to smile. "Rin, these flyers...well, they're nice and all..." Asuma began as Rin handed everyone the papers, all but shoving it in Obito's hands, not noticing his dejected expression in the face of her excitement.

"They're completely unnecessary. You could have said this faster than you made it," Anomie finished as she looked up from the paper. Rin only grinned.

"Well, I didn't want anyone to overhear and blow the cover," Rin said, and everyone could see that she could immediately tell how stupid that was when she said it out loud, but no one said anything.

"Obito, I heard you became Chūnin," Anomie said while Rin chatted with everyone else. He seemed surprised that someone remembered over the spotlight on Kakashi. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks!" he said with a smile, although his eyes glanced towards Rin and Anomie followed his gaze before meeting his eyes. Her lips held a knowing smiling and she leaned in close to him for a whisper, causing him to lean back with reddening cheeks at her close proximity. She numbly wondered if she was ever that innocently timid.

"Did you get that bouquet to congratulate yourself?" she whispered, holding back her smile. His cheeks flared in red as she heard the flowers shuffle as he gripped them tight behind his back.

"S-Shut up!" he hissed in a stutter and she nodded, her lips still in a sly smile.

"My lips are sealed," she held her index finger to her lips in that motion and his cheeks grew more red.

"So, what do you plan on getting Kakashi, Rin?" Anomie asked, turning to Rin.

"I don't know, I was thinking something meaningful," Rin said with a smile.

"I will get him something that brings out my rival's pure potential of youth!" Gai's eyes flared up and Anomie blinked.

"Like a matching suit?" Anomie asked and Gai's expression froze as if it were the best idea in the world.

Kurenai couldn't seem to pass up this opportunity, and immediately agreed, "Kakashi would love that."

"And on his birthday you could get him legwarmers," Asuma agreed, using his cigarette to hide his smile.

Genma put his arm around Anomie's shoulders, as if they were magnets and he was connected to her at the hip. "I agree," he said, senbon in mouth. "He will love it."

Anomie's eye twitched and her eyes connected with Kurenai's, and their unspoken message of 'break his fingers' passed between them.

Girls gotta stick together, and in doing so, Kurenai held him down while Anomie pretended to break his fingers. She was planning on actually breaking his fingers, but Rin's clear disapproval stopped her from finishing the job.

This didn't do much for a lesson, as minutes later; his arm would be around her shoulders once more.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"I was thinking of making him an amulet...for protection," Rin said as they walked into the fabric store, Anomie's eyes were sunken in boredom as Rin forced them around many different shop in attempts to find the perfect gift.

"Rin," Anomie's voice broke through her once passive silence. "Speaking from Kakashi's point of view, he'll hate things that aren't useful."

"But it stands for protection!" Rin defended, adamant about her choice.

"Whatever. Don't come crying to me if you never see him wearing it."

"You're so mean."

"Just honest. That's a boring gift."

"An-chan! We talked about this. There's a thing called tact," Rin scolded, causing Anomie to roll her eyes.

"Tact is for idiots. And so are amulets. Even if you stitch it by hand."

"An-chan~ You're being rude."

"I'm being honest."

"Honestly rude."

"Whatever," and after fifteen minutes of arguing, Rin finally agreed that Kakashi probably wouldn't like it, and decided on getting him a medical kit.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"You stitched an amulet on the medical kit," Anomie commented as she watched Rin prepare the gift.

"For protection. With this, he'll have to be safe."

"Maybe you should give one to Obito... he did become a Chūnin," Anomie said, and Rin smiled, holding up another one that was on the table.

"I already made one~"

"That was sweet."

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"No reason."

Rin frowned, but sighed in exasperation. "So what are you going to get him?"

"Probably something useful...like porn."

Rin pricked her finger on the needle in surprise as she coughed nervously. "What?"

"Y-You're not actually...that's not really going to be...your gift."

"I was thinking about it. I really like Mikoto-sensei's work. Rin, Kakashi is a growing boy with no parents. How else is he going to learn of the birds and the bees?"

Rin's face ignited red, and Anomie felt a twinge of nervousness prickle in her mind when she became unsure if the change in temperature in Rin's cheeks was out of embarrassment or rage.

"Did you not like my analogy? How about the kunai and the shuriken," Anomie suggested, and at the sight of her friend's increasingly darkening face, she continued. "You're right, the kunai would never fit through such a small hole..."

"Anomie, no." Rin's response was cold.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"You won't contaminate Kakashi with trash."

"Have you seen him? He's already pretty contaminated. The porn will just be one soft nudge in the right direction."

"Anomie."

"Don't use my full name...it makes me feel like I'm being scolded for something."

"You are being scolded."

"Just stitch your amulet."

"I thought you said it was stupid?" Rin grumbled with a pout as she went back to stitching.

"I guess superstitious charms of protection couldn't hurt for your new mission."

"You sound worried."

"More people's names have been carved on the memorial stone lately..." Anomie grumbled, and Rin's expression softened as she reached over to grab Anomie's hand, giving it a light squeeze.

"Don't worry. I have both Kakashi and Obito to watch my back. I'll stay safe!" She grinned and for a moment, Anomie believed her.

"Be a good Iryō-Nin and keep your comrades safe, but in the meantime, be a good friend and stand by and watch as I give Kakashi-kun his porno...or you know, as an ex-Oiran," she ignored Rin's flinch. "I could of course, teach him the birds and the bees with lovely demonstrations."

"..."

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"..."

"Rin...you're freaking me out to be honest...why are you giving me a protection amulet?"

"You're gonna need all the help you can get when I'm through with you."

"Is it just me or did that sound naughty? Oh, Rin, what would Kakashi say-OW!"

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie frowned, glancing down at the many porn magazines before finally finding one of Mikoto's books. She lifted it and quickly took it too the cash register, who was busy with his head in another book and took no notice of her young age as he allowed her to purchase the obvious smut.

She could hear Rin's complaint in the back of her mind, but didn't particularly care.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Kiyomi-sama," Rika greeted, bowing down to Anomie before she promptly began to do her make-up for the night's work.

"Which client is it today?" Anomie asked, and her Shinzou made no hesitation to answer.

"You have been requested by Tojo-sama twice, but Hiroshi also requests you. Tojo is on his second visit, but Hiroshi would be making his third," Rika commented as she applied lip paint, red as blood, to Anomie's lips.

For an Oiran, a second visit meant that she didn't need to sell her body, but a third meant she would have to give him a full service, which she wasn't particularly in the mood for.

"Put it off. I'll accept Tojo request."

"What will I say?"

"Tell him I can't fit him in my schedule."

Usually, when she put off seeing a client, he grew offended and brought more gifts. She was almost surprised at how often it worked. Sometimes it backfired and clients would grow violent, but it was a little price to pay when she gains a shard of her sanity back.

"This will be the fourth time..." Rika warned, and Anomie felt her other Shinzou begin to pin up her hair.

Anomie didn't bother answering, and just accepted the warning.

She didn't want to be touched tonight, it was an unspoken comment, but one both Shinzou obviously understood.

All she wanted was the emptiness in her chest to disappear, but everything she did to make it leave, only made the emptiness swallow her insides.

Nights, she began to wonder if she made a mistake in coming back to this house. She was doing what she always did, and that was run.

She always ran away from every chance of happiness, and maybe a part of her didn't think she deserved to be happy. Kiyomi and Anomie's separate lives were beginning to rip her in two, and she could feel the cracks already begin to overtake her.

But that was okay.

If her body caved in, then maybe the emptiness would disappear.

She did her job, and she smiled, making Tojo feel like the only man in the world. He seemed reluctant to leave, and his hand even went near her inner thigh as he tried to get her to undress not long into her service. She held in her disgust at the way he stared at her, and only continued to innocently smile as she ushered him out.

It was only when she met with Rin and everyone else that she couldn't complete her duty. It was only when she laughed with everyone, did coming back her make her feel filthy.

No matter how many times she washed her body, no matter how hard she scrubbed, she could feel their hands. Everywhere, it felt like her skin was being caressed and touched at every breath.

When she was alone in her room, and night had shined out from the open sliding doors, she felt calmer. The wind brushed against her hair, down over her shoulders. She put on her shoes, and escaped the confines of the Yūkaku house. At first she walked, but before long her strides broke out into a run.

Her kimono opened up slightly when the wind rushed through her hair. The movement of her legs caused the kimono to unravel around them and allow wind to rush on her bare legs as her sandals made their noise against the ground.

The farther she ran from the house, the less she felt it strangle her. By the time she was far enough, she leaned against the wall of a nearby building and slid down until her head sunk into her knees. Her breathing was ragged and her cheeks were flushed, but her heart no longer clenched tightly in her chest.

She didn't know how far she ran, or where she stopped, but didn't get a chance to linger on where she was when she glanced up at the sound of footsteps. They were clumsy, and when she met the disoriented eyes of a man, her own eyes turned blank as she stared on the drunk.

"Hey," he slurred, and neared her small frame. "You're very beautiful? Live around here?"

She didn't answer, doubting he care for her answer. She only stood up as he got intimately close to her frame. "I'm 13."

He was obviously in his late 20s, but his eyes didn't waver. "I don't care." They never do.

It was stupid, she realized, to wander in the dead of night in little but a thin kimono. She knew that instantly, and the man hands held her against the wall. Konoha wasn't safe with the foreigners wondering the streets from the Chunin exams and the war sucking away everyone's humanity.

She didn't want to be touched, but his lips attacked hers in an instant. She could taste the alcohol on his tongue and her strength could not overpower him. If she bit him, she knew from experience that bad things would happen to her.

It's only flesh.

He reached for her breast and squeezed.

It's only flesh.

It was like a chant at this point, but her body shook against her thoughts as she tried to get out of his clumsy grasp.

It's only flesh.

She knew this, but her stomach felt sickened to the point where she couldn't breathe.

And that was when her sight was filled with smoke. The moment he forced her tongue into his mouth, he tore away as smoke covered his face in a haze of grey. His face was centimeters from her, and his eyes widened in pain as the smoke went into his mouth and nose, filling his head until he was fighting for breath.

"Monster," he screamed, and the streets was empty, so no one heard his calls. Anyone who did obviously didn't care much to get involved.

Anomie's eyes were wide as he thrashed for life before he fell to his knees at her feet, collapsing to the ground like broken heaps of wood after a storm. The smoke slowly exited from his lips in a line, merged into her body until it disappeared. Her knees gave in and she crawled to feel for a pulse, finding nothing of the sort.

She brought both of her hands, shaking, to cover her mouth as she stood up quickly and backed away from his body. Her head slammed rough against the wall, gripping at the bricks to aid her wobbly legs into alignment.

She didn't know what happened, but all she could do was run and leave it behind.

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The moment she entered Rin's apartment, she was greeted by darkness. Her body was still shaking, and she didn't turn on any lights as she immediately went to Rin's room and crawled next to the girl. Her eyes clenched shut as she dug her head into the pillows, unsure of what else to do and too afraid to touch her or hug her or do anything but lay there.

Rin turned towards Anomie's frame, her eyes opening with a drowsy expression. "An-chan?" She whispered, and stared over to the girl, who did her best to stop shaking. "A-Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Long night," Anomie barely managed out, and Rin opened the covers so Anomie could get underneath them.

Whether or not Rin could tell the difference between the truth and a lie, Anomie didn't know, but just when she thought Rin was none the wiser, a small hand held onto hers. In that moment, she knew Rin felt her shivering and her skin was as cold and clammy as ice.

Anomie was afraid to touch her, but couldn't deny that her body needed Rin's warmth, so she submitted to the touch and felt her shivering slowly cease.

Anomie had taken lives before, but this felt like her body had turned into smoke. It felt like her form had lost its shape and suffocated the life from that man. She could physically feel his last breath against her lips and it lingered on her skin and crawled over her until she wanted to evaporate into nothing.

Taking a life with an instrument felt different that taking a life with her own body.

She wasn't shivering out of fear.

It felt pleasant...

The scariest part was that a little portion of her empty heart began to reform in her chest. Bit by bit, pieces of herself were coming back into her grasping palms.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

*Shinzou - Newly fledged prostitutes, usually in service of a Geisha/Oiran. They were licensed as prostitutes, dressed like prostitutes, and sat in the latticed parlor like prostitutes, but they didn't actually take customers for a few years. In the 17h century, any courtesan who had recently made her debut. From the 18th century on, a teenaged or early 20's prostitute who served in a courtesan's retinue and tried to find a patron to help her reach a higher rank. Sometimes translated as "apprentice courtesan," though shinzô ranked below heyamochi.

**Shirabyôshi - High-class dancers of the Heian era who performed in male clothing. Technically not courtesans, but often considered the forerunners of tayû and other highly accomplished courtesans.

オレンジモック (Orenjimokku) (Orange Mock) - in the language of flowers means 'deceit'


	7. Anemone

CHAPTER SIX  
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–•–

  
HER QUESTIONS REMAINED UNANSWERED FOR THE REST OF AUTUMN BEFORE a change swept the winds into winter. Anomie didn't particularly feel any guilt over the incident that had occurred, and while she admitted that, she was still scared.

Frequently, much to her horror, she found that parts of her body turned into hazy smoke when she was stressed or sad or disgusted. Although, it never attacked anything but her own conscious.

One of the clients tried to touch her, even though it was his first visit and physical activity wasn't supposed to occur until the third. He didn't see when her arm went up in smoke, but by the time he started coughing, her flesh was corporeal once more. She didn't take on any more clients that day or the days after.

She didn't know whom she could talk to because as far as she could tell, this wasn't normal. At the slight motion of breeze she grew fearful that her body would fade away into nothing. Rin had been busy preparing for a mission to some bridge in a couple days and Anomie hadn't the courage to part her troubles onto someone so close to a dangerous mission.

But she was scared...

And then she met him.

It wasn't a spectacular meeting, and neither was it a very good impression.

Visiting the bathhouse had become routine for her days in Konoha. It was the only place where she felt she could calm down and relax with no fear. She hadn't gone for a long while, as the scars that came upon whips and had marked her back were now healed into small, purple bruises. It was also only days prior that one of her regulars had requested her only to find that she was busy entertaining another. After that, he was forceful in jealous rage the next night he had gotten her alone. It took everything she had to keep him from attacking her face.

But the hot water felt warm upon her skin, soothing the bruises as she glanced around. Many of the girls around her were much older than her. She found herself watching two girls, giggling and splashing water at each other with amusement. They couldn't be more than 18, and had supple skin and rather voluptuous bodies.

Anomie was only 14, and already developed in a relatively nice manner, but she didn't quite look like that.

Her back rested against the bamboo barricade, closing her eyes and sighing as she tried to calm down her stress levels from last night's fright. She had a dream where she was floating in her room, hovering still in the middle of the air. It was frightening when she woke and slammed face first into her tatami bed.

She had taken to sleeping primarily at the Yūkaku house, as she'd rather Rin didn't see her turn into a grey cloud. But more than that, she was afraid.

She was afraid of hurting the one person who took her in and if there was one person she couldn't stand causing pain would always be Rin.

The sound of giggling broke her out of her thoughts as she heard a deep, male, voice heaving a rather perverted laugh from behind her. She glanced behind her, examining the bamboo wall, only to find a small peephole in the middle. It blended quite well, and if she hadn't been looking for it, Anomie was certain she would have missed it.

Anomie's eyes darted from the hole, to the half naked girls giggling, none the wiser, before she stood up and walked out of the steam filled room and to the front desk. The kind, older lady smiled her way, the crinkles of her eyes caving as her lips upturned.

Anomie slipped on a robe and gata sandals from her locker before she walked to the woman, tucking a small, white strand behind her ear. She always made sure to cover the tattoo on the back of her neck with her hair, as she had not desire for that type of recognition.

"How may I help you?" asked the woman, and Anomie tilted her head.

"I was curious...do you get a lot of lecherous people here?" she asked, and the woman's smile vanished into one of a musing expression. It looked to Anomie that the woman was mulling over a memory.

"Why? Is someone peeking?" The woman looked about ready to snap, as her face sagged into a rather scary scowl. Anomie wasn't sure she'd wish this woman's wrath on anyone.

"I was just wondering," Anomie said, brushing off the concern as she gave a polite bow before walking out into the outside area where many came to cool off and enjoy the Japanese stone garden and small hot springs.

Anomie wasted no time to follow the stone pathway that wrapped around the building. When she finally came to a stop, she saw a man with white hair. He was a tall man, with waist-length, spikey hair tied back in a ponytail with two, shoulder length bangs that shaped each side of his face. Anomie took particular notice to his red haori and the large scroll on his back.

Anomie took a deep inhale of breath, closing her eyes for a moment and speaking the moment she opened them, "Oh my God! There's a pervert peeping in the bathhouse!" she shouted, watching as his body froze as a swarm of 'oh my god' filled the inside of the building where many of the girls no doubt scrambled out.

"What did you do that for?" The man turned towards her, and took in her age and appearance before, most likely, shrugging her off. "Scram kid."

"I'm sure the headmistress would like a word with you," came Anomie's calm retort, enjoying the look of pure horror on his face. "She really likes perverts, or so I hear."

"I am not a pervert," his eyes rose with fiery passion as he held up his fist and placed his left foot on a rock for more declaration and emphasis. "I am Jiraiya, the legendary Sannin and Toad Sage."

"Hm..." Anomie's obvious show of doubt made Jiraiya frown.

"And I am not peeping! I am researching for my book," he continued and she perked up a little at his statement.

"How is looking at girls research—you know what, I don't want to know." Anomie attempted to turn around, but his voice immediately made her pause.

"Hey girl," his voice was oddly serious for someone who was just caught peeping, but Anomie had to admit, that wasn't the worst thing he could have been doing. She half-turned her body towards him, her face curious as his eyes stared her down.

"Hm?"

"Your Chakra...do you realize what it's doing?" he asked, as if he was unsure of how to approach the topic as he stared her down.

"How would I know?" She didn't mean for the statement to sound off-putting, so she turned her body all the way to face him. He may be a pervert, but she had manners.

"It's fluctuating at an alarming rate like a rising beacon," he explained, and when he saw her confused frown, he continued. "A-Are you a civilian?"

"Possibly." Since a week ago Anomie had grown unsure.

"I could sense it from the moment you entered the bath an hour ago," he sheepishly grinned at her sudden frown. "Anyway, it's dangerous and unstable if you leave it unchecked. At the rate its going, you might find your Chakra coils...irreparable."

Unsure how to respond, Anomie only stood still and stared. It wasn't like she could say, 'oh thanks. I'll get right on that.' She didn't even know what a Chakra coil even was, as she had learned many things in her time, but coils weren't one of them and the thought only succeeded in being confusing.

"Could you..." She didn't know how to really ask, as she didn't like getting help from anyone. She finally shook her head and turned to walk away. The sense of panic swarmed her insides like a wisk scrambling an egg. Her gata sandals clicked against the stone and by the time she turned the corner, her chest was heaving and her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

She groaned as she felt her body begin to fade from its corporeal form and flicker from skin to smoke. The robes where her arms had been fell loose to her side, and she barely heard the sound of Jiraiya frantically turning the corner to meet her panicked gaze.

"Help me," she whispered, just as her body turned into smoke and her clothes fell to the ground.

It couldn't of been an instant's hesitation where Jiraiya held up five fingers, glowing with a blue hue, and shoved his hand into the slowly departing cloud of smoke. It took a moment, but Anomie's body began to form, quite naked, before it fell from mid air and into Jiraiya's arms.

Her skin was milky pale, he immediately noticed, and he could feel her heart beating erratically. He swiftly covered her shivering form in her discarded robes before his eyes met her frantic gaze. She seemed to be in pain and her Chakra was practically gushing from her skin.

"It...hurts," she murmured and attempted to cover her face with her arm. He immediately noticed a burned off portion of her skin, white and red, just under the heel of her palm. He slightly recognized a part of the black seal and his fingers wove around her wrist to get a better look.

His eyes went from the burn mark to her face before he did a quick Jutsu and disappeared in a tiny upheaval of leaves.

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Anomie woke up to dim lights and a bordered off room that felt like suctioned air. She could barely breathe from the moment she opened her eyes. She was lying in a small, hospital bed, and her clothes were standard, but the room was unlike the last one she had been in so many months ago.

It felt stifling, and it was empty. Just four walls, no sink and no windows...nothing but white, smooth walls and a bed. The door was a heavy looking wood, with no crevice or opening at the bottom. Her chest began to rise and fall in panic, but she took a calming breath, attempting to slow it down.

She didn't get far, until the heavy door opened and Jiraiya walked it. He had a smile, but he didn't look particularly happy.

"What...happened?" she asked, quickly getting to the point.

"I think it's my fault," he said, rather sheepish as he carefully closed the door behind him. "I shouldn't have startled you with the whole, your Chakra will kill you, kind of thing. Your body wouldn't keep form and we had to move you to a place where the smoke wouldn't drift away."

"What...am I?" Anomie's voice quivered and he signed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, you're definitely human," he said, silencing her doubts. "It could be a bloodline ability. Does your mother have this power too?"

"My mother's dead," Anomie said without hesitation.

"I see," his eyes closed as he leaned against the wall with crossed arms. "On your wrist, there's a seal. It's been burned off but I know Fūinjutsu when I see it."

She glanced at that portion of her skin, curious at the mention of it. "It's been there for as long as I can remember...until recently." She left out the details as she'd would rather he didn't know.

"Do you remember what it looked like originally?" He asked and Anomie slowly nodded her head. He wasted no time to bring out a tiny slip of rectangular paper and a pen. "Draw it."

She nodded, weakly taking it into her hands and drawing circular spirals, wrapping around a kanji she didn't actually know the meaning off. It was intricate, but she finished from memory easily and handed it back to him. His eyes scanned it, brows furrowing before glancing back to her. She was fairly certain she liked it better when he wasn't serious.

"It's a sealing Jutsu...made to take away or dormant Chakra...at least that's the basis of it. It seems like it's a new kind, mixing the elements of Chakra intricately through weaves around your coils...in theory...it's pure genius," Jiraiya explained and she leaned back against her propped up pillows with a blank expression. "Do you know who made it?"

Anomie always had it, and never really knew anyone but her mother, so she made no hesitation in her deduction. "Probably my mother. I always thought it was an ugly marking."

"I think that it was placed to keep your Chakra unusable. The smoke thing...how long has that been happening."

"Since I destroyed the marking."

"I think your Chakra has been gathering so many years that it went out of control recently after losing what kept it in check."

"What do I do?"

"Learn to control it," he said and Anomie didn't like how he made it sound so easy. "You have remarkable Chakra storages, if you can control your input and output, you can become an incredible Shinobi."

Anomie covered her frown at the very thought, but said nothing about it. "Can the seal go back on?"

"Your Chakra has reached its limit. Chakra blockers aren't safe and I'm sure if your mother were still alive, she would have already removed it."

"...Then...can you help me?'

Jiraiya wasn't one for taking up students, and he never did it lightly, but the longer he looked into her eyes, the more potential he saw in them. She was rather old to understand the concepts that are supposed to be taught much earlier, but he couldn't deny that she had certain strength about her. He could see it from her gaze to the feel of her Chakra.

He had never taken on such an untrained student before, but he couldn't say no. Mostly it was because he didn't trust the task to anyone else and maybe it was because her abilities interested him. Maybe it could also be that she was so cute, but he kept that part to himself.

"I can," he finally agreed, and he hoped that he wouldn't come to regret his decision. Taking up a student in the midst of a war wasn't the smartest thing he could do, but she didn't exactly leave him with many options in a literal life or death situation. "What's your name?" He realized he didn't know.

"Kougin Anomie."

And it looks like she officially lost control of the direction of her life again. She didn't want to be a Shinobi, but she supposed learning how to defend herself couldn't be too bad.

Leaving the Yūkaku house however, the idea scared her. Her old life in Kemuri had stopped suiting her and her rash decision to restart it was a mistake.

She had been afraid to change and had willingly sold her body at every turn until it no longer felt like her own anymore.

The idea of reclaiming it didn't sound so daunting this time.

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"You're...giving me porn," Kakashi stated as Anomie handed him the purple book, wrapped with a sweet black bow that really contrasted the not so sweet gift.

"Well," Anomie began, choosing her words carefully. "I figured that since you are so busy with missions, you obviously don't have time to do boy stuff." She could practically feel his annoyance rise and she worked to keep the smile off her face. "So now you can read about other boys doing...boy stuff."

He was vaguely impressed that she had the nerve to wink at him. And it was not in a good way.

"Do you not like it?" She asked, her voice innocent of the mockery he could see erupting in her eyes.

"I don't...even..." He had never been so lost for words.

"Try reading it. Who knows, maybe you'll like it." She stated, and he now heard the amusement in her voice, causing his eyes to visibly narrow. "You're a Jounin now, Kakashi, you need to let off some steam and have fun."

"Is this your idea of fun?" He held the book numbly in his hands.

She covered her smile by motioning a thinking face with her hand. "It could be...it could also be yours. I'd suggest reading it when you're alone. I picked it out for you. The main character had a bit of your personality."

He glanced down at the book, his eyes briefly reading the summary and she saw his left eye twitch before their gazes connected once more.

"The main character is a..." He trailed off and saw that she was desperately trying to hold her laughter.

The main character was a closet pervert and an otaku who had a thing for much older girls.

"I liked you better when you didn't talk to me," he finally said, and she shook her head.

"Just accept the gift, Kakashi," and she giggled when he tried to give it back. "No take backs! Enjoy page 62!" And like that, she left him there with the porn book loose in his hand.

When he was sure she could see, he untied the ribbon and turned to page 62.

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"So you're leaving today?" Anomie asked, following Rin as she exited the house in her full ninja gear. "What rank is the mission?"

"If I tell you, you'll only worry," Rin said, watching with slight amusement as Anomie's face remained blank, but her eyes remained concerned. "You try to act all tough, but you worry all the time."

Anomie glanced to the side as she and Rin walked side by side in the near empty streets of Konoha. Not many people woke so early and the ones who did, mostly left to missions. There were small food stalls opened to Shinobi who wanted to get an early breakfast, and more opened every week as the war dragged on.

"Don't be worried," Rin said with a smile, leaning forward while walking so as to get a clear look at Anomie's down casted face. "We have Kakashi as a Jounin leader. No one is stronger."

Anomie's eyes snapped to Rin, and her expression grew fierce. "There is always someone stronger, so always remain aware."

Rin whistled, happily accepting the advice as she straightened her back. Her eyes, however, remained serious. "I won't become a burden to my team. I promise. I'll become stronger and protect them all. Obito is a Chūnin now, so I can't be left behind."

Anomie nodded her head as they walked in silence up until they reached the village gates where Kakashi waited, bored and leaning against a small, abandoned building. She saw his eyes narrow on her, probably still annoyed about the present and the thought managed to cheer her up quite a bit.

"Good morning Kakashi-kun," Rin stated, her eyes shining with a soft hue of emotion as she stared at him. Anomie was starting to wonder how he couldn't tell that the girl was obsessed with him before deciding that no one could be a genius in everything.

Kakashi gave a small nod of acknowledgement but it was enough to make Rin's entire aura perk up in happiness. Anomie had to admit that the girl's admiration was pure and sweet, even if Kakashi didn't fully deserve it. She still hadn't told Rin that she had ended up giving him porn, as she was sort of afraid of Rin's ninja skills, going in full force to kick her ass.

It wasn't like he could date a fictional character anyway. If anything, Anomie did Rin a favor. If he pinned over a girl in an erotic novel, then the chances of him finding a real woman would drop. Although now that she thought about it that would lower Rin's chances as well.

Anomie shrugged, deciding to keep that secret sealed for a little while longer.

Rin managed to speak the entire wait, with little breaks, until Minato and finally Obito, arrived.

"You're late." Kakashi immediately scolded.

"I had to help a grandmother carry bags," Obito whined, fixing his goggles. When Anomie thought about the excuse and the fact that Obito was very kind, she dropped her doubts of it being a lie.

A small argument erupted, and like usual, Minato didn't do much to stop it. According to observation, Anomie suspected that he enjoyed the banter and Rin didn't mind that much either as long as it didn't affect their mission or their teamwork.

"Well, good luck on your mission. Come back safely," like usual, Anomie bowed as they departed. They all, sans Kakashi, smiled and said a couple parting words before leaving. The moment their backs were turned and their forms departed out of the village, she found herself wishing that they all wouldn't go, that they'd give this mission to someone else.

But that wasn't the life of a Shinobi, so she settled with pressing her palms together and wishing them safety and she didn't move until she couldn't see their forms any longer.

The moment she turned to go back to the village, she found herself running face first into a red haori and a muscular chest. She leaned back and rubbed her nose as she stared into the face of Jiraiya, who had a small smile on his face as he looked down at her short form.

"You actually showed up," she murmured, her voice astonished while he looked offended.

"I said I would," he retorted.

"I expected you to ditch for research," she admitted and his face flickered to lecherous thoughts for a moment before clearing his throat and crossing his arms.

"I am a man of my word," he said with a wide grin.

"You're a man of many things," she replied, her lips forming a small smile. "But I don't think that your word is really one of them, Jiraiya-san."

"Call me sensei," he ordered as they began to walk down the road.

"Not on your life."

"You're not a cute kid."

"And you are not a very mature adult," she retorted.

"I am very mature."

"I doubt it."

"Name one time I wasn't mature."

She stopped in her tracks, looking at him like he was crazy, "we literally met with you spying on naked girls." She left out the fact that she was one of those naked girls because, for her sanity's sake, she chose to believe that he didn't look at the underage ones.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?" he said with a frown, reading her thoughts.

"When you stop peeping, then I'll let it go."

"..."

"..."

She was starting to believe they weren't going to get along.

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"You're kidding," Anomie muttered, as she stayed in her position of mediation as she attempted to block out the noise while Jiraiya continued to make perverse laughter while he stared at giggling, half naked girls through the cover of the bushes. "I don't have a lot of experience with teachers...but you officially are the worst."

"Eh hehehehe," came Jiraiya's laughter, as he easily ignored the white haired girl's voice.

"What if I turn into smoke and blow away in the wind," she muttered again, feeling her body begin to loose its form. She winced as she got it back in shape.

When she glanced back at Jiraiya, she saw him looking at her, almost thoughtfully before he closed his eyes. "Your Chakra control is getting better, but you still have a horrible attitude."

"Beats yours," she muttered, making sure he couldn't hear her.

"You lose control based off of your control of yourself. If you have no fear, then the wind won't blow you away," he explained, and she glanced towards him.

"How can a human separate themselves from fear?" She didn't sound convinced, and Jiraiya let out a deep sigh.

"That's what the meditation is for. I've never heard of your Kekkei Genkai, so I am not certain if you will ever truly be able to master it, but I can feel your Chakra when you lose control. It fluctuates based off of emotion, but if you keep perfectly calm, your Chakra will bend it to your will." Jiraiya drew out a small diagram in the ground, showing where the Chakra reacts in a mini drawing of her that wasn't very good.

"Why did you draw a blush on my cheeks?" she asked by the time he was done explaining, referring to the squiggly line on the dirt drawing of her cheeks.

"I had to make you cute to make up for your bad personality," he stated with a snicker, and she raised a brow but didn't say much against it.

"How do you know all this stuff about Chakra?"

"Why? Do you want to be a Kunoichi, An-chan?" he asked, and she visibly sneered at the nickname that seemed to be a universal way of referring to her. She wasn't sure how or why so many random people shortened her name.

"I...guess that learning defense isn't so bad," she finally muttered, a little pissed at having to admit her growing interest in the Shinobi arts. She was even more pissed to admit that Jiraiya wasn't the worst trainer she could have.

The Oiran house was starting to treat her like a slave, and she didn't like it as much as she thought she would. She thought that going back would make her feel like she fit in this village, but it only made her feel more distant. Sometimes she dreamed of slaughtering everyone in the red light district and basking her hands through liters of blood at her feet.

And sometimes she had dreams...dreams filled with fire and ash and she as among the destruction. She dreamed of death and the feeling of taking a life. The man who had attacked her would not leave her mind when she closed her eyes.

"-omie! Anomie," came Jiraiya's voice and her eyes snapped opened to see her entire lower half was smoke. The wind was blowing and it didn't move. When she came back to her senses, her body returned to normal and Jiraiya let out a visible, shaky breath. "It looks like you managed to control yourself better. What were you thinking about?"

Death.

She couldn't say that. A part of her was worried that if he found out about her accident...the murder...he wouldn't look at her the same. She wanted to be innocent in his eyes. In everyone's eyes. She didn't want to kill...

But she did...

It was like removing the seal and obtaining this power unlocked a side of her she didn't know existed. It was one thing to kill to live, like she had done in Kemuri, but to kill because she wanted to...

It was scary.

"Anomie, calm down," Jiraiya ordered, watching as the girl began to lose shape and the smoke began to slowly blow, stagger even, in the wind. "You have to keep focus."

"I..." She whispered, her voice coming out weak as she felt pain run through her Chakra coils as they attempted to keep up her shape.

"Think of something to calm you down. Something happy," he ordered, and she slowly realized that those types of thoughts didn't come naturally.

She couldn't think of anything but the fear of being rejected. Nothing escaped its grip on her and she began to lose control.

She watched his hands rush through signs through a blurry vision, before it all faded to black.

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She woke up in that room again. That closed off and white room that held no light apart from the small, flickering candle on the ground of each corner. Her eyesight was blurry, and it hurt when she forced her lids to open. This time, however, she wasn't alone and she found a kind looking old man at her bedside. It took her a moment to recognize him, and the more she stared at his frame, the more the recognition settled in her mind.

As if he could feel her stare, his eyes glanced towards her. His face looked tired, and almost haggard when she examined the bags under his eyes. She could only guess that the weight of a war on his shoulders took its toll.

"You're awake," he whispered and she winced as she tried to sit up. Her body felt...wrong in a way that scared her. It was as if she had fallen into pieces and put back together...wrong and there were pieces missing.

"How long?" her voice was hoarse, and not nearly as soft as it once was.

"A couple days," the Third Hokage replied and she slowly nodded her head. "Jiraiya has told me of your...abilities. I can't say I have ever heard of your clan, so I can't tell you for certain if you are the only one."

"Will it kill me?" Anomie's voice was free of emotion, and she didn't sound particularly afraid of the prospect of imitate death. The Third only sighed, his shoulders sagging.

"I have had many sensors and healers look at you in the last couple days," his eyes darted to meet hers, and there was a tiny amount of sadness in his stare. "You won't die. It seems like the amount of Chakra in your system is built up and overflowing. It grows everyday and protects you."

"I don't understand."

"Your Chakra that has been stored in the long amount of time you have had the seal is what is keeping you alive. Jiraiya has explained much of your time together," he explained and Anomie merely blinked, trying to follow along with what he was saying.

"You just need better control over your Chakra and better control over your emotions," he said, and his gaze looked all the more tired. "We had a Yamanaka take a look into your memories, so as to discover a way to figure out the source of the emotion that has been dominating you and maybe find the source of the seal itself." His gaze was kind, free of judgment as he stared at her. For a moment her expression turned ashamed, but his hand ruffled her hair, making her glance up surprised. "You have had a difficult time, and I had hoped that coming here would free you of your past. Instead of trying to be happy, you have purposefully placed more strain on your mind."

"Am I sick...?" She began to laugh, hand covering her face as she forced out more laughter. The shame almost made her want to cry, but she found herself unable to shed a tear past the embarrassment. She never thought she'd be so ashamed of her actions, of purposefully selling her body. "I killed someone."

"In self-defense," the third Hokage replied, and for a moment she wanted to snap at his justification of her actions, but when she looked into his eyes she stayed silent. "I want you to be trained specifically in Anbu."

"And become a ninja?" Her expression turned surprised. "I don't understand."

"You have potential to be strong, but as a civilian you will only cause harm, not only to others, but to yourself as well."

"I killed someone...I've killed before."

"It is war and in war, lives are lost. You may not be fighting in the sense of battle, but everyone must eventually feel a result of war." He stood up, and she met his gaze. "I believe that you becoming a Shinobi will save your life and others. Instead of filling yourself up with self-hatred, become someone who is capable of change."

Her lips opened and closed, unable to decline or disagree. He wasn't wrong. Nothing of what he said was wrong, but still she found herself protesting. "Aren't I past the age of learning how to fight."

"Not necessarily. Jiraiya has told me your stamina and Chakra in general is far above your age. You have very little amount of strength to fight well in hand to hand combat, but your Kekkei Genkai is destructive," the Third Hokage motioned for her hand, and she reluctantly placed her hand into his. She felt his Chakra enter her fingers and tingle through her skin. "Your body naturally absorbs Chakra and turns it into your own. It's a dangerous ability, Anomie," he dropped her hand and his eyes turned serious. "It's one of the many things you need to train and control before you hurt someone you don't mean to hurt."

"Am...I cursed?" She covered her face with both hands, and heard him sigh.

"Your abilities are strong and destructive, I won't lie. With control and the proper guidance, you can be anything you want," she glanced up towards him, finding no lie in his voice.

"I want to...be stronger," she finally admitted and his lips formed into a kind smile.

"It won't be easy."

"Nothing ever is."

"You will have to train far more than anyone else..."

"I'm not afraid of that."

He looked like he wanted to say more, and she saw a conflicted emotion cloud through his eyes. She waited patiently, and the look that strayed through his gaze slowly disappeared.

"Rin's team got back from their mission," he said slowly, and Anomie's eyes slightly narrowed, before her expression disappeared.

"Is Rin...alive?" she asked, her voice coming out oddly calm.

"Obito was unfortunately the one to lose his life on this last mission."

For a moment, Sarutobi was afraid that this information would make the girl change her mind about becoming a ninja. He couldn't lie to her and had to make her understand what she could be giving up: safety.

But she didn't, and her calm expression didn't waver.

The Third Hokage was slightly surprised at just how empty her gaze remained, and it made him slightly relax. He had been right. Just looking at this girl, he saw swarming bits of potential, flooding out of her at every moment. She had what it took to become a Shinobi, even if the Third wasn't quite sure he wanted her to subjugate to such a life at a young age. She was still a child and had no idea of the nature that being a Shinobi took. She was, however, somewhat knowledgeable of the sacrifices of war. Her abilities were dangerous and there wasn't anything else he could do.

And there was nothing to say.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This chapter is named after the flower Anemone (which was a name I briefly considered for Anomie). アネモネ, means fragile. Anemone on a darker note indicates fading hope and a feeling of having been forsaken. On a positive note it symbolizes anticipation.

She's still developing and her abilities are going to be be utilized in later chapters. I hope I don't disappoint anyone. Kakashi and Anomie's relationship will also undergo a change in the next few chapters, especially while she gets stronger. Sadly, she is still a flawed character who wouldn't know the meaning of romance even if she was knocked along side the head with it.

I hope I don't end up chasing away my few readers. Enjoy~ ^-^

Enjoy~ ^-^


	8. Purotea

CHAPTER SEVEN  
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AS EMPTY AS THE NIGHTS BECAME, AND AS LONELY AND SCARED AS SHE pretended not to be, she dared not utter a word of complaint. Still, Anomie didn't go near the red light district after that. She didn't know if she could come back from that place again, and she was afraid of what would happen to her if she did. In Kemuri, Oiran were known to be dragged back and beaten for escape attempts. Kino no Hashi was one such girl who escaped one to many times and when the higher ups finally found her, she was pregnant with a child and died during the abortion.

She doubted after the Hokage's 'generous' donation to the Yūkaku house of Konoha, however, that they would go looking for her. All she could think about was obtaining some semblance of control. She wasn't allowed to visit Rin or anyone as her abilities got unstable as days past. The Hokage said it was for the best in the mean time, and while she understood, she didn't enjoy it. All she could do now was pretend that this distance from Rin didn't make her weak.

"Monkey," she greeted, and the Anbu sighed at the slightly offensive tone in the young girl's comment. 'Monkey' began to regret his mask, as being called Bird or Fox would have been less demeaning than all the rather witty jokes the white haired girl was able to come up with.

"Don't call me that," the Anbu ordered, watching as the girl shrugged.

"What's your real name then?" she asked, and saw the Anbu member visibly stiffen.

"..." He didn't answer, slightly surprised that after a month, the girl never cared enough to ask his name. He was starting to believe he could get through the training without ever telling her.

"Is it against the rules?" she asked, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"...Saru."

For the first time in all their meetings, Saru saw the girl laugh. It was childish and feminine, coming out in a mocking tone that caused her shoulders to visibly shake.

It wasn't every day that you met an Anbu member whose name matched the mask. Obviously, Saru wasn't pleased as his fist collided with her stomach, shoving her back before she had time to defend.

"Your stance is weak. Spread your feet apart and get lower to the ground," Saru stated as he made a bored, almost lazy, stance and waited for her to regain her breath.

"Yes, Saru-sama," she hid it well, but he could still see the mockery in her eyes. He attempted to control his annoyance, as he felt her Chakra surge. In a mere moment she raced towards him, her leg rising to kick his face. He grabbed her by the calf and spun her around, causing her body to slam into the wall, where the Third Hokage could no doubt hear. Said leader had allowed them to train in his own training ground, just in case he needed to...intervene.

Anomie's fighting abilities were weak, but her Kekkei Genkai was destructive and could effectively kill without warning if she accidentally lost control of it.

But Saru wasn't particularly afraid of the girl whose punches felt weaker than even the average Genin.

"Do you want to take a break?" Saru asked, watching as the girl had trouble standing up after the toss. She dealt with pain surprisingly well, but she obviously wasn't used to it on such a level.

She wiped the bit of blood that had begun to drip from her cracked lips before her Chakra surged in her body, so strong that Saru could almost taste it. Her speed increased for a mere moment, making his eyes slightly widen as he avoided her swift punch, making it hit the wall behind him and crack under the pressure of her fist.

She slowly removed her hand, with small difficulty and cradled it into her chest as she stared at the indent it had caused with a small murmur of, "ow."

"You surprised me," Saru commented and she glanced towards the Monkey, dropping her bloody fist to her side.

"I don't need a break," she stated simply, and he noticed her fists were slightly clenched at her side.

"Is there a reason you are trying to rush your training?" he slowly asked and saw her bite her lip, hard enough to draw blood.

"My friend's teammate died...I am not allowed to see her until..." She trailed off, obviously too proud to say anything more. Saru frowned from beneath his mask, but nodded nonetheless.

"Alright. If you think you can handle the strain on your body...I'll push you," he agreed and she glanced his way, her eyes hardening until he couldn't see the previous emotion she had released just moments ago. It was as if her expression evaporated and all that was left was pure...nothing.

"Push ahead, monkey," she commented, and he frowned. There it is. "If I manage to hit you, can I get a reward?"

"Whatever," he sighed, and dodged her attack effortlessly. He immediately noticed that despite his instructions, she had a very elegant way of fighting. Although, it relied too much of grace, making her strength wean.

It almost looked like dancing.

He supposed it wasn't wrong; she just needed to improve her strength to get it perfect. It helped that she never needed to be told something twice, and had to respect that way her body memorized everything perfectly.

The potential was there; she just needed a strong impact on her attacks.

He supposed that was why he was chosen.

His knee slammed into her stomach, slamming her back into the ceiling. She lingered for a moment, and he noticed her Chakra had physically stuck her there before it let her go and she fell back down. She back flipped and landed on her feet the moment she fell before wrapping her arms around her stomach in pain. It was rather comical in a sad sort of way, and Saru was slightly amused at her pained expression.

"What do I win?" he asked, earning a scowl to head his way.

"I'll get you bananas next time I see you," she muttered, forcing her arms to her side as she stood up straight.

He couldn't even say anything to that because, damn it, he liked bananas.

"Again?" he asked, and watched carefully as her stomach began to turn into smoke. She was wearing a tube top with mesh underneath, so it looked rather strange to see her body a quarter transparent just underneath the mesh.

She looked to be in less pain, and as her form regained its shape, the dark bruise that would have formed, vanished.

His eyes widened as she rushed at him, her body spinning to kick his chest. His form flickered behind her and shoved her forward, expecting her to fall on her face. Instead, she regained her footing and flipped forward, kicking his chest just before she landed on her feet.

"My prize?" she asked, practically feeling his shift in mood go from monotone to annoyed.

He sighed, slowly nodding. "What do you want?"

She pursed her lips, as if she was thinking, which he highly doubted as she tended pick her prize far before even making a deal. Saru was slightly annoyed that her reflexes got the better of him, but a promise was a promise.

"I want to see Rin," she said slowly, and his shoulders visibly tensed.

"Dangerous."

"I've gotten better. And you'll be there if anything happens," she retorted, and he sighed.

"I have to go too..." he muttered, not seeing the amusement in watching over two girls catch up.

"I can barely go to the bathroom by myself," she said with a small shrug, not putting much emotion behind her words.

"You are not ready," he said simply, watching as her once softening expression harden.

"I suppose you know best," she said smoothly.

He didn't comment, even if her slightly defeated gaze made him guilty. He refused to let some child guilt him into anything. He was stronger than that. He'd been in Anbu for six years. He was Hyūga fucking Saru.

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"Rin," Anomie greeted while Saru sighed, defeated, on the rooftops.

The streets weren't very crowded, especially after the latest attack so close to Konoha, causing almost everyone to inside their homes. This calmed Anomie down a great bit, as she caught up to Rin, who was currently walking back to her house. She almost immediately noticed the bags under Rin's eyes and the tiny lack of life that she had the last time they talked.

"An-chan," Rin's lips raised in a smile, the life slowly springing back to a shadow of what Anomie had seen before. Rin's arm motioned for a hug, but those outstretched arms slowly dropped when Anomie stood still. Rin's smile slightly disappeared, but a tug of it still remained in an almost sheepish mood. "I heard what happened."

"So did I," Anomie said, a part of her wanting to go for that hug. But she knew she was unstable and she didn't want to hurt Rin, so that thought kept her arms clenched to her side.

"I was going to visit the memorial statue, do you want to come?" Rin asked, her voice coming out awkward.

"Are you sure?" Anomie tried to look calm, but a part of her wondered if Rin would have been upset with her. Rin's expression slightly brightened, and made no hesitation to grab Anomie's hand. For a moment, the Anomie's feared that her body would lose shape and attack, but nothing happened as Rin gently tugged her to follow.

"I missed you," Rin admitted, after a moment of silence as the two girls walked hand in hand down the dirt path. Anomie wasn't certain what to say in return and she mostly worked to calm her Chakra from doing something stupid.

But that stupid something never happened, and they made it safely to the memorial stone where names scattered, neatly carved.

Anomie didn't really know Obito well, but her eyes found his name almost immediately while Rin gently set down a bit of flowers that Anomie hadn't noticed she had. They were the same color as the flower she had given Rin, so long ago, and Anomie found herself smiling at the memory, wondering if it was still there, striving and feeding off Rin's Chakra.

"Was it painful?" Anomie asked, and Rin's shoulders froze. She had only heard that the boy had died, but no one told her how or why. She figured, albeit a bit late, that asking Rin this was pushing it, but tact had never been Anomie's strong point.

"He..." Rin's shoulders shook, but before the girl could cry those tears stilled by pure power of will. "He was a hero. The Hokage in the end....he was smiling..."

Anomie couldn't say anything to that, and a part of her wanted to cry as she remembered the boy's smile, grinning with his goggles on his forehead. No tears came, and her palm hovered over Rin's back, but the moment she noticed her hand start to lose its shape, she dropped it to her side.

She felt the Chakra of Saru, slightly surge, signifying for her to hurry up.

"I have to go," Anomie stated and Rin's eyes connected her hers.

"Will you be away long?" Rin asked, her lips quirking into a small smile. Anomie had no definite answer, as her shoulders tensed. "Will you be okay?"

"I think I will."

"I'm not surprised. You are pretty strong. When you turn into a strong ninja, let's spend a day together, like old times."

"In the mean time...don't be reckless," Anomie ordered, and Rin smiled.

"I have Kakashi still. We make a good team."

That didn't stop Obito's death. Anomie wanted to say it, but figured the timing was wrong so she merely settled for nodding.

"An-chan," Rin's voice was soft, and her smile was bright. "You look happier. I suppose before...you always looked troubled, but now you look...I don't know...free."

Anomie found her gaze softening before she slowly nodded. "I suppose I am." She couldn't say much more, as it felt like a small insult to Obito's memory so she settled for a smile. It came out awkward, as Anomie wasn't used to it. Rin's arms wrapped around the girl, so suddenly that Anomie almost feared that something bad was going to happen, but nothing changed and her body remained in tact. She felt the warmth of Rin's body, push up against hers and for a moment Anomie was lost in a trance of Rin's irreplaceable scent. She was lost in the fibers of Rin's brown hair, up against Anomie's cheeks. Moments seemed to pass too quickly these days, and Anomie wanted to enjoy every last second of Rin's fleeting embrace.

"I'll see you soon, and then things will go back how it used to be," Rin promised, and Anomie slowly nodded into the crevice of Rin's neck before she slowly began to pull away. She caught Rin's eye, and found herself lingering on every last speck of those chestnut irises.

Anomie briefly wondered what this girl would do if she could only just lean in and take that step. That thought was poison, and Anomie could never do something so cruel right in front of Obito's memorial.

"Please stay safe," she said instead, fighting back those thoughts as Rin's lips spread into a small smile.

"Please live happy, An-chan," Rin said in return, earning Anomie's smile.

By the time Anomie started heading back, Rin was still by the stone, talking animatedly like Obito could hear. Who knows, maybe somewhere, somehow, he could and Anomie was certain that the love struck boy was focusing on every sound. It was a little sad that Rin never got to hear his confession, but she supposed, in a way it was for the best.

Just as she reached the edge of the clearing, she her eyes connected with white fluffy hair and a familiar blue mask. Kakashi's gaze was a bit more stoic than usual, and it was strange to see one eye covered by his headband. His eye widened slightly at her presence, and she nearly found herself asking if his other eye was okay. She stopped herself and kept walking until she was in front of him.

"Rin's up ahead," she stated simply, and she decided to ignore the eye and not ask about it.

He nodded, and the silence got quite awkward, but surely not as awkward as it could have been if she had ignored him entirely. A part of her began to wish she had as the annoyance spiked from within her. She was usually pretty charming and could make conversation out of anything, but being face with Kakashi's abnormally stoic expression, she was at a complete loss. On one hand, she could act like they weren't at a gravesite and make a crack at his hair or something stupid. Either that, or she could ask how he was doing with the death of his comrade.

She didn't like either option so she settled with plan C, waiting for him to speak.

She was relieved when he did, but it wasn't really a conversation that she was ready to explain.

"Your Chakra is..." he murmured, he didn't look particularly surprised; in fact, he didn't look much of anything really.

What could she say? Yeah, turns out I have a Kekkei Genkai that can actually kill people if I throw a hissy fit. How's your eye?

"I'm going to be a Shinobi," was all she said, and found that all her comments that were about to come to voice were incredibly offensive. She settled with a gentle, sort of forced smile. "I hope to get as good as rumors say you are."

She felt relieved when she saw his gaze get a glint of that familiar arrogance. "I heard as much. Don't get your hopes up."

She scoffed, practically feeling Saru's impatience. Poor little monkey. "Have you read the book I gave you?" she asked with a sly smile as she leaned back and forth from her heels to toes in an almost childish manner. It was probably too childish an action for when one is talking about porn.

Kakashi's face was unamused, "I threw it out."

She let out a show of mock hurt, "Come on, Kaka-kun, you didn't even give it a chance? I picked it out with you in mind."

He raised a single eyebrow, or both, she couldn't actually tell. The silence was slightly peaceful this time, and he was rather thankful she didn't bring up Obito. He didn't actually want to talk about it and would end up waiting until Rin left the KIA stone until he paid his visit. She probably knew that, considering her warning on Rin's presence.

"Well, it's not like you really needed any other gift. You're so hard to please," she complained, although he could tell she wasn't serious. "Do you even have hobbies?"

"I do," he didn't mean the comment to come out offended, but it did because he was offended.

"Oh?" She didn't bother asking what they were, on the grounds that she didn't really care that much. "Well, you need better ones." She wanted to tap him on his shoulder, but thought better of it and settled for crossing her arms and making small talk. Partly it was because it would piss off the monkey in the trees, and partly it was because talking to Kakashi made her feel slightly giddy, in a annoying, agonizing way. "Because you're so high strung. Do you ever have fun?"

"Do you?" He didn't mean it to come as a snap, but it did. He searched her face and found that it hadn't changed, which was slightly annoying as offending her was still just as difficult as before.

"I'm having fun right now," she answered honestly, her tone blunt and causing him to scowl. She couldn't see the scowl, but she saw a tiny movement underneath his mask that made her imagine it was there.

"Shut up," he all but grumbled, feeling to see if Rin's Chakra was still in the area.

"Kakashi," he looked up at her sudden shift in tone, coming out oddly serious. "For future missions, make sure Rin doesn't do anything...stupid."

He could tell what she meant, but he didn't reply. He was unsure how to reply and the meaning of her request felt oddly nostalgic and reminded him of the crushing rocks and broken smile of Obito's last request. Protect Rin.

It seemed liked the weight of the burden crashed down on his shoulders and Anomie's eyes narrowed as she noticed her words had a negative effect on him. "She'll have your back too, you know...keep you from doing anything reckless. If bad things happen, unless you are the instigator, it won't be your fault." Anomie's sigh caught him off guard as she took a step closer, careful not to touch. "So find a hobby that makes you smile, whether that be reading porn," he frowned. "Or getting something to eat. I've always found that taking a moment out of a day to treat yourself is what you're supposed to fight for in the end. Unless you fight just to fight for the fun of it or fight for your friends. Whatever."

The way her eyes stared into his made his shoulders to stiffen, although he quickly frowned to stop the movement as he met her gaze once more. "Something tells me you take too much time for yourself."

He wasn't expecting her to laugh, but she did. He hadn't heard her laugh very often, as usually she always had a sly smile or an annoying smirk, but her laugh wasn't so bad. She skipped next him, tempted to shove him in the shoulder but didn't as she walked past him, turning around to smile in his direction while he looked over his shoulder. "Maybe I didn't in the past, but I will now. Stay safe, Kakashi."

He watched her turn around and continue walking away. Her parting words made him slightly freeze, as he hadn't heard it in more than a month. He had grown used to her seeing the team off at the gate and wishing their safety, so hearing it again made him feel oddly relaxed in a strange way.

He didn't linger on it as he sensed for Rin's Chakra, finding it nowhere in sight.

Wasting no more time, he quickened his steps until he could kneel down next to the stone where Obito's name dwelled. Next to it was a fresh vase of white flowers, swarming with the residue of Rin's Chakra. It was oddly comforting.

"I suppose I'm late," he whispered, pressing his hand against Obito's name.

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"You took forever," came the Monkey's voice as he dropped down from the trees. He didn't sound pleased, but gave up when he saw Anomie's uncaring expression.

"Thank you," and even though she didn't sound sincere, Saru could vaguely tell that she was.

"I promised just Rin," Saru reminded, and heard Anomie's slight scoff.

"I'll get you a banana later."

"If I don't get a fucking banana this time..." he muttered under his breath, too proud to let her hear him. He didn't want to deal with anymore of her comments.

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Anomie let out a wheeze as she dropped to her knees, for the eighth time she got kicked in the stomach and she still hadn't built immunity to it. She wasn't sure why Saru couldn't aim anywhere else, like maybe break her arm or something. At least that way, she wouldn't have to force herself to keep from vomiting.

Saru didn't look particularly unchanged or out of breath, even though she was panting her ass off. When she heard that she had exceptional stamina, she had thought that meant she wouldn't pant or get very, well, tired. At least not so soon, but she had never practiced Taijutsu in her life, and its strain wasn't similar to...other activities.

She also wasn't used to feeling particularly violent, but the urge to punch the monkey mask off Saru's face didn't disappear. It was odd, and the emotion made her puff into smoke for a mere moment before her form returned. Sadly, the damage was done and she was naked. Saru had already turned around, something that was like second nature to him at this point. One day, she'd like to learn how to not be naked, but that day wasn't now.

"How about we switch to Ninjutsu," Saru suggested just as Anomie nonchalantly adjusted her tube top, both hands holding her breasts so they were snug. Saru caught that and only stared, obviously waiting for a sense of modesty that the girl obviously didn't have. Figuring this out, he sighed.

"Ninjutsu sounds fine," she commented, and he held out a small slip of paper that she only stared at in bemusement.

"This is special paper that is grown with special Chakra," Saru stated, and she frowned at his belittling tone. "It will tell us your affinity once you expose even the slightest bit of Chakra to it. If your affinity is fire, it will ignite and turn into ash. Wind, it will split in two. Lightning, it will wrinkle. Earth, it will turn into dirt and crumble away. Water, it will get damp." He tossed her the paper, which she caught carefully.

Not being one to waste time, she pressed her Chakra into it, almost jumping when it broke into flames before turning to ash. She looked up to Saru, whose arms were crossed with an almost annoyed stance.

"Damn it," she heard him mutter.

"Do you have something against fire affinity?" she asked, and saw his shoulders stiffen. With his mask, she couldn't gauge his expression.

"They usually grow up to be assholes," he retorted, and she leaned against one hip, not offended, but rather amused.

"It's good for you. Fire means smoke which goes well with your talents," he stated, brushing off his earlier insult.

"What's you're affinity?" she asked, although, judging by her tone and expression, he doubted she really cared.

He took out another tiny paper, and it split in two. She watched, obviously unamused.

"You could have just said wind," she stated, although, she thought it was kind of ironic that his affinity could cause her death so permanently. According to the Jiraiya, sooner or later she could overcome that fetal weakness, but to do that, she needed perfect Chakra control and balanced emotions. Both of which were bullshit.

"Fire release is probably your best chance in surviving since it is strong against wind attacks, so you should consider yourself lucky," came Saru's comment, sounding like he had just read out of a textbook. "What type of fire technique do you want to learn? My knowledge on them is fairly limited, but I know enough."

How the hell should I know? "Don't care. Something cool," was her only, lazy, reply.

"We will go with something easy, rank E," once again Saru's tone was belittling, but she decided to ignore it considering he was going to teach her. She didn't know the ranks of Jutsu very well, but she could assume by Saru's condescending tone that it obviously was something a child could learn. "It's called, Katon: Ichi. It's where you build up your Chakra into your index finger in the form of heat until you get a small flame."

She frowned, "you're kidding."

"I never joke about Ninjutsu," he replied, and her eyes slightly narrowed at his obvious amused tone.

"What use is this?"

"It's the building block of all fire Jutsu. Essentially, it can cut through rope and glass. Very good for escaping."

"So it has no combat use."

She could practically see his smirk from beneath the mask.

"Get started. If you can't do this, I'm dropping you as a student," he warned and she frowned, lifting up her hand and in a mere moment, a tiny flame grew on her pointer finger. "I'm impressed that you can do that much."

At his rude comment, she snapped her fingers, sending out a jolt of fire that lightly blew up in his face. He slightly jumped, but it was more of a prank rather than something she could fight with.

"Alright. I'll teach you something else," he raised his hands in mock surrender that managed to make her a bit more angry, however she didn't show it. "Tora," he ordered, and she made the appropriate sign in a mere instant.

He was still vaguely impressed at just how fast she memorized everything he threw at her with speed that would eventually outclass his with more practice. He decided not to tell her this as building an ego so quick in the training is not only annoying but he didn't really like complimenting her in the first place.

He repeated the seals and she obeyed. "Those are the hand signs for Katon: Yojin Bunshin no Jutsu. It's a basic Bunshin wherein the user will call forth, in corporeal form a clone of you, crafted from flame. It's relatively weak and will only have a tenth of your ability. I suggest using it for distractions or pranks rather than something to fight along side you. Use it strategically, instead of brutally."

He watched as she repeated the seals, her expression never changing, even though her body was still slightly bruised from their last sparring moment. For the most part, she had a relatively decent control of her Chakra, but it cost her almost all her patience and made her once perfectly situated mask to crumble as she fell to the ground.

After two more months of training, she found herself unable to stand. She was...exhausted and she almost wanted to cry as her heart beat so fast that she could hear it in her ears. As she looked down, she saw her hands were covered in burn marks as they dug into the grass. She glanced up at Saru, finding him watching with crossed arms.

"Take a break for a couple days," he ordered and watched, as she slowly stood up, her form unbalanced and her face slightly red with exhaustion as she wiped the gathering moisture from her brow. She felt disgusting and her heart was beating to the point where she wanted to fall back down and sleep.

"No. I..." Her voice came out oddly emotional, which wasn't something she was used to, as she had never even broke down in front of Rin or anyone, and yet she felt like crying now. "I have to get better."

Saru sighed, his body flickering in front of her, which was rather lazy considering he could of just as easily walked. "You're pushing yourself too hard, and while I admit you're improving steadily, you won't get through much more as you are now."

"I have to get stronger and more in control," she stated, her voice returning to its even pace as she shut down her emotions. Doing so was getting easier as of late, and she was able to almost physically step back from those thoughts.

She heard Saru sigh from underneath the mask, but other than that he didn't say much. They both knew why she wanted to get powerful. It wasn't to fulfill some inner desire to be strong or help with the war, even if her abilities would be useful.

She only wanted to see Rin and even Kakashi. She wanted to make sure they were all right.

She wanted to make sure Rin was happy, that she was smiling, that she was eating, and that she hadn't burned down the kitchen again. That was all she wanted. Rin was her motivation and her strength. Everything she had was because Rin saved her life in more ways than one.

She was thankful to Kakashi as well, but she could go at least another month before really missing him.

She even missed Gai, for what that was worth. She hadn't spoken to anyone. All she did was train and eat and sleep. She supposed it could be worse, as Saru wasn't the worst company she could have, but she had never really missed someone before so the emotion was raw and odd.

"If you don't rest, your body will give out and you won't be able to do anything," Saru warned, and she only stared. "You are out of Chakra and frankly, your speed isn't very good today."

"I have Chakra pills," she stated and he sighed, as if he were talking to a child.

"I am going to knock you out in five seconds," Saru warned as her hands shakily reached for the pills.

"Don't be such a downer. I'm fin-" she didn't finish her sentence as her body slumped forward and crumbled into his arms before he could even knock her out. He sighed, glancing up towards the sky and wondering, why me?

He had to commend her progress. Her strength had increased more everyday and now he actually felt her punches in the morning. He didn't see it in the beginning, but the Third Hokage had been right.

She was leaking with untapped potential and without a day of missed training, she could be at least Chūnin strength after another four months.

Sadly, she was also stubborn and monopolized his entire day. Saru was tempted to drop her right there, but decided against it as he body flickered away.

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It wasn't until spring that the sakura blossoms sprouted from the once dead trees. Thousands of little petals spread upon the branches, some falling to the ground like pink snow drops. Against the backdrop of a clear blue sky, the blossoms looked almost mystical and they fell into Anomie's palms as she rested underneath the tree.

Sakura trees didn't exist in Kemuri, so feeling the smooth breeze run through the branches and through her hair made her feel calm. She was able to forget her impatience, forget her bruises that decorated her skin in pink spots. She was able to forget the burn marks that adorned her hands in painful marks.

It wasn't too long ago that her skin had been perfectly smooth, pale and untouched by the sun. Konoha's atmosphere seemed to change it so now her fingers were dry and her lips were chapped on most days, as she hadn't the money nor the choice of taking care of her skin since leaving Rin's house.

She wasn't allowed in crowds and she wasn't allowed to hear the laughter of the children, running to academy in a rush of early morning. She didn't realize that she would miss it, but she had gotten spoiled on the air of Konoha. It was peaceful, untouched by the true plagues of war. The part where children stopped laughing and people started rioting and disease and plague ran through the ranks.

In the poor districts, she was certain that it couldn't remain completely untouched, but with Anbu and the Uchiha keeping the peace, it never got out of hand. Sometimes she wondered if she'd wake up from this dream, opening her eyes to the hands of some old man's hands, cupping her while she stared blankly into the corner of a peach colored room.

It was around this time of year that she joined her first mission. It was simple, but it made her feel nervous at the idea of leaving the village. It was a simple mission. Nothing special or particularly dangerous about its description, initially.

"You think I'm ready?" she asked, watching as Saru adjusted his mask and she caught a glimpse of his pale skin and full lips before the mask was in place. From behind her, she heard the sounds of the Falcon, adjusting her mask while she dug in her locker. It was messy, not any different from the last time Anomie had seen it, not that the Anbu woman particularly cared when everyone said to clean up.

Saru glanced her way, leaning his side against the lockers as he slowly nodded, before crossing his arms over his chest. "If you succeed in this mission...you'll officially be a Shinobi of the Leaf."

Anomie didn't like it, but a sense of pride surged in her chest without her permission. She made sure not to show it on her face as she remained sitting on the bench, one leg propped up so her arm was resting on her knee. Her black boots were high, reaching past her knees and stopping just underneath the mesh and panties that did little to cover most of her lower half. She wore black leggings underneath, but they were see through in some lights, doing little for modesty, and more for flexibility. Her arms were covered in fingerless gloves that reached past her elbow while a tight fitting corset covered her chest, just over the mesh.

She supposed it wasn't the most...covered of outfits, but it was flexible and easy to get back on if she lost her form. Unlike most outfits that she saw in display, this wouldn't be hard to quickly change into if she ended up naked in a forest. She doubted at this point, anyone wouldn't really mind since she had been fully naked in front of Saru and Falcon many times.

The mission was explained in simple terms, and she supposed if she were new to the horrors of war, she would have reacted more to the obvious order of assassination to the Iwagakure squad that had taken to raiding close to the borders of the Land of Fire. A part of her wondered if this was the group of Ninja who had slaughtered her village, but she had no desire to ask.

She didn't know much about Falcon's skill set, besides the obvious ability to track any enemy, as the woman had only trained Anomie in Genjutsu, so she hadn't seen any of her abilities first hand. She did feel safe with Saru, even though his Chakra affinity could kill her if she didn't pay attention.

Overall, she was oddly comfortable among the two, even when she covered her face in the Cat mask that the Third Hokage had appointed her to four days prior. Being a part of a team didn't scare her as much as she thought it would and the mission was starting to make her oddly...excited.

Stamina and speed-wise, she ended up being slightly faster than her team, which worked well for her as Falcon had a tenacity for hiding her Chakra far better than Saru and Anomie combined.

Jumping through the trees was mostly a silent affair, although the Falcon did fill the silence with small murmurs of directions as she tracked the Iwa Ninja. A long time ago, Anomie doubted she would be able to run so long, but the amount of Chakra she had pulsing through her veins made sure to keep her legs from aching and her breath from laboring. Saru's training most definitely helped as the man knew how train someone, much to her surprise.

Anomie wasn't certain how long they had been running, as the tracking was up to the Falcon in their team. She still waited for the moment where she would be able to rest since the sky had begun to darken considerably from the morning they set out. She was fairly certain that the darkness would be good for her abilities and Falcon was a sensor ninja, however, she wasn't completely certain about Saru.

Anomie wasn't very good at sensing Chakra, as those lessons had been put off in replacement for Taijutsu and a more extensive study on the human body. It was Anomie's speed and said knowledge for anatomy that got her in the Cat division in the first place. She supposed she might as well be good at something while Saru stuck to beating things senseless, mostly her.

"Do you feel that?" Falcon murmured, coming to an abrupt stop as she knelt down to press her ear against the bark of the tree while the slit eyes of the falcon's mask peered out cautiously across the darkening forest.

"Enemies?" Saru asked, just as he froze, his hand hovering to the twin daggers that remained strapped in black scabbards on his back.

Falcon made a couple hand signs, signifying the amount of nin in the area before her eyes narrowed on Anomie, making a motion of her hand rotating. Anomie nodded, her Chakra disappearing inside her as she swiftly jumped onto the top branches, hidden by the leaves as her light body balanced on one of the thinner branches and the heels of her shoes scrapped against the bark. She was silent as her eyes peered from the cat slits in her mask.

Her heart was beating in her chest as the anxious pounding made her feel slightly sick. She calmed down the fear as she heard the sudden clash of metal from underneath her; signifying Saru had landed a hit from the surprise attack.

She took a calming breath, closing her eyes and opening them after a small moment of silence. She made a motion of Jutsu, before her eyes narrowed and she set the forest on fire.

Her eyes were set on the Iwa Nin who was currently jumping off the burning branches and making seals that looked very much like water signs. She braced her leg on the branch and shot out of the trees in a mere instant, her body turning to smoke and mixing in with fire while her clothes fell to the ground. The smoke of her entire body went into his body through his eyes, nose, ears and mouth, filling his head before she halfway exited his body and part of her upper half took solid form. Her hands shivered as they snapped his neck, taking no hesitation to escape and speed through the fire to the next enemy.

She couldn't see or feel anything but the enemy as she poisoned and flooded his mind in smoke. She heard the scream, but couldn't be bothered to stop as she brought him to his knees. A part of her felt elated as she felt his heartbeat start to slow as she blocked further oxygen before escaping his form and breaking his neck, half her body transparent as she made her way through the ranks.

She was shivering by the time the screams stopped and her naked body dropped to the ground, flickering between corporeal and smoke.

She heard Saru's warning as a kunai came speeding her way. Instead of making its mark, it slipped through her body as a small portion turned transparent before going back to normal. Her eyes narrowed, losing her shape as she sped towards the ninja's panicked body from the upper branch. The smoke made a tornado motion over his face as he tried to raise his arms to create a hand sign.

Anomie didn't allow that as she felt her entire form take over his body. She raised a kunai to his chest and plugged it in, feeling the pain just as she exited his body and felt nothing. He weakly attempted another sign, despite the kunai in his chest. She turned into smoke and floated back into the flames.

By the time the battle was done, the forest floor was covered in blood and the trees were burning. She narrowly managed to slip back into her clothes and lay down on the grass, surrounded in flames as she got control back in her body.

She saw Saru's hand near her face, and she weakly grabbed it, allowing him to pull her up while Falcon pressed her blade through the last ninja's throat.

The Iwa ninja were weak this time around and couldn't have been more than Genin. By the time the battle was done, Anomie began to realize that the ones who were dead were no younger than her. Her hands were clean, not one spec of dirt or blood, and yet she saw blood when she closed her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Saru asked as broken branches fell behind him, burning to ground. She couldn't speak as she watched one of the Iwa ninja, who couldn't be more than 13, heaving as he tried to breathe from one of her attacks. She watched as his breaths became staggered before it finally ceased all together. Smoke floated from his open mouth and slowly conjoined into her body and forming into her chest as her Chakra called it back, despite the small breeze of wind that barely made it past the ashes and fire of a burning forest.

She couldn't say anything as his face shined behind her eyes when they closed.

She didn't feel anything. No guilt. No sorrow. And a large part of her body could still physically remember his last breath.

It didn't make her sad or nostalgic. It didn't make her happy. She felt...calm.

And in that moment she found where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the stirring wheel's turn towards Anomie's more darker portion of her character. She's not necessarily evil, but she's also not an anti-hero. Not yet anyway. I do want her personality to be unique, but still fit well with Kakashi because I need him to be the one to fall for her first. Aha. It's always the girl who falls first in stories, which I like, but as a girl and a slightly damaged one, I'd prefer it this way since Anomie is a bit of a slut. Not that that's bad or anything, but she kind of is.
> 
> This chapter is called Purotea (プロテア) or rather Protea in English. Protea, King stands for change and transformation. It signifies daring and resourcefulness. It is symbolic of diversity and courage.


	9. Tō Watazoku

CHAPTER EIGHT  
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WHEN SHE FELL ASLEEP, A PART OF HER THOUGHT SHE MIGHT HAVE NIGHTMARES of blood and gore, but her sleep was as dreamless as a newborn child. Her first mission had shown her the true and horrible parts of being an Anbu member in times of war. The Iwa ninja, younger than her, had been nothing in comparison to the Iwa hunter Nin that they had been tracking. The closer they got, the more villages, small and insignificant, had been annihilated. Homes were torched and children and men and women laid butchered on the ground. The blood and buzzing of insects crawling over rotting bodies brought on a sense of familiarity as she remembered the similar state of Kemuri.

She hadn't become a Kunoichi to fight or to protect, but a part of her felt the anger and injustice of it all.

For a moment, she thought about turning into a cloud of smoke, and floating away in the direction of the wind. A part of her wanted to escape the slaughter and the stench and the blood. When she lost her body, she wouldn't be able to smell the stench of decay or feel the heat of the burning villages or feel the buzz of flies around her face.

At that moment, she knew why Anbu wore masks.

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"Your first mission was a success," the Third Hokage stated as Anomie handed in her report, placing it on his desk with a calm bow as her white hair fell over her shoulders. She now wore the official Anbu uniform, finding that it fit snug and tight across her chest. The Third Hokage's face was unreadable. "I read Saru's report..."

Anomie mused the idea of how fast the monkey had turned it in while she took a day. Kiss ass.

"You did well," the Third said, his fingers crossed in each other, covering the lower half of his face while his elbows rested against the desk.

"Thank you," she felt her chest swell with pride, but she was quick to not let it show since he was basically complimenting her skill in killing 20 ninja, 14 of whom were children.

"Is Anbu making you feel welcome?" he asked, and she remembered the moment she had asked to be in the Cat Division, so many weeks ago. She had single-handedly chosen to be in the assassination unit, but no doubts lingered in her mind after feeling first-hand what it was like to truly kill.

"It isn't what I expected," she said slowly, her head still bowed so all she could see was the hardwood floor and the small crevice underneath the giant wooden desk. "But it's not horrible."

The Hokage didn't say anything to that, and she bowed her head one last time, making a motion to leave. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but his eyes were sad and hesitant.

"Team Kakashi came back from mission three days ago," the Hokage stated and she felt her shoulders tense, feeling happy for a mere moment before his sad eyes flashed in front of her eyes.

"..." She wanted to ask, but she didn't want him to answer. She didn't want to know, but at the same time her lips opened and closed as she became even more grateful that the mask hid her expression.

"Nohara Rin...unfortunately didn't make it back alive."

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It was ironic, rotten luck, and yet, Anomie was unable to cry. Even as she watched the cremated remains lowered into the ground. Tears surrounded her and the sakura blossoms drifted in small pink petals to the ground. Rin didn't have a clan, so there was no family crypt. There was just a hole in the ground, surrounded by headstones.

She didn't recognize most of the people who cried for her, and most, considering the ages, could have been in Rin's graduation class. More than half were in tears and she heard whispers of how kind and sacrificing a person Rin had always been. Most probably didn't know Rin at all. Most couldn't answer what her favorite color had been, which type of seashell she had always liked to decorate the house with, what she looked like when she fell apart that night her mother was killed.

They probably barely knew Rin at all and yet they were able to shed tears while Anomie only stood, watching as the hole was sealed off, sakura petals falling in with them.

She stood there, standing and unmoving, even after everyone else had left. She couldn't budge from her place and she barely blinked as she felt the heat of spring slowly cloud over with a rough breeze, threatening to take her away. The sun had begun to set by the time she felt someone stand by her side.

She didn't have to ask who it was or look his way. She didn't have to ask if he was okay or if he had been able to cry. She didn't want to speak. She only wanted to float away in the wind and allow it to scatter her body into nothing. She wanted to evaporate and lose all form, but she couldn't. She could only stand still and shiver in the cold.

She didn't know how Rin died, she didn't need to know and she didn't have the stomach to ask. All she knew was her body had been impaled and there hadn't been too much blood because her flesh had been seared through by some kind of raw heat that had cauterized her flesh. She wanted to ask about it, especially since the whispers of Kakashi friend-killer surfaced in the ranks of Anbu, proving that Anomie's ear for gossip only got more painful now that she was older..

She knew he wasn't malicious, but what was she supposed to think when the only information she had gotten had been malicious rumors.

"She really loved you," that was all she chose to say, and she knew her words hurt him the moment she allowed herself to speak. She could feel it in his rigid posture from next to her. She knew it would hurt him before she opened her mouth, and a small part of her wanted to hurt him. "But it's not your fault. It was never your fault." She forced the words out, and they came out more genuine and sincere than she had thought she could muster.

She bit her lip until she felt her skin break. She couldn't stand here next to Rin's killer and she wanted to leave. She wanted to run away so badly that her legs shook and her fingers trembled. They trembled so much that she slowly slipped her hand in his to make them stop. He froze and his hand didn't squeeze back, even as she tried to rid herself of all her hateful thoughts.

She was afraid her body would disappear into smoke for a mere moment, but slowly the feeling of him returning her gentle tug broke her out of her stupor.

His voice, so low and close to agony, tore away her hateful thoughts. "I'm sorry."

She realized in that moment, that it was impossible to truly and fully hate him. She hated herself too much for that. She hated herself for not being strong enough to protect Rin, for not being there to protect her, for not being able to spend more time with her, for not being able to cry.

She hated herself and perhaps it was easier to shift the blame onto him for her own stupid fate.

She only squeezed his hand, tight in her fist as if he would break and crumble without her there to anchor him in place. Perhaps it was the same for her, and he was her anchor and last line to Rin.

She didn't know. She didn't want to ask and even as her heart pounded in her chest, so blindingly painful, and yet she still didn't show any emotion and didn't cry. She wondered, briefly, if Kakashi thought her to be a cruel woman, but his hand in hers made her think otherwise.

She didn't hate him, even if she did believe it was his fault.

She just didn't understand why Rin had to die.

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A week passed, slow and agonizing with her pressing every thought and effort into missions. They were quick, almost fleeting as the war effort had begun to quiet as Sunagakure began to launch more attacks in cooperation with Konoha. This had been the first mission where Anomie saw Konoha's 'Yellow Flash' in battle.

Watching him fight made her head clear with awe as he single-handedly took down more than half of the enemies before many of the other ninja had time to finish a Jutsu. She suspected the loss of both of his students had taken a greater toll on his mind than he appeared, and all he wanted was for the war to end. She could only wonder where his power was the night Rin's chest had been impaled.

She didn't speak to him, even after sitting across from him for an hour as they waited to ambush the enemy. She didn't really know anything about Minato Namikaze, except for the fact that his students had died on his watch. She couldn't hate him, even if she wanted to, and how she wanted to. She wanted to hate something, but all she could do was fight.

All she could do was kill.

All she could was give her life for the village that took her in and gave her purpose.

She didn't want revenge, but at the same time she wanted to burn down the forest and lie amongst the ashes and watch as smoke clouded the sky until the blue turned grey and black.

Maybe, in some way, she was only running to her death, but she was afraid that if she stopped for a moment of mercy...

...death would impale her as well.

But it was strange, going from the gore of the battlefield and coming back through Konoha's gates where it looked like nothing had changed. No matter who died, people here lived on and in a way that was comforting.

Children still laughed and ran to academy where they would be trained to fight in the war to take the place of the kids who had died. It was a cycle and it almost seemed like it would never end.

Up until it did and the Third Hokage took responsibility for the losses by stepping down from his rank and seat that had aged and changed him. She wasn't surprised when Minato Namikaze took the seat next, and watching his yellow hair and Hokage's coat wrapped around his shoulders, made him look like the hero everyone called him.

She didn't smile, but a part of her knew that this man would bring peace. There wouldn't be another Kemuri, where innocent lives that hadn't done anything but live wouldn't be butchered like soldiers.

She wasn't happy, but she belonged somewhere.

And that would have to do for now.

She saw a scruff of white hair in the crowd as she leaned against the tower where Minato stood, high above the audience of villagers and Shinobi and Kunoichi who watched their new leader. She didn't realize her eyes had been searching for him until they finally rested on his slumped form. He didn't look particularly happy, and his stance was lazy.

Mostly he looked almost empty, as if he didn't have the energy to do anything but walk around and stare with a stoic expression. Was that what she looked like too? The thought didn't rest well, so she closed her eyes, adjusting to the darkness of her Anbu mask as she straightened her stance.

She still hadn't gone back to Rin's house. She hadn't even tried, but a part of her knew that Rin had no family and that eventually, she'd have to do something about that place. For now, however, she didn't go near the eastern district of Konoha, but soon she would need to clean it out because there was no way she could live there.

Her thoughts strayed away as Minato made a small, commemorative speech that she only half listened to. He promised peace and a united force of elemental countries; which she found hard to believe consider she still wanted to see those villages go up in flames.

By the time the speeches were done, Konoha seemed lighter with the aspect of a peace treaty being in full affect. Obviously, they had no idea that many ninja in Kumo, Kiri, and even Iwa weren't so quick to give up attacks. Hatred and mistrust still lingered and the old Daimyo had betrayed Konoha's secrets to the enemy, not expecting Konoha to come out of the war.

She took one last, sparring look at Kakashi as he walked away from the crowd before she followed behind the new Hokage with the Owl at her side.

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"Haven't seen you for a long time, An-chan~" Genma's happy comment was unwelcome as he threw an arm around Anomie's shoulder. "My heart still hasn't forgotten you." Raidō scoffed from her left, adjusting the red bandage that covered his nose. Kurenai and Asuma sat side by side while Gai leaned up against the opening wall of the dango shop, eating and searching the crowd.

"I wish I could say the same," Anomie stated, her voice coming out blank while Kurenai shot her a sympathetic glance that she didn't fully understand.

After a couple mission in Anbu, Anomie had officially suffered through another tattoo on her shoulder, which she was now forced to cover, making most of her outfits pretty much useless. It seemed, no matter how many times she asked, no one would let her get the Anbu mark on her butt or some place convenient. She asked for it on the back of her neck, just under her Oiran marking, but that was apparently out of dress code.

"So cold, An-chan," Genma pouted, still not removing his arm. She did notice that he was slightly more...considerate than usual, and she knew why even though she didn't say anything. No one brought up Rin, which she was thankful for, especially since she had no desire to be emotional around someone like Genma. She was fairly certain that he would never let her forget it if she did.

Genma lifted up a stick of three colorful dango and held it to her face.

"How about we share like a normal couple?" he suggested and she was slightly tempted to either laugh or stab him in the eye with pointy end of the stick.

"Genma," Kurenai warned and Anomie saw the exasperated expression on both their faces before deciding to cut the tension by taking a bite of Genma's dango. Said boy obviously didn't expect that as his cheeks inflamed in red.

"I-Indirect kiss," he muttered, and Anomie almost wanted to smack him in the face for making it awkward.

"That's it. I'm done," she stood up and brushed his arm off her shoulder. "See ya Kurenai, Raidō, Asuma." She waved behind her.

"My love," Genma stood up, almost sarcastically, accidentally spilling Kurenai's tea before she had a chance to say goodbye.

"My tea!" Kurenai then proceeded to kicking the senbon mouthed jackass until he fell back to the bench.

"Hey," Gai said, stopping Anomie from walking away completely. His voice was oddly serious and his eyes were troubled.

It was hard to mock someone when they looked at her so earnestly, so she turned towards him, waiting for him to speak.

"You haven't seen Kakashi around lately?" Gai asked and Anomie stood still, not sure how to answer without coming off like a bitch. She still had mixed feelings about hating the silver haired, masked boy, but she didn't want anyone else to know that.

"I haven't," she slowly replied, as if the words hurt to come out.

"He's different...he's more of a loner lately," Gai's serious tone was started to freak her out. "Rin's...death," Gai looked reluctant to say it in front of Anomie, although she didn't know why, "changed him...we didn't know her very much, but you did."

It didn't take her long to realize what he was asking her to do, and she found her eyes narrowing for a split second before going back to its normal shape as her lips continued to innocently purse. "I don't think he needs friends right now, Gai-san. If he's avoiding people, he's doing it because that's what he needs to do."

Gai's eyes heated up with fiery passion, "I refuse to let him crawl inside himself and brood."

She tilted her head to the side, "Well, if anyone can get through to him, it's you."

"You're right. I will challenge him!" Gai suddenly darted off, ironically just as Kakashi walked by with his hands in his pockets and his eye to the ground.

She almost ignored him, but Gai's words struck her deeper than she expected and she caught Kurenai's concerned eye before standing still, watching Kakashi disappear behind a corner. She could still feel his Chakra, so she knew he didn't get far, but it was only a matter of time when she would lose its location since Chakra sensing wasn't her strong point. She sighed, walking the same path as him and matching Kakashi's pace. She watched him pick up a book from the ground, wasting no time to buy it while she read the morbid title about Shinobi death.

She rubbed her temples before walking in front of him. He looked surprised and she almost found herself pouting. "Gai says you've been avoiding people."

He didn't look surprised and merely stared at her with a blank stare. "Gai says a lot of things."

She didn't question it as he shoved the book in his pocket. "I need your help."

He raised a single brow, and she softened her expression so he wouldn't think she hated him, even though that possibility was debatable. "I'm a little busy."

She slightly smiled, thinking it was cute that he thought he had a choice. "I need your help moving some items out of Rin's house." She left out the part of donating said house to the village, but she figured it was to be expected since Rin put her name on the lease a couple months ago, leaving her to take care of the mess.

Kakashi's form froze, and she had no doubt that her request was slightly cruel, but Anomie always did have a blunt way of dealing with situations. "I can't do it by myself..."

For a moment, Kakashi saw the tiniest glimmer of weakness in the girl's eyes, before it disappeared altogether. He noticed she was uncomfortable, from the way her arms crossed over her chest to the way her body was distant and her legs were stuck together with no gaps except for the tiny thigh gap that was apparent from her dark leggings.

He wanted to decline, but leaving her to do the dirty work all by herself didn't make him comfortable. Even so, rejection was still lingering on his lips and she let out a small sigh, her eyes gentle as they met his.

"You don't have to, but I'll start on it in two hours. You can either show up or not," she took a step closer, her gaze getting stronger. "It's up to you. I'm pretty strong, so if you don't come, there's no harm done."

She didn't give him the chance to respond as she turned around and left him standing there, the book he had picked up suddenly feeling heavier in his pocket.

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The new Hokage held a meeting, gathering Anbu and deciding which ones would stay on in the ranks and which ones were to be replaced for his new position. Anomie hadn't seen it coming, and just when she thought her rank would be taken away from her, he smiled and kept her on as the Cat. In a way, she was confused, as she wasn't nearly as skilled as many of the ones he had dismissed, but there wasn't a moment to question it before the meeting ended and the Anbu bowed and many body flickered out.

Anomie decided to use the door, since her skill in Shunshin no Jutsu wasn't yet perfect. She still hadn't gotten the landing down quite well, so her crashes often put a test to the idea that cats always land on their feet. That being said, she'd prefer to not end up falling into a dumpster again.

Minato's voice stopped her musing thoughts before she could escape the room and she turned back towards the door to get a better look at the new Hokage. For a moment she thought she was in trouble, as she didn't feel very comfortable with one on one conversation with her superiors. She never had, but her mask kept her frown hidden as she took a step closer and knelt just as she heard his voice say, "Koneko." Her code name in Anbu wasn't her favorite, but it seemed like it stuck after the initial meetings with the Third Hokage.

"Yondaime," she greeted, hearing him chuckle.

"I hope to get used to that title soon," Minato said, and she slightly smiled at his easy voice, soothing her thoughts. "I was thinking of placing you on an official team. Your skill sets have impressed me, especially considering your abilities have risen so fast."

She stayed silent, feeling oddly proud to be complimented by one as strong as the Namikaze Hokage. She didn't want to sound arrogant, so she decided to stay silent.

"You will meet your new team in a couple days, so show up bright and early for that. Rest and get lots of sleep," he stated and she was close to protesting before she caught the definite resolution in his eyes.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," she agreed and he smiled.

"I'm counting on you," he replied, and she decided that she wanted to get out faster, so she nodded her head and body flickered away.

Her landing on top of the dumpster didn't hurt so much, but she swiftly kicked it in anger as she jumped onto the roof to get away from her obvious failure and slight embarrassment. She'd get it right one day; sadly the Jutsu wasn't as easy as she thought it would be when Saru had showed it to her.

Her mood soured the moment she landed in front of Rin's front door.

She was tempted to set the building on fire so she wouldn't have to think about it anymore, but she forced herself to get the key from under the welcome mat. She hovered it over the lock for a long string of consecutive seconds before she turned the key and unlocked the door. It squeaked as she opened it and her legs shook when she took a step inside the darkened house that hadn't been touched for a month with thick coating of dust that almost made her want to cough.

It took a moment to adjust to the darkness as she closed the door behind her, too lazy to close it all the way as she reached for the light switch, finding that nothing happened as she flicked it up.

She sighed, walking to the kitchen as her feet remembered the way as she got out a candle from the pantry and used her Chakra to flare on her pointer finger to ignite the fuse. She did the same for eight more candles since the sun had already began to set, making little to no light fill any of the rooms.

As soon as she finished, she kind of just stood there in the middle of the room. The first thing that her eyes rested on was a dead flower. There was no residue of Rin's Chakra, and Anomie felt her heart swell in her chest as she took a small step forward. Her hand trembled as she reached out to it and the moment her fingers wrapped around the vase she tossed it to the ground. It shattered upon impact and Anomie's eyes squeezed shut.

The flower never protected anyone...all it did was take up Rin's Chakra and give nothing back.

She took a deep breath, glancing around the room. There was a small picture frame on the table, just in front of the couch. She slowly walked to it, seeing it was a picture of Rin's team, with Rin smiling in the middle while Obito and Kakashi stood on both sides with Minato happily behind them.

Her expression disappeared as she slowly placed the frame back down, her eyes catching onto another frame that she had to hold over a light to see. It was her and Rin, although, Anomie couldn't remember when it had been taken; which wasn't surprising as she was asleep and Rin was grinning at the camera.

She bit her bottom lip with her fist clenched at her side as her fingers squeezed the frame so hard that a crack broke through, just above Rin's stomach and over Anomie's sleeping head.

She quickly put it down and brought out one of boxes Rin stored in the closet. It took her a moment to realize her hands were shaking as she tried to ignore everything she threw in each box. Doing so, made her much clumsier than normal and she felt her hand scrap against a piece of glass that she accidentally shattered with her much too tight grip of one of the picture frames.

She froze as the thin cut began to drip with blood, watching as it dripped onto the ground, one drop at a time.

She didn't know how long she watched the blood splatter until a hand gently grabbed her wrist and cover wound in a small bandage. She glanced up, slightly surprised to be caught completely unaware. Her eyes met Kakashi's single eye and she tried to smile, but found the expression wouldn't come to her.

She barely noticed how his hand still held hers, just like she barely noticed the tiny sting of the cut.

A small part of her wanted to pull him close and make herself forget Rin, but another part of her wanted to evaporate and set the house on fire.

She wasn't sure how long they stared in each other eyes before she pressed her head against his shoulder. They were basically the same height, so the action wasn't too awkward as she felt him stiffen the moment her head came in contact.

"There's a lot of dust in this room," she mumbled, feeling her eyes begin to water. He didn't say anything, but he also didn't push her away. He just stood still with his eyes closing so he wouldn't have to use the same excuse to cry.

He felt her shoulders slightly shake as she held in her sobs, feeling the material that covered over his neck begin to get damp. He had never seen her frown or yell or show any sorrowful emotion before, and his hand moved on their own to press gently on her back.

Her fingers tightly gripped the material of his shirt as he glanced down at her, her Anbu mask strapped against her neck while her white hair was in two braids that went past her shoulder blades. He ran his fingers over the tie, loosening her hair so it could act as some type of shield. He knew that her pride was the only thing she had left, and he didn't want to take that away too.

He wasn't certain how long they stood there, in the darkness of Rin's house, but by the time he noticed his eyes were damp, all the candles had already burned out.

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She didn't remember falling asleep, but by the time her eyes opened she noticed she was in an unfamiliar, dreary grey room with only one window to fill the apartment up with very little light. The sound of water and excessive scrubbing was what released her from a restless sleep. She slowly sat up, finding herself still in her Anbu uniform and covered in a thin blanket on top of a tatami mat.

She glanced up and saw the door to the room was opened, and she slowly sat up and saw her shoes had been taken off, leaving her in white socks. They were thin enough to feel the cold ground underneath. She closed her eyes, recognizing Kakashi's Chakra, still lingering on the mat and the residue of it filled the room. She slowly walked out the door, making sure to not make any noise as she saw Kakashi's tense back, excessively scrubbing his hands in the sink.

The closer she got, the more she noticed he was shaking. By time she was directly behind him she saw he still didn't notice her presence and she began to grow worried.

She grabbed his arm, and his form tensed in reaction until his other hand pressed against her throat and pushed her back against the counter with his body leaning over her as if he didn't recognize what he had done. Moments later he let go of her throat and slammed his back against the wall before sliding down until his head was tucked in between his knees.

Her fingers glided over her throat, feeling a slight bruises that she swiftly ignored as she knelt down next to him. Her eyes stared upon his reddened hands, slightly damp and sore from scrubbing. He didn't react when she placed his hands in hers. Her eyes ghosted over him curiously as she saw, for the first time, his left eye had a red scar going down along with a spiral eye, red and dark while his other was normal. She didn't question this new eye as she pressed his hands in hers, using her sleeves to wipe off the water.

His eyes connected to hers as she pressed her other palm against his forehead, using the back of her hand to linger against his cheek, still covered in a mask. She sighed, and stood up, going through a couple cupboards before finally finding the glasses. She filled one with water and walked back to him, kneeling down and placing it next to his left side. He glanced at it before his eyes met hers once more.

"I can't get the blood off," he finally muttered, glancing down at his hands.

At that moment, she refused to believe anyone could call him a friend killer.

She slid next to him and pressed her head against his shoulder, making sure to keep a certain distance as she grabbed both his hands and covered them with her own. She made sure that he couldn't see his own hands as she held them close to her while his white and fluffy hair, still messy from waking up, tickled her forehead.

As long as he couldn't see his hands, she knew he wouldn't see any blood. And she even though she didn't fully understand the situation, even though she didn't understand why Rin died or how she died, Anomie held onto him as he sat next to her, holding onto him to keep him steady.

And it was quiet, but in that silence, she felt his fingers squeeze against her own before his head rested on hers.

As long as he leaned against her, her head was silent, with no horrid thoughts or ringing chimes. She wondered if he noticed that he had stopped trembling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> トウワタ属 or rather Tō watazoku, in English it is called Asclepias (Syriaca). Actually, that's not English either. It is also called the Milkweed (Cousin of the butterfly flower Asclepias (Tuberosa)). With all my knowledge of Japanese, I can successfully say, that I didn't know how to translate the 'syriaca' part.
> 
> Tō Watazoku can mean Sorrowful remembrance, and sometimes 'let me go' (although this mostly applies to the cousin flower Tuberosa). The name of the Milkweed, asclepias, derives from the Greek God Aeskulap, the god of healing. Asklepios, bearer of a serpent-entwined staff and son of Apollo, was such a skilled healer that he was said to be able to raise the dead.
> 
> Milkweed as a flower essence is used to raise the soul from a state of lethargy and regressive helplessness, to help it to incarnate and to wake up a pathologically withdrawing ego (Kaminski and Katz).
> 
> See what I mean about my useless knowledge of flowers. What am I doing with my life?
> 
> Anyway, Anomie was a bit of a bitch in this chapter. But I couldn't just make her get over the fact that Kakashi killed her only friend. I'm trying to make her have flaws, and I've noticed a few writers tend to give their characters all the knowledge that a view of the show Naruto would have, which is kind of unbelieveable. Example being in Gaara love stories, it is easy for us as the viewer to see Gaara as a loveable panda, but a person in Naruto wouldn't think that when he sand coffin'ed somebody for shits and giggles.
> 
> So infinite understanding of a Kakashi being a good guy right off the bat wasn't something I wanted to do. Luckily, Anomie has this thing called 'tact' which she picked up after years of being subjectated and objectified by men. She doesn't show her disgust of a person outwardly, and is quite good at hiding her loathing of Kakashi at Rin's funeral and after. So I hope I didn't get that many dislikes of Anomie's passive aggressive behavior in this chapter, even if she did purposely go out of her way to make my Kaka-kun feel like shit. Ehehehe.
> 
> Also, Rin dying was bound to happen eventually. I was planning it from the beginning, but after this point where Anomie becomes a part of Anbu is were the timeline starts to change a bit. Quite a bit actually. I wanted minor details to tie into larger changes.
> 
> It kind of sucked...killing Rin. I liked her too much.
> 
> I liked her too much


	10. Shiro no Hyashinsu

CHAPTER NINE  
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–•–

THE SKY WAS GREY AND THE NIGHTS WERE LONG WITH FOG COVERING THE MOON like a thick smog that she couldn't see past. She would stare at it in hopes that the night would end or she could just black out from the lack of activity. Still, not long passed until Anomie's short rest ended and she ended up showing up to Anbu headcounters and went straight for her locker, making no hesitation to begin getting dressed in as little of the uniform as possible. Her arms were fitted with long, plated gloves that stopped just below the Anbu tattoo. She thought about wrapping a bandage around her upper arms but slowly decided on just one.

She wasted no time to put on a skintight black suit with a grey flack jacket over it. By the time someone actually walked in, she had already slipped on her strapped boots that went past her knees. Her eyes slightly widened for a split second as she stared at Kakashi who came in, basket in hand with the Anbu uniform and mask on top.

She thought back to the moment where he saw her cry, and she glanced down, strapping her boots as she tried to ignore the surge of humiliation that rushed through her with no reprieve. She was not one to cry in front of herself, let alone anyone else.

For the first time, she began to hate the coed locker room.

She glanced back up towards his basket, seeing a mask that was of a dog and she found herself slightly smiling, finding that it oddly enough fit him. She wasn't sure why it fit him, but something about him began to remind her of a puppy. He was a slightly stupid puppy, but a puppy nonetheless.

"What are you smirking at?" Kakashi asked as he glanced at the girl from the corner of his eyes. She shrugged, her expression dying out.

Kakashi was also slightly humiliated to have been caught in a weak position just two days prior, and was glad that the girl had just as much pride so as to not bring it up. He was slightly surprised to see she had been in Anbu, as his mind flashed back to the broken and injured girl of two years ago, who had no training and no fighting ability.

Now, he could practically feel her Chakra like that of a beacon, echoing all around her. He supposed he couldn't be too surprised, considering he never actually knew much about her other than she lived with Rin, bought him porn, and was a bit of a bitch.

"Are you the one on team Ro?" she asked, breaking him out of his curious thoughts about porn.

"Hm," he agreed simply, and he read in between the lines that she would be on said team, but he didn't say anything about it.

"I'm Koneko," she introduced, putting on her mask that was, of course, a cat. Her codename might have once made him laugh, but his lips didn't so much as twitch.

"Koinu," he stated with a frown and he saw her hold onto her mask as she tilted her head to the side.

"Saru give you the name?" she asked, her voice calm with just a hint of amusement. He nodded, watching as she shook her head and strapped the porcelain mask onto her face. "I think it's because we're so young."

He knew he was only a year younger than her, but it shouldn't have meant anything in Anbu society in the long run. He, however, was the son of the White Fang and a prodigy since he was a toddler. Anomie had nothing to back up her name. She appeared out of nowhere with a map of sensitive coordinates and attack plans before rising up the ranks without even being a Genin or having a Hitai-ate.

Kakashi had to admit, in her own way, she was probably a prodigy as well.

"Well, luckily Saru is not on team Ro," she stated simply, just as a half naked man entered the locker room with nothing but the bottom half of his uniform and an Anbu mask in the shape of a bear, which oddly fit as even the man's abs had abs.

"Neko-chan!" The bear's greeting came swift as he threw his half naked arms around Anomie's smaller form. Her mask blocked any expression, but Kakashi could only guess that she didn't care by the way her posture remained so loose and without a single hesitation.

"But I suppose luck is in the eye of the beholder," came Anomie's murmur that echoed in her porcelain mask.

"You must be Koinu-chan," the bear masked man made a motion to hug him too, but Kakashi flash stepped out of his way without a single expression just as the bear hugged nothing.

Anomie shook her head, standing up with a hop as she turned towards Kakashi. She gave an almost mocking salute before she walked out of the room just as Kakashi began to change into his Anbu uniform.

"I'm Tadashi, and I'll be the captain for our missions for a while," the bear stated, and Kakashi noticed that the previous good natured humor was gone the moment Anomie left. "I want no mistakes while I am in charge." Tadashi put on the rest of his uniform by the time Kakashi already finished his. "But I've heard about you, Kakashi the friend killer." Kakashi's body stiffened and he felt his fists clenched at his side as Tadashi came next to him. "The village and the mission should come first. I am glad someone else realizes that." The large man made motion to tap Kakashi's shoulder, but a hand shot out and stopped it in midair.

"Tadashi, we should go and prepare to leave before it gets too late," Anomie's voice was calm, and there was no hesitation or wavering as she tilted her head. A bit of white hair, wrapped tightly in a braid, fell over her shoulder.

"Yes, yes, kitty cat," Tadashi laughed, patting both their heads before walking out with a good-natured hum.

Anomie let out a surprisingly cat like hiss. "He's an idiot, but he's a good fighter."

Kakashi didn't say anything and just watched as Anomie unlocked her locker and took out a rather familiar looking medallion and placed it on her pocket. She glanced his way when she felt his stare, knowing he saw it.

"Rin made a good luck charm for all of us," she stated and watched as Kakashi's gaze hardened before he covered his face with his Anbu mask and stood straighter. She shrugged and followed him out.

Anomie sighed, playing with the hem of her jacket as she followed closely behind Kakashi. She was a little apprehensive about going on a mission with him and she adamantly believed that it would be a bad idea as she didn't condone missions with people who she once knew prior to Anbu or outside Anbu. It builds bias and can compromise the mission, but it wasn't like she could tell that to the Hokage.

It also didn't help that she had no real confidence to be on a mission to the standards of Kakashi. She wasn't accepted in the ranks of Anbu because she was strong, but rather because she was dangerous. She had no illusion of the truth and she knew that she could end up accidentally killing someone so she couldn't be around civilians who didn't know how to protect themselves.

She trained everyday to make up for what she lacked because half of her still rejected the idea of being a fighter, but the bigger portion of her mind could still remember the feeling of killing someone who deserved it. She could remember the feeling of killing someone who could hurt another. She wanted to kill Konoha's enemies, and if she had to become the thing that she hated and if she had to give up her life to do it, she would become stronger...

...so there were no more people, good people, kind people, who were subjugated to a death that they didn't deserve.

Anomie tilted her head to the side, watching as Kakashi's tense back straightened as they entered the Hokage's room. Minato was piled over documents, his brows furrowed with dark bags beneath them as his eyes trailed along one of the many papers. Obviously the duties of a Hokage's life were not as glamorous as one could imagine when they ran about the village screaming about their dream to become Hokage.

The moment team Ro walked in, Minato perked up, casting his eyes away from the workload as he met gazes with all three of them, lingering the longest on Kakashi. His lips formed into a gentle smile, but his eyes were still hard and professional.

"I'm glad you've all had your introductions," Minato said, leaning back in his chair. "Your mission is one of importance for the effort of ending this war. The peace treaty is signed and, legally, agreed upon, but there are still ninja who can't let go of the seeds of war. The distrust is spread on Konoha's side, as well as Kumo, Kiri, and Iwa. As the fourth Hokage, I can't let this go any further before it escalates into something I can't control. We've worked hard for this peace to happen, your job is to make it stay."

The three Anbu members nodded their heads, waiting for the leader to finish.

"During the war, many children, men, and women lost their lives fighting against the other nations, and, as expected, many Konoha Shinobi weren't happy to hear of the peace. The terms were necessary, but they couldn't see that and in turn, some defected Konoha and announced their service of continuing the war without the support of the Leaf village. They call themselves Jiyū no Senshi (自由の戦士). Freedom fighters.

"The peace between the nations is delicate and a small spark will undoubtedly start a fire. I need you three to get rid of any trace of this band of rebels, using any means necessary." Minato's eyes were serious, free of any trace of kindness and the three Anbu bowed in acceptance. "I need this matter to be swift and quiet. The people will not take kindly if knowledge gets out that I am having Konoha Shinobi fight other Konoha Shinobi. The war has made the people agitated and distrustful, and right now, the idea of war is all they know. We need to make them accept peace."

Minato almost looked reluctant to make the order.

"Completely wipe away any drop of this Jiyū no Senshi. I need it to look like they never so much as existed."

Anomie had no problem in doing this since all she wanted was for this senseless war to end. If all her abilities were good for was killing, then she was happy to dedicate them for that purpose.

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It took three days and two nights to find the Konoha defectors. In that time, little talking took place except for Tadashi's mindless chatter. Said chatter was of small talk that had little importance, but Anomie was impressed that absolutely nothing that Tadashi spoke about gave way to a single thing on Tadashi's character.

She thought that after the second day, he would realize that neither Anomie or Kakashi had any desire to speak, but nothing of the sort came to pass and by the third day, the man kept talking. Sometimes he said things of importance, such as strategies and tactics, so the other two couldn't completely tone him out.

By the end of the third day, Kakashi's hounds ran the rebels down just as the sun began to set far below the trees. In a way, Kakashi managed to give the feel of a leader far more than Tadashi causing the other two to unofficially follow Kakashi's instincts and suggestions.

Like usual, Anomie was the infiltrator and the silent death. Stationed outside the rebel camp, was thirteen guards, standing tall and surrounding the fairly large camp.

She jumped down from the trees, her body turning to smoke, as her Chakra turned undetectable. One guard stood next to the trees, closest to where she had been and she let her immaterial body slowly enter his before he could fight her off.

Entering bodies was a skill she had been working on and perfecting, but she knew that she could keep it up for only so long until she was rejected from it. She forced the legs to move, and it felt odd to walk, like a trying to slug through quicksand.

In the next moment, when she was next to the other stationed guard, she let her Chakra flare out and connect with them until they were all controlled as well. She could only control 4 at a time, but the number would rise overtime.

She made a motion to grab for the man's kunai while all the others under her control mirrored her motions. She dug the blade into her own artery, feeling the pain for a mere instant until she exited the body and did the same for the next nine guards. It took roughly 3 minutes and once they were all dead, Kakashi and Tadashi had more than enough leeway to enter the camp while she let her immaterial form follow in quick speed, making sure to kill everyone before they could so much as use a Jutsu.

By the time everyone was dead and she returned to her original form and put on her Anbu uniform, Kakashi was already waiting for her next to the meet up point. He was uninjured and his mask, looking no different than it had three days ago, covered his face.

The two didn't speak and merely leaned against adjacent trees with mirrored crossed arms. Anomie wasn't one for idle chitchat, and she had a feeling that Kakashi was bothered with the idea of speaking after aiding in killing 92 ex-Konoha Shinobi. She didn't particularly care about the deaths of people who couldn't let go of war, so she wasn't actually as bothered as she probably should have been.

It wasn't until she saw Kakashi stiffen that she tensed. "What?" she asked, and he glanced around, his body in attack formation, darting out of the way just as a barrage of kunai hit the space his feet once occupied. Anomie back flipped, her feet hitting the tree as she righted her body.

She wasn't a sensor and the Anbu were still working on her Chakra detecting abilities, so she looked to Kakashi to know where the enemies had taken placement. He made a couple hand motions, causing her to nod as she leapt out of the trees and back flipped out of the way of another barrage of kunai.

She felt Kakashi flicker next to her, and place a hand on her shoulder. She glanced his way, seeing his Anbu mask and uniform look stiff under his tense form. "How many?" she asked as he shoved her out of the way of a sudden rush of fire.

Her lips twitched in amusement as her body flickered across the forest, just in time to get swept up in another barrage of flames.

Her body erupted in smoke, in mixed with the fire long enough to posses the unsuspecting enemy who had blown the flames. She of course couldn't have known that fire was the biggest mistake of Jutsu against Anomie.

Said smoke girl still had some issues about possessing bodies, as half the time it killed the host and this ended up the unlucky half as her host immediately fell to her knees just in time to for Anomie to exit the body and watch the girl's last breath before she fell to the forest ground.

Naked in the midst of flames was rather annoying, so Anomie henged into her Anbu uniform just as she watched Kakashi finish off the other ninja.

"All dead?" she asked, and watched as Kakashi stiffly nodded. "I think we should get back." Because the fact remained that Anomie was naked, henge or not, and her clothes were currently burnt to a crisp.

She swiftly decided that she had to figure out a way around this obvious design flaw in her Jutsu.

"Tadashi is in the vicinity," Kakashi muttered, and just in time, the bear jumped next to them without a single waver in breath or scratch or drop of blood on his clothes.

"Hey, Neko-chan...are you naked?" Tadashi immediately asked, recognizing the Chakra shrouding the henge as he wrapped a nonchalant arm around her shoulders. The action reminded her distantly of Genma, and the thought filled her with similar disdain.

She decided not to answer for lack of a decent or witty reply.

She did like how he decided to focus on a naked woman instead of the dead body by their feet. Priorities for him were obviously set.

"I should inspect you for injuries," Tadashi said, oddly serious. "Remove the henge."

"You're funny," she deadpanned, escaping his grasp as she jumped onto a thick branch. Kakashi jumped next to her, handing her a scroll which she accepted easily as it was one of the many she had him hold in case this happened.

She unsealed it and out popped an extra pair of clothes, which she slipped on over the henge. Once they were on, she released the Jutsu with a scowl from underneath her mask.

"Lets get back," she murmured simply, happy that at least Kakashi didn't say anything despite her loss of dignity.

She had a lot of thinking to do.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

It wasn't until she was bathing in the bathhouse when she met Jiraiya again.

"I'd tell you to leave, but I have a feeling you'll be back inside before I even have enough time to dress." Anomie's voice was wry and revealed even less than her face as she stood with arms crossed. She watched Jiraiya suddenly tense into a stiff and straight posture as he looked up from his peephole.

"An-chan," he greeted, trying to appear nonchalant as they found themselves in the same position as it had been a year prior. "This isn't what it looks like."

Obviously he remembered the horrid displeasure of their last meeting, where Anomie nonchalantly informed the head mistress of his peeping. Ironically, she hadn't seen Jiraiya since.

"I'm sure," she stated dryly, taking a step closer before tilting her head to the side. "I'm actually glad I ran into you-"

He looked much too proud as he straightened and placed his pointer and thumb in an arrogant 'V' shape underneath his chin. "I am the great Jiraiya: The Toad Sa-"

"I don't care," she interrupted, flatly placing her palm up in the air.

"You never let me finish."

"Anyway, I need your help."

"My services to you were a one time thing. I don't teach kids anymore. I've retired to dedicate my mind to the creative workings of art and literature."

"Do you ever get tired of all the bullshit you sprout?"

"It's not all bullshit," Jiraiya defended, although his doubt was clear in his voice.

"I bet half the things you watch unfold in your peeping doesn't even make it in your books," she continued, lazily leaning her shoulder against the walls of the onsen.

"About 60%..." Jiraiya admitted, and Anomie was slightly impressed at his blunt honesty.

"Anyway, I need your help. I heard and had the pleasure to see that your Fūinjutsu isn't so bad, and I have a problem," she said, and saw him slightly frown, obviously remembering that her last problem with a seal had roped him into training her for four weeks. "It's a minor annoyance that can cost me my life in the long run if it goes unchecked."

He sighed, slumping against a rock with his chin in his palms while his elbows rested on his thighs. "What?" his voice sounded so dejected that her lips almost twitched in a wry smile.

"My smoke Kekkei Genkai is activating a bit less than usual thanks to your tutelage, but it is rather difficult to work around in battle because everything I have attached on me becomes useless in the long run. There will be times when I run out of Chakra and will have to resort to weapons, but I can't carry weapons."

"Try a sealing scroll," he suggested unhelpfully.

"I tried that, but getting to it in time is a hassle, so I was thinking about a sealing scroll on a more accessible level."

"Accessible how?

"On my body, sealed into my skin or bones."

"That's an interesting concept and in theory, it would work. There are many seals that can be placed on the body, but I have never heard of sealing scrolls being transferred over to skin."

"I was going to test out a bunch of different designs this afternoon. I figured it was fate to run into you now."

Jiraiya sighed, "I suppose that having someone so untrained in sealing arts test their own body would be very dangerous."

"I knew you'd understand. I was thinking getting a couple of sealing tattoos on my body. I already know where I want them, as a place accessible would be nice. I want at least six for clothes and six for weapons."

"Sealing weapons in your body can go very wrong."

"You can see why I'd want your help then."

"This is going to suck..."

"If you'd rather I go tell the mistress you're here," Anomie made a motion to turn around, but Jiraiya was in front of her in an instant with a panic filled face.

"Come on...An-chan," Jiraiya almost looked worried, which was a rather nice look for him. Anomie, for once, didn't care if he peeped or who he peeped on, but blackmail was blackmail and beggars can't be choosers.

"We're friends, aren't we, Jiraiya-san?" she asked, getting close enough to place her hand on his shoulder. She was much shorter, so it felt slightly odd, but the point got across when he realized he was being manipulated.

"You have absolutely no honor."

The world isn't kind to people who play nice. Instead of saying that she shrugged. "I don't think you're in the position to question my honor, Jiraiya-san."

He sighed, looking as if he lost a battle.

"Honor aside, you're growing into quite the voluptuous woman, Anomie-chan," Jiraiya grinned, placing his hand on her head and ruffling her hair as if she were a child, which really contradicted his words.

"You realize I'm 14...right?" Her voice didn't sound particularly bothered.

He laughed like a maniac, his chest rumbling as he did. "Well, six years is not so long a wait."

She didn't know what to say to that, so she decided to merely shrug. "We will talk about that in six years then," she said after slight hesitation and it caused Jiraiya's eyes to widen.

"Wait...what?" he said and she waved her hand.

"Now, about that proposition I have given you."

"Is the seal I gave you helping you control your Kekkei Genkai?" Jiraiya's sudden changes of tone always managed to catch her off guard as she met his serious gaze. She fingered the imprint of the seal on her stomach with an absentminded touch.

The seal that had been on her arm had been a complex Chakra suppresser that narrowed her coils to the point where using Chakra was impossible, but the side effect was that Chakra had been built up and growing inside with no release for the greater part of her life. She had been told she was lucky to be alive and if she left the seal on any longer, her Chakra coils would have burst.

When she had removed the seal and Jiraiya had undone the remaining Chakra inside it, her Chakra coils were massive and she had stores of Chakra that replenished in minimal time.

She could only guess that her mother must of put the Jutsu on her body in attempts to stop her from being able to have the necessary Chakra to use her Kekkei Genkai. Her mother obviously died before more explanation on that matter and that left Anomie with no idea why or how she had her abilities. She didn't know who her family even was, especially since she never had a surname and she made 'Kougin' up on the spot so as to avoid unnecessary conversation.

Jiraiya's new seal was much less dangerous, and it was made purely of his elemental Chakra to bind her body and Chakra so as to control it better and keep her from randomly combusting in smoke. Or even worse, randomly killing someone. It could only do so much, and there were still the occasional accidents because of her large Chakra reserves, but for the most part she was safe in that respect.

"It's working as well as you said it would," she finally answered and he nodded, his gaze looking smug for a moment.

"Well, I suppose I should help you with your body," he stated, and immediately looked like he regretted it when Anomie raised a single thin eyebrow. "Body seals! Storage...oh forget it."

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By the time Anomie finally lugged her body back to her apartment, she found her heart slightly tug as she stood alone in the empty, darkly lit room. She didn't usually stay long, and her routine had fell into a cycle of missions and training until she hardly remembered to eat most days. Sleeping was something she had always managed to squeeze into her schedule, but she always got the bare minimum before she trained.

That being said, personal possessions were non-existent in every nook of the room. She had all the necessities, but no personal touch. It wasn't something she normally took notice to, but for some unknown reason, her eyes gazed upon the dark room with slight nostalgia as she walked to the kitchen portion of the room to pour a glass of water.

The only sound she focused on was the drip of water in a cup before she slowly raised it to her lips. She let the silence deafen her as she closed her eyes and slumped on the ground, realizing that she lacked any chairs or place to sit that wasn't the bed.

She had never been one for personal possessions or special items that meant something to her, not in the Yūkaku house and not now, but with Rin she was surrounded in memories at every corner. Memories from the scratch in the door frame when Rin had bet that she could throw a kunai into its mark with her eyes closed. That had ended poorly as it only scratched the doorframe and broke a lamp. There was also the picture frames that littered the small house, detailing the time when the two girl had discovered that Rin's mother had a camera stashed under the bed. They took a picture of everything, from Obito helping a grandmother cross the road, to Kakashi and Gai playing rock, paper, scissors, and even of Anomie's sleeping with Rin grinning in the camera. Anomie had none of that now, and she slowly realized that it made the silence stretch through every corner.

The last mission she had was more than a week ago, and it was odd being off so long. She figured the Hokage thought to give his subordinates a break, but as she leaned with her back slumped against the cabinets under the sink it began to feel like a punishment.

Her hands were still sore from all the seals Jiraiya had her practice, and the seals took more Chakra than she expected so by the time the sun had begun to set she barely had the Chakra left to body flicker.

Her Chakra was depleted and her eyes sagged in exhaustion, but the silence was deafening in a way she hadn't felt before. Her stomach was rumbling for food, but she couldn't be bothered with the need as she used the last of her Chakra to body flicker to her bed. Without another thought, her eyes closed and she felt consciousness and the colors of her grey apartment slowly fade to black.

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It was only the feeling of someone shoving her shoulder that made her slumber, albeit it wasn't a deep one, come to an end. She didn't stiffen or jolt awake or slip into attack mode like many ninja who were faced with a random presence next to their bed in a locked apartment. She merely opened her eyes in a calm motion and allowed them to quickly adjust to the slightly brighter hue of darkness before she turned her head and saw the stoic and stiff form of Kakashi Hatake.

"You didn't answer your summons," he pointed out with crossed arms, glancing her way as she sat up from her bed. She had no blanket and her neatly made bed was practically unchanged, even after she slept in it for a couple hours. She still wore the outfit from before, which wasn't a bother since she was used to sleeping in the same outfit for missions.

"Summons?" she murmured, her voice so low that if not for Kakashi's impeccable hearing and the lack of any noise in the entire building, he doubted he would have heard her at all. "Hm." She stood up, her movements silent and swift, slightly reminding him that her skills were getting better.

"We have a mission," Kakashi replied, and she glanced his way as she made her way to the bathroom. She didn't get far, and his body tensed when he saw her form collapse to the ground, managing to still look poise even as her body gave out.

He was by her side fast enough to even startle him. "Are you injured?" he asked, as if that were the only reasonable explanation for her loss of footing.

She glanced up at him, and through the dim light of the window and her rare lack of a mask, he noticed she had bags under her eyes. Her cheeks had also grown a shadow from the loss of weight that he hadn't noticed in any of their missions. Now that he was looking at her in an outfit that wasn't her usual uniform, he noticed that her figure had loss much of its shape.

"It's nothing," her murmur was weak, and he immediately noticed that her Chakra was reduced by more than half. "What's the mission?"

His one visible eye narrowed, as she met his gaze straight on and unflinching. "Are you up for knowing?" With his growing experience and position, they both knew the meaning of his words. He could easily drop her from the team with paid leave, but looking at her now, he began to wonder if this was what he looked like on most days.

"Nothing a shower won't cure," she said, managing to keep her tone calm as she grabbed his hand, allowing him to help her up. The sound of her stomach rumbling made all her previous attempts to stay graceful, almost immediately fail.

Kakashi always had a difficult time understanding what the girl was thinking, and the moment the sound practically bounced off the silent walls he saw a tiny frown begin to form on her lips. It was hard not to be slightly amused since he noticed she took a conscious effort to never show negative emotions.

He sighed, walking over to her fridge and opening it. He found nothing but a bottle of sake and, oddly enough, a straw. When he glanced back up at her with a raised brow, she looked oddly rueful, as if lamenting that her bad habits had been discovered.

"Seriously?" he asked, the amusement felt slightly foreign, but it escaped in his voice.

"I have food pills," she said, trying to regain her dignity as she straightened her posture and nonchalantly leaned up against the wall next to the bathroom door.

Kakashi placed his face into his palm, leaning against the refrigerator as he forced the words from his lips with obvious discomfort. "You need to eat." He never liked questioning other people's routines or getting involved with another person's problems, so forcing out the words ended up sounding more strained and annoyed than he expected.

She didn't look remotely offended, especially since he had suspicions that the girl didn't get angry at anything. This was rather refreshing since he was used to overly emotional people in his life and occasionally welcomed her dry humor that was occasionally childish.

"I suppose you're right," she mumbled, as walked to one of the cabinets next to his head. It was, of course, empty of anything but a bottle of food pills. When he saw them he almost groaned before he forced himself to grab them from her hands with a speed that made her slightly jump.

"I mean real food, Anomie. Living off food pills is dangerous," he said slowly, as if she were a child.

"I adjusted the dosage. It doesn't leave me too exhausted after three days," she stated, but sighed when she saw he didn't budge. "I suppose we should go to your place then and get cozy with a nice onigiri."

Obviously either not understanding the joke or not caring, he grabbed her wrist and body flickered. His apartment was ironically in the same building, one floor higher; which he suspected Minato had assigned purposefully in attempts to add familiarity in his life. He didn't believe the coincidence that her apartment's balcony could be directly below his.

"Honestly unnecessary," came her soft voice as they appeared in his kitchen. His apartment was bigger than hers and was remarkably less depressing.

"Shut up," he muttered, going into his fridge and pulling out an onigiri. She glanced at it for a moment before grabbing it and nibbling the tip as she wandered around his apartment. He sighed, watching her fingers trail against the small table next to the couch. He found himself watching as she flicked off a tiny bit of dust. It wasn't often that he saw actual emotions cross her face, so he found himself slightly annoyed when he saw obvious judgment flicker over her once complacent expression.

He shook his head, walking past her and laying against the couch in all his laziness with his arm over his face.

"What's this?" He heard her murmur before he heard the tiniest sound of a book opening, filling his ears with the rattling of paper as she made no effort in concealing the sound of pages turning. His eyes immediately widened as he sat up and saw her using one hand to hold the small, blue book that had the tiniest signs of wear. "I thought you threw this away?" Her voice held the smallest traces of amusement that he was sure most people would have missed as she held the erotic novel in her hands.

"..."

"And look at that, the binding is creased. I thought you didn't read filth."

"I didn't read it."

He knew the excuse was flimsy, but his tone was clipped, if not embarrassed.

"It's okay. You are a growing boy," now her tone was riddled with wry amusement that anyone could have picked up on, and it only succeeded in pissing him off.

"Shut up."

"I understand you have your urges."

"Shut up." His voice was slightly stronger, but he couldn't fully block out his embarrassment as he walked over to her and attempted to nonchalantly grab his book.

"This is why I bought this for you," she continued, with no plans to stop as she took a step back and mockingly held the book out of his reach.

"Anomie."

"Now, now, this is natural behavior for boys your age. It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she was officially struggling not to smile, which, under any other circumstances he would have welcomed.

"Anomie," he reached for it again, sacrificing his dignity for the book he was nearly finished re-reading.

"Don't worry, Kakashi," she said, jumping back and taking a small bite of her onigiri as she flipped open the book to his page. "I won't tell anyone. It's your secret."

"Anomie," he was in front of her before she could blink, the book in hand until he realized just how close he had flickered towards her.

"I do believe there's a scene in there like this," she mused, her face unaffected by the close proximity as she curled her fingers around the material of his flak jacket, just over his chest. Obviously, this was so he couldn't get away, but the very mentioning of the scene from the book made his head begin swarming with images.

"Anomie," he once more repeated.

She let out an uncharacteristic giggle as she took a tiny bit from her onigiri before stepping away.

"I'm very happy you actually found use for my gift," she murmured as she walked past him to the couch, sitting on the ground with her back to the rough cushions. He noticed she sounded almost genuine and he slipped the book into his pocket when she wasn't looking.

"I...skimmed it," his wounded pride made the sentence fall out in hesitance as he slumped against the spot near to her on the couch cushions. She didn't call out his lie and instead continued eating until the onigiri was gone. The quiet silence was peaceful and when he glanced over, he saw her head resting against the back of the couch as her breathing began to slow into a calm and soothing rhythm.

Her face was clear of amusement and emotion, and he found that it didn't look much different from her default expression. Even when she was sleeping, her posture never relaxed and her face never managed to give the impression of peace.

It was hard not to make the comparison to the girl and him, and for once he saw a glimpse of what Minato had been talking about. If this was what he looked like, then it was no wonder people kept trying to ask him what was wrong. When the cat mask covered her face, it was difficult to see that she was a human underneath.

Her body didn't move or so much as twitch when she slept, but he found his fingers lightly brushing against the pale skin of her cheek and down a couple strands of her white hair. It was out of its braids, which was a rare sight that his eye rested on as the morning sun began to finally brighten out his window.

The moment he tore his hand away and dropped it to his side, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes in a mirror position to hers. Slowly he turned his head back towards her so his masked cheek was resting flat against the cushion and opened his eye before it widened when he saw her cheek against the very same cushion and staring at him.

Any other time he might of made an excuse, but he didn't bother as their gaze pierced through each other.

It was okay for now.

The silence wasn't as deafening as it once was and they both didn't dare to move.

Her gaze wasn't cold. It wasn't happy. It wasn't embarrassed. Although, it wasn't blank either. There was something there that he couldn't quite place, but he finally admitted that she wasn't as stoic as he had once assumed.

Ah. He found himself thinking and, as if she came to the same realization, her lips slightly parted.

It was loneliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Kakashi and Anomie's relationship is developing now to the point of sort of understanding each other. Although, I doubt Kakashi will ever fully understand Anomie's future actions, so I hope to bring them as close as I can so as to knock them down. Right now, I think his attraction to her is purely physical, because he's never really been around a girl as...uh...sexual as Anomie. It's kind of hard not to sexualize her sometimes because she sometimes unintentionally leading boys on with her body language. Years of prostitute training, ya know?
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is names after the flower Shiro no Hyashinsu (白のヒヤシンス). It is a Hyacinth, more particularly, a white one. 
> 
> And a white one (the one I'm using) is: unobtrusive loneliness, I'll pray for you
> 
> Now, someone PM'ed me about Anomie's zodiac, and I think I mentioned she's an Aquarius, but maybe not. She's an Aquarius, born on February 6th. I think it's kind of fun assigning zodiacs to my characters cause it gives a bit more depth. Aquarius in particular fits her, and if you know a little something about Zodiac signs, I think you'd agree. 
> 
> In their personal lives Aquarians tend to settle for a somewhat peaceful life. However, they often don't get emotionally attached to their relationships. They can settle for a relationship even it lacks in sensitivity and ardor. Aquarians are intelligent and quick witted, which attract others towards them. They can pick up things really fast.
> 
> Characteristics are Witty, Clever, Creative, Unique, Obstinate, Mocking, Rebellious, Indifferent.
> 
> They can become uncaring to others and are often deemed as unemotional. They can get into a relationship without really getting involved in it. Aquarian women are sensual and feminine. They are gifted with beautiful appearance. They might not be afraid of taking the leading role in a relationship and can be provoking.
> 
> They also have a tendency to isolate themselves and close everyone out, and then turn around and wonder why they feel alone or that nobody is in their corner.
> 
> See, zodiacs are pretty fun and you'd be surprised how well your zodiac reveals about yourself. .


	11. Shiragiku

CHAPTER TEN  
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–•–

HE HAD GROWN WEARY OF WATCHING HER WASTE AWAY AS IF SHE WANTED TO live so little, eat so little, and then ultimately disappear. Still, when Kakashi invited the rather selfish girl into his home the first time, he didn't mean for it to turn into a multiple occurrence. He didn't mean for it to become part of their routine and he especially didn't mean for his eyes to naturally search the room and find her gazing out his window from his couch with her arm lazily perched against the cushions the moment he walked into the apartment.

They didn't see each often outside of these moments, as it was a rare occurrence for them to be teamed up together in missions. However, he was able to notice that her body gained a bit of its lost color.

A couple times when he walked in his kitchen from a long sleep to find her sitting, lazily eating a cold onigiri with her butt propped up on his counter and he just walked back in his room. The fact that she was able to enter his apartment and not wake him up was actually impressive, but he naturally assumed that she either body flickered or slipped under the door crevice like smoke.

He ruled out the latter because he was fairly certain that she would be naked if she had.

"Morning," she greeted, lazily nibbling on an onigiri. He was slightly annoyed, especially since he knew she could cook for herself as Rin had often times liked to talk about the white haired roommate.

His hair was messy, and while his mask securely covered his lower face, his Hitai-ate was nowhere to be seen so his scarred eye was uncovered, but closed. It wasn't often that he appeared so unkempt in front of her, and he noticed her raise a thin brow as her eyes ran up his body and rested on his hair.

"So it is natural," she murmured, blinking at the scowl from underneath his mask.

"Anomie," he warned, and she gave him a wry smile as she held the onigiri in her small fingers. He was tempted to walk back into his room and sleep away the day.

"I always thought you styled your hair," she said, her voice low as she hopped down from the counter and landing light on her feet.

He shot her a small glare that obviously didn't have its desired effect. "What are you doing here?"

"I got hungry."

"You know...when I said you should eat, this isn't what I had in mind."

She only shrugged finishing off the onigiri and walking past him before stopping altogether and glancing at his hand where a small orange book rested. Before he could process her gaze, she lightly grabbed his wrist. Her fingers were cold, and made him stiffen at her oddly gentle grip before he saw her gaze glance towards the title of the book, her eyes swimming with amusement. He immediately felt like banging his head repeatedly into a wall.

She obviously recognized the title and when her eyes met his he saw her lips actually struggle not to smile. "I do believe that this isn't the same book I had given you."

"...shut up," he said, but even he knew it was lame.

"I knew you would begin acting like a boy someday."

"That's rather rude."

"You are man now. Would you like to have the talk?" Her voice grew more mocking the more she spoke, causing his frown to deepen.

"You're pissing me off," he stated, but there was no real anger in his voice as she let go of his wrist.

"Don't worry, Kakashi, I will always be here if you need a helping hand," he wasn't sure if she was joking.

"W-What?"

"What?"

"S-Shut up."

Her laugh ended the topic as she walked towards the door where her shoes rested. She slipped them on with a blank face that held none of its previous amusement.

"Where are you going?" He found himself asking and she blinked.

"Mission."

He didn't really care, but he asked anyway, "What kind?"

He noticed, however brief and fleeting, her eyes clouded with reluctance that made his attention narrow on her. She quickly evened her expression and adjusted her boots. "...Seduction and espionage."

"I see," his blank voice immediately made her eyes rest on his figure and her head tilted to the side, her hair in two braids before she placed her Anbu mask over her face. Koneko stared back at him and any trace of the smiling Anomie that had been happily stealing his food had suddenly vanished as if she never existed at all.

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She could tell that Namikaze Minato had been very uncomfortable from the moment she had walked into his office and up until the moment he had explained her the mission's objective. It wasn't a real secret of her prior occupation and the rumors of her promiscuity had worked its way around the Anbu ranks, so she wasn't surprised when she was assigned the mission. She wasn't shocked or angry or humiliated.

All she needed was her objective and a name.

She wasn't humiliated when she opened her Anbu locker to a small note that had the words 'whore' written in bold script. She was only slightly surprised that bullying even existed among Anbu comrades, but she supposed something like this was to be expected. She was young and didn't really earn her position like the rest of them. To them, she was given special consideration that they deemed she didn't deserve.

It was only human nature to be jealous or envious, but she figured many of the female Anbu should be grateful since seduction missions were so unpopular among the ranks. Especially since the amount of men far outmatched the women.

Having spent a year and half with the Anbu forces, she doubted half the women in there could make even a puppy love them. Most of the Anbu had the social skills of a hermit crab.

By the time the fifth night ended, her body was covered in moonlight seeping through the window. A strong arm rested over her bare stomach as gentle eyes stared into hers while his fingers ran circles over her skin. He wasn't too old, but he was definitely nowhere near her age of 16, not that he knew that as she had always had the looks of a girl older than her age. Training and aerobics had long since gotten rid of any of her baby features, but she supposed she had never managed to look her age.

The way he was looking at her, as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, made her stomach feel like it was filled with rocks, but she did her duty and trailed her fingers down his tan skin.

Not long ago, three Jounin were taken down while on a mission to deliver official documents from Konoha to Suna, obviously hired by the man on top of her, Yamaguchi Hisuo. Her mission was to find them, and Hisuo had a reputation of having a very unattractive wife along with rumors of many secret mistresses.

Getting him to want her was simple enough. He liked girls innocent, untouched, and submissive. She played the part well, as it was often a popular request among men who held none of those similar qualities.

"Where did you get these tattoos?" His question was soft as he trailed his lips up the small kanji seals over her arms. Her Anbu mark had been covered by Genjutsu, but she left the others to add an air of mystery.

His lips kissed against her skin and she forced a childish giggle. "I'll tell my secret if you tell me one of yours." Her tone was playful, daring, but innocent and she could immediately recognize the tiny glimmer of amusement and lust that clouded his eyes when he met her stare.

"What kind of secret?" he asked, his voice smooth as he trailed his lips over her chest. She made sure to keep up her smile, even though her stomach dropped as he pressed his lips over her collarbone. She giggled, as if his touch made her sensitive.

However, it didn't make her feel anything.

"A personal one," her voice came out in a whisper as her pale leg, bare and naked, escaped the cover of the blankets. "Something you have never told anyone."

The moment his amused gaze met her childlike eyes, his secrets spilled, one after another.

In the span of two nights, she practically knew everything about him.

In the span of two nights, he even began talking about leaving his wife for her. It was laughable that a man would give up his entire life for a pretty face and flattering lies.

On the fourth day, she had the documents and his corpse lay wrapped in blankets.

She slipped from the bed, her body covered in blood and she glanced out towards the large window as she paid no mind to the corpse in the bed with eyes wide in fear. She leaned her head against the window seal, paying no mind to her naked body as she curled her legs into her chest, before her body lost form and turned to smoke.

The moment her form was corporeal once more, she was standing. She activated one of the seals on her arm and in a cloud of smoke, her body was dressed once more as the storage seal turned inactive.

The blood remained on her skin from under her clothes, but she wore it like battle wounds as she closed her eyes, feeling oddly morbid as the smell of blood and rot filled the room.

Perhaps this was what she was good at and this was all she'd ever amount to. This thought ran through her mind, making that hidden desire flicker away and die. There was once a hopeful and naïve idea that if she trained and got stronger, she could be more than just a courtesan.

She supposed it didn't matter and suppressed that bitterness before it could suppress her. Hatred was weakness. Anger was weakness. Jealousy was weakness.

And yes, love was weakness too.

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By the time she managed to make it back to Konoha, back to her empty apartment, and back to the dark bathroom, she turned into smoke causing her clothes to pile at her feet. She turned corporeal again and walked, naked and bloody and dirty, into the shower. She made sure to turn the water scathing hot, letting the water turn her skin red as it burned into her hair and poured the blood into the drain. The water swept it away from her body, and she stared because there was just so much.

The Hokage had not been in when she went to turn in the documents and she was forced to trust them to a senior member of Anbu before body flickering into her apartment. According to the rumors of Anbu, Kushina was pregnant and considering the woman held a demon sealed in her red haired body, apparently being close to labor meant risks that required a good percentage of Anbu black ops and the Hokage himself.

She hadn't been assigned with any duty to protect the Hokage's wife, so naturally other Anbu missions had recently fallen on her shoulders at an almost alarming rate. Her previous one-week vacation was obviously a one-time thing.

It didn't help that rumors had begun to spread about her, outside of the usual, childish, insults of her being promiscuous.

She shut her eyes and felt smoke rise from her body and fill the shower with a thick cloud as steam covered every crook of the room. She forced the smoke to return to her flesh moments laster.

By the time she turned off the water, seeing became impossible and if she hadn't been familiar with her bathroom then she might have tripped.

Instead, she only wrapped a towel around her body and wiped a bit of the misty cover of water off the mirror. She leaned in close and saw a tiny scratch mark over her neck, where Hisuo had desperately fought to live, even though she had thought she killed him before it could happen. The injury was right above her collarbone and just over a couple of love bites that covered a good portion of her neck.

She traced her fingers over them, her face blank as she shook her head and walked out of the bathroom. She quickly changed her clothes before walking out to the balcony of her apartment. She leaned over the railing, letting the night's air run through her damp white hair as she dangled her arms over the edge.

A part of her mused over the idea of getting sick, but she didn't have time to muse long when a voice from above her interrupted her thoughts.

"So you're back," Kakashi stated, and she turned so her back was against the railing and her face was pointing up where Kakashi was lazily reading his 'Icha Icha Paradise' book, ironically written by Jiraiya. She would never admit to said man that the storyline and erotic scenes weren't so bad. She would also never risk inflating the man's ego by telling him that she had already preordered the latest issue.

But she had been correct in assuming that only about 20 percent of what he observed went into the Toad Sage's books.

"Seems so," she agreed, closing her eyes. "It went well. A nice adventure."

"Hmm."

"Is that judgment I hear?"

"Many members of Anbu will eventually partake in this kind of mission. No need to judge," he said, and she heard him turn a page as wind brushed against her skin, making her want to float away with it into the sky.

"Espionage is a standard rite of passage," even though she said that, they both knew espionage wasn't want he meant. She briefly wondered if he heard rumors that had been increasing around Anbu, but she doubted he would ever say much considering half of the Shinobi in Anbu called him Nakamagoroshi no Kakashi. Name-calling had never been her thing, so she stayed out of all the taunts and humor-less mentions of Kakashi killing Rin.

If anything, the reminder had began to make resentment grow in her chest before she repressed it.

"Any injuries?" he asked, even though she did have an obvious bandage on her neck.

"Mostly my pride...I got cocky," she admitted the last part rather lowly, but he no doubt caught it with his dog-like hearing. "Got any food?"

"I'm starting to think you've been using me for a free meal," Kakashi's tone was surprisingly mocking, and she opened her eyes to see his lazy stature resting both elbows against the railing with a good amount of distance between the railing and his body.

"It's so convenient," her voice grew light, less dry than usual. She stood straight and jumped onto the railing, using her Chakra to stick her feet on the thick poles before jumping to his balcony. Her damp hair fell over her shoulders as she nonchalantly used her towel to dry it. "I hear you are one of Kushina-sama's personal guards."

Kakashi shrugged, closing his book and placing it in the pocket of his jacket as he watched the girl from the corner of his eye, his eyes resting on the bandage over her neck before he noticed the tiniest of skin blemishes. They were red and slightly fading but when she saw where he was looking he noticed she used her hair to cover the obvious love bites.

Anomie wasted no more time and walked into his apartment, feeling Kakashi follow and lay down on the couch while she raided his refrigerator. It was difficult not to notice that he had more food than usual with the amount to feed two people instead of one. To save him his dignity, she made sure to not bring it up as she grabbed an onigiri before walking over to the couch and leaning over so her form hovered over his and her chest hung just over his head. He slowly opened his eye while her hair hovered a couple centimeters over his face.

"Thank you," she whispered, and his form visibly froze. Her polite behavior was slightly out of place, and surprised him. Anomie had to admit that thanking someone had always been difficult, and was even more difficult when she was genuine about it.

"It's just rice," he muttered, turning on his side so he could no longer see her face. Her lips spread into a thin smile as she body flickered in front of him and slowly sat on the ground so her back leaned up against the couch, in front of his stomach while she nibbled on the rice.

She didn't speak for a long while, and his eyes rested on her bare arms, covered in seals that he hadn't seen before. They had the markings of storage seals and he raised an eyebrow at the ingenious of it. Her arm was covered in seals, but they weren't the tattoo that caught his attention. Her damp hair had parted over the back of her neck, revealing a pronged tattoo that was the common sign of an Oiran.

His fingers absentmindedly hovered over it, and he noticed her entire form stiffened and her hand slapped over the back of her neck. By the time she removed it, hair was covering the marking once more.

"Is this why there are rumors about you?" He asked, and she glanced over to him from over her shoulder before pursing her lips.

"Must be." Her voice came out slightly strained before light and unchanged as before. "It's not like I've had the time to whore my body to passing clients and Anbu." Her chuckle almost startled him, as she stood up, finishing off the onigiri before turning towards him. "What's say we train?"

"You just got back from a mission."

"Training is better than sleep."

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Once upon a time, Anomie had briefly wondered just how much stronger Kakashi was from her. After around 20 training spars and five months later, her answer was obvious as he all but tore her body into the ground.

Standing up from the crater they had made in the ground, she felt her back pop as she weakly stood up before falling on her hands and knees.

"You should take a break," he suggested, and she held up her palm to silence him before she stood up and wiped off the dust from her body.

"Nah. One more time. If I can pin you down, then I win," she suggested, and he sighed as he began to realize that the girl in front of him was far more competitive than he had once initially assumed.

It also turned out, he would find that day, that she was willing to do anything to win against him. Most of her antics didn't work, such as the surprise of her bitch slapping him until he stumbled back. While it had successfully caught him off guard, he had swiftly managed to catch himself before she could do more.

What had managed to make her win were her lips, pressed tightly against his with only his mask to break off complete contact. His body stumbled back after she tripped him, and she managed to pin him underneath her smaller frame before she finally separated her lips from his face.

"I win." Her voice was free of arrogance, and he was much too stunned to think of a good reply.

"That was...cheating," came his weak reply as he felt his own kunai press against his neck. Later he would reprimand himself for allowing her to steal his weapon.

"A loss is a loss," she said simply, her lips spreading in a wry smile that didn't look very innocent.

His cheeks were tinted red and he body flickered out from under her, using his free hand to make the hand signs. He landed weakly to his feet, his back to her as he pressed his fingers to his mask.

"Are you mad?" she asked. "That wasn't your first kiss was it?"

If he hadn't been mad before, he would be now when he turned to scowl at her. "Anomie."

Her laugh broke the tension. "Don't be such a prude. Tell you what. I'll never kiss you again," she said, and when she saw that his glare hadn't disappeared, she pursed her lips standing up with a leap as he took a step towards him. "Unless you ask me to."

He soon realized that snapping at her wouldn't make a difference, so he settled for merely rubbing his temples and making his voice bitter. "Well, we still have the night off, so I'm going to go home."

"Instead of that, let's get something to eat. I'm a little tired of onigiri," she suggested, and he sighed, deciding to humor her.

However, he immediately regretted humoring her as he felt her stare in the corner of his eye as he attempted to eat his udon in peace. He could already recognize her curiosity at what was underneath his mask, and her attempt to take a peak was not unlike many of the others who had done the same.

"You know, I'm less curious of what's under the mask and more curious as to why you wear it at all," she stated, and he noticed that she still hadn't touched the udon, but the rice had been devoured clean.

"It's a tragic story," he replied, taking out his book. As months passed, it had become easier to not care who saw him read it.

"Oh?" She leaned in, obviously intrigued.

"It happened many years ago, on a mission with my mother. Ninja from Kiri pulled a surprise attack that cost my mother her life, and me a scar across my face. Ever since then, I've worn a mask."

"..." Anomie's face became unreadable as her eyes stayed focused on the man who nonchalantly turned a page in his book. "That is quite tragic."

"I'd prefer you not repeat it."

"I wouldn't go around to gossip on a story you pulled out of your ass," she mused, taking a bite of her udon and a grimace of disgust immediately stole her expression.

"It could be true."

Anomie shoved the udon to the side and focused on eating the pork dumplings instead. "You are so full of shit..."

But by the time her eyes went back to Kakashi's form, his food was gone and his mask was still in place.

As he met her gaze, taking notice to the way her eyes slanted into crescents as she smiled, and then she spoke again, "But I like that about you."

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Their dash to the front of the gates was silent and swift and by the time they got there Tadashi was already standing there, doing squats.

They decided not to question it as they headed out, their bodies all disappearing in a flicker, and this time Anomie didn't land in a dumpster, which was a step up she supposed as usually long distance Shunshin for her went terribly wrong.

With a soft thud, her feet landed on thin branches, her heels cupping into the wood as she jumped to the next one. She could vaguely feel Kakashi and Tadashi's Chakra from behind her, but she didn't slow down, knowing at least one of them would catch up.

The bear had never been very fast, but could gain a momentum of speed in a fight and he was quick to the kill. She hadn't fought alongside him very often, since they had been in completely different divisions of Anbu, but Minato had started to pair up different skillsets in one team. She had seen few of Kakashi's skillsets, especially since most of their missions didn't require much contact with each other.

They all had been debriefed separately for their mission, which was one of infiltration and annulation. The Daimyo who had been selling secrets to Kumo had finally been found and secrets of Konoha had been compromised, so no one really knew who in his faction knew what. The mission was rather straightforward. Kill everyone and burn the small village to the ground. It was dirty business, but it wasn't Anomie's first.

She almost wondered if it would be Kakashi's first real assassination, since sometimes Anbu weren't allowed to risk letting even the innocent ones live on the fear of them not being innocent later on. It was a sad fact, and she doubted Kakashi had it in him to kill a child. Interrogation was annoying and sometimes pointless business that was not usually done out in the field. Murder was more final, and in the end, many murders kept the people safe.

But as she remembered Kakashi's hands, scrubbed clean of some kind of imaginary blood, Anomie began to wonder if this kind of life would be good for him. She doubted it would heal the stain that his comrade's deaths left on him, but after all the rumors she had heard on his skill, she didn't doubt that he would be able to hold his own.

She came to an abrupt halt, waiting for the other two to catch him. They all stopped on close branches, and she slowly turned to them.

Tadashi pulled out what looked to be a haori and the red cloth was slight torn and stained with blood.

"I heard you were a tracker. The village shouldn't be too far," Tadashi held out the haori and Kakashi but his thumb and wasted no more time to summon a small dog that appeared in a cloud of smoke on Kakashi's shoulder. It was a tiny animal, and it probably would have been cute if Anomie actually liked animals, which she didn't.

"Kakashi," the dog greeted, his voice much deeper than she expected. "Pakkun at your service."

"Once we get there, the Daimyo will be carefully guarded," Tadashi explained. "We can't let word get out that Konoha is murdering off a village...no survivors. The Daimyo must die first, and then everyone else. If he gets away, the mission fails."

"I can get close enough to him easily," Anomie stated, and Kakashi glanced her way, barely able to see the hue of dark pink in her eyes, but now that they were in the sun, he saw that they almost looked yellow. She didn't sound particularly bothered by the aspect of using her body, and Kakashi couldn't forget the marking on the back of her neck that he had seen only months ago.

"I did hear he had a thing for beautiful girls," Tadashi said, his voice gruff and calm. "Do what needs be done to get around the guards..."

Anomie nodded, looking all the more expressionless, and made no sound of complaint.

"I'll impersonate the Daimyo and order a genocide of the village. You two make sure the guards don't miss anyone. Worse comes to worse, everyone will believe that the Daimyo is the traitor."

"Ready?" Tadashi asked, and Kakashi slowly nodded. He had to swallow his emotions for his new duty.

He could easily do that...he knew he could.

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By the time the night ended, the village of the Daimyo was up in smoke and Kakashi's tanto was covered in blood. His hands shook as he took the blade out from a woman's neck, hearing the cracking sound of bone and blood, dripping out onto the ground. His mask was covered in blood, and his grey jacket was red. It took everything he had to keep his hand from dropping the blade.

That was when he heard the cries.

His pounding heart had blocked it out at first, but he slowly turned his head at the sound of two children, crying under the bed in perfect view of where he had killed their mother.

The look in their eyes as they stared at him caused his throat to burn as he tried not to vomit. The fear, the confusion, the hatred...

He could feel it pierce through him with such force that he could scarcely breathe. They were begging to live. He could see it in their eyes even if all that came from their lips were sorrowful gasps.

Kakashi raised the blade, watching their eyes widen. They couldn't be more than four years old and the fear made him want to cry, to scream, or to do anything but kill.

He couldn't physically make the move, and he forced his body out of the house, leaving the kids with the mother he had slaughtered in front of them. The moment he exited the house, Anomie jumped next to him and he noticed that her jacket was covered in blood. She didn't look phased as she walked next to him. The black ash that was smeared across her hands told him that she was obviously the one who had set the village on fire. He could see the fire in her eyes and knew of her growing abilities in manipulating flames.

Her head abruptly turned to the house before connecting her eyes with his, which had widened when he saw the realization in her narrowed gaze. Her steps were so quick that he had no time to stop her as she entered the house. He was close behind, but she didn't slow as she took one look to the two children who cried over their mother's corpse.

"You were going to let them live?" Her voice had no judgment as she glanced his way. His answer was obvious.

"They're young...too young," Kakashi replied. "They don't need to die."

"Everybody dies. You can't choose favorites just because you feel like it," her voice was cold, making him freeze as she took a step towards them. "Everyone dies eventually. Death is the only thing we have in common."

"Stop," he ordered when he watched her body flicker behind them, so fast and so cruel as she snapped both the children's necks, letting them crumble to the ground next to their mother.

She glanced up at him, her cat mask still in place as she walked past him, brushing her shoulder against his in a rough manner while he could only stare at the corpses.

"This is what we do," her voice was so cold, that he could hardly believe that she was the same person who had cried over Rin's death, who stole his food, who laughed and who kissed him just to secure a win. He could hardly believe she was even human. "The heroes get the spotlight...and if villains must exist to keep the peace, then that is what we must become. Next time I won't be doing your dirty work."

Her voice was reprimanding, cold, without a trace of mercy and he found himself staring at her and unable to accept anything she was saying.

She looked like she was hesitating to say something else, but she only turned around and left him there.

He saw more explosions from where her body flickered off, and fire rose so hot that he could feel it spread over him.

He felt physically sick as he searched the village for any Chakra signals, finding nothing but Anomie and Tadashi.

Everyone was dead and burning.

A part of him felt like he had burned with them.

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After the rush of burning villages and the feeling of fire making men fall to their knees before her, only then did it all come crashing down on Anomie's shoulders. She felt blood on her hands and when she looked down she saw that her fingers were caked with it. They shivered and her heart hammered as she wiped her hands against her pants and against her torn jacket.

The Daimyo had stunk of fish when he had kissed her. Her henge of a poor runaway had worked in her favor, and seduction had been easy as breathing. She couldn't get the taste of it out of her mouth, and relished the feeling of blood filling her tongue when she had been punched in her stomach.

She could feel Tadashi and Kakashi close by, but she couldn't be bothered to catch up to them. She felt her hands disappear in smoke, before returning form as she stepped away from her emotions.

She could still see the frightened expressions of those children when she closed her eyes, but the pain faded into a dull throb when she opened her eyes.

A part of her was bitter...

She was bitter that Kakashi couldn't finish them off himself, bitter that he had seen her do it, bitter that she had checked if they were there in the first place...and bitter that the feeling of blood was...intoxicating. She felt drunk, at peace and at war. Guilty and happy. The emotion was raw, and she felt her body lose form a mere instant before coming back at full force.

She had to calm down. She knew that.

She had to be heartless...in control...

Or she would die.

The thought made her heart go numb, and in a mere moment her eyes stared at the village as it burned. She could feel the heat from underneath her mask, and she felt at peace.

She felt empty and hollow and it was important that she stayed that way.

The journey back to the village was even more silent and tense than before, and not even Tadashi had the nerve to speak or laugh or do anything but immerse himself in thoughts. Anomie didn't know what went through either of their minds, and didn't care to think about it. All she could picture was water to wash off the blood and to wash off the stench of death that had begun to settle in her skin.

She didn't particularly care about anything else, and her speed and desire got her past the gates of Konoha before her teammates.

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The report to the Hokage made Minato breakdown, despite the necessity of the mission, despite the fact that the Daimyo was going to continue the war that Konoha worked so desperately to end. She supposed it was half because Minato hadn't approved the mission, and the council and a man named Danzo had apparently went behind the Hokage's control. She didn't care for politics, so naturally toned out the comments and discussions.

After that, through Anomie's request, she was assigned away from Kakashi's immediate team indefinitely. She had no problem with her missions, but she doubted Kakashi could last with her way of completing them. But more than that, she didn't want the missions she normally got to be sent his way.

He was a good fighter and his technique was flawless, far above her own, but he was also sloppy and sentimental when it counted. He could take down an army, but paled at a gruesome sight. He had mercy where there shouldn't be, and Anomie didn't want to be the cause of crushing that out from him.

She didn't want to be the one to take his kills so he wouldn't wake up the next morning with a nightmare of blood on his hands.

People who knew each other prior to Anbu should never be on a team together. It creates bias and discontent, both of which she wanted no part of, so she backed away.

But those were just excuses.

She mostly wanted to distance herself from him before he saw any more sides of her...

She needed her mask to stay in place...

And she couldn't accept that she dropped it, for even a moment, an instant, for him to see.

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Kakashi didn't question it when Anomie had been transferred to a different team, and a part of him was slightly relieved that it had come to pass. Another part of him was strangely disappointed before he became sickened by the image of her killing two children in front of him.

His next missions weren't nearly as controversial or gruesome. They didn't make him question everything he had stood for, but he couldn't say that they weren't without sickness.

Team Ro had been changed, but he was the constant on it, although he made sure to keep distance from his teammates. They weren't weak, and they made it easy to take a kill without mercy.

The more missions he went on, the more he was able to understand Anomie's disposition, but at the same time, he had grown even more far away from the answer and months went past before he actually saw her again. She was covered in burn marks and on her neck it looked like someone had scratched into her throat. The scars were desperate, but when he saw her hand in a mission report on the Hokage's desk, she didn't look bothered even though most of her clothes had burn marks that seared into her skin.

Half of her Anbu mask was broken, and the porcelain was in broken chips on the top half of her face. This allowed him to see the top of her head, running down to her eyes.

She glanced his way as she left the office, and he found himself frozen at the door. Her teammates grumbled as they roughly shoved past her, but she didn't look effected when she turned towards him. Her only visible eye was oddly empty, and when she slowly took off her mask, he saw that her face look almost hollowed out. Her cheeks were sunk in, as if she hadn't been eating.

"How embarrassing," she said and her voice light, but the tone of nothing cut through him. "This isn't my best look," she said, smiling even though it didn't reach her eyes. He wasn't that surprised, especially since she had been on mission for months. He doubted anyone would look their best on such a long mission.

"You've made an impression lately," he stated, and saw her face empty of emotion.

Her name had been spreading throughout the ranks as Reikokumujyou, and he had heard rumors of her brutal and inhuman actions to get missions completed. He didn't believe all of them, but watching how her teammates treated her and staring into her eyes, he couldn't doubt them all.

The girl he remembered smiling and placing a flower in Rin's hair was nowhere to be seen.

"Rumors spread," she brushed off the comment as if it didn't bother her.

"Are these ones true?" He didn't know why he asked or why he was curious. He was thought to be ruthless in the field, same as her, but because of his skill and his name and his methods, he hadn't been ostracized. He could tell immediately that she had, and he was irritated when he felt a flash a pity when he saw her.

"You'd be surprised just how much truth comes out of the mouths of weaklings," she stated, and her tone wasn't harsh. It wasn't anything. She let out a sigh, as if it were a complaint as she leaned on one hip. "You'd think they'd be grateful, but everyone needs someone else to blame." He didn't get a chance to reply as she turned her back to him as she slowly waved over her shoulder. "I gotta get a new mask. I'm due for a mission in an hour."

"You just got back," he commented in return and she turned her body slightly to glance his way.

"Are you worried?" Her voice was far more mocking than he remembered, and he found himself wanting to scream at her.

"Do I need to be?" he asked instead, and saw her lips curve into a smile. Of course, he was worried, but he could never tell her that. He could barely tell himself that.

"Never," she said a simple bow of her head, before she turned around and walked away. Her white hair was messy, and he noticed that a bit of it was frayed and burned at the ends. He began to wonder if she really was okay, and an odd feeling settled in his chest as he watched her turn the corner.

He didn't know what the emotion that darted in him was, but it was oddly protective. He swiftly entered the Hokage's office for his mission, wanting to forget Anomie and burn her eyes from his mind.

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Anomie glanced towards the mirror, her eyes wincing as she gently wiped off the blood from her neck. The nail marks still stood out, and she disinfected it as she used the towel to clean the blood.

All her clothes were scattered to the ground, ripped and bloody. She supposed that her arrogance was at fault. She had a feeling she would run out of patience to continuously fix the stupid flak jacket. She had a mind to throw it out since it had always been ugly, but sadly, no one would take her seriously if she only wore a part of the uniform.

Her fingers were bruised and sore, still red from the training sessions and even after she washed the blood from her hands, they were still red and raw. Most of the blood, however, wasn't her own and much of it was dry and caked on her skin.

After traveling for a day, unable to properly wash it out, she felt relieved when she stepped under the warm water of the shower. The heat slightly burned into her injuries but she closed her eyes and embraced the pain while watched the blood mix in with the water to her feet.

Most of the injuries were practically self-inflicted as she overestimated her abilities too much and often time that got her hurt. She sighed, hissing as she brushed her fingers against her skin. She knew half of the reason she continuously got injured was because she was trying to control her abilities. It was more difficult that she thought it would be, but soon enough, she'd be able to turn portions of her body into smoke before they hit her, that way she'd be practically untouchable.

But testing out this ability in mid combat probably wasn't the best move.

By the time she was done and dressed, she reported for her next mission and found that the room was filled with a couple familiar masks of Anbu, and a couple who were less. Saru was among the few, and she slightly felt a tiny desire to wave at him, but suppressed it as she stood by his side and bowed towards the Hokage.

"I want you all to be apart of my personal guard during Kushina's birthing tonight," Minato stated, and Anomie's felt her eyes widen as she stood, side by side with the six other members of Anbu. Her heart felt oddly warm at the thought of being trusted with the Hokage's wife. "Saru. You'll be captain of this team. I trust you to take care of the rotation details." Minato's face was kind, but the stress was clear on his eyes that seemed to have aged beyond his years ever since he became Hokage. "You're dismissed."

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Any warmth she thought she felt for the Hokage had been promptly shoved away in exchange for the pure boredom of the mission. She had expected much more excitement and found herself missing the thrill of the battlefield.

"Try not to look so bored, Koneko-chan," came Saru's pouty voice.

"Bored?" Anomie's voice came out with a twinge of melancholy. "I'm having the time of my life. Tied with the night my village burned down and when I was raped into the ground."

"That was oddly specific."

Anomie shrugged, twirling her silver ponytail onto her finger.

"Do you need to talk?" Saru's tone was oddly specific.

Anomie's eyes rolled back and she adjusted her mask, "Number four."

"Wha?"

"I've just added your sympathetic dribble to my list of worst moments of my life. Right after that movie date I was forced on with Genma and Gai."

"I love you too baby."

"Number five. Wanna hit the next number cause you're about to," Anomie said, her voice chilling a couple degrees cooler.

"That's rather rude. I thought we were bonding," Saru's voice was strained, and Anomie's eyes darted towards him.

"I'd rather bond with a ravenous lion than a stupid monkey."

Saru shrugged, glancing around at the open forest ground that surrounded them. "Are you happy to get a calm mission." His question pulled her out of her stupor and she glanced over at him with her brows raised. Her cat mask tilted with her head as she ran her eyes over his at ease form through the slits in her mask.

"To be honest..." She had thought about lying and making up some bitchy remark about bananas, but decided that Saru of all people deserved more than a made up facade. "I am surprised."

"You've received some of the most unpopular missions, Koneko..." Saru replied with a simple shrug. "Many say otherwise, but I trust you...that's why I wanted you on this mission."

"Do you need a tampon?" she asked with a raised brow, and his lips pulled into a wry grin from under his mask. "Maybe a tutu as well?"

"I still think you need to work on that attitude," Saru mused simply.

"Well, I do hope that you reach puberty eventually, Saru, so balls aren't gonna drop by themselves," she told him, causing him to chuckle.

"That's the last time I try to get sentimental with you," he said, his monkey mask shaking back and forth with his head. She smiled slightly, her heart engulfed by the warmth of his voice.

She opened her lips to reply, but his voice cut off her retort.

"Koneko," Saru's voice broke her out of her thoughts as she glanced his way, cat mask tilting with her head. "Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?" They should have known by now that she wasn't the best sensor, but she struggled through her handicap as she closed her eyes and felt for whatever he had commented on. For a moment she thought she felt something, a flicker of a foreign Chakra unlike any of the six Anbu members stationed around the perimeter, but before she could focus on it, it disappeared. "Is it a threat?"

"I'm not sure. I can't get in contact with Kitsune," Saru stated, as he tried to contact the other members through his radio. "Kitsune? Tora? Fukurō?" His contact of the fox, the tiger, and the owl didn't go through and all that he got in return was static.

"Assume the worst," Anomie said, but he didn't get a chance to reply as a blade tore through his neck. "Saru." She took a step back as a masked man teleported from a swirl of the sky behind Saru. She didn't even notice this until the blade had already pierced Saru's neck. Saru's mask flew off once the straps were broken. For the first time, Anomie was able to see the man's entire face. His eyes were the color of opals, widened in pain and fear. His lips were full and pink, stained red with blood that fell down his chin. His skin was pale, flushed with blood and droplets of moisture that leaked from down his cheeks.

Anomie's heart painfully constricted in her chest. The pain of it made her almost falter as her pulse skyrocketed until she could no longer hear Saru's pained gurgling as he fell to his knees in front of her. Anomie watched as the light left his eyes. It was the first and last time Anomie ever saw this man's face, contorted in fear and apprehension. His muttering had come out weak and she could barely understand him, but vaguely she heard the gurgled cry of, "Ko...neko...Hokage."

The masked man disappeared and Anomie's eyes were wide as she jumped back, using the seals on her palms and bringing out two blades into her hands as she activated them. Her stance was swift, but she couldn't feel enemy Chakra no matter how hard she tried to focus it.

The silence pierced through her as she scanned around the forest, her eyes darting from side to side as she tried to find the enemy. It was like he was gone. Like he disappeared completely off the face of the earth and it terrified her when she felt a flicker of chakra suddenly bubble behind her.

She felt a blade go to pierce her heart. The moment it bit into her skin near her spine, the area around it turned into smoke, making the fetal attack lessen just as it was about to pierce the fatal organ. She fell forward, feeling another blade pierce her shoulder just as the first one exited her body.

Her body hit the grass face first, and she felt the man step over her bleeding form as red dyed into the grass.

She was afraid...

She didn't want to die...

She couldn't die...

But she could feel the killing intent and at that moment she raised her hand up, weak and feeble, and snapped her fingers, igniting a strong and powerful flame that overtook the forest and her body, just as she lost consciousness for a couple seconds of agonizing silence.

Her body turned into smoke, mixing in with the flames as it floated into the distance. Her consciousness faded in and out as she tried to regulate her Chakra to keep from letting the wind rip apart her form.

She left the bodies of Tora...of Kitsune...of Saru...of everyone behind.

She left behind the fire and in her last escaping vision of that place, she felt deep, dark Chakra erupt over the clearing of the perimeter she had been assigned to guard. She knew Minato and Kushina were in trouble, but it didn't matter as she saw her flames washed away with a quick Jutsu.

When her naked form stumbled into the hospital after being tossed from the air as her body turned from smoke to corporeal, nurses and medics swarmed to her side. She coughed, feeling the blood start to pool at her feet as a blanket was placed over her shoulders to cover up her body.

"Take her to surgery!" The words burned into her head, but Anomie wouldn't have it as she grabbed the scruff of clothing around a random medic's jacket and brought it close to her face.

"The Third...Hokage...you must take me to him," she whispered, desperately as she used the blanket to stop the bleeding.

"You're wounded...we have to treat it or you will die," the woman insisted and Anomie growled.

"You don't understand-"

"I'll take her," a man's voice interrupted the voices and her eyes glanced up to see a man who she could barely recognize through blurry vision. Genma rushed to her side, his trademark senbon nowhere around as he held her up.

"She's wounded," the medic insisted, and Genma shook his head.

"Then whatever she has to say must be more important than her injury," Genma glanced towards the half conscious girl before body flickering, and hoping that he was doing the right thing.

By the time they finally made it to the prior Hokage's building, Sarutobi was startled to see a half naked girl bleeding on his carpet. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked, and Anomie met his gaze, her lips pale, her hair messy and caked with blood. Her skin was three shades too pale and she looked like she was fighting back from fainting. It was a rare sight to see her purposefully so unkempt, and immediately the sense of urgency make him stand.

"I was on the team...guarding Yondaime..." Her lips were trembling and it was obvious Genma was the only thing keeping her standing. "...everyone is dead...I...the nine tails...is compromised....I can't...." Her breathing was staggered, and immediately the Sandaime began strapping on armor. "I..."

"It's okay," Genma whispered, but he couldn't keep the fear out of his voice when he thought about what she was implying. "You're safe."

"No...you don't understand...the seal on the nine tails...it was weakening...it will be released any minute."

Anomie's eyes drooped and the last of her strength failed her as her vision faded to blackness.

All she could think about was that she failed...

And that she did what she did best...

She ran away and left corpses behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anomie's true personality is coming out in these new chapters. She's all about self-preservation, and its in dominance with her desire to protect the village. I hope I don't make her overpowered, or Mary-Sue. I mean for her to have her faults, and for them to be of many. She wasn't let into Anbu for her strength, and she knows this so she works hard to keep up.
> 
> Kakashi was in the beginning chapters, and I have big plans for their relationship. As of right now, they are a little too young to be all lovey dovey, and Kakashi's too focused on his Anbu career, and Anomie is too focused on herself.
> 
> Ah, the Shiragiku (白菊) flower. It is a White Chrysanthemum. In Japanese, it represents truth or grief (the most common flower for funerals). In western cultures, it means death and grief. Not too common for funerals, as most give roses and stuff, but still means death.
> 
> Saru is dead to. Anomie's first real Anbu teacher. He was like her mentor I suppose. Bit of a jackass though.
> 
> Obito's a bitch to, but I don't think he really knew nor cared who any of the masked Anbu ninja were, so it's cool.


	12. Suisen

CHAPTER ELEVEN  
____________  
–•–

THE CLOUDS IN THE SKY HAD CREATED A GLOOMY MOOD OVER KONOHA, but it was the wind that felt ominous slashed his skin, making Kakashi glance up towards the clouds that spread thinly across the horizon that was concealing the setting sun by an array of trees. If not for Gai's insistence on his company, Kakashi was certain that there were other things he'd rather be doing.

He, for one, was still slightly bitter that he wasn't chosen to guard Kushina during the birth tonight, but Minato had been swift to ask his input on who should be there and who shouldn't. He could still remember the sick feeling that settled in his stomach when Minato suggested Anomie to be one of the Anbu guards, forcing Kakashi to remember her hands wrapping around the thin necks of two children and snuffing out their lives in a brief moment.

"I don't think she's right for the responsibility," Kakashi could vaguely remember saying this before he had watched Minato's gaze become pointed and unreadable. Kakashi knew that his sensei did everything for a reason, but he didn't fully understand what that reason could be in Anomie's case.

He supposed her abilities were strong and the way she could possess someone's mind in an instant was useful, but Kakashi was unable to forget how thin and brittle those two boy's necks were when she snapped them. A person like that, to him, couldn't be held responsible for the life of Kushina or her child. He didn't believe that Anomie was inherently evil or sadistic. He didn't know what she was, but her presence felt like fire, and one small spark in the right setting could burn everything down.

He sighed, trying to rid Anomie from his thoughts, but her face lingered behind with such force that he couldn't pry her away even as he gazed out into the sky as a dangerous Chakra began to soar through his bones. He could feel its intensity and it made his heart pound in his chest as Gai's chatter came to a halt while the green suited man stared uncharacteristically serious out into the far distance.

In those few nights, Kakashi wondered if he should have fought harder to get Anomie off the squad of Anbu because none of them made it out alive.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"I brought you flowers," came Genma's voice as he entered the stoic girl's hospital room. It had been two and a half weeks after the Kyuubi attack and that amount of time was what it took for Genma to strike up the time to visit the injured girl's bedside. When he opened sliding the door open with flowers draped across his arm, his eyes met with the Anbu who stood guard outside the door. The man's mask was that of a falcon, but other than that he had no recognition of who that person was, as was the case with most Anbu besides Kakashi.

Genma doubted he would even know that much if it wasn't for Gai's excessive speeches during one of the many undesired sparring matches.

Anomie didn't look his way, as she was far too busy zipping up the front of a sleeveless jacket. She looked to have just finished getting dressed, and because of Genma's increasingly bad luck, he walked in just as she was finished. He supposed the tiny glimpse of cleavage and lace had been the most action he'd gotten in weeks so it wasn't too bad.

She didn't look remotely impacted his presence and her entire disregard for his form taking a step closer didn't make her react.

"You're better?" His question sounded pretty blank, and she was slightly surprised he had held off from flirting with her.

Although, this could be due to the fact that she lost nearly 35% of her blood due to her injuries and she looked deathly pale. Pure willpower and nearly 5 blood transfusions were the only things that kept her standing. Genma only had to look once to notice her slight imbalance. He had a feeling he wouldn't have noticed much difference in her posture and stance at all if it wasn't for his prior memories of her. And the fact that she was a 20 out of 10, so every time she was in eye distance, he would stare.

"They're letting me go," she finally replied after a long pause of Anomie's rather uncharacteristic, and scrutinizing stare. He was used to her dry humor and witty retorts, so finding her so empty was rather strange. She almost immediately adjusted her expression and her eyes lit up with amusement at the flowers.

The action was so fast that he found himself wondering if it was genuine. He didn't focus on the thoughts of doubt as he nodded his head in response.

"Do you need help getting home?" Genma didn't really know why he asked, as being polite and kind without ulterior motives was fairly new to him. Despite this, he found himself remembering her state of weakness the last time he saw her, bleeding all over him as she forced her broken body to stand.

The look she gave him flickered to an emotion he couldn't place, but it steadied with calm amusement. He still couldn't fully tell if she was genuine, but he let it go when she took a step forward and walked around the bed until she gripped the flowers in her hand and lightly pulled them her way.

"My body is weak," she admitted slowly, her eyes flickering away from the flowers and back up to meet his eyes. "But my Chakra is restored. It will suffice."

"Many people thought you died," he informed her, and his eyes met her gaze head on as he watched her expression carefully.

She didn't respond and merely walked past him, her amusement flickered away from her eyes as she forced her legs not to quiver.

Genma sighed once she began to leave, slightly regretting visiting at all and giving into his concerns that brought him here. "If you need someone to talk to, my bed is always open." His amused voice rumbled in a nearly suppressed chuckle just before she opened the door. His usual perverted comment broke the mood that developed between them and he heard her light, almost genuine laugh.

"I'm so out of your league that your comment was almost funny," she replied smoothly, opening the hospital door and not turning back.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie had officially been interrogated out of her ass, making her momentarily wonder if dying would have been simpler. Speaking of a masked man who appeared like that of a vortex with such speed and power to take out seven Anbu elite had been a difficult concept to grasp.

And this was after a Yamanaka prodigy confirmed her story and molested her mind. The council had obviously been piling evidence to blame the Uchiha for the Kyuubi while she had been unconscious for a long while. Her inability to neither deny nor confirm the Uchiha involvement made the future unclear. However, a Jutsu as complex as teleportation was unheard of, even if it did manage to catch her by surprise, causing a blade to slide through her artery like scissors cutting into paper.

By the time she was actually allowed to go home, another week had passed and her interaction with Genma felt like a lifetime ago.

Dying would have been smoother and less stressful, but the desire to live was what made her abandon her comrades and her Hokage. She had tried to make up for her cowardice by informing the Third, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't be able to get rid of the stain on her name.

Her body collapsed against her bed with a bounce as her wide eyes stared into the ceiling. Her thoughts were jumbled and her heart was still pounding in her chest from the palpitation of the blood her body was unable to produce after her stab wound.

With weak and trembling fingers, she settled her palm against her chest. She was still able to feel the sting of a ghost wound that had almost tore through her heart. She knew with absolutely certainty that her bloodline ability had saved her life back then and the prospect of turning individual portions of her body into smoke left her with a growing bit of anticipation.

She'd finally become what she'd always wanted...untouchable.

The sound of a quiet and raspy laughter shook her chest until she covered her face with her palms. It was an eerie sound, bouncing off the walls and almost sounding like soft sobs. For all she knew, she could be crying. Sometimes, she doubted there was much difference.

•

Kakashi had found himself visiting her, briefly after the death of his sensei. It was strange seeing her lying, broken with bandages covering her shoulder and chest with the blanket balled down to her legs. He had seen her sleeping before, and she had always looked so stiff, as if she never moved a muscle. Now, it looked like she fought to remove the blankets from her body.

He didn't know what he felt when he heard that she had survived the attack. His thoughts had been preoccupied with the chaos of the village's losses. His mind had been preoccupied by the last time he had seen Minato, and now that the man was gone, it was like Kakashi's last link to his team had been severed.

Anomie had been his remaining link to Rin, and he didn't know how to handle everything being cut so abruptly in a mere day. So when he had neared her bedside, he wasn't too surprised that his legs gave out and he landed to his knees. Kakashi wasn't emotional, and yet the feeling of relief made his hands tremble as he gripped her deathly pale fingers.

The memory of thinking she was dead haunted him in a way he didn't expect and it certainly piled onto the many deaths that wrecked through the village. Although, he didn't fully care about other people whose graves littered the streets underneath broken pieces of rubble. However, his hatred for the red demon that took two lives from him stung far more than he expected. Kakashi had never been a hateful person, so he pushed it down until it was out of sight because hatred leads good ninja to ruin.

But as he looked to Anomie, his eyes scanning over her injuries, he realized that he only hated himself. He hadn't been allowed to fight or protect anything. Maybe that was what made his knees give out and his weakness to take him over. It wasn't like he knew too much about the girl on a personal level. He didn't know her likes or her dislikes. He didn't know her dreams.

Although, he couldn't say he knew nothing. He knew that when she was sheepish, she pouted as she pulled a piece of hair behind her ear. He knew that she was honest and never mused around the point. He knew that when she smiled, her eyes would halfway close and twinkle as if she knew something everyone else did not. He knew that she hated rice balls, but stole his food anyway. He knew that she dedicated every waking moment to getting stronger. He knew that she was witty. He knew that she was clever and inventive...

He knew that she could detach herself from any situation and easily vilify herself.

Looking at her now, he could almost tell himself that he knew her, even if it was only a little. He knew he felt grief when he learned of her passing and even after the mission that destroyed their 'relationship', he would find himself thinking about her. Not all day. Not even every week. But when she did cross his mind, she burned him like fire, spreading flames over his skin.

When he had heard she had died, he only felt cold.

But as he looked at her face, that minuscule ember leapt into his throat and burned.

He wanted to hear her voice. He didn't want to forget about Rin. About Obito. About Minato. He didn't want to be some lifeless shell with nothing left and he swiftly found that yes...she was necessary...even if she might be able to kill off her own heart, even if she was able to bury each mission and still laugh as if nothing was wrong, even if she hid behind some kind of mask.

He hid behind a mask too.

•

Anomie opened her eyes to darkness, and she began to wonder when she had allowed sleep to overcome her. She had done nothing but sleep these past couple weeks, so she was vaguely surprised her eyes even managed to close.

The sun had begun to set off in the distance, so she figured she couldn't have been out for more than thirty minutes, but it felt good to close her eyes. It didn't last long and she quickly got out of bed, feeling oddly out of character.

She was anxious. She realized it the moment the emotion surfaced and the more she looked around her empty room, the more she mused the idea of burning it to the ground. This feeling slightly scared her, as she had never been overly emotional before.

Her hands reached for the opening of the balcony, and all but threw herself outside. The moment fresh air burned in her lungs, she felt her racing heart begin to calm. She closed her eyes and focused her attention on the small hue of Chakra outside the building. They were mostly small auras, almost non-existent from lack of training and it calmed her down.

Only now did she feel Kakashi's Chakra from above her. It was weak, as if he were concealing it, but she had been around him so much that she knew its texture. She knew its flavor. She knew its feel.

It succeeded in calming her down completely and by the time she opened her eyes, all feeling drifted from her body until she was at peace. She had no desire to know the source of her anxiety; no desire to know its meaning. She wasn't emotional and she couldn't afford to start now.

She heard the sound of the balcony door sliding open from above her. Kakashi's footsteps were soundless, but she mirrored his movement as she walked to the railing.

It was a strange silence. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was mostly weird and just as she began to muse the idea of going back inside, her hand shot out instinctively and caught a white blur just as it dropped from above. She felt slightly confused at her own reaction, but as she looked down onto her palm, she found an onigiri that would have likely been crushed in her grip if the rice hadn't been so undercooked.

Kakashi's food had never been delicious or anything special, but as she looked at the clumsily molded rice, she didn't hesitate to take a bite. It was plain and had nothing special about it, but it was warm...

And she felt something, like warm water sliding down her throat and filling her chest with its heat. It was brief and flickered away, but it ignited a warmth in her body.

It was strange, but that was okay. She needed a little strange in her life.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Ah. Koneko the coward."

"For someone with nine lives, she was afraid to spare even one."

"I see she still landed on her feet, even though the blood of her comrades is on the ground."

Anomie supposed she did see the taunting coming, but nothing could prepare her completely for the whispering. The wound was fresh and every word brought a further sting to her skin. She could tell her new team had no love for her, and they were the very same who called her Reikokumujyou the Coward. In their eyes, she was the heartless craven with no concern of anyone but herself.

And they weren't completely wrong. Perhaps that was what kept her lips sealed as she dealt with the wave of tension when her group interacted with her. She almost wanted to laugh when they hesitated in trusting her to lead the infiltration, as if they were afraid she was going to fail the mission and leave them as bait so she could get away.

They weren't wrong. She could easily leave them behind if events didn't go according to plan. She could and she wouldn't feel bad about it. Maybe she wouldn't feel anything or maybe that was just another lie she told herself like a lullaby before bed.

The target was 8 years old.

They always left the children for her to deal with and then judged her for carrying out the mission. The kid had been a spy in Konoha. That was all she knew. She didn't want to know more. She didn't want to ask. After all, Danzo would never listen listen anyway, and his thumb was above her head on ever new mission that came to her. Some part of her wondered if Danzo had been glad for Minato's death, as his own power tripled before Minato was even buried into the dead ground.

So when she unsealed a katana from her skin and plunged it into his skull, she didn't feel anything.

By the time she reached the Iwa guards, she was in a daze as she slit their throats and watched as the blood soaked through the men's scarfs. They gurgled and it was an eerie sound that made her stare longer. He tried to reach for an explosive tag, and she saw his hand twitch towards his weapons bag as his blood erupted out of his throat in a slow and agonizing death.

She mused the thought of just letting him. Maybe the seal would wipe out her team as well. She'd be left standing of course. Fire would never be her undoing.

Her blade pierced his hand, and her eyes narrowed as she used her foot to crush the bones of his other hand. She could hear the crush and crumbling as if they were as brittle as uncooked ramen. Her lips trembled as she knelt over the man, her head tilting to the side as she dragged the tip of her blade over his skin, making it part over his cheek. She watched as the blood oozed out from the broken skin and hug down to his ear.

It took her a bit longer for her to realize that he was trembling and shaking in fear.

She became curious if she looked scary, but brushed off the thought as she used the tip of her blade and mercilessly cut into his cheek. It sunk into his head from his mouth and to his brain. It was slow, and she could barely hear the screams before she realized that she had chosen a very painful way to kill him.

It took her another moment to realize that she wasn't alone and her mask followed her head as she glanced up to the mask of a dog. For a split second, she grew fearful that it was Kakashi, but came to the next realization that it wasn't.

She didn't give her masked partners anymore of her time as she wiped the blood off her blade, using the dead Iwa nin as a cleaning cloth. Once the blood was gone, she accepted that she'd never be able to run from the rumors on her name. She'd be a monster and a coward in their eyes.

They thought she wasn't good enough to be on Anbu. They thought she received special treatment. They weren't wrong. And when she laid her head into her hands, her form falling into her bed and smearing red onto the sheet, she decided that she might as well become what they called her.

If they all saw a monster when she wasn't trying, she could only imagine what they'd see if she put some effort into it.

The thought didn't make her feel any better and she wasn't certain how long she sat up, covered in blood. It wasn't until she felt a damp cloth wiping her forehead did her blurry vision free itself.

She didn't know how blood got under her mask, but when she saw the damp white cloth dyed red, she stopped caring. Kakashi remained indifferent as he gently wiped the blood off her cheeks. His face was impassive, but there wasn't much she could do to read him when he covered most of his face in a mask.

"Why?" She didn't really know what she was asking, but with him kneeling in front of her, she couldn't help but ask. His eye met hers and she searched for an answer, coming out with nothing. He covered his emotions easily and she began to wonder if she succeeded in doing that as well, although she remained doubtful with the upheaval and pure pandemonium that remained in the ruins of her life.

"I felt your Chakra..." he slowly answered as he grabbed her hand. She barely remembered tearing her palm through an enemy's chest. She wore fingerless gloves, so some of her wasn't covered in blood.

She was uninjured at least. Her bloodline ability had proved to make her untouchable to brute contact. She had nearly perfected it so she could never end up in her prior state of weakness.

"I was...worried," he finally said, his voice coming out with an odd kindness.

She stared into his eye before her shoulders slowly relaxed. The moment Kakashi saw her once tense form ease, he felt his own nerves evaporate to some distant corner as he tucked a bit of her loose white hair behind her ear before gently dabbing the cloth on her neck.

Her skin was milky white underneath the blood and having an excuse to touch her so much was making his fingers oddly tingle as they lightly traced her cheek as he moved her hair from restricting him. He was never one to be too interested in women as he grew up, but he couldn't stop the strange feelings from surging underneath his skin when he accidentally allowed his fingers to trace her neck.

It felt like fire was rushing through him at a temperature that burned him. He almost wanted to speed the entire process and finish wiping the blood away so he could leave. Although, the dominant part of his body glued to this woman and he didn't want to go anywhere. Odd thoughts sprang into his head as he avoided her eyes.

For the first time in many months, he remembered the feeling of her lips brushing over his from over his mask. Of course, this had been an obvious and sadly successful ploy to win a battle. He had attempted to forget it happened, since something like that obviously didn't mean anything to Anomie. He could tell the moment her confident gaze had met his that a kiss was nothing to her.

It didn't do him well for his ego to be the only one hung up on a trick of skin, but now that he was so close to her face again, he couldn't stop his mind from wondering. He slightly blamed this on one of the many books Anomie had sent to his door, but his hands were extra gentle when he removed the remaining blood from her lips. He could feel them sink from underneath the material as he traced his cloth-covered thumb over her bottom lip.

Her eyes met his and he suddenly felt like she was looking right through him. She was scrutinizing him, and he quickly buried any emotions he had at that moment of weakness. He didn't want her to know that her close proximity was making his skin burn with a desire he wasn't used to having because he didn't understand them in the first place.

When she leaned in closer, her lips almost brushing against his ear, he thought she was going to whisper something cold and intentionally hurtful. Instead she rested her forehead against his shoulder. He still held the damp and bloody cloth in his hands, unsure of what to do with his hands now that her body had gotten closer to his without warning.

A part of him mused the idea of standing up and leaving the situation. Although, somewhere in his gut he knew that if he left now she'd never show a weakness to him again. Anomie had never looked so vulnerable except the night she cried in his arms in Rin's old apartment. Besides that day, Kakashi doubted she ever took the time to cry or so much as chip the stone in which she surrounded her body. Kakashi didn't notice her vulnerability back then because he had been battling his own. Although now, as she rested her head in the crook of his neck, he realized that he was letting the defenses he worked so hard to build fall at his feet.

The walls around him came crashing down as he rested his palm slow and flat against the middle of her back. Her body was like a magnet, ready to pull him in. He never noticed before just how hypnotic she was as she silenced his thoughts. All his grief over losing his sensei drifted away as she slowly dragged her hand onto his chest.

His body twisted towards her, the strange craving for her touch filled his mind so loudly that he began to wonder if she could hear it. He was slightly ashamed to be having these notions so soon after she recovered. Although this didn't last long as all coherent thoughts drifted away when her hand rested against his neck and her other gently gripped his free palm.

Kakashi could hear his heart race, and no amount of control would slow it down when her ear rested against his neck. He was certain she could hear it, but Anomie had always been fairly tactful, so she didn't say anything. He realized, in that instant, in that fleeting moment, that his mind was filled with the serendipity of her embrace. He wanted to hold her, to crush her in his arms until everything broke. It was a feeling so violent that he had to forcibly push it away until his fingertips dug into his palms so tight that it caused his palms to bruise.

His nostrils were filled with the honeydew scent of her hair. It was sweet, almost too sweet, but it drew him in as if he was a moth to a flame. It was pure, fleeting willpower that kept him from embracing her, and his control nearly broke when her fingers dug into his back.

Almost as quickly as the contact started, she stood up so he was face first with her stomach. She placed a hand on his shoulder and walked past him, shedding off her clothes as she walked to the bathroom. Kakashi caught a brief glimpse of her naked back and seals running up her arm before she disappeared behind a closed door.

Anomie glanced down at her hand with wide eyes as soon as the door restricted Kakashi's vision of her. She wasn't sure what happened or why her body made up its own mind on how she'd move. She felt his touch under her skin and when she looked into his troubled gaze she knew what she saw. Anomie was trained to recognize desire when she saw it, but she never expected Kakashi to look at her that way. She never really saw Kakashi as a 'man' before.

He had always just been the boy Rin wouldn't shut up about. He'd always just been that boy she'd make fun of in the food stall. He'd always just been Koinu, the man behind the dog mask who'd help her train.

And seeing him as any different had been unthinkable, so when she saw that raw emotion her body worked on its own as it fell in with the motions of an Oiran. It was like she became an actress playing a part. If she hadn't heard his heart racing so hard, she doubted she would have snapped out of her stupor.

She wasn't certain what she would have done, but she could have guessed. Her body hardly felt like it belonged to her from her long years of selling it. This all must of taken a larger toll on her psyche than she expected. Anomie pressed her face into her palm as she stepped into the shower.

She mostly stood still, letting the blood mingle with the water under her feet. It felt relatively nice and felt better when she turned up the heat until it seared into her flesh with blinding pain that turned her skin into a darken red hue. All of the steam that filled the air made her think of smoke on the battlefield.

By the time she stepped outside the bathroom, her body wrapped in a thin robe, she noticed Kakashi pressing together rice from the rice cooker she didn't realize existed. She didn't say anything as she walked his way, letting him hand her one. She took a tiny bite before a small smile forced its way onto her face.

"It's plain," she murmured, and he glanced her way with a raised brow. "And the rice is still hard."

"I'm sorry that I didn't perfect my culinary arts while out being a Shinobi," his voice lacked conviction, and came out aloof and almost friendly.

Anomie glanced up at him, leaning forward on the marble kitchen divider that separated the two. "I suppose a kid can't be good at everything."

Kakashi wasn't offended, and Anomie found herself slightly impressed that a man so strong could be so modest. "If I trained I'm certain I'd perfect anything."

"Here I was, thinking you were modest," Anomie's voice was musing, with a slight playful touch that sounded slightly forced to Kakashi's ears.

When Kakashi had first met Anomie, she had looked like a girl untouched by animosity and hatred. She looked almost broken, but every time Rin was around, Anomie would get an air of innocence. Her smiles had been brighter.

Now Kakashi could see that her eyes had begun to hollow like an egg with a tiny hole at the bottom. He could look for an instant, and she would look perfect and untouched. But if you get close enough, anyone with enough knowledge could see that she was empty inside. Perhaps that was what he liked about her, it didn't matter what happened, she always kept her shell in tact. In her own way, that alone was admir

He wasn't completely certain what caused her shift in personality. She didn't look to be so effected by killing when she was killing. If anything, Kakashi would almost go as far as to say the girl enjoyed it.

Was it the whispers of coward?

The murmurs had grown double in size as months past and the hurt of the Kyuubi attack was still fresh. There wasn't anyone physical to blame for the devastation. All there was to go on was a masked man who was unnamed and unknown.

All anyone could do was say that if Anomie had acted differently, been faster, hadn't run away, warned the Fourth Hokage of the attack that was upcoming on the Kyuubi and Kushina, if she had acted on any of these, then maybe things would have been different. All anyone saw was a woman who ran away. An disliked woman who was favorited by the higher ups. The woman who was assigned all the dirty missions and carried them out without complaint.

And now, she was a woman who was blamed for the largest inner threat to the village.

But all Kakashi could see was Anomie. The girl who cried in his shoulder for two hours. The girl who gave Rin a flower for protection. The girl who mocked his mask and bought him porn. The girl who stood by him even after his hands were soaked in Rin's blood.

The girl who had skin as soft as glass and as cold as ice. The girl who hair fell like snow, framing her heart shaped face. The girl whose eyes warmed and sparkled when he stared into them.

He could only see Anomie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is called "Suisen" which is 水仙, and in english Daffodil. In Japanese it represents respect, and in English it represents chivalry or unrequited love. Goes with Kakashi's newfound respect for Anomie. Step one to any relationship is understanding.


	13. Kurokkasu

CHAPTER TWELVE  
____________  
–•–

  
WHEN SHE JOINED ANBU, SHE HAD PURPOSE AND DIRECTION AFTER SO LONG in the dark. She had grown attached to filling the emptiness with the paperwork and the never ending missions, as if the hole would fill. However, it didn't look like any joy was to be had that cold mid-winter when Anomie was assigned to dispose of a child's mangled body. It didn't snow in Konoha, but the streets were covered in frost and breath turned misty when it protruded through open lips. Anomie had been minding her own business, jumping roof to roof in attempts to get back to her shower and escape the cold air that pierced her skin. Her muscles were sore and her eyes were sagging, likely fixed with dark bags, as she felt ready to collapse at any given second.

Any other time, she might have just slept on the roof like a cat, but the cold weather and the glimpse of blood on a dirt road caught her attention. She still found herself tempted to leave, but she held her ground and jumped next to the corpse. The blood made it almost difficult to guess the gender, but judging by the height, the kid couldn't be more than 6 years old.

She shut her eyes and looked up towards the sky, wondering what grand injustice she committed to saddle her up with every tragic and controversial murder in Konoha.

She ignore her lamenting as she knelt down and placed two fingers on the mangled neck, already knowing that the chance of finding a pulse was slim to none. However, she refused to let it be known that she didn't at least try. As expected, there was no movement and her fingers were bloody by the time she pulled away.

Twice that night, she contemplated just leaving and taking a shower. She even got ready to hop away and let the next unlucky jerk deal with the intense amount of paperwork that came with a report on a child's demise in the boundaries of Konoha's borders.

But, knowing her luck, she'd be the one assigned to clean up duty in the end. Dirty jobs always got passed to the 'monster' of Anbu.

By the time the first scream rumbled in the street, Anomie physically shuddered at the civilian child's shout of "Help" as if doing so would bring the mangled corpse back to life. Anomie truly hated children sometimes, and as a crowd began to form, all chances to just leave faded in some forgotten corner that she couldn't reach.

"What happened?" The whispering began and Anomie had no experience on how to calm it down. Would it be insensitive to just toss a blanket over the corpse and drag its bleeding form to the dumpster?

Anomie finally turned towards the crowd that had begun to gather in a disorganized mess of fear and horror. She raised her hands up, her eyes narrowing as her voice lowered to represent authority. "Step back." No one seemed to listen to her for a moment, but when she raised her killing intent they all took a step back while she let out a sigh of relief.

The panic of murmurs didn't dissipate as Anomie turned back towards the body and took out a small sealing scroll from her holster. Sealing the living was nearly impossible, but sealing the dead should do the trick.

She got ready to make the arrangements when four Anbu landed near her feet. "Report." The bear masked man ordered and Anomie stood up straight, noticing the noise from the crowd was what most likely brought their attention. Anomie did find it strange that the Uchiha police force weren't the first on the scene, but she found little care in the politics and feuds of Uchiha and Konoha.

"Time of death approximately," Anomie took a closer look at the corpse while the scent of rot invaded her nose. "Yesterday...around 15:30."

The boar sighed, examining the body before holding out his hand for the sealing scroll. Anomie handed the scroll over without a single hesitation. She stood up straight while the other Anbu dispersed the crowd. Kakashi appeared not long after next to her with Pakkun on his shoulder.

"It's a little difficult to track with the rotting smell interfering," Pakkun said as Kakashi knelt next to the corpse, both of his masks probably aiding the process.

"Get what you can," the Anbu in the boar mask ordered and Kakashi nodded.

"Antiseptic..." Pakkun said, and Anomie watched his pug nose scrunch up.

"So the killer dabbled in the medical arts?" stated the boar, and Kakashi shrugged.

"The scent doesn't lead anywhere. Whoever placed the body here did it in a way that it couldn't be traced," Pakkun said, circling the body. Anomie back away from the dog as her lips grimaced in disgust.

"So it was some sort of body flicker?" Anomie asked, keeping her voice blank.

"Appears so," Kakashi replied.

"Someone wanted the body to be found..." Anomie tilted her head to the side, walking on the opposite side of Pakkun. "There are no signs of the body being dragged and no signs of struggle. It's either this kid was very willing for its new surgery or it was put under."

"It appears to be a she," Boar stated, obviously not approving of the girl's word choice. She only shrugged, grabbing the girl gently and flipping her on her stomach.

"Her clothes are creased on her back, showing that much pressure had been placed for a long period of time where she laid flat on her back," Anomie flipped the girl back over and lifted a bloody arm. "There are injections wounds and major bruising from needles all over her more visible veins."

"So, we're dealing with some kind of mad scientist?" Boar asked and Anomie glanced up with a blank expression.

"Seems to be the case," Anomie replied.

"She's a civilian," Kakashi murmured and Anomie only shrugged as she glanced towards Kakashi's masked eyes. One eye shined red with his Sharingan as his gaze darted over the dead girl's body. "Her Chakra reserves are still apparent and small."

Anomie was slightly relieved that the kid hadn't been from a clan. The amount of trouble that would show up if a Hyūga got murdered would surely affect the village. Although, more important than that, she'd be sent on reconnaissance missions for months just because one Hyūga decided to get skewered.

"Lets move the body," Boar ordered while Kakashi and Anomie shared a glance and nodded.

From the corner of her eye she caught sight of golden eyes and dark black hair. The moment she turned to inspect what she saw from her peripheral, the area of shadow was gone. A part of her instinct told her the sight had been significant, and as she walked towards the shadows of the buildings she felt a sense of apprehension cloud her senses. It was early morning, and the sun had barely risen so the shadows were dark as she approached.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked, completely shutting down all her curiosity on the yellow eyes that tore through her.

"Nothing," she slowly turned towards him, her cat mask concealing that flicker of emotion that crossed her face. "The body is taken care of?"

"Only a report left," Kakashi replied and Anomie nodded.

"Well...I'm going to train," she murmured, all previous thought of sleep gone. She noticed Pakkun on Kakashi's shoulder and tried to slyly back away.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked and Anomie flinched as the dog hopped down next to her feet.

"I think she's afraid of me," Pakkun said, oddly amused despite the previous sight of a mangled corpse earlier. Kakashi obviously wanted a distraction.

Anomie's eye twitched and she jumped onto the roof, leaving the dog and Kakashi behind.

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It was midnight of July by the time Anomie saw those yellow eyes again. She supposed she should have expected he was a ninja by the time she was forced into helping create some forest for who knows what purpose. That being said, they had her go along with a black haired weirdo to find some poisonous plants north of Konoha.

She bowed her head upon greeting the yellow eyed man at the gate. "I am Koneko."

"Little kitty? Isn't that an embarrassing nickname?" he chuckled and Anomie glanced up, her mask, resting on top of her head, tilted to the side along with her head.

"Orochimaru is pretty embarrassing as well, but at least when I take off my mask, my name is normal," she replied, causing him to let out another deep chuckle. The streets were all empty around them, a side effect of being sent on a mission at four in the morning. She briefly wondered why they couldn't depart at eight a.m like a functional human being with a full eight hours of sleep.

"Now you are just being rude, Fuyu-chan," he replied just as she motioned to walk past him, but upon hearing the name, her body abruptly halted.

"Who..." Anomie couldn't finish her sentence. That name had died the same day as her mother, and no one other than Rin had ever referred to her as 'Fuyu' and it once more died with Rin. She had even began to wonder if those who she allowed to know it would end up dying.

"Let's get going then," he stated, moving past her and out the village gates with a sly glance towards the two guards that opened the gates for them to pass.

"Do I know you?" she asked, and he chuckled once more.

"Doubtful, but I know you," his voice his voice was deep and raspy and it made Anomie's eye twitch.

"That's creepy, so I'm going to ask you to elaborate," she said.

"Your seal has been removed."

"I'm going to need you to elaborate on that too," she said, feeling a sense of nostalgia overwhelm her the more she looked into his face.

"We have an entire mission to reacquaint ourselves, Fuyu-chan," he said, and she shook her head, feeling a strange surge of trust overcome her thoughts.

"Everything about you screams creepy," Anomie replied, hearing his dark chuckle. "But oddly enough, I am not creeped out."

"I'm pleased to see how you've grown," he praised and she felt as if his words circled around her, like a predator oncoming towards its prey. She had never felt so hunted, and yet fear was nowhere to be found. His eyes were hypnotic that her defenses dropped.

"I'm not certain I want to be looking for poisons with you," her voice came out in a murmur, so soft that she thought her voice might crack. "How do you know me?"

"You're my one and only, Fuyu-chan," his voice only grew deeper and usually she hated being called 'Fuyu', and yet from him it was soothing. "You changed your name, but you can't change your Chakra...your unique Chakra."

"..." Anomie found her brows scrunching together. "I..." She gripped her head and in mere moments the man's palm rested on her cheek. He was much taller than her and she was forced to look up to meet his gaze.

"What a failure I had passed you off as, but you're so much more now," his voice sounded prideful in the tone of someone who discovered a new project.

"Who are you to me?" She asked slowly.

"You were brought to me when you were young. You can say you were like my daughter," his voice sounded prideful and yet calm in a way that made her press her palm against his hand that remained on her cheek.

"That is something my mother never told me," Anomie stated, taking a step back. "Am from a clan?"

"Yes."

"Are they still alive?" She found herself asked, and watched as Orochimaru's face turned completely impassive.

"No."

Anomie nodded, finding herself oddly affected by the loss of a clan she knew nothing about. It was a tiny prickling of pain that stole her expression for a mere instant. She noticed the golden-eyed man was staring at her intently and she slowly nodded her head. "It makes sense...like leaves stripped from the branches of a tree, we disappear."

"Poetic..." He mused with a slowly forming grin that caused her to shrug. "I had expected the same to happen to you once it became clear I could not help them. I sealed your Chakra instead."

"You placed the curse mark? No offense, but it almost killed me," Anomie said, none too nicely as she took a step back, her eye on Konoha's that remained a short distance away.

"Yes, an unfortunate happenstance, but I see you are alive and well. I didn't expect to see you ever again and I am quite impressed you've lasted so long without it."

"That's what they all tell me...I suppose I'm just too stubborn to die," Anomie's brows furrowed as she caught the snake-eyed man studying her as if she were a specimen in a lab. "Why are you coming to me now? I've been in the village for years."

Orochimaru looked amused as he continued walking with an odd gleam in his eyes. "With a completely different name and matured face. Believe it or not, I did not intentionally seek you out."

Anomie tilted her head to the side, "Why did my mother take me to Kemuri? Why not stay here?"

Orochimaru looked amused, but Anomie caught the brief glimpse of rage in his eyes for a split second before it dissipated. "After your clan went up in smoke and disappeared, she grew fearful you would have the same fate. She wasn't an Iburi. I suppose the death of your father drove her over the edge and she feared you would share a similar fate. She took you and ran. I know not why."

Anomie had seen many men lie, and caught the glimpse of deception in his eyes. Under normal circumstances, Anomie would have cared, but the longer she stayed with him, the more her once chaotic heart felt a moment of peace. Her body physically couldn't reject him. It was an emotion that she found odd, but she didn't fight it. There was no desire to fight it.

He was a man who knew her name. He was a man who knew her mother. And ultimately, she believed he saved her life.

"What do you want?" she asked slowly. Anomie wasn't stupid and could recognize the greed in his eyes without having to look too hard.

"Believe it or not," Orochimaru took a step forward, his head tilting to the side as his palm rested on her head. "I only want to see you grow. I want to see your abilities first hand. Wind does not effect you like it had effected your kin."

"It did...I thought it was going to tear me apart...but my Chakra..."

"Is greater than I could have pictured."

Anomie's head burned and Orochimaru's entire expression disappeared into some dark void. For a brief second, she saw the tiniest bit of emotion in his eyes before in disappeared completely.

His voice was light as he walked past her. "Anbu has done you well, but I can help you become great...powerful."

"There is no price?" she asked, turning her head and glancing at him from behind her.

"There's a price for everything, but it isn't always you who will pay the debt," Orochimaru's glint of greed caught her eye and as he held out his hand, she began to wonder if he was the devil. His temptations of power and acceptance wasn't something she knew well, but as she caught his eyes again her body was pulled by some invisible force that turned her form around to face him completely.

She didn't hesitate or tremble when she placed her palm in his hand. She didn't blink or wince or think. It was all instinct. Her mind had drifted away from her and ran into some dark corner in the far end of her head. Every doubt she ever had disappeared when she stared into his eyes.

"I will help you become powerful, Fuyu-chan."

She couldn't even be bothered to correct him in her name. More than anything, she didn't actually care what he called her. A part of her was hesitating, but she couldn't hear that toneless tremor. She simply didn't care about it.

She only wanted the power this man had to offer.

She only wanted to hear her name on his lips.

She didn't know why.

She didn't care why.

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It was at the end of August that another body was found, and it seemed that each corpse was haunting her and following her every move. It was like the killer was stuck in her shadow, and every time she would turn around, she would see nothing but the haunting blackness. The body wasn't far from her apartment, causing the whispers to erupt at the possibility that she was a murderer.

She wanted to laugh until she cried. If she killed someone, why would she do it so close to where she lived? Did they all think she was a fool? The saying goes, 'don't shit where you eat', so why would she be stupid enough to kill someone half a minute away from where she actually ate.

The body was in the same shape as the rest when she found them, and once more she was tempted to toss it in a dumpster and go get some barbecue. The alternative did sound far more pleasant. Instead, she shook her head and sullied her name with a new controversy.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Orochimaru was far more serious about Anomie's training than she had originally thought, and his attacks were nearly impossible to dodge. He ripped holes and found mistakes in her bloodline ability at every angle. It had been months since she'd been so much as scratched, but he managed to break her leg in two days worth of training.

"You...You're crazy," Anomie stated, trying to move her broken leg as she glanced towards the pale man who stood with his arms crossed. She was slightly embarrassed that she had allowed herself to become so arrogant, and was slightly thankful that Orochimaru had, quite literally, beat that arrogance from her mind.

"Your skills are better than I thought," Orochimaru said, a tiny chuckle escaping his lips. Anomie didn't want it to, but a sense of pride filled her chest at his compliment. She had been complimented many times, but never before had one filled her with so much emotion. She almost lost her balance, but swiftly regained her calm.

"You broke my leg," were the words she finally decided to mutter, and heard a chuckle from Orochimaru in return.

So Orochimaru was in fact sadistic. Somehow, I couldn't be completely surprised.

"Only one. Hop to the hospital if you want," Orochimaru's amusement didn't fuel any anger or hatred. Anomie was beginning to think she couldn't be annoyed with a single thing he did, but she was annoyed at herself because she didn't know why she gave out so much unadulterated devotion. It wasn't natural. Even when he almost got her killed during their first mission as he incorrectly informed her how to handle one of the poison roots.

She still didn't see the point in a 'Forest of Death' anyway.

Instead of commenting, Anomie stood on one leg, ignoring the pain. She gave Orochimaru a side ways glance. "Do you want me to hop?"

"Surely you can figure out a better method," Orochimaru gave the girl a knowing smirk and Anomie shrugged, her body up in smoke. She didn't get very far when Orochimaru shoved his fist into the cloud.

The feeling of her Chakra being absorbed filled her with a sudden sense of alarm as she felt her Chakra become compressed until she experienced a sensation she had never had while in her other form. She couldn't breathe. It was a pain so abrupt that she found that her control shifted away from her.

Her body went spiraling to the ground at Orochimaru's feet, naked and bruised.

And yet, when she looked up to his amused face, she couldn't be angry at the attack. "It seems like upsetting your Chakra balance will disrupt your abilities."

"Is there a way around it?" she asked, and he knelt down next to her as she covered her breasts with her hair, her clothes were bloodied underneath her. She noticed that he didn't appear interested in her body at all, and that made her feel something akin to contentment.

The idea that a man could stand in her presence and not sexualize her was an experience she once would have deemed impossible.

"Chakra control and training," his raspy voice sounded amused as he placed his palm against her cheek. The way he touched her was the way one would touch a specimen in a lab. Anomie knew that it was creepy, but his eyes captured her respect and she couldn't stop herself from nodding.

"Orochimaru-sama," her voice was filled with obvious admiration that she found herself unable to keep out. "Why are you training me? Something tells me you don't take students lightly."

His eyes were sharp, and pierced into hers like blades. "Your abilities...I want to see them grow to their highest level."

"Why? Is there something you can gain from that?"

She saw his eyes flicker in an almost unreadable manner, and even though she knew that it was probably suspicious...even though her mind was telling her this man wasn't trustworthy, she didn't care.

"What does any mentor get out of watching a student grow?" he said with a light chuckle as he stood up. She knew he dodged the question, but wasn't certain she cared what he had to gain regardless.

She knew that her body remembered him, even if her mind was reluctant to sift through her memories. The way he absorbed her Chakra felt so potent, much like her own similar ability. The physical resemblance in Chakra was one of the first things she noticed as he stood.

She wasn't the greatest sensor, but their Chakra was nearly identical.

And she knew he could see that too.

But that was odd...not even siblings had the same Chakra. Not even parents and their children.

Something like this was impossible.

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It wasn't until mid winter, when all the trees lost their green hue, that another body was found underneath a dried plum tree. It looked much like the last one with its disfigured arms and bruises from the pressure of thick needles that decorated the mangled child's form.

The only difference was this child wasn't a citizen. He wasn't a child who wouldn't really cause a ripple affect throughout the village.

Uchiha Aoba was found, covered in dried leaves from winter's breeze. His skin was frozen and clammy, barely holding onto the small details of humanity. His eyes were open wide and his fingers were stiff at his sides.

If Anomie wasn't so used to dead bodies, she might of felt disgust or pity or remorse.

But as she knelt down by his shriveled corpse, activating her sealing scroll, she only felt the cool chill of the morning dew that bounced against her skin. Her Anbu mask tilted to the side with her head as she body flickered away after carefully tucking the scroll in her weapon's bag.

Konoha's citizens could scarcely handle the sight of another child victim, and she knew that an Uchiha if anyone, wouldn't do well for the possible panic. But mostly, she didn't want the village to associate her with the dead child. She already got enough contempt to last a lifetime, and had no desire to add the cruel death of a eight year old to her list.

By the time she turned around, Kakashi was standing stone still. His Anbu mask was nowhere to be seen, but it wasn't too odd to see him in casual clothing since she did live just below him. His one eye was visible, and was narrowed on her weapon's bag and then to her hands that were covered in specs of dry blood.

"There's been another murder," he murmured it so casually, but Anomie could practically feel the tension from his disturbed gaze.

"Uchiha..." she muttered, and they both knew what kind of chaos such information was likely to create.

"How do you know?" he asked, and Anomie shook her head.

"His clothes...held the crest," she muttered, walking past him. She meant to end the conversation, but his fingers wrapped around her wrist before she could escape.

He didn't speak for a long moment, before she heard the soft murmur of his sigh. "Don't put yourself in a position to cause more trouble." That didn't sound like what he wanted to say, and she found herself oddly curious as to what he had omitted from his words.

"Kakashi...you've been kind to me," she whispered it, so lowly that she wasn't certain if he could hear. "But..." The words she wanted to say wouldn't pass the barricade of her lips. She didn't know why she was having so much trouble uttering out her next sentence. I'm like a poison. I am not your friend. I am not your ally. I am a disease that burns away those who get to close. She couldn't find the words and settled for turning her frame to him, her head tilting to the side as her cat mask covered her expression.

"I haven't been kind to you for selfless reasons," Kakashi interrupted, his voice piercing through her ears with a hollow ring and a swift and cold chill. "I'm using you."

To anyone else, these words would have been harsh or blunt or heartless, but Anomie let out a tiny sigh of relief.

"Is that so?" she said it so lightly that she wasn't certain he understood her. Or maybe he did and knew that none of his responses would have gotten them anywhere. "I'm using you too," her words were slightly louder this time, just enough for him to hear her. Their bond together was weak and running thin, and they both knew that one wrong move could ultimately sever it. She sighed, releasing the built up tension in her shoulders. "The weather has been getting colder...almost like the beginning of snow." It had never snowed in Konoha, so her comment was ominous, and Kakashi took it in strides. "Things are changing."

"If that's the case, don't do anything stupid..." Once again, anyone else could have taken his words as harsh, but it made Anomie almost smile when his fingers finally dropped her wrist.

She only nodded her head and continued to walk away, but before she disappeared from sight, she turned around to glance once more at Kakashi. "See you at home."

Her last parting words came out like that of a promise, and she saw his back stiffen at her unexpected voice. She was slightly happy to see she could obtain such reactions from him. Their bond was brittle, but it coiled around her neck like a noose. If she pulled away, she was afraid it would choke her and cut into her skin.

In a world where everyone she cared about was gone, departing with Rin's last smile, she needed Kakashi's thin bond.

He was necessary.

But he whether or not he was anything else, she did not know.

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The Uchiha death caused a tremor of chaos to span out from the already weary clan. Many things could have sparked the distrust and bud of disillusion to blossom amongst the Sharingan clan, but a death of one of their own had been the final straw to erupt in the village.

After the Kyuubi attack, the village had deployed many Anbu on mission to watch over the clan. Whether or not the Uchiha were aware of this, Anomie wasn't too certain, but she did her duty and stayed out of sight from the Uchiha's watchful eye.

Maybe her extensive knowledge with the clan's linage and characteristics was what made recognizing the surname of the dead child so simple.

The Third Hokage, upon recognizing the distrust growing between the village and the Uchiha, issued an order than Anbu weren't able to brush over. Surveillance was then increased to stage four and soon enough, every angle of the Uchiha complex was surveyed in secret through many cameras and 24/7 watch.

Many of the village elders still believed the mask man to have been an Uchiha, and had little trust in Anomie's statement that there had only been one attacker.

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Kakashi had been shifting through the motions, and watching the Uchiha clan had become a full time job, leaving little room for much else. His new team was an oddly nostalgic one, and a recent change besides his new rise to Anbu captain. Chikanori and Ageha were an odd bunch that Kakashi oddly wished would disappear forever.

He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because of Chikanori's bright smile.

He didn't care the reason. Maybe it was how Ageha always tried to one up him.

He didn't care the reason. Maybe it was Chikanori's annoying crush on him.

He didn't care the reason. Maybe it was the dreams of blood stained hands and rocks smeared with red.

He cared...too much and he wished he didn't.

That was around the time the third body turned up. It was a harsh reality. A blood smeared corpse of a Uchiha boy. Another Uchiha boy. His eyes had been gorged out in such a professional way that Kakashi found his blood run cold.

Reality seemed to truly hate the white haired girl who found the third corpse.

Despite this chaos surrounding her name, Anomie's face was blank when she knelt over the bloody child's body. It was blank when she shoved a cloth over his face, and it was blank when she glanced over to Kakashi's figure. Silence stretched between them, apart from Anomie's steady breaths in the winter air.

"Look at that. This village is running through my nine lives," she murmured in a slow, yet oddly amused tone of voice. "Pretty soon I'll be down to one."

"Leave," his voice came out in a quiver before he could help himself. "I'll say I found the body." It seemed to slightly surprise Anomie, but other than that tiny glance his way, her surprise became masked as well.

Out of all responses, he never expected Anomie to laugh. It was an unamused, bitter laugh, but her shoulders shook with its tremor. She looked up into the sky, still laughing when the first anbu ninja showed up. She looked taken back by Anomie's laughter, but her appearance made Anomie's shoulders shake even more.

"Is this funny to you?" The Anbu ninja's voice was hoarse, riddled with accusation.

"It's really not," Anomie said mid laugh, her eyes dancing with mirth that looked to be broken to Kakashi's eyes.

"I'll handle this, you and Koneko report to the Hokage," Kakashi ordered, and being on a higher superiority made the Anbu Crow nod, albeit she saved a hesitant glance towards Anomie.

Anomie's face was blank, as if her lips hadn't as much cracked a smile. From beginning to end, Anomie hadn't so much as met his eye, when he knelt down next to the body he grew tense when he felt her delicate hand rest on his shoulder.

Her lips neared his ear in a motion so opposite of intimate that he had to suppress a shiver.

"Congratulations on your promotion, Koinu."

She disappeared moments later, as if she had never stood behind him. He was left alone with a corpse on an empty street at four in the morning.

He wasn't quite so sure who was cursed: him or Anomie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is called Kurokkasu (クロッカス). In English called Crocus. I felt it signifies Anomie's changing character but it means youthfulness. It is also a perennial flowering plant that you would likely see as the first flower poking out of the snow. The crocus is a poisonous plant. All parts of it are actually toxic.


	14. Mandorēku

CHAPTER THIRTEEN  
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–•–

  
ANOMIE HAD THOUGHT SHE WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING WHEN THE first body spilled its guilt her way. In that respect, that was what made Orochimaru's request for her to be reassigned under his tutelage so easy. No one questioned when a Sannin of his stature chose to watch over a suspected murderer, and she could sense people were relieved when she was assigned a mission out of Konoha's borders.

Orochimaru was actually insane, but he was also silent and had no taste for idle chitchat. She was grateful for the silence, as not many could handle a quiet journey through vast terrain.

Although, with no warnings, he would turn around and attack her.

That thought rushed through her head almost as violently as his Chakra surged in her body and his fist slammed into her stomach. She barely managed to turn her abdomen into smoke, but seconds later his Chakra disrupted her balance and sent her flying into a tree. She felt the bark shatter beneath her as leaves and branches fell on top of her head. She felt leaves rush into her mouth the moment she opened it to groan in pain.

"Well, that was disappointing," Orochimaru stated as he glanced towards her in such a bored manner that if not for the bruising on her lower back, she was certain to have thought he hadn't attacked.

She coughed up her lungs the moment she stood, using her hands to prop up her weakened form. The moment she gained composure, she glanced up at him. "I guess I have a long way to go."

"Don't fret just because you weren't at the advantage of being trained as young as most ninja were," Orochimaru took a step forward and he was in front of her as smoothly as if he glided there. "You have risen far from being nothing...from here on out, you can only rise."

"..." She had no words for her response. She had no words for the emotion that sprung through her body with such force that she was almost rocked backwards.

His lips quirked into a smirk, "You avoided major injury on instinct only... That attack was set to kill and you escaped with little more than a bruise."

"Is it wise to train in the middle a mission?"

Orochimaru shrugged, brushing back a long black strand on his hair until it was behind his ear. "When is it better time?" His voice rasped out in such a way that Anomie had been given the imagery of a snake. "Be prepared for any surprise attack..."

Although his reasoning was feasible, Anomie had the sinking suspicion that her new partner just enjoyed kicking her body into the dirt.

"Considering the mission, I believe it wouldn't be wise to make so much noise," Anomie's words could be taken as a complaint, but there was no tone in her voice.

"Espionage is not really my favorite, Fuyu-chan. If discovered, we can just kill everyone and get the information the easy way," his at ease mention of genocide made her feel slightly light-headed, as if an invisible weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Only monsters choose to kill when other options are available.

All your teammates are dead again?

Did you kill them?

You're bad luck, Koneko.

A black cat just crossed our path.

I see she still landed on her feet, even though the blood of her comrades is on the ground.

Odd memories sprouted through her head, but disappeared the moment she looked into Orochimaru's eyes. He didn't seem to realize the change of her heart, but that was fine.

It didn't matter...

She realized this with such clarity that her shoulders slightly sagged.

The oddest sense of relief almost made her want to sink to the ground.

In his eyes, she wasn't a monster...she wasn't bad luck...Koneko...she wasn't even Anomie...

She was Fuyu.

Weak...pitiful Fuyu. The same girl who swindled and slept her way out of poverty and the very streets of Kemuri..

That was alright.

That was the name her mother would call her. That was the taste and color of her home. That was cold like snow. A name like ice, almost cold enough to freeze her heart.

Looking into Orochimaru's eyes, she could almost tell herself that he knew what that name had meant to her. Maybe he knew what spell his words had on her. She could kill in front of him, and it didn't matter how she did it. It didn't matter whether or not she enjoyed it.

Nights later blood dripped from her fingertips in a cascade of red. The ruby red of it dipped in between her breasts and glimmered in the shine of the moon. Her heart didn't drum in her chest, her shoulders weren't tense with worry that someone might see...that someone might realize she enjoyed it.

Ah...

But someone did see, and when she looked into Orochimaru's golden eyes and saw nothing.

It was rather poetic. It was rather pathetic, but his smirk made her feel unburdened.

"You're quite the monster, Fuyu-chan," but the way he said it, a coo, didn't make her heart quiver or her eyes water.

It sounded like praise.

As if 'monster' wasn't an insult.

Fuyu was dead...and maybe Anomie never existed...perhaps Koneko was a shadow. If this was all true, then she didn't have a single idea who she was.

Perhaps it didn't matter. Perhaps nothing ever did.

"I want to stay here for a moment longer," she murmured, sitting in the spreading pile of blood, letting the warmth of it soak into her skin.

And she sat there, Orochimaru next to her, until the blood turned cold and Fuyu disappeared.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Spring was gleaming through the clouds on the week of the fourth murder. The night was normal, if not a little dull. Kakashi, as usual, was ignoring his new, frightfully nostalgic, team. Genma was, as usual, making passes at Anomie. Gai was making useless challenges towards Kakashi. Kurenai was eating dangos. Asuma was taking up smoking as his usual pastime.

Anomie was training more and more and still eating Kakashi's food.

Everything was as usual.

The calm before the storm.

"Have you ever thought of adding more water?" Anomie's voice was a quiet lull that caught Kakashi's attention from the sofa where he lifted his gaze out from the slightly crinkled pages of his book. Anomie's long legs were sprawled backwards on the back of the couch, her body and head facing the ground with a rice ball in her delicate palm.

If she were anyone else, he might of just scoffed and went back to reading.

"You're going to choke if you eat backwards," was his quiet reply. "I don't need you to steal my food and then die on my carpet."

He tried not to, earnestly tried, but his one eye focused on the upturn of her lips while her gaze rested on his ceiling. Like usual, he could tell she was counting the tiles of the top. He didn't know why she bothered, as undoubtedly she still remembered the number the last time she did so.

"Ne," her lips moved so quickly that he forced his gaze back to the book in his palms. "Do you think there's life after death?"

Kakashi always found Anomie abnormally morbid, but usually her conversations were light, abrupt, and to the point. Rarely did she try to actually start conversation or speak of anything of use.

That being said, Kakashi found himself unable to follow her train of thought.

Moments later, her gaze sharply met his and in the glimmer of sun, her pink eyes almost shined amber.

"I don't know," Kakashi stated simply, and her expression went blank.

"I like to think it's better when you're dead. It's happier...no war or violence. People would like that better."

"The living shouldn't be hung up on the dead," Kakashi felt her smirk, and the mutual hypocrisy of his statement.

"Maybe even the people who you kill are happier in death," her words were as sharp as daggers, and the moment she realized they brought cutting memories of lightning and blood upon the pale haired boy, she shut her lips so tight that he heard the clap of her teeth against each other.

By the time he glanced back towards her, she had already went back to counting tiles as if they were sheep. She almost looked ready to lull herself to sleep.

"It's a nice thought to soothe the hearts of murderers," she whispered just before she closed her eyes. He didn't realize his grip on his book turned tight until he noticed the pages slightly wrinkle and tear.

Her cold hands brushed against his, causing his grip on the book to slacken. He hadn't even noticed she had sat up until her face was inches from his.

"Look at that," she murmured, her legs now sprawled against the couch cushions instead of over the back of it. Her hand rest on his thigh, propping herself up while her other trailed circles on the back of his hand that was slowly relaxing their grip of his book. "You do listen to me."

Oddly enough, he mused the thought of just leaning in and claiming her lips. It would be as easy as strangling her. He did neither. Her lips glistened with ruby red lipstick that would undoubtedly stain if he touched them. They'd likely leave a mark that'd be difficult to wash away.

He used that as an excuse to stop himself, and his gaze was blank when he turned his eye back to his book.

He let out a scoff, "Kind of hard when you never shut up."

A lie. Anomie had sealed off most of her voice the night Rin died.

Instead of getting offended, she further sparked his heart into restart when she leaned against his arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

He tried to focus on the words of his book, but found it even more difficult to read when his heart was beating out of his chest.

Her hand still rested on his leg long after her other had stopped grazing his hand.

The silence dragged on, and if she spoke he couldn't hear past the sound of his thumping heart.

It felt like hours until he was able to concentrate and glance towards her face on his right. Her eyes were shut, and her Chakra was steady.

"I try not to sleep in front of people."

"Why is that?"

"It's safer that way."

Her eyes were shut and she looked at peace. He had seen a glimpse of her sleeping form twice. Once on the night Rin died, and again when he had woke her up for a mission.

One by one, he slowly noticed, he was able to see her vulnerabilities.

They were crashing down without fail or hesitation, and he began to wonder just how long they'd exist at all.

However, that thought didn't sober his racing heart.

The sun had already set by the time he attempted to move away, so as to let her rest on the couch, but her eyes snapped open the moment he shifted. Her narrowed gaze trapped him in place.

"I had a dream," she murmured as if it were the most important thing in the world. Her palm rested on his hand before he had time to realize he had dropped it near her, along with his book, which was now lying on the ground.

"Hm?" He didn't particularly care, as she didn't sound completely awake.

Her fingers wove into his and he nearly felt his self-control break from his slipping grasp.

"Rin and Obito and Saru and mom...everyone was alive," she whispered, her eyes closing again, her cheek resting back on his shoulder. "You to...you were there...you're always there."

He didn't realize he was squeezing her hand back until she had let out a content sigh and went silent back into whatever dream he wished he could join.

Her fantasy was as far from him as ever. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw fire. And lightning. And blood.

It wasn't so bad. When he opened his eyes at least he saw her.

That was enough.

With that thought he shifted her form so he could slide down the material that covered his lower face. The moment his face was free of any masks, he pressed his lips against her forehead.

He realized, in that moment, that he didn't need to be sleeping for his dream.

He just needed Anomie by his side.

He didn't know when it happened, but he was already in too deep when he noticed she was much more than just necessary.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

She realized it much too slowly that she placed herself in a series of compromising situations those next few days. Training may of gotten to her on a deeper level since the moment she began her mornings with Orochimaru.

It was in those next few days that she found out what her semblance was, aside from fire.

"You never bothered to learn," Orochimaru's callous remark brought a heap of shame to stack onto her shoulders. It was almost enough to bring her to the ground.

"It never interested me...I thought I was fire only."

"If your Chakra nature was fire only, then smoke wouldn't be apart of your nature," he sounded as if he were scolding a dumb child. It struck a cord in her subconscious.

"But how can I be wind as well? Wind will kill me..."

Orochimaru's lips twisted into a smirk. "How do you expect to grow if you run from what you fear?"

"What would you have me do?"

"Conquer it." Orochimaru stated simply.

"Doesn't sound easy..." she murmured, and in a mere instant she was reeling at his trailing fingers on her jaw.

"It isn't supposed to be easy. It is in your blood. Fuyu-chan. You are a killer. Don't let this village turn you into something you are not."

"And what is that?" She didn't mean to sound condescending, but his words sparked her curiosity in that moment.

His lips raised into a smirk. "A soldier," his words were clearly unsaid, don't let them beat obedience. "Do what you want to do. So, Fuyu, what do you want?"

The word came to her in a spark of a moment. "Power." Her brows furrowed. "I've always wanted power."

Without it, she was a weak little girl. Humiliated. Degraded. Molested. Raped. Beaten. Hated.

His lips curled into a smirk, "Good."

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

The fourth murder was unlike the rest. And Anomie had begun to believe death was following her.

The shape of a body was sprawled out in such a way, that she wondered how no one had found it before her. Its blood was leaking through a thick blanket. If there hadn't been so much, she would have had a hallow hope it was an animal instead of another child.

She barely had the chance to kneel next to it and reach under the blanket to feel for a pulse before its hand gripped her wrist and its body sprung up from the blanket, still barely covering its face enough to make it impossible to make out the child's gender.

"Why did you do it?" his voice broke through the cold morning air so quickly that she fell on her back.

It had been a long while since she felt her heart spread up in fear. His bloody body snapped over her until his dead, empty eye sockets became visible after the blanket fell. The bloody blanket fell on her, and much of the blood coming from visible wounds leaked over her clothes and mask.

"I'm cold," the boy whispered, and his voice was so pained that she barely had time to catch her breath when the child collapsed on her shirt.

Her voice came out in a raspy quiver by the time a group of Chūnin saw her form, mask still covering her face, and covered in blood.

"You were dead," she whispered, her breath coming out in frost as she shoved the kid's body off of her and stood up so she could back away.

By the time the Chūnin had really caught sight of her, she was standing and covered in blood, next to a child who had to of been at least two hours dead.

A Uchiha child with no eyes and a black cat with nowhere to run.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

After a long continuous week of questioning that ended in distrust, she was finally able to leave the confines of the T&I.

The Uchiha wanted vengeance. The elders wanted someone to blame. Danzo wanted action. The citizens wanted justice. The Hokage wanted answers.

And honestly, Anomie just wanted dinner.

The sun had already begun to set by the time she walked near the many lightly lit food stalls. Her stomach grumbled in demands that she almost ignored if it weren't for a sudden arm, wrapping around her shoulders.

"It seems like I heard the grumble of the beginning of our first date, An-chan," Genma's voice was light and musical as he steered her towards one of the food stands. It was a simple barbecue and grill house, which looked far more pleasant than Genma's arm wrapped around her shoulders. Whether or not he could feel the chill of the citizens and heated scowls upon Anomie's shoulders, he did not care to say.

"If I agree, will you shut up and eat," she commented, not particularly coldly, but her voice didn't display a hint of warmth either. She was blank, like that of fresh snow.

"Don't be cold," Genma said, smiling as he ordered for her. "You've gotten too skinny. You've been neglecting on eating." He made a tisking sound.

"Why is that your problem?" her question wasn't cruel, but it also wasn't particularly kind.

"I am your love interest after all."

"Self-proclaimed."

"Cruel."

Anomie scoffed, glancing down only when the food was placed in front of her. She wouldn't be surprised if it was poisoned or spit in at least, but living in Kemuri, she had suffered through worse. It was odd to see Genma keeping his distance, as he would usually take any chance to touch her.

"How are you?" he asked the question so suddenly that she was forced into raising an eyebrow as she turned her head towards him and rested her chin against the heel of her palm. "Rumors and gossip have been spreading throughout the village. You've been associated with many separate murders...and one was a child of the Uchiha clan."

"Idle talk..." her murmur was a soft whisper that gave him the impression that she didn't fully care if he heard her.

"You seem to have horrible luck," Genma mused and she shrugged.

"That would appear to be true. Wrong place at the wrong time does wonders," she sighed.

"Well, you're at the right place now."

"Arrogance isn't very flattering," she commented lightly, but there was no real conviction in her voice.

"Anomie," Genma spoke in an uncharacteristically serious tone that forced her head to turn back in his direction. "It's not your fault..."

Her lips quirked into a bitter smile, "What isn't?"

"Everyone who died that night...it wasn't your fault," his whisper turned harsh, and she found herself unable to turn away as his eyes pierced hers. "There aren't many people who would still have faith in you...but I still remember how you stumbled into my arms, bleeding and wounded. I remember you ignoring your medical needs and putting the village first when you rushed to the third Hokage. You aren't the heartless person you are trying to be. And you sure as hell aren't a murderer."

For the first time he saw the usual bitterness leave her eyes, but before he could think too much of that her lips brushed across his. They dodged the senbon needle with ease as her palm rested against his cheek.

He had thought about kissing her many times before, but he had always assumed it had been a fantasy. His heart throbbed in his chest, but by the time he opened his eyes to meet her penetrating stare, he saw her gaze was empty.

For a brief moment, he almost wondered if he imagined her lips or if they had been real.

But the brief moment extended into the night.

After that, he began to wonder if he imagined all of the kisses that came afterwards. All of the caresses and burning brushes of skin. Her eyes were empty during almost every encounter; as if they reminded him that this would be the closest he'd ever get to her.

But her lips allowed a murmur, inaudible, against his ear towards the end of the night. It was a sweet murmur, and although he couldn't remember her undoubtedly cruel words, he wasn't able to forget the lonesome tone in which she whispered it.

Nothing. It means nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> マンドレーク (Mandorēku). Mandrake in English.
> 
> The ancients used Mandrake root to relieve pain and promote sleep, but it was also known to cause madness. The leaves are cooling when used as a poultice. Mandrake, is related to many strange superstitions and is said to promote passion and also sterility. Once used as an aphrodisiac and also as an anesthetic. Many believe it to be a magical root, a "mandrake man" or "mandrake woman" could be pulled out from the roots. But either way they were thought to be powerful allies who could perform true miracles for their masters - anything from attracting love where previously there was none, to getting rich quick and striking unsuspected luck, to warding off misfortunes and evil spells, to becoming invincible in battle.
> 
> Once in possession of the precious root, one's troubles were by no means over, as it was no easy task to satisfy a Mandrakes' whims. It had to be bathed in milk or wine on a regular basis, fed specific kinds of food (its exact dietary requirements were an endless source of debate) and wrapped in the finest red or white silks. Even if all its demands were met it was possible that it would just stop to perform its duties, in which case it was best to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
> 
> It was feared as a plant as its root was said to embody a demon, and that if it was pulled from the ground a terrifying shriek would be heard. Anyone hearing the shriek would die. Hence the custom was developed for dogs to dig up the root by tying the hungry animal near to the plant and placing some meat near to the plant. The idea was that the dog would eventually make a grab for the meat uprooting the plant, and no-one had to witness this. The dog would die when the root was dug up which theoretically was due the shriek, but could it have been from poison. This root has a narcotic effect. Witches used the root of the mandrake to concoct potent wine. The plant is rare in Britain.


	15. Amaririsu Beradonna

CHAPTER FOURTEEN  
____________  
–•–

  
ANOMIE AWOKE BEFORE THE LIGHT PASSED THROUGH THE OPENING OF THE WINDOW to the east where her curtains were wide open. She wasn't sad. She wasn't happy. She didn't feel anything. She wasn't depressed or disgusted. Or perhaps she was all of that, and it was only rushing through her so quickly that she didn't know what to feel.

Genma's arm was wrapped around her as if she were his lifeline. Looking at him now, sleeping and quiet and content dropped her to flashbacks of all her years as an Oiran. It was an oddly cheap feeling that made her blink as she hovered her hand over his neck. She contemplated the seals on her wrists. In one motion, she could slit his throat and be done with it.

"And you sure as hell aren't a murderer!"

She slapped her hand, once hovering over his neck, over her mouth with so forceful a motion that she saw him twitch. Panicking, she flicked her hand into a seal without a second thought. Sadly, her places to go were limited and she barely had time to process where her Chakra sent her until it was too late and she was already in Kakashi's apartment.

Appearing in nothing but skimpy panties and a loose tank top didn't sit well with him as she all but body flickered on top of him.

"You're kidding," were his first words when she tilted her head and glanced over to his sleepy face as his body slowly sat up from the bed she landed on.

"Good morning," she stated lamely as he kneaded his temples as he attempted to shift out of bed. His action tripped her and she ended up falling completely on top of him. Her reflexes were on par with his as his hands gripped her sides while her hands landed on each side of his face with her lips just inches away from his.

His eyes were wide as he was able to feel the heat of her body on top of him. It was early in the morning, so he was still barely awake, but he was awake enough to fell nearly everything underneath her thin top brushing against him through the much to thin material of their clothes.

Her eyes were hypnotizing, and he became much too aware of his hands on her sides. He even noticed that her breathing had slightly hitched in a way that made every part of him want to flip them over so he could run his fingers across her skin. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he could feel a part of her skin against his leg in such a manner that it burned.

His heart thumped in his chest so loudly that he could barely hear her whisper his name. Hearing her hoarse and labored breath made him almost lose all sense of reason.

Her scent was what stopped him from giving in. He tried to ignore it at first, but a foreign scent was all over her and he could vaguely feel Genma's Chakra from her apartment. He knew it was stupid to feel hurt, but with this scent lingering on her lips, he felt oddly subdued. It was enough to gently slip out from under her.

Anomie had guessed what was wrong the moment his eyes closed and he pulled away. But as she sat up, alone on the bed, she could still feel his fingers against her skin. His palms had been hot against her sides and she felt oddly warm.

The content feeling she had woke up with abruptly disappeared.

She didn't have much time to think more of the subject as a shirt was tossed in her direction. She swiftly caught it and glanced towards Kakashi's unamused expression. She found herself slightly smirking at his obvious judgment of her clothes, but she didn't say anything against it.

"Grow some modesty," he commented, but there was no conviction in his voice.

"Maybe tomorrow," she murmured in return as she slipped on the shirt. It was long enough to cover her panties, but if she reached her arms up, they were sure to show.

She caught Kakashi's eye, and saw his face was oddly unreadable. She slipped off the bed and took a step closer to him. She contemplated pulling down his mask, but settled for smiling.

"Food?" she asked, her voice so innocent that Kakashi let out a light chuckle. His hand landed on her head and ruffled her hair.

It wasn't something he had ever done before, and the action was so sudden and affectionate that it caused her eyes to widen. Her heart thumped in her chest with such force and palpitation that she almost took a step back.

He took no notice as he walked to the fridge.

She glanced his back with wide eyes as she pressed her fingers against her head where the presence of his fingers still lingered like a disease. She took a deep breath and cleared her thoughts. By the time she opened her eyes again, her gaze was blank, but her heart still hammered in her chest as she took a couple steps closer to the kitchen and leaned on the marble counter. He pulled out watermelon from the fridge.

Her eyes slightly widened in delight, and he saw it before she could correct herself. He didn't say anything and only watched as she grabbed piece after piece. Unlike the rice, she didn't take small nibbles and instead finished it off in momentary bites.

"The first food that you've given me that actually tastes decent," she commented after a moment.

He scoffed, "I'm not obligated to feed you."

"No," Anomie's face contorted in a tight smile. "No you're not." She didn't speak for a while, and her words made Kakashi frown from underneath his mask.

"Well, if I didn't I doubt you would ever eat," he murmured smoothly.

"You'd never allow that now would you," she mused, and he shrugged. Her lips contorted into a small smirk. "What? You're not gonna ask me how it was?"

"How what was?" he spoke before he could realize she had baited him.

She glanced over, rice ball in her hand which she nibbled small bites so as to continue talking. "So that's how you're going to be. That's fine. I like this better. Good food after a long night."

Kakashi undoubtedly would have torn the book in two if not for his control. He decided to hold it in one hand instead of two, so as to keep himself from ruining the one good thing in his life.

"Well, thanks for the shirt and the food," she stated, closing her eyes as she stood up. Her legs were still bare as she did, and she hated the intoxicating smell of his clothes. It felt all too intimate. If she didn't leave now-

"Stay safe," he mumbled it, and it sounded forced and reluctant, but oddly genuine.

Even after she purposefully set out to hurt him, he still wanted her to be safe. Her eyes narrowed as she turned her head to him.

He could feel her scrutinizing stare, but he was too exhausted and exasperated to care. Mostly, he just wanted her to leave before he lost his temper or worse, lost his composure. And yet, a strong part of him wanted to close the distance and ruffle her hair. Maybe smack her back against the wall and ravage her lips. It would be so easy. It would take five steps. Five simple steps.

But she smelled like Genma and her hair was messier than he had ever seen it.

If he looked hard enough, he could clearly see the imprint of red marks on her neck.

He had to remind himself, but perhaps they were all just excuses.

"Well, when am I not safe?" she mused, her shoulders relaxing.

Kakashi scoffed, glancing back towards his book. The distance that had finally started to shorten between them, in just one night, grew tenfold. Kakashi began to wonder if he was the only one who cared. Maybe he was, but if that weren't the case then perhaps she wouldn't be the Anomie he knew in the first place.

By the time he actually glanced up again, she was already gone.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie meant to just spare a passing glance at her Anbu locker, but the bloody red print of "murderer" caused her to stare a moment to long. She sensed bad karma, but she opened the locker anyway. She expected worse than what she received, as all her things were torn to bits.

She glanced at small pictures that had been taped to her locker, each one sporting an image of the dead or missing victims of Konoha. Four, she recognized, were the faces of the bodies she had found. The rest she didn't recognize, but murderer was written on every one of them.

She wanted to scoff. As if these petty misguided taunting would make her fret. There wasn't much she had in this world, but Anbu possessions were easily replaced.

She slammed the locker shut, her eyes running over to the boy who just entered the room. He had a distinctive look. A very Uchiha look to him, what with his tear ducts underneath his eyes and onyx eyes that matched his raven black hair.

She raised a brow.

He was younger than any Anbu she had ever seen, and certainly younger than she or Kakashi had been when they joined.

She noticed his eyes dart to the locker, and oddly enough, his expression didn't so much as waver.

"Younger ever year. Pretty soon we'll be fighting alongside infants," Anomie murmured, running her fingers over her wrist were the seals had been placed. They were her emergency clothes, but she supposed it was an emergency.

She barely noticed the boy's lips twitch up, but he paid her no more heed as he placed the basket of items into his locker, directly next to hers.

"Oho," a new voice entered the room, brought by a body that she barely recognized, but the mask was that of a nostalgic monkey. "Cover your eyes, Uchiha, she has a certain liking for snatching them."

The boy didn't so much twitch in the monkey's direction. Anomie expression grew blank as she put on her cat mask, strapping it around her head.

"He's a little too old," Anomie's voice was low and it echoed in her mask. "Don't you remember? I like them younger."

The monkey gave her the reaction she wanted when he turned around sharply and left the barracks.

"Asshole," Anomie muttered, not sparing the Uchiha boy one more second of her thoughts as she calmly walked out. Insults against Anomie didn't bother her as long as she wore the mask of Koneko.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Itachi Uchiha was still eight when he joined Anbu. He was eight when he joined team Neko. He was eight when he met Anomie. He was eight when he watched her stand by and watch their third teammate tortured and murdered.

"We can't help him," Anomie muttered, glancing towards the weasel-masked boy, although she doubted she could call him a boy anymore. He had long sense proved himself to be a monster in combat. He had also proved himself to be watching her closely, no doubt her every action reported back to the revenge seeking Uchiha clan. "He got caught. If we blow our position the mission will fail and more will die."

"I understand," Itachi's voice was empty, and she glanced towards the weasel, tilting her head to the side as her white ponytail fell over her shoulder.

Not many actually obeyed her orders, captain of her team or not, so his agreement made her oddly relieved. "I don't trust him not to blow our mission," she admitted, opening her fist into a flat palm, and her hand turned into smoke and she slowly closed her eyes. The smoke drifted away, through the branches of the trees.

The girl didn't move a muscle and was as still as stone as the smoke turned invisible to the naked eye.

The encampment tent, two minutes later, erupted with the pained scream of their lost teammate. The pained moan lasted for little under a minute before it was silent. Seconds later, Anomie's eyes opened and her hand was back. She glanced towards Itachi; her vibrant pink eyes were in slits through the Anbu mask.

"Lets go," she murmured, clenching and unclenching her fist. "Might as well not make his death in vain."

Itachi wondered, albeit briefly, if she chose to kill because it was simpler than rescue. His head awoke with scenarios of possible ways to save the fallen crow, and finish the mission. When he brought it up after the mission, the look in her eyes said everything.

"You're right," she said simply, washing her hands of blood in the river. The clear water darkened with red. "Any plan I had would have possibly saved Crow. The mission could have been salvaged. I suppose. But unforeseen events always arise. I don't deal with possibilities. It's either success or failure. I don't need chances or maybes or what if. His capture was his own fault and as a Shinobi of the Leaf, it's either the village or death. You protect your village, no matter the cost. I'd rather choose saving the masses and being a villain, than saving one and being a martyr."

Anomie sighed, placing a slightly damp hand on her side. She slowly continued, "There's nothing wrong with being the villain if you are certain that your actions are for the greater good. People are stupid and don't look at the big picture. If they want to label me a heartless murderer, so be it."

"Doesn't it ever hurt you?" Itachi asked, and Anomie's lips formed into a frown from underneath the mask. The kid really knew how to ask the scathing questions.

Itachi had prided himself to understand someone's thoughts. He had always prided himself on reading people through their eyes, because as an Uchiha, he had been taught that the key to everything is in their eyes. And yet, through Anomie he only saw a void. An empty void. He wondered if it was a cover or if somewhere in that blackness, there was an actual person.

He also wondered if that void was in his future as well, just waiting to swallow him whole.

"Everyday," she said after a pregnant pause.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"This mission is better than the rest," Tetsuna Hyūga murmured, her pale eyes glancing towards their leader.

Anomie shrugged, cleaning off her blade with her back against the tree. It was an odd habit, Itachi had noticed, as she cleaned it everyday without fail, whether it was stained with blood or not. He had never felt the need to ask, but Tetsuna had no such opposition or tact or rather, lack of curiosity.

"It's clean. Why still scrub it?" the owl of their team asked, causing Anomie to glance up.

"It's my blade. What's it to you?" She asked calmly, as she had no love for their third teammate. Anomie was never too polite to the third member, as they usually died anyway. It was now known as the cursed position of Neko.

Although, Itachi didn't believe in curses. He did however believe in idiots. Owls and crows had a tendency to be idiots.

"Fine, don't tell me," Tetsuna stated with a bored shrug, causing her auburn hair to bob up and down. "I wasn't interested anyway..."

He very much doubted it. Tetsuna always proved to care about everything.

Yaya Umehoshi sighed, adjusting her position. "Can't we stay somewhere more comfortable?"

"We're Anbu babysitters," Tetsuna muttered, leaning back against the tree.

It was an odd mission to assign the hit squad of Anbu, but Itachi didn't complain. Being a bodyguard wasn't the worst that could happen, but he had doubts that the lack of action and death was satisfying enough for Anomie.

"We can take you to an establishment," Itachi stated. "But the journey will take at least another five hours, and nightfall is in less than 22 minutes. If night hits and our forces are spread out in the dark protecting you, chances of surprise attacks and death increase by fifty eight percent."

Anomie's scoff echoed in her mask as she continued wiping down her blade. "Probability isn't on your side, princess."

Yaya, having expressed her dislike of the leader early, merely snorted and crossed her arms. "Can't I at least have a blanket? Or will being warm increase the probability of death as well?"

Instead of getting annoyed at the woman's obviously annoyed retort, Anomie merely rolled up her sleeve and traced her fingertips over the seals on her arm. In moments, a blanket appeared in a cloud of smoke. She tossed it at the Umehoshi princess and the cloth landed perfectly on the woman's head.

"I hate you," Yaya muttered, shoving off the blanket from her head.

Anomie shrugged and went back to wiping down her blade. The life of a ninja. Anomie almost broke out in giggles at the thought, but didn't get the chance as her eyes snapped up, seconds after Itachi stood and ducked towards Yaya, grabbing her and darting away from the sudden barrage of power that destroyed the forest ground.

"Probability doesn't count for shit, we were attacked anyway," Tetsuna exclaimed, byakugan activated without a moment's notice. "Where's Koneko?"

"Preoccupied," Anomie murmured, eyes narrowed as her blade stopped the oncoming attack of a giant bandaged sword. The tree she once leaned back on was currently destroyed a foot away from her, and her arms shook with the tremor of the blue man's strength and blow that sent the ground underneath and the trees around to splinters.

The blue man grinned, his teeth an array of sharp canines. "You are fast."

"I think I ate your cousin for dinner last night," Anomie replied simply, trying to ignore that this man's strength was beginning to wear her arms out. "Is it racist to say that all sharks taste like gamy crap?"

In a split second of blinding anger, Anomie had her advantage and discovered the blue man's blazing weakness. She took her second to dissolve into smoke, causing the strength of the blade to fall forward an inch when the force of Anomie's katana fell to the ground and the girl had disappeared in a mere moment.

Itachi glanced around from the trees, but before he could sense her power, the girl was naked and in full form from next to him. Yaya, who looked to barely be recovering from the attack, spoke in a hushed whisper, "why is she naked?"

"I get off on it," Anomie answered, activating her seal until she was fully clothed once more. "Tetsuna, get Umehoshi out of here. Itachi and I will take care of dinner."

"Got it. Whatever," Tetsuna replied, grabbing the princess, despite said woman's complaints. "I like my sushi cooked."

"Trust me, this fire is roaring to go," Anomie raised her hand, and the moment Tetsuna jumped away, she snapped her fingers and the forest lit in flames.

"Kill or capture?" Itachi asked, and the girl glanced his way.

"Whichever is easier...he's damn strong," she answered, just before disappearing into the flames. "Distract and I'll go for the kill. You know what to do."

"Get out here you pussy," the blue man snapped, waving his sword to brush away the flames.

In moments, he was met with a barrage of perfectly aimed kunai, cascading and trapping him into a circle. Itachi's movements were so swift that the giant blue man had to take a swift step back in surprise. In moments, Itachi's body seemed to flicker away like an illusion that swarmed into a hundred black crows.

Anomie glanced towards the rising smoke, feeling the flames lick her skin, smoking and disappearing all around her. She could vaguely hear the sound of Itachi's fight, but she didn't open her eyes as she spread her fingers apart with her arms stretched open wide. The flames didn't hurt and her body spread apart with it as every fiber of her being spread into the flames.

"You are an impressive kid," the blue man stated, dodging Itachi's forceful attacks. "I'm not usually impressed, but I see you going far. I hate to admit it, but I'm getting depleted."

Itachi didn't comment or so much as blink when the fires erupted around the forest, all attacking the blue enemy ninja head on in a fiery explosion just as Itachi jumped back.

It was only forty minutes later after the flames took out a greater portion of the forest, did Tetsuna and Itachi find Anomie, dropping from a small cloud of smoke in the sky, naked and to the ground.

"Is he dead?" Yaya had asked from behind Tetsuna's body.

"He retreated," Anomie replied, standing straight as hair fell over her should. She was fully clothed by the time she stood straight and she wasted no time to tie her lose hair back into a bun, he Anbu mask still covering any possible expression.

"You blew up the forest," Tetsuna muttered, obviously displeased as her leader glanced her way.

"I will keep the ecosystem in mind next time I'm saving your life."

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"I don't know how you managed to do it, but I'm alive." Yaya stated, the outlines of Kumo in the distance. The girl could almost feel the tastes of home on her tongue. The girl glanced towards the Leaf team with an almost kind smile. "I rather thought you were a bunch of half assed freaks when I first met you, but I'm glad I was wrong."

"We are half-assing it," Tetsuna replied, her owl mask tilting to the side along with her head.

"Well, I can't wait to get home," Yaya happily skipped forward, and in a split moment, Itachi lurched forward, grabbing onto the girl and tossing her to the side.

The rest moved by in such a blur that Anomie almost found herself lost along side it, barely noticing when a giant blue arm wrapped around Tetsuna's fragile neck. Itachi stood, as if he hadn't just saved the Kumo princess's life and as if their teammate wasn't now between a shark and death.

"You really do amaze me kid," the blue shark said with a wide and toothy grin as his eyes glanced towards Itachi and Anomie's formations.

"Man, this sucks," Tetsuna murmured after a feeble attempt to get out from the blue man's hold.

"The name's Kisame, by the way," the fish said, flashing another predatory grin. "And I'm going to need the brat."

"What for?" Anomie asked simply.

"I have been paid to kill her. Safe to say that my organization needs the money," Kisame seemed to have no such problem in stating his intentions, but he was slightly unnerved by how calm Anomie was in her position. There wasn't an ounce of malice in her form, not a moment of stiffness in her spine, or a single bit of worry in her eyes. "So, I'll strike you a deal. You give me the Kumo bitch, and I'll let this girl live." Kisame's arm tightened around Tetsuna's throat.

"Okay, if you're gonna do something, do it now," Tetsuna muttered out, her Anbu mask falling off when Kisame's strong arm tightened around her neck.The girl was rather beautiful underneath the mask and she had bright blue eyes that went well with her pale skin. They were the eyes of a Hyūga. Anomie tilted her head as she relaxed her shoulders.

"Make your choice," Kisame stated. "I've never been a fan of hostage situations, so I'd rather get this over with."

"I've already made my choice," Anomie said simply, and Yaya felt a rush of fear when the pale pink eyes of the cat like girl landed on her.

Itachi knew better. He knew Anomie pretty well in his month of being on her team. She was the one who broke him into the life of a true ninja. A true soldier of this village.

Once again, Anomie's eyes were a void of blackness, and in a way it was rather impressive just how effectively she was able to shut off something as human as a conscious. Itachi knew that the white haired captain's default action was to protect the mission and the village. There was only one person who had any need to feel fear.

Anomie's hand faded into smoke and in an instant of movement her palm flushed through Tetsuna's chest, at the same time impaling Kisame's abdomen in one swift motion. The blood splashed over Anomie's mask, and Tetsuna's eyes had opened wide, and her mouth made a gurgling sound that proved Anomie's attack had pierced a lung.

"You bitch," Kisame muttered, jumping back and letting the Hyūga girl fall to the ground, legs giving away to the force of the blow just a second after Anomie jumped back.

"W-Why?" Tetsuna palmed the wound, as if trying to keep herself from falling apart as her blood spilled over the forest floor. She didn't have to be a Hyūga to recognize that her leader had punctured an artery.

"You know why," Anomie's voice wasn't harsh, just cold.

Actually, everything was cold, Tetsuna noticed with calm awareness.

Slowly, the girl fell back to the forest floor, her eyes closing for the last time.

"That was cold for a Leaf ninja," Kisame stated, holding his bleeding wound.

"I weighed my options and would formally like to reject your proposition," Anomie replied, barely moved when Kisame began to laugh. His laughter rumbled in his chest as he squeezed his fingers into his wound, bits of his blue flesh covered in red.

"I know when I've been outmaneuvered. I'm absolutely livid," Kisame still laughed as his eyes narrowed in mirth, glancing between Anomie and Itachi. After a solid minute, he let out a lower chuckle, "but at least I got to see something interesting," Kisame glanced between the two ninja once more, noticing Itachi had already helped the shell-shocked Yaya back to her feet. "As much as fighting you gets my blood pumping, I would rather see you another time."

And like that, with one last grin, Kisame rested his giant bandaged blade on his shoulder blades and disappeared.

"Why did you do it? She was your teammate?" the question wasn't asked until they were at the village gates, and some of the arrogance had left Yaya's eyes.

"I'd rather one dead teammate than risking this brittle bond between Konoha and Kumo." Anomie said simply, ignoring Yaya's frown. "It's not as if Owl did not know that."

"I don't think she did," Yaya murmured, later on as she watched the two ninja disappear into the trees.

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Anomie came back to her locker with murderer written in bold red print.

By the time Kakashi walked into the locker room, he found it empty but Anomie's locker was beaten with the engraving of fists. He could vaguely still see the almost unreadable markings. It was enough to see that they were written, but whatever they said had been damaged and smashed.

"You're her friend?" Itachi's voice was emotionless as he came up behind Kakashi's form.

They both said nothing about the damages, but Itachi swiftly noticed that although his locker was right next to hers, his didn't have a scratch.

"I doubt she believes she has friends," Kakashi finally murmured.

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"What do you mean I'm suspended?" The third Hokage was always one to pride himself on the ability to read people, but Anomie had always been that rare exception. That made it surprising to see the girl—who prided herself on the ability to hide emotions--lose such control and allow anger to flood into her voice.

Or perhaps it wasn't anger. Perhaps it was humility, sadness, doubt, betrayal—all the things that made this girl as unpredictable as the wind.

"I am afraid that the council and I have found this to be the only way," Sarutobi sounded tired, but she ignored it as easily as she ignored the bags under his eyes.

"I'm scape goat. You can't find the murderer so you've decided to shove punishment ahead without proper evidence," she said clearly, but almost immediately corrected her expression and her tone. "I get it. Your hand has been pushed. Innocent or not, I suppose I should ask why. What changed?"

"New bodies."

Her eyes widened in what seemed to be surprise, but the third Hokage wasn't able to put much thought into it before all her emotion disappeared entirely.

"Your Chakra residue was found in the premises. It was confirmed by the Hyūga," the third didn't look entirely convinced, and Anomie wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream.

The Hyūga. How convenient. She must have been on their list to be crucified since Tetsuna.

"I see," Anomie said slowly, and any fight Sarutobi might have found in the girl disappeared.

"You have nothing to say?" the elder to the third's right spoke up, and Anomie was certain that if he hadn't, she would have forgotten they existed.

"I see no point fighting a losing battle," she said, bowing her head. "I am a murderer. It's in your eyes. Nothing I say will change your mind."

"The suspicion is only the first step," Sarutobi spoke carefully. "Do you have any information that might plead your case?"

Again, the urge to laugh until she cried swallowed her whole.

"Nothing. Do what you must. The citizens must think that some action is going to be placed, otherwise they'll start believing they can do it themselves."

"You're taking this calmly....are you up to something else?" The elder's anger was weakly concealed in her voice. Anomie wanted to laugh again, but her eyes tore through the elder's scowl in so harsh a glare that the elder visibly retreated his accusation.

"Other than killing children," she barely contained the sarcasm. "Apparently not."

Sarutobi looked about ready to collapse on his desk by the time five Anbu appeared in a swift teleportation Jutsu, hands gripping Anomie's upper arms so tightly and yet she didn't so much as bat an eyelash.

"Just so you know...." she spoke up right when he thought she had given up. "More will die. Stripping me of my position won't do anything."

"Is that a confession of guilt?" one of the elder's voice's was harsh, but Anomie wasn't phased.

"I am guilty...of many acts that you privileged and avaricious old men would find deplorable, but I have never shied away from this guilt and I've admitted to every last one. I have redeemed myself of every one of my crimes and bled for this village. I will not admit to something I did not do." The elders were silent, having not expected such bold words from a woman who usually drank insults and criticism like a poison in her tea.

And Sarutobi believed her. Something in her eyes told him that he didn't make a mistake when he made her a ninja. Something in her eyes told him that she wasn't the killer they all thought she was—maybe she was a killer, but in no different a way than any one of them.

But what was he to do when Hyūga and Uchiha both wanted her head?

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Only when she lost it, did Anomie realize just how much being an Anbu meant to her. It was a special bond that made it feel like her ribs had been pulled out when it was taken away.

Killer.

Monster.

They were jarring words, written on the door to her apartment. She didn't know how long she stared at them and she didn't know how long the rage bubbled in her mind.

"This is what happens when you pretend to be the bad guy... " Kakashi's voice wasn't scolding or cruel, but they pierced a small hole in her psyche. She glanced up, finding his form leaning over the railing of his apartment balcony, his eyes trailed away from the script of his book and to her form. In a mere instant, he was next to her, his book nowhere in sight, "...people misunderstand your intentions."

At his comment it became difficult to ignore and repress the slight bubble of anger at the scraping and messy red script of 'murderer' on her door.

"People will misunderstand no matter what you do, Kakashi." Anomie's voice wasn't necessarily cold or cruel. She sounded almost tired instead. "People are stupid and ignorant." She placed her palm against the door handle, face emptying of emotion. "I don't care."

"You don't," Kakashi's brow rose into his headband, and Anomie glanced towards him. "Look at your hand."

In her palm, the door handle was crushed with the imprint of her fingertips. Even in this weakness, she was unable to loosen her grip. Kakashi's hand, almost hesitantly placed itself on Anomie's strengthened hold, for a moment, the anger in her eyes dissipated.

"It's okay to care," he murmured.

Her eyes instantly narrowed and any mood that was created was immediately cast aside when her darkened stare landed on him. "You don't know anything. Caring is a weakness."

"Then you are weak," Kakashi's voice was low and soft, nearly harsh, but his eye was empty to match.

"Why are you saying this? What do you-"

"I love you," Kakashi's words interrupted with such a hiss that Anomie's weakening resolve and softening gaze crystallized and disappeared. Despite the obvious retreat of the girl's emotion, he had never felt freer. And it was as the weight and realization of his confession had lifted a heavy burden off his shoulders.

So that was what she was...she was still that ember in his throat, and the closer he got to her, the more the warmth began to undo the barricade of ice around his heart.

"No. You don't," her silence stretched for an eternity before she spoke and her words felt like ice.

"Only I can decide that."

"No," she said simply.

"You don't just say no," Kakashi tried to keep the exasperation out of his voice, but the sound of it peaked in through it.

"You can't decide what I can and can't do," she glanced towards her door. "I am not sure what you expect from me, but-"

"I don't expect anything," his words made her glance his way as her head tilted to the side in a cat like motion.

"They always do," and in and instant her words were like broken shards of glass. "To be honest, maybe I am attracted to you. You are strong and confident, albeit less emotionally unavailable than I thought, but maybe that is my type." She smirked, taking a step closer and running her hand along his arm. It felt like static when she touched his skin and a trickle of annoyance caused his eye to narrow. "Maybe I should have sought you out that night instead of Genma." A spike of pain brushed his annoyance away.

How odd that one woman could make him feel so much all at once.

"Maybe...it would have been," she rose to the tips of her toes in so swift a motion that he instinctively leaned away before she could kiss him. Her lips perked in a smirk. "Electric. Hypothetical maybes. But do you know why I didn't choose you? Why your face didn't even cross my mind...?" In that moment, he knew she was on the defensive. He knew that her words would sting. "Because I don't love you. I barely even like you."

She leaned back in an instant, and he felt a stabbing pain push through his form with every breath.

"That's fine." He wasn't sure he even believed his own words, but something that crossed her face made him doubt the truth of anything she said.

Her eyes narrowed, and she made a motion to leave, ripping open the door. He knew that if he let her walk away, their bond would shatter into crumbles beneath their feet. Perhaps he always knew the thin wire they balanced on, and he wanted nothing more than to get to the end of their chase. She was no longer just An-chan, the girl that Rin would brag about nonstop during mission. She was no longer Koneko, the girl who could probably murder a village without shedding a tear.

No. She was just Anomie. The girl who gifted him with porn and held is hand and fell asleep on his shoulder. She was the girl who stole his food and snuck into his apartment at random hours of the week just to enjoy a bit of silence next to him. She was the girl whose hair smelled like melon and whose hands were always gentle when they pressed against his cheek.

Instinct drove him to grab her wrist and pull her back. The moment she turned, her face was contorted in annoyance, but didn't have the chance to speak when he gripped the back of her neck, barely remembering pulling his mask down. All he could think about were her lips, red as ever, pressing against his.

She pushed on his chest, but the moment he separated her eyes were so full of an emotion he had never seen. Those same hands that shoved him away were now pulling him into her face once more. She stepped back, almost subconsciously trying to get away as they entered her apartment.

She couldn't have chosen a worse way to explain what she wanted. She pushed with just as much force as she pulled. The sound of the door slamming with Anomie's back to it with such force that a loud crashing of a glass dish that once rested on the small table by the door now erupted on the ground. Pieces of glass crunched under their feet as Anomie's legs wrapped around Kakashi's waist in so tight a grip that he lost his breath.

"Stop," she mumbled in between kisses, and the moment the words left her lips, his movements halted so she was trapped in between him and the wall in silence.

His stare was so...gentle that she felt her hands quiver with the desire to touch him.

Violence...

She realized it slowly. She wanted to kiss him with so much violence that it hurt to resist.

She wasn't used to it, but it was like he was a magnet. She hated that the more she tried to push away the harder the force of the pull was.

A part of her mused the fact that if she wanted to, it could end with as simple a word as 'leave'.

It was so simple.

She knew it was simple.

Kakashi was a good man...probably better a man than she had ever been with.

But one word and that bond.... that thin and brittle bond would snap.

That bond that coiled around her neck and choked the life out of her would disappear.

Her brows furrowed together, as she placed her palm flat against his face. His cheek was warm. Her other arm stayed wound around the back of his neck, propping her body against his and her back against the wall. "If you kiss me one more time..." Anomie slowly whispered, her eyes narrowed as his burned holes through her head and through her irises. "I think the world might explode." Everything was fire where he touched and it was a sensation she had never felt before.

"It seems so," he whispered back.

He didn't waste another moment. His head tilted to the side and he claimed her lips once more. Her hands shook as she pulled towards him, and if he could feel it, he didn't say. His lips were soft and smooth, and his touch sent shivers of warmth through her body. It was a heat so harsh that she felt sparks at every touch. After all the men she had ever been with, all the pleasure she was forced to feel, she had almost forgotten what it felt like to actually desire someone.

She had forgotten what it was like to want someone. She had forgotten what it was like to want someone to kiss her. This desire made her wither with a fear she had forgotten existed in her veins.

She waited no further, shoving him off her so violently that his back hit the hardwood floor. She smirked, quickly tearing off her shirt and climbing on top of him in so fast a motion that he barely had a moment to process that she had pushed him until her lips were covering his once more. He slightly chuckled into the kiss, and it was a sound so low and throaty that she felt her fingers shake as they ran through his hair. His fingers ran up her bare back, tracing over her bra and up her spine.

"Shh," she murmured with a giggle into his ear, and she felt him pull her underneath him and his hand run up her side. She ran her fingers up his face, tossing away the headband with so quick a motion in order to look into both his eyes. It felt odd, naked, to look at her with both, but the tightening in his chest was almost too much to handle as he pushed his lips back onto hers with a small smirk.

Her fingers were woven so tightly into his hair that he could feel its sting. Everything about her was so brash and forceful, and yet her lips were so soft and her skin was smooth and tight and cold.

Sadly, he wasn't nearly as experienced as her bra proved to be nearly impossible to get off.

He contemplated tearing it off, but the moment the thought crossed his mind, he felt her break the kiss, mid laugh.

It was a sound he had never heard from her before. A sound so raspy and gentle that he barely had time to breathe.

"I guess you can't be good at everything," she murmured into his ear. Her tone wasn't cruel or mocking, and it took him a moment to realize that she was teasing him in a way unlike she had ever done before. Flirting. Her lips traced his ear mid-giggle as her hands ran down his back, playfully lifting his shirt. "That's okay," she whispered and he felt her slightly nibble on his ear in a rather affectionate a manner.

She ran her fingers underneath his shirt and up his spine.

"I'll teach you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named this chapter アマリリスベラドンナ (Amaririsu Beradonna)
> 
> Amaryllis belladonna are also known as "Naked Ladies" because the greenery comes up in Spring then dies back, as it goes dormant for the summer. In late summer a naked spike that resembles a cobra emerges out of the ground and then pops open produces many blooms that are a soft pink color. They smell like bubble gum and last for a long time in the garden and make a great long lasting cut flower.
> 
> The pink flowers of this plant have a lovely smell but contain poisons that cause cardiovascular collapse.


	16. Oreandā

CHAPTER FIFTEEN  
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–•–

**SHAME WAS AN EASY PIT TO FALL INTO, AND THE STIGMA OVER PROMISCUITY** made it easy for young girls to value their worth, based on the notches in their bed. Still,Anomie was never ashamed of what she was: Oiran.

Oiran was a dirty word to public ears. It was an insult—an embarrassing stain on any village that held themselves to supporting a brothel. It was a dirty profession. A violent profession that often left bruises on a girl's skin. It was a heartbreaking profession when a girl's child was murdered before it had a chance to let out its first cry.

Anomie _hated_ the profession, but she had never been ashamed of it.

She hated being touched. She hated when someone forced a kiss on her lips. She hated when someone struck her in the face out of jealousy or just a desire to remind her that she was a lower being—not worthy of care.

She hated when men would grip her wrists or run their calloused hands up her sides and over her breasts.

She hated it, but being an Oiran was all she was good at.

She knew what to say to make a man desire her. She knew where to touch. She knew how to touch. She knew how to make her muscles constrict for their utmost pleasure. She knew how to pretend to fall in love.

Being an Oiran was all she was good at, until she realized she was good at killing.

She doubted anyone cared what taking away her purpose would do to her. All she wanted was to protect this stupid village—that was her only purpose. It was all she was good for.

"Stop," Kakashi voice murmured before she could so much as remove her bra.

"Why?" The affectionate tone from before left her voice until all that was left was a girl staring at him through thick lashes. Her hair was scattered over her shoulders, and her bangs were messy as she tilted her head to the side. Her form still sat mounted on his lap when he ran a hand through his white locks.

"I can't do this," he mumbled, and practically forced her off of him.

"Was this not what you wanted?" Anomie's voice was chilled, and all echo of her earlier laughter or flirting tone had dissipated. She smirked, unhooking her bra and letting it fall. Not once, however, did Kakashi's gaze stray from her eyes. "You wanted me...did you not? I can tell you wanted me."

"Maybe, but not when you are like this," he stated, and her eyes narrowed.

She didn't look phased when she gripped his hand and placed it on her breast. She could feel his pulse through his wrist, speeding up even though his expression remained neutral. "I'm just doing what you want. It's what they all want."

His expression didn't change, even when he took a step closer and forced her grip from his hand, placing her cheeks in between his palms. "I won't be your excuse for self destruction."

"What changed?" Her expression pulled into something ugly, a brief display of anger before it disappeared.

"You don't flirt, Anomie—not like that," Kakashi's voice was simple. "That isn't something that you do. I know an act when I see it. You play it well, but I know you." She opened her lips to snap, but his lips pressing against her forehead broke her away from a coherent sentence. "I won't become your excuse."

She wasn't certain how long she stood there until she realized she was humiliated.

Once again, without failure, she had lost something again.

She wasn't even capable of being an Oiran anymore.

The feeling made her heart pound in her chest until all she could hear was the palpitation in her head. She heard his voice, maybe, maybe not, but slowly her gaze met his. "Am I not beautiful enough?" Her voice turned cold, and he was vaguely reminded of a cornered feline, set to attack. "Did my kiss not satisfy? Is my chest too small? Too big?"

"Don't do that," Kakashi said simply, covering her shoulders with a blanket from the bed.

"Do what?" Anomie's eyes narrowed, gripping her hair in a fist and turning her head so violently that he was forced to see the branding on the back of her neck before she shoved her small palms into his chest. "This is what am! This is all I am! Just kiss me...I know you want to!" She shoved her palms into his chest again, and the force would have likely knocked a weaker man off his feet, but Kakashi didn't so much as budge as his expression turned impassive. "I know you want to!" Her palms clenched into fists until she was slamming her hands onto his chest.

He let her, and saw the mask she wore, for a split second, finally crack and her hits grew rougher as her eyes filled with tears.

"Just..." She barely realized she had started crying and by the time the tears had come, her cheeks were crowded with untapped moisture as her punches grew weaker. "This is all I'm good at..."

"It's not," Kakashi said simply, gripping onto her sides before she could collapse and when she glanced up towards his eyes, she found he had blocked her off from being able to read him. Or maybe she had blocked herself off, for she couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"Being an Oiran is all I have left," Anomie's voice cracked, and when she looked back up into his eyes, he noticed the violent anger had dissipated. For a moment, she almost looked her age. He saw a scared and confused 17-year-old girl. "There's nothing else..."

He didn't say anything for a moment. "It's okay." his whisper was hoarse, muffled by her hair as he kissed her head and embraced her.

"It's not...It's never been okay," she whispered, and the sobs wrecked her body until she collapsed in his arms.

"It will be...I don't believe you killed anyone," his voice was almost gentle.

"It doesn't matter...I will be tossed under...This village doesn't care about you or me or Rin or Obito or anyone..." her murmuring was cold, and his arms tightened. "I have nothing...Fighting is all I can do...Sex is all I'm good for and even you don't want me."

He pulled away, pressing her cheeks in between his palm. "I've always wanted you..."

Her eyes were haunting, but he met her gaze straight on. She didn't speak, she only closed her eyes, tears squeezing out between the lids. "Even like this...? You still want me?"

"Are you giving me permission?" Kakashi's lips quirked into a smirk.

Despite the tears, her lips quirked into a smile as she wiped the moisture away from her cheeks before it could fall into her lips. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into..."

Kakashi raised a brow, glancing over her form, noticing that her heart-rate, that once skyrocketed, had slowed while she pulled the blanket closer around her chest. "Interesting choice of words...considering." She wasn't certain how long she sat their, absorbed in Kakashi's arms, but not once did he let go, and for a moment, she almost contemplated closing her eyes and enjoying it.

He was warm, and he smelled like vanilla and lavender. It was _intoxicating_ and she was nearly lost in his embrace. His arms were locked around her, and she could hear the beating of his heart through the thin material of his shirt.

Once more she smiled away her tears. "I'm embarrassed..." she finally admitted, taking a step back. She glanced around at her clothes that she had tossed around with a sigh. She refused to meet his eye as she picked up her fallen clothes that had scattered.

"I was beginning to think you didn't get embarrassed," Kakashi said simply, and Anomie slightly smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile and came out bitter.

"Well, that's because you don't really know me."

"I know enough."

Anomie glanced at him through thick lashes, activating one of her seals, causing her to become fully clothed by the time he blinked again. There were so many questions at the tip of her tongue, but she spoke of none of them and merely opened and closed her lips over again before shaking her head and dropping the blanket to the ground.

"Now I'm really embarrassed," she murmured, running a hand through her hair. "I don't suppose we can pretend these last fifteen minutes didn't happen?"

His eyes were slightly colder by the time she met them again, "Is that your solution for everything?"

"Maybe it is," she admitted, slowly assessing the anger in his eyes. It disappeared moments later and all that was left was calm nothingness.

"Fine," he said simply, taking a step closer. "It never happened." He took another step closer, brushing his lips against hers, very briefly that she barely felt it. His eyes were dark when they connected with hers again. "That didn't either." His lips pressed against hers again, this time with a bit more pressure. "And that."

Her fingers twitched at her side with the sudden desire to pull him closer, but she held it down. "Kakashi-" His lips broke off her words again, this time with a kiss hard enough to push her head back a bit further. Up close, the smell of warm vanilla grew stronger.

"Or that," he mumbled when he separated, and she narrowed her gaze slightly until she let out a heavy and labored breath.

"None of it," she mumbled in return.

He raised a brow, running his fingers down her jaw, and for a moment her shoulders slightly relaxed.

"None of it," she repeated with a bit more force.

He sighed, but let out a chuckle, leaning his forehead against hers. "You are too stubborn."

"You are persistent on attempts to see a light in me that doesn't exist."

His eyes snapped open in a deadpan before letting out a scoff and opened his lips to make a witty retort, but she interrupted.

"I'm tired...embarrassed...and annoyed," she mumbled, and he separated, his expression empty. "How about we put this on hold and...you stay."

"Pardon?" His expression grew amused when he noticed that her eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

"Stay," she forced out the words. "With me...tonight...just...sleep."

He could tell she was having trouble with her request, so he gave up on teasing her because it was probably the only time she would ever be so open and honest.

"I'll be gone long before you wake though," she mumbled, walking over until her back hit the bed, rolling over so she could cover her face that was oddly enough burning.

He didn't touch her when he laid down next, and merely laid with a hand under his head, propped on a pillow with his other hand curled over his chest.

It was a weird feeling...a new feeling, but she wanted him to touch her.

Not like before, where she kissed him with violence and anger and desperation. Not like before where she wanted him to squeeze the life out of her...where she wanted to die in his arms. Not like before at all.

It was a feeling pure. A pure emotion as light as his feathery kisses.

It was a sickening feeling that made her insides melt. She hated every moment of it.

But a feeling so strong that she doubted it would ever part.

Mostly, she wished she could forget her past. She wished she could forget the calloused hands running up her breasts or the tears when she was nine years old and taken by an old man who said she was beautiful. She wanted to forget the tears that lasted for days--weeks with no reprieve. She wanted to forget when she was struck or almost strangled while she laid on her back and wished he would strangle a bit longer to just end her suffering.

She wanted to forget Anomie and go back to Fuyu. Innocent, stupid, _pure_ Fuyu who was gentle and kind.

 _"Fuyu was the name of a street rat, without family or life. Anomie is lucky. It brought me life and education and purpose..."_ Anomie could remember Rin's face when she closed her eyes and it sent a wave of sorrow to flow through her heart. _"It was also the name I had when I met you."_

The memory, painful as it was, made Anomie's lips slightly curl upwards.

Fuyu never knew Rin...the kind girl who saved her life and healed her wounds. The kind girl who took her in without any expectancy of getting anything in return.

No one had ever treated Anomie so selflessly before Rin.

Anomie felt a rush of emotions she couldn't decipher and barely noticed she had begun to cry until she felt Kakashi's fingers wrap around her palm. It was an innocent touch, and it almost made her feel (no matter how brief the feeling passed) innocent as well.

For tonight, she could pretend to forget about Anomie, about Rin, about everything painful and just be Fuyu again.

She barely noticed her fingers squeezing back.

She could pretend the sun didn't have to rise in the morning as well.

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"I see you're still strong under suspicion," Orochimaru's voice was slick and smooth, causing Anomie to have to hold back a shiver as she leapt from the crater in the ground. Once more, she noticed that his expression had chilled.

"You should see me in a prison cell," she said in return, rolling her eyes as she tried to hold down her attitude towards his snake like charm.

Orochimaru let out a chuckle, crossing his arms over his chest as his head tilted to the side. "You are more focused now." His observation was smooth, and Anomie held back the urge to raise a brow, deciding that offending him was not in either of their best interests.

"When people think you are a child serial killer, it tends to hold off the prospect of wanting to be your friend," she answered, taking an inhale of breath, her eyes tracing over Orochimaru's smirk.

"Luckily I offered to keep watch over you then," his voice was smooth and clear, soothing her doubts. No one questioned whatever Orochimaru wanted to do, at least not outwardly. A Sannin war hero, trained by the third Hokage himself was a difficult prospect to argue against.

She would rather Orochimaru be her captor than some annoying Anbu ninja who already thought her guilty.

"You never asked," her own voice surprised her, as she hadn't meant to speak. "If I actually killed those children."

"I have no need to ask," he said, slightly smirking when he noticed her brows furrow. "I already know you didn't do it."

"How do you know?"

"It's a bit too convenient for your trace of Chakra to be found on the body," he stated, before smirking at her expression of skepticism. "Of course I read the report." He waved his hand outwardly before tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear. "You're careless and rash sometimes, but you are by no means stupid. It would be a rookie mistake if this was your doing."

"You're saying I'm being framed?" Anomie had thought so as well.

"Quite," he said, taking a step forward, watching the rage ignite and dissipate in her eyes. "I don't believe in coincidence. The killer wouldn't allow herself to be found at the scene of every dead body. If you were that stupid, I wouldn't have looked twice at you."

She wanted to smile, but the rage boiled in her chest so violently that she wanted to scream. "It seems someone in this village wants me gone..."

"Who better to blame than you?" he said in reply. "You have no family. No friends. No one who cares enough to be your alibi. The elders are lazy and corrupt. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to sweep all the trouble your way to get the citizens off their backs. How coincidental that the bodies were all in line with your patrol zones? Who else but the ones who assign the patrols would know how to frame you so drastically? Why would they want to deal with these murders and the Uchiha coup at the same time?"

"Uchiha coup?" The words spewed out from Anomie's lips so fast that she missed the slight glimmer of amusement in Orochimaru's eyes.

"They truly are keeping you in the dark, Anomie," his voice slithered into a whisper that caused her eyes to narrow. "Even the new Anbu recruits know that the struggles between Uchiha and Konoha have grown to boiling proportion. No one has even let a murmur slip to you." He raised his fingers and brushed it against her cheek and she felt the rage ignite once more.

"I see," was all she managed out as she squeezed her eyes shut to drown out the anger.

His fingers brushing against her cheek wasn't comforting, but oddly she craved his touch of affection. His murmur of praise. His poison of truth.

"Have you ever wondered whether or not you are apart of this village...or stuck on the outside?" he asked, and her eyes snapped open while he let his hand fall.

_She hadn't._

All she ever wanted was to kill Konoha's enemies...but what if she were to become an enemy of Konoha? Was that where this was leading her?

"Have you ever wondered if Konoha even deserved your loyalty?" his voice drew closer to her ear and she suppressed a shiver.

"What else would I give loyalty to?" she asked in return, for her village was long sense burned to the ground with no survivors. Kumo had been thorough apart from herself.

Orochimaru's head tilted as if he had to think about his answer when they both knew he had already figured it out. "Yourself...and me."

"You speak as if..." she murmured in a whisper, but she broke off at his smirk.

"As if?"

"As if you were not a Konoha ninja."

"I am so much more...and you could be to," he said in reply, his eyes glinting.

No one had ever given her so much meaningful praise, and she found herself drawn in like a moth to a flame. "Could I?"

"Without a doubt."

She let out a sigh, her shoulders relaxing at the concept of being more...more than a killer...more than a fighter...more than a whore...just _more_.

"What would you be willing to do for your dream of power?" he asked and she glanced up through thick lashes.

As if he didn't know the answer.

Anomie didn't know how, but Orochimaru knew everything. Everything about her. Everything about every inner corner of her heart.

"Anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oleander (Oreandā) (オレアンダー) are poisonous flowers. Due to its origin in the Mediterranean region it is very resistant to drought hence all along the summer and the warm months it can thrive and create flashy blooms. The hazardous oils that constitute the plant poisons can become airborne and may cause difficulty in breathing when inhaled.
> 
> In the complex language of love practiced during the time of Queen Victoria, Oleander means caution. It can also mean beguiling seduction.
> 
> As a superstition, it was said that an Oleander should never be kept in the bedroom as it will bring sickness to the room.
> 
> In Greek Myth, the Oleander is associated with charm and romance. The origin of the name was said to have come from a young man whose ardour to his Lady Love ended in a tragedy. The young man was named Leander and out of sheer determination to see his love swam the Hellespont every night.
> 
> In one dreadful night however, while trying to reach a blossom of the plant for his lady, he drowned and so the sweet tryst of the lover ended. In the morning, his precious lady longing for his love can be seen shouting and with such forlorn cried "O Leander!", "O Leander!" in the banks until finally he found and clasp in his hands are these sweet flowers who has now become a symbol of everlasting love – Oleander!
> 
> I chose it to represent Anomie's character- because through all the bad, she resists death and defeat, bringing others down with her with her slightly toxic nature.


	17. Ningyō no Me

CHAPTER SIXTEEN  
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–•–

**AS DIFFICULT AS IT WAS TO DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT BARAGE OF OF OBVIOUS** disdain from the village that now condemned her, she was still unsure of what she felt. Perhaps due to everyone always expecting something of her, she enjoyed her time with Orochimaru who seemed to only just see her potential while everyone else saw her guilt.Anomie wasn't certain how much time had passed after Orochimaru left her in the training grounds, her arms bruised and battered as she stared into the distance. Oddly enough, he left her there unattended—without guard or watch.

In a way, it felt like an action of utmost trust that slightly warmed her heart in a way she found unexpected.

In that moment, her mind fell in silence and she decided she would live for him. She would kill for him. She would do whatever he asked.

In that moment—pure as day—she decided that her loyalty would be to Orochimaru and Orochimaru only.

After all, Chakra called to Chakra and theirs was completely identical.

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"Haven't you grown restless under the rule of Hiruzen Sarutobi?" Danzo's approach had managed to surprise the stoic Kakashi, causing the boy to turn his gaze onto Danzo's figure. The man was bandaged and looked rather fragile to be so high in the council, but Kakashi knew better than to judge the man by appearances. "Hatake Kakashi, is that correct?"

It had been a while since Kakashi had visited Rin's grave, as guilt had festered him to keep a distance, so he was rather irritated to be interrupted. He knew not to let the irritation show, so he settled for glancing towards Danzo's oncoming figure.

"I do not understand the purpose of your question," Kakashi admitted, and Danzo's lips quirked into a sly smile.

"I want you to work under me...what do you say?" Danzo asked, and Kakashi's brows rose into his headband for a moment, but his expression stayed blank.

"I am Anbu captain, Lord Danzo," Kakashi replied, and watched as Danzo's lips continued to stay quirked into a calm smirk.

"Yes, I am afraid I might be coming to you rather late, but I was uncertain," Danzo's eyes crinkled when his gaze met Kakashi's straight. "You are quite the fighter and you've built a name for yourself...but underneath the thumb of Hiruzen Sarutobi, your talents are wasted. I can offer you more and was it not the Third Hokage's peace loving tactics that dragged this war and caused so many... _unnecessary_ casualties?" Kakashi noticed Danzo's eyes linger on the grave behind the silver haired boy's back. "Did they not drive Obito and Rin to their deaths?"

Kakashi's gaze slightly darkened, and he made a move to speak, but Danzo beat him to it.

"Furthermore, was it not the Third who commanded you from fighting on the night of the Nine Tail's rampage? Isn't that why the Fourth lost his life?" Danzo's stoic expression turned grave. "Wasn't it by the Third's order that nothing has been done about the murders and dissections of our own village children?" Kakashi's expression darkened further. "Was it not the Third who continues to allow these injustices to be swept under and towards a very unlikely suspect just to avoid conflict?"

"What is it that you want from me?" Kakashi asked.

"I want you to help me right these injustices. One step at a time."

"And what would you have me do?" Kakashi asked simply.

"I needed you to become captain for these...mission plans are passed directly to you. I of course needed to verify the Third's plans for this village. I don't want to believe that he's used these recent tragedies to gain more power, but he has given me no sign that he has the best interests of this village. The brittle bonds with Kumo and Iwa are still at our door and the threat of the Uchiha clan along with the unrest of the village through these recent murders will leave our gates open for attack."

Kakashi didn't want to believe the words coming from Danzo's lips, and he didn't want to believe that the Third had intentionally gotten so many killed for his rise of power. Yet, he remembered the war...children fought under the orders of Hiruzen Sarutobi. Children died under Sarutobi and Danzo had been right about another thing. The peace seeking methods _had_ gotten Kirigakure to turn on Konoha. If the Third had acted quicker, Rin would be alive.

Rin and Anomie would be happy together.

 _Anomie_ would happy.

And yes, he would probably be happy as well.

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"You look...unwell." Anomie's voice was distant, and caught Kakashi's surprise as he glanced at her form, sprawled out on his bed. He could vaguely feel the presence of Anbu ninja, stationed out her door.

"You shouldn't be here," Kakashi said with an exasperated sigh that caused her head to slightly tilt.

"You're watching me. No one will question you, captain." The way she said it was slightly mocking, and she sat up. "Don't avoid the question. You look _disturbed_."

"I'm fine," Kakashi said simply, attempting to walk past her, but her fingers wound around his wrist. Her grip held so firmly that he knew if he tried to break free then she'd end up on the ground. He glanced down at her tightened grip, vaguely aware of the shiver traveling up his spine at her light touch.

He was powerless by the time she knocked his Anbu mask off his face. Memories of last week flooded his mind as he tried to forget the feeling of her lips. It helped that he _knew_ she was crazy and he _knew_ what her reaction would be, but it didn't stop his mind from wandering.

"You're troubled," she stated, looking deep into his eyes and nearly dropping his wrist. "Why?"

"None of your business," he said simply, and she didn't so much as flinch at his cold tone of voice.

In fact, her lips quirked upwards, "I can keep secrets, Kakashi. You _can_ tell me."

Kakashi's eyes met hers, and he felt his control almost slip as his gaze darkened, "Do you ever blame the Third?"

She raised a single brow, tilting her head subtly to the side, "For what?"

"The war...Minato's death...the prosecution...your suspicion. Rin's death..." he saw her freeze at the mention of Rin's name.

 _Nonsense_ _Kakashi, I blame you for Rin's death,_ Anomie thought with a sigh, but those were words she could never say to him.

She slightly smiled. "No...I don't," she said after a single moment of silence. "I am obviously not his biggest supporter right now, but I don't believe that the war was his fault...I don't believe he caused its extension. One man cannot cause so much death. Not even the leader of Konoha. I'm grateful to the Third...he may have taken away my purpose and made me feel like an outsider to this village, but he was also the one who allowed me to stay here. He's a kind leader...sentimental at times, but _kind_."

Kakashi's shoulders sunk, and he let out an exasperated sigh, "Thank you...Anomie."

"For what?" She asked.

Kakashi shook his head, slowly resting his forehead against hers and he felt her freeze from underneath his touch.

"Just thank you."

"You know...if there is ever a moment where you need my assistance...I would help you." Anomie's voice was small, almost childish as if she wasn't offering to murder his enemies.

"You're on house arrest, Anomie." Kakashi slightly separated, still vaguely aware that her fingers were still wrapped around his wrist.

"You think that they could keep me here if I wanted to escape?" She slightly smiled, her lips quirking in a cold grin. "Did you forget who I am?"

Kakashi's darkened gaze met hers as he glanced down into her eyes, "Not even for a second."

Her expression flickered to something unknown before growing empty as she glanced down at their conjoined hands. She wasn't certain when she had held onto his hand, but it didn't seem to matter as she was already gripping onto it for dear life.

"I believe times are about to change...in a bad way," she turned her gaze up towards him, her eyes still cold, but her touch was warm. "A war can rise upon us if we're not careful."

"We're never careful," he stated slowly, and more than anything, he wanted to hold her. He wanted to have her in his arms for one night, because for some odd reason, it felt like their time was limited and that the next time he looked her way she'd be _gone_. He often told himself that was what he needed and that was what he should want.

Still he could not let her go.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"I am assigning these missions to specific Anbu divisions. A few Anbu will be selected to guard the Feudal Lord's procession back to his prefecture," Hiruzen Sarutobi stated, sitting cross-legged as his eyes swept across the room and took in the Anbu's chorus of agreement. To his left was a stack of scrolls that caught Kakashi's eye before his gaze drifted back down to the ground. "This is the plan."

It wasn't until he was handed one that he bowed in respect and he waited until the dead of night to seek out Danzo. The Root division was normally a secret kept deadly quiet, and Kakashi had never thought he'd live to see the hideout in person.

The metal pillars run high, and his feet stuck to the ends easily as he folded his body closer. The drop down was high, but he never had a fear of heights, even as a kid and he easily jumped down.

However, what he wasn't expecting was the roots to raise from the shadows, causing him to let out a small hiss of, "Wood style?" He barely had time to jump away from the attack.

He wasn't certain how the fight would have ended had Danzo not interrupted. He had never fought against a wood style and its very existence had been unheard of since the fall of Hashirama. It proved difficult to look away from the boy, even after he handed Danzo the scroll.

It was much later, after a nightmare, that he felt the need to know more. As captain, sneaking into the research library in the Hokage's main corridors wasn't difficult. Remaining unseen while he looked through the history of Hashirama was challenging, and ultimately futile when the Third caught him trying to peer through the now empty envelop labeled "TOP SECRET".

The Third wasn't upset when he tossed the files in front of him, and all but commanded him to "Read them" as he slowly reached for the documents.

"It's true," The Third began, his voice far and distant. "There was a time when we tested our limits to transplant Lord Hashirama's cells...but one by one they failed and the lives sacrificed increased. Either the Sharingan or Wood style is necessary to control a Tailed Beast...we deemed it better to have a balance, and not hold the entire fate of the demon on Uchiha. After all the lives lost continued to grow, we sealed and named that Jutsu 'forbidden'."

Hiruzen's eyes grew more nostalgic, almost pained, as they met Kakashi's anxious stare.

"As you are well aware, recently more and more citizens...Genin, Chūnin...and even some members of Anbu have gone missing." The Third's eyes lifted towards Kakashi's expectant face.

Anomie flashed in his mind for a mere instant, and he suppressed his anger as he clenched his hands into fists.

"You believe that's where these deaths have come from...that they are experiments to revive this Jutsu?" Kakashi's voice was empty, but his bitterness flooded his mind at such a thing being the cause of her suffering.

"What's even more disturbing...is the incidents of newborn children that have gone missing," Sarutobi took a step closer, his hands spreading over the documents on the table in an almost nostalgic wave of fingers. "Newborn children's kidnapping dates much further back than a 17 year old girl could have performed."

"You don't suspect Anomie?" Kakashi blurted out but silenced himself moment later. The Third's eyes were grave.

"Of those confirmed, there have been almost 200 kidnappings. Unconfirmed would make the numbers skyrocket."

"Then who could have...?"

"What I'm about to tell you is hearsay..." Sarutobi's eyes rose from his hat, which once shadowed much of his face. "Someone is continuing these experiments and trying to implant the cells of Hashirama...perhaps even do greater than that."

"Why would someone...?"

"There are those who wish to obtain every Jutsu that exists. Even I have wondered sometimes, if only there were someone capable of producing a Wood Style Jutsu and had that been the case...the Fourth wouldn't of been forced to sacrifice his life. Mind you, this is all unproved rumors."

"What if...someone was able to transplant Hashirama's cells into infants?"

"Transplanting into infants is forbidden. It would also go far beyond anything Anomie was capable of doing," Hiruzen comments, his eyes darkening. "The possibility of this even being successful is extremely low...However...if the first infant is still alive and lived through the progression...they would be...10 years old by now....but you should possibly know that the kidnappings might have been as early as eighteen years ago...any child who survived those experiments would be in between 17 and 10." Sarutobi turned his back towards Kakashi's widening eyes and continued to walk out the library. "Anomie's abilities are quite out of the ordinary...and her Chakra is quite unique..."

"What are you trying to say?"

"What indeed..." Before Kakashi could ask the Third to clarify, he had already disappeared.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

That boy. The one who was able to perform wood style Jutsu. Kakashi wondered vaguely if he shouldn't have let him escape and the guilt of nearly betraying the Third Hokage festered in his mind.

A part of him even wondered if he was qualified for Anbu, and the heels of his palms dug into his eyes before he could stop himself. He wondered if the Third made the right decision in letting him stay, even though he nearly helped Danzo have him assassinated. It seemed like nearly every decision he has been making lately has been wrong.

His bed felt uncomfortable and sickening from underneath him. He leaned back, hoping to sleep away the shame as a part of him questioned if maybe he wasn't qualified for being a Shinobi at all.

Before he could get much farther with that thought, he saw the vague glimpse of smoke rise from next to him, slowly tucking under the covers of his sheets. In moments, it took corporeal form and Anomie was lying next to him.

"You realize that the rules are implemented for you to obey them," he muttered, but her presence made his heart ease with its violent and stress-filled tremor. He noticed she hugged the sheets to her naked body before activating a seal so she was dressed.

"I felt your Chakra," she whispered, turning her head so her eyes rested against the white of his hair and down to the dip of his collarbone. "I noticed you've been worried lately and sadly I don't have much else to do all day but wonder."

He sighed, but his heart trembled in his chest with a fluttering that he tried to snuff out so she wouldn't become unstable again. He didn't want to see her cry. "I am a guy, you know that right?"

Her lips curved into an amused smile. "I realize that, yes."

"And yet here you are, appearing naked in my apartment." He immediately knew by her mocking smile, that she understood that he was trying to change the subject.

"I have the ability to nearly evaporate. I think my fears are quite quenched, don't you think?" Her words weren't cold and for a moment he grew surprised when she sat up and faced him. Her white hair cascaded down her shoulders, and her hand rested so close to his that he was tempted to cover it with his palm.

"I found out something...about you," he whispered, and she glanced his way.

"Is that so?" Her voice was slightly cold.

"The children and ninja who have gone missing...kidnappings have dated back to 17 years ago." At the sound of his voice, he half expected to see her surprised, but instead her shoulders slumped. "The Hokage said there was something...odd about your Chakra."

"Are you implying something?"

"So many children went missing around the time of your birth. All in Konoha. Have you heard anything? Any suspicion that might tie you to this?" At his question, she glanced his way. In her eyes was darkness, barely illuminated by the slight shine of the candles in the apartment.

"I suspect no such thing," she stated with a simple shrug.

He couldn't tell if she was lying, but he wanted to believe that she told the truth.

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Orochimaru continued operating as if Danzo had never stepped in the room, but his eyes slightly narrowed in the man's direction as he stood to his left. "We must cease contact."

"Why is that?" Orochimaru's voice was empty.

"Kakashi has betrayed me and I fear Hiruzen is starting to doubt the possibility of Anomie being the killer." Danzo's voice was crisp, and Orochimaru's only raised a brow.

"That's not good. In time, he might have learned about this place and its secrets," at Orochimaru's words, Danzo's gaze narrowed. "It is the Third Hokage we're dealing with after all. I doubt he ever believed that someone like Fuyu-chan could ever perform such actions. She's a soldier. If you get her on the right side, she'd do whatever she's told."

"Have you been able to recreate her abilities into any of the other Iburi children?" Danzo's questioning made Orochimaru's lips pull into a sneer.

"Unfortunately, only one of them seems to have the slightest bit of potential, but what happened to Fuyu-chan was an abnormality of chance and coincidence. If she had not gotten that seal removed, she'd have died. If Jiraiya had not been the one to remove it, she'd have died _slowly_. It was by chance and circumstances that I have been unable to recreate. There simply aren't enough Iburi children to try."

"Quite a shame to scrap that project."

"I haven't scraped anything. Her talents are extraordinary and even she does not yet know their limits. What I did to that child nearly drained me..."

"I see. You're reluctant to let the Chakra you've given her go to waste."

"It's not every day that a Chakra replacement of that nature goes right. Again, by all extensive purposes, she should already be dead. It's only fitting that her life is mine now."

"Do with it what you will, but remember why your doing it."

"For the good of Konoha, correct, Danzo?" Orochimaru's lips twisted in a sly grin, and Danzo seemed reluctant to answer. "You should be thanking her. Due to her experiments, did we not discover that Chakra replacements are even possible?"

"You were instructed on discretion," Danzo replies with a bitter glare. "Flaunting these experiments have gained us nothing."

"They got Fuyu-chan back to me," Orochimaru said wth a grin. His eyes ran over to Danzo's bandaged arm. "Hers was one of the very first successful transfers of a Kekkei Genkai. Think of all that knowledge in her blood."

"And what purpose is that knowledge?" Danzo's eyes were hard, unbending, and cold.

"Like I said, the good of Konoha."

Orochimaru shook his head and tore off the thin plastic gloves.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

He had a dream of lightning that night. His hands were covered in the blood of his teammate. Her eyes were wide and open in fear with the glistening of tears creating a river down her cheeks. The lightning crackled and he wanted nothing more than to make it all disappear.

Just as he thought it had, she whispered out, "Kakashi" in such a low voice that he thought is insides would spill out. In moments, her face morphed into Obito and then Kushina and then Minato, all reminding him of the people he couldn't save.

He woke up with a jolt, and he went straight for the sink, trying to scrub his hands free of the blood that caked in between his fingers. However, no matter how he tried, it would not dissipate and he could feel the urge to nearly rip the skin off, but instead he turned off the water and dropped to his knees.

It had been months since he last had that dream, and yet it still hit him as hard as the first night Rin died. He began to wonder if he'd ever come back from it all. He rested his head in between his knees and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the blood that he knew still caked on his hands.

"You shouldn't get near me," Kakashi's voice came out in a harsh whisper, almost a beg that caused Anomie's head to tilt as he continued to placed his head into his knees.

She wasn't certain why she couldn't stay away, and the feeling was foreign to her, but her time was starting to feel more and more limited. A part of her only wanted to be next to him and yet seeing him sitting by the sink brought her memories of the many times she'd catch him trying to scrub his hands free of Rin's blood that no longer even rested on his skin.

Her heart shook in her chest at the memory and she dropped to her knees in front of him.

His hands were shaking, still dripping with cold water and red from scrubbing. Once more, he had been unable to get the blood off his skin. No matter how long he washed, it simply wouldn't disappear.

He didn't want Rin's blood on Anomie's hands. He knew that Rin's death nearly destroyed the girl and he couldn't add anymore burden of its presence.

It was in those moments that he felt her hands lightly grab his, causing his eyes to snap up to meet her unwavering gaze. Her lips quirked up for a mere moment as she pressed her lips against the back of his hands and pressed them against her cheek.

He felt his heart quicken, painfully against his chest. His eyes traced over her lips, over and over until he memorized them. Her skin against his made his body burn like that of a warm crackling fire.

"They're clean," Anomie's voice was kind in a way he had never heard before. He couldn't control his actions as his head fell onto her shoulder and his hands gripped her waist.

His body craved her touch and the moment his skin came in contact with hers, it was as if all his suffering had disappeared. It was replaced with the soft burn of her lips against his hand, with the timid flare of her eyes, and the scathing rush of her touch.

But he didn't touch her further. He didn't give into the urge because in that instant, a part of him must have always known that what Anomie needed wasn't the same thing he felt he needed from her. She needed a friend.

He could be a friend for now.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

It was on the eve of a full moon where the night hung in the sky and the villagers were caught up in passing whispers. It was on that dark night that the next murder was discovered. The only difference was that this time it wasn't a corpse in the road, and rather, a laboratory—turned into a tomb.

Bodies, helpless and thrown aside, scattered on the tables. As far as Kakashi could see, no kindness had been taken to their forms. Kakashi could hear the inhale of crow from next to him, and he nearly glanced over at the whisper of, "Koneko strikes again."

He had to push down his retort due to inappropriate timing.

Even if he had thought Anomie was a heartless murder, this wasn't how she'd do it. He knew that and he'd seen how she killed. It was gory, but never intentionally torturous. She would never do this to random people.

The bodies here were strewn to the side and some were hooked up to wires and others were inside glass containers filled to the brink with an unidentified liquid.

Anyone who thought Anomie was capable of this kind of horror likely didn't know her at all. And if she were the murderer, then he likely knew nothing about her either.

He turned towards weasel, and Itachi's eyes were blank when they met gazes, but Kakashi's eyes were narrowed in concentration. "Search for any indications of the culprit."

Without question or delay, his teammates spread out and began to search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 人形の目 (Ningyō no me) is the name of this chapter. In English it means 'Doll's Eyes' and the flower isn't really known in Japan at all so the translation is a rough on. Maybe I should have wrote it in katakana? ドウルの目? Idk. I was gonna use ホワイトBaneberry, (white Baneberry) as its alternate name, but I don't exactly know how to translate Baneberry into Japanese. Maybe use Katakana as well, I don't know.
> 
> Anyway, Doll's eye, also known as White Baneberry, is a flowering plant native to Eastern and Northern North America. The Doll's eyes comes from the striking fruit of the plant, which is a 1cm in diameter white berry with a black stigma scar, which looks very eye like. Although the whole plant has been declared toxic for human consumption, the most poisonous part is the concentrated toxins in the fruit, which have sadly claimed a number of children's lives, as they also have a sweet taste. The berries contain a carcinogenic toxin, which has an almost immediate, sedative effect on human cardiac muscles and can easily cause a quick death.
> 
> The flower itself is foamy, creamy-‐white flowers.


	18. Dokuzeri

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN  
____________  
–•–

**ANOMIE OFTEN FELT SHE WAS AN ECHO, REVERBERATING AGAINST A CAVERN** that had no end. She was an echo of Fuyu. She was an echo of Kyoko. She was an echo of Kiyomi. She was an echo of Anomie. It felt like with each name she took up to replace the prior one had made her grow further and further away from the reality of her life.

So hearing her name from the Third's lips didn't make her feel much of anything. "Anomie."

"Visiting hours are over," Anomie's response was short, and her legs were folded in a crisscross. Her bed lay perfectly made behind her, and her eyes were closed with two Anbu who stood stationed to each of her sides. She doubted they knew she ditched the confinement of the apartment at night, leaving behind a clone in her place.

She doubted they knew that she'd visit Kakashi out of spite, and Kakashi obviously didn't plan on ratting her out.

Mostly, she wanted fresh air, as she had grown spoiled on the open winds. As a whore in Kemuri, she hadn't gone outside much, so being able to feel the sun cooking on her skin was like miracle she never even bothered to dream. She musingly wondered if it was the excessive sunlight that had began turning her eyes a dimmer yellow. It was an odd discovery to find that very morning that her eyes were beginning to lose some of their pink hue. She didn't mind the change as it made her feel closer to Orochimaru.

"Games are rather beneath you," the Third let out a light chuckle, signaling the two Anbu to disperse. They set each other weary glances, but bowed and walked out of the apartment immediately.

"There's not much else to do since my suspension," she admitted, not bothering to open her eyes as she continued meditating.

"I am working on your release," he admitted, his pipe balancing in between his lips.

She finally opened her eyes, but remained expressionless, "Why?"

"That's why I'm here," the man's eyes spoke a different story, and in a mere instant he dropped a folder of documents in front of her.

Her eyes watched it fall, but they slowly met his gaze the next second, "I don't have much interest in paperwork, Lord Hokage." The chill of her voice obviously had no affect on him, and he merely raised a brow.

"It was found in the newest tomb. I believe this particular tomb is the source of all the experiments and missing children," the man didn't elaborate.

"So what?"

"It's about you...Iburi."

Almost immediately her brows rose, and her eyes finally rested on the folder. "So what?" She repeated.

"I've never heard of the Iburi clan...but the information written in those files tells me why."

Her lips locked together and her mind immediately put the information together. She knew the person who held that information of her name had to be Orochimaru, and she knew the Third wasn't lying when said the information was found in the tombs. She knew what the Third was saying Orochimaru was responsible for.

Her head knew, but the betrayal stung far too much for her heart to believe it. "So what?" She repeated, but the statement came out weak.

"You were born here. Not in this village, but in the land of fire, closer to Konoha than Kemuri was."

She felt her eyes narrowing. "I don't understand what you're trying to get across. Cut to the point. I'm meditating."

The Third didn't look offended by the girl's tone, but he looked too exhausted to be affected by much of anything. "Your clan has been highly experimented on...and I believe you have as well."

Anomie finally reached for the documents, opening up the folder that was slightly coated with dust. The pages were crinkled as if they were worn out. Her name was nowhere to be found, but Iburi was everywhere. The first thing she saw when she opened the folder was the seal that once rested on her wrist.

The seal that was burned away and the seal that Jiraiya had fixed.

The very same seal she had on her arm since she as a child.

The same one that Orochimaru had placed upon her skin.

"What do you want from me?" She asked, her voice nearly coming out weak.

"If you are the same Iburi mentioned in those papers, you have an abilities that should have killed you long ago. A child like you cannot exist," he said simply, and Anomie glanced up.

"If you're being purposely vague, then you're being purposely annoying."

"You were injected with the cells of Hashirama, like many of the children of that decade who had been kidnapped and killed," Sarutobi's voice was grave and Anomie glanced back down at the documents, her eyes not picking up nor processing the full sentences.

"I don't know what a Hashirama is, Lord Hokage," she admitted, reluctant to speak about her lack of knowledge.

"Hashirama is a name you'd learn in academy days. I am not surprised you do not know of it. He was the first Hokage and had the ability to manipulate wood. It is the mixture of Earth Chakra and water."

"Not possible," Anomie replied, and her eyes snapped to meat his. "If you're implying I have earth and water Chakra affinities, you're mistaken. I am wind and fire. Nothing more. A single person can't be all five."

"It's unlikely, but not impossible," the Hokage, scratched his chin and Anomie felt annoyance rise in her chest. "And there's far more that I am implying about your affinity, as many Shinobi before you have had the power to manipulate all five elements, Orochimaru being one of them. What I am implying is more."

"I've never used earth or water. It isn't my affinity," Anomie's insistences made Sarutobi shake his head.

"As much as I doubt your conclusion," the twinkle that gleamed in the Third's eyes blew out. "That isn't why I'm here." He took a step forward and knelt down to her level. "The man who is responsible for the kidnappings and the deaths is Orochimaru. I believe the thought has been running through your mind as well. You aren't stupid after all." Her jaw clenched, but her expression remained blank. "I thought it was odd when he sought you out as his student.

"Orochimaru doesn't seek students. I've never seen him show interest in someone as much as he has shown in you. He insisted and undermined me through Shimura Danzo to be stationed to guard you. He insisted on taking you on missions. He _insisted_ on being by your side. At first I thought it was a sign that perhaps he was changing his ways and developing bonds."

Anomie felt a rush of rage that she pushed down until she could feel it in her throat, swelling in her chest. She didn't know why she was getting angry, but it was a unwelcoming emotion.

"I was _wrong_. I wanted to believe in him because he is strong and he's my first student. He had the strength to be a leader, but there's darkness in his heart that lacks the compassion necessary. I realized it many years ago that everything he does has an angle of aiding his own goals," the Hokage's words spurned the rage in her heart even further until her fists were clenched at her side.

"That doesn't mean anything to me," her lie was toneless, and her fists unclenched until she was calm.

"It should," the Third's voice was simple and wise and kind. In most people, it might have spurred warmth, but Anomie only felt the cold echo of that seal. "Because Orochimaru will do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and right now I believe he wants _you_."

"It doesn't matter," she stated in swift response, her eyes unblinking. "It doesn't matter what he wants of me... I am wondering what _you_ want of me."

Because everyone wants something and nothing in this world comes free.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

_How odd. It swallowed me up whole and I never realized just how easily I fall into a waiting man's grasp. It doesn't seem to matter because like an over-ripe peach, I seem to fall to the ground. I didn't know where the peach would roll. I didn't know if it would get stepped on and smashed. I didn't know if someone would pick it up and let it fulfill its function._

No. Anomie was worse than overripe peach. Even then, birds would pick it apart and ants would eat what's left. The rind would be put to use and fertilize the earth.

Parts of her were beginning to chip away and soon enough there would be nothing left and her insides would cave in and she'd disappear.

Long ago, she dreamed of disappearing. When she was eleven she would imagine that she was free and born in some far away distant land, in love with a prince. These fantasies were worthless and when she awoke, her prince was an old merchant who loved to be dressed in diapers and covered head to toe with Vaseline and spanked.

She awoke to a council elder who grew aroused when women cried. He would specifically ask for the only girl in the house unable to cry at will. She remembered asking Ohashi to choke her until tears of pain unfolded her insides as rough hands gripped her hips.

The folder felt heavy in her hands, and she barely realized that tears were spilling from her eyes with no regard. Memories spilled through her with such pain that she couldn't breathe and the droplets wet the pages and ran the ink.

She was crying without the aid of being choked by a dead Tayū.

The pain rocked her body until she was forced to hunch over until her shoulders were shaking. Her hands pressed over her lips, preventing loud noises from escaping. She didn't want anyone to hear, least of all herself.

She remembered Minami's words, so long ago when Anomie freely sold herself to the whorehouse of Konoha, long before Konoha's Anbu division bought her freedom. She remembered the frightful harrowing fear.

" _I will destroy you_. _"_

Minami's voice was an echo as well. A high Tayū of Konoha. Her voice was a high and mighty as her breasts.

Konoha was filled with perverts. Men who wanted her to pretend to be dead while they had their way with her body. Men who wanted her to bleed so they could get it up.

_Why...then...do I want to protect this place?_

_This bottomless pit of debauchery. I can crawl out of the bog, but I my feet will track mud no matter where I go._

"Anomie, what are you doing?" Rin's voice echoed around her, and despite a part of her knowing this wasn't real, Anomie looked up. There she was, that beautiful girl with brown hair and a kind heart. Anomie reached out, hovering her fingertips and not quite touching the girl's face. 

"I am a disaster," Anomie whispered to the girl that sat on the edge of her bed. _Delirium, lack of sleep, malnutrition,_ Anomie thought, knowing these were the reasons she saw Rin right here. If it only took slowly killing herself to see Rin's face, Anomie would gladly do all of that. "You saved a worthless life."

"An-chan," Rin pressed both her palms against Anomie's cheeks, pulling her closer. Rin's touch was just as Anomie remembered, and it felt real enough. "Your life is not worthless."

"It is," Anomie said, leaning closer. "I have to do something terrible and I don't know if it's worth it."

"Is it dangerous?" Rin was a figment of Anomie's own mind, humoring her as if this figment were real. Anomie didn't want to break the illusion. 

"I am going to hurt people," Anomie whispered, feeling her eyes burn. 

"Why?" Rin's touch disappeared too soon.

"For Konoha. To protect Konoha." Anomie felt her heartbeat drumming as if there were a secret that was itching to get out.

"To protect the village," Rin paused, her lips pursing in the same way Anomie always remembered. "To protect the village, sometimes we as Shinobi have to do things we don't want to and that others might judge. The path isn't easy. It wasn't for me and it won't be for you."

"You were always so good and kind," Anomie said, feeling her eyes burn at Rin's words. "I am not you. If I do this, I am afraid that I will like it."

Anomie's head sunk into her knees and she felt the weight of pressure fall upon her shoulders until it seemed like she was sinking into the cushion of her bed. Perhaps there never was an escape. Perhaps everything always prepared her for this moment. Anomie looked up, but Rin was gone.

Her fingers wrapped around the papers and scrunched them up into balls, tossing them to the corner of the room.

It seemed there really wasn't much left for her to do but follow orders because the last choice she made on her own led her straight into that bottomless pit in the depths of a murky lake. It led her to reeking like old men and debauchery.

The fact of the matter is, maybe she wasn't a peach at all. Perhaps she was an egg. An egg that had all its filling sucked away, leaving behind nothing but useless shell.

Nothing would ease the pain and the memory of Kakashi's lips only heightened it. The memory of his false confession. The memory of his arms.

It was all useless and a lie.

" _I love you Anomie."_ The silk merchant said he loved her to...but he still left on a journey around the land selling his products after promising to free her.

All Anomie was a beautiful face, but everyone forgot her once she turned around.

Without fail.

She didn't even have a personality. All she did was take on the qualities others demanded of her.

If they wanted a girl who was violent and demanding, straddling their body with a sadistic grin, she could play the part.

If they wanted a girl who was timid and moaned at every brush of skin as if she were on fire from their touch, she could play the part.

She could play any part but at the end of the day, she was an _echo_.

She was unable to make a noise without someone telling her how to do it.

She was nothing but a voice, copying the motions of another.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Perhaps, in a way, that was why it felt good to walk over the corpses of the two Anbu ninja that had been watching her all day. A part of her enjoyed feeling her hand lose form and reform just in time to rip through the fox's heart. Just as she said to her hallucination, Anomie _liked it_ as she knew she would. 

She wasn't surprised they fell for as stupid an act as crying out, "help". They came running to her side with no real big concern. Perhaps that was because she had never rebelled or showed a single negative emotion. Every bad trait that was said about her was hearsay.

It was a boring death and she killed them quickly.

Undoubtedly, Kakashi would be the first to find the bodies.

She realized that with cold dread only after she had taken their lives. Her hands were covered in blood as she felt her heart turn uncontrollable in her chest.

But for Anomie, her heart has never ruled over her. She walked over those bodies and turned into smoke because that was what she had to do.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

The village felt so distant when she was above it, and her head was filled with cool remedies of nothing when her feet hit the ground. She could tell the village was in disarray with the new discovery of the laboratory. Anbu were scouring every corner, and a part of her already knew who they were looking for.

Perhaps she always knew that Orochimaru was a monster. Perhaps she always knew that he framed her and isolated her from the village. Perhaps she always knew that he wasn't the man she thought he was. It all didn't matter because this world is full of monsters and if you can't fight them...

Then become them.

That being said, it was odd that her monster self had fallen in front of Rin's grave.

The cemetery was dark and the sky was beginning to dim with falling sun.

Her face was blank as she stroked her fingers over Rin's name, "I'm sorry."

Her head hung until the force of her shoulder were the only thing keeping her body upright. She couldn't even remember the curve of Rin's smile anymore, and the distant movement of her hero's face, fading in her memory stung far more than the girl's death.

"I'm going to do some bad things..." Anomie knew her voice wasn't being heard, but she had to tell someone before she disappeared. "I'm so sorry...I can't keep my promise..."

It was only then that she noticed the Hezā flowers, growing at the side of the grave. That once precious flower that sucked in Rin's Chakra and stood standing long past summer. Anomie couldn't remember Rin's smile, but she remembered that flower, old and withered and meant to protect.

Her hand hovered over it, and slowly her fingers wrapped around them and ripped them out by the root, tossing them to the side.

"He was right...you were here," the man's voice broke Anomie from her thoughts as she felt her body freeze. She didn't turn, but noticed that his voice was soft and repressed and rather beautiful.

"Go away..." Anomie's response made the man chuckle, and she forced herself to glance in his direction.

He had white hair, almost as pale as hers. His eyes were dark, and shadowed by his glasses that hung on his nose. She didn't much care for his appearances, and his eyes were shadowed in amusement.

"Going away wouldn't serve any purpose. I am Kabuto."

"I don't care."

His lips quirked into another amused smile, "Orochimaru is on the run. I am to lead you to him."

That obviously caught her attention, and he immediately noticed life coming back into her eyes at the mere mention of his name. His amusement grew as he offered the girl his hand. Her light pink eyes shined with a near flash of gold, but she ignored his offering and stood up on her own.

"I'm quite done with this village anyway," she said simply, and noticed the amusement cloud through the man, _Kabuto_ , as if she were a rolling peach, falling ripe from a tree and into his open grasp.

"Yes. He said you might be. Luckily, there's a place for you at his side," Kabuto admitted, and she shook her head.

How many people have told her that before? It was all becoming rather dull and annoying.

By the time she began following _Kabuto_ , the sun had already set in the horizon and the grave of Rin's was covered in shadow.

No one noticed that in the place of the flowers that had been pulled out at the root, was the beginning of a sapling that hadn't been there prior.

It was small, but strong enough to one day turn into a tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dokuzeri (ドクゼリ) or rather, Water Hemlock, is a flower that grows in ditches and marshy ground. It works well with Anomie's 'bog' imagery in the chapter. It is also called Cicuta. They have a distinctive small green or white flowers arranged in an umbrella shape. Water hemlock is considered one of North America's most toxic plants, being highly poisonous to humans.
> 
> The plants contain a toxin named cicutoxin which causes seizures. This poison is found in all parts of the plant but is most concentrated in the roots, which is most potent in the spring. Besides the almost immediate seizures, other symptoms include nausea, vomiting, abdominal pains, tremors and confusion. Death is usually caused by respiratory failure or ventricular fibrillation and can occur just a few hours after ingestion.
> 
> Ul'Yana useless flower facts come to an end~ (I guess knowing what's poisonous is kinda useful~)


	19. Kinrenka

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN  
____________  
–•–

**THE SUN WAS DIM UPON THE BALCONY ON THE EVE OF WINTER WHEN I MET OHASHI.** I remember staring into her eyes and trailing down the supple softness of her neck, uncovered without fear. I remembered the curvature of her breasts, the tips dipping in a perky nature from underneath the silk of a well-crafted kimono. If I hadn't already been informed, I would have never expected someone so beautiful to be a courtesan.

I remembered when I met her she had been smiling. It was odd, to see a smile after being taken by force from an older gentleman who had never been with a girl younger than 12. I doubted he cared that I was unable to cry, but I believed that tears would have spurned him even worse.

Sakimono Haji was the man who took my hand, spurring me with sweet whispers as he whisked me away from one brothel to another. He had said my potential was being wasted in the presence of the lowly filth of the poor districts. He said my beauty was meant to be spoiled in wealth and gold.

Being the naïve 10 year old, I of course believed him. A part of me still believed that I would catch someone's eye and they take me back to their home and raise me.

That naïve part of me still believed in a fantasy where parents would happily adopt a sullied whore from Nichijou's district. It was a belief that turned to ashes in my mouth.

I believed so many lies by the time I met Ohashi Hana. The beautiful Tayū that still had it in her to smile whilst she was pelted with wealth and affection. She looked upon me like that of a mother, catching sight of their child for the first time. She looked upon guests as if she were the temptress, waiting in the shadows to show them a piece of heaven on earth. She looked upon enemies as if they were a speck in the dark, swallowed whole as the moon went down.

I wanted to be her.

The thought was so incredibly stupid when I thought about it now. As if affection and wealth made a whore anything more than a _whore_.

Even now, I am not naïve enough to forget what I am, even if I'm free to think otherwise. The chains have been branded on my skin and embedded around my neck so that their markings never disappear. A ninja is nothing more than the village's whore and killing doesn't feel much different from fucking. They both give me the same kick of adrenaline that a 10 year old shouldn't have known.

But Ohashi was kind.

The kindest whore I had ever met, and no one had a bad thing to say about her. She was the first one to rename me 'Anomie' and mentioned that I looked like a freshly planted Sakura Blossom. It was a compliment I never knew, as the leaves that fell always regrow to beautiful splendor.

"It's easier to smile when you've accepted your place in the world," she had told me that mid winter. Her smile was sweet, like the first taste of chocolate melting against your tongue. She would run her fingers over the strings of the koto in such a elegant melody that I knew I wanted to one-day match. Her music always managed to sound like the soft weeping of a thousand Oiran.

"Do any Oiran ever escape? Do any live free lives in a distant land?" I remembered asking the naïve question and watching as Ohashi's eyes flickered up towards me with a smile so angelic and warm that it could have melted ice.

"There is no such thing as a free Oiran," Ohashi's voice was so delicate that it would take me years to realize the undertone of rage, just waiting beneath the brown hue of her irises. "Once you've become one of us, it follows you everywhere."

"I had a dream where my mother was still alive...she was stroking my hair and telling me that this was all a nightmare and that she never died and that I was never branded."

Ohashi's eyes hardened, but she continued playing the melody of Soutanshi on her koto with such brilliance that I wondered if her fingers were as nimble as magic. They were thin and her nails were bare, contrasting the ruby red of her lips and pale white of her face.

"You haven't seen the nightmare yet," Ohashi whispered as she stroked the cords as one would stroke a lover. "The nightmare comes with the shame when you realize that..." Her words faded into a dull muse over the musical strings. "When you realize that even if you were free, you's step right back on the threshold of this house because there is nothing else you can do and nowhere else you can go. We are the same...Anomie...and this all we will ever amount to...because this is all we are _good at doing_."

I never realized just how true her words were until I lived through them first hand.

The shackles of a whore still chained me into a groveling mess on the ground. Every time I tried to stand on my own, it was like the weight grew heavier.

Perhaps that was why Ohashi smiled so easily. Even after she was raped on the open market stalls, screaming for everyone to help, but they all just watched and ignored her cries. Even after she lost her daughter. Even after she was slapped and beaten by the man who had aided in seeding that same daughter. Even after a ninja stabbed her through her ribcage, she still had it in her to smile at me and whisper her last wish like some martyr just waiting for the sweet release of darkness.

I had begun to realize that perhaps the weight, crushing me to the ground, would only disappear when I die as well.

Ohashi was always kind.

Ohashi was always self-sacrificing.

Ohashi was always trying to do the right thing, but look where that got her.

The truth is, this world has no place for kindness. It has no place for mercy. It has no place for love or affection. Even if I make all the right choices, I will still die down in the mud where my feet trampled in the bog, tracking filth everywhere I step.

What use is any of it when all my paths lead to the same destination?

•

And now, as Anomie watched the folder of documents on her linage burn in the small fire she made with her bare hands, she finally felt nothing.

It was freeing, in a way, watching the black smoke trail up over the partition of leaves and to the sky above.

"Are you done?" Kabuto's voice was cold and she glanced his way through the thickness of her lashes and in that moment she vaguely wondered how she must have looked to him. Her hair must have been tangled and her eyes no doubt held the remnants of bags from the lack of sleep since the Hokage's untimely visit a couple days ago.

"Patience is a virtue that must have skipped a generation seeing as you are an uptight four-eyed freak," Anomie stated in return and noticed his lips were still pulled into a smirk, but his eyes were so far from amused that she almost wondered if he was moments from taking her life.

Death didn't really sound so daunting.

"My clan...Orochimaru told me they were all dead. Those documents I just burned showed me otherwise," she stated, feeling the smoke whisk and swirl next to her face like a brother in arms as the scent of burning ink settled in a flare through her nostrils.

"They are as good as dead. They are still alive just in case Orochimaru needs their abilities to pass the borders. We all don't have your abilities to turn immaterial and travel wherever we want."

Her lips stretched into an unnatural smirk that felt like a part of her body, "So what? He's going to absorb their abilities or something?"

"He's the only reason they and _you_ are alive right now," Kabuto's words were like poison and Anomie felt its weight against the chill in her chest, flickering with a forgotten and heated rage.

She bit it down as easily as she had once let ugly men touch her and she smiled as easily as she had the morning after a rape.

"Quite correct," she said smoothly, controlling her breath and keeping her hands unclenched as she ignored the fact that she was seconds away from strangling the breath from his four-eyed face. _The only reason I am alive is me. No one else but me._ "I only meant that there is still uses of a dead clan walking. I would like to tap those _uses_ before the dead clan...stops walking or floating. Whatever incorporeal men do these days. You'll find I'm rather out of the Iburi inner circle."

_In a way, my snarky attitude was the beginning of a façade that I took up so I could cover up the fact that I was moments from falling apart. I'd rather have my body cave in on itself than show a weakness to someone I didn't trust._

"You want me to take you to them?" Kabuto's lips curled into a smile that seemed a little bit fake, as she was a master at picking up when she was being made a fool.

"I don't want anything from you. I want to see Orochimaru. I assume he's on the run after all the alleged accusations the village has thrown on his shoulders," Anomie stated simply.

"Alleged?" Kabuto's smirk didn't miss a beat. "You are quite perceptive."

 _And here the lies come_.

"Who was the cause of the experiments? As I know it wasn't Orochimaru," Anomie said this smoothly, and took a step forward.

"Danzo. A village elder that I'm sure _you_ of all people should know of," Kabuto answered and she raised a brow with vague recollection of the village elder who had successfully managed to undermine the Hokages before him and send her on some of the most controversial missions of her Anbu years.

"Quite...Danzo is quite the man," was all she said, and Danzo's name tasted strange in her mouth. He tasted like iron and steel, merging in between a salty ocean drowning out the sunlight and deep into the earth where roots formed in between thick bogs and wet wounds.

His name tasted like decay and desperation and defeat in the arms of broken children crying out for their mothers that are long dead from a war that never really ended.

"Is it wrong that I am curious of my linage and abilities that they might know and I have yet to learn?" Anomie asked, and it wasn't a complete degraded lie, but it was just enough to spread a sickness over her belly and through her lungs, suctioning them off like a vacuum. It was just enough. Her lungs became a plastic bag, full of air and squeezed with tight fists.

But she was used to the absence of air and her lips spread into a calm smile.

"Any abilities they could teach you, Orochimaru could over shadow. You have no need for bonds with a dying clan who can offer you nothing." Kabuto answered shortly.

But Anomie obtained the information she wanted. "He's going to kill them...every last one?" She pictured the scene in her mind, and the only thing that would drive a man to that was between life and death.

He was injured.

"I see...I'm back up, aren't I? Just in case he's unable to absorb their abilities? That's what I'm for?" She asked and she found herself smiling.

"Is that a huge issue? As far as I can tell, you are practically begging for death. You followed me without much question and here you stand, as if you could die at any moment and you don't care," Kabuto's response made her smile disappear as quickly as a moving ripple in water.

"It's like you said. I am only alive because of him. My life is for him to do with it as he wills. I'm not too concerned with _you_ to be honest," she replied after no hesitation. "You are like smoke from a tiny candle. Everything about you screams small and insignificant."

"You have quite the mouth on you."

"I've had years of practice and you are just not very impressive at first glance. Now enough talk. I would like to get out of the land of Fire."

"I can only lead you in the general direction. I'm undercover and working my way to Anbu and if I'm caught with you...well, your _reputation_ couldn't be good for my image."

"Is that jealousy I hear? I can understand that. You're as bland and reflective as a mirror," Anomie's response made him show the first most visible motion of anger and it made her lips curl into a small and insignificant smirk. "There it is. There's no need being false with me, Kabuto. I'm like a mirror too. I just reflect what others see."

"Continue going north. You will reach the boundary between the Fire country and the Land of Rice. You'll know you're in the right place if you find the great chasm near a small river. There you will know you are close to the Hidden Sound village."

"I've never heard of the Sound village."

"That's why I called it hidden," he answered without a trace of kindness.

"I can't expect that's all you want me to do. Out with his orders."

"This forest is crawling with Konoha ninja, looking for him. You are known for your assassination tactics. Be useful and quiet about making this forest as easy for Lord Orochimaru to escape through."

"You want me to kill Konoha ninja."

"We have full faith that you will be more than up for the task."

_Or die trying. There's no coming back from this and I can't imagine that the Third will be happy about my actions._

"I understand. There's really not much else to talk about. Goodbye, four-eyes," Anomie winked, an action that had a bit too much sass for her liking, but it succeeded in making Kabuto break his mask once more and let out an uncharacteristic snarl that could have come from a rabid beast rather than a man.

Her body went up into smoke and in that moment of incorporeal hue, she was free. She was unshackled by her stupid fate and her actions.

There was no going back from the blood of Rin's village on her hands, but she wasn't entirely sure she cared anymore.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi wasn't certain how to react to the fear that clapped in his gut when he met the legendary Sannin face first. It didn't seem to matter that the man was injured from his fight with the Third and that blood was soaking through his vest just over his shoulder.

After all that, Orochimaru's blade still cut through Kakashi's mask with such ease as if it were paper. In that moment, Kakashi was certain he was going to die. It was as clear as the sky was blue.

"I like the look in your eye," Orochimaru's voice was like a snake. "However I do not need a fake." His serpent slithered out from next to him, coiling around his form like an innocent pet as Orochimaru's tongue grazed against his kunai and licked up Kakashi's blood. "Do you want to see his blood as well?" 

The fear spiked in Kakashi's lungs with such certainty that he began to wonder if this was going to be his last moment. To leave the world now felt like a last act of regret of things he had yet to do. He thought about a lot during his continued stare between himself and the Sannin.

He thought about Obito's obnoxious laugh and empty threats.

He thought about Rin's obvious crush on him and her caring smile that revealed too much of her thoughts.

He thought about Gai's pointless dribble and petty rivalry.

He thought about Kinoe, the boy with his wood technique that could one day save this village if he got out from Danzo's clutches of Root.

And yes. He thought about Anomie and just the memory of her rare smile brought an ember to his throat, setting his mind on fire with the smell of her hair and the taste of her lips. It was a bitter and cruel memory that made him wonder if the last thing he had see from her was a frown and a heated scowl. He could still remember her deadpan humor that never failed to break his usually iron mask. He could still remember her fingers ghosting against his face after Rin died when she held him in her arms and didn't let go until sunset.

Before Orochimaru could bring out the final attack, his snake opened its giant gaping mouth and on its tongue was an explosive seal that nearly froze both Kakashi and the Sannin before they snapped into motion. Kakashi felt the force of it hit him with a wave that sent him flying on his back, but nearly unharmed while Orochimaru was not so lucky as to come out unscathed and blood leaked over his vest with such splatter that a puddle began to form on the forest down below. It looked to have only hit his side, and it didn't seem to be a fetal injury, but Orochimaru was more so surprised that the Third Hokage had planted such a trap.

Kakashi could still feel he was no match, but he refused to become a coward and he forced his body up, "don't move!" Orochimaru didn't so much as twitch as he continued walking closer, holding his side in his fist.

Blood trailed down Kakashi's head, and he was vaguely aware of his forming concussion, but it was Orochimaru's snake like eyes that weighed heavily on Kakashi's heart and paralyzed him with a crushing fear as the yellow of the Sannin's eyes glared him down.

And Orochimaru walked right past him as if he was nothing and Kakashi couldn't move because at that moment, he felt like _nothing_.

By the time Kakashi finally regained a sense of control to turn around and fight, the Sannin was gone.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

The bandages covering Kakashi's eye wound tight as he stood with his fellow Anbu as the Third Hokage set out his orders to begin looking for Orochimaru, who was currently on the run an injured. Kakashi doubted he'd be able to make it far in his state, and he knew by the sound of urgency in the Third's voice, that they would have only this fleeting chance to capture the Sannin before he escaped into territory where Konoha ninja wouldn't be welcome.

"According to Intel reports, Orochimaru is seriously wounded and he will not be able to leave the land of Fire easily," the Third's eyes were shadowed under his hat, and Kakashi vaguely wondered what it must feel like to fight against someone he trusted. "Know this. The knowledge, data, and Jutsu that Orochimaru possesses are a valuable asset to the Hidden Leaf. If possible, bring him back alive. If he leaves the Land of Fire...it will be a fatal blow to those in Konoha. This must be settled before he crosses the nations borders." The Third's voice rose with urgency. "Do your best.

"Scatter." And with the Hokage's last word, everyone did as ordered.

It was only after the Anbu were all gone, that Danzo, who had stood by the Third silently before, spoke up. "You must love your former student quite a lot if you had failed in apprehending him before. And you must have already realized that some Anbu were missing during the meeting."

The Hokage glanced his way, his eyes slightly narrowed in exhaustion.

"I found two Anbu bodies, butchered outside the smoke child's apartment. Perhaps she went to follow her master and if she did, it was in fact your fault for being so lenient with her suspicion."

"Of all people, _you_ should be grateful I am so very lenient." The Third said no more as he continued walking forward.

"Everything I have done has been for the Leaf." Danzo said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> キンレンカ (Kinrenka) In English, or rather it's scientific term, it's called Tropaeolum majus or Indian Cress or Nasturtiums. I swear, who names flowers and why can't they stick with one name?
> 
> And according my Flower meanings chart, it means resignation.
> 
> Nasturtiums were once known commonly as "Indian cresses" because they were introduced from the Americas, known popularly then as the Indies, and used like cress as salad ingredients. John Gerard called the plant "Indian Cresses" in his herbal. He wrote: "unto the backe part (of the flower) doth hange a taile or spurre, such as hath the Larkes heele, called in Latine Consolida regalis.[8] He was comparing the flowers of Indian cress to those of forking larkspur (Consolida regalis) of the buttercup family. J R R Tolkien commented that an alternative anglicization of the name was "nasturtian" rather than "nasturtium".


	20. Yuda no Ki

CHAPTER NINETEEN  
____________  
–•–

**THE DAY I BECAME A KAMURO OF THE NICHIJOU YUUKAKU HOUSE WAS THE DAY I** realized that death was inevitable for a courtesan. It was an inescapable path, and it was my fate to die. Sakimono Haji held onto my hand and told me that I was going to be okay and that this Yūkaku house would be kind to me, unlike the other one that had no rules against underage prostitution.

 _What a colorful lie_. I realize that now, because at the right price, any honorable law can be broken without warning or care.

The day I had gone to Nichijou, I witnessed the aftermath of jealousy and love. If a courtesan is not careful, her life is worthless to fate.

The crowd of Oiran and Kamuro had gathered around a room where a ninja had slaughtered one of our sisters because she had given her body to those other than him. Then he paid a meager amount as apology to Nichijou and left as if he weren't a murderer and instead a man who had accidentally broken a toy. The owner of the Yūkaku house held no care and counted his coins with no concern to one broken toy.

When Sakimono Haji glanced my way, to make sure I wasn't afraid, he had become surprised that a mere child was laughing instead of crying.

I don't believe I thought the death was funny, but naïve and ignorant Oiran took my laughter as such and beat me that night until Ohashi forced them to stop.

"Why did you laugh?" She asked as she used a sponge to wipe away the blood from my lips. The Oiran had mostly avoided the face during the beating and hit my sides and stomach.

I didn't really know how to answer Ohashi's question, as her smile and touch had numbed me. "I thought it was funny." I decided to say instead, my fingers clenching together into my palms. My hands were small for an experienced Oiran, but they were nimble and longer than most ten year olds. My breasts had also already outgrown kimonos fit for children.

At ten years old, I had been touched more than a newly bled Oiran.

Maybe that's why Ohashi took pity on me that night.

"You laugh at death," Ohashi asked, the ornaments woven into her hair shined in the moonlight, and her makeup was beginning to slightly smear. Her pipe rested next to her form and I glanced at it, having never taken up the act of smoking.

"Not death..." I remember whispering it so softly that it was a wonder she heard me. "I just understand the world now...that's all. High-class whores are still toys. Do you not find that funny?"

Ohashi paused, her layered garments slightly falling over her shoulders as her milky skin peaked out and her collarbones glistened with the slight moisture of a long night. The chill sweeping in from the open sliding Shōji doors had no effect on her.

"You are too young, but too beautiful to have not given your body...have you already been bled?" She asked slowly, her thick lashes sweeping open and closed as her nimble fingers untied my obi from the front and allowed my bruises to become visible on my stomach.

"Poor brothels cannot judge the pervasions of another...everybody has a price and honor only goes so far," my answer hadn't surprised her, and in fact the Tayū smiled instead.

"Do you have dreams, young Kamuro?" She asked slowly. "Small little Kyoko from Hamuro?" She asked in return, using my Hamuro brothel name.

"I want to run away from here," I remembered admitting and being so open and honest seemed foolish now. "The only thing left for an Oiran is death."

"Oiran or not, death is inevitable. The ninja who killed Chiyohana will die eventually. Citizens walking in the street will die eventually. It's really the only thing we humans have in common with each other," Ohashi leaned in close, her ears brushing against my ear. "I've paid good money for that ninja...Akiyama Takahiro...do die a painful rape and death tenfold than that of Chiyohana."

Ohashi's voice was treasonous to the kindness in her eyes. It was a voice of vengeance and it gave way to the tears in my eyes. It gave way to the first available moisture that I was able to have in years.

"Anomie...it means the lack of the usual social or ethical standards in an individual...that's what I will have you named." Ohashi's smile was angelic and her fingers ran through the knots in my hair. "Forget about your time as Kyoko. She doesn't matter and you will become stronger than her. We Oiran might die like toys, but we are stronger than ninja and we protect our own, even if we hate them. You laughed because the illusion of safety that a swine like Sakimono Haji created for you was broken so soon.

"That's a good thing. It doesn't matter where you go, you can die a cold death anywhere. Don't cry or mourn it. Play your part and accept it with open arms, or do what I do and get even." Ohashi's voice grew cold and like a candle, the twinkle in her eyes blew out. "Akiyama Takahiro has murdered eight Oiran around the countryside. It will end with Chiyohana."

"I am afraid of death," I remembered admitting this the night after Sakimono Haji had taken my body for his own, glancing up into the smiling Tayū's eyes as her nimble fingers stroked the koto in a melodic harmony. "But I fear love even more."

For the first time, her finger slipped and the melody was broken. She glanced up towards me with a look of empathy. "You've never known love. Love as an Oiran is dangerous and even love has a price."

"I thought girls were supposed to turn fifteen before their bodies are sold here..." I asked, my voice wavered in such a way that I feared I might have cried.

The music started up again, and I heard Ohashi as she stroked the strings. Only when she played the tune did her eyes lose that happy illusion.

"Everyone has a price. It's only flesh, Anomie," Ohashi answered, and I remember my surprise as my eyes snapped up towards her in surprise. "You still own your heart. He can fuck you bloody, but your heart is yours. _It's only flesh._ "

•

Anbu ninja were scattered throughout the forest by the time nightfall hit. Anomie's hands were covered in blood by the time the moon was high in the sky. Her Chakra itself was becoming difficult to control, but she found that the Anbu ninja were much easier to take down when she separated them from the pack.

Corpses littered the forest ground, after having their breath quite literally stolen and Anomie felt the wind sweep her bangs from side to side. It was a momentary lapse of judgment that lead a katana to impale her shoulder in a clean cut from an Anbu ninja with the mask of a dog.

It was a momentary memory of Kakashi's face and white spikes and one visible eye that faltered her steps and made it easy for the Anbu ninja to take advantage of a weakness.

"Koneko..." The Dog said with a bitter tone that cut through her and allowed her to see that this _wasn't_ Kakashi. "I always believed that you weren't what people whispered...I believed that you were a loyal ninja of Konoha and that all the rumors that spread against you were false." The Dog's breath was still labored from her previous attack, and his hand gripped her side, roughly squeezing into her hip so she couldn't move away from his blade.

"I can see now that I was wrong...you're nothing but a traitor." The Dog said simply, and she felt his katana dig into her shoulder before he attempted to pull out. "I will put an end to you now. I hope you have made peace with your treason, _monster_."

Before he could take the katana out from her shoulder, she grabbed his wrist and kept the blade in place with a grip so strong that she heard a snap. "It's easier to take a life when you know nothing about the enemy and embody them with the image of a monster. I can tell you know _nothing_ if you allowed yourself to get so close."

He didn't expect her body to dematerialize and immediately enter his mouth. She could feel the dog try and resist, but she immobilized his arm and as smoke, the wound from her shoulder was non-existent.

"Are you afraid to die?" She asked as his body bucked in suffocation.

He couldn't answer past the pain, as his body grew light-headed in attempts to thrash around and rid himself of her presence in his body. Like a disease, she sucked out every last bit of breath and by the time he lost the ability to thrash, she left through his open mouth.

Naked in the forest did nothing to block out the chill of the night air, and she knew she was down to her last seal of clothing, so she walked over to the buddle of clothes and slipped them back on, still able to feel the blood dripping from her arm as she reached for her bandages inside her weapon's pouch on the ground. Wrapping her wound whilst feeling the color drain from her face from the lack of blood was painful, but not as painful as the split second image of Kakashi being the one behind the blade.

Anomie realized that when she saw his face, her first instinct was to freeze. She realized it was with calm certainty that she nearly lost the ability to fear her own death, but fear his death instead.

To love is to destroy.

And if there was one thing Anomie feared more than killing Kakashi, it was loving him.

So perhaps, it would be much easier to kill him and be done with it all.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi was ashamed for failing at killing Orochimaru before, and the shame crushed into him with such force that he felt controlled by the need to redeem his pride and his actions. He immediately summoned his Nin-Canines, finding Pakkun sitting amongst the bunch with simple and unblinking expression.

"Sup." Pakkun greeted, and Kakashi sighed. "What scent do you need us to follow?"

"Orochimaru's scent," Kakashi stated in return.

"Snakes are rather difficult as they don't sweat, but leave it to me," Pakkun said simply, but immediately paused. "Strange..."

"What's strange?" Kakashi asked without hesitation.

"I smell a familiar scent," Pakkun murmured out glancing around and sniffing.

"Whose?" He asked in return, wondering why such a scent would take precedence over the Sannin.

"The smoke girl...Anomie."

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

It wasn't until early morning that Anomie found the great tree, taller than the rest with an opening like that of a cave, that Anomie's flesh turned corporeal once more. She ran her fingers over the entrance and found herself drawn closer until she had already stepped over the threshold before she paused, feeling an incoming Chakra coming from behind her.

She turned incorporeal once more and raised her smoke body to the top of the entrance so her form was hidden in the shadows. She saw a boy, young with wide black eyes and little lashes. A happuri style forehead protector framed his face while a black mask covered the boy's chin and neck.

She did not recognize the boy and he wore no Konoha headband, and yet his weapons were strapped on his back in such a way that screamed a ninja of the leaf.

What would a Leaf ninja be doing out here?

That much, she did not know, so she hovered over him, still blocking out the remnants of the pain in her shoulder that she knew she'd have to feel later.

He seemed none the wiser as he followed the wooden tunnel into the Iburi's tree. Its description was much like the one in the documents the Third had gifted her with, and she vaguely wondered if her mother had stepped through this place as she hovered through it now.

Before she could think more of the strange boy, he was already surrounded by smoke specters that entrapped him in a circle.

She watched as they took human shape, retaining their clothes, she noticed with slight annoyance. She analyzed their movements, noticing the instability of their Chakra. She didn't pay much attention to the words outside of mentions of Orochimaru, as the boy 'Tenzo' as the smoke child Yukimi had called him, was said to be coming here.

So this clan would die so soon after she finally found it, and even knowing that made Anomie feel something akin to pity as the child, Yukimi led the boy who denied his name to be 'Tenzo' into another part of the tunnels.

"You can come out," a man's voice echoed and Anomie's surprise was short lived when the man who had introduced before himself as Gatto turned his eyes to her form resting in the darkness.

She decided that it would be best to reveal herself, so she turned into flesh once more, naked in front of her 'kin'.

"You came from outside," Gatto questioned, taking brief notice to her naked state. "You cannot retain clothing...and you came from _outside_...you are different from us."

The whispering began and she glanced up through a mess of long hair that covered around her shoulders. "Orochimaru saved my life in a way he was unable to replicate with you." Her voice held an icy chill that caused many of her 'clan' to send her looks of reproach. "It appears you hide from the sun through many hallowed out trees and tunnels...how unfortunate."

She walked over to her fallen clothes, noticing many shield their eyes away from her naked state as she dressed herself quickly and without care.

"I was curious about the Iburi, and I wonder now if my curiosity was in vain as all I see is a broken 'village' hidden underground," she noticed her words caused Gatto's eyes to harden.

"Why have you come then? I do not recognize you...white hair is uncommon and unheard of, but your face does resembles a man I knew all to well," Gatto slowly took a step forward. "Could you be the daughter of Masaki?"

For the first time, Anomie heard the name of a man who could be her father and she felt something akin to curiosity and a deep sadness. Iburi Masaki. She wondered if it could be true, but blocked out the curiosity before she gave Gatto the upper hand.

"If I am, then he is dead," she said simply. Her mother may have lied to her about many things, and Orochimaru may have done the same, but she knew somewhere in a dark corner of her heart that they told her the truth about that much.

"That's quite the shame...I told him not to leave with that woman...it was a betrayal to Lord Orochimaru," Gatto said simply, and took a step closer. "The open air can kill us before we have a chance to enjoy the warmth of the sun..."

She didn't listen past the mention of her mother and she took a step closer, briefly wondering if she could win against her kin in a fight. If not, then all she had to do was escape outside and then take them out if they were foolish enough to follow.

She couldn't allow Orochimaru to gain their ability, but she grew uncertain if she could kill them all.

She briefly wondered if maybe it was the stress of the experiments she underwent as a child had turned the follicles in her hair a crisp white. Perhaps Orochimaru left out details of the experiments along with everything else he failed to inform her.

"What is that?" Gatto stopped speaking for a moment. "Someone has entered our village."

"Is it Lord Orochimaru?"

"We haven't been able to confirm that yet."

"Did you lead enemies here, girl?"

Anomie blocked out their whispers as she turned into smoke, trying to imitate the Chakra she witness the Iburi clan form as she noticed they erupted their Chakra around their center and incased their body.

As such, she noticed that only her vest was left behind on the ground instead of her entire outfit. She decided that it was good enough.

"Should we go after the girl?" One of the Iburi asked, and Gatto shook his head.

"Let her go," the man replied. "She's not one of us. Lord Orochimaru is the only one we need to concern ourselves with and if it is so then we will welcome him. However, if it is someone from the Leaf in pursuit, we will get rid of him."

Anomie had no care or love for the situation, but it wasn't Orochimaru whose presence she felt, but rather, Kakashi.

So she did what she did best and fled through the small tunnels, made for her kind to easily squeeze through until she was corporeal again and on top of the branches above.

Kakashi wasn't her concern anymore.

She only wanted to see her clan before the end, just once, to see if she could really betray Orochimaru.

She found that _she couldn't_. She couldn't kill them and she physically couldn't betray Orochimaru's trust.

Not yet anyway.

She only needed more time.

"Give me time..." she whispered to herself, thinking back to the third Hokage's proposition that felt like a lifetime ago rather than two nights.

 _Just a little longer_.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi regretted following Anomie's scent to the tree the moment he was ambushed by Iburi ninja whose abilities mirrored that of Anomie. He immediately wished that he had thought more about methods to fight against Anomie's Jutsu now that it was necessary and he became immobilized by the very ability that the white haired girl would use to kill her enemies by oxidizing their body.

Oxidizing the body was a painful process and it created rippling waves of pain to spread throughout his form with such force that he bucked and withered on the ground.

For the second time in a matter of hours, he wondered if this was going to be how he died.

That was until Kinoe saved his life, the boy with the wood style Jutsu whose life he too had spared before.

It was then that he learned that Orochimaru was responsible to for saving a dying clan such as the Iburi. It was only then that it was confirmed that this smoke clan had been experimented on, and it was only then that it was confirmed that Anomie was experimented on as well.

It was a split moment's worth of doubt that led him to believe that her scent in this place was no coincidence and that perhaps she really has been working with Orochimaru the entire time.

Perhaps he never really knew the girl at all.

So that was the moments that led him to witness the deaths of all the Iburi clan except Yukimi who he felt compelled to save because Kakashi thought of her as he had once thought of Rin. Perhaps it was also because the girl reminded him of Anomie, not by personality but rather by her abilities and the look in her eyes when she thought she was about to die.

All the events that led to Orochimaru escaping to him finding the bodies of his Anbu teammates, surrounding a girl with pale hair and golden eyes. Those irises had those small specs of pink, but she was too far away to really count them as he once had.

Anomie's blank expression matched the look Orochimaru had given him when he was certain he was to die by the Sannin's hand.

In Anomie's arms was one of the Anbu ninja, held down by her strength and weakened by the gash in his side with a kunai hovering over the man's neck.

•

"I will kill him for this village," I had promised the Third Hokage as much, my bottom lip bleeding with the force of my teeth breaking the skin. The Third had seemed so sullen that night as he brought me the information on my clan. I had asked him for his price, and he had told me without hesitation. "If I can't then I will make sure he doesn't get the chance to surprise this village with an attack. I will do as you ask. I just need one thing...When it's all over...just let my name be tarnished. These papers...don't let him see them."

"You're talking about Kakashi? You don't want him to know?" The Third Hokage had asked in return, and I remember his eyes watching carefully as I gripped the papers roughly in my hands.

"I've been living on borrowed time since the moment I discovered this ability. If my life is to be as short as the studies conclude, what does of it matter?"

"It's okay to be selfish. I don't want to force you into a decision you may regret."

"What good is it to be selfish after I've come to realize that my time is limited. I can accept that I will fade away into nothing. It's better if he hates me."

"Better for him or better for you?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to do things that he shouldn't have to forgive. I don't want to be forgiven. I just want to do something right. After a lifetime of wrongs...I need this one right."

•

"All I'm asking is for something, anything, to prove that you're still that girl. That even a part of her is still there, somewhere," Kakashi had removed his Anbu mask as Anomie glanced over his eyes. The fox in her hands still shivered against the blade in her hands. The edge didn't waver or shake as she held it over his neck.

The skin was brittle in that place and it only took a slight motion to cut into the neck and she was strong enough to cut into the Anbu ninja's bone if she had to.

"There's no going back, Kakashi," Anomie whispered and he shook his head as his eyes connected with the Anbu ninja that was trapped between her blade and death.

"There is. People go back all the time. That's how walking works. You can't live just moving forward. If you do, then you eventually walk past everyone who cares about you," Kakashi took a step forward, slowly dropping his kunai to the ground. "Just put the blade down and come back with me..."

"She's not going to listen to you Kakashi," the fox stated, bitterness creeping into his voice, but Kakashi could tell the ninja was losing the battle to stay awake with his side dripping with blood. "She's killed fifteen of our brothers, maybe more. She's lost and I'm dead. Kill her."

Kakashi ignored the fox's warning and continued trying to find some sort of warmth in her gaze. He searched like one would run through a desert looking for a drop of water.

"Anomie... Come back with me," he whispered and in a mere moment he found that warmth, that drop of water in the desert. It was clear as day in her eyes and he noticed for once her hand twitched for the slightest second.

"There's no going back," she whispered, and the blade slid across the fox's neck as if his skin were as thin as plastic or as breakable as bread. The blood oozed over the blade and her hand.

The last drop of warmth was gone from her eyes and he barely realized his eyes were tearing up until she had dropped the ninja's body.

The water in the desert had evaporated and he gripped his tanto from behind his back and sprung to life, but the moment he went to strike her form she disappeared into smoke.

She was gone but echoes of her words still remained to haunt him.

 _There's no going back_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named Judas Tree. ユダの木 (Yuda no Ki). Its scientific name is Cercis Siliquastrum, but I don't actually know how to translate the last part into Japanese so I decided on the easier version. It means disbelief and betrayal.
> 
> There is a long-standing myth that Judas Iscariot hanged himself from a tree of this species. This belief is related to the common name "Judas tree", which is possibly a corrupted derivation from the French common name, Arbre de Judée, meaning tree of Judea, referring to the hilly regions of that country where the tree used to be common. Another possible source for the vernacular name is the fact that the flowers and seedpods can dangle direct from the trunk in a way reminiscent of Judas' suicide.


	21. Tsutsuji

CHAPTER TWENTY  
____________  
–•–

**ANOMIE HAD NEVER LIKED CRYING AND AT TIMES IT FELT AS IF HER TEAR DUCTS** were as dry as a draught in the dessert. Even sorrow escaped her grasp as she looked around to find anything to fill the crevices, empty and brittle, that had taken up refuge in her heart. If anything, she was numb to pain, but the flavor of blame stuck in her mouth when the night rose over a sorrowful moon as she stared into the depth of that blue sphere. The only thing that made any movements was the blood that dripped down her shoulder and soaked through her clothing by the time Orochimaru's form drifted through the opening of the trees.

Seeing Orochimaru limp through the leaves made Anomie feel something akin to ease course through her veins with untimely grace. It only succeeded in making her let out a sigh of relief that felt so out of place that she became sickened with herself for that same emotion.

Orochimaru leaned against a tree, his eyes darting over Anomie's form with a gaze vacant of his usual amusement. "You made it past the border," Anomie's words were swift and haunting as she watched Orochimaru stagger through the barrier of trees. "Did you run into any trouble?" She thought back to every Anbu Ninja she took down. "Was it an Anbu?"

"Only an old teammate. You are familiar with the Sannin Jiraiya, are you not?" Orochimaru said the name with full intent of bitterness that caused Anomie to slightly pause.

"Did you not absorb the Iburi abilities? They were ripe for the picking," she said instead and Orochimaru frowned, clutching his side even though the bleeding had stopped.

"I was interrupted by an annoyance. I only gained a small portion, it was enough to get this far at least," Orochimaru sighed, glancing towards the wound on her shoulders. "It seems you ran into trouble as well."

"More annoyances rather than actual trouble," Anomie sighed, leaning her back against a nearby tree as she gazed up through the partition of trees. "You saw Jiraiya..." She finally pushed the nerve to ask, almost fearful of the answer. She didn't know if she could handle losing another mentor, not yet anyway. It felt like she was walking on a thin set of ropes and the slightest tug would make her stumble and fall into the dark abyss.

She still couldn't forget the look in Kakashi's eyes and it was a look she could have handled from any other living person. Not him. _Hatred and confusion._

In that single glance, she grew certain that his flimsy confession had been a lapse of judgment. Love was weak and it was as brittle as glass. One slight, and it would shatter and the pieces pierced her feet as tried to walk away over the shards.

Still, she would over the shards.

"Not yet," Orochimaru finally answered, his eyes glancing over to the partition of leaves before his hand snaked around Anomie's wrist and tugged her foreword, nearly causing her to lose her balance. It was only his hand that steadied her shoulder as his golden eyes burned into hers while he used a blade to slice a small trail over her wrist.

The blood oozed out from the parted skin as he dipped his pointer finger in the seeping red and used it to draw a quick seal over the noticeable burn mark that had once destroyed her curse mark.

"Five seconds," Orochimaru whispered as his lips tugged down and his eyes darted back to that partition of trees. His action drew her gaze to the forest where Jiraiya emerged five seconds later.

All traces of humor were replaced with a haunting barrage of disappointment as the man glanced in between Anomie and Orochimaru.

"Jiraiya," Orochimaru greeted with a smirk as if he were looking upon a good friend. The smirk was arrogant, but the look in Orochimaru's eyes was ruthless and aloof. "Always nice to see old teammates," and with that simple comment, Orochimaru's amusement was back with full force.

"You've gone too far Orochimaru..." Jiraiya sighed, as if the words pained him to utter out, but Anomie could see the hunt in Jiraiya's searching stare. He was obviously trying to find some sort of kinship in his old friend's gaze, but Orochimaru was empty of all that and what was left was greed. When the search came up fruitless, Jiraiya's gaze rested on Anomie's stiff figure. "Anomie, you still have options. If you follow him there's no coming back from that. I know you're not a malicious person."

Anomie wanted to laugh until she cried, but her chest was empty and numb with the echo of Kakashi's eyes, glinting on the steel of his tanto as he attempted to attack her. "Then you obviously don't know me very well," Anomie replied. "I'm getting tired of repeating myself. _There's no going back_."

"Well said, An-chan," Orochimaru's fingers lightly traced her arm as he smirked. "Are you going to try and fight, Jiraiya?"

"If it means I get to knock some sense into you," Jiraiya retorted, taking out the scroll from his back. "I will do whatever is necessary. You have to come back to the village, Orochimaru. What do you hope to achieve?"

"You can fight all you like. I am after only one thing: power and immortality," Orochimaru replied simply.

"That's two things," Anomie stated in a deadpan, causing Orochimaru's smirk to waver in thought as his gaze trailed to her eyes.

"With one comes the other," Orochimaru replied simply with a growing smirk before glancing back to Jiraiya. "But I'm afraid today is not the day you die, Jiraiya."

Before the Toad Sage could so much as purse his lips, Orochimaru's Chakra surged like fire through the curse mark made of Anomie's blood. Before she could make any involuntary movements to tug her arm away, she felt his grip tighten as his lips pressed against her wound.

His tongue flicked across the thin skin over her wrist as his eyes connected with hers. His lips curled into a smirk and he winked right before his body erupted into a trail of smoke.

She glanced back towards Jiraiya, feeling physically drained. It took all she had to keep her knees strong enough to hold her body upright.

"Anomie." Jiraiya warned, and Anomie was almost too exhausted to reply.

"I'm sorry," she felt like she wasn't even apologizing to him. It felt more like a lament and her voice was a distant murmur.

Her body lost form and became smoke. In her weakened state she was forced to leave behind only one object that she had clutched in her hand in such a tight fist that it almost seemed impossible to pry away from the stiffness in her fingers.

It was a small, square charm that she barely realized she had been clutching.

It held her memories of Rin and Rin's smile, casting out as bright as ever as the girl had stitched it by hand. But it was more than that. Before Anomie left her apartment, she had burned everything that could have kept her scent, just in case trackers were to follow.

That charm was more than a memory. It was more than Rin. It was the last thing she had that showed she existed in Konoha.

And she watched it drop to the ground as she drifted through that same partition of trees.

Now there really was no going back.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi wasn't certain how long he stared at the place Anomie had disappeared. The only thing left were her bloody footprints in the grass and next to it was the dead body of the Anbu fox he had failed to save.

What was worse was that fox had died by Kakashi's choice. He had every opportunity to have saved his brother in arms and the reason for his death haunted the thoughts in Kakashi's mind. It was a meaningless death that was brought about through Kakashi's inability to separate emotion from reason.

He died because Kakashi had weighed Anomie's life more valuable than a loyal comrade of the Leaf.

The dead bodies of the Anbu that littered the ground were his punishment. But as horrible as it made Kakashi feel—as if the self-loathing couldn't get any worse—they _didn't_ matter.

Kakashi pressed his palm into his eyes and felt his knees finally give out as his form fell to the ground. The blood of his brothers soaked into his clothes and his palms pressed flat against the grass.

It was sickening and looking at the slit throat of his brothers filled him with disgust.

The disgust was violent with the knowledge that the only person in the world that he had ever yearned and longed to touch was the same person who caused the disgust.

He began to wonder if it was safer to never love anything.

Maybe all love does in the end is make people suffer.

Perhaps instead, he should just focus on the things he was good at... _fighting._

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie closed her eyes tight as she felt her body lose its strength and she felt her palms scrap bloody across the bark of a tree. She let out a hiss of pain as she shook her head and attempted to right her Chakra and regulate her breathing.

The grass flattened underneath her as she pressed her back against the tree and squeezed her eyes shut, squeezing the light out from her gaze. Her brows were furrowed and she was able to feel the wind against her cheeks as if it were sandpaper, scraping into thin skin.

"There you are," the voice caused her eyes to crack open a tad as she rubbed her back against the tree. She forced the exhaustion away as paranoia crept into the depths of her mind and she attempted right her blurry vision.

Orochimaru had managed to weaken her chi with his curse mark that covered her wrist in black kanji and spirals. She had saw its mark had remained after her blood had wiped away, and the place where she had been stabbed still lingered with an old pain. It was a broken symbol of the ability had had the power to drain from her, leaving her dead.

But the boy's voice was soft and she forced it all away so she could gather the bits of her scattered pride.

"Orochimaru sent me to search for you," the boy was small, younger than her and his hair was a pale white and his eyes were a crisp emerald green. "I'm Kimimaro, you must be Iburi Fuyu."

"Fuyu is dead," Anomie mumbled out, her voice cracked as she tried to speak. _And Iburi Fuyu is a name I've never had the right to._

"Who are you now?" He asked, raising a thin brow past the two adjacent red dots just above his temple.

"Just Anomie," she whispered back. _I have no right to a surname. I have no right to utter a family name._

Kimimaro only stared at her with a vacant expression before he held out his hand for her to take. She only stared at it as if it were a foreign object before she reached over to place her palm in his grasp. The moment her skin brushed against his, she felt something jagged protrude from his knuckles.

It was a pure white and it took her a moment to realize that it was his bone.

Their eyes connected and Anomie felt something akin to understanding. She had never met someone with a blood ability outside of the Sharingan and the Byakugan, and both hardly involved mutating and transforming their body. Kimimaro obviously had no intention of his bones emerging from his skin and she pursed her lips.

"Where is Orochimaru?" Anomie asked instead of a question of curiosity.

"Waiting for you," Kimimaro replied with minimal effort in lifting her body from the ground as his bones locked back in place. "Can you walk?"

"For him I'll run," _because I have nowhere else to go._

Still, as she stood on two feet, she felt herself forced to lean on Kimimaro for strength. Orochimaru has effectively stripped her of much of her energy when he stole a breath of her Kekkei Genkai.

At the very least, it wasn't the entire thing. Her Chakra would replenish and she would be fine. The boy helped her up without question.

"Sure you can run?" Kimimaro asked with a skeptical side ways glance. Anomie wasn't about to let a kid question her, so she swallowed her own exhaustion and stood up straight.

"Let's go," she told him with a frown.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Why are you giving this to me?" Kakashi had never truly spoken two words with Jiraiya, so it was odd to see the legendary Sannin cornering him after his mission. He was holding onto a familiar charm with the kanji of protection. He could practically picture Anomie's surprised expression when Rin had handed it to her.

Anomie always seemed to take even the slightest acts of kindness with a grain of salt.

"She's like a ghost. Everyone had something to say about her, as if her presence was like a haunting dream," Jiraiya said simply. "But no one really knew her here. She didn't make any footsteps with anyone, but the Third Hokage said that you might know her more than the rest. This is the only thing left of her. I have no right to it."

"What makes you think I'd want it?" Kakashi asked simply, and Jiraiya raised a brow.

"Orochimaru was my friend. He betrayed and tore down bonds every step of the way, but he was my friend." Jiraiya shrugged, his voice toneless, but Kakashi was starting to think there was more in the depths of his gaze than that. "There's nothing wrong with admitting that."

"She wasn't my friend. I barely knew her. If I did, then I wouldn't have been surprised when she slit my comrade's throat in front of me." Kakashi adjusted the strap of his Anbu mask, taking it off in one swift motion. It always seemed to grow more and more uncomfortable every time he wore it. "I have no need for trinkets."

But the skepticism continued in Jiraiya's gaze when Kakashi walked away.

And when Kakashi looked on his doorstep again nights later, the trinket rested on the matt, just on top of a book of Icha Icha Paradise, signed by the Toad Sage. Kakashi couldn't help but stare at it for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to burn it and he wanted to cry.

He wasn't sure what to do and more than anything he wanted to forget and repress the memories that surged with it. He hated the longing at the memory of Anomie's smile as she handed him porn. He hated desire of her touch when she stroked his face with the tips of her fingers.

He hated that she had seen him without a mask. He hated that he had allowed her to wedge her smile into his heart.

But still, he couldn't burn it all away. It was as much a part of him as her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsutsuji (つつじ) or in English, Azalea. It means Romance, Short-lived passion, Infatuation, Quick and fleeting love (ephemeral), Symbol of womanhood in China, Take care of yourself for me, Temperance (self-restraint)
> 
> Azalea flowers grow very quickly and easily, and when they are blooming, they are massively blooming. Much like infatuation. However, like infatuation, if not properly taken care of, they will die.


	22. Torikabuto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omdNXhFpFUY&feature=emb_title
> 
> Video I made for the series thus far. Worth watching I think!

**Part II**

**PUNISHMENT**

_"A rapid bolt will rend the clouds apart, and every single White be seared by wounds. I tell you this. I want it all to hurt."_

― Dante Alighieri, _Inferno_

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE  
____________  
–•–

**SHE HAD A DREAM THAT NIGHT.** She dreamed of Rin's smiling face and loving embrace, worried eyes, and trembling lips quivered out a hollow goodbye.

It was only a nightmare when she awoke. It felt like when she closed her eyes, she was given a glimpse heaven only open her eyes and descend into hell.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

Months passed like hollow points prickling in Anomie's stomach as she carried out Orochimaru's orders down to the last drop. She never thought her hands for possible of getting more stained in blood until she looked into the open eyes of a decaying corpse, still withering with the last bit of warmth as she exited his body with an echo of a sigh.

It wasn't sorrow that filled her heart with a sickly silence. The rain fell against the house, pelting droplets against the roof and running down the clear glass windows. She slowly took the scroll from the rain ninja's rigid corpse with a frown, as she found his fingers were stiff with his hold on it.

None to gently she ripped it from his hands moments later and glanced out of the window once more before opening the bindings around the scroll and looking over the markings of Jutsu forbidden to the rain village clan Hoshimozu. She let out one last sigh and glanced towards the corpse behind her.

"You chose death," she mumbled, kicking his body over so his face fell against the floor and his dead gaze no longer stared her down in uncomfortable silence.

She tucked the scroll into her weapons pouch with a hollow huff of annoyance as she pulled out her hood and walked out of the drafty house and into the rain.

She could vaguely feel the Chakra of the dead man's partner and quickly used the moisture of the droplets to wash away the blood. She knew, judging by the apprehension that swelled in her gut, that if she was caught, she was as good as dead.

She quickly henged her body, making sure to change her noticeably unique hair color. She had thought about dyeing the color to black many times over the months but never brought herself around to doing so. Her now black bangs restricted her vision as her clothes changed from ninja gear to standard rain village attire.

"This is gonna suck," Anomie muttered, taking out her knife and cutting into think material of her shirt. The tip of her blade parted her flesh until red soaked through the partition of her skin, just below her rib cages.

She then bit her bottom lip, digging the knife into her stomach, just near her intestines. She closed her eyes, making sure to miss any vital organs as she stared into the sky. The moment she tossed the knife away, she covered her wound with her hands, forcing some tears and moisture to gather in her hands as she sat down at the base of a tree.

It couldn't have been two minutes later that a ninja dropped to the ground next to her. She cracked her eyes open, finding that her henge stayed in place, judging by the black bangs in her eyes.

"What happened here?" The man's voice was a mirror of kindness.

"I was attacked...by a ninja..." Anomie's voice wavered as she tried to sniff back her tears. "My father..."

"Why would a ninja attack you?" He asked, kneeling down so he could meet the henged girl's eyes.

"H-How would I know...?" Anomie's brows furrowed as she attempted to shift. Her giant, now green eyes, connecting with his, who's gaze was narrowed in diminishing suspicion. "She took my father's horse and his life."

"Where is the body?"

Anomie used her free hand to cover the sobs, "I had to get away...I just left him there...I just..."

"Hey, it's okay. I know the girl who attacked you." He said simply, and moved her hands so he could stare at her wound.

"Y-You do?"

"She attacked and killed my friends," he stared into Anomie's eyes. "I will get revenge for you..."

"Ohashi," Anomie greeted weakly.

"Ohashi, I am Hoshimozu Aruto," the name sounded strange on his tongue, but he didn't question it. "I will kill her in your name."

"I don't want anyone to get hurt," she replied, palming her wound so the blood would cease to leak.

He shook his head, wrapping his arm around her back. "I'll get you somewhere safe." He allowed her form to lean against his, causing her to glance his way and stare at the side of his face. His hair was flat, dampened with the rain.

_He is kind._

Anomie hated that she knew that.

"Where do you live?" He asked, and she shook her head.

Her tears burned out her reddening eyes with no relief. "What if she's there?"

His lips quirked in a tiny smile, "I assure you, Ohashi... The woman is long gone by now if she's smart. She's not after you."

"What was she after?" Anomie could tell that her comment made him suspicious, but her part was still in motion of being played. "Please. I must know why my father died."

"A Jutsu," he finally answered. "And a location."

Anomie raised a brow, slightly surprised. She knew about the Jutsu, but not any location. She didn't ask, knowing her limit of suspicion would only go so far.

"You're kind," she finally leaned her head against his shoulder as she allowed him to carry her in his arms. "I'm so grateful you found me."

"As am I, Ohashi. Your injury looks treatable, so that means the white haired bitch is not very efficient at least," he said simply, allowing her arm to rest over his shoulders as she attempted to walk.

"Must not be," 'Ohashi' agreed slowly, wincing when the rain began to soak through to her wound. "Is it only you? I'm scared she'll come back."

Her lie rolled off so smoothly, but she still felt the ruminants of a vile bitterness when she heard Ohashi's name roll off the foul man's tongue. Ohashi deserved far more respect than what Anomie was capable of offering and the guilt festered like a tasteless disease at the murmur and thought.

Ohashi deserved an actual grave, and not just the bones underneath ashes and wood of what was left of her home.

"It's only me, but I will take you to the infirmary," his stare pierced through her and she felt a tinge of guilt at the honesty in his tone. "You have my word, Ohashi, I won't let you die."

Anomie briefly mused just going along with her lie and letting him live. She mused its possibility, but almost immediately shot it down. She knew it by the anger in his eyes. If he lived, he would never stop hunting her.

She murdered his clan...all for the contents of a scroll. He was unlikely to just let that _go_.

The last thing she needed was a man going on a pointless revenge crusade.

"Thank you," Anomie whispered, catching his eye and she noticed his pupils slightly dilated in response. She felt a small portion of pity for him.

She supposed she didn't need white hair to make men desire her.

He led her to the place where she said the attack went down. The empty plot of dirt that was supposed hold the body of her 'father', but all that was there were patches of dirt without even a trace of dried blood.

"...where's my dad...?" Anomie's voice cracked, and Aruto barely managed to catch her when she lost control in her legs. Her body was burning and every aspect of her form was barely managing to hold up in the rain.

"Hey, stay with me Ohashi," Aruto whispered. "I'll find your father."

_Don't call me Ohashi._

"Please," Anomie's eyes spilled with forced tears that she barely managed to contain. "Find my dad."

"Hey," he placed her cheeks in between his palms and caught her eyes. His form was so defenseless in front of her.

_Why is it that when a man is the presence of a beautiful woman, he is so quickly to look past the eyes of a demon?_

"I'll protect you with my life," he whispered.

_How honorable and true._

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, gripping her fingers into his hair, taking advantage of his surprised form. With her head blocking the rain, her lips and tongue turned into smoke and filled his head and brain. He withered in pain, and she was swift to grab a kunai from his belt and stab it quick and true into his chest.

She quickly merged the smoke into her body, losing control of the henge and letting her white hair fall over her shoulders. She watched his eyes widen and with his last breath, pressed his hands into her throat in attempts to choke the life out of her.

And she let him.

She didn't bother wasting her limited breath on words and allowed the light to leave his eyes when she pulled the knife out of his chest.

She glanced up through the trees and let the rain plummet over her body.

It hurt, but the pain in her abdomen wasn't intolerable.

"The things I do for you, Orochimaru," she whispered, holding her palm over her wound.

Perhaps he was the demon, and she was just his servant.

That would make it worse, knowing a human would be rotten enough to follow the orders of a demon.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

"I can't remember my logic when I stabbed myself," Anomie muttered with a down casted sigh as she leaned against the back of the cave as she wrapped her wound. She figured that it was the safest place to get away from the rain.

Before she found out about her abilities, once upon a time, she loved the rain. When she was an Oiran, she would stare at the droplets and let it consume her. She loved the idea that the sky pouring with tears, strong enough to wash away the dirt and filth that the world would surround her in.

But now, all it meant was another weakness. Maybe she was immersed in too much filth, that the only way to rid her body of it was to soak away every part of her until she became nothing.

She hissed in pain when she ran her fingers over the wound, noticing a trickle of pain was uplifting from the downward spiral of guilt that festered in a forgotten portion of her mind.

 _I didn't have to kill him_.

She knew that much. She knew that she could have left the man live. He could have had children and a family. She didn't just end his life, but she ended lives that could have existed if he still had that twinkle of light in his eyes.

_I didn't have to kill him...but the horrible truth is that I **wanted** to._

She glanced up at the glimmer of Chakra that erupted in the rain. She glanced up, standing and nearly turning to smoke when she saw a masked man enter the cave in escape of the rain. His frame froze when his masked and one visible eye connected on her form. There was something oddly familiar about his stare, but she honestly didn't care enough to figure out what that something was in the end.

"Tobi found someone lurking," his voice was light and playful, playing off the pause of surprise from before.

"If anyone is lurking, I believe it would be you," she commented in return, and she saw his head tilt.

"You're hurt," he commented smoothly.

"That tends to happen when a person is stabbed," she decided to omit the embarrassing fact that she stabbed herself. He let out a light laugh, and she raised a brow. She noticed the pause in his step, as if he were calculating what he was going to say next, "Your amusement is feigned. You're not as good an actor as you believe yourself to be."

"I suppose Tobi needs to work on that," he replied, and she narrowed her gaze. "You're rather rude, senpai, but that's alright, because Tobi was looking for you."

She felt her lips dip into a frown. "For someone who claims to be searching for me, you looked awfully surprised when you found me."

Tobi chuckled, light and amused. "Well, I wasn't expecting you to be so pretty, senpai." _A lie_. "I was just told to search for the woman with white hair and the ability to immerse herself in smoke. It's a unique ability."

"That happens when the family she belongs to is dead," _and by the devil she serves no less._

"Senpai is more cynical than rumors state," Tobi took a step forward while Anomie took a step back. She was beginning to feel like a cornered animal, and she felt something as stupid and pointless as fear. She couldn't turn into smoke, not while the rain is so close. She'd have nowhere to run to.

"Rumors are often misleading," she retorted. _I need to keep him talking. He seems to like hearing himself speak._

He chuckled again. "It says you work under a Sannin by the name of Orochimaru."

She stopped darting her eyes to the exit and moved her gaze to his one visible eye. It was just a hole shadowed in nothing ness. It hovered over his right eye and it made her wonder if his other eye was missing.

She hoped not...she really didn't have good luck with one eyed men with masks.

But at the mention of Orochimaru's name left her with a fearless euphoria. She slowly glanced away from his masked face and looked at his body movements, slowly noticing the cloak he wore was damp and covered in red clouds. "What do you want Orochimaru for?"

"I want him to join my club," this was not the answer she was expecting from him and it caused her to take a tiny step back in surprise.

"C-club?" She muttered with furrowed brows, and the masked man tilted his head to the side. The action was so innocent that it bordered creepy.

And yet a gut instinct went against what her mind was screaming in her ears. It told her that he wasn't going to hurt her. "Orochimaru is SUPER hard to find, senpai, but rumors say you're _close_ to him."

Anomie snarled, "I don't like how you enunciated 'close'."

Tobi chuckled again, "so what do you say, senpai, my club president really wants to meet Orochimaru."

"I am doubtful that Orochimaru wants to meet you. I'm _close_ enough to not lead random _freaks_ to his location."

He was in front of her so quickly that her heartbeat skyrocketed and she instinctively move back, causing her back to hit the jagged cave wall and a the pain in her stomach to spread as if she was just stabbed again.

"What if I ask _really_ nicely?" He asked, and his words and playful demeanor didn't cancel out the harsh posture of his stance. Moments later, as if a switch was flipped, he glanced down at her wound. "You're badly hurt?"

"That's none of your business. I reject your proposition, so if you're going to kill me, then kill me and be done with it," she replied smoothly.

His shadowed gaze hit her, and even with the close distance, the darkness of the cave didn't allow her to see what his one visible eye looked like.

"Do you want me to kill you, Anomie?" He asked, and her brows furrowed.

"How do you know my name?" She asked instead, and he tilted his head to the side.

 _There are worse things than death, Tobi_.

"I told you, the rumors about you are quite extensive," he replied, and her face emptied of emotion. _Somehow, I don't believe you._

"You're a bad liar, _Tobi_ ," she answered in return. "I know when men are trying to manipulate and deceive me."

He took a step back, "Senpai, you're being too cruel. If it makes you feel any better, me and Pein-sama would be happy to have you join the club too. I wouldn't want you to feel left out."

After moments of fighting back her pride, she finally spoke again, "what is this 'club' you speak of?"

He took another step back, his form practically bouncing with enthusiasm. "I knew you'd be interested." She instantly regretted humoring him. "We're still working out some of the major details, but we're known as the Akatsuki, and we plan on spreading peace throughout the world." He raise his hand towards her in an annoying peace sign.

"Is that so? No offense, but Orochimaru doesn't care about world peace," _and neither do I. A world that lets people like Rin and Ohashi die is hardly one that can become peaceful._

"We offer so much more than that, Anomie-chan..." He mused. "We offer Ninjutsu and secrets that Orochimaru has never even dreamed of knowing."

She felt her interest slightly spark, and hated herself for allowing it to become apparent in her face.

She let out a sigh, and a reluctant, "Is that so?"

She hated the greed that surfaced in her gut.

Maybe she was turning into a demon as well because a part of her coveted the scroll in her bag and that dream of power that rested on the masked man's slithering tongue.

_I have nothing else to want._

_All I am is a sad, sick, twisted little girl with a rotten heart._

"Fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is called Torikabuto (トリカブト) and in English it is a poisonous flower that I'm sure you all know quite well. Aconite. Or rather more commonly known as Wolfsbane. In the language of flowers it means '人間嫌い' or rather Misanthropy: the hatred of humankind. Isn't that such a fitting and ironic word for a plant that is used to kill things in mythology such as werewolves (something so obviously non-human). Wolfsbane is also mentioned in mythology and werewolf lore as being able to either repel the werewolves/lycanthropes, or to induce the wolf state regardless of the moon phase. (Hence the name)
> 
> Wolfsbane, also known as leopard's bane, woman's bane or devils helmet, is a plant belonging to the buttercup family. These perennial plants are native to mountainous regions of the northern hemisphere.
> 
> The plant contains very large quantities of a poison called alkaloid pseudaconitine, which used to be used by the Ainu people of Japan as poison for hunting, on the tips of their arrow heads. In cases of ingestion, symptoms, which include burning in the limbs and abdomen, sets in immediately. In cases of large doses, death can occur within 2-6 hours and 20ml is enough to kill an adult human.
> 
> Right, but Wolfsbane is such an amazing poison because it's virtually undetectable, so you can kill someone without it being traced back to you. Wow. I sound like such a psycho when I say it like that...
> 
> Guys, I've never tried to kill anyone with Wolfsbane! I swear. Okay me denying it sounds even more suspicious. Jesus.


	23. Tamarikusu

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO  
____________  
–•–

**ANOMIE HATED THE SMELL OF DEATH**. It was pungent and it tore through your nose with such force that even pressing a thick piece of cloth against your face wouldn't take the scent away. The smell was far worse than the sight. In her lifetime, she had grown immune to horrible sights. It was a sad reality that the blood and brains spilling out like a cracked egg no longer made her stomach drop in disgust.

The smell however, that is something that no one can get used to, and if any killer says otherwise then she could practically taste their lie.

That was the smell her own wound was beginning to transform into and Tobi's constant chatter didn't do anything to lessen her annoyance as the rain slushed against her back. She wanted to kill him so badly that her fingers twitched at her sides, and if the cloaked man could feel her bloodlust, he didn't say. She was just moments away from collapsing, but pride and her own paranoia kept her upright.

"Perhaps we should rest, An-chan." His suggestion came out in a muse and Anomie felt her blood run cold at the nickname.

"In the middle of nowhere, I think not," she retorted simply and she attempted to continue walking. She didn't feel comfortable resting in a place where her weaknesses were surrounding her every breath.

Tobi went silent, and she relished in that silence, knowing it was going to be short lived. She didn't waste another moment to continue walking through the trees. "You plan on walking through the land of grass and iron on nothing but your will power."

When he said it out loud, Anomie knew she was being stubborn and ridiculous, but the rain was beginning to wear her down and she grew fearful of every droplet that hit her. Slowly she turned towards him and her brows were furrowed in concentration as she stared into the shadowed hole that rested his eye. Her lips pursed before she closed her mouth.

"What do you have in mind?" She finally asked and she noticed that his body straightened in enthusiasm. She didn't trust his happy emotions when she was unable to see his eyes. She didn't trust when his voice rose in excitement when she was unable to see the curvature of his lips.

_Simply put, I don't trust you._

"I could find a place for you to rest, An-chan," he stated with a happy grin as he lifted his head and his form towered above her so she was forced to look up to catch his eye. Although, she couldn't be certain where he was staring because the shadow and rain still restricted her vision.

"Don't..." She paused, _don't call me An-chan_ , she stopped herself from saying the full sentence. Somewhere in her stomach, the reminder of Konoha still made her sick. "Fine...just..." She stopped her sentence and felt a rush of pain jab her in her stomach where the stab wound still resided. The throbbing was beginning to hurt more than the initial cut, and her thoughts began to drift from their coherent placement. Her tongue was dry from its lack of water and her body was beginning to grow clammy and pale.

Before she could topple over, his hands steadied her shoulders until she fell into his chest.

"I don't need your help," she whispered out, and just before she lost conscious, she heard his musing chuckle.

"You haven't changed, Anomie."

The sad part was, in her delirious and near catatonic state, she almost pictured Kakashi's arms around her back.

It was then that she realized the horrible sickness in the pit of her stomach wasn't pain.

It was guilt.

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She awoke to the crackling of a fire, and the warmth of it felt nice when it brushed the side of her cheek. Fire was a welcoming change to the chill of the wind and rain on her back. She attempted to shift her body closer, but a stinging pain flooded through her insides without any warning.

She bit her bottom lip so hard that it drew a trickle of blood that spread iron smoothness along her tongue. Despite the coppery taste dripping over her lip, she merely watched the spread of shadows flicker over the back wall in the shape of the logs. The flames itself were brilliant, even without casting a mark on the wall.

It took her a long moment to realize that she was shivering violently in her spot, and she forced down the pain as she inched closer to the fire. It wasn't enough and she felt her shoulders shake with the cold that bit into her skin without any reprieve. The wound felt sore, but it wasn't the worst pain in her life and thinking about the other wounds made her feel a momentarily lapse of release.

When that Iwa ninja tore his Kodachi, still ripe with Ohashi's blood, into her shoulder and twisted just to see Anomie's face contort in pain. When she ran through smoke and fire for an hour with that same wound, using what was left of adrenaline and fear as she got past being raped twice and falling on that same shoulder with no mercy as she was knocked to the ground.

There was worse pain in this world, and Anomie refused to die by the cold. She would rather give the pain to yesterday if she could.

"You're awake," Tobi's tall and masked form rose a shadow over the cave as he knelt down next to the fire and placed some logs right next to it. Anomie almost immediately felt her shoulders tense, all previous shivers of cold disappeared as her face emptied of nostalgia and sadness as she ignored the sting when she sat up. She clutched her wound and glanced at him through thick bangs that swept over her eyes.

She wasn't sure what she was thinking when she thought it was a good idea for a ninja to have bangs.

"Where are my weapons?" she asked, immediately noticing that her tanto, that was once strapped to her upper thigh, just barely hidden by the bits of material that wrapped around her hips with the ropes that connected to her midriff in a belt–it was now gone from sight. The weapons pack that had once dangled underneath that decorative rope was now nowhere to be found and she felt naked when she realized that fact.

All her hair was loose at her shoulders, proving that the hairpins, sharp with blades at the end, were missing. She furrowed her brows, finding that at least her arm guards still rested just over her black gloves.

She could always activate a seal if things went cross, but she'd rather leave that for a last resort.

"It's dangerous to rest with so many weapons, An-chan," Tobi replied with a happy grin. "I was a good boy and removed them for you."

Her jaw locked and she found that even the blade she kept hidden in her arm guard, lining her forearm, was also missing. It was with calm amusement that she realized that this freak had frisked her quite thoroughly in her sleep. She glanced between him and the fire, tempted to burn his face in the ashes, but instead, her lips quirked into an amused smile.

"I'm going to ignore the disgust in my gut and instead ask where we are." Anomie said simply and he practically bounced all over the place as he knelt down close to her face.

"We are on the border between the land of Iron and Rice." He announced and Anomie nearly tipped over in surprise.

"That's not possible." She said simply, and he tilted his head to the side.

To get to the land of Grass would take a day at least, and that was if she were running. But to travel three countries east with her unconscious and injured on this man's back was impossible. She glanced behind him, and stared deep into the darkness of the outside world, noticing the luscious and rich grassy fields of the rain village were nowhere to be seen. It would take hours to get away from the eastern fields and the forest that surrounded the land of rain and the border of the village of Grass to the east.

But the outside of the cave, just barely visible through the flicker of flames, rested a dry plot of land, rocky like that of a mountainside. She thought back to her travels, remembering that the mountains were far to the west, past the hidden rain village south.

The only other place that held rocky mountains in this area was, as Tobi said, on the border of the land of Iron. Either direction would have been impossible to get to in so short of a time. To travel past the boundaries of a war stricken hidden village such as the Rain village would be impossible with an injured girl on your back. There would be no sneaking around it, as the Rain village had high towers and flat terrain. A Shinobi would be able to see someone as conspicuous as the two of them.

"You don't believe me," Tobi's voice was saddened and she felt her eyes slightly narrow as she stared at his rigid posture that remained so close to her form. "After all the work I took to get you here, aren't you going to praise and thank me?"

Somewhere down the line, it had become increasingly difficult for Anomie to let out a genuine sign of gratitude. "Where are my weapons?" She decided to ask instead, feeling her shoulders tense as she leaned in towards his face, her lips only a distance of millimeters away from his mask. It was in that moment, through the flicker of flames, that she was able to see the onyx color of his eye.

She examined it over and over again, and slowly realized that she had been correct. There was no amusement or laughter in his gaze. She only saw bitterness and darkness. The moment she saw it, he stood up with a joyous bounce.

"Scary, Senpai..." He said with a cute bounce in his tone. "I placed them in a pile for you," he stated simply, mere moments later.

Anomie glanced towards the pile, far from the fire and near the entrance of the cave, and found that a stack of hidden weapons rested.

"I bandaged senpai's wound, but healing arts aren't my specialty. Tobi is a good boy, so I made sure to get rid of any chance of an infection spreading," Tobi said happily, tapping on the bottom of his mask where his mouth would have resided.

Anomie had never developed the patience for medical Ninjutsu. In theory, with her perfect Chakra control, it would have been easy to master. However, it took too long and required a study of the human body and its systems and functions.

Anomie glanced down at her hands. Her hands just weren't made for mending broken bones and she had no right to learn.

Her body was only made to destroy.

"The Ninjutsu you spoke of and the secrets you promised," Anomie asked slowly, and she saw Tobi's shadowed eye glance in her direction without any hesitation. "What would you have us do in return?"

"Nothing worse than what you've already done, An-chan," Tobi said happily, and she wanted to scoff.

She had made the opening of the bingo book only days after she slaughtered Konoha's Anbu hit squad on her way out of the land of Fire. Perhaps that was the Hokage's way of helping her get on Orochimaru's good side, or perhaps the Hokage hoped that somehow, someone else would take care of the both of them. She for one was getting quite tired of assassination attacks on her life.

It was in that moment that she noticed her body was covered in that of a thick cloak with red clouds. She lifted it slightly to her hips and found the material was soft, and the bright red clouds were stitched in with skill.

She hated when her heart slightly warmed at the idea that a random stranger would shed his cloak for her. Perhaps she had spent too much time with criminals and the damned.

"Orochimaru is not a man easily swayed with words," she said slowly and glanced at Tobi, who had taken to roasting a marshmallow in the flames during her momentarily state of recollections.

She saw Tobi lift the marshmallow to the hole in his mask and saw him shove the short stick, marshmallow and all, into the hole.

She hated it, but for a moment she found herself forcing down a chuckle. It had been so long since she felt the desire to laugh, but something about the masked idiot made her feel on the edge of safety and mistrust.

"I think I did this wrong," came Tobi's echoed voice through his mask, but when he pulled the stick out from the eyehole, the marshmallow was gone and she watched a lump go down his throat when he swallowed.

She placed her head into her knees, her hair dropping over her bare shoulders. She hated in that moment that she had decided on an outfit so scantily covered with her sides bare and her back uncovered.

There was nothing to hide the shake of her shoulders when she laughed.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

As it turns out, judging by the high mountains and coursing rivers that swelled through the opening of land, this was in fact the land of Iron. Anomie found herself even more confused how one man could travel such distance in a short amount of time, but decided that there was too much to the world of Ninjutsu that she didn't yet know.

"Senpai!" Tobi's voice rose in excitement, and it seemed to her that this man was a much better actor than she thought and he seemed to be growing into the role of this happy persona. The kinks and chips she saw in his speech were slowly starting to disappear and it seemed as if he made less mistakes around her. Before, she was certain that he wasn't what he seemed, and now, everything he did drove her further into thinking he was just a hyperactive idiot.

Said idiot jumped out near the clearing, rushing to the river where the waterfall merged from up above. He turned his form to her in a spin.

"Are we almost there yet?" He asked, and she felt her patience slightly ware thin. "Tobi will understand if you admit that we're lost."

"Trust me," Anomie said simply, annoyed that he would insult her navigation skills with such an innocent and happy tone of voice. "I wouldn't try and stall our time together by feigning false knowledge."

Tobi tapped his mask where his lips would be, which she noticed was a habit of his. "Senpai, where are you leading us then?"

Anomie felt a spike of pain in her abdomen when she took a step closer to the river and sat down. Her skin was pale and milky and her breathing was wavering. "Orochimaru has many hidden bases located in the north east territory of the land of Rice. I am not certain which base he resides at, and I don't plan on showing some freak where it is."

"An-chan," Tobi's voice grew sad. "I thought we were friends. Wasn't Tobi a good boy?"

"All offense intended, Tobi," Anomie retorted as glanced down at her top, it was styled like that of a one piece bathing suit with the sides slit open for easy movability (also, she liked wearing as little clothes as possible), and the top part was strapped to her skirt, tied in between the decorative rope that her weapons case hid under. She unstrapped it and lifted her top up past her waist, seeing the bandages around her abdomen had soaked through with blood again. "Loyalty is a rare occurrence in this world, and I don't trust you or your red clouded cult."

"We don't have enough members to be a cult," Tobi stated with an extra bounce in his step. "Tobi is a good boy, and he's really good with secrets."

 _Oh god he's talking in third person._ Anomie thought with a grimace that was half caused by the pain in her side and the other half caused by the foreshadow of an annoying habit of his that she felt she was going to have to hear more often than she'd like.

"See," Tobi pulled out a jar the size of his hand from his cloak and she slowly turned her head to stare at him, noticing the jar had a piece of paper taped to it with the bright red crayon script of 'secrets' written on the front. "I keep all my secrets in here."

Anomie quickly noticed that there was only one and it was crumbled messily, resting at the bottom.

In moments she began to wonder if this asshole was toying with her or if he was actually so daft.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Orochimaru-sama, this is-" Anomie didn't get a chance to answer as Tobi lurched forward in excitement to meet the legendary Sannin.

Obviously, the hyperactive boy wasn't expecting the bumpy surface, as his foot slipped on a crack and he fell stomach and face first into the walkway near Orochimaru's feet.

"I'm...sorry," Anomie mumbled, her cheeks reddening slightly as she glanced towards the side, as if she were waiting for the walls to swallow her up whole. "He's a representation of an organization that wants to recruit you..."

Orochimaru's eyes were sparkling with amusement as he raised a thin brow in the smoke prodigy's direction. "Him?"

"I didn't say he was a good ambassador," Anomie answered, forcing the humiliation down her throat so she wouldn't have to taste its bitterness on her tongue.

Tobi sprung up as if he came back from the dead and he rushed in front of Orochimaru before Anomie could restrain him. Slowly she felt her shoulders sag.

"You know what, I don't care anymore," she said, turning her heel. "He's all yours now, boss. Said secret Ninjutsu could be awaken with their organization's help. I figured you'd be interested."

"Still a spot for you too, An-chan," Tobi shouted and she paused, feeling a tinge of warmth in her heart form before it faded away.

The moment she exited the room, on-looking the maze of hallways, she sighed a breath of relief to get away from the overactive kid who had been shackled to her side for days.

She placed her hand to her stomach, feeling dampness through the thin material of her shirt. In her brief moment of silence, she found herself slightly surprised when a voice interrupted that lull. "I could heal that for you."

The voice made her lips lower into the smallest of frowns as she turned her head to the stone still form of Kimimaro. "You're even worse of a healer than I am."

His body was still pale, and his eyes held what looked to be reminiscent of bags from lack of sleep. Undoubtedly he decided to skip the comforts of his bed in order to fulfill his daily tasks for Orochimaru. Mission were always something to be expected from a man who wanted to know everything there was to know about Jutsu.

"Perhaps, but you are running low on options," he replied, and she stared at him for a long moment before unwrapping her bandages and unstrapping her shirt. She promptly lifted her shirt over her mid-riff, watching him carefully as his eyes scanned over the wound on her stomach, noticing the outline of bruising around the opening of parted skin.

He glanced towards her eyes, their gazes connected for a long moment.

"You stabbed yourself," he said slowly, and she blinked, cutting back the snarl that wanted to make itself known. She knew by the tilt in his head and the slight twitch of his lips that he found it amusing.

"Options were low," she answered back in retort. "Hurry up or I'll tear out a bone and shove it up your ass. It will bring about a new example of fucking yourself."

He slightly smiled before he raised his palms over her stomach and his hands slowly glowed green. His Chakra was warm and it brought about a tickling sensation to run down her arms and over her sides.

However, his Chakra control was weak and she noticed that it did little for the wound that just barely managed to bring the parted pieces of skin back together. She knew that the slightest bit of pressure would likely cause it to open back up again, but that was okay.

She wanted everything to hurt.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

It was around this time when Anomie witnessed one of Orochimaru's numerous experiments. She had been assigned to Kabuto's side during this time, watching as he injected needle after needle into the arms of many of the test subjects.

Watching them become overcome with a disease that bulged their veins out from their skin, almost making the impression of thorns, made her fill with a small sickness that bubbled in her stomach.

"What is the purpose of these experiments?" Anomie asked, watching as many of these people withered on their beds, strapped down like livestock, hulled to the slaughter.

"We need different types of warfare if we are to take on Konoha," Kabuto answered, without so much as sparing her a glance.

"Do continue then, however," her fingers traced the IV drip that connected to a tube filled with black liquid. "Aren't there easier methods? Poisons that already exist?"

Kabuto's lips quirked up into a smirk, his eyes narrowing on Anomie's face for a moment. "This poison can be weaponized in the air, and it targets the coils of your Chakra, filling it and slowly replacing it with outside particles. There is no cure without permanently damaging the Chakra coils, and then the patient dies anyway. Konoha will spend so much time trying to find the cure and by the time they realize there is none, it will be too late."

"What is the endgame? What is the purpose?" she asked instead, eyeing the paperwork that rested on the table.  
  
"Whatever Orochimaru says it is," Kabuto told her, but obviously the little boy still had his own dislikes about the girl next to him. "Are you on board?"

"Don't see why not," she answered, giving the paperwork on the poison one more glance. It would only take her two hours to steal it, thirty minutes to have it sent to Konoha, and five days for Konoha to raid the lab and shut down its proceedings.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"You brought back quite a prize," Orochimaru's voice rang through her ears as he leaned over a giant wooden table; the scroll that Anomie had killed for was now opened. On it held diagrams and Jutsu in such a format that she knew only Orochimaru would be able to understand what they offered.

"I should hope so, as I discovered that rainy terrain is not my ally," Anomie stated with a slow shake of her head.

Orochimaru glanced up through the partition of black hair, and his eyes ran over her body before settling over the bandages just barely visible through the opening of clothing just over her sides. She noticed his lips form into a frown. "I thought as much." And you sent me anyway. Careful, Orochimaru, one might think you're trying to get me killed. "But you're the only one I would trust with something like this."

Anomie felt her heart slightly warm once more, chasing away the earlier sting of betrayal that she felt before. "What about Kimimaro?"

Orochimaru glanced up, "I trust you because you get things done efficiently, Fuyu-chan. Quick and easy with no mercy." Orochimaru slightly smirked. "Kimimaro wrecks carnage and his methods are noisy."

"One of the Hoshimozu mentioned something about a location," Anomie brought up after a moment, taking a step forward. "I have ransacked my head for an answer to what, but sadly I'm not very knowledgeable on this subject."

Greed flashed through his eyes, and he glanced back towards the scroll, "I wanted this to complete the final component of a Jutsu that I've been unable to perfect." He admitted, and Anomie tilted her head slightly to the side as her eyes ran over his face over and over again. "But the Hoshimozu are associated with another great clan that I'm sure even you have heard of in your years bedding for wealth."

"There are many names," Anomie said. "Many stories."

"Uzumaki," Orochimaru said as his lips curled into a forming smirk. "Surely you know of this story, considering."

"Considering what?" she asked, and he shook his head with a smile. "I know of it. The clan that was destroyed for power. Tragic. What about it?"

"Some survived and sought refuge all over the country. I, before now, only knew of one with the power of the Uzumaki. A boy with the power of a demon."

Anomie's brows furrowed, "you speak of the fox?" She hadn't known this sorrowful fact, but she should have expected as much. "The fox demon is heavily guarded. Day and night. There is no getting close to him."

Orochimaru's lips curled into a wider smirk, "I've found that there is little places you are unable to travel."

Anomie bit her bottom lip hard enough to feel the burn. "What makes you target the fox boy now?"

Orochimaru ran his hand over the scroll as if it were gold, "this Jutsu I covet requires a Uzumaki touch. Fūinjutsu is complicated and requires time and energy that I covet. This scroll holds much knowledge and potential, including information of a Uzumaki refuge in Kusogakure."

"If there is access to Uzumaki in Kusogakure, what is the purpose of the nine tailed fox?" _And the very same fox that got Saru killed._

Of course, that had been the masked man's doing, and there were nights she stilled remembered the way his blade shined and glimmered as it tore through her mentor's throat.

"The truth is," Orochimaru said with a shrug. "I have access to Uzumaki blood quite easily, but I covet the fox boy for a different reason."

"What could that be?" Anomie asked.

"The Akatsuki were quite the group in the Rain village so long ago," Orochimaru admitted.

"You've heard of them?"

"I figured they'd try and recruit me, so I'd like to get something they want...as leverage."

Anomie lips pursed. "What could they want with a demon child?"

"That much is not my concern. I covet the blood of the Uzumaki clan and I am unable to decipher the location of the refuge, and in the meantime," Orochimaru paused, glancing towards Anomie's awaiting expression. "I suppose sending you to Konoha would pass the time."

"You want me to bring the brat here?"

Orochimaru let out a dark chuckle, "While I'm sure that you taking care of a child would be an interesting show, I would rather not inflict Konoha's wrath on me so quickly. I don't need a demon child wondering around, inflicting chaos. I want to make sure this kid can't prove to be a problem."

Orochimaru walked forward until he was in front of her, and in moments, he gripped her wrist and turned it over so her palm rested flat in front of him.

"I want a fail safe plan," he commented. "Just in case this Akatsuki proves to be a problem or if this demon comes to be a problem then I'd like to make trouble for them in that near future."

His fingers traced over the tattoo over her wrist, the same marking that had burned over the seal that had rested her Chakra in dormant. It still left a reminder that Orochimaru could steal away her life force and her Jutsu.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked and his eyes snapped up to meet hers.

"I want you to make it difficult for this kid to activate his Chakra."

"Fūinjutsu? What do you have to gain from such actions?"

"I developed a new seal, and I'd like to test its strength on the host of the most powerful of demons." 

"What do you have to gain?"

"Knowledge. Uzumakis are unique in their ability to rejuvenate their Chakra and their life force. Simply put, I want to develop a seal that can counteract that and disrupt their natural ability to distribute Chakra. At its strongest state, in theory, it would be able to control a demon."

"And the Akatsuki want to collect demons?" Anomie asked, finally understanding his order. "They are collecting demons...that is what they desire from us?"

"Their motivations aren't my concern, but if they become a problem with their power, I'd like to have an attack available for retaliation."

"And you covet the Uzumaki clan as well?"

Orochimaru's chuckle deepened. "I covet everything, don't you remember, Fuyu-chan?" His fingers slid over her cheek.

"Teach me the seal you wish for me to perform," she stated in return, feeling the burn of his touch against her skin. "I'll do whatever you need."

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

She just wished his needs hadn't brought her back to Konoha.

Somewhere in her heart, she had hoped to never set foot in this village again, and yet here she was, standing on the walls of the very place she had betrayed. It was just as well and it wasn't as if she could run from her crime forever. It wasn't as if she could run from her guilt forever, and off in some corner of this village still rested a memorial stone with names carved with the aid of her blood soaked palms.

But she had little care for a stone in the distance. She only had eyes for the fox demon that currently swung his body back and forth on a swing. His feet kicked the dirt, rising dust in the air. There wasn't much else left for her to do but watch as his eyes remained down casted into the dirt.

Somewhere in the distance, an Anbu ninja watched over him and she knew that she'd have to add to her crimes by stealing their breath.

It felt like strong hands were gripping her shoulders tightly and dragging her down into hell when she recognized a small dog, Pakkun, nudge into the fox's leg, dragging his nose over that demon's skin in a manner so affectionate and soothing that the demon picked the dog up and his blue eyes sparkled with a bit more life.

_Of course it'd be you, Kakashi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> タマリクス (Tamarikusu) in English is a Tamarix. It means guilt or a crime. It is also called a salt cedar tree, as these flowers normally rest on thin branches


	24. Furokkusu

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE  
____________  
–•–

**LUCK HAD BEEN AGAINST HER EVER SINCE SHE WAS A CHILD, FISHING BY THE RIVER** while her mother sold vegetables at the market. Still, if it was anyone else, perhaps things would have been different and she wouldn't have to get within five feet of a demon's heart. Sadly, Anomie's life had never been blessed with luck, and rather, it was cursed with constant broken mirrors and black cats crossing in front of her eyes.

Anomie couldn't get near the demon, _Naruto_ , without Kakashi noticing her. Someone as strong as him and as perceptive as him would see through any attempt in trickery. That was why she took notice to some little child with long hair that rested down to the middle of her back. The girl was so _bright_ and happy and _pink_. Anomie didn't much care for children, and even less so now.

"Sakura! Hurry up!" rang a woman's voice, and Anomie glanced left through the partition of tree branches, towards the blonde girl with equally as long hair that rested past her elbows in a ponytail.

"I'll catch up with you later," Sakura replied as she gathered her books into a pile on her desk. "I have to go check in with my mom this time." Sakura scoffed, sounding annoyed. "She got mad last time I didn't ask."

The blonde girl huffed, causing bangs to scatter upwards. "Alright, but if you're too late, then I'll just have to have Sasuke all to myself."

Anomie raised an eyebrow, _are they stalking someone?_ It was with calm bemusement that she noticed a raven haired Uchiha boy in the back with all the attention of the female population in awe.

Anomie let out a sigh, shutting her eyes and rolling them when her lids opened. "Maybe I should choose someone else..."

The truth was, Sakura would probably have the most affect. She was loud and _bright_ and colorful.

"This is going to be annoying," Anomie muttered out, watching as the students left the school one by one, heading home for the night. They were so happy that it made Anomie sick to her stomach.

Sakura was rather clueless when it came to her surroundings, and didn't notice when Anomie tossed a kunai with wire attached to the end, into the ground. The wire caught on the girl's leg, causing her to sprawl to the ground.

Anomie's lips twitched in amusement as she jumped out of the trees, her kimono loose at her sides as she walked towards the child. "Are you alright? That was quite the fall."

Anomie held out her hand, watching as Sakura stared at it for a short moment before placing her palm into Anomie's awaiting grasp.

"Thanks," Sakura said, her eyes running over the woman's perfect face and perfectly sized forehead.

_This girl wants to be a ninja and can't even tell when she's been tripped with a wire?_

Anomie's lips spread into a gentle smile that felt foreign on her face. "It's no problem, but it looks like you hurt yourself." Anomie knelt down, placing her elbows on her knees and resting her chin onto her palms.

Sakura glanced down at her scraped knees with a pout, "Aw man, my mom's gonna be so annoying about this."

Anomie was confused, "Why is that? It's only a cut. Won't she just kiss your wound and tell you to be careful?"

Sakura's frown deepened, "She's always worrying for no reason because I chose to be a Kunoichi."

 _That's probably because you're so weak._ "Mother's worry, but if you like, I can heal that for you."

It was smaller than a battle wound and would require little to no effort. Anomie reached forward, her palm glowing green as her Chakra brought back together the broken skin on Sakura's knees. In the meantime, Sakura was staring at her hand as if Anomie were performing a miracle.

Anomie _hated_ medical Ninjutsu, as it was difficult and often caused her to inflict more damage than aid. More than that, the only person that Anomie had ever really needed to heal was herself, and performing medical Jutsu on her own body was an advanced practice that took months to master, if not years. She just never had the patience for it.

"That was amazing. You're a Kunoichi?" Sakura asked, running her fingers over the now healed portion of skin.

"A Shinobi," Anomie said with a simple shrug.

"I've never met a female ninja up close before," Sakura admitted, causing Anomie to smile.

"I'm glad to be of service, but I'm actually not here to chat," Anomie reached over and turned to smoke, catching Sakura unaware. Her body filled the girl's and in mere moments, any trace of Sakura was gone.

Anomie glanced at her small hands before running her fingers through the pink strands of hair at her sides.

"Sorry kid," Anomie muttered, her voice higher than normal like that of any child. "I just need to borrow it."

She grabbed the bag of books that Sakura had dropped to the ground before she walked over to the kunai that Anomie had thrown into the concrete. The wire was still attached and it would probably be her only weapon for a while.

Anomie gripped her hands around the base, finding that Sakura's strength was pathetic, but after two tugs she managed to yank the kunai out from the road. After that, Anomie rolled the wire and shoved it into her bag before tossing the bag over her shoulder.

She had never possessed such a weak body, but she doubted she needed strength in an equally as weak village.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

"Sakura!" The nameless blonde nearly tackled Anomie into a hug the moment she managed to catch sight of the blond demon boy. Said boy was kicking a stone as he walked into the opening gates of the ninja academy. Anomie wanted to skewer the blonde girl for being one of many annoyances in the last fifteen hours. "You ditched me!"

The first annoyance was of course, Sakura Haruno's mother, who proved to be an overprotective and observant woman who almost immediately noticed the change in her daughter's behavior. Anomie narrowly decided against making Sakura an orphan, and now she was narrowly deciding against making Sakura friendless.

"Maybe Sakura just didn't wanna hang out with you Ino pig," came a snooty girl's voice, and almost immediately Ino's body stiffened and she turned towards the speaker of the insult.

"Why you!" Ino's hand raised in a fist, giving Anomie enough of a distraction to escape towards where Naruto had disappeared.

Sakura's Chakra levels were pathetic and low, but Anomie knew enough about control to make every ounce count. She slowly closed her eyes, feeling for the demon's Chakra and the moment she found its potent spark, she sprung to life and walked in its direction.

She slowly came upon the giant door to the classroom that Anomie had seen Sakura in only sixteen hours before. She slid it open, finding Naruto sitting near the window, staring out without a single person next to him.

She noticed a boy with spikey, nearly pineapple shaped hair, sleeping two seats down. There was another boy, munching on chips, spewing pieces over the table with loud and obnoxious sound effects. Anomie rolled her eyes and walked past them, pulling out the chair next to Naruto, despite the fact that there were many other spots that were empty in the class.

Naruto almost immediately turned his puppy dog eyes towards her and she was forced into staring into his baby blue eyes that looked so similar to his father's that Anomie nearly lost her breath.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked with a bright grin that visibly caused Naruto's eyes to widen.

"You want to sit by me?" he asked, and she felt a moment of disgust and bemusement. _Of course not_.

"Is this seat taken then?" she repeated, and watched Naruto bite his lip.

"Are you mocking me, dattebayo?" he asked, his eyes lighting up with a fire that almost caught her off guard.

She'd have to act more genuine if she wanted the little monster's trust...

"I am not very good with jokes, Naruto-san," she said simply, her smile not wavering as she took a seat next to him anyway. He was watching her so carefully that she was certain any other child would become flustered and self-conscious.

Obviously, Anomie wasn't any child.

"You've never talked to me before," Naruto muttered with his arms crossed.

"Really?" Anomie asked, placing her pointer finger on her bottom lip. "That's a shame cause I like talking to people. Mom says that I talk too much, but she's really annoying and she talks a lot too. Mothers are always annoying, don't you think so?" _This part I'm playing is pissing me off, but it looks to have gotten rid of the demon's anger and replaced it with sadness._

Naruto's face contorted into pain at the mention of a mother he no longer had, and seeing it didn't make Anomie's heart feel any amusement and it only struck a cord of guilt.

But the Sakura that Anomie had witnessed was thoughtless and clueless. "What's your mother like?"

"None of your business, dattebayo!" Naruto snapped, standing up. Anomie immediately gripped his wrist, forcing him back down. Sakura's strength was still pathetic, but Anomie sent Chakra up into her arm and concentrated it into her muscles in order to bring Naruto back down.

"I didn't mean to make you angry," she said, watching the surprise dart over his face in mere moments. "I just want to be your friend."

"Y-You do?" The vulnerability in Naruto's face didn't quite feel like that of a demon, and seeing it almost made Anomie's composure break apart.

"Of course. Why else would I sit by you?" she asked

Before Naruto could speak, Ino's loud voice broke through it all, "Sakura, what are you doing hanging around that show off?"

Anomie wanted to roll her eyes, but kept her mask up as she turned her head towards Ino. "What show off? Right now the only one I see is you, Ino-Pig."

Anomie wasn't certain that the line was something Sakura would normally say, but watching Ino's face contort in surprise and rage did bring upon a small sense of satisfaction.

_How petty...I'm insulting a child half my age._

"Sakura, you'll pay for that," Ino hissed out and Anomie rolled her eyes turning back towards Naruto.

"Why did you do that, dattebayo?" Naruto asked and she shrugged.

"Cause I felt like it and she was being mean," Anomie replied, taking out one of her workbooks that spoke of ninja strategy. She decided to back off a bit, as she didn't want to force a friendship on his hands.

After all, if you try and force iron to bend, the brittle metal would only break.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

Kakashi watched in boredom as the pink haired girl sit next to Naruto. He flipped another page in his book, which was the only thing keeping him from bashing his head into the nearby tree out of pure disinterest.

Although, the bubbly pink haired girl sitting next to the blond boy was a slightly interesting break of routine, but it wasn't enough to make Kakashi pay close attention. A part of him was bitter that such a mission fell on his shoulders, as it was so different than what he was used to. For he most part, he suspected it was another useless life lesson that the Third had taken to imposing on the Anbu captain's shoulders.

Perhaps it was an attempt to give Naruto a link to his father through the student of said father. Kakashi didn't much care for either option and settled for merely aiding from afar.

He slightly peaked his eye out from the cover of his book when he noticed the pink haired girl trail behind the boy that she normally avoided like a plague. It was a rather random occurrence that threw Kakashi off, but perhaps if he paid more attention to Naruto's personal life, then he wouldn't be so surprised.

Or maybe he would, as the boy didn't seem too comfortable with the pink haired girl's presence either.

For a moment, Kakashi could have sworn the child had glanced in his direction with a smile that felt too childish and coy to match the pink girl's innocent face.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

"How about we hang out then?" Anomie suggested as she followed Naruto out of the school gates.

"You want to play with me?" Naruto asked and Anomie twirled a strand of pink hair, a habit she noticed many of the girls in class had taken to.

"I sort of insulted my best friend for you," Anomie admitted, "so now it's rather obvious that you're my only option." Anomie saw a flash of sadness in his baby blue eyes. "Also, you seem fun."

It seemed like the boy was beginning to warm up to the idea as wide grin spread across his face while he scratched his nose. The smile was almost infectious and Anomie slowly found her lips twitching to smile as well. "Okay, dattebayo, let's play ninja."

_Ninja playing ninja?_

"I'm sorry, Naruto-san, I don't know that game," Anomie slightly frowned, a slight pause in her smile.

Naruto gasped, "I have a lot to teach you, Sakura-chan."

She nearly flinched when he grabbed her hand, and if he noticed her instant of hesitation, he didn't show it.

"Okay, so I'm gonna be the Hokage and you're gonna be the assassin. You're gonna have to find me, dattebayo," he exclaimed happily and Anomie's grin widened as she nodded her head vigorously.

"Got it," Anomie wanted to scoff, _as if a demon could become leader of a village._ "Go hide, Naruto-san."

"Close your eyes and count to ten. No peeking," he stated, his expression turning coy.

"Got it," Anomie closed her eyes, placing her palms flat against her eyes for extra cover. Under normal circumstances, she would have already been sensing for his Chakra, but to do that she'd have to filter her own into the air, simultaneously draining her own power and making her an easy target for attacks. Doing such a thing would be advanced for a girl her age, and surely Kakashi would realize such an action if he'd pay attention for just a moment.

Perhaps if she was in her own body, she'd be able to hide it, but in Sakura's body, using a foreign Chakra would be as obvious as seeing a drop of oil in water.

Of course, turning Sakura's own Chakra in an advanced direction would be something she _could_ do. Although that would be possible, it would bring about too much suspicion when she left the vessel and the near prodigy like strength would be gone.

Instead, she used her other senses, noticing that Naruto's breathing was loud and his steps were clumsy. "One," she murmured and was careful to keep up her grin as if she were having fun. Naruto giggle. "Two."

She heard his steps dart towards the bushes by the time she counted to eight.

Wherever Kakashi was, wherever he watched, she had no way of knowing. _How inconvenient and annoying._

She opened her eyes, already able to see Naruto's tracks in the grass where his feet stomped over the greens blades. They were now crushed and broken with little twigs snapped in half the closer the track got to the forest.

She was tempted to roll her eyes, but glanced around with a smile as if she had no idea where he could be hiding. _As if._

Likely, if she found him too quickly, then it would hurt his pride. No boy wanted to lose to a girl.

After about two minutes, she figured she wandered around aimlessly long enough so she changed her direction and walked towards where Naruto sat in the bushes.

The moment she pushed aside the leaves a swarm of dirt clods came flying towards her stomach. She found herself caught by surprise, causing her natural reflexes to nearly kick in and she almost dodged the attack. Immediately she halted her body and dug the heels of her feet into the ground while she covered her face. This allowed the attack to hit her in the chest.

What she hadn't expected was the paint to pour from above her, and this time she nearly lost her Sakura composure and dodged the attack.

Paint dripped down her face and she caught sight of Naruto laughing and unable to control his breath that came out in gasps between laughter as he heaved over. For extra measure, tears even escaped through the corners of his eyes.

"HAHA!" he exclaimed, through his shaking shoulders and wheezing breaths. "I got you good, dattebayo!"

_I hate this kid._

Anomie lifted her hands up, inspecting the paint that dripped all over her palms.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto stopped laughing. "Are you mad?"

Anomie grinned, using her shirt to wipe away the paint from her face. "You really got me, Naruto." She got rid of the honorific, something that caused his cheeks to slightly fluster in pink hue.

Anomie's grin turned coy as she took a step forward. "Sa-Sakura-chan...what are you doing?"

"Giving you a hug, Naruto," Anomie answered, moving forward, her body covered with dirt and paint.

Naruto let out a squeak and avoided her arms.

Eventually, Anomie figured it would be appropriate timing and tackled him to the ground, wiping her messy and paint smeared hands against his face. Watching him scream from underneath her attacks was rather funny.

For some reason, despite her passive aggressive attempt to attack him, Naruto was laughing.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

Kakashi rolled his eyes, turning another page in his book with his legs propped up on the tree branch as his back rested against the bark. His anbu mask rested snug against his face, moving with his head when he turned it towards the laughing children as the pink one smeared paint over Naruto's face.

"This sucks," Kakashi muttered, flipping another page as he glanced away from the two children.

He did find it odd that the pink girl who normally avoided Naruto like a plague was now laughing along with him.

"I hate kids," he muttered out again, glancing between them and his book with a sigh.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

"Let's eat ramen, dattebayo," Naruto suggested and it took everything Anomie had to not grimace in disgust.

"I've never eaten ramen before," Anomie admitted, trying to slyly back out so she could go back to Sakura's house and get dressed. Every portion of her body was covered in specs of red paint and she could feel it start to harden over her legs.

Instead, Naruto gasped as if she just said the most atrocious comment possible in his vocabulary. He grabbed her hand in a surprisingly tight grasp that nearly threw her off guard.

"You're about to have your life changed, dattebayo," Naruto exclaimed, dragging her behind him as she made no motion to hide her disgust when his back was turned.

"I'm excited," she replied, forcing out another grin as she took a quick and fleeting moment to scan for Kakashi's Chakra.

She knew she'd have to be fast as she expanded Sakura's Chakra and mixed bits of her own to maximize her senses. In moments that felt like forever, she managed to get a glimpse, but before she could focus on where it was, she felt Naruto shake her shoulder.

"Sakura-chan!" His voice, she was slowly finding, was ridiculously loud. It almost immediately broke her concentration and it took more than she cared to admit to keep her persona up on her face. "You spaced out, dattebayo. I ordered miso for you."

_Oh God no._

Naruto must have misread the absolute disgust that transformed her expression into horror, because he immediately began to grin. "Prepare to have your mind blown, dattebayo."

"I can't wait!" Anomie exclaimed, and it almost sounded sarcastic, but luckily Naruto wasn't able to differentiate facial expressions to save his life.

She watched with disgust as the miso ramen was placed in front of her, and it took her a moment to recognize the cook, Teuchi, and it felt nostalgic to see him so unchanged in front of her. He still had that same smile and that same comfortable silence about him. In fact, Konoha itself had remained unchanged. That simple fact made her lips form into a sad frown. 

She glanced down at her miso ramen, finding that it still smelled as greasy as every other ramen dish and she forced her chopstick apart in apprehension. She could feel Naruto stare as if she were about to do something amazing instead of just eat ramen, and she found the boy to be slightly soothing when he's silent.

She took a bite, feeling the slippery grease slide across her tongue and she grinned turning to Naruto. "It's delicious, Naruto!" She took another bite, able to get a large smell of the bamboo and egg the closer that she leaned in. "I was missing out."

"Ramen is life, dattebayo!" He exclaimed, eating the ramen to every last drop before he asked for another.

Anomie eyes widened slightly as she watched the boy eat bowl after bowl by the time she barely managed to finish half of her own.

She rolled her eyes, listening to his mindless chatter as she used Sakura's Chakra to search for Kakashi's Chakra as she absently tried to ignore the taste of the ramen as she slurped it.

She could feel tiny Chakra levels from wandering villagers, but they were weak and unbalanced. None of them held the same feel as his. She hated that she still remembered his Chakra, but she ignored that surge of annoyance as she finally closed her eyes, allowing her world to fade to black. She toned out Naruto's voice and the sound of Teuchi stirring the broth. She toned out the sound of ramen being obnoxiously slurped and she silenced the sound of footsteps from all around her.

The wind that once flooded through light strands of her hair and against her cheeks disappeared from her senses.

 _Ah...there you are_.

He wasn't far, and his Chakra was concealed to the point where had she not spent so much time around it, then she would have never found it.

Her lips pressed into a toneless smile to block out the fact that her senses were shot, and yet the thought of him being so close made her want to run away.

_I will destroy this feeling...if it's the last thing I do..._

She nearly fell off the chair when she heard Naruto's grumble from next to her.

"What do you mean you have no money?" Teuchi stated with a frown, and Anomie watched as Naruto sunk into his chair.

"Sorry gramps," Naruto muttered while scratching his nose and adjusting his goggles. 

Anomie could tell this wasn't the first time this has happened and she could barely react by the time Naruto grinned, grabbing Anomie's arm and dragging her away before she could leave money for her food.

"Sorry gramps, I'll make it up to you, dattebayo," Naruto exclaimed as he dragged her away.

Anomie did, however, catch sight of something Naruto did not.

Kakashi jumped down from the ledge with a bored sigh and an orange book in his hand, Anbu mask and all, and left money on the counter.

Anomie began to run faster than Naruto, dragging him down an alleyway to escape from Kakashi's eye.

"Sorry Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned, scratching his head and adjusting his goggles while they walked through the ally way and in between the buildings.

Anomie glanced at him from behind her with a smile, "I'm having a lot of fun actually. We should hang out more often."

She doubted Naruto was expecting that, judging by the fact people and kids alike avoided him so drastically. She remembered that even with her time in the village, not many had nice things about the demon host, least of all herself.

_Guilt._

Maybe it was because he reminded her so drastically of Obito. Maybe that was why she couldn't actually hate the demon as much as she wanted to.

And Obito reminded her of Rin.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

Anomie walked in the middle of the road, careful to overlook the buildings near the academy. The sun was just beginning to set in the east by the time she stood, in Sakura's body, in the same position she was in when she first possessed it.

Her eyes were drooping and the skin no longer fit as well as it had when she first possessed it. She knew if she didn't remove herself, she'd either be forcefully rejected or Sakura would die.

Probably both.

She decided to go for the better option of leaving on her own, and in moments she ejected herself and felt her smoke body erupt out of Sakura's mouth and nostrils until Anomie was once more kneeling in the same position she had been when she first entered the child's vessel.

She had made sure to dress the girl in the same out she had been in before and she made sure to leave her in the same time of day as before.

Slowly, and none the wiser, Sakura blinked her eyes. "Are you alright?" Anomie asked with a soft tone as she leaned in a millimeter closer. "You spaced out for a moment."

Sakura shook her head, letting out a cough that sounded raspy and dehydrated in her lungs, "I'm sorry, my head just hurts all of a sudden."

Anomie nodded, "it's fine. Take care of yourself." She stood up straight and her hair bobbed over her shoulders.

"Yeah." Sakura murmured, squeezing her eyes shut in pain as she watched the Shinobi turn around the corner of a building and disappear.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

Anomie's Chakra was depleted and she could barely move her arms by the time her body slumped over the wall of a building. Every muscle in her body felt sore and her tongue was cracking with thirst.

The sun had set and the darkness of night felt cold on her skin by the time she dragged her body through the alleyway and to the bright lights of the red light district. Men laughed as they hung over their friend's shoulders in a drunk slump. Her fingers dug into the bricks as she forced her legs to move closer to the Yūkaku house that remained bright and standing in the distance. It still looked the same, that bright house surrounding by darkness, always being the place sucking away the life from other houses.

She took a deep breath, using the last of her strength to turn into smoke and sift through the air until she pressed through the cracks of the wooden window near the entrance.

Her vision was hazy and she could barely make out the head Tayū's body, straight and rigid with her legs folded underneath the kotatsu table. Her hand wrote in soft sprawls and squiggles over parchment after parchment. Her hair was still clouded in black locks, perfectly weaving over and in between hair pins. Her lips were still that familiar red to contrast well with the pale makeup of her face.

The room was orderly and perfect until Anomie's body fell from the smoke that hovered over the ceiling until her silhouette became whole once more in a kneeling position in front of Minami.

Minami glanced up with a slight jump as Anomie raised her head, her hair falling over her shoulders and dragging to the ground.

"Guess whose back," Anomie greeted with a thin smile, noticing Minami's lips part in recognition.

"Charming as always, Kiyomi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ピンクのフロックス (Pinku no furokkusu) also known as a pink Phlox. It means hope of a new friendship.


	25. Gāberadeijī

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR  
____________  
–•–

**WHEN SHE WAS A GIRL, SHE MET A BEAUTIFUL DANCER BY THE NAME OF SHIEMI** who spoke of a time when she fell in love with a lowly blacksmith without a penny to his name. They were to be married in the spring, but come winter, his funds got low and men came in the night to collect her as repayment for his loans. Love was as fickle as trust, and both would come tumbling down at the first sign of trouble. That being said, Anomie had plenty cause to be cautious of doing either. 

"Why are you here?" Minami stood, smoothing her Kimono and tightening the wrapping that tied in a bow around her waist. The tie looked as straight as ever from the front.

"Refuge," Anomie cut straight to the point, deciding against being coy as Minami always had a tendency to beat the coyness out of her.

" _You_ seek refuge from me?" Minami's lips curled into an ugly smile that reminded Anomie of the dream she once had of burning this place to the ground.

"We are the same." At this point, it was only pride that kept her standing. "Oiran look after each other. I was told that once."

Minami's lips curled into a smirk, "by what? A greeting card?"

"By a much prettier Tayū than you. Younger too," Anomie retorted with a sneer as she watched through hooded lids as Minami took a step closer.

"I see. You're trying to taunt me?" Minami let out a hollow laugh, her voice rumbling against her chest. "What good could helping you bring me?"

Anomie's lips twitched in a display of amusement. In mere moments, she was in front of the Tayū with her fingers pressed tightly against the woman's throat. "I am weakened and exhausted, but I could still snap you in half like a twig."

Minami's lips curled up as she dragged her fingers over the palm that squeezed her neck. "You're trying to frighten a whore? Who do you think you're talking to? Is it Tuesday already, because these consistent threats all just run together."

Anomie shook her head with a smile as she leaned in closer to the woman's lips. "They can only kill you, Mimi. Don't forget," Anomie dragged her lips near the woman's ear. "I can _destroy you._ "

Minami's heart didn't skip or slow, and the woman merely laughed, causing Anomie to let her throat free.

"I don't like you, Kiyomi," Minami commented with a bitter and wry smile. "But I'll be damned if I said I didn't respect you. A whore going from the bed in the slums to a bed of a criminal."

Anomie scoffed at the notion of her every allowing Orochimaru bed her. The man would sooner fuck a snake.

"It did sound like a greeting card when you said it out loud," Minami shoved past her, knocking her shoulder against Anomie's in a merciless shove that would have once likely caused Anomie to fall backwards. Pride was all that kept her going at this moment. "But you're right. My loyalty is here, in this house. You could burn this village to the ground and we'll be paid to fuck its ashes."

"I don't hate you at all, Mimi-chan," Anomie commented offhandedly. "To be honest, I would even say that I liked you. You're stronger than most ninja I meet and you've got more balls than most men."

"That's because at the end of the night, I steal men's balls and feed them to the dogs," Minami commented simply, and for a moment Anomie was reminded of a bitchier version Ohashi. It was a nostalgic pity, and Anomie found that she was attracted to Minami just as much as she had been attracted to Ohashi.

And she hated Minami just as much as she had hated Ohashi, but hatred didn't matter when she immersed herself in the musings of whores.

"All this time," Anomie stated, feeling her strength begin to drift. "And I'm back where I started...crossing over the threshold of a whore house..." Anomie's legs finally gave out, and for the first time, she saw surprise drift over Minami's face as the Tayū moved toward Anomie's falling body. "Because there's nothing else I can do and nowhere else I can go."

Anomie let out a shallow laugh as the blurry image of Minami began to drift in and out of sight. For a moment, the beautiful woman almost looked like Ohashi.

"There is always another place to go," Minami whispered. "We're just too afraid to go there."

"I'd rather fuck the ashes," Anomie whispered as Minami cradled her head in her lap.

She heard the Tayū let out a sweet chuckle. "Always so charming."

Anomie closed her eyes and let go of her pride to rest.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Sakura started the morning confused. For some odd reason, Ino was giving her the stink eye when she walked near the Yamanaka flower shop. Usually, the two would walk to school every morning, but this morning, Ino just shoved by her and nearly knocked her off balance.

Sakura brows furrowed and she rushed to catch up, "YAH! What's your problem?"

Ino didn't look happy to be called out and almost immediately turned towards Sakura with a scowl. "Bite me, forehead!"

Sakura stopped speed walking and just stood in the middle of the road, watching as Ino continued walking without her.

_Could she be mad because I didn't hang out with her yesterday?_ Sakura frowned at the thought. She had meant to ask her mother if she could meet up with Ino, but because of the migraine that erupted in her temples, it had slipped her mind.

Sakura's eyes filled with tears as she pressed her fingers against her forehead. Her bottom lip trembled and she quickly attempted to hide her tears with her hair as she walked to class.

"Stupid Ino," Sakura muttered, wiping away her tears.

By the time she got to class, another weird thing happened. Naruto, the annoying class troublemaker, _smiled at her_. Sakura furrowed her brows, sitting as far from Ino as possible, one seat away from Naruto as all the others were full. She leaned her face into her arms as she stared with envy at the seat Ino occupied next to Sasuke.

"Stupid Ino," Sakura's mumble came out muffled and quiet as her lips pressed against her arms.

"Whose stupid?" Naruto asked, scooting down a seat so he sat by her. Sakura's brows furrowed again and she jumped in surprise with the proximity of his face to hers.

"What are you doing?" Sakura hissed, backing away with a frown.

"Asking a question," Naruto stated, and Sakura noticed Ino giving her a scowl from the corner of her eye.

"I got that, stupid," Sakura spat out with a bit of venom.

"What's wrong with you, dattebayo?" he asked with a frown.

_What the hell is going on?_

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Anomie awoke to the sun rising in the east through the opening of the window. She felt her strength slowly filter into her veins as her eyes blinked away the prior darkness. She saw her body was clothed with a kimono of the Yūkaku house and she felt a moment of violation that someone had dressed her.

Her hair was tied in clips and braids like that of a painted whore and slowly her brows furrowed before her eyes widened. _Sakura._

The sun was still relatively low in the sky. Anomie noticed this upon standing up and glancing out the window. She placed her hand on the glass and her body turned into smoke and slipped through the tiny crevices in between the slightly open window. The moment she was outside, she was greeted with the noise of the red light district's hotel complex.

She placed her hands in quick hand signals with a sigh. She swiftly brought the Chakra into her hands, feeling the low burn of the body flicker Jutsu erupt through her hands. Ironically enough, her feet landed on the roof of the Ichiraku stand. She glanced down at it with a slight eye roll while she moved her gaze toward the horizon and overview of buildings, seeing the ninja academy in the distance.

"Damn it," she muttered, body flickering once more and landing on the ground next to the back exit. 

She could feel Naruto's Chakra; which meant Kakashi wouldn't be far.

She had stupidly allowed that girl to enter the building, and now the idiot was going to ruin any chance she had to getting close to the demon with her big mouth and equally big forehead.

Anomie lightly tapped her head against the building, finding her annoyance skyrocket. She knew she couldn't use any Jutsu to close to Kakashi's observant eye, and a Jutsu as giant as a body possession would surely be noticeable.

"Damn it," she muttered once more. _I should have kidnapped the girl..._

Anomie realized it slowly that she had been careless. She had been kind.

"One choice then..." Anomie rolled her eyes making the symbol of Tora, and in moments a fire clone emerged next to her. It was an exact and perfect replica, and Anomie reached over and tucked a strand of her doppelgänger's hair behind her ear.

Anomie closed her eyes, searching for Kakashi's Chakra.

After a long minute, her eyes opened and her doppelgänger slightly smile in a murmur of, "Be quick about it."

Hearing her own clone sass her made Anomie's lips spread into a frown. "Bite me." Her clone rolled her eyes and disappeared, causing Anomie to scowl. "I _am_ a bitch."

Anomie disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

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Kakashi glanced towards the east where rested the exit of the ninja academy. He stood up on a thick branch as he felt the surge of Chakra erupt from behind the building. It was strong, much stronger than that of any children in training and stronger than a mere Chūnin instructor.

He slightly sighed, tucking his book into his pocket as he gave once last glance towards Naruto through the giant window of the ninja academy.

Before he could so much as remove the covering over his eye, a snap of fire rushed out in front of him. It was more of a surprise rather than an attack, but it was effective enough to cause him to lose his footing for a mere instant. His feet landed smoothly on the grass, and he glanced around with his single eye, but the area was clear aside from the birds that erupted out of the tree at the sight of a small fire.

"Wasn't that just _hot_?" The voice filled his heart with a cold rush of dread and he glanced up at the tree branch where he had been forcibly removed.

On top of it rested a girl, her long legs dangling over the branch in a tight and restricting kimono. Her white hair rested in many intricate clips that shined with a glamor of gold in the sun. Her eyes were narrowed in a bright flicker of amber, with only hints of specks of that once pink hue.

And in her hands rested his book that he had placed in his pocket.

"Did you miss me?" She turned a page in his book with a cold smirk as she finally stopped his heart flat in his chest when her eyes connected with his from over the book. "Don't worry, darling. I didn't miss you either."

Before the doppelgänger could so much as flip another page, Kakashi's tanto was already drawn. His speed was usually unrivaled, but Anomie always did have quick reflexes or perhaps he'd been growing lazy. Her body fell from the branch and his blade cut into the bark, causing specks to slice off as it cut through the tree completely.

"That was rather rude," Anomie commented, and he tore off his Anbu mask and uncovered his other eye. In moments, he was able to see the insignificant amount of Chakra that rested in her veins. It was flowing out like that of a weak clone. "I thought we could chat."

"Where is the host?" Kakashi ignored her comment without much effort.

"I'm afraid the real Anomie is just too busy to give you the time of day," the clone admitted, shutting the book with one hand. "I could write you up for this, you know. Reading smut while keeping an eye on children."

The clone frowned when she noticed his lips not so much as smirk. She took noticed to the way his fingers tightened around the hilt of the blade and slowly she felt her heart clench.

"Where are you?" Kakashi repeated, raising his tanto so its point was directed straight towards her neck.

"Currently?" Anomie's lips curled in a coy smirk. "How about we play a game of hide and seek. We'll hide, and you search. You can have whatever prize you like if you win."

"I won't play your game."

The clone of Anomie tossed the book towards him so it landed at his feet, "You will for one simple reason." She held up her pointer finger as her lips curled into a smile. "I can make this village rain blood. Don't forget where we are, Kakashi. I have no problem killing a child."

"Anomie," Kakashi voice came out in a venomous hiss that made her heart clench once more. He quickly controlled and repressed the emotion in his voice. "This isn't you."

She only smiled, "I warned you before, remember? You don't really know me."

In a cascade of fire, Anomie's body disappeared.

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_Stupid girl_. The real form of Anomie hovered over Sakura's head from the ceiling in a haze of smoke.

She glanced out the window, waiting for the signal and in a brief flicker of fire that flashed in between the trees, Anomie sighed.

"What's wrong with you, dattebayo?" Naruto asked Sakura. Anomie hated that she could see the betrayal and fear pull into Naruto's baby blue eyes.

_You'll have to get used to rejection eventually kid._

Anomie filtered her body into Sakura's, and the body involuntarily leaned over to cough. _But you don't have to worry about it yet._

It was a tiny cough, but slowly, she felt Sakura's mind go into slumber as Anomie took over.

"Sorry Naruto," Anomie whispered out hoarsely. "I've been getting sick and it's put me in a mood."

Naruto grinned, "That's okay, dattebayo."

Anomie smiled, and in moments, she felt her fire clone disappear and with that, all of its memories filtered into her mind. It took everything she had to keep her smile from slipping off her face as her gaze darted out the window.

At this point, all she wanted was to place the seal on the demon's stupid body and get as far from this nightmare village as possible. Hopefully, she would be able to escape the land of Fire without being forced to walk through a crowd of bodies.

After an hour of being forced in school, Anomie became thankful she never attended as learning about the history of the Shinobi world was beyond boring. She could still feel the blonde child Ino's glare on the side of her face, making her day all the more annoying.

She didn't bother taking notes, finding no point in learning about the first leaders of the village.

_Why should I care about a bunch of dead men?_

"We'll be practicing Taijutsu today, so everyone follow me outside and we'll get started."

At Iruka's voice, Anomie decided that this was hell.

Naruto was practically bouncing on his heels when they all walked outside. Anomie nearly collided with Sasuke Uchiha's back when the boy cut in front of her with his hands in his pockets and girls following at his sides.

"Imma kick Sasuke's ass today, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed, and Anomie watched as Sasuke's lips curled in arrogant amusement.

"Keep dreaming, loser." Sasuke muttered, causing Anomie to raise a brow.

_Only the ignorant think they can be stronger than everyone else forever._

"Okay, starting up, Naruto v.s Kiba," Iruka ordered, and Naruto and Kiba simultaneously groaned.

"Aw, come on sensei, why lump the future Hokage against dog-breath, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed, catching Anomie's attention and giving her a nostalgic reminder of Obito who shared the very same dream.

"Future Hokage? Pfft! Akamaru would have a better shot at being the Hokage than you, loser," Kiba retorted as he lifted the puppy up onto his head.

Naruto growled, cursed a few times, and then lost the fight after a couple minutes.

"Good fight, Naruto," Anomie whispered, glancing at Kiba's forming black eye and scowl in Naruto's direction.

"I was going easy," Naruto muttered with crossed arms.

"Sasuke v.s Sakura," Iruka ordered, and a round of annoying gasps erupted.

_Am I supposed to be intimidated by some seven-year-old Uchiha bitch?_ Anomie was tempted to shove his face into the dirt before she remembered that Sakura was supposed to be 'in love' with the Uchiha prodigy.

_Should I forfeit?_

"Might as well quit now," some kid muttered from the crowd of students. "Girls suck at fighting."

Anomie wanted to scoff as she walked towards the fighting area where Sasuke already stood. He was pouting and staring into the ground as if he was too good to battle 'Sakura'.

Her lips slightly twitched up for a moment before she settled her expression into a sheepish stance that fit a child in love. Her fingers gripped onto the material of her dress as if she were nervous. "Let's do our best, Sasuke-kun."

"Whatever," Sasuke muttered, not even bothering to get into a fighting position.

"Kick his ass, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed.

_Fuck it._

Sasuke rushed forward, his muscles tense. He obviously wasn't taking her seriously, and Anomie easily dodged. It was rather amusing to see him stumble forward in surprise.

He went to attack her again, and Anomie sidestepped, watching with vague amusement as Sasuke's brows furrowed and his fists clenched in annoyance.

He went to attack again, and judging by the way his muscles unlocked and his hands flexed; he was using his full strength. She knew, strength wise, this body didn't have much to offer, but she could see the way his muscles moved before he hit. It was too easy to calculate where he'd strike. His full strength didn't seem to count when he was too clumsy to use it correctly.

She almost immediately noticed that his strength and poise was nothing in comparison to Itachi Uchiha when he had been that age. Anomie blocked it again.

_So much arrogance but nothing to back it up._

She saw his lips curl back in a snarl and he rushed forward again, obviously expecting her to dodge. Instead, Anomie flattened her hand and swiped it upward, knocking his arm to the side. She smacked her other palm lightly against his cheek and slightly winked before she slammed her knee into his stomach.

He curled forward and she noticed his hand reach forward to hit her stomach. She let it collide, and forced her body away so her back slid against the ground whilst Sasuke clutched his stomach, still standing.

"I forfeit!" Anomie hissed, holding her stomach as if his weak attack hurt.

Sasuke glanced at her with narrowed eyes.

Anomie smiled sweetly as she curled her body close to the ground. "I'm so sorry! Are you okay, Sasuke-kun?"

_I believe the only thing hurt is his ego. I rather hate the lot of his clan._

  
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"She's in the village," Sarutobi Hiruzen always counted himself as a composed man who took chaos in a calmly laid out way. Perhaps that was why he had taken a liking to the girl who reacted so similarly to issues as he himself always had.

It was clear to the Third Hokage now that Anomie didn't put much thought into her actions. All she did was follow orders and did not process right from wrong. The Third had even begun to wonder if Anomie even knew the difference from right and wrong.

Kakashi bowed before him, his hands kneeling to the ground as his Anbu mask rested neatly on his face.

"She came to me through the makings of a clone made from fire," Kakashi's voice was emotionless, and the Hokage let out a small sigh.

"What could she want after all these months?" Sarutobi rubbed his temples, still remembering the way her face had looked so broken after he handed her those documents nearly a year ago.

_She had promised to aid the village, and yet she took down nearly twenty-four of its soldiers to let an enemy escape._

"She was baiting me," Kakashi stated simply. "I have never known what she was thinking, and even less so now. However, she is still an enemy working under the Sannin, Orochimaru. She could be after anything."

"Contact the police force to station their men throughout the village," Sarutobi ordered after a long sigh.

"The Uchiha?" Kakashi questioned slowly in surprise.

"If they want to show their loyalty, there's no better time than now," Sarutobi said simply. "No one hates Anomie as much as the Uchiha anyway."

"They still blame her for the deaths?" Kakashi's voice was riddled with a concealed emotion.

"Perhaps giving them tasks will pacify them for a while," the Hokage replied as he filled out a quick note on a scroll with his signature. He rolled it up and handed it to Kakashi's awaiting grasp. "This should be enough information for them. I'll deploy Anbu."

"You're going so far for just one threat," Kakashi stated.

"I am not taking anymore chances on her," Sarutobi said simply, and in moments Kakashi bowed and body flickered away.

It was in mere seconds, the Third Hokage tossed a kunai into the corner of the room. In an instant the cloud of smoke formed into a girl. Her long white hair was loose at her sides and she slowly took a step forward.

"A clone?" Sarutobi's eyes slightly narrowed, taking notice to the tiny amount of her Chakra that barely flooded her bones.

Anomie smiled and nodded, "You're sending an army after little old me?"

"Precautions."

"I get it. I barely trust me either, but I come bearing a little bit of information that I feel you are entitled," she slowly took out a scroll from her bag. It was probably the only thing on her that wasn't made from the Chakra of the actual Anomie.

She tossed it, and it landed smoothly on Sarutobi's desk.

"I still know loyalty, but there is another in this village who does not," she said simply. "There is someone who orchestrated Orochimaru's hand. You know of whom I speak, but you've never had the proof."

"Danzo..." The Third Hokage glanced down at the scroll.

"Orochimaru would never have trusted my loyalties if I stayed my hand," the nonchalance in her tone was strange considering she was talking about the murder of Konoha's ninja. Sarutobi opened his lips to speak, but she continued, "I am not asking your forgiveness. I am not asking for you to understand. Although, you of all people should know that the good of a village is never achieved without blood. That is why I am not asking...I just want to see Shimura Danzo burn."

She smiled and gave a mock bow.

"He likes to take actions without just cause from the shadows...no matter the cost. He doesn't even bloody his own hands...he makes others do it for him."

"Where are your loyalties, Kougin Anomie?" The Hokage had so many other things he wanted to ask, but he had a feeling he only had enough time for one.

"Right now? They're with you. Tomorrow? They're with me."

Sarutobi Hiruzen didn't get a chance to answer before her body disappeared.

  
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_I definitely made an enemy..._

Sasuke's scowl felt potent on Anomie's, or rather Sakura's, back as she packed away her stuff while Naruto continued to practically bounce with joy from next to her. "You kicked Sasuke-teme's ass, dattebayo!" If Naruto was trying to make friends in this classroom, insulting the most popular boy in the class was not a good way to begin. Sasuke's glare alone turned poisonous.

"Naruto, I lost...badly," Anomie said simply, placing her hand on her stomach where Sakura's weak skin was starting to bruise.

Naruto began to chatter about how lame Sasuke was as the two of them walked out of the academy. Anomie barely paid any attention and filtered out his voice whilst smiling as if she was interested in what he had to say.

For the most part, she noticed the surges in Chakra all around. At the same time she felt the clone she sent to the Hokage disappear. In moments, the clone's memories filtered into her mind. It caused Anomie to slightly frown.

_Anbu ninja? Oh Kakashi, you sent a search party after me..._

She noticed it was a small wave of amusement as she glanced towards the setting sun. Naruto jumped in front of her, "I'll be the Hokage and you'll be the assassin. You have to catch me, dattebayo!"

Anomie was unamused, "Naruto, last time I played this game I had to spend an hour and a half trying to get paint out of my hair."

Naruto giggled as he scratched beneath his nose, "A Hokage of my class won't be pulling the same trick twice."

Anomie took special notice to his words. "That doesn't give me very much confidence that you won't prank me in another way."

Naruto pouted and Anomie found herself absorbed into one of the longest staring contests of her life as Naruto somehow managed to make his baby blue eyes even more _blue_.

After a minute she finally sighed with a forced grin, "Alright. I'll play your," _stupid_ , "game."

_I suppose this is the only chance I will have to actually be alone with him._

Naruto's expression brightened and she was slightly annoyed at how optimistic the kid was from just five words.

The moment she agreed, Naruto dashed off, "count to ten!"

_I hate this kid.._ _._

  
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Things went downhill from there, as the moment she found him; he was being ganged up on by eight kids. They were in their early teens from the looks of it, probably newly fledged Genin.

"We told you to stay out of our way Naruto," one kid stated in a hiss.

"Yeah, we don't like seeing your face," came another's venomous hiss.

Anomie's eyes rolled back as she stepped into the alley.

"I can go where ever I want, dattebayo!" Naruto hissed.

This was obviously not the right way to pacify the five kids, as one threw the first punch. It landed square with the seven year old's jaw.

Her brows furrowed in slight surprise at the violence in their eyes.

She glanced around, finding that no Anbu were in sight and the road was empty as one of the kids kicked Naruto square in the stomach.

"You're a disease. You're a waste of space. Everyone hates you."

"Our parents are dead."

"It's your fault."

"You are pathetic, always shouting about being Hokage, as if that would ever happen."

After a moment, she realized that they were one of the many orphans of the village. They probably lived alongside Naruto in the orphanage.

Despite the taunts, Naruto stood back up. "I will become Hokage, dattebayo. And then I am gonna kick your ass!"

Anomie's body left Sakura's and noticed the girl topple over when she left. Sakura erupted in small, tiny coughs as she looked around in confusion before her eyes settled on Anomie's face.

"I know. This all must be so confusing to you," Anomie leaned over and reached her hand over to Sakura's neck. "It will probably never make sense." She squeezed a nerve on the child's neck, causing the girl's eyes to open wide in fear before they closed into a light sleep. She slowly took her old Anbu mask from her bag and placed it on her face, strapping it around her head.

She glanced towards where Naruto was getting beaten down, and in moments, she tore one boy away from the circle of bullies and tossed him to the side.

"You know, I'm thinking to myself, _how could my day get even more horribly eventful,_ " she stated, catching their attention, but her eyes were drawn to Naruto's bruised face and bloody lip.

"Who the hell are you?" asked one of the boys, glancing towards the friend that the woman tossed away as if he were a rubber ball.

Anomie slightly smiled, grabbing him by the shirt and raising him into the air. It was rather fun, watching him struggle to breathe as she rose him above her head. The others backed away as Naruto struggled to his feet.

"Let go," the kid gasped out.

"Squirm more. It's funny," she stated simply. "I'm sure anything I could do to you would feel like a fraction of what blue eyes is feeling right now, but I'll do my best."

She glanced towards Naruto, who was staring at her as if she were an alien.

"But this little punk probably doesn't have an evil bone in his body. I know, it's funny considering that we both know what's sealed in those pretty eyes of his," Anomie tossed the boy to the ground, watching his back slide across the cement. The kids all stared at her in horror. "I'm not gonna say it twice. Leave. Or don't...you'll find that blood doesn't scare me as much as it would scare you."

They didn't need to be told twice as they scampered off the ground and practically sprinted away.

"I didn't need your help lady," Naruto muttered out as Anomie scanned the area for Chakra with a trickle of apprehension.

She wouldn't be able to escape if she was attacked now.

She glanced towards Naruto who was weak on the ground.

"I'll believe that when I see it," she said simply, walking in front of him and squatting down until she was level with his eyes. "You get beat up often, kid?"

He frowned, wincing as he moved. "When I become Hokage, I'll show them!"

"Weaklings don't become Hokage," she said simply, thinking back to the last person she heard say those words. "They die."

He looked ready to cry.

She felt a stab of pity, and she quickly made a couple hand signs before she reached over, focusing her Chakra into her hands and allowing the green glow to flow over her hands. He was frozen as her hands hovered over her face. Slowly, with much difficulty, tiny bruises began to heal. She removed her hands, seeing that the swelling had gone down and the black eye had began to disappear.

"Why do you want to be Hokage?" she asked, and Naruto glanced up in surprise. It was a question she had never asked Obito, and Naruto's determined gaze and hotheaded temper was like a mirror of it.

"The Hokage is the strongest in the village. He protects everyone and he's important. People acknowledge him, dattebayo!"

Anomie rolled her eyes, "People don't acknowledge the Hokage because he's Hokage. He's the Hokage because people acknowledge him."

"I have no idea what you just said, dattebayo."

Anomie felt a smile drift over her lips as a strong feeling of amusement passed over her heart, "no...you wouldn't."

"That green thing you did with your hands...what was that?"

"A Jutsu you don't have the capability of learning."

He growled, standing up with a quick hop. "You just watch! I'll kick your ass someday too!"

"You're an ungrateful little punk," Anomie said, glancing up at him through her bangs as she stood.

"I'll make everyone acknowledge me, dattebayo," Naruto said, slightly wincing as he gripped his stomach. Anomie briefly wondered if his ribs were broken.

"And I guess I'll be waiting without expecting much," Anomie said simply, and it took Naruto a moment to realize he was being insulted, but by the time he glanced up, the white haired girl was gone.

Naruto winced as he stared around, trying to find where the woman had disappeared off to, but he paused when he saw 'Sakura' turn a corner of a building towards him.

"Hey Naruto, what happened to your face?"

"N-Nothing, dattebayo!"

"You're hurt!"

"No I'm not."

Naruto pouted as 'Sakura' rushed to his side, inspecting his face for the wound.

She stared at him incredulously, before she slowly nodded her head. "Alright, but even the Hokage sees a medic sometimes...or at least rests for a while."

Anomie's eyes slightly widened as she noticed the cut on his lip begin to heal. _Ah, there's those demon powers I've heard so much about._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ガーベラデイジー (Gāberadeijī) and in English that would be Gerbera Daisy, which means Friendship, Sadness, Needing, Protection


	26. Kinpōge

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE  
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–•–

**IN THE MIDST OF THE SEARCH FOR A PERSON WHO ALWAYS CHOSE VIOLENCE** as the only solution for any problem, Kakashi was already exhausted. Still, the weather was not terrible for pulling his hair from the roots, so he persisted. 

"Are you having fun?" His voice caused her lips to curl up as she stepped out from the shadows, her clothes in full Anbu gear. Kakashi's eyes scanned down her form through his mask. He could barely see her face through the Anbu cat mask, but he somehow knew her expression likely didn't match her amused tone of voice. "Another clone."

"I'm living the dream right here," she motioned to the village's training building. "Running for my life and sending clones to greet you. It's honestly a waste of time."

"Then why do it?" He asked simply, searching the area for a flicker of Chakra of his fellow Anbu Shinobi.

She chuckled, "I didn't say it was my time I'm wasting. I'm hurt Kakashi. I thought it was going to be a small game of tag, but you involved a village."

"What are you up to?" He asked, ignoring her obvious bait.

"I missed you," came her reply, and even though he knew her statement was false, his heart made a traitorous beat against his chest. If it beat any faster, it would surely break his ribs.

"If you utter one more lie, I will take out your clone," he said instead and watched as her oddly nostalgic (obviously a cold joke) Anbu mask tilted to the side as she stared at him. He barely noticed when she moved closer.

"You are so quick to assume it's a lie. Maybe I've grown a heart," her voice shook with laughter.

"What are you after?"

"Changing the subject? Alright. I'll bite," she tapped her mask. "Why don't you guess? If you guess right, I'll turn myself in...I do hope they'll be kind to me when I'm apprehended." Her joking tone was something he wasn't used to seeing from her.

"I'm not going to play any games, Anomie." Her name still tasted sweet on his tongue and he noticed she paused from advancing towards him.

"Then I guess we're at a crossroads, because you and I both know that this is meant to be a distraction. Why are you falling for it?" She was in front of him before he had time to process it. "You're too smart for that, Kakashi. Why are you indulging me?"

"Why are you here?"

"I already told you: I miss you. It's not my fault you don't believe me." She laughed, taking a step back. "Maybe I love you. Maybe I've come back to apologize and beg you take me back. Maybe this village will pardon me and we'll live happily ever after."

"Is that a joke? It's not funny," came his deadpan retort. He noticed her shoulders were shaking with laughter as she turned her back to him. "You think I don't realize you're trying to distract me?"

She turned her back towards him, and he was thankful he couldn't see her face. "You know, a part of me wants you to figure it out. How about it...? Would you like a hint?"

"When I find you," he said slowly, and she when she glanced over her shoulder she was able to see the Sharingan hue of his eye. "I will kill you..."

She went silent, and just before her body went up in flames she let out a single murmur, "If...If you find me. Not when. And you will try to kill me. That doesn't mean you will."

Kakashi felt his composure break when she left, and his knees hit against the ground in so fast a motion that his Anbu mask slipped off his face and rolled across the grass. His fingers clenched into his palms as they squeezed the grass into his palms.

It didn't seem to matter how brittle their bond was because every time he mistakenly believed it to have broken, it coils around his neck once more.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"You're back," came Minami's voice when Anomie appeared in front of the woman tokatsu table. Looking at the heated futon was a reminder that winter was on the horizon.

"And I'm tired too," Anomie dropped to her knees, scooting her legs underneath the warm futon as she rested her head against the wooden table. Her eyes scanned the tan wall over and over as they began to droop in exhaustion.

The musing of Minami's teacup moving to her full and red lips was her only solace. She heard the sound of a quiet swallow before the sound of tea being poured caught her attention. She glanced up, watching the green tea flood through the porcelain cup.

"This is the most vulnerable I've ever seen you," Minami stated with a tiny smirk. "Do you want to talk and hold my hand?"

Anomie's lips curled into a smile, the coldness in her heart brushed off the mocking tone of Minami's voice as she slowly lifted the teacup to her lips as if it were poison.

"I will be holding the hand of a corpse if you don't shut up."

"Is that any way to speak to the woman who took you in?" She asked in return, and at the frown on Anomie's lips she stood. "You are extra moody today."

"You're extra bitchy today," Anomie replied simply, taking a sip of the tea, relishing in the burn on her tongue.

Before Anomie could so much as blink, Minami was in front of her, kneeling down so her knees were pressed against Anomie's thigh. "You have deprived yourself. I know how to better your mood."

Anomie raised a brow past her bangs, slowly placing her cup on the wooden table. "You wouldn't know how to better a mood to save your life."

"You'll find I can be very persuasive," at the lull in Minami's voice, Anomie glanced towards her in a nearly coy bat of her lashes.

"You'll find that I don't get persuaded by the likes of what you offer," Anomie retorted simply and the chill in her voice made Minami let out a childish giggle.

"The sadness in your eyes is so tragically delicious. I could drink it like tea," Minami's fingers grazed against Anomie's pale cheek.

The girl's white hair trailed in between Minami's fingers as she traced her jaw. For a moment Anomie leaned into the woman's palm before the yellow and pink hue of her eyes connected with Minami's brown ones.

"Why not? You can't tell me that it hasn't crossed your mind," Minami's lips curved once more and Anomie glanced crossly at her lips.

"Those thoughts rarely cross."

"Sexuality isn't a sin. It's not a chore. It's a necessity and it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I am not ashamed."

Minami's fingers dropped, her lips still curved but her eyes were hallowing of everything kind. "How long have you been trying to convince yourself?"

Anomie's eyes narrowed and just as the woman was about to stand, she gripped the woman her robes, just over her breasts. It didn't take much strength to bring Minami's lips down to meet hers.

She immediately noticed that the woman's lips were soft and she smelled like lavender. Her hair was smooth and it curled between Anomie's fingertips when she brought the woman closer to her lips. Her hands were tangled in her hair, pulling her until it was only the decorations of robes that kept them apart.

The kiss wasn't timid or nervous. It wasn't filled with a fiery passion that made Anomie ache with the desire to crush the woman in her arms. It didn't cause Anomie to lose her breath or for her heart to beat in drums against her ribcages.

To put it simply, Minami's kiss didn't fill even half of Anomie's heart as Kakashi's lips had once done. Minami's hands felt hallow and didn't feel even half as warm as Rin's embrace.

And yet, Anomie couldn't say she felt nothing. The desire was still apparent from the softness in Minami's lips and Minami's skin.

More than anything, the embrace made her forget the hurt in Kakashi's eyes.

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"I believe she's toying with me," Kakashi reported, but slowly his eyes rose to meet the Hokage's gaze. "But she's gotten lazy...arrogant. Soon enough she will start making mistakes."

Sarutobi Hiruzen rubbed his temples, his eyes scanned over Kakashi, before they moved over to Itachi and lastly to the third Anbu in the room.

"She's making a joke of this village's defenses," Itachi stated simply. "It is probably her intention to frustrate you."

"That's because the defenses are a joke," the third Anbu ninja, Anko Mitarashi, said with a scoff. "Think of how easily she got in and if she got in this easily, how safe is Konoha from Orochimaru?"

"We can stop intruders from entering from land, but how are we supposed to block those from the air?" Sarutobi mused, and Itachi shook his head.

"We should focus on one problem at a time. We have nearly forty-two teams out searching for her, and she hasn't been found. From Kakashi's report, we can at deduce that she's at least still in the village." Itachi's voice came out in a swift lull. "I have worked with her in the past...she does have a single ability that would make staying hidden with swift ease."

"Body possession?" Kakashi asked, and Anko scoffed.

"That's even worse. She could be possessing anyone," Anko retorted. "I, more than many, want to find her and ask about Orochimaru, but if she could be anyone then where do we even start?"

"She wouldn't be just anyone..." Sarutobi replied, and finally glanced at Kakashi who had froze in recollection of Anomie's first appearance.

"I think I know where she is..."

Kakashi more than anyone didn't want to believe that she'd sink so low, but he knew her well enough to remember that there was nothing further south in the hellish bog in which she drowns.

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"Sakura-chan!" Naruto's voice was an irritating lull in Anomie's ears as she dragged him by the hand. She was careful to feel for any outside Chakras, but it appeared that her bait of the Hokage and her bait of Kakashi had in fact worked. "Where are you taking me, dattebayo?"

_Why is it that so many people put their trust that I am not beyond good deeds?_

Anomie nearly wanted to scoff. "My secret hideout, Naruto-kun!" She shouted from behind her with a very Sakura-like giggle. "I only take the best of my friends there...to be honest Naruto-kun." She glanced back towards him, able to see the sparkle of hope in his baby blue eyes. _How long will that be there?_ "You're the only one I would ever consider taking there."

His cheeks inflamed in red and Anomie rolled her eyes when she went back to looking out in front of her. She already knew that she'd have to get the little demon off the open roads before the village-enforced curfew came upon dusk. Many kids would get away with being missing, but she knew the fox demon's absence would be discovered fast.

By the time she arrived at the clearing of trees near the gates surrounding the Forest of Death she paused. He stared at the signs posted with the skull markings and the many signs that read 'do not enter', littering the clearing.

"T-This is your spot..." Naruto's voice shook slightly as he forced down a timid gulp at the sound of an animal's roar.

"It's our spot Naruto-kun," Anomie said with a grin, briefly wondering if she was coming off as creepy. She nearly rolled her eyes, deciding it didn't matter. "Do you like it? No one ever comes here because it's called the Forest of Death. Doesn't exactly attract visitors."

"How did you hear about it, dattebayo?"

"Easy," she replied simply with a happy smile that slowly disappeared. "I helped built it." One of the many Anbu B ranked missions and the most annoying of them all.

She didn't give him a chance to respond as smoke flooded from Sakura's lips. The girl clutched her throat as Anomie suffocated her on the way out.

"S-Sakura-chan..." Naruto took a slight step back.

By the time Anomie was standing upright, her arms were already crossed and her hair remained up in many decorative hairpins. She glanced towards Naruto with a simply smile.

"W-Who are you, dattebayo?" Naruto shouted, obviously trying to feign bravery as he glanced towards Sakura who fell to her knees as her eyes rolled back. "What did you do to Sakura-chan?"

Anomie was surprised that he didn't recognize her, but last time she had worn a mask, and his IQ was obviously lacking. Anomie couldn't quite judge, as high levels of pure intelligence had never been her area of expertise as well.

"Does it really matter?" Anomie took a step forward, raising her hand as her Chakra flooded into her fingertips.

"She's my friend, dattebayo!"

"No..." Anomie chuckled. "She really isn't. You don't have any friends, Naruto."

His eyes watered, but she was in too deep for pity. "What do you know old lady?" His shout was like that of a temperamental child and Anomie took another advancing step.

"A lot more than you, Naruto-kun," the words came out mocking.

"What's that light coming from your hands?"

"Just a little sugar and spice and nothing nice," she retorted, and raised her hand to his stomach before he could move. The burst of Chakra flooded into her wrist, but just when she was about to turn her wrist to finish the seal, a new Chakra erupted to the right in the distance of trees.

She let out a hiss of pain, flooding back into Sakura's body and leaving a very confused Naruto in her place. 'Sakura' coughed as she tried to stand.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, and Anomie glanced up.

"W-What happened?"

"A mean chick showed up, but I think I beat her, dattebayo!"

She didn't get a moment to process the obvious lie as by the time she glanced up, she saw Kakashi jump down from the trees in front of her.

"So this is the game you're playing?"

"Who are you, dattebayo?" Naruto asked in confusion. "Are you a ninja? I already took out the bad guy." Naruto's innocent grin made Anomie want to roll her eyes.

Instead, she filtered her face with confusion.

"That was sloppy, Anomie." Kakashi directed his comment towards her, and she tilted her head to the side.

"What's an Anomie?" Naruto asked.

'Sakura' hid behind Naruto as if she were shy. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Cut the act," Kakashi stated and Anomie's expression turned scared before it slowly morphed into indifference.

"You are so annoying," she hissed, and in moments, the smoke protruded from Sakura's form and Sakura fell to the ground. "You don't look too surprised."

"Nothing you do surprises me anymore," Kakashi said with a simple shrug as he glanced between the girl and the nine tailed fox. He noticed that, like always, Anomie's face was blank.

"You're back..." Naruto's brows furrowed.

Anomie didn't look away from Kakashi and she found that the coldness in his voice stung like a sharp jab of ice in her heart. Her jaw locked and she gave a glance towards the nine tailed fox, tempted to flash step and slit the demons throat just to make a point.

Guilt.

She locked her feet into the ground, glancing back towards Kakashi's unreadable gaze and staring at the way his fingers were twitching at his side. Her lips slightly pulled up.

"You are going to kill me?" Anomie asked, step over Sakura's passed out body. "You think you can?" She took another step. "I've surprised you in the past without trying. Imagine if I put some effort in it."

Before she could move, his legs sprung into action, his tanto slashed through her form and her body disappeared in a cloud of smoke before reappearing behind him with her back facing him. She made a tisking sound as she turned towards him.

"You've learned a new trick," he commented, noticing she was fully clothed.

"I can't exactly go around flashing children. Careful Kakashi, I am starting to think you are attempting to see me naked," Anomie winked with a smile that felt heavy on her face.

Naruto stepped forward like the brave boy he was, "What did you do to Sakura-chan!"

Kakashi stepped in front of the boy before he could get too close, and Anomie felt a tiny flash of pain at the cold stare he was giving her.

"Protecting a child?" She asked with a simple shrug. "It won't matter. You of all people should know I have no problem killing children."

"I'm stronger than you, Anomie," he said simply and her name tasted sweet on his tongue.

She glanced at Naruto, her yellowish pink eyes narrowing, "You never knew Sakura, boy. She will wake up and she won't remember a single moment with you."

"OLD LADY!" Naruto exclaimed, and Anomie's eye twitched. "I don't understand a word you are saying, but I'm gonna kick your ass for hurting Sakura-chan, dattebayo."

"Kids...you try to help them," Anomie hissed, and she lunged forward, her body turning to smoke. She didn't get a chance to strike as Kakashi grabbed onto Naruto's small body, leaving behind only a crack in the earth by the time Anomie turned corporeal with her katana drawn.

"You have no chance of winning, Anomie," Kakashi warned. "You're not strong enough."

"Let me go! I can take her on, dattebayo," Naruto exclaimed, but Kakashi's strong arms didn't budge and the man's Anbu mask stayed in place.

"You prodigies think you're so special," Anomie took a step forward, dragging her blade behind her as she walked forward. "You think you're so strong. There will always be someone stronger with that kind of arrogance. You prodigies are lazy. You think no one will surpass you because you've had your ass kissed since the moment you threw your first kunai."

Anomie stopped walking, lifting her katana over her shoulder. "You slack on training because you already think you're the best." She pointed her blade, point first at him. "I don't. I barely sleep and eat to get stronger. Let's see what wins: raw talent or hard work."

Naruto went silent, staring at the woman and feeling an odd sense of familiarity. It was almost as if he's talked to her before.

"I'm not going to fight you, Anomie," Kakashi said simply, taking a step back.

"You're afraid the boy's gonna get hurt?" Anomie's lips curled into a smile. Everything didn't feel genuine and her heart was begging her lips to stop moving. "Probably, but I'm not after his life."

"What are you after then?" Kakashi asked slowly, and she grinned.

"I was right. You did get lazy," Anomie commented, and Kakashi's eyes widened when Naruto's body turned into a cloud of smoke in his arms.

By the time he looked back at her, she was already gone and he heard Naruto's exclaim of "Let go, dattebayo," in the distance.

_If it wasn't Naruto's life you're after, then what do you want Anomie?_

But Kakashi doubted that someone as jaded as her could answer such a simple question.


	27. Kuroyuri

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX  
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**IF THE NIGHT GOT ANY LONGER, SHE WAS CERTAIN SHE WOULD KILL SOMEBODY** just to make sure the worst things she may do would have to top that singular act. Unfortunately, the person she wanted to kill was currently surrounded head to toe with ROOT body guards and the person in her grasp was not exactly on anyone's hit list.

"Let go of me you old bat!" Naruto's hiss made Anomie roll her eyes in a swift and mocking response.

"Being a pest never gets anyone anywhere. I would tell you I'm not going to hurt you, but let's be honest, would you believe that. No. A person as ambitious as you will find this a hard pill to swallow."

"Stay away, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed and Anomie shook her head with a chuckle.

"Don't be such a baby. Even if you scream, no one will care and no one will even hear you. This isn't happening in the pages of some children's book. This is real life and in real life, it doesn't matter if you scream or cry...no one will help you." Anomie took a threatening step forward, Chakra exploding from her fingertips and for a moment she felt a spike of a maleficent chakra erupt out from Naruto's chest.

That demon blood in his veins could prove to be an issue if she wasn't fast, but it's better to see if the marking could suppress a demon's Chakra.

And if Anomie had to test it with her life, she would.

"Hey lady...something's wrong." Naruto's eyes rested on his hands that now emitted red Chakra that had began to surround his body in Chakra. Someone was bound to feel it if she didn't hurry, but more than that, she doubted that Naruto's immature body could handle the strain.

If this went on any longer than she was certain his body would fail him...and yet again it would be her fault.

But Orochimaru's order was embedded in her heart, as if it were stitched in her blood vessels. She was afraid that if she disobeyed, the stitching would rip apart and she'd have nothing left to hold herself together.

"You want to be Hokage..." Anomie took a step forward. His beady blue eyes stared into her and she felt them as if they were wedged in her throat.

"I will become Hokage...and my first act will be kicking your ass!" He exclaimed and she felt her heart grow lighter as her Chakra erupted from her fingertips.

"Hokages have the tendency to die. And no one will ever acknowledge a demon like you as their leader," she was in front of him in an instant, and her fingertips hovered over his stomach.

"Demon...?" His reply was so vulnerable that she wondered if he was strong enough for the truth, especially considering everyone had been lying to him his whole life.

"You have a demon sealed inside you. That's why people hate you."

"Is that why you hate me?"

She lifted his shirt and slammed her fingers into his stomach. The seal was complex and she waved her Chakra into his gut.

"No Naruto...I don't hate you...I couldn't hate you if I tried," she whispered it just as he let out a banshee scream. His eyes rolled back and she briefly wondered if she was killing him.

She decided that it didn't matter, but her heart remembered the way his blue eyes lit with joy as he giggled or ate ramen. She remembered the hope in his eyes when he thought he was no longer alone.

She briefly wondered if perhaps what she did to him was worse than kill him. She was taking away his hopeless dream.

She felt the nine tailed fox's chakra slowly creep back into his body.

She didn't even have it in her to muster an apology to an innocent boy who had never hurt anyone.

"I'm starting to think the true demon is me."

She stared down at her hands, finding that her Chakra was low. She had barely enough left to dematerialize.

She stood up, leaving Naruto's body on the ground as she jumped into the trees and turned into smoke.

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Kakashi found the boy, smiling in his sleep and muttering about ramen. Itachi and Tenzo were stationed at his side and Kakashi let out a small sigh.

Itachi's eyes were spiraled with the Sharingan and his lips were pulled into a frown.

"He looks unharmed..." Itachi stated.

Tenzo frowned, "perhaps she was unable to hurt him... He is only a child."

"Sakura Haruno was barely breathing when we found her." Kakashi said with a blank expression. He was exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to shut off the world. "If she intended Naruto to die, no one could stop it and he would be dead."

Itachi let out a sigh, "in any case, the boy is safe and it would be best to get him checked out. Koneko is long gone and teams are searching the village for her. I'll take care of this, captain."

Kakashi didn't have it in him to argue as he did a quick hand sign and disappeared in a quick teleportation Jutsu.

In minutes he stood in front of a cemetery. He walked closer to the entrance and saw in the distance a girl with white hair kneeling down next to a grave.

He barely realized it was her until she slightly turned her head. Her eyes had never looked more yellow than in that moment of the sunlight, flickering against her face as the sun began to rise over the mountains.

He was in front of her before he realized that his feet had begun to move.

For once, the facade he had seen her appear in disguise prior was in crumbles to the ground. Behind her rested Rin's grave and Anomie eyes were blank and her lips rested in a frown.

"Somehow...I knew you would be here." She whispered and she felt her words wedge in her throat. A part of her wanted him to end her life for her crimes. She wanted him to make do on his threats and put her wicked thoughts to rest with the twitch of his tanto.

But instead all she got was the emptiness of his eye and she found that emptiness hurt even more than rage. She would rather he cursed her name rather than not feel anything.

"Kill me," she whispered and he didn't so much as twitch. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You don't know what I want."

She let out a small smile. "I won't stop hurting you. I won't stop killing. I won't stop...kill me."

Her stare was cold, but his matched her eyes and she once more saw the way his fingers twitched at his side.

"I can't."

"It's your duty. What kind of Shinobi are you?"

"You will walk out of this village. You will go back to Orochimaru's side. You will kill attack and betray this village over and over again. Regardless, I still couldn't kill you. I tell myself over and over again that you are venom...regardless, I can't get rid of you."

"What kind of answer is that?" Anomie felt exasperated and the very essence of his words were embedded in her bloodstream. "You shouldn't have any of those feelings left. If I am poison then killing me should be the answer. Just hate me."

"I can't," he answered.

"I will walk out of these gates. I will kill those in my way and if I do then those deaths is on your head and it's on your hands."

"Then leave. As long as none of the blood is yours then so be it."

Anomie's brows furrowed and in a moment the ice over her irises melted. She thought back to brighter days in a village creeping with pure feelings of nothing. She remembered the way his eye would twinkle in the early morning as she crept into his apartment without word. "I remember now...why I...missed you." They weren't the words he wanted to hear but they destroyed his insides all the same with the thunderous tremor in his chest.

In mere moments, he grabbed her by the back of the neck and brought her body into his chest. She felt so small in his arms and everything was warm. It almost felt like she had trudged through the snow and rain and his arms were the warm crackling fire that wrapped her body in a shield.

He still smelled like vanilla and lavender and paper and ink. He still wrapped his arms tightly around her back. His arms still felt tight and secure, and for a minute she felt the world slip away.

She wasn't a murderer. She wasn't a whore. She wasn't a thief. She wasn't a horrid woman, jaded and cold. She wasn't Fuyu or Kyoko or Kiyomi or Anomie.

She wasn't anyone.

She was just a girl. And it was warm and it took her away from the guilt and the fear and the uncertainty. But nothing stood still forever and just when she thought she could stay there forever, she remembered why she left.

She remembered that he was dangerous and she was too close to falling in love with him. She remembered that her time was limited and she remembered that she was the only one who could stop Danzo and Orochimaru from tearing this village apart from the seams.

More than that, she remembered that she didn't have anything to offer him.

She remembered that her heart was too sharp and broken, with prices chipped and shattered in her chest. She remembered that if he tried to get too close to her heart, all that she could give him was pain.

She remembered that she was dying. She remembered that secret document, more than anything, written in Orochimaru's hand. She remembered that her Chakra was replenishing slower every day. She remembered that soon enough, much like her clan, she too would lose control and her body would scatter like dust in the wind. She would be ripped apart in a current of air.

Yes. She had nothing else to give him but heartache and pain.

The only choice was to make him hate her.

It was better if he hated her.

And she ripped away from him in an instant, her body turning to smoke. He had no time to process the moment she appeared behind him.

"You are a fool," she whispered, and in moments, she ripped her hand, turning it into smoke and reassembling it so her palm shredded through his side.

She could feel every part of her body crying out for her to stop using the same Jutsu that was slowly killing her, but that was good.

She wanted everything to hurt.

Kakashi collapsed in front of her. And she walked around until they were face to face.

"I could never love you, Kakashi. Not until the oceans dry up and the mountains crumble to dust. I have nothing to give you and seeing you in pain doesn't make me feel anything." Her voice didn't shake and as if a switch was flicked off, she felt nothing.

"I'm starting to think you are the fool, Anomie..." he whispered as he held his side to stop the blood from gushing from the wound. But Anomie could see the hurt pool in his eyes. "I never wanted you to give me anything. I said as much many times before. I, more than anyone, already know that the person you are and the person you are trying to be are different. This still isn't you."

She didn't feel anything or maybe she just felt too much at once. "Haven't we been here before?" She knelt down and rested his cheeks in between her palms. "You don't know a thing about me and if you did, you wouldn't be looking at me like that."

"If this tiny wound is your way of making me hate you, then you're going to have to do better than that. My dogs have made me bleed more."

She found her heart giving out in a traitorous tremor. "I see...the only way for you to realize the truth...how about I kill all the people you love. Would that make you hate me?"

"Then you would have to kill yourself because all those people are already dead."

The guilt festered like a disease in her bloodstream.

"Then I'll wait. Eventually, all of us have to open our hearts to someone."

"That applies to you as well."

She leaned in until her lips rested against his ear. "I will save that spot for Orochimaru."

She felt every part of her body burn when she turned into smoke and disappeared from his sight as if she had never existed.

Kakashi glanced down, noticing that her fingers had barely broke the surface of his skin, and yet his body was beginning to numb.

"Poison..." he mumbled as he kneeled forward as the poison numbed his insides.

She was poison, but she was poisonous like a siren...

Even if you knew that her voice would lead you through the shore and into the rocks to your death, you fall for it anyway.

But Kakashi wasn't an idiot.

He hated her with just as much passion as he loved her.

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Anomie stared at the village in the distance and felt her heart swell up with uncertainty. Her skin was burning against her bones and for once, she felt like a part of her was lost in her latest eruption of smoke.

She stared down at her hands, finding that her Chakra was indeed depleted, but more than that, she found that for a couple moments, she was unable to feel the Chakra in her arms.

Perhaps it was a fitting punishment for all the pain she has caused. It was too late for regrets, but it was never too late for pain.

She turned her back to the village, her shoulders tense with the emotions crashing against her heart.

"I just need a little more time." She whispered, forcing her Chakra to replenish faster.

She was still unable to kill Orochimaru, but nothing would stop her from slitting Shimura Danzo's throat, ear to ear.

After all, Anomie needed someone to hate, and he was as good as anyone.

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"What are you doing?" The Third Hokage's voice was stricken in surprise, but Kakashi merely tossed his Anbu mask on the man's desk.

"It's rather simple. I quit," he said simply and the Hokage's eyes slightly widened before the narrowed in understanding.

"May I ask why?"

Kakashi blinked, his visible eye avoiding the mask as he stared into the Hokage's wrinkled face and hooded eyes. "I'm done cleaning the messes of this village...Anbu is not what it once was to me."

"Are you tired of cleaning the village's messes or have you grown exhausted under the weight of your own?" The Hokage's voice struck a cord of irritation in Kakashi chest, but the man merely let out a nonchalant shrug.

"Anbu will do fine without me...I'd go as far as to say under Uchiha Itachi, it might even do better," Kakashi shook his head, resisting the urge to run his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

"Perhaps...the young Uchiha is quite the able leader," the Hokage stated simply and Kakashi felt the urge to look away from the intensity of the Third Hokage's stare. "But could the reason be more than what you've revealed?"

"I let her escape. I am supposed to be captain of the Anbu forces and I let a known criminal and know murderer of 24 Anbu Nin...escape." He answered simply. "How could I lead an organization if I myself am unable to keep it's laws."

"I agree...but to say you quit being a ninja is not something I can allow."

Kakashi wanted to bring up that it wasn't his choice, but bit his tongue and silenced the response. "Then what else is there?"

"You could give the standard forces a try," the Third Hokage, somewhere in his heart, knew that those with kind hearts couldn't be expected to fulfill the duties of Anbu. Kind hearts weren't made for inflicting so much death in the name of protecting a village.

"To become a Jounin?" Kakashi shook his head, and he wanted to protest, but judging by the final tone in the Hokage's voice, he knew it was futile.

"You have served Anbu faithfully for more than five years...and I believe that your talents are many. For now, let's have you assigned to a different kind of captain."

Kakashi's eye widened. "You couldn't mean."

"You better get used to people calling you 'Kakashi-sensei' then," the Third Hokage covered his smile by folding his hands over his lips.

"Lord Hokage-" Once more, Kakashi looked ready to protest, but the Hokage merely raised his palm up to silence him.

"Enjoy your new title..." _and surely it might heal the burdens in your heart._

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"The seal worked well enough," Anomie glanced towards Orochimaru, tracing her fingers over the table as her hand made markings against the dust. "It suppressed the demon kid's Chakra, and likely they will not figure out how to remove it for a long while."

"Even if they do figure it out," Orochimaru commented simply. "It wouldn't really matter. I just wanted a test subject and Naruto-kun was a wonderful specimen."

"Wonderfully irritating," Anomie commented in return, adjusting her eyes to the darkness in the room as Orochimaru glanced through the same scroll that she had brought to him weeks prior. "But it's done...probably the only one who can remove it is Jiraiya and we all know that he's preoccupied trying to find you."

Orochimaru glanced up from the documents, his eyes slightly narrowing in amusement. "Yes, he has been quite the nuisance lately, hasn't he?"

"He's your friend, not mine," she stated simply, standing up and grabbing the loose locks of hair around her shoulders and tying it into a tight braid. "But regardless, Jiraiya is all talk. He's probably beating it to innocent girls in a bath houses."

"Vulgarity is beneath you," Orochimaru retorted and Anomie chuckled and shook her head.

"Perhaps you're right, but you have found the refuge then?"

"I figured that out days ago, the Uzumaki clan is fascinating, but immorality comes first and I do believe I have found the answer."

"You're very ambitious. Just one life is hard enough for me," Anomie glanced over at him through hooded bangs. "And you want hundreds."

He chuckled, "When you have as many enemies as I, you would understand."

She slightly smiled, "I'm getting there."

"That you are," Orochimaru tossed a small book her way and Anomie instinctually caught it mid air.

"Is this the Bingo book?" Anomie slightly smiled. "Have I made a new headline? I do hope my picture is in it this time." She opened the book and found her Anbu profile photo set as her bounty image. "I do look rather dashing, do you not think so?"

"You should see mine," Orochimaru chuckled as she read over her description written underneath her photo.

"It is rather short," Anomie stated as she sat on the table with a wry grin. "I would have thought my achievements were at least two paragraphs. Not very detailed. Who wrote this garbage?" She glanced at the sigil. "Of course. Kirigakure isn't much known for its vital information."

Orochimaru let out chuckle. "I didn't hand this to you to hear you brag about achievements."

"What other use is it then?"

"Turn to page 394." He instructed and she shrugged, flipping the pages until it rested on the linings of a rather buff man with black hair. "He is known as Yamamoto the Lightning Spear."

"That's a rather tacky name. Do you think he came up with it himself?"

Orochimaru didn't so much as chuckle, "I want you to find him. According to the now diseased clan that you wiped out, he was the protector of the Uzumaki refuge. Kill him and bring me back an Uzumaki. I want one dead or alive. They don't even have to be all there."

"I could just bring you back a head then?"

"Whatever is easier for you, but I would like some breath still in one."

"There is something you aren't telling me?"

"Konoha might have a couple spies in my organization. I would hope there is no complications, but as you are now, a couple of Jounin for Konoha shouldn't be an issue. Just in case, take Kimimaro with you."

"Me and him against the world, Orochimaru." Anomie slightly smile, jumping from the table and landing to her feet. She noticed him open his lips to speak but instead he only grabbed her by the hand and forced her to face him.

"Your Chakra has weakened from the last time I saw you, surely you've noticed," he commented and she slightly felt her heart stop.

"It has become a little unstable," she said a small pause of hesitation.

"That it has, but when you return, I hope to bring you back a gift in the makings of a mark." His fingers brushed against her neck and she felt a trickle of his skin against hers in a pleasant brush. "Surely it would bring out the last of your power...if you are desperate enough to take it."

"You are capable of such a curse?"

"I found a new subject while you were away. His powers prove to be unstable, but I hope to test its full effect on you."

"I am yours," she said with a smile. "To do with what you will. I am yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> クロユリKuroyuri. Fritillaria camschatcensis. Chocolate lily. Means love, curse.


	28. Tsubaki

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN  
____________  
–•–

**WHEN A PERSON WAS SLEEPING, SOMETIMES IT WAS SO EASY TO MISTAKE THEM** for dead when they rest unmoving and still. Sakura didn't wake up for days...nights and nights. The nights were the worst. The nights were the times when her mother would weep herself to sleep and wait for the morning in fear that Sakura wouldn't make it that long. Her mother, Mebuki, always stood against the life of a ninja, but she had learned long ago that standing in the way of a child's dream was wrong.

But now, as the moon raised heavy in the night sky, Mebuki only wished she had protested. She wished she had screamed in rebellion against the broken ninja system. She wished to protect her daughter and keep her safe against the path that broke many children in the war that butchered Mebuki's brothers.

It was that very same war that led her husband into an early grave at the hands of a demon that ransacked the east side of the village.

And to hear that her daughter had been hanging around with that _monster_ nearly broke Mebuki's heart, but to hear that news only after it was too late had nearly caused the woman to follow her husband into the ground.

"You are only a child..." Sakura's mother wept, holding onto her daughter's hand as if it were the only thing keeping the woman grounded. "But I promise I will do better...I would rather burn this village to the ground than let it drag you into its battles."

Mebuki, of course, would forever curse Kougin Anomie's name into the depths of hell and back again.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Sakura Haruno thought the worst moments of her life would rest upon Sasuke never noticing her, or when Ino called her billboard head in front of the entire class. She thought the devastation and horror could never get any worse than that sort of betrayal.

But hearing from her own mother, who she always believed deep down that she supported her, to hear from that same woman that she had no business continuing to practice the ninja arts nearly broke her in half. The tears rolled down her cheeks in a silent disbelief.

"It's dangerous...I almost lost you. I cannot handle you in this life." Mebuki Haruno's heart broke with the look of pure devastation on her daughter's face, but she could not relent.

It was all right if she lived in hatred and resentment of her mother, as long as she at least lived.

But Sakura Haruno did not feel hatred, only the extreme moment of confusion that overtook her heart.

And then, in that deathly silence, she remembered the look in that woman's eyes right before she had overtaken Sakura's body.

_"You will likely never understand."_

Sakura felt the tears flow like acid from her eyes.

It was true. She did not understand.

But she knew that she'd forever curse that woman's face until the day she dies.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Kimimaru," Anomie's voice was in a calm lull that caused the man to come to an abrupt halt as he began to turn a corner of the intricate hallways ahead of her. She batted her lashes with a swift smile as she felt her heels echo against the ground.

"Ah, so you are back." Kimimaro glanced over towards with a blank expression that nearly caused her lips to open and part without a word to say. "Did you enjoy reminiscing with your old friends?"

"I have no old friends." There was much Anomie could have said, but she settled on the simple response without much reprieve as she lifted her white hair and rolled it into a bun so it would part from being a distraction for the newly assigned mission. "And if I recall, you are a rather lonesome sort as well, correct?"

"Why must you always turn my attempts at conversing into an insult or a jab?" he asked with a simple frown as his thin white brow lifted up at the condescending tone that the former courtesan used.

"I thought it was obvious," Anomie replied as she finished tying her hair into intricate loops. "I don't like you."

"If I recall, you don't like anyone."

"Very true," she finally agreed.

"I'm already packed for this mission. Are you sure you are ready for it so soon after getting back?"

"One more day of rest won't do me any good," she said simply, slowly noticing that the bags under his eyes had once more darkened in contrast to the last time she has seen him. She briefly felt a flicker of curiosity before it was drowned out in indifference.

Kimimaro wasn't a child she despised. After all, it was hard to hate a kid who was too young to have caused her any grief. She just didn't like the future she saw him living under the never ending and dominating thumb of Orochimaru.

She didn't like that look of pure and unconfined loyalty struck itself so closely to his heart. It was like looking into mirror. She wanted to smash and crumble that reflection to dust.

And she didn't like that he had taken such a shine to her. She didn't like when an 11 year old would nip at her heels and examine every move she made as if he had never seen a person fight before.

More than any of that, she didn't like that at age 11, this kid was able to master Jutsu that even she had difficulty comprehending.

"Maybe not, but I can wait a day to begin if you feel like resting." Kimimaro said with a shrug as she scoffed and adjusted her bag that was strapped over her shoulder.

"You mock me quite exquisitely," Anomie replied instead as she rolled her eyes in a quick motion and deciding against taking him up on his condescending offer.

"Well, it's either I go on this mission with you or I go with Nichiyaki."

Anomie did understand the hesitation that Kimimaro had when it came to traveling and fighting along side a medic ninja such as Nichiyaki. The young boy always enjoyed fighting along someone who knew how to properly mold their Chakra in combat.

Overall, there was simply no point in fighting alongside someone who couldn't teach Kimimaro anything new. Neither one of them had an interest in the medical world anyway.

But she didn't need to tell Kimimaro that she too believed medical Ninjutsu was a useless party trick. Instead, she merely scoffed, "I think you could use a bit more variation in your Jutsu. Maybe eventually, you'll be able to actually be able to heal the enlarged hole when the stick comes out of your ass."

"That was rather rude. It looks like you've developed a mood. Were there complications in Konoha?" Kimimaro tilted his head to the side, and she found that his question nearly struck a nerve, but she instead let out a slight sigh.

"Some things didn't go as smoothly as I planned," she admitted, glancing down and finding he was staring straight into her eyes.

"But you came out unharmed..." he replied, and she shook her head. "You usually do."

"I suppose that is true, but there are different ways to be harmed without the need for blood," Anomie slowly admitted as she turned on her heel to leave. Kimimaro followed at her side, and she didn't look back to see if he had understood the monotone of her words.

More than anything, she was about ready to feel the open wind on her cheeks as she fled through the trees. She didn't much care who followed on her heels just as long as they didn't get her killed.

For a moment, she felt an odd sense of guilt before she tossed it behind her and squeezed her eyes shut. It took a moment longer to forget the look in Kakashi's eyes when her palm had torn through his side. It took even longer to get up the desire to open her eyes.

It was a dangerous moment where she allowed herself to think that perhaps it would be easier for everyone if she just died.

_But that is a weak thought that my heart won't let me forget._

But Anomie's heart wasn't her master and she continued to walk forward.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi's face was in a deadpan when he looked at each of his new team's files. There were two boys and one girl.

"Weak," Kakashi muttered. They were only children, but they were older than he had been when he had gotten his first kill. The blood still remained on his hands when he closed his eyes.

They were _weak_.

And Kakashi felt something akin to pity that he was likely to be the one to watch the hope fade from their eyes. Their romantic idea of the ninja world was likely to be crushed. He had to be the one to crush it.

There was no glamor in being a ninja. It was sweat and blood and the reward for all that hard work is stitches and grave stones.

His hand trailed to his side where he could still feel Anomie's fingers if he let the memory strengthen. The wound was still fresh and if he pressed he could still feeling the aftermath of bruising.

He squeezed his eyes shut once more before glancing down at the files in his palms. He couldn't bring himself to get up from his spot next to Rin's grave to meet these children. His back rested against the stone and he slowly rested his head against the chiseled engraving of Rin's name. He let the sun cook into his skin as the files fell between his legs.

"Still sitting there?" The voice nearly jolted him awake and he glanced over to find the spot next to him now filled with Rin's form. Her smile was just as he remembered it as it spread across her face in a swift motion. "So moody."

When he looked behind him, he found he was sitting against the building of his house. It was odd how natural the old bark felt against his back, and yet it filled him with a sense of nostalgia as if it shouldn't be natural.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, and Rin giggled.

"If you must know, I was looking for you. You're not usually late to training. Minato-sensei was worried," Rin commented and Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Obito was there too?"

"I was surprised he beat you as well."

"I'm skipping for today," Kakashi finally announced with a slowly forming frown.

"That doesn't sound like something you'd do," Rin reached over and ran her palm under Kakashi's stray bangs to feel his forehead.

"You don't have a fever. Is something a matter?"

Kakashi's heart slightly sped when he felt her skin against his. Before she could pull her hand away, he pressed his palm against the back of her hand and shut his eyes. For some reason, he felt like their time was limited. He was afraid that if he'd open his eyes, she'd be gone.

"You know, you can talk to me if there's ever anything wrong."

"What if you're not there anymore?" Kakashi asked, and his voice cracked. It was an odd emotion that he didn't understand, causing his heart to quake. "What if when I open my eyes...you're gone?"

"Many people care about you enough to listen." Rin whispered. "I tell all my problems to Anomie...she's always there for you too...and so is Kushina-san and Minato-sensei...even Obito. We're all here for you."

Kakashi didn't understand why her words struck a nerve so when he tore away from her palm he felt his head hit something hard. His eyes opened and saw that he was back in the cemetery, leaning against Rin's grave.

He couldn't remember falling asleep, and he glanced down to see the files had fallen down in between his legs.

He was alone.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"You wrecked some serious havoc in the village." The voice flooded Anomie's ear and forced her to pause as she glanced towards the source of the noise, only to find an upheaval of dirt where two footprints once resided.

Then the voice hovered overhead and Anomie craned her neck to glance over to the legs that dangled over a tree branch. She felt a rush of annoyance that she allowed Kimimaro to scout on ahead of her.

"Looking for me?" The woman's eye was covered in a bandage and her hair was weaved in intricate orange curls. She wore an outfit that resembled a street performer or a bathing suit. Her legs were wrapped in long ties that connected to what looked to be ballet shoes.

"Who are you?" Anomie asked after a moment of hesitation.

"I am Izana Tsukasa. Rank four in line of commander in Root. I am in awe to meet the troublemaker of history...the one and only Koneko." Tsukasa did not so much as crack a smile in Anomie's direction as she clapped her hands with a calm expression in her visible eye. It took Anomie a moment to realize that the woman, whose face remained in a deadpan, was using sarcasm. "Congratulations to being so infamous."

Anomie tensed as the name of Root filtered out the rest of Tsukasa's words and she swiftly jumped in attack. Her fingers morphing into a swift Jutsu as she summoned a katana from one of her many seals that remained in formation on her arms. The blade shot through the bark, but the woman's speed flew right past her and before she could so much as blink, Tsukasa was behind her.

In Tsukasa's hand was Anomie's blade that was so delicately placed in between her pointer finger and thumb. "Work on that speed. I walk faster than that." Tsukasa wasted not a moment longer before she dropped the katana at Anomie's feet.

Anomie raised a brow, finding that her palms were red from the force that Tsukasa had so gracefully ripped said blade from her clutching fingers. "Tickle me intrigued. What is one of Danzo's soldiers doing so far from their cozy home."

Tsukasa cracked a smirk. "While I may be in Root and sworn to serve the devil in the shadows, do not be mistaken to believe that I am his soldier."

"The Root division are as loyal to him as dogs. What makes you so different?"

"My loyalty remains to my friends," Tsukasa replied with a single moment of indifference. "We have a common enemy...one of my friends is in danger and a massacre is on the horizon."

"I don't care if the Uchiha clan lives or dies."

"You are smarter than you look." Tsukasa nearly smiled kicking the katana up as if it were as light as a ball. Anomie snatched it by its halt as it came her way. "But the Hokage has decided to extend his trust in me...and that means he has extended it to you as well."

"What would you have me do?" Anomie raised her palm right when Tsukasa motioned to speak. "Not that I'm agreeing, but call it a cat's curiosity. The documents alone would be enough to indict Shimura Danzo as the misguided murderer that he is...why go through all these backhanded methods. Why come to me?"

"The village needs Danzo...regardless of what he has done. He keeps the peace in ways that you could never understand. And the Uchiha clan is a vital part of this village. If it can be avoided, we would rather avoid complete unnecessary bloodshed."

"I do not care about the politics of it, Izana." Anomie shook her head. "I am more interested in how you found me so easily rather than why you found me."

"The Hokage told me that you wanted to protect the village...we need your help. If that doesn't sway you then perhaps you should remember what you are protecting." In moments, Tsukasa tossed an amulet, stitched with the words 'protection' in the familiar way Rin had once done.

"Where did you get this?" Anomie asked with furrowed brows. She had thought it would be lost forever.

"Someone who still cares about your miserable existence... I snatched it from him."

Kakashi's face brought a warm ember in her throat and for a moment she worried that her emotions were flat and clear on her face.

"What would you have me do?"

"I would have you remember the promise you made to the Third Hokage a year ago, before you acted on your own and betrayed your words. I would have you fight for the village that needs you. Put aside your personal vendettas and help us save a clan."

"I owe nothing to the Uchiha," Anomie replied.

"You owe your life to the future of this village that you have so deeply disrupted...more than you know."

"What would this village ask of me?"

"We ask that you become the shadow...we ask that you take orders and we ask that you aid in a massacre."

"Aid? Not prevent?"

"Many in the Uchiha are beyond reach...even if we brainwash a leader. The Uchiha elders must go."

"I would not be able to get so close."

"You just assume you will be alone. A weasel will be your guide."

Anomie's brows furrowed and she crushed the amulet in her palm. "What else would this village have of me?"

Tsukasa nearly looked visibly relieved. "Nothing you haven't done before. In the meantime, I will have to clean up your mess."

"You are a snarky kid."

"You have no idea the turmoil you have caused...do you?"

Anomie tilted her head for a moment of apprehension. "Turmoil is all I can do these days."

Tsukasa glanced toward the sky, and for a moment it looked as if she was staring straight into the sun. "That amulet...I might of stitched a seal into the back."

Anomie turned it around and she saw an intricate seal placed with small signs of the woman's Chakra. She felt a moment of anger rush into Anomie's bones at the obvious desiccation of Rin's gift.

When she looked back up to Tsukasa's face she saw the woman was slightly smiling. "What? Do you not like my needlework?" She let out a small laugh. "Relax. Think of it as a form of communication. If I ever need to speak to you, it will take you to a special sanctuary of my clan. Our summoning animals have never liked outside guests, but I am sure they all won't mind your presence in their home if you treat them with respect."

"Make your point before I rip out your tongue from your throat."

Tsukasa's lips pulled into a tight smile. "You are just as I thought you to be...absolutely irritating but if your the village needs you then so be it."

"I am not what this village needs. Through the kaleidoscope in which I view this world, I have long since learned that I can only bring death and more death forever and ever."

"Then let's make sure those deaths are for the good of Konoha and not for the good of yourself, shall we?"

"That is not something I can promise."

"Try and meet me half way, Koneko. I am trying not to shove your own blade down your smart ass mouth."

"You couldn't even if you wanted to."

Tsukasa covered her face with the shadow of her hair as she attempted to control her laughter. "Perhaps we will see the outcome of that one day, An-chan."

Anomie motioned to strike the woman where she stood, but before she could so much as twitch, Tsukasa was gone.

It took Anomie moment to realize that this woman hadn't needed fancy ninjutsu to disappear as she had. It had been pure speed that outclassed hers in every way.

She couldn't help but feel a moment of defeat before she shook her head and erased the woman from her mind. She briefly clutched the amulet in her palm before she realized what she was doing. Upon realizing it, she dropped the amulet to the ground as if it were poison.

As she watched it fall to the ground, she briefly wondered if Rin was watching her somewhere from above. She briefly wondered if the kind girl regretted saving her so long ago, only to see what she had become.

Anomie quickly picked the cloth amulet up and clutched it to her chest as her knees pressed against the grass. Guilt was always something she lived with, but the emotion that created a hurricane in her chest was shame.

It destroyed her insides until she wondered if this kind of emotion was capable of tearing out her guts onto the forest floor.

She slowly tucked the amulet into her robes and stared ahead of her into the dead of night that had begun to fall into her shoulders.

If this was hell, then she simply wanted no part of this sort of torment.

She thought of Naruto with a brief flicker of pity and she once again was forced to remember his eyes sparkling with tears as he was forced into a situation that remained far from his fault. She remembered the guilt as she thought about Sakura, such a sweet child whose life force Anomie had nearly taken.

If she had pushed the girl's body only a fraction longer, it was likely she would never wake up again.

Anomie promised herself that she would carry that guilt on her shoulders, stacked heavily, for the rest of her shortened life. She had little to offer in repentance, so she promised herself to make it hurt.

For the pain she has caused to the people she loved...she wanted her decent into hell to hurt.

She wanted it to burn into her bones until the moment she closes her eyes. She needed it to hurt.

That was the only way she could ever forgive herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 椿 Tsubaki. Camilia (pink). It means in Japanese, longing in love.
> 
> Tsukasa Izana is a character from my other story House of Cards. There will be one more story that will connect to this trilogy. Mostly because Anomie has caused a ripple effect on the Naruto universe (Example being Sakura is being booted out of the ninja world)
> 
> But don't worry. I have big plans for Sakura (perhaps not in this story) but I love that pink haired chick, so her story isn't done quite yet. She will be more featured in the Cheating Fate story coming up.
> 
> This story is Kakashi timeline
> 
> House of Cards is Itachi/Shisui timeline
> 
> Cheating Fate is Naruto time line.


	29. Chūrippu

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT  
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–•–

**ODDLY ENOUGH, THERE HAD ACTUALLY BEEN A TIME WHERE ANOMIE HAD** actually wanted to be in ROOT. Of course, that was before Danzo's name had become a slow dose of aconite in the bane of Anomie's life. The moment Danzo's Root division whore disappeared, Anomie placed her amulet against the third seal that ran up her leg. She felt the marking against her skin and hid the amulet into it with an intricate weave of her Chakra. She ruffled her dress so it covered the three seals that she had recently gotten tattooed onto her right leg.

All that was left now was her left leg. It was certain to hurt as every seal felt like a slow stab wound, ripping and shredding her skin with blades as thin as cherry blossoms. The painful thing would be to cover her body with them. They would surely protect her life and a couple tears would be a small price to pay for security.

She stood straighter, feeling the forest for any trace for Kimimaro's Chakra, but the boy had hid it like a good little soldier. She jumped onto the nearest tree branch that hung above her head and perched against the bark with her hands flat against the wood.

She murmured a small Jutsu, whilst moving her hands into quick seals. Momentarily, she felt her Chakra let out a pained cry as it suctioned her lungs for strength. Momentarily, she wanted to collapse in exhaustion, as her body was still numb from the excessive Chakra she had used in Konoha.

A part of her knew that Kimimaro's prediction of her health was correct. Perhaps she should have rested before taking up yet another mission that was likely to end her life. None of that lamenting could have prepared her for the weakness she felt down to her bones as she masked her body in a henge.

The simple fact was that her white hair didn't offer much in the category of being incognito, and black fit her purpose just fine. It was boring and boring was safe. It would suit her mission, even if it stripped a month from her life. She found she didn't care much for how long she lived anymore.

She jumped from the tree branch, her body turning to smoke before she landed.

_The truth is, there isn't a reason for me to live._

It was odd, seeing the group of entertainers from the outside instead of being along side them, gossiping about politics and dress ware. It was only once that the Kemuri Oiran had traveled outside the confines of their tiny village to Kaibun. It was a journey that took a week through the border of the land of fire. When they finally arrived, the journey was well worth the hours on the open road. Anomie had never seen such extravagant and beautiful dances in front of such a huge crowd. Dancers from all around the country had come, bringing their skills with them. Anomie still remembered the way they moved so beautifully.

After all, Oiran, while having versatile skills, weren't usually so dedicated in dance. Men would rather lay with a woman than watch her exhibit beautiful talents. Of course, Anomie was never like the other Oiran and neither was Ohashi. She could dance. She could sing. She could fuck.

And of course, she could kill.

Her smoke body drifted to the beautiful flower incrusted carriage, finding a stunning woman inside. Her hair was placed in intricate pins and her traditional dress had long sleeves that were likely double the length of the woman's own body. Anomie's smoke like body entered the compartment, and slowly the smoke took form until she was human once more.

The woman seemed started, and she moved backwards so fast that her head slammed into the compartment. " _Who are you?_ " The woman's question was voiced in a language that Anomie had heard little.

"Ah, a language barrier," Anomie commented. "That could be a problem." With that thought in mind, she leaned forward, stroking her hand over the dancer's cheek. "I take it you're the main act. Your life must be quite tragic and you must have worked hard for that role."

The woman opened her mouth to scream, but Anomie's hand had already turned to smoke, filling the woman's lungs. All that emitted from the woman's lips was a shallow and trembling cough that barely made a sound.

"It's such a troubled life," Anomie whispered. "I sometimes wish that I was born hideous...beautiful people have such difficult lives...short lives..."

"Xiaowei." The voice from outside the carriage rang, causing the woman to attempt to lean back up, but all that came out was another cough.

"Xiaowei?" Anomie asked, as she nonchalantly leaned back into her seat. "Is that your name?" The woman could no longer cough and any sound that was emitted from her perfect lips was a wheezing so low that you'd have to be next to her to hear it. "It's a beautiful name. You will be dying today, Xiaowei. I wanted you to know it's nothing personal—in fact—I love dancers. You are all so lucky. You can be as beautiful as you want...you get to dress in expensive silk and become this beautiful, untouchable flower. Men only get to stare. They can't bend you over and soak in your tears." Anomie briefly wondered if she seemed crazy, rambling to a soon to be dead woman in a language the dead woman didn't understand.

But Anomie didn't quite care.

Killing a person had began to feel like a dance. At first it was difficult and made her cry at the end of the night, but now it was easy to become the rushing current.

Xiaowei collapsed in front of her, but Anomie steadied the woman's shoulders before she could get very far. The foreign dancer nearly looked like she was sleeping when Anomie entered the woman's body. It felt odd, as she had never inhabited the form of a dead woman. The skin felt odd and the body nearly rejected Anomie's Chakra.

And it was painful—but it was safe. With no Chakra to fight for control, Anomie could probably stay. She could probably live out the rest of her life as a dancer by the name of Xiaowei. Although, that would be a simple life—and it would inevitably be far more than Anomie deserved.

The sound of the carriage stopping and the crunching of feet against the ground alerted her. " _Xiaowei, we heard coughing, are you ill?"_

Anomie only straightened her back, the language was distinct and resembled the words of the people near the small Oasis by the Hanguri Gulf, just south of the Wind country in the east. She had gone there briefly as an Anbu ninja, and again on a mission from Orochimaru. She regretted that the language had not interested her, but her memory was fit for song. Words never meant much to her, but a melody she'd remember forever.

" _Above, the sun is falling. We must continue this journey_ ," it felt ridiculous to recite a lyric so calmly, but it seemed to calm the man down and he bowed in respect before closing the compartment door.

When Anomie was alone, she raised her palm in front of her face, finding it was thin and nimble. The long sleeves that resembled scarves made it impossible to fully see her hand, so she was stuck gazing at them through the thin material.

" _Above, the sun is falling. We must continue this journey for the moon is now calling,"_ Anomie's voice sang out in the Hua dialect, known in south eastern Wind. " _She's the beauty of east. The nation crumbles to dust by the eyes of a beast._ "

Her voice was different, but sometimes, different wasn't always bad.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Xiaowei," the man's voice was an annoyance, but moving around the stiffening arms of a corpse was even more annoying. Anomie couldn't say it was difficult, but knowing in the back of her mind that she was in a corpse was an odd factor. It had never been something she'd even consider until she had nearly killed Sakura back in Konoha. She had never inhabited a body as long as she had Sakura, so the drain of her abilities was so great that she doubted she'd ever be able to be in a body so long again _. "How is your voice?"_

Anomie noticed the way he motioned to his throat as he spoke, and she picked apart words she knew so she could understand what he said. " _Yes. I sing fine_."

The moment she saw the man's expression, she figured she had said the words in a strange way. "Xiaowei..."

" _I'm tired_ ," Anomie said, holding out her hand for the man to grab. He did so, helping her out from the carriage. The moment she felt her feet hit the ground of the village, she was bombarded with the beautifully carved statues of the Grass village. She briefly wondered where Kimimaro was lurking, but knowing him, he was somewhere close.

The Grass village was obviously not on her list of favorites, and the last time she had been here it had been with that freak of nature by the name of Tobi. It was odd—entering this village so openly—that she was now greeted with the smiling faces of awe. Behind her was the rest of the entertainers, but Anomie knew—judging by the extravagant dress that fitted her form like the leaves on a tree—that she was to be the main act.

That in itself was a slight problem, as she didn't know the song, but easily she could learn it.

In that moment, her arm was grabbed by one of the handmaidens, "Xiaowei, _do you wish to practice_?" The dialect rang out, but Anomie didn't know how to answer without outing herself, so she merely settled for a soft nod.

Perhaps sometimes, things do go according to plan.

She was taken through the village, and Xiaowei's beauty attracted the attention of many of the locals. It was an act that was used to ensnare customers for the celebration, but her eyes were set on only one. She cared little for them as her eyes were set on the man with his broad shoulders and a giant blade strapped to his back.

Yamamoto the Lightning Spear.

He didn't look much different from his bingo book photo, and she knew enough about him from said book to read him appropriately. He sat on the bar stool of a sake stall, and the moment she walked by, she noticed his eyes dilate her way.

She knew enough from a little bit of light readings and testimony from previous witnesses to know his weakness was women. It was a common fault as most men set aside a girl's true intentions if those same bitches batted their lashes and opened their legs. A beautiful woman could bring an empire to crumbles if she wished it—and a dark part of Anomie did in fact wish to watch men crumble beneath her feet. Maybe the dust and ashes of their broken bodies would fill the hole in her heart—or perhaps it would cut another hole until her blood bubbled from those holes and she died.

Xiaowei was a beauty that was well fit for gathering the attention of any common fool, but Anomie knew that Yamamoto was no fool. She met his gaze straight on and her lips, decorated in a brilliant red, curled up as she dipped her head. Her sandals glided across the ground without delay, and the walk to the brothel district of the village hidden in the Grass was a long one. It was filled with life and the laughter of children as they crowded the streets in beautiful yukata.

Anomie didn't know much about Grass customs, but she knew enough to understand the importance people had on their tradition. The village was decorated in beautiful decorations and lanterns filled the streets, lit with small flames as she walked closer to the Grass village brothel.

Odd again, that she was so close to a brothel and went to dance and sing instead of lie with the highest bidder. The wooden doors towered overhead in a wonderful splendor as the rest of the entertainers followed behind her. The samurai were stationed on all sides of her, their hands near their swords just waiting for an attack.

She paid no heed, as her body was trained and prepped for any attack yet to come.

" _Welcome, honored dancers_ ," the lady who spoke was young with her skin pale with white makeup that barely managed to cover her face like porcelain. The veil shadowed Anomie's eyes as she bowed her head in respect.

" _The honor is ours, beloved Tayū_ ," the women behind Anomie said in unison while the smoke woman made sure to hold her tongue. She had been around so many of these celebrations, and she had been around so many courtesans that she knew when to hold her tongue.

The Tayū spoke in the tongue of the Wind country, but Anomie could tell that it was a broken speech. She took a step forward and bowed, watching as the Oiran around her stared at her as if she were a cockroach, scurrying on the ground. Envy was a bitter emotion, but she understood the annoyance these women felt. Their livelihoods were built around selling their body. Beauty was everything, and Xiaowei had enough of it to bring a nation to crumbles.

" _The honor is all mine. On the road I caught sight of many flowers,_ " Anomie said slowly, putting together the string of words she had learned from her journey on the road. " _But none as beautiful as you_."

The Tayū's lips curled in an exquisite grin as she hid behind the cover of her fan. "Poetic." Anomie's lips curled as her hands remained flat against the ground at her side. " _May I see your dance?_ "

Anomie could barely understand the Tayū's words, but judging by the whispering of the woman behind her, she knew what she wanted.

" _A flower is so much more beautiful after it has bloomed,_ " one of the woman stepped up and spoke, causing Anomie's lips to curl.

"Foreign speech makes me sick," one of the Oiran whispered, likely believing that none of the outsiders could understand. The woman next to her made a shushing sound, causing the Oiran who misspoke to immediately silence.

"I suppose I will have to wait until the celebration to watch how this flower blooms," the Tayu said in swift speed. " _Fine. I will wait._ "

Anomie would not bloom for another brothel. Her petals were already wilted at the ground.

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"You've taken to that body well," Kimimaro stated as Anomie lifted her hands from the water and ran it through Xiaowei's long black hair. "Do you plan on keeping it?"

"Walking around in the body of corpse?" Anomie said as she turned in the bath, the water was scolding hot, but Anomie couldn't mind the heat. To be honest, her body was numb and dead from those simple plagues.

Kimimaro shielded his eyes as the water dripped down the woman's breast.

"How much lower can I sink?" she asked with a small smile. "Have you located him? I saw his silhouette at a soju stool."

Kimimaro only closed his eyes while he rested his hands behind his back, "he has eluded me. I believe he realized he was being followed."

Anomie's lips curled up again as she ran her fingers through Xiaowei's hair, "I will drag him out. Weaknesses are called weaknesses for a reason."

"You barely know the language. Can you keep up the act?" Kimimaro asked, and he obviously wasn't intending to offend her, but the annoyance ripped through her chest like a falling dagger.

" _I can play any part. Any role. Like the wind, I can go anywhere_ ," she retorted in quick haste.

"You picked it up fast..."

"Women love to talk," Anomie repeated.

"I suppose I should let you know that I caught site of Konoha scouts. It is likely they are after you," Kimimaro stated and Anomie stood so quickly that he barely had time to shield his eyes.

"Kill them. Every last one of them," she ordered. "No interruptions. No failures. There is no room."

"I would like to know how they found us so quickly," Kimimaro said, and Anomie only shook her head.

"Scouts have been increasing day by day in this area. Orochimaru seems to be a threat that has grown..." Anomie closed her eyes as she rung out her hair. "My looks are rather distinct and my face is well known...perhaps I should just become Xiaowei."

Kimimaro blinked, "how long can you stay in there?"

"Her body is dead and her Chakra was never much to begin with, so it's all me in here and I am keeping her organs alive. If I wished it, I don't think it would be too hard to never leave."

"Would you become a dancer in the Wind country and leave it all behind," Kimimaro asked and she grabbed her silk robes as she stepped out from the bath. She placed them over her shoulders without another thought.

"If I said yes, would you stop me?" she asked, and when the robes covered her body, he met her gaze.

"I would have to kill you," Kimimaro replied.

"Perhaps you'd win," she whispered, and in a flash of speed she was behind the child, placing a dagger to his throat. "But I don't think you have what it takes quite yet."

Another wilted petal of her heart fell to the ground when he glanced at her from over his shoulder, "maybe not today, but if ordered, I'd scourer the country for you."

She laughed as she dropped her hand, "I have no intention of making it easy, but if I were to die, it would not be by the hands of a trained dog."

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" _A glance from her eyes,_

_A moment of lies..._

_Tucked in her gaze_

_Set this country ablaze...._

_Another smile turns this nation to ash_

_No city can stand the lash_

_A doubt a beauty like her_

_Will ever be seen again,"_

"Yama-kun, isn't she beautiful," Karin Uzumaki's voice ran like a harp as Yamamoto watched the beautiful woman perform a dance he had never before seen. He listened to the song that he couldn't understand, but even so, he eyes were drawn to every move she made. He had never understood the purpose of brothel entertainers, and he'd much prefer the company of a willing woman. "What do you think she's saying?"

"I do not know," Yamamoto answered, and in the crowd, her eyes met his as her song ended. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but to him a winter passed by the time she bowed her head.

Takeshi scoffed from next to him, "have you fallen for another one? Need I remind you that we're just passing through? We can't stop for some whore who smiles your way."

Yamamoto glanced at his comrade with a slight smirk, "you think she was smiling at me?"

Takeshi let out a sigh of exasperation as he ruffled Karin's hair, "lets go before someone recognizes us."

"I'd like to think my face has matured since they wrote me into the Bingo book."

"It hasn't," Takeshi retorted as he ushered Karin away.

"Good luck, Yama-kun," Karin said with a parting smile as she adjusted her glasses and disappeared in the crowd.

By the time he glanced back towards the stage, the woman had already disappeared. His eyes searched for her, but he couldn't see the slightest glimmer of her dark hair.

" _Disappointment leaves behind a dry taste,"_ a voice said from behind him. He turned around and saw a woman, clad in white silk robes.

"You changed clothes fast," he said slowly when he noticed it was the dancer. "I'm afraid I do not know your language."

" _Idiots rarely do_ _."_ He noticed her lips curled when she spoke, and he briefly wondered what sweet words had escaped. " _You stare so intently I was beginning to think your eyes would roll at my feet."_

"Are you insulting me?" he asked, and the woman laughed.

"Xiaowei," she greeted, bowing her head.

"Yamamoto," he greeted in return. He made motions with his hands as he spoke. "I liked your song."

Anomie was slightly amused that he spoke so slowly, as if the speed of his speech would aid a person who did not know the language. She bowed her head and smiled as she said, " _I am sure the song is not all you enjoyed._ "

"It's kind of awkward speaking to someone who can't understand you," he admitted with a frown. "But I suppose it must be uncomfortable for you as well."

" _And yet you continue to speak?_ _Stupid people are quite strange,_ " Anomie replied, and she noticed him frown.

"Did you just call me stupid?" His question caused her to let out a genuine smile as she covered her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Sake?" Anomie motioned with her hand as a drink for extra emphasis.

"You want me to treat you to sake after you called me stupid?" he asked and took extra notice to the beautiful glint in her eyes as she nodded. "Okay." He held out his hand, which she took with nimble grace.

It was odd. She knew that his hand was against hers, and yet she wasn't able to feel the brush of his skin against hers. Whatever warmth emanated from his body was absent from his touch. Maybe in her own form, she might have felt something from the way he so obviously smiled at her with his heart written on his face.

How strange it was to her that someone as renown as him would give his heart away to a passing face.

"I know you can't understand me," Yamamoto said as he walked the girl to one of the sake stands and sat down, simultaneously ordering a bottle from the man behind the counter. It took him a moment longer to realize that the veiled woman hadn't sat down. "What? You forgot how to sit?"

Anomie only stared before he laughed and pulled out a chair before offering his hand to her. She bowed her head as she took it and sat down.

"I didn't realize you were so wrapped up in manners," he said, pouring her some sake from the glass bottle. She only stared at it with mild interest.

" _You, who looks like a mountain, and yet bends over for a pretty face,_ " she whispered, uncovering the veil that shadowed her eyes.

"To tell you the truth," Yamamoto's voice caused her eyes to dart to examine his face as he spoke to a woman who supposedly knew nothing of his language. It was rather cute that he continued to ramble to a foreign stranger. "I never experienced how difficult it was to be in the presence of a beauty and yet not be able to communicate to her how beautiful she is..."

Anomie examined the sake sloshing in her round cup before meeting his gaze. She didn't bother with a response, as her minimal knowledge of the language didn't have an appropriate reply without it ending up as gibberish. To be honest, all she really knew were insults and the occasional proverbs that she heard while seducing clients in Kemuri and Konoha.

"I suppose I have to rely on my charm," he said, taking a sip while he finally caught her gaze. She smiled slightly, taking a sip from her own sake. In mere moments she was coughing in disgust. She used her silk dress's sleeve to cover her mouth as Yamamoto lightly patted her back. "Have you never drunk sake before?"

Anomie was an avid drinker, so hearing this response to her act was ridiculous, but of course, for the sake of being the fragile girl that men always to idolized, she continued to cough. His hand smacked against her back and yet she still couldn't feel the tapping against this body. It was odd, being in Xiaowei's body was numb and when she closed her eyes she couldn't even feel the wind against her cheeks or the Chakra that was running in her veins. That complete absence of feeling was perhaps the best she had been since Rin died, if not even better.

"Are you alright now?" he asked and she met his gaze.

"Burn," she said in their shared language and he smiled.

"You have no idea what your face could do," he murmured, and Anomie wanted to scoff.

_I know exactly what beauty has brought me. It brought upon my mother's death, being raped and sold to a brothel when I was eight, it brought about isolation and loneliness, and it brought about men loving me until they realized that beauty was all there was to this piece of flesh._

But still, it was rather nice to be called beautiful when she inhabited the body of a corpse. If only they knew the rotten heart that filled this chest, maybe they wouldn't be so keen on bedding her.

"It isn't just your body that's beautiful...but the way you danced," Yamamoto stated. "I've never felt so enchanted."

_He speaks a lot of nonsense_ , Anomie thought with a smile that felt so forced that she thought he was moments from seeing the false curve of her lips.

"I suppose I'm rather easy to enchant considering I've been in the travel of men and children these last couple weeks," he admitted, and she tilted her head to the side, a moment of interest passing through her spine. "To be honest, protecting people has never been my thing, but I've gotten quite used to their faces. It was difficult to find a hotel that would hold so many people in this village. I shouldn't have gone through the trouble if some still wanted to camp in the forest."

Anomie's lips curled upwards at the information, "People talk more freely when they think the person can't understand them."

Yamamoto only stared at her before scooting back, "Y-You understood."

"Quite fluently," Anomie replied simply, watching as Yamamoto did something amazing. He laughed.

"Where have you been my entire life?" his question brought upon an unfamiliar skip in her heart that she hadn't felt since Kakashi had kissed her. "You understood everything I said?"

"That much and more," she replied,

She noticed Yamamoto's brows twitch in interest and she poured him a drink with the same etiquette that she had been trained as an Oiran during a tea ceremony. He watched her so carefully that it was a wonder he didn't see right through her. "You are quite the deceptive woman," he finally admitted.

"I have spent most my life with deceptive people," Anomie said, and it felt strange to speak outside of her act. "I have figured out ways to learn about the inner workings of people's hearts."

"And why were you so curious to learn about my inner workings?" he asked and she felt her heart steady.

_It's the easiest way to get you to trust me._

"I liked the way you stared at me," she said, and she noticed his lips curl.

"I do not like being lied to," he admitted in return.

"I did not lie if you did not ask," she replied.

"To tell a half of the truth is to give breath to a new lie," he replied, causing her to smile.

"Perhaps I wish to make you fall for me so I can slit your throat in your sleep," she whispered as she tapped her fingers against the table. He laughed in return, as if she had just told a joke.

Never does a woman lie in a more cunning way than when she tells the truth to someone who doesn't believe her.

She couldn't remember where she had heard that proverb, but she deemed it true. She lifted the clay cup that she had poured the sake into, and she held it near his face.

"What do you say honored customer? Do you wish to take a sip?" she asked in a lull while her lips quirked up. Slowly, she noticed his eyes dilate as they ran over her face and over her neck before stopping at the indent in her breasts.

She pressed her fingertips against his arm, noticing the heat of his skin against hers. "Are you flirting with me?" His question was asked in a husky lull and it caused her cheeks to redden in false embarrassment.

"Was it that obvious?" She noticed his lips quirk up as he grabbed the glass of clear liquor from her palm. His eyes stayed connected with hers as he raised it to his lips.

Her heart, for an instant, beat a second faster and she found herself smiling along with him. "You're quite the flirt, aren't you?" he asked slowly into Anomie's ear.

"What can I say?" Anomie cursed her emotions to a dark pit inside her chest so she could continue the act. "I see what I want and I obtain it."

"Do you?" At his question, her eyes nearly widened as she thought back to Kakashi's smile and his touch against her face.

 _No. I suppose I don't,_ Anomie didn't voice this truth, but she felt it in her veins.

"Of course, and right now I want to drink with you," she murmured as she took his hand and brought the half full cup of sake to her lips, her fingers wrapping around the back of his hand.

Her eyes stayed connected with his as she brought the liquid to her tongue. It probably would have burned down her throat, but luckily alcohol didn't affect her with her years fucking and drinking. That and the fact that this body was dead.

_But I want to serve Orochimaru faithfully and true much more than I want to drink with you._

It took two bottles of sake and three glasses of sake for Anomie to let out a genuine laugh as she continued the game of konpira fune fune. Her hand shook as she handed him the glass to drink.

"Why are you so good at this?" he questioned, causing her shrug.

"It was my favorite part of being a courtesan," she said so casually that she instantly knew the man didn't believe her. "Drink."

"No one has ever gotten me to drink so much so soon," he commented and Anomie glanced at his lips as he raised the sake cup to his lips.

"It's a secret talent of mine," she whispered with a smile.

He leaned close, "you're different from other people I've talked to."

_Obviously you hadn't been to any brothels in Kemuri. I am sure the ashes and dust on the ground of my room resemble me quite well._

"Wanna know a secret?" she whispered into his ear.

She felt his jaw move as he smiled. "Enlighten me."

"I'm not wearing anything under these robes," she whispered, blowing a kiss against his ear lobe.

_If only you could see past my beautiful face and straight to the traitorous blood covering every inch of my body._

But men never mind the horns of a demon just so long as it was a beautiful demon.

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She glanced over at Yamamoto's naked back near her form, covered with sheets while she was left cold and naked. She rolled her eyes and stood up in one quick motion, not bothering to cover her form as she walked around the bed and gathered her kimono from the ground.

She didn't feel Kimimaro's Chakra anywhere near, but she knew he couldn't be far. She slipped on her clothes and walked closer to Yamamoto, finding that he was out cold with no chance of waking for a long while considering the amount of sleeping poison she slipped in his shochu.

She leaned down, brushing her lips over his cheek before she slowly used her other hand to unsheathe his kunai from his weapons pouch. She raised it over his neck.

Once slice and she would be free.

Just one and she could complete her mission. It shouldn't be so hard. She had killed so many before that she didn't want to so this wouldn't be any different.

How would she ever be able to kill Kakashi if she felt so reluctant to slit some ninja stranger that she fucked once? It didn't mean anything.

She laid her forehead against the mattress and her hand fell against his neck.

"You mean to let him live?" Kimimaro's voice echoes from behind her and she swiftly stood.

"Is that so wrong?" she asked in a monotone. "He's obviously not a very good ninja if he fell for a ploy such as ours. He is no threat."

Kimimaro shrugged his shoulders and he closed the window behind him. "I can see you've convinced yourself of that completely."

"Is that so wrong?" she repeated.

"You always told me that you didn't believe in maybes and possibilities and chances." Kimimaro stated with a simple shrug.

"I said that?" _It sounded like the kind of heartless words that I would say._ "You're right."

"Do you want me to do it?" he asked and she hissed a curse his way. He smirked and motioned to the clock as he walked over to the scrolls all over the desk and grabbed them with a mild look of interest.

"Leave I'll take care of this mess."

"As you wish."

And he left, leaving Anomie to kill her heart once more.

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"What are these scrolls?" She asked and Kimimaro opened one in a swift motion.

It was the scribbles that Anomie noticed first, as they were a deep shade of red. It took her a moment longer to realize that they were markings of names written in blood. The very last one was Yamamoto's name and seal, causing Anomie to furrow her brows together.

"This is a summoning scroll," she whispered, and Kimimaro glanced up from it to look her way.

"Summon what?" He asked and she shook her head.

"We can find out later. Summoning rituals are dangerous and it requires a lot of Chakra. We don't want to deal with an angry and unknown animal."

"We did kill its former master," Kimimaro added in agreement and Anomie shook her head as she rolled it back up, feeling the grass on her palms when she did.

"For now, let's find that refuge. We have a Uzumaki to obtain."

"We know it's in the west. He had recent currency of the Mizugahara district."

"The Uzumaki are a conspicuous bunch," she murmured, patting Kimimaro's back. "We will find them in no time."

"How many do you think this Lightning ninja had under his command?"

"We just need one. Kill the rest."

She didn't care if they were children or adults. The weak would die in this world regardless of any mercy she showed. To put it simply, she no longer cared about anything in this world anymore.

"Do you plan to stay in that body?" Kimimaro asked, and she glanced his way. "It has no further use."

"He stated that many under his command are staying in a hotel in the Grass village," Anomie said, ignoring his comment. Kimimaro sighed. "And the others are in the forest."

"All that was there were Lightning ninja. It seems like they fled. Perhaps we weren't as careful as we thought," Kimimaro replied, to which Anomie shrugged off.

"We killed their leader...much like a bear, the cubs won't live long without their mother to protect them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> チューリップ or Chūrippu means a one-sided love. In English it is a yellow Tullip.


	30. Sakuraso

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE  
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**IT WAS A HAZE TO GET THROUGH THE DAY, AND KAKASHI TOOK THAT HAZE WITH** him everywhere he went as if it were stuck to his shoe. Even training his students, Icha Icha Paradise in hand, he was unable to focus. They were obviously trying to hard to impress him, but it was a losing battle as Kakashi found the Toad Sage's erotic details on the white haired heroine far more impressive.

However, the main character reminded him so much of Anomie that he found it difficult to not picture her in his mind. He shook his head with a smile, as he thought of her reaction to finding out she was the inspiration to Jiraiya's most popular book in the trilogy.

"Are you just gonna sit there?" asked the new Genin and Kakashi didn't so much as glance up.

"Yeah, you're our sensei. You are supposed to teach us," the smaller and scrawny looking Genin commented.

"When I see something worth teaching, you'll know," Kakashi's drone was teasing and the students groaned.

"I'm starting to think our sensei is just lazy," the third Genin whispered and Kakashi slightly chuckled.

Slowly he closed his book and stood, noticing his students immediately tense. He slowly motioned for them to come closer. "Fight me then. I'll go all out. If you win I'll teach you a Jutsu."

They didn't need to be told twice and they practically bounced up to fight. Kakashi immediately began picking apart their weaknesses, noticing the way the small and scrawny Genin, Yako, was much too quick to hide behind his teammates. The second Genin, Hiroi, was much too quick to take the blunt of the damages as if he were the strongest Genin who ever lived. The third one made Kakashi the most frustrated. The third one, Ohori, was strong with high levels of potential, but obviously thought his teammates weren't worth his time. He followed all the rules and had perfect form, but he abandoned his teammates to gain the upper edge.

_Trash._ Kakashi thought with narrowed eyes.

So Kakashi failed all three of them that night.

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The vibrant colors of the grass and the beautiful flowers, blooming and open, did nothing to prepare Anomie for the heat of the sun. Her legs were sore and her tongue was parched with a thirst she could barely contain. Kimimaro had lost much of his arrogance in replace for a swift and biting irritation that fit him much more than the arrogant lap dog she had grown to know.

"It is not wrong to complain," Anomie commented, glancing towards Kimimaro with a slight smirk as she adjusted her katana over her shoulder, flooding bits of her Chakra into her feet so she could remain perched on top of the branch.

"I have no reason to complain." Kimimaro stated in reply as his face visibly glistened with sweat from the humid air that rushed over his skin. Anomie raised a brow, but chose not comment on the obvious fib.

"The target is quite under protected," she commented instead as she glanced over to the small girl with bright red hair that proved to be an obvious Uzumaki trait (or so Anomie had heard).

The small child, with her thick-rimmed glasses, balanced her tiny-legged figure on a fallen branch. Anomie's eyes scanned the four men, finding their Chakra levels to be weak and insignificant. Yamamoto had been the only real threat.

Through the barrage of trees and the partition of leaves rested the vibrant red hair of a child. The child couldn't have been more than four years old and her skin was as clear as porcelain from the neck down. Her cheeks were stained with light freckles and her eyes were stained pink.

"Yama-kun isn't back yet?" asked the little girl, and the man turned his head to look at her before rolling his eyes and glancing away.

"Obviously not," he replied, causing the edges of the little girl's lips to cast down.

"When will he be back?" she asked, and the ninja sighed.

"I don't know," he stated in a monotone. One of the ninja from beside him chuckled.

"Bet'cha he met a girl," the second ninja announced, and if Anomie could roll her eyes whilst incorporeal, she would have done so then and there.

"Figures the boss is out havin' fun and we're stuck here under babysitting duty," the first ninja muttered. "You think it was that dancer?"

Anomie decided the time for observing was over and she allowed her smoke body to dart in between the bushes. Her feet turned corporal first, and she felt her own skin once more sink her further into the ground. Only when she could feel her own skin again, did she miss the open air. The fear of being torn apart by it was less daunting as days went by on and on again. It felt weird to feel anything against her skin after the nothingness of Xiaowei's body.

Her eyes filled with tears as she allowed the henged black hair to fall over her shoulders. Her dress was ripped with a perfect illusion. Anomie began to wonder if everything that made up the smallest fibers of her being were illusions. She ripped her arms through the thorns and the bushes, alerting the ninja into fighting position as her form fell to the ground as she neared them. She made sure to allow the stray branch to cut her lip, just before she made herself visible.

"Please help me," she whispered, tasting the droplets of her own blood on her tongue.

_No one can help me._

"It's a kid," one of the ninja stated and the other frowned.

_A kid who could slaughter every last one of you if she wanted...but men never saw a woman as something dangerous at first glance._

"Please help me," she repeated, her hair tangling with every movement as she dug her nails into the soft dirt of the forest.

"Enemy ninja?" asked one ninja, and Anomie's senses alerted as the small red haired Uzumaki child peaked out from behind the two brutish ninja. It would be so simple for her to reach out her arms to the two ninja, stroke their cheeks and simultaneously slit both their throats.

So simple, but Anomie had always been patient. She believed in the hunt. It made the feeling of their blood so much warmer, and it was the only time she felt warm. It was sadistic, but she was done fighting the sadistic need in her heart. She was done opening her legs to fill that same thrill and warmth. She was done craving someone's touch like oxygen when she could just as easily steal another's air. To put it simply, she wanted to make them hurt in the worst way possible.

The more pain she caused strangers, the less she was likely to cause to someone she actually cared about.

"I was traveling with my father...we were attacked." Anomie caught the eye of the red haired child, and briefly wondered if this child was the only surviving Uzumaki in this group. It was all the more reason to be careful in procuring her.

"By who?" The two ninja were skeptical, but Anomie was sobbing to hard to properly answer. Her lips were trembling and she was nearly hyperventilating.

"Please..." she cried. She had seen many cry before out of fear and her memory had always been rather skilled. Mimicking devastation wasn't the worst chore and she did it smoothly. Maybe if she could have a redo of her entire life and she was never sold as a whore and seduced as a ninja, she could have become an actress.

_Surely that profession is an honorable one. It was the only time a white lie was applauded so valiantly._

Anomie tried to wipe the excess tears from her eyes, finding that some weren't as fake as she would have liked. Perhaps there was a part of her that was always ready to cry or perhaps there was too much water in her heart and it was all just waiting to spill out somehow. She still remembered her mother once telling her that water was the most useful trait in a human's personality. It was effective to mold yourself like water to what surrounds you.

"What happened? Speak slowly." The ninja's voice was a calm lull, obviously trying to soothe a distraught girl that Anomie had become.

"I don't know what happened," Anomie sniffed out, her voice shaking her shoulders trembled in hyperventilation. "It all happened so...fast. This man....he had great big shoulders...he was fighting someone...a girl with hair so white that it nearly blinded me."

"And your father?" asked the ninja and Anomie shook her head, tears leaking from her eyes.

The two ninja's eyes connected and Anomie's attention was drawn to the red haired girl who neared her. The Uzumaki child's hands remained behind her back, approaching cautiously. Before Anomie could question what the child was doing, the girl pulled a small flower from behind her back and offered it to her. It was long, with many intricate pink buds covering the stem. Anomie stared at it, feeling her heart burn.

"It's a Hēza flower..." The pink haired child said as Anomie's eyes filled with tears. If she closed her eyes, she could nearly hear Rin's voice. "In the language of flowers..."

_"It means protection." Rin said with a smile that filtered through Anomie's wicked thoughts._

Anomie's hands trembled as she took the pink flower. She crushed it to her chest and fought the desire to set fire to the forest.

"I'm Karin," the pink haired girl greeted. "I lost my parents too..."

Anomie saw a flicker of strength in that girl's eyes and for a moment, Anomie saw herself.

"You can travel with us if you want...we will find your father. It's not like Yamamoto to cause such travesty. We will-" The first ninja began, but was interrupted when a spike of bone came flying his way. He spun around, just barely fast enough to catch the spike in his hand. The other ninja barely managed to do the same, the bone cutting through his arm in a clean hole.

"We're under attack!" The second ninja hissed, and blinked, her eyes scanning the forest trees for Kimimaro.

"What do I do?" Anomie asked in a panic.

"Take Karin and get out of here," the first ninja ordered in a shout, and Anomie nodded, grabbing onto Karin with so quick a motion that the girl was near winded.

"But what about Takeshi and Misashi," Karin asked in a loud.

"And what about my father?" Anomie asked in reply. "Bad things happen. You run if you don't want to die."

She dragged the small girl through the trees, her back straightening the moment they were out of sight. "Let me go! I have to be with Takeshi and Misashi!"

"Really?" Anomie turned around and knelt in front of her. "What can you do? Can you fight? Can you do anything but whine?" The flower in Anomie's hand felt heavy and she tossed it at Karin's feet. "Can you do anything but make wishes and pick flowers?"

Karin blinked as if she had seen a ghost, and Anomie's black hair faded to white in a cloud of smoke. "I know. You're probably about to ask a million questions. Save it for a girl who cares."

Anomie pressed her pointer finger against Karin's neck, squeezing a trigger point that almost immediately caused the girl's eyes to roll back into her head. Karin's knees buckled underneath her and Anomie grabbed onto the child's waist, hoisting the kid on her back.

"The sweet sound of silence," Anomie whispered, glancing over her shoulders to the trees, briefly wondering if Kimimaro was prepared to face two separate ninja at once. He acted so tough and experienced that Anomie nearly forgot that he was still a child.

She placed the thought behind her without a second of hesitation as she jumped through the trees with Karin in her arms.

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Anomie was always an entertainer by blood. That meant that she had to be able to read people. She had to know when they were happy or miserable. The essence of her job, even as a ninja, was to be able to see someone and know if they were on their breaking point.

The small child, Karin, had reach that point and it was gushing in small waves from her eyes.

"What have you done?" Karin asked and Anomie tilted her head to the side with a slight smile.

"So much," Anomie replied as she adjusted her hair so it was in a tight braid. During this movement, Karin tried to get up and run. "Run if you want, but I'll find you. I'll always find you."

The child ran and Anomie finished her braid, simultaneously tossing one of her shuriken into Karin's leg. The child cried out and her legs buckled from underneath her as she crumbled to the ground. From there, Anomie walked slowly towards the child, braiding her hair so it formed a bun at the base of her skull. The action was nonchalant and carefree as Anomie knelt down next to where Karin was crying.

"Does crying make you feel better?" Anomie asked, tilting her head to the side as Karin attempted to shift enough so she could reach the weapon lodged in her quad.

Karin didn't answer and Anomie dislodged the shuriken from her leg with a slight smile. "Why did you do this?"

"Maybe it's because I wasn't hugged very much as a child," Anomie mused as she held her hand over Karin's wound. Her palm hovered and she watched as Karin attempted to flinch away. "I wouldn't move if I were you, unless you want the other leg to be in the same condition. You will find that I have no problem with maiming you."

"What do you want?"

"It's not about what I want, kid, it's about what delicious blood runs through your veins." Anomie's palm lit up with a green hue and after a few seconds the wound on Karin's leg closed with a weak layer of skin. "I can't fully heal a wound, so one wrong move will open this back up and you will scar."

"If you were going to heal me then what was the point of hurting me at all?"

"Pain is the best way to make a lesson stick," Anomie patted Karin's cheek lightly before standing. "A little pain never hurt too much and I like inflicting it."

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"You look like you have experienced a handful with that one," Kimimaro's voice was cold as he jumped from the trees to find Anomie, lifting the child Karin by her throat. "Is that the proper way to handle a child?"

"It's how I want to handle you...besides, she's annoying," Anomie answered simply, watching as Karin's face grow red enough to match her hair. The small child's eyes were practically bulging from their sockets as the child attempted to gain oxygen in her lungs. Slowly her eyes closed and Anomie dropped the passed out child to the ground.

Kimimaro's brows disappeared into his white bangs and slowly any trace of emotion disappeared along with it. "Do you enjoy it?" His question was riddled with curiosity as he glanced to his sensei with a moment of weakness.

Anomie took in his question with a grain of salt, balanced in between her fingers as she stared into Karin's barely living face. Slowly Anomie tilted her head and her eyes darted to meet Kimimaro's gaze. "Yes." She didn't used to like it—the pain and sea of disparity in a person's eyes as she snuffed the air from their chest and suctioned it with calm grace. But now, she realized with a weak smile, it was the only thing that brought the spark back into her heart.

Kakashi's face clouded her vision, _well perhaps it wasn't the only thing._

But by now he had to hate her...she had made sure of that on their parting, and yet some weak madness in her bloodstream wished that he didn't.

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"You can't go on this mission," the Third Hokage stated firmly as he met Kakashi's pointed stare.

"You will find no better a captain," Kakashi spoke, only half believing it as true. The doubt in the Hokage's eyes tore the emotion apart.

"We have one chance at this, and your past encounters don't regain my faith in you—your skill is remarkable and your control over your emotions is remarkable," the Third Hokage's voice turned grave. "However, when it comes to Koneko...you have not given me a reason to trust you. After all, she was the reason you attempted to hang your headband, was she not?"

Kakashi's fists clenched at his sides as his heart burned in his chest. But he was a ninja before he was a man, and he buried it all, but Anomie stood inside the extravagant house, aligned with wilting trees and dried flowers. She was forever in that locked up house in his head. Even in his dreams she never smiled his way, and he found that it was slightly easier to slide the sliding shoji door over her porcelain face. He slammed it shut and bowed his head to the Hokage.

"My interests are biased, but my results are what matters. If anyone can find Koneko, it is I. If anyone knows her, it is I," and even as Kakashi said it, he knew it wasn't true. He doubted if he ever knew her at all.

The Third Hokage sighed, "you have failed the last three Genin teams, may I ask why?"

Kakashi looked slightly off guard from the question, "I sent in detailed reports."

The Third Hokage folded his hands underneath his chin, "I would like to hear your reasoning."

"Teamwork," if Kakashi could give any word to describe the proper ninja way, that would be it. Maybe the Hokage knew the impact of such a word, and maybe that was what caused his eyes to slightly narrow.

"Not many teams can develop the type of necessary teamwork that you seek, Kakashi," the Hokage said with a low degree of authority.

"Then I'll search for one that does," came Kakashi's low retort.

"You once abhorred teamwork, and see how far you've risen."

But Kakashi didn't rise, "my team is dead," _and it was all my fault_.

He has fallen so far that he nearly feared there was no picking himself back up. His body weighed down like lead and a part of him knew that no amount of lies could ever make it easy to stand. Rin was dead. _And it's my fault_. Obito was dead. _And it's my fault_. Minato was dead. _And it's my fault._

Anomie just a memory—and even when he tried to run after her through the flames, she disappeared. All that he gained was the smoke that she left behind and it was filling his nose and battling against his lungs.

She was in his blood stream and he hated that she coursed through his veins as if she were a cold. No matter how many times you get over her she always comes back at full force, just a bit more deadly. And he loved her. There is no denying it anymore. He hated who she has become, but he loved who she was and he saw that part of her in her eyes. And if he had to go through flames to find her, he would.

"I am not certain you are ready for a mission with Orochimaru," the Third Hokage finally stated with his palms covering his mouth. Kakashi bowed his head, more so out of shame rather than respect.

"An—Koneko is a wild card," Kakashi cursed himself for nearly saying her name. It sounded too sweet on his tongue. He was afraid to get addicted to that sound. "I know her weaknesses. I know how to handle her."

The Third Hokage sighed, "You are adamant about this."

"I need to prove that I can-"

"That you can put the village first?"

"Yes..."

"That you can kill anyone that jeopardizes this mission," _including Anomie—no_ _,_ _especially her_.

"How am I supposed to train the next generation if I am running from the line of fire." And she was the smoke.

"This will be your last chance," the Hokage warned. "If you fail, I won't allow you even the whisper of her name."

"I understand," came Kakashi's reply, riddled with a foreign emotion that nearly brought him to his knees.

"Kakashi, we need Orochimaru's location," the Hokage warned. "The village's secrets are in his hands and I fear the destruction that will arise should he choose to attack."

"I will not fail."

"It's not like you will be alone," the Hokage announced. "I decided to let our new Anbu captain test out his leadership abilities. Who better to shadow him than the old Anbu captain."

Kakashi had always been a modest man, but finding out he had been replaced and he was to follow his replacement was a humble idea. "Who is he?" Kakashi asked instead.

"Uchiha Itachi."

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"I don't know which is worse: killing children or kidnapping them," Anomie sighed as she leaned over towards the tiny fire and placed a small log in the flames. Kimimaro glanced at the Uzumaki girl who had fallen under a deep sleep with the help of Anomie's sleeping draught.

"They're both equally as annoying," Kimimaro agreed, as he mirrored the older woman's movements.

"At least one is quiet," she replied.

Anomie noticed, with calm bemusement, that the kid was basically copying her every action. She had never had a child take such an interest in her, so having him become her shadow was perhaps amusing. Of course, she doubted she was fit to be anyone's role model.

"The forest is packed with enemies," she whispered. "Get some sleep. I'll keep watch and we will leave at daybreak."

"I'll keep watch. You sleep," Kimimaro retorted, to which she scoffed.

"Kimimaro," she knelt down in front of him. "You are a strong kid, but you grow weaker as day pass by. You need your rest."

"So do you," he retorted without missing a beat. Anomie wanted to return with a lash of her own, but he continued. "Don't think I haven't noticed. You've been different ever since you came back from your last mission. Perhaps the one in need of rest isn't me, Anomie-sama."

A gush of wind swept by and nearly blew away the fire. She glanced towards the sky, finding it was swept with clouds that covered the stars in a white haze. A trickle of nervous flares flickered up her spine. "Go to sleep Kimimaro. If something happens, I am not so weak as to be unable to wake you."

She stood, feeling that she successfully managed to anger the boy who dreamed of becoming her. It didn't matter, because everything he said was true. She had changed. Her power was weakening as days went by and now she found it was growing harder to maintain corporeal form. Possessing Sakura for so long a time had been a mistake. Serving Orochimaru was likely leading her down a cold and shadowy place, but it didn't matter.

"A little longer..." she murmured, watching as her hand began to turn to smoke. She soaked her palm into the fire in attempts to bring the fire back into her shortening life. She caught Kimimaro's eye as he lay against the grass.

"You can't die," he mumbled.

"Everything dies," she replied.

"Not you."

Anomie stared into the flames for what felt like an eternity, ignoring the white noise. "Especially me," she whispered into the flames just before they blew out like the fuses on a candle. She stood in one quick moment, drawing her katana from her side. Kimimaro didn't need any words before he was standing.

Anomie glanced at Karin, sleeping soundly and unaware of the cold and the danger. The white haired girl's breath was visible from her lips, emitting a cool white frost. "Anomie-sama," Kimimaro's voice broke through the girl's stupor.

"Do you feel that?" she asked, dragging her blade over the ground. "Killing intent?"

"We're too close to Orochimaru's hideout," Kimimaro said, and Anomie bit into her lip. "We have to retreat."

"It's too late," she replied, noticing the killing intent had risen. "Take Karin and run."

"It's about to rain," Kimimaro announced.

"I know," she said. "It's Konoha and that is my battle."

Kimimaro looked visibly angry, which was odd as he was the most level headed child she had ever met. "If you die...I'll kill you."

"Dually noted," she replied. "Go. Try not to get burned."

Anomie glanced back towards the tree that surrounded her, A sudden rush of apprehension flickered throughout her senses. She gave a parting glance towards Kimimaro who appeared to be looking out into the trees as well.

"What do you mean burn-?" As if on cue the trees exploded with splintering grace as Anomie tossed a Jutsu its way. "Ah."

Anomie then proceeded to lift Karin as if she were a rag-doll and tossed the girl his way.

"Well, try not to die," he said it in a monotone, but Anomie could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"Can you carry her?" Anomie asked in return with her body amongst the burning trees. Sometime she forgot that he too was not much older than Karin. Kimimaro snorted in return and applied Chakra into his muscles.

"What if they're strong?" he asked before their parting.

"I will do what I have to," Anomie replied, jumping amongst the trees that remained aflame. Fire on such a cold and frigid day was quite a sight and oncoming rain was a lingering threat to douse the flames. But of course, the burn against her skin would at least give her enough abilities to disappear into smoke without the rain casting her away.

That being said, her smoke body flickered into the flames.

"We should have expected her to light the forest on fire."

The voices below caught her attention and she scanned the area down at the ground, finding a ninja with only the glint of his forehead protector and a single piece of cloth from his shirt to block out the smoke. She hesitated, as she could have sworn she heard more voices besides an unrecognizable ninja.

"I see you, Koneko," the eyes of Itachi Uchiha caught her attention when his body flickered in front of her with a spiral of crows. She didn't get a chance to retaliate when that lone ninja at the ground shouted a Jutsu that caused water to rush towards her like a tornado.

The only solace she had was that her reflexes were faster, and her body turned corporal before anymore harm could be done. She fell to the ground, soaked to the bone with the ninja's Jutsu. Her blade fell from her hands as she attempted to keep herself from turning to smoke while still wet.

She controlled the pain on her face as she glanced up towards Itachi, who had body flickered behind her with a kunai at her throat.

"There are better ways to get a woman wet," Anomie stated with a growing smirk.

"I'm afraid you've lost, Koneko," Kakashi's voice was a lullaby as the lone ninja's henge wore off and all that was left was his face.

"You're quite right—chances are, besides your mother, you two don't know a single thing about women," Anomie set Kakashi a coquettish wink, ignoring his comment.

"There's no time for jokes," Kakashi replied, taking a step forward.

"I nearly forgot—how insensitive of me Kakashi—your mother is dead."

Kakashi didn't look burdened by Anomie's comment, and instead said, "If you move, he will slit your throat. If you turn to smoke, the water will tear you apart. You're finished."

Anomie's shoulders shook a musical giggle, "so what? Are you two planning on taking me back to Konoha? I love a good road trip. Did you come up with this plan, Kakashi? Exploit my weaknesses?"

The Anbu mask over Itachi's face blocked out any visible emotion, but she was relatively certain his face was blank underneath anyway.

"Good plan, I'll admit it," Anomie said was she glanced at the trees. "But I do love being underestimated as well." She didn't give them a chance to reply as her seals that covered her body all activated at once and kunai shot out with bolt like accuracy. It was a wonder that Itachi Uchiha managed to dodge them at all, considering he was so close to her.

But, judging by the blood dripping from the arm he now clutched, he didn't get out unscathed. Anomie gave a glance to the sky, her eyes darkening with the ominous threat it revealed. The moment her body turned into smoke, taking a chance on the water that covered her body from head to toe. The Chakra that flooded her bones gushed out in attempts to keep her body together. She knew, when her body turned corporeal once again, that she would be covered head to toe in blood which likely happened with the rearrangement of her bones back together.

It took too much energy to stand, so the moment her feet landed on the tree branches, she collapsed. She didn't have much time to catch her breath, as she wasn't stupid enough to underestimate two Shinobi as powerful as Kakashi and Itachi. She swiftly pulled a scroll from her weapons pouch, recognizing it as the summoning scroll from Yamamoto.

She knew the dangers of summoning an animal without practice, but she didn't have any options but to go for it. Her Chakra was still abundant, but less than it had been prior to the mission. Likely, this would be her last Jutsu of the night if she wanted to wake up to see the sun in the morning.

She bit into her thumb as she opened the scroll and spread her Chakra into her hand, pushing out every last bit until she lost her breath and had to gasp just to fill her lungs with air. She signed her name and just as quickly dotted her fingertips in blood. The seals of the contract traveled up her arm in black ink as she used her Chakra with precision to make the seal. She could only hope that the animal would actually come forth after she murdered its master.

However, instead of an animal, all she got was the feeling that her body was being suctioned into a thin tube in so rough a manner that she lost her footing and fell face first into the vortex that swallowed her and everything around her—the trees, the dust, and the ninja she attempted escape from.

By the time she regained consciousness, she was met with the intense stares of a thousand eyes, surrounding her. She sat up, so abruptly that all the red eyes moved back.

"You are not Yamamoto," one voice stated in the dark.

"No. I believe Yamamoto is dead," another said.

"This little child killed Yamamoto?" The voice of the eyes let out the most ghastly of chuckles.

"I was the one who killed him. I make no excuses," Anomie stated as easily as she would any other statement.

The red eyes bobbed in the dark with the motion of their laughter, "and you took his contract with us? That is low for a Shinobi."

"It is low...but I could have done worse," Anomie said. "What are you?"

"We?" the voices resonated around her and she stood up, finding that the sound of crunching swept underneath her feet. Their bodies swept up in intense flames, covering the silhouette of the birds.

The moment the light swept through the cave, she noticed that the cave was filled with bones, many shattered underneath her boots.

She didn't care if they were human bones or animal, all she cared about was power and she had never felt such raw Chakra since the release of the Nine Tailed demon.

"We are phoenixes," they all said at once.

"Phoenix? I have never heard of a phoenix," Anomie admitted, glancing around the cave. "Is this how contracts usually go down?"

"Only if we don't know our summoner," one of the birds said, its deep voice rumbling.

"We saw you were in trouble," another said.

"Your body is breaking outside, and too much strain would mean certain death. Why do you risk so much at one time?"

"If you were to ask us, your behavior seems reckless."

Anomie took a moment to regain her composure, able to feel the dull ache of exhaustion spreading throughout her bones. "To be honest," she said, "I don't much care about what happens to my flesh when there is so much I must still do."

All the birds moved back into the dark, their bodies quaking with fire before they vanished before her very eyes.

"We do not know you," their voices echoed and spread warmth over her skin. "We did not know Yamamoto and we hardly considered him our contractor."

"His affinity was not ours and his Chakra was not like ours."

"All that's left is to discover how you last in our world."

Their voices cut to a dim nothing, and she saw nothing but the dark empty and desolate ground by the time she saw light again. The sun was blaring down against her skin and the moment she was exposed to that dry air it was a wonder that a single drop of moisture still existed in her body.

Her bones were still sore, and she was still covered in blood by the time she staggered up, she caught sight of the abysmal amount of thin trees that remained around her. The branches were too thin to support anyone's weight, and there wasn't enough leaves to bring about shade from the heat of the sun.

Her blood was dripping from her hands by the time she felt a blade press against her neck. She weakly darted her eyes towards the figure who held the blade, her lips pressing together tightly at his face.

"Well, Itachi," Anomie murmured as her hand scrapped against the bark of the tree as she attempted to continue standing. Instead, her strength gave out and she was left with the feeling of dirt and small rocks against her knees. "All this time it took to get me on my knees. Maybe you could take your time to enjoy it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Hanakotobi, we call the Sakuraso (桜草) or rather, Primrose, means desperate.


	31. Saboten

CHAPTER THIRTY   
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**THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS THAT ANOMIE MISSED IN KONOHA.** The people, however, were not one of them.

"I thought we were on the same side, little weasel," Anomie felt the blade rest against her neck. If Itachi truly wished it, she'd likely be dead. She was quite tired of being in between death, but it felt like it was happening much more often lately. Likely, this was her fault for being so _weak_.

A hot rage filled her chest, creating an upheaval of chaos in her heart. Itachi's next movements halted that chaos as he slightly winced and fell to his knees, clutching the shoulder that Anomie had effectively wounded.

"Ah, there's the poison. I was beginning to think you weren't human," she commented and he glanced at with a gaze that could only resemble loathing. "Don't give me that look. I dip all my blades in poison these days, but I happen to have the antidote as well. Just say the word and it's yours." Itachi was silent, causing Anomie's brows to furrow. "Is it pride or do you just not trust me?"

They were both curled to the ground, she was fighting exhaustion and the broken ribs that had been pulled apart when she incorrectly assembled her body. There were jagged cuts all over her body, some deeper than others, but all of them together with dripping blood was likely to make her faint in the close future. It also didn't help that there was just so much sand, and she could feel each and every grain in her wounds.

She reached in her bag that was strapped around her waist, pulling out a small corked bottle filled with a red liquid. "Just say please." Itachi didn't speak, causing her lips to twitch up for a split second. She handed him the bottle. "You can't die when we have so much to talk about."

"The only one close to dying right now is you," he answered, glancing over the cuts all over her body. "Where did you take us?"

"Us? Where is Kakashi?" she asked and Itachi shook his head.

"I was alone. Where did you take us," he repeated.

"A summoning gone wrong. This must be their domain," Anomie used her thighs to lift herself up, thankful that her hair covered the wince of just how much that action hurt.

"Did you not know that summoning scrolls often go poorly when untrained for it?" he asked, and Anomie knew by his tone that he wasn't mocking her so she wasn't annoyed.

"I was being attacked by two very skilled Shinobi of the leaf," she raised her hand over her chest, feigning hurt. "Excuse me if I panicked. Shouldn't you take care of that wound before you bleed out." He looked so reluctant that it was almost cute. "Don't worry, I'm not saying this to see skin. Maybe I'm worried."

Itachi leaned his back against the boulder with a sigh, stripping his shirt and revealing a deep wound, dripping with new blood that was just barely running like droplets over the old one. It was rather odd to feel guilty for her act of self-defense, but she still remembered a time when they had been comrades.

"You're after Orochimaru, correct?" she asked, reaching into her bag for her own medical kit.

"Killing you is not priority," Itachi replied, and her eyes ran down his smooth skin that contrasted the injury that was swelling with deep veins protruding from around the wound. She frowned, remembering the Jutsu aimed to kill her not much earlier. "But that doesn't mean we won't."

"Orochimaru is in hiding, far from Konoha," Anomie answered. "I am not about to be baited. I agreed to help Konoha with its coup problem, but that doesn't make us allies."

"Half-hearted support doesn't make any sense," Itachi replied, his dark eyes shadowing under his bangs.

She winced as she pealed up her shirt, finding her stomach was blue and black from the bruising of her broken rib. She was certain that Itachi could end her life if he wanted to, so she didn't want to seem like a threat.

"It's not half-hearted. I will full heartedly slaughter your Uchiha counsel. I will full heartedly take blame and live with that tarnished name. I will full heartedly do this for one reason," Anomie tilted her head to the side.

"Why?" he asked.

"Cause why the hell not?" she answered, causing him to frown.

"I don't know what Tsukasa is thinking," he stated, looking away. Obviously he had contempt for Anomie's way of speaking, but she had never been bothered by contempt. "We should probably leave this world...the sun is lowering and the heat is dropping too fast." Itachi's eyes were activated, staring far off as if he could see something she could not. "Do you have the summoning scroll?"

She pulled it out, opening it wide as her eyes darted over her name written in her blood. Itachi's face was blank when he leaned over to take a look at it, but the moment he touched it, his body disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Anomie blinked, glancing around for him but all she saw was sand and rocks. "You have got to be kidding me..." She looked back at the scroll, scanning each seal carefully, still feeling sick from the loss of blood. "Alright, you guys are hilarious. The funniest Ho'ou I have ever seen." The flapping of wings echoed all around her, and the sound was only matched with the cawing of their beaks.

"Only you are welcome here," one of the phoenixes echoed in her ears. "We are the shinanai tori. The birds who never die. We will only accept a summoner who can be revived from their own ashes."

"Human's don't spring from their own ashes," Anomie replied, pressing her hand against her collarbone and feeling the sticky blood slip in between her fingers.

The flapping wings grew faint, and their cawing began to sound like laughter. "Then give up and die here, human."

"I just might," she mumbled, her vision fading away and she slumped against the sand, her blurry vision narrowing in on the lowering sun. The heat that had been blistering before was less. Her body went numb.

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Anomie awoke to the stinging feeling of disinfectant against the sensitive cuts along her face. Her eyes cracked open, feeling the chill of the night slice into her flesh. It was strange how hot it had been when the sun was up, but now that it was down, she was shivering from the cold frost that turned her breath into a misty fog.

However, the cold wasn't the first thing she noticed, but rather the hand that was palming into her hair to hold up the back of her neck. Kakashi's single eye stared her down, his headband still covering his other one as if he was ashamed of it. Although, she had always found it to be rather beautiful.

Her heart clashed in her chest at that dangerous thought and she swept away the debris of her emotions. It was more challenging than she would have liked, as his fingers were so incredibly gentle as he began to treat her wound.

"What are you doing?" Her voice came out hoarse and without the conviction that she would have preferred.

"What does it look like?" he asked in return and she tried to keep the trembling at bay, blaming most on the cold but the rest she accounted for on the fact that his touch was just too warm and gentle.

How could someone like her even desire a man like this? What kind of fate is that? She doubted she could ever want another person in the same way she wanted him, but she crushed that desire in her palm with the weight of her own sins.

"You are yet again making a mistake," she whispered, feeling as he applied bandages to her cheek. When she had reassembled her body before, she knew, even as she became corporeal, that she had done it wrong. It didn't matter at the time, but blood loss had changed her opinion drastically.

"It's my mistake to make," he replied.

"The village will have repercussions for aiding me...again, or did you not let them know of that failure the last time?" As she spoke, his hands froze over her bloodied neck before he picked up the remains of his resolve and used a damp cloth to wipe away the dry blood.

"Stop talking, Koneko," he ordered and she slightly frowned, finding that she didn't much like when he called her that.

"I'll stop talking when you start listening, Kakashi the Friend Slayer," she slapped away his hand and sat up. He didn't look hurt by her nickname and instead his gaze remained empty. "Stop helping me. I'm not a baby bird with a broken wing. Stop caring about me. I'm not your friend. Just stop. It's getting embarrassing."

Her words hurt her more than him, and she knew it when he looked at her with his ever-present deadpan.

"I have stopped," he replied, and she felt her traitorous heart slightly pause. _Even after all this fucking time, I still want him._

"Then what are you doing," she asked, and he reached toward her to continued wiping away the blood, but she slapped his hand away again.

He let out a sigh as if she were being a child. "Do you think I am the type of person who could see someone so wounded and not help?"

His answer made her angry in the most ridiculous way possible. "If Orochimaru was in front of you, could you help him? He'd be wounded, defenseless and you wouldn't lift a finger to help him."

Kakashi's gaze was blank, "you are not Orochimaru."

Anomie paused with her eyes narrowed on him in slight contempt, "no. We are the same. You should have turned me in that day in Konoha. You should leave me here now."

Kakashi's brow rose, "do you want to die...Anomie?"

Her face turned impassive, all signs of contempt vanishing from her eyes. That wasn't it. She knew it the moment he spoke. That wasn't why she was rejecting his help. She just didn't want to come between his loyalty to the village and the warmth of his heart.

Of course, she also couldn't tell him that. Not after she worked so hard to convince him that there was no future for them. "Sometimes," she said instead, watching his eyes harden like stone.

He dropped medicine bag near her body, "then die, just don't make me watch."

But she barely heard him as her eyes were set on the medical kit with the stitched talisman of protection. It was simple and white and the characters were perfectly designed. Rin's hands had made such a thing. Anomie's fingers dusted over the bag, finding that the memory of Rin's kindness didn't make her sad. It was happy and she shadowed her eyes with her bangs grabbing the rag that Kakashi had dropped near her.

The cave they rested in was dim with barely any light if not for the gentle flickering fire that didn't do anything to take away the cold. She wiped away the blood from her arms, finding the long diagonal cuts embedded in her skin. They were sore and festering with more blood. She watched it pour over her lap without any signs of stopping it.

A hand snaked around her wrist, simultaneously bandaging her arm. She glanced up, meeting his stare and finding it wasn't empty but she couldn't read him anymore.

"Don't make me watch you die," he whispered and she stared for a long moment of hesitation before she placed her palm against his cheek. Her eyes ran over the stone like skin and the smooth cheeks and his grey eyes that Rin would talk for hours on end about and never get bored.

Anomie motioned to pull down his mask but his hand curled around her wrist, stopping her. She had no words for him. Words were poison and she never knew what kind of venom would spew off her tongue. She didn't want to poison him.

He must have known and maybe that was why he was so silent. Maybe it was also because she was covered in blood and she was close to the black void that awaited her when she was rendered unconscious.

That time was fast approaching and she soon found that his eyes had gone fuzzy. Her head slammed into his chest or maybe she was embraced into his chest; her body was too numb to tell. He smelled like vanilla and lavender and ink. He was warm in her arms.

And she loved every last piece of him.

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When she awoke it was raining. The droplets pelted against the outside of cave and the sound was deafening to her ears as she rolled over, nearly burning herself on the fire that crackled next to her.

Every last inch of her arms were covered in bandages that looked to be neatly wrapped. Judging by the tightness around her stomach, her ribs were also bandaged in place. Glancing to her left, she saw Kakashi leaning his back against the cave wall, farthest from her and the fire. In one hand rested an orange book.

She opened her lips to let out something undoubtedly cruel, but she stopped when she noticed a small white rice ball next to where her face had been. Her fingers hovered over it, finding her mind crowded with sweet memories of early mornings where she would sneak into his apartment and steal his food. No matter how inconvenient her presence had been to him, he had never told her to leave.

She felt her eyes slightly sting and she slapped her hand over them as coverage. Her own weakness sent tremors down her spine. She prayed for the tears to go away but she got nothing but humiliation clouding her judgment.

She felt a blanket go over her head before she could take a moment to open her eyes. The blanket covered her face and it smelled musty, but she felt Kakashi's hand on her head with only the blanket to stop the full contact of his skin.

"Your wounds are still healing. Tonight it is critical you stay warm if you want to recover," he whispered and judging by the vibration of his voice against her ear, she knew that he wasn't far from her.

The warm cloth created a barrier between his stare and her tears and she felt all of the suppressed pain at once. She felt the longing and the guilt. She felt the helplessness and the warmth of his touch. Her shoulders stayed steady and she worked hard not to make a noise as droplets flowed down her cheeks.

Kakashi was a good man. He was a kind man. He was rational and intelligent. Galavant and strong.

Anomie was not a good person. She was cold. She was a murderer and a whore. She had fucked a city of men and a handful of women. She had beaten men to death and bathed in blood.

And she still wanted more. She wanted power and she wanted money and she wanted fear. She wanted sex and she wanted love.

So no. She would take the affection she had for him and she would crush it until none of it was visible. She had no right to love him. Not after stabbing her fist through his flesh. Not after betraying him over and over again.

It didn't matter how much it hurt. It didn't matter even when she took the blanket off, the only sign she had cried was the glossy hue in her eyes.

It didn't matter so why couldn't she stop herself?

He stared down at her, not moving even when she placed her palm against his cheek. Not even when she used her other hand to run up his chest, not stopping until she reached his neck and his face. She took off the headband so she could stare at his eyes.

She wondered if he thought she was pulling some kind of mind game on him. Her fingers dug under the top of his mask and she slowly pulled it down. Her lips parted and her eyes darted between his lips and eyes.

He didn't stop her and his hand had snaked around to grip her waist. She leaned forward until her lips were hovering over his. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she forced herself away before she could do something she told herself was wrong.

His hands dropped from her waist and his eyes were blank as they stared at each other. "I can't give you anything. Not even a future," her mumbled answer made his eyes slightly narrow.

"I don't care about the future. Stop telling me how I should feel," he mumbled, moving forward and slamming his lips against hers.

And she wanted time to stop. His kiss wasn't nearly as skilled as some of the men who had kissed her, and it wasn't even as gentle as even Genma had been that night so long ago. Nevertheless, if she didn't have to come back up for air, she doubted she ever wound. Anomie felt his hands snake onto her cheeks and into her hair, holding onto the back of her neck as his other one gripped her waist. She felt her ribs burning as he leaned closer, and only then did he break away, his eyes searching for any sign of discomfort.

Her lips were cold and the longing in her heart felt far worse than the pain of her injuries. Instead of that, she flickered her bones into smoke, attempting with some her remaining strength, to reorganize them in order to make the pain bearable. Her stomach was numb, filled only with the desire of his touch and she gripped his vest, forcing him closer.

It hurt, but the longing and repressed desire hurt more. He was gentle this time, careful not to place his weight against her as his hand positioned himself near her head so he wouldn't crush her. Somehow, she felt smaller underneath him and it was humiliating to be so limited on movement that she couldn't touch him how she wanted.

He rested his forehead in her neck and she was just barely able to hear the soft breathing from above her.

_How doomed this kiss was for a couple who had no future._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was named Saboten サボテン after the cactus flower. It means lust/sex in Japanese.


	32. Ēderuwaisu

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE  
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–•–

**THE SUN WAS STILL IN SLUMBER WHEN ANOMIE AWOKE.** Kakashi's back was to her and her eyes focused on his broad shoulders and the way the material of his jacket remained in tact with the tiniest wrinkles from where he laid. She found the action of reaching towards him to touch his shoulder to be much too difficult. Instead, she reached into her bag and pulled out a summoning scroll. It was such a simple item, but she knew a single touch would send him back to that forest where Itachi was likely waiting for him.

When she went to grab his hand, his body disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The actual Kakashi made himself known as he walked into the cave, book in hand. She glanced towards him, slightly ashamed that she couldn't tell he had been a mere clone. "If you don't trust me, then just say so," Anomie stated with a cold bat of her lashes.

Kakashi sat next to the fire, his skeptical gaze lingering on her for a moment longer, "I don't trust you."

"I'm only trying to send you back. Are you not home-sick?" she said and when Anomie stood, the bags under her eyes became more apparent.

"You misunderstand—nothing has changed and I won't leave without fulfilling my mission," he replied and Anomie chuckled, her disheveled hair bobbing over her shoulders. She wanted to touch him when he spoke. Her fingers spoke for her when they twitched and fisted the material of the blanket.

"Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you?" she asked and Kakashi frowned.

"Don't play games with me, Anomie," he commented.

Her smile disappeared and he saw her face go blank. "You know you want to kiss me. Who is playing the games here?"

He let out a sigh, "you are exhausting."

"How long have you pined for me Kakashi? Be honest. Is Orochimaru's location what you actually want cause I could make some rather juicy fantasies come true," she slipped her shoulder from her top, leaning forward as her white hair scattered over her skin. "I heal incredibly fast, you can thank Hashirama's Chakra infusions for that."

Anomie hadn't meant to admit to that, and she saw Kakashi's eyes slightly widen as the wheels in his brain began to put together what she said.

"You were one of Orochimaru's experimentations," he commented and she felt her lips form into a tepid frown. He had asked her if she had been in contact with Orochimaru in the past, before her life came crashing down. When she told him she had nothing to do with any experiments or theories about her Chakra she had, of course, lied.

"I am offering you what you wanted," she replied. "Is Orochimaru really taking up your mind? Careful Kakashi, I am starting to get jealous."

"What ever happened to killing everyone I loved?"

"Whatever happened to 'I would never read filth'?" she replied smoothly.

"Be serious," he replied.

"I'm 100 percent serious, Kakashi," the way she said his name made him have to actively fight the shiver from going down his spine. It was soft like velvet and it sounded oddly seductive.

He didn't answer her and she struggled to hold in just how many things she wanted to say. Anomie had never been good with communication, so the extent of what she was feeling for him was likely to never be revealed.

"At least sit next to me for a few more minutes before we both come to our senses and the day is ruined," she said with a small smile, sitting down next to him.

"Do you will think Rin would have wanted this for you. You think she wouldn't want you to be happy?" His question broke the mood she was trying to create and it all went cold around them. She placed her head against her knees and just stared him down. He noticed her eyes were a bit more cat like than he remembered.

"It doesn't matter what she would have wanted. Rin is dead. Nothing but her ashes is left," Anomie's eyes were too cold when she spoke so monotone about the girl she would have once died to protect.

No. They were narrowed and resembled a cobra. She wasn't Koneko anymore. Perhaps she never was the kitten in the distance, but rather the snake in a thicket of leaves ready with poison on its fangs.

"Do you think you can make me happy, Kakashi?" she asked and he frowned, thankful for his mask for hiding emotions he would have never been able to conceal from her.

"I don't know what would make you happy, Anomie," he replied with a slight hesitation. It didn't matter how much he tried. He would never be able to bridge the gap that she had created between them. "But I don't think it's me."

That wasn't what she wanted him to say. She wanted him to love her as much as he claimed he had in Konoha, that day so long ago. Her fingers tightened into fists. _Ah, there really is no going back._

She felt silenced by her own mistake. Why had she done any of it? Again, she knew there was nothing to be done about it now.

"Have you realized the useless feelings you hold?" she asked and he wanted her to be silent for just one more minute.

As if it were so easy to stop loving someone. He couldn't even if he wanted to, and this time around he truly wanted to. He tried. He tried to hate her the day she sliced open that Anbu ninja's throat from ear to ear. He tried the day Jiraiya had given him back that charm of protection and told him it was okay to call her a friend. He tried the day she mocked him and told him that she was in Konoha.

He tried when he found the broken bodies of Naruto and Sakura, two children not even Genin. Or when she stabbed her palm through his side as if they never knew each other.

He tried every second of every day without any hope or chance.

To be honest, he was done trying. Everything made him love her more and it was foolish and stupid but since when was love rational or poise. All he wanted was to protect her and make her smile. He wanted to cut all that bullshit and just be with her. He would leave the village if she asked. They could live somewhere, far and away, and he could try every day to make her as happy as she made him.

She knew—even if he didn't—that she could never make him happy. She could never make him smile or give him children. She could never lie down next to him and touch him with her filthy hands. She could never love him the same way he claimed to love her. His love was loyal and innocent and clean. It was beautiful and warm.

She was in love with his perception of love, maybe not necessarily him. Maybe people like her weren't made to love. Maybe there was something broken inside her, a wire crossed, a piece missing, parts backwards. Maybe that would explain why everything felt so wrong and incomplete. Maybe people like her weren't meant to love all the way. Much like a dying tree, stricken with disease, her insides would rot long before her beauty. Much like a tree that must continue to produce sound wood on the outside to hide the death and decay on the inside.

Her grip on the scroll grew tighter. She controlled that disgusting expression that wanted control over her face.

"Iwagakure..." Anomie whispered, feeling annoyance run up her spine. "I hear Orochimaru has been spending a lot of time amongst the Tomohiko tribe west of here. He does like to move around a lot so I hope to catch up to him soon."

Kakashi froze at the lighthearted and traitorous words that spewed from her lips.

_I won't let you betray your village for me_ _,_ _Kakashi._

"What are you doing?" he asked, and she stood up, facing him with a slight smile. Her hands were trembling so she hid them behind her back to hide them.

"Call it a goodbye gift," she said with a brighter smile.

"Goodbye...?" His voice was a soft whisper.

"This is it Kakashi. One day you are going to be a hero to Konoha. If you stay by my side you might become a villain."

He stood, facing her with a slightly narrowed eye. "Can you stop deciding everything by yourself."

She wanted cry but doing so would be pathetic and weak and if this was to be the last time she saw him, she'd be damned if he saw how weak she could get. It wasn't like she was wrong. Everything she touches became rubble and ash. She could never hold onto something beautiful and not taint it. Her body was the prime example of such taint.

"Goodbye Kakashi," she faced him head on and gripped each side of his flak jacket and pulled his face closer so she could rest her lips against his cheek. He smelt like vanilla and lavender and ink and all those scents strictly him.

She opened the summoning scroll and pressed his hand against it. He disappeared from her lips like smoke, leaving nothing to rise from the ashes. The fire that had been crackling and warm enough to last the night was burnt out and she stayed there, covered in bandages until the last flare was put out.

"You are wasting our precious time, child of smoke," the voice of the Phoenix rang all around her.

"What do I need to do to get your power?"

"Are you certain you are ready? There is no going back," the Phoenix whispered, coercing Anomie forward towards the cave exit.

"I have nothing to go back to," she said and she heard their laughter.

"Very true, child of smoke," the Phoenix said and in moments the entrance of the cave went up in a wall of fire. It blazed so hot, and yet it burned black.

Anomie had never seen a black flame before, and the fire seemed to burn apart the rain itself. She could feel it against her skin, even from her great distance from the flames.

"Do you plan to kill me," Anomie asked, holding her hand near the flames. The voice of the Phoenix was silent.

"Walk through it, Child of Smoke," the way the bird said her new branding was far more forceful and she could feel its sting up her spine.

She didn't think about it. She didn't turn her body to smoke. She just walked through the flames like it was nothing.

She didn't necessarily believe she'd burn to death. She didn't believe anything. They told her to walk and she did. She felt nothing but the euphoria and the blackness of feathers surrounding her.

And then she heard them, "power comes hand in hand with pain."

"So does everything," and then the moment she spoke, she felt her body erupt in fire that burned so bright she felt her blood boil and the acid in her stomach sizzle through her skin.

She liked to believe she was never one to scream, but her lungs erupted in that noise for what felt like days as her body collapsed into ashes.

And an eternity later, she arose from the ashes.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

She felt reborn when she returned, finding the world around her wasn't much different from when she left. She sat, perched on that tree, finding that some of the water droplets that had come from Kakashi's Jutsu were still apparent.

How long had she been gone? Even her blood against the tree branches was still wet. Apart from the fires that she burned, touching everything felt cold. The world itself was cold.

She stood, brushing back strands of stray hair, the naked feel of her skin brought her back from euphoria. It looked like, indeed, the fires the Phoenixes subjected her to had torched her clothes. She reached over to the seals that settled up and down her arms, only to find that they were nowhere in sight.

"You have got to be kidding me," Anomie whispered, finding that all her sealing marks had been, quite literally, burned off. Her skin felt brand new and everything felt odd. She glanced at the seal on the base of her wrist, finding that of all of them, that one stayed in place. The Chakra of it was infused in her bloodstream. She felt a moment of pure thankfulness, knowing she could never live long without Jiraiya's mark.

She jumped to the ground, finding the thorns and rough grass to be a lot more uncomfortable without the presence of shoes. She stood, allowing her body to straighten before she turned into smoke.

Oddly enough, she did it as easily as breathing. She didn't feel her Chakra struggle to keep up with her nor her life force start to shake.

She felt brand new.

As if she had been reborn from ashes.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kimimar was inpatient. Perhaps it was worry that coursed through his mind as he glanced over at Karin with a look of apprehension. He wasn't certain how long he should wait for her, and he had hardly been in a situation where he had to be wait for her to come back.

Was he worried? He realized with stern disillusionment that _yes_. He was quite distraught and he couldn't get his hands to steady. Around that same time, Karin's eyes cracked open and her body snapped up as it she had just seen a ghost. Those same beady eyes darted over to him and her lips gave way to a childlike scream that made his eye twitch.

"Can you not?" His voice came out far more calm than he thought it could, especially considering his heart was beating out through his chest.

"I'll scream however much I like thank you," she cried out, moving backwards and crawling away. He vaguely wondered how she must be feeling, being all alone in this world now that he and Anomie effectively slaughtered all her friends.

"You would think you would be far more grateful, considering I didn't leave you on the ground," he commented and she glanced up, wiping away the small tears that crowded through her eye ducts.

"Where's the scary girl...with white hair," Karin asked slowly, narrowly missing his scowl.

"Anomie isn't scary," he commented, and his voice came out far more defensive than he would have liked. "If anything it's your fault for being so weak."

"I am not weak!" Karin rose to her feet with her tears halting in anger as Kimimaro felt a rush of annoyance that he was letting himself get sucked into such an emotional argument with a girl.

He was certain that Anomie would never let emotions cloud her judgment. The dejection of that thought filled him with a cloud of anger. He needed to grow up already.

He lifted his hand, flatting his palm so it pointed straight out to her. The white of his bone pierced through his hand and flew through his skin. Karin screamed while she flinched as the bolt shaped bone punctured the tree bark next to her face.

"Look at that...I missed," Kimimaro whispered out and Karin shivered out her surprise.

"Why are you doing this?" Karin asked, furrowing her red colored brows.

"Don't worry. He just gets pissy when I'm not around," Anomie said, her lower half of her body misted in a hue of smoke.

"I don't get pissy," Kimimaro muttered, fighting back his embarrassment by his shameful actions towards a noisy girl.

"Kimimaro, could I perhaps use that sealing scroll I had you hold onto for me," she said, her voice soft and buttery. Kimimaro didn't ask why and only handed her the scroll. Her body became corporeal once more, revealing her naked. "Lovely."

Kimimaro's eyes traced up and down her arms, finding them lacking the seals and the Anbu mark that had once resided on her skin.

"What happened?" he asked as she poured a trickle of her Chakra into the scroll, revealing a set of clothes. It was nothing too fancy, mostly because as Anomie had never expected to need it. After all, who could foresee that her seals would become burned off from her bones.

"Complications with a summoning animal," she answered, glancing up with a smile as she pushed her arms through her long sleeved top. "But don't worry, I took care of it."

"Your Chakra..." Kimimaro had always noticed the slight decrease in Anomie's Chakra as days went by, and if he wasn't always with her and he didn't watch her so intently...he likely would have missed it. Her Chakra was steady and vibrant, if not too vibrant. It seeped from her pores and felt odd, like the way a summoning animal felt, like pure Chakra, unconfined.

"I told you," Anomie's smile was as bright as her Chakra. "I took care of it."

"And the enemies?" he asked in a slight muse.

"Dealt with accordingly," she answered and he didn't like that she was vague. However, she had never given him reason to mistrust her, so he only nodded.

"What shall we do with that?" Kimimaro glanced over his shoulder towards Karin Uzumaki, who had frozen in fear at Anomie's presence. The girls's face had paled considerably even when Anomie was being civil, and Kimimaro couldn't imagine what would happen if she decided to be more...well.

"Has it been noisy?" Anomie asked, glancing at the child with a closed cresent smile.

"Only as much as you'd expect," Kimimaro said slowly, finding Anomie was a lot more...smiley than usual. It was odd, as most people who smiled a lot gave off warmth and kindness, but Anomie did not. Her smile seemed amused, but not happy. "We have to go."

"Oh I'm not going with you, Kimimaro," she said, nonchalantly.

"Why is that?" he didn't want to believe that she'd just abandon her mission to take Karin back to the base in the sound, but with the way she was acting it was difficult to know where she would turn.

"I'm going west," she said with amusement, walking over to Karin and kneeling down. The leather of her top squeaking as she did. She pulled out a flower that she had found on the ground the way there. It was beautiful and it likely would have made Anomie cry in the past. "It's a Hēza flower remember."

"I know what it is," Karin snapped.

"Of course you do," she said with that same smile. "It means protection, but things like this, trinkets and charms, they don't protect anyone. See, Kimimaro over there is better than any charm. If you behave, he will protect you instead."

"If I don't?" Karin asked, finding her hands had started to shake.

"Protection is a double edged sword," Anomie dropped the flower on the ground. "It can cut into the one your trying to keep safe."

"Are you going to kill me?" Karin asked, glancing between the two Shinobi as her eyes filled with tears.

"No. Blood is much more precious when it's still warm," Anomie said with a light chuckle, glancing over to Kimimaro.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Orochimaru promised me something," she replied, holding her palm over her neck. "I'm going to collect."

_Before he finds out I've done something unforgivable._

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie felt something she hadn't felt in so long that the force of the emotion nearly made her stumble as she saw Orochimaru's face. _Nervous?_

It wasn't the time to get nervous now that Kakashi and Itachi were likely planning to destroy this hideout. She had no doubt that Orochimaru would escape, but at what cost to his...projects, and he was not one to forgive abandoning yet another experiment.

_Of course, he would either suspect me or Kimimaro for the reveal as who else knew about this base._

"Aren't you quick to kneel," Orochimaru chuckled as Anomie bowed her head.

"I've just been on long and annoying mission," Anomie responded promptly. "I am in no mood to uphold dignity."

"And the Uzumaki child?" he asked, although he didn't sound that interested.

"With Kimimaro, heading towards the north base," Anomie said.

"And why aren't you with them?" Orochimaru asked.

"I was ambushed not to long ago, and I could not win. Even at full power, I do not know if I could ever win," Anomie found this hard to admit, but Kakashi was so much stronger and faster and even smarter than her. He knew battle strategies that she had never had the chance to think of, and she knew that much within the short time she had been in Anbu with him.

Itachi was ferocious and his Jutsu skills were flawless. She knew he practiced everyday, much like she did, but he had his eyes as advantage. That was a blood advantage that she never had.

The only thing that made her special was the ability to suppress her emotions and run away. No. She needed more than that if she was to live on.

She didn't need it...but the ugly truth was that she wanted it and he had it. "I don't care that the Jutsu is experimental or dangerous. My body can break or bend in every direction if you want."

Orochimaru was oddly serious when he stared down at the girl waltzing towards her death. "And what is it that you really want?"

"I want to be strong. Wherever that strength may come from I don't care," Anomie moved her hair from her neck, revealing her pale and slender skin, so unprotected and undamaged. It was the benefit of being reborn. Even the tattoo of an oiran was washed away clean. "My body is yours, to do with as you will."

"You might die, surely you know the risks," he warned. 

"When you offered it to me the first time, I might have hesitated, but I have nothing to live for if I'm not strong," she said, her vibrant bright eyes staring straight through him as if he were as transparent as glass.

Orochimaru's lips curled into a smirk. He doubted this girl ever saw anything past her own greed. She was like a puppet in his hands. His teeth resembled the fangs of a snake as they pierced into her neck.

She winced, feeling his fingers dig into her upper arms, bruising her skin as his Chakra molded into her skin.

This was okay. She had to take the power of a devil to crawl out from the claws of a monster, even if that monster was herself.


	33. Hinagiku

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO  
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–•–

**WHEN I WAS SIX, THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS THAT I WANTED TO DIE, BUT EVEN** then, death was reluctant to take me. I thought I was going to die. I was rendered unconscious in this abysmal nothingness, surrounded by the black walls, burning around me. The shōji doors were red with the flames as the flower petals erupted in red.

It had been so long since I tried to fight back the smoke from filling my lungs. Ever since I mastered the Iburi bloodline, smoke and fire and stopped effecting me as all I ever had to do was turn these weak lungs and rotting skin into smoke.

Never before had I been so useless in the only ability I had been good at and no matter how hard I tried, my body would not listen. Very simply, I could not move and I could not regulate my Chakra.

"You stupid bitch," the voice was oddly familiar and through the burning shōji doors I saw the form of a woman. She was beautiful, dressed in a fine pink kimono that was ripped to shreds around her body. Her black hair was loose from the pins that kept them contained and on top of her was a ninja, a Shinobi from Kumo.

With that dread I felt my lungs shake more than the smoke could ever make them quiver.

"Kumo has taken everything from me..." Ohashi's voice was weak as the ninja's hands gripped around her throat. "You will not take the Land of Fire too...no matter what the council has decided."

"You are nothing more than a whore," the Shinobi's voice was cold and I could see my own body, white hair and silk kimono tattered with blood dripping from my shoulder. Ohashi likely would have gotten me killed that night.

"And you're nothing more than a coward, wounded by a whore," Ohashi had always been strong, even after the loss of her child and the rape.

If I had been given more time with her, maybe some events would have turned out different.

I watched the flashback, for the memory was a cold remainder of the worst night of my life. A part of me wanted to say that the night Rin died was the worst, but it hadn't been. It was the cold nights alone that came after that were worse than her actual death. It was the memory of her smile or the haunting echo of her laughter.

But Ohashi's death and the night I was raped until I was dripping with blood among other things. That was worse.

I watched my past self stagger up, unnoticed by the ninja who had began to rape Ohashi's slowly dying body. That girl who was no longer me slammed a glass teapot against his head so hard that it shattered upon impact.

If this girl was me as I am now, she wouldn't have stopped until his eyes had popped from his head and his skull caved. Even then, I doubt I would stop until his bones could no longer be told apart from his blood.

"Ohashi," that girl who wasn't me said, the weakness was clear in her voice. "You're okay."

"I'm sorry," the woman whispered, her stomach was bloody from the stab of the man's katana and I saw myself cup Ohashi's face, wiping the blood off her lips. "I didn't want you to be involved."

"Why were you involved? Who cares about Konoha," I saw Anomie say, and found it very nostalgic watching myself speak.

"A man I loved once lived in Konoha," Ohashi's voice was weak and everything about this memory was weak. To this day, I still hated the weakness of it all.

"Don't speak," Anomie whispered, trying to get a good look at the wound past all the blood. "Just don't speak."

"He died in this war...but I loved him..." Ohashi didn't usually tell me this type of thing, so hearing her speak so freely was a surprise back then. Now that I knew how people were in their last moments, it was nothing to be surprised about as her memories went around in repeat. "His son lives in Konoha...I want him to be safe...I want him to live and love and prosper..." for once, as Ohashi spoke, she looked the girl who was once me in the eye. Looking at it now, I think this is the first time she actually saw me. "Please take it...keep it safe...please keep it safe..."

"You idiot," hearing the broken sound of my own voice was annoying as she took the scroll that rested near Ohashi's head. She spared one glance towards the fallen ninja, before she clutched her bleeding shoulder and left the Yūkaku house.

"How annoying," I muttered, watching the room go black. Of course it did. These were my memories, and I can't remember what I didn't see.

Immediately the blackness flickered with colors and the trees outlined the power of the Kyuubi being controlled. Of course, my eyes were set on Saru who was gurgling his last breath as the masked man's arm impaled my chest. Unlike before, I wasn't watching this happen. Instead I could taste the metallic red in my mouth and I could feel a foreign hand through my chest.

"There it is, my next weakest moment," I muttered out, finding that the pain was nearly too much to bear. The memory of it was just as bad as a real flesh wound and I felt fear erupt in my chest as my body dematerialized into smoke.

Moments later the pain was gone and the memory changed, each one with me reliving my weakest moment until only a single voice could wake me from this slumber.

_"What do you want?"_ Orochimaru's voice was a lament in the wind as the memory changed and I was staring at him and an younger version of myself facing him.

"Power. I've always wanted power," _without it I was nothing. Broken, weak, humiliated, raped, hated._

"If you want power so much then why are you still here?"

That wasn't in my memories. That was new.

"The longer you sleep, the farther it will go," the voice said again and my hands reached forward, clutching onto Orochimaru's arms and pulling him closer.

"What must I do?" I asked, finding his voice so far and yet his body was so close.

"Earn it," he said in return and my body burned like fire until it was erupting out from my mouth.

I didn't care who died or who was hurt in the process. I didn't care who I killed anymore. I just didn't care about anything. I just wanted to be strong and maybe that way, whatever part that detached itself from inside me, whatever decay that had transformed my innards, whatever wrong...all of it would fix itself.

That's all I wanted.

"You're not the person you're trying to be, and your sure as hell are not a murderer," Genma's voice drifted to me next.

"You're wrong," I whispered. "You've always been wrong."

"This is what happens when pretend to be the bad guy, people misunderstand your actions," Kakashi's voice came next, swaying me away from the power that I was so close to obtaining.

"I am not a good person," I fell to my knees, Orochimaru was silent in front of me.

"Fuyu-chan, aren't you being a little too sentimental," he said, but his eyes narrowed and in the next minute his face was replaced by one I knew all to well.

"You say you want power, An-chan," Rin's voice was just as I remembered it. It was soft and kind, but immediately her eyes narrowed like a mother waiting to scold. "But that isn't what you want, is it? No one only wants power. Power is infinite and it is an insatiable hunger that can never fill. The Anomie I know would never desire something so abstract."

When she spoke, I felt like a child being taught a lesson. It wasn't really Rin, and I knew that, but it felt like her right down to the sparkle in her eye and the way her gums would show when she smiled.

"What do you hope to obtain with so much power? You say it's because you don't want to be beaten or raped or humiliated," Rin's eyes nearly twinkled as her lips settled in a coy smile. "But that's not it, is it, An-chan?"

She was right... "I want a family...you, Obito, Kakashi, Ohashi... everyone...Saru...Jiraiya..." that was it...but no power I could ever obtain would bring back what was dead and what was broken.

Rin had stopped smiling, and her eyes were slanted in dismay. "You want power to bring me back from the dead? No, that kind of unattainable goal isn't yours either. What is it that you want?"

"I want to redeem myself..."

"And why do you need more strength to do that?"

"At this rate, my life is funneling out. Even the Ho'ou can't change that...and resilience doesn't mean strength."

"How long do you plan on fighting?"

"Until I am forgiven..."

"Forgiven by who?"

Perhaps I always knew why I strived for Orochimaru's offers of power. "Forgiven by me."

"And yet you continue to succumb to your own darkness," Rin scolded.

"I answered your questions, now give me what I want," I reached out my hands, cupping her cheek and finding her skin was just as soft as I remembered. "Please."

"That's all you had to say. You take what you earn," Rin's lips began to turn thin and and curved with fangs protruding out like a cobra. Her eyes slanted yellow and before I realized she had turned into Orochimaru, his teeth had already sunk into my neck.

"Say the word and it's yours, Fuyu-chan," his voice slithered out as the curse mark began to bubble over the pale skin of my neck.

" _Please_ ," and my eyes snapped open wide, finding myself in the tightly contained box that almost immediately shattered upon the intensity of the Chakra that poured out of me.

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"She actually survived," Anomie heard someone say just before she fell to the ground, unable to move.

It felt like she had died and awoke with new eyes. Nothing was brighter and nothing was too different or warm. She still felt cold and ground was covered in splitters as if the wood of a crate had exploded. Her eyes snapped up to Kabuto, "did you put me in a box."

"I didn't, I was just watching to make sure you made it out alive," Kabuto never looked too happy when he had to speak to her and her lips curled into a smile, but the Chakra that was pouring out of her veins was almost too much to contain.

"You sound disappointed," she commented in return, her fingers itching for a fight as she stood up. Her legs shook and her hair stood on end. She wanted to rip him apart and it surprised her at the amount of bloodlust that coursed through her veins. She didn't mind killing, but never before did she desperately want to kill.

"I am very disappointed," he agreed, walking closer until he rose his hand near her, his fingers brushing against her cheek and his palm pressing against her forehead to check for heat.

"Am I a test subject?" she asked as he grabbed her wrist, checking her pulse.

"You're the first one to survive the transformation," he said in return. "Looks like you should be thankful I suggested the extra seals on the heaven's gate." Anomie glanced towards the pieces of wood that apparently saved her life.

"For someone who can't stand me, you went through a lot of trouble," she replied with a glance into his annoyed eyes as his fingers wrapped around her wrist and examined her pulse. This fourteen year old boy always looked so serious in all his actions and she almost found it comical to watch.

"Knowledge is never easily obtained," he said, feeling her pulse for a couple more seconds.

"Your parents obviously forgot to teach you respect for your elders," she said and she watched his eyes flash with annoyance. "I know that look. Don't tell me you're an orphan?"

She knew it was a low blow for a fourteen year old who wasn't quite placid to the ninja life of dead parents and fighting. Kabuto didn't give her an answer and merely took notes on her current status, giving her small prompts like "mold your Chakra," or "Go to hell."

"Where is this?" she asked after a moment of silence, finally noticing that the hideout wasn't that of where they had been before. It was cold and damp like a cave.

"Konoha attacked the base while you were comotose," Kabuto muttered, examining her curse mark that rested on her neck. She jumped slightly when he touched it, not expecting it to sting so violently. "We had to move you."

"And Orochimaru?" Anomie asked slowly, nearly curious if maybe he died but she knew that it would never be so easy.

"Livid but rebuilding," Kabuto said, and Anomie cursed that she was relieved. "Are you able to activate the mark?"

She pressed her hand against the seal over her neck. It took everything she had to not activate it now. It was like a dam trying to calm the storm of the river. One wrong move would shatter that barrier and fill her body with an ocean of Chakra and she could feel it flooding her Chakra coils.

"Do you want me to?" she asked and he immediately saw the bloodlust in her eyes.

"Perhaps not now," he said slowly, placing a small bandage around her neck, covering the marking.

She knew it, the moment she awoke with this power, that she could never have survived the transition without the aid of the Ho'ou restoring her life force and her Chakra.

But it wasn't enough.

Maybe it wasn't power that she wanted at all, and this hunger was for something else. Her hallucination had told her as much, and even in the inner workings of her mind she didn't have a clue what she really wanted.

All she knew was that this wasn't enough. 

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

It was mid September when Tsukasa came to her in what almost felt like a dream. The feeling of being summoned was unpleasant and it felt like her body was being sucked into a very small hole. What was worse was that she was just getting out of the shower.

Tsukasa tilted her head, her fingers brushing the back of a small cat. Anomie looked down at her lack of clothes, simultaneously letting down her hair from the bun on top of her head. Her hair fell over her breasts, down past her hips, reminding her that she should cut it.

"It's time for the clan leaders to be killed," Tsukasa said, and Anomie found herself immediately exasperated by her tone.

"Now?" Anomie asked and Tsukasa's lips slowly quirked up.

"If you are ready, but I highly doubt you are," Tsukasa replied instead.

"It's really hot here, if I wasn't already naked then I probably would be," Anomie rolled her eyes, wishing for the seals on her arms once more.

A small cat jumped on Tsukasa's lap, and it was a very strange contrast to see as Tsukasa was so serious and the cats were obviously not. It was the next moment Anomie saw the giant tiger resting up the mountain. It raised its head and yawned before going back to sleep.

"They like sleeping in the sun," she announced with a smile.

"I was not expecting cats to be your summon," Anomie admitted with a smile.

"Did you not? Cats are nimble, quick, and can move silently and unseen," Tsukasa stated, petting the cat underneath its ear.

Anomie's eyes ran to the giant tiger that looked big enough to open its jaw and swallow her head. "Even him?"

Tsukasa's eye ran to the corner before meeting Anomie's gaze. "No, not him, but there's no need to be unseen when he can rip your neck out instead."

Anomie whistled, "you wouldn't happen to have a towel?" As she spoke, she kicked one of the kittens away from her leg.

"Unfortunately not," Tsukasa didn't look even a little amused as she pulled out a scroll. She bit into her thumb, smearing her blood across the paper, and in moments, words and pictures appeared in order. Anomie knelt down staring down at the scroll.

"Are these the targets?" she asked, running her fingers over the faces of the men and women marked for death.

"There is a clan meeting, and according to Itachi they will be moving onto stage two of the coop," Tsukasa's voice was soft and she shook her head. "I am so disappointed it has come to this..."

"Was there ever any other way?" Anomie asked Tsukasa raised her eye and she saw a moment of desperation and sadness.

"There was always another way, but not anymore," she commented in return.

"Tragic," Anomie said in a monotone.

"Do you enjoy killing?" Tsukasa asked after a moment, and Anomie titled her head to the side.

"I don't know," she said. "Do you?"

"Sometimes," Tsukasa replied.

Anomie grabbed the scroll, staring at the names and information about each of the men. Whose names rang together in a muse. She stared at their ranks, finding most were Jounin. There were at least 48.

"After this, how many Uchiha will be left?" Anomie said with a tilt of her head.

"Do you even care?" Tsukasa didn't sound happy with Anomie's question, but Anomie had quite a knack for asking questions that could penetrate even the toughest of shells.

"Not particularly," Anomie said. "Why me? Really? Cut out the bullshit."

"Orochimaru is Konoha's most dangerous enemy produced in its walls. His name alone still causes fear throughout so many people," Tsukasa said with a frown. "You are the only known supporter for him so unfortunately you are seen as quite the villian, Koneko."

"I see," Anomie wondered if it was even possible to escape Orochimaru shadow. It loomed over her own and she nearly forgot who she was under his thumb.

"The point of this massacre is to get the Uchiha anger off of the village, so we have to bring both together under a mutual enemy," Tsukasa said with a shrug. "That's you and Orochimaru."

They both knew what that meant...if she did this then any chance of redeeming her name was over. She'd be submerged in the bog and there's no coming back.

"Is it certain that doing this will stop the coup," Anomie asked and Tsukasa shook her head.

"Itachi will likely become the clan leader after this. Say what you want about the Uchiha but they are loyal. They will follow him so long as his name is clear of all suspicion."

"Just tell me when and where," Anomie asked, and Tsukasa smiled.

"Why are you helping?" she asked and Anomie ran her hand through her hair.

"You want the truth?" Anomie asked and Tsukasa went silent. "The war took everything from me. Kumo and Kiri are just waiting for a reason to exploit Konoha's weakness. A coup will be that weakness and when three villages engage in fighting, it won't be long before Iwa and Suna will follow suit."

"That's the first genuine thing you have ever said to me," Tsukasa's brows furrowed together and the patch over her eye slightly crinkled.

"When and where."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 雛菊 (Hinagiku)also called daisy - It means faith.


	34. Hyakunichisou

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE  
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–•–

**ANOMIE HAD GOTTEN HER FIRST TATTOO, MARKED UPON HER SKIN ON A DARK** night where the clouds had filled the sky with thunder. It had been soon after being sold, soon after being raped, and just before her first client requested her immediately, that they had branded her with the mark. It was a rare occurrence, for usually new courtesans were trained to become pleasure slaves. However, her first client had influence and status, and he had been the one to sell her in the first place. His claim was stronger than her tears, so at that young age, she had been forced to bite down on a strap of leather as the Mistress of the house had branded her with ink. It was a smaller pleasure house, poor, and not nearly as proper as the one she would later join to watch Ohashi die. That being said, her first brand had stung so greatly, that she could still sometimes taste the strap of leather in her mouth, begin to soak with blood for she had bitten down too hard.

"How did all the seals just up and disappear," came Nobu's voice as he used the bamboo needle, dipped in ink, and continued to crest the last of Anomie's twelve seals up and down her arms. His fingers always touched her shoulder a tad too long and a moment too gentle, but she didn't have any complaints to his loose caresses of her body.

Anomie didn't answer his question, watching him lean back after finishing the last seal. The pain of all the tattoos coursed through her skin, and she could only imagine how they would all feel when she pulsed her Chakra to activate them. She didn't have the time to wait. It had to be now.

She glanced down at her shoulder, seeing the once unchanged anbu mark was nowhere to be seen. She'd never get it back. The mark was just ink and pain, but it represented the only time in her life when she felt her life had purpose. It represented the only time when she didn't question her every action as right or wrong.

How odd that in a blink of an eye, that safety net would be taken away, never to return.

She thought about asking for it again, so she could remember who she had once been. She had the same thoughts about the mark of the Oiran that once resided in the back of her neck.

But it was for the best that they were gone. There was no future if she constantly looked towards the past. For now, she just had to forget all of that so she could live. After all, flowers don't second guess themselves before they bloom. Her petals were withered, but she had to believe that eventually, she could stand up tall.

"You have that look in your eyes," Nobu's voice cast her out of her stupor. She turned towards him, finding his face rather close.

"What look?" Anomie asked in a monotone, watching his eyes linger on her lips.

"Like you're walking to your death," he commented with a growing frown.

"What do you care?" Anomie asked, shaking her head.

"If you want honesty, it's mostly cause you're incredibly beautiful," Nobu said and her lips curled downward. "But you probably get that a lot."

"It happens to be my one good quality," she said, leaning over and brushing her fingers against his cheek. "Do you want me?"

"I'm married..."

"That wasn't my question," most of the men she slept with had been married. "Do you want me?" She didn't even really need his verbal answer to know his mind, but she'd also never touch someone without their consent. He nodded his head and she leaned forward, embracing his body and getting a feel of his lips.

He was more skilled with his hands than Kakashi had been, but her heart didn't skip or pound or so much a quiver. She might as well have been kissing her own reflection, as both were cold and meaningless.

She broke away, annoyed that all she saw was Kakashi's face. Their bond was days away from snapping completely.

Nobu's hands gripped the sides of her cheeks, pressing her back against the tattoo bed. She let him do what he wanted, and he filled a tiny void in her heart with his own earnest desire.

"I love your body," he would whisper, careful to stay away from the bandages around her arms.

Anomie was just a body. Flesh and bones. She lost the will to become human so long ago. Flesh and bone don't feel guilt or love or happiness.

She had to think like this for the days to come.

After all, the old sakura petals must fall for new ones to grow.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Itachi held his head, brushing his fingers across his closed eyelids as he stared down at the river that washed away the body of his closest friend. Tsukasa stood rigid next to him, holding onto his free hand tightly until it became the only anchor keeping her standing tall.

"I really thought it would work," Itachi whispered, glancing over to her hand that was dripping with blood.

"We don't have enough time," she said, her tears were nowhere to be found and Itachi nodded as he sat down, watching her closely as she numbed out his the left side of his face. Her expression remained so serious and calm, that it was wonder she could ever choose a path other than Iryo Ninjutsu, but Tsukasa always broke those expectations.

"How much longer until you can bring her here?" Itachi asked, and Tsukasa shook her head, her hands glowing green as she finished numbing Itachi's face. "It looks like you were right about the necessity of a backup plan...I really believed Shisui would succeed."

"I did too," Tsukasa moved her hands into a swift Jutsu, her skin growing pale as her fingers transformed into a scalpel made of concentrated Chakra.

"Have you ever transplanted an entire eye before?" Itachi asked, and the look she gave him in return answered his question with complete clarity. Itachi didn't ask if she was alright, as he could tell from her face that she wasn't and he didn't have the luxury of worrying about what she was going to do as she used that next sequence of minutes to carefully carve his eye out and replace it with Shisui's.

He couldn't even tell if she was nervous or not, but he could rarely see the difference in her mood. His hand squeezed her leg, finding his heart had sped up in fear.

"I'll set up a meeting with her..." Tsukasa said after she finished bandaging his eye. "It looks like we have no choice...the elders...your father..."

"I know," he whispered, and she glanced up at him.

"The fact that he is getting away with this...Danzo is more of a threat to Konoha than any of its enemies," she whispered, her fingers clutching into the dirt.

"Anger or revenge won't get us anywhere," Itachi rested his hand on her head. "You have to go..."

The newly activated Sharingan that resided in Itachi's eyes was covered in the tragedy of Shisui Uchiha. Tsukasa saw Shisui in the newly created spirals of Itachi's eye.

"It looks like we have a coup to put a stop to," Tsukasa said, standing up and lifting her summoning Jutsu from her bag.

And of course, you know the rest of this story as Tsukasa brought Anomie to the world of her summon. Her hands were steady and her heart was calm, even if her Chakra was raging inside her.

Anomie of course agreed to the massacre, seemingly unbothered by the fact that so many on the Uchiha council were as old as 94 and as young as 10. Tsukasa could never let herself get that kind of apathy for the murder of others.

Luckily, Tsukasa had people to pull her out of that darkness. Anomie had nobody, but at least Koneko wasn't known for mindless torture as Orochimaru had enjoyed.

Tsukasa could get through the night to come if it was as quick and as painless as possible.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Itachi," Anomie bowed to Itachi who had taken off his bandages around his eyes not too long before her arrival. "Tsukasa."

"Let's skip pleasantries. We both know this isn't a pleasant occasion," Tsukasa blinked her single eye as Anomie's lips spread into a cruel smirk.

"Well, then I suppose there is only one thing to do, and that's hitch a ride with you kid," Anomie held out her hand for the boy to take. "Just stand there and look pretty. I'll do the rest, Itachi."

As Itachi stared at her hand as if she were made of poison, Anomie was brought back to the memories of a time when they were comrades. So long ago, she would have given her life for him and now, three years later, she was going to kill for him instead.

As if he just entered a contract with the devil, he placed his hand on hers. Her skin was cold as her body erupted into smoke and entered through his nose. Her body engulfed his organs and he could feel her Chakra every time he moved.

"The meeting..." Tsukasa took a deep breath. "I can't go with you. Please, be careful."

"If it doesn't work," Itachi began, and Anomie decided to close her eyes and slumber within the inner workings of his Chakra coils.

By the time she opened her eyes to see what Itachi saw, she was looking into the deep stair case leading into ground. She felt Itachi's body tense, making her take control of his legs, forcing him to move forward.

" _Hesitation is natural, but we don't have the luxury,_ " Anomie's voice echoed in his mind as they walked to the entrance, descending to the council meeting. The giant room was filled and Anomie began to memorize their faces. She memorized the curves of their noses and the way their eyes glinted like men and women on a mission.

"Itachi, just who we were looking for," came the voice of who Anomie could only assume was Itachi's father. His mother stood next to him, smiling towards her son even though the smile was strained.

"Has it been decided?" Itachi asked, holding onto the last hope that his father would change his mind, holding onto the hope that maybe Shisui's death could mean something more than just giving Itachi more powerful eyes.

It seemed like Shisui's suicide had done nothing but cause friction, fear, and urgency. Itachi closed his eyes, barely aware of the smoke of Anomie's body leaving his flesh.

The rest happened so quickly that the council members and Itachi himself barely had time to comprehend the actions. However, Itachi had always been faster than his old mentor and captain. Even at the young age of eight he had risen above expectations and separated his name from that of his clan.

If his father had his way, much like Uchiha Madera had done in the past, the gap between the Uchiha and his village would only grow deeper. So he had to feel the guilt, and he had to feel it hard enough to nearly break him. He would feel their deaths, over and over but he could not regret his actions.

The smoke filled the room and Itachi watched these men and women, old and young alike, begin to choke. These people he had grown up with and his parents who nourished his career and his childhood.

He squeezed his eyes shut as the air began to catch fire. His body flickered away, taking the last of Shisui's legacy as the building set fire, the air itself burning like paper.

It was a Jutsu he had never seen Anomie attempt before, and the memory of it would haunt him forever. His knees buckled from underneath him and his eyes filled with tears. He didn't know how long he stared at the ground, his eyes replaying over and over again the betrayal of his parents faces as they watched him leave. But worse than that, there was forgiveness. He could see it the moment they saw the fumes rise and saw him raise his hands for the Jutsu to leave.

He didn't want to be forgiven.

"Get up," her voice was cold and he quickly attempted to hide the emotions in order to face her. "We have to make a scene...get up."

They both noticed the crowd of Uchiha swarming close as the building went up in smoke, the blackness of it filling the sky like a dark cloud. He couldn't look his clan in the eyes, but he found Anomie was rather good at being hated. She was good at being judged as the villain, and he could see her hands were purposely coated in the blood of his family.

It wasn't difficult for the Uchiha to look between the burning council hall and the girl coated in blood and come to an understanding who had done this and who they lost. Itachi wasn't certain who screamed, but he knew it didn't matter. It wasn't done.

"Why?" Itachi asked, watching as she lifted her hand, seeing it was coated in blood and it was still dripping wet. Her palm was fisted, and it took him a swift moment to realize what she was holding.

"Orochimaru's always wanted new eyes," she said, just loud enough for one of the women in the crowd to hear. Anomie opened her palms, revealing the eye. "Sadly, all their Sharingan were quite weak."

Anomie knew the men and women she killed. She studied them intimately in order to embed them in her memory. She knew their skills and she knew their family. Her eyes scanned over the crowd of Uchiha, looking upon her like she was a monster. Perhaps she was, but that was okay.

"Here, this belonged to your son," she tossed the eye towards a slightly older woman, watching the bloody mess roll on the ground until it landed in front of her. Anomie had never heard a person scream with so much agony until that moment. It was shrill, like glass scraping against steel. It was loud, like the piercing sound of thunder and it made Anomie's insides quake.

She had killed many, but until now it had been quick assassinations. She had never intentionally taunted the loved ones of her victims.

She barely caught herself in time to par her katana against Itachi's. His eyes were glistening, but determined.

"Do it," she whispered, barely moving her lips. She blocked his attack again, just barely as the force of his attacks got stronger.

"Leave," he whispered as he pushed her back again. She jumped back, moving her hands into a swift Jutsu, but Itachi was faster, breathing out fire from his lips.

Her body once more went up in smoke, spreading out through the air. He knew what she was doing the moment the air caught fire. She must have been counting down the minutes, as the next moment the ground was broken by the Anbu ninja, filling the area with a series of water Ninjutsu.

Itachi knew they were sent to bridge the peace between the Uchiha, he knew everything was going according to Tsukasa and the Third Hokage's plan, and while he knew that, a part of him didn't want Anomie's life to be forfeit because of it. That was the only explanation for the feeling of tension that coursed through his veins when he saw her on the ground, covered in water and unable to perform another act of smoke.

For a moment he thought she was going to let the anbu take her life. The Uchiha clan would never mourn her, they would curse her and Orochimaru's name until the very end. If only they knew what these "enemies" gave up for them to live.

Itachi took a step back, allowing the Anbu to create yet another Ninjutsu that would likely end Anomie's life.

"Can't have that," a voice interrupted, and in next moments, the ninjutsu hit nothing but the ground. Anomie was nowhere to be seen as if she never existed at all.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie didn't want to die. It was the greatest flaw of her nature. She was a known survivor because she had ran from death more times than she could count.

Anomie didn't want to die, but she also had no idea how to live. She had no idea if living was even worth it or if she was meant to move on from this. Her hands were still covered in blood and bits of flesh were still embedded under her nails.

She had never ripped someone's eyes out before and the blood had coated her skin like paint. She still heard that mother'a sobs and it was fresh and wet in her mind.

So as she stared up at the anbu ninja ready to take life, she did nothing. There wasn't anywhere she could go. After sullying his name in unearned blood, Orochimaru would never take her back. After this, Kakashi would never hold her like he did before. After this, she didn't have anywhere to turn.

So she watched them ready the last Justu, hoping that it would be painful. If she was going to die, she wanted to feel it.

But it never came. Instead, arms embraced her small body, and it almost felt like she was suctioned into a small hole, forced through until she couldn't breathe.

She clutched onto the person with every ounce of her strength, holding onto his cloak and trying not to vomit all over it. He didn't touch her casually, but his arms didn't embrace her like a lover or a friend. She had no idea who he was as his fingers dug into her shoulders and pushed her back.

She was met with the masked man with his spiral orange mask covering his face as he gave her childlike tilt of the head. Tobi stared right through her, at least that was what it felt like as she couldn't see his eye.

"Didn't I tell you there is a spot in the Akatsuki for you?" he said with a light chuckle. Her heart swelled in her chest.

"Who are you?" she asked after a long moment of hesitation. "Why were you there?"

"Oh? That's simple. I heard that the Uchiha clan was going to be annihilated and I didn't want to miss that," he said nonchalantly and she lowered her head, feeling her hands shake. "But also because you salvaged their eyes...did you not?"

She glanced up, her heart racing before she stared down at the seal near her wrist.

"Orochimaru likes his experiments," Anomie said carefully only to hear his dark and deep chuckle echo in his mask.

"He does, but he didn't ask you for this, did he, An-chan?" Tobi's voice made her heart sink.

"I'm afraid Orochimaru's greed can surprise the both of us," Anomie said, her voice coming out even. "Or are you implying I took that many eyes for myself?"

Tobi chuckled, "I don't think you are that sort of Shinobi, An-chan. So, if you have no value for them other than putting terror in the Uchiha clan and rekindling Konoha's hate for Orochimaru, then why not give them to me?"

"Why do you want them?" she asked instead, trying to see past the shadow of his mask and into the eye that resided inside. It was dark and cold, contrasting greatly to the kindness in his voice. "Who are you really?"

"I already told you, I'm just a guy trying to give this world peace," he told her, chuckling once more.

"There's no such thing as world peace," Anomie said in reply, her lips spreading into a rather gentle smile. "It's a pipe dream parents tell their children before dying violently in war. I stopped believing in fairytales, Tobi-san."

"That fact that you are here right now, trying to prevent a war between a village that doesn't want you and a clan that hates you, proves that a part of you still cares about peace," Tobi said, and Anomie shook her head, finding herself unworthy of the praise.

"How do you know that?" she asked, her brows furrowed together.

"I've been watching you closely, Anomie."

"Why?"

"Because you're special. You're not very strong, and your skills in Ninjutsu aren't based on blunt power. But you are clever. I have never seen someone light the very oxygen on fire. You get the job done, no matter the cost," he lowered himself to the ground until his face was adjacent to hers. "To put things simply, the Akatsuki needs someone like you."

She wanted to cry. His words of praise weren't what she wanted to hear. She didn't want to kill anymore... _not like that...not like that._

Tobi's eye was penetrating, and if she wasn't careful then he would see right through her.

"This world peace...this fantasy you speak of..." Anomie lifted her head. "How could it be possible?"

"Peace is only possible after intense amounts of bloodshed. We have to make people disgusted with the notion of war," Tobi said, "you know that better than anyone. After all, that was why you killed them, wasn't it?"

"A girl I once knew would have never agreed with our ideals," Anomie mused, noticing Tobi had slightly frozen.

"Kindness will only get people killed," Tobi said after a moment of silence.

"You took your mask off," Anomie whispered, glancing up at him and watching him tilt his masked face. "I like this 'you' more than the annoyance you pretend to be."

"You're not very nice," Tobi said, his voice brought her the oddest sense of deja vu.

"No...no I'm not," Anomie whispered.

_Obito is dead. But Obito was the last person to tell me that._

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Kakashi knew something was wrong when he saw the red sun lower in the sky. He had just rejected another Genin team when he heard a high pitched scream that cracked like thunder.

His feet moved for him as he made his way in the direction of the sound, his body growing heavier with every step as he noticed the smoke from the distance begin to blacken the sky. He wasn't certain how he felt when he saw the team of anbu ninja scanning the area for the enemy that had just escaped.

At the area of desolation, smoke continued to billow out of the rubble and a thick deposit of ash and dust had covered the road making it completely unrecognizable. The sky seemed as though it would release its contents on the gloomy scene. Impenetrable, dense smog polluted the atmosphere like a black cat creeping around the streets.

His eyes glanced over the crowd of thirty Uchiha, more gathering by the minute. Many were on the ground, crying with their eyes red and bloodshot. Itachi was standing still as the grave, watching the building collapse on itself as the fire raged on before the anbu ninja focused on putting it out.

Kakashi always had keen hearing, and of course he always felt attune to certain names.

"It was Orochimaru's doing," said one voice of the Uchiha.

Kakashi walked near to one of the anbu he recognized as Tenzo whose masked face immediately raised to meet Kakashi's eye. "Senpai."

Tenzo bowed his head, but Kakashi's gaze was set on the body that one of the anbu ninja carried out of the building. The man's skin was charred red and black, the burns spreading over his face until he was unrecognizable. Kakashi's eye scanned over the empty sockets, stricken black with dried blood.

"Orochimaru did this?" Kakashi asked, and Tenzo's head shook.

"This? No, this was Koneko's doing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 百日草 (Hyakunichisou) Zinnia. It means loyalty.


	35. Erika

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXg2sJfSb-8&feature=emb_title  
> The second video I made for this story. Once again, highly recommend watching.

**Part III**

**RUINATION**

_"A tree may look as beautiful as ever; but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence.."_

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR  
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–•–

**THE CLOAK WAS A HEAVY BURDEN UPON HER SHOULDERS AND THE DARKENED COLOR** was just another aspect that she had to learn to live alongside. She doubted any of her enemies could recognize her when the thick material covered her face. When she was a child, she had heard about the greatness of the red cloaked warriors of the rain. They were known to be pacifists back in the time before the third Shinobi war ended. Their legacy sizzled off and they became known for being mercenaries for hire.

When she realized those pacifists and the organization under Tobi were the same, she wasn't certain what to think.

She awoke to nightmares every passing night since the massacre. This would be her own punishment for all the blood. It earned her a place among the murderers and she could no longer tell herself that she wasn't one of them. Maybe she was worse.

"I really hate Suna," Anomie said, feeling the sun tear through her skin and blisters form on her feet. Tobi glanced her way as the wind, mixed with bits of sand, knocked the hood off her head. She stopped and stared into the sky for an entire minute of silence.

Tobi chuckled, placing his gloved palm over her shoulder. "I told you there was no use wearing that hood."

"It's too bright," she defended her over use of covers with a sigh as they spotted the hidden village of sand in the short distance. "If he's not here, how about we get some watermelon. I am starving."

"He's here," Tobi said, none too ominously and Anomie decided she didn't care how he knew the missing ninja went back to his home village.

"Looks like it's my turn," Anomie found the wind far more deadly than she would care to admit and Tobi seemed to notice the dilemma as well.

"Are you up for it? We can find another way inside," he commented and Anomie shook her head, stripping off her cloak and revealing the short kimono underneath. She untied the obi from around her waist, slipping off the garment and allowing it to drop to the ground. She felt Tobi's stare and she turned her head.

"It requires a lot of Chakra to keep the clothes. I can't be picky," Anomie said slipping off her bra straps. "Look away or don't. It doesn't matter to me."

"You still have no modesty," he commented with a chuckle and Anomie glanced towards him with furrowed brows before shrugging off the deja vu and erupting into a cloud of smoke.

The wind nearly ripped her apart, but the Chakra she had gotten replenished from the Ho'ou did wonders.

"I'll be at the gates in three minutes," he called after her as she darted her body towards the entrance, inhabiting one of the sand ninja female guards.

She turned towards the second sand ninja with a raised brow. "Do you feel that?"

The second sand ninja glanced up from the bingo book in his hand. "Our chemistry? Always."

Anomie, not expecting the flirtation, decided against shoving her kunai into his throat. "Focus. Do you feel that Chakra?"

"An enemy? Finally. Gate duty is boring as fuck," the sand ninja stood, opening the gates like the trusting fool he was. The moment his back was to her, she allowed the smoke to exit her lips and engulf his face. He gasped, trying to breath as she slowed the smoke to enter his skull.

He fell to the ground at her feet, and Tobi walked over both their bodies with a happy skip. "You didn't kill him?" Tobi asked, noticing Anomie's slight hesitation. "There's no point changing your ways now, An-chan."

"There's also no point in having the dead guards become the new reason for Suna to mobilize their Shinobi," Anomie replied, as smoke left the the body of the Suna ninja, and in moments the white haired woman's naked body stood tall as the sand ninja fell to the ground.

"Tobi is a good boy either way," the masked man stated as Anomie rolled her eyes, activating her seal. Her clothes covered her form once more.

"Pretty sure someone who murdered five shinobi in the passing is not a 'good boy'," Anomie said, dragging the two bodies out of sight.

"Pretty sure that was you, An-chan," Tobi said with a sing songy muse.

Anomie scowled at him, dropping the Shinobi's hands and the arms flopped back onto the sand. In the far distance of that gates, the village looked much like Konoha, from the placement of buildings and layout. The only real difference was the block shapes and the light color, making the village not look much different from the sand on which it rested.

The sand village was dull, colorless, and depressing. "It's a wonder more people don't go crazy in this environment, its mind numbingly boring."

"Tobi thinks if you're so bored, you could go home," Tobi replied, suffering the wrath of Anomie's glare.

"This talking in third person thing you got going on is really fucking annoying," Anomie gripped her hair and tied it so it was out of her face. "Let's find Sasori."

"You're so mean, An-chan," Tobi pouted, walking behind her as she began to walk further into the village, her Akatsuki robes covering her body without a care. Of course, since when did any in their organization care for being discreet.

"Let's split up. I need some time away from you," she said and he let out a deep sigh.

"That is a thought you could have kept to yourself," he commented with a pout.

"I wish every thought you ever had could be kept to yourself. Maybe then I could have some peace and quiet," she commented in return. Tobi placed his palm on his chest, moving back.

"That's rude, An-chan," he said, water dripping out from his eye hole and thus defying physics.

"You are so irritating I can scarcely breathe," she said, turning her back to him and walking away.

Her eyes ran over the colorless houses and annoying sand that she could feel in her boots fill up with sand. Currently she was irritated and bored, and entirely dissatisfied with Suna and it's intense heat that was likely to melt the skin from her bones. No. She had no interest in sightseeing or doing anything other than looking for Sasori.

That was when she heard the sound of a childlike scream off in the distance.

"Get away you monster," said a child's voice off in the distance. She frowned, her feet moving for her as she walked towards the ally and through the buildings, only her shadow keeping her company throughout the night.

She had to admit, curiosity was a fickle curse but likely she would never rid herself from its shackles.

It felt like deja vu as she saw the little boy, hair red as the crimson sun, setting over the mountains. His eyes were teal like the ocean, and his appearance was striking over the background of dull sand and lifeless scenery.

"My mom said that if you look him in the eye, he will steal your soul," said one kid, staring at the red haired boy with a look of disdain that she couldn't truly understand.

_Why are they so afraid of a kid who is holding a ball so sweetly and earnestly?_ His eyes looked like glass, and just one jagged word would shatter that mask. How fitting. Enough heat and sand turns into glass. Something so brittle and weak. Wouldn't it be better to just stay as sand?

When one of the kids lifted a rock as the red haired boy tried to hand over the ball, Anomie witnessed the foolish and incomprehensible fear take root as the boy tossed the rock towards the red haired boy's face. The sand rose from the depths of his feet and blocked the rock. It was only moments later that the boy's sand, infused with Chakra, went to attack his offender next. It was obvious from the red haired boy's expression that it was out of his control.

Perhaps if she did nothing, this boy would murder the others. She couldn't find it in her heart to care. She wondered how long ago that she lost that fruitless ability.

It didn't matter what she did or didn't feel anymore. Even though those thoughts rushed through her mind, Kakashi's face darted through as well. Such a kind man...he would never let such a thing happen.

She was always quite fast she supposed, and even more so when she got Orochimaru's mark. She grabbed the child by his shirt and tossed him aside before the sand could squash the life from him. Her curse marking only slightly covering her shoulder and up her neck by the time the sand attacked her next.

"This is some demonic power you have here kid," she commented as the other children ran off. She turned into smoke and rushed into the unsuspecting boy's body.

She had never been inside a body like his before and his flesh quite literally crawled with Chakra.

"What is this?" his voice hissed out, holding his head as he dropped to his knees. "Get out of my head."

"Oho, you have quite the demon in here kid," she commented after realizing what that Chakra was that coursed in his veins. "It is rather crowded, but I fear that if I come out, you might do something stupid like try and kill me."

He shook his head and Anomie felt his hesitation.

"Ahh. You don't want to kill anyone do you boy?" Anomie wasn't trying to be cruel, but she had lost the ability to filter or sugarcoat her words. There was so much she found herself unable to do and unfortunately, being kind was one of them. "What a bloodthirsty demon. Would you like my help?"

"Help?" the boy was on his knees, clutching his head as she spoke.

She smiled, slowly escaping the confines of his body. His sand remained limp at his side with no return and her fingers moved to brush aside his red bangs, but his sand stopped her before she could touch him. Her lips widened into a slightly bigger smile.

"I can seal that demon. Would you like that? To not hear his voice," she said in a whisper, staring into his hopeful and glossy eyes. "I would need, however, to touch you in order to do such a thing."

"I can't control the sand," he said and her eyes twinkled in amusement.

"How troubling and unfortunate," she commented in return. "Very bad luck." She stood up, and moved around the boy, quite ready to put his presence behind her. "Try not to make friends so hard. These kids are quite weak and have no notion of the world around them, but I suspect you will learn that soon enough."

"Gaara...I'm Gaara," his voice echoed out color to this lifeless and dull village.

"I am sorry for the life you have lived, Gaara of the Sand," she said, turning towards him and bowing her head in a 90 degree angle. His eyes reminded her of Naruto, with that same innocence and loneliness. She would likely never be able to show her apologies to that boy, so she would settle for Gaara.

"Y-You're sorry?" his voice was so kind and so innocent, reminding her of that sweet and brittle tone that Naruto had once used with her. She felt a twinge of useless guilt for using the child as she had, and she was using Gaara as well. Playing friendly now, only to steal that demon and his life later. Thus the purpose of the Akatsuki.

She had her inkling that many kids would die before she could be free of the Akatsuki, but she could hardly leave now. She so much left to find out for the good of Konoha. For Rin's village...for the village that Kakashi still resides.

They only thing she could do was protect it with her life. And she would because her life never had much meaning anyway.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Tobi was the first to find Sasori, who had been eager to visit Suna in order to pick up some ugly puppet. It didn't much matter to Anomie, as all she was focused on was just how ugly Sasori ending up being. He was grotesque, with a weirdly styled mohawk and a beard that quite literally covered his entire lower face. What was more, was underneath his robes, peaked a large steel, barbed tail. It would have looked like bones, if not for the metallic and sharp claws.

"Why do you look like that?" Anomie asked, interrupting Tobi's invitation to the Akatsuki.

"That's rather rude, An-chan," Tobi scolded with a chuckle.

Anomie shrugged, but Sasori didn't look bothered. In fact, he didn't have an expression altogether. "Akatsuki..."

"We have someone already who indulges in your interests," Tobi said, and Anomie nearly stiffened, not liking any mention of Orochimaru's name. It was rather awkward being in the same organization with a man who so openly wanted her dead.

"Immortality?" Sasori looked intrigued while Anomie only felt more uncomfortable. Likely Tobi knew as much and that was why he brought up Orochimaru's name in the first place. Anomie could only guess that this was his way of poking fun.

She knew she'd make an enemy the moment Tsukasa had propositioned the massacre, and it seemed enemies were much easier to make than friends. That was her curse, and she bore it with grace.

"Orochimaru's is working on a Jutsu, or at least he was before," _before he sent out missing ninjas to take my life..._ "It is quite the treat. Taking the body of someone else, stronger and younger."

Anomie couldn't tell if he was intrigued by her words, as his face was blank beneath the bush of beard and cloaks.

"What would you two do if I rejected?" he asked, causing Anomie's face to spread into a smile.

"I don't believe we were asking," she turned her head to Tobi who was currently scratching his masked chin as if he were actually giving it thought.

"Which one of you are stronger?" Sasori's voice was monotone, but there was a warning in his stance. Tobi took no heed of such a thing and almost immediately put himself into annoying words.

"Oh, I don't fight, senpai. Violence is scary," Tobi said with a bounce in his step, and immediately Sasori's eyes fell to Anomie. She in turn was frowning towards Tobi for placing her life in the line of fire, before deciding that ultimately, she didn't care if they fought.

After all, she knew about his abilities and he hadn't the faintest idea on hers.

"If you wish to make this difficult, we can fight, but," Anomie chose her words quickly and carefully as she watched the missing ninja's eyes run down her cloaked and probably non-threatening looking body. "No matter the outcome, the result will be the same. You will join us."

"What makes you so certain?" Sasori asked in return.

Anomie had always been talented at reading people, but certain people like Tobi were quite difficult. However, none were impossible and she could see the greed and fear in anyone's eyes not long into meeting them.

Sasori, who had taken residence in that puppet body, was no different. She didn't need to see his face to know he wanted immortality and power. After all, doesn't everybody?

"Because where else is there for you besides this path?"

All anyone wants is a destination to kick their feet, but if life has taken that away from you, then it becomes easier to follow the lead of others.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie was half asleep, her back against the wall as her eyes remained shut and the wind picked up against the window of the hotel room. The banging of the outside world being subjected to the gust of wind didn't stir her awake. Mostly, she only remained annoyed.

Tobi and Sasori had parted ways a week ago, leaving Anomie with the task of finding the current locations of demons. She supposed it was helpful that she was far more capable of people skills than any of the other Akatsuki, so seeking out information became a rather irritating pass time throughout the year.

She only wished the Akatsuki was comprised of people capable of polite conversation _and_ holding their own in battle.

Instead she got the makings of Kakuzu who was rumored to have stolen the hearts of all his past partners. "You can be partners with Kakuzu." Tobi had said a couple months back.

"Fuck that," she had responded in return.

From that moment she agreed it would be best to not have a partner. Perhaps having no one next to her made it so easy for the knife to near her throat, however she was just as quick to grab the black clothed arm and flip the two so she was on top of the man and the blade rested near his neck.

Perhaps this reaction timing was why she was so quick to be alone.

"Orochimaru is sending weaklings now," Anomie said with a smile, staring into the masked assassin's eye only to find that he was in fact a she. Out of surprise she slightly lost her grip and the woman flipped them around, pulling down her mask with a coy smile.

"Orochimaru said you have a weakness for a pretty face," the woman whispered and Anomie briefly glanced over the woman's dewy complexion.

"Orochimaru wouldn't know a pretty face unless it was under his scalpel," Anomie said, glancing over her wrists that were held at her sides.

"Why haven't you smoked out? I've been waiting," the woman whispered.

"I didn't want to ruin the moment," Anomie said with a forming smile. "After all, I do have a a weakness for a pretty face."

"So Orochimaru says."

"So he says," Anomie's body dissolved into bits of smoke, flooding the woman's face. Before she could suffocate the beautiful woman, she felt two warm lips pressed against hers.

It was bitter, and by the time the smoke cleared Anomie was breathless. "My name is Kazehaya Mineko, poison master of Oto. Your time is up, Fuyu-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> エリカ (Erica) means solitude. It's a heather flower.


	36. Nokogirisou

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE  
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–•–

**IN HER DREAMS, SHE WAS DROWNING.** Anomie was nearly gasping for air the next morning. It was sardonic fate held at the lips to her demise and she was just waiting for the last gasping breath to leave her poisoned tongue. The assassin had disappeared not long after spewing that venom down her throat. Orochimaru wanted to destroy her, and he chose a way to take his time.

She fell for it and this was the cost. Her veins had begun to swell and her eyes felt like they were about to rip from their sockets. When she tried to turn into smoke, a once reprieve to pain, she found her Chakra to take no form, like water dripping from her fingers. When she looked into the mirror, she saw her face was pale and her eyes were discolored.

Yet still she couldn't seem to die. She couldn't sleep and food wouldn't stay down. If the poison didn't end her life, then surely she would end up starving.

The outside air did nothing to ease the suffocation of her lungs swelling for breath and the trees were all that kept her upright. She tightened her cloak around her shoulders, finding that her body was trembling despite the sun being high in the cloud-free sky.

"Am I to die from cold?" she croaked out, her fingers tightening around the material of her cloak. If she didn't find shelter she knew that she wouldn't last the night, but she couldn't go back to Tanzaku Gai with Orochimaru's spies littering the grounds. He would have that town destroyed in his search and with the way she looked now was likely to create a commotion.

She knelt down to a small plant, running her fingers over the leaves, taking notice to the beautiful pink bud that peaked out from the top. She would recognize a turmeric plant any day as they grew commonly in Kemuri. She gripped the base and pulled, finding the action of movement left her winded as she glanced at the orange colored roots. She separated it from the plant. She leaned against the tree with a deep breath as she took out her canister of water.

She snapped her fingers, attempting to bring about a small flare but she just grew more exhausted. The continuous snapping eventually paid off as she obtained enough chakra to boil the water. In her other hand she gripped one of the roots and placed it on a flat rock, before grinding another rock against it until she got a smooth powder. She sprinkled as much as she could into the water, mixing it and quickly gulped it down.

It wasn't a cure, but it would have to do. She felt her pulse begin to slow after an interval of minutes. It aided in reducing the swelling of her veins at least, but her fever was fast approaching.

A part of her believed she deserved this fate, as poison was an ugly way to go. She was likely to die slow at this way, and soon her insides would smear across the ground as she coughed out her lungs. Orochimaru's experiments of the poison master clan was one of the many kekkei genkai's he had studied in the sound village. She only wished she took more interest.

"I can't even summon the Ho'ou," her voice came out in a whisper, hoarse and broken. How fitting that the only thing that could save her was the first thing she lost the ability to do. Her Chakra was running thinner and thinner by the minute, and if she had trouble doing a D ranked jutsu, she would never pull off a summoning.

She was to die, alone in the forest of the land of fire. She was too close to Kemuri and another hour long journey and she would be in the same spot she was almost murdered so many years ago. Perhaps it would be better for everyone if she died that day, before she had a chance to dig her claws in Kakashi's heart and taint his future.

She stood up, her eyes blurry and her balance distorted. If she was to die, it would not be by Orochimaru's hand. He didn't deserve her blood. She may have done some awful things in her short years, but his actions could curdle even stomachs of steel and she would not add her death to his never ending list of victims.

She would take her own life before she gave him that satisfaction.

Her heart was steel, her will was iron, but her legs were brass. Her body was always more beautiful than strong, and brass was weak. Her hands slammed down against the grass as her knees trembled and buckled.

"Get up," she whispered, over and over like a prayer.

She wasn't certain how long she watched her hands clutch at the grass as her veins bulged from her neck and down her shoulders. She couldn't move. It was as if her nerves had locked and her brain had ceased sending signals down her spine.

That was when she felt the warm palms cup her cheeks. "Kid, if you don't get up, I'm going to have to miss the tournament for you."

"I can already tell you the outcome, lady Tsunade," came another voice. "It ends with us losing out money for a proper hotel, you getting drunk, and me crying myself to sleep."

"Nonsense, I don't need to lose a poker game to get drunk."

"I know quite well."

"Don't help me," Anomie whispered, as her eyesight fluttered like a light switch being flicked on and off. The woman's hair was bright and her eyes were kind. It was the ambience of warmth and Anomie felt shackled to its embrace, much like a cobra among mice.

"And let you die?" The black haired woman asked, and in her arms rested a pig. Anomie's eyes were losing the ability to recognize details and her throat was beginning to close. It wouldn't be long until she lost consciousness and died, giving Orochimaru's the satisfaction of her death.

"The bad ones never die," she muttered before she felt her body collapse, her head slamming in between two of the biggest breasts she had ever seen.

She could think of worse places to die, but Tsunade became determined that the monster in her arms lived.

Villains hardly ever get what they deserved.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Tsunade's hands rested underneath the girl's neck, holding her up so she could drink the concoction as Shizune fed the small pig in the corner of the room. The white haired girl in the bed still remained unconscious, but color had begun to soak back into her light pink lips and her pale cheeks.

Tsunade leaned over the girl, forcing open the girl's eyelids and inspecting her skin. For the most part all physical ailments had begun to heal. The child's skin tone had returned to its milky hue and even the bulging veins had begun to reverse its inflammation, and yet the child still wouldn't awaken.

Tsunade brushed her hands, glowing green, against the girl's chest, weaving her chakra against the white haired girl's coils. It took her moments to feel the dark chi that coiled around the central core of the poisoned girl's Chakra.

"Poisoned Chakra?" Tsunade's brows hitched together, taking a feel to the poison that attempted to break free from all Tsunade's antidotes. "Who wants you dead so badly?"

"Surely you recognize the mark on her neck, lady Tsunade," Shizune's voice broke in, and Tsunade's eyes focused on the seal she had attempted to ignore. "It looks like some kind of Fūinjutsu. Do you know it?"

Tsunade would recognize a seal made by Orochimaru's hand any day, but Orochimaru had ceased to be her problem years ago. The whole lot of her team and Konoha itself was not her concern. She wanted the white haired child to awaken before the unconscious nuisance dragged her back into the drama of Konoha's legendary sannin.

"Hell if I know," Tsunade said instead. "Bring me something strong, Shizune."

"Are you sure you should be drinking right now lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked as the blonde woman sat heavily into her chair, running her fingers through her hair with a sigh.

"Why not? I have the focus of an ox," Tsunade replied and Shizune grumbled something unintelligible under her breath.

Anomie was stuck in the dark, hearing two women complain with muffled voices as she remained chained as if an anchor had been tied to her ankle and thrown down into the dark abysmal nothingness. She tried to pry her eyes open, but her body was numb.

Perhaps she had already died and this was the purgatory for all her sins. If that was so, she could scarcely wait to meet Orochimaru in this endless hell. Perhaps she could use him as a stool to catch a glimpse of the light in the distance.

"Do you wish to die here, Fuyu?" came a voice that lit a spark in what remained of her heart.

"Mom," Anomie croaked out, attempting to find her mother's face in the darkness. It would be difficult to not see the woman's bright red hair and dazzling blue eyes. Likely, they were warm enough to pierce through ice.

"Fuyu, have you forgotten all that I taught you?" Nagisa asked and Anomie felt her eyes burn as if she was ready to cry but nothing rolled down the numb skin that covered her cheeks.

"You didn't teach me anything," Anomie muttered out. "Only to die a meaningless death."

"I promise to protect you."

Anomie wanted to scream, "how can you protect me if you're dead?"

"I taught you to be kind and to always do the right thing," Nagisa scolded. "You are in this mess because you never listened."

"I tried, mother," Anomie whispered.

"You never tried, Fuyu. From the moment you are taken and even during the rape, you never tried to fight," her mother's red hair became visible in the darkness. "Even when I was murdered, you only watched without trying. And here you are, dying without trying."

Anomie felt her eyes burn once more, "I didn't want to get hurt."

"Don't you ever get tired of being a coward, Iburi Fuyu?" Nagisa asked and Anomie felt a warm palm cup her cheek.

"What is it you want me to do?"

"I want you to fight. I want you to make good decisions. I want you to be kind," her mother's voice was a melody in the dark. "Most of all, my little flower, I want you to wake up."

Anomie's eyes snapped open, the bright light blinding her and forcing her squint as she attempted to sit up, but her head crashed into a cushioned pair of breasts that forced her to lay back down onto the pillows that the chest woman finished propping up.

"Are those even real?" Anomie asked and Tsunade raised her brows.

"I drink a lot of milk," Tsunade said, humoring the girl's odd first question.

"Drink or squirt?" Anomie usually only saw boobs that big in a woman's third trimester.

"I'm going to forget I heard that," Tsunade asked. "What is your name?"

"Sarutobi Hiruzen."

"You think you're funny?" Tsunade asked and Anomie shrugged.

"You caught me, I am actually Jiraiya the Toad Sage," she said and Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"With the way you keep staring at my chest, I wouldn't be that surprised," Tsunade said, sitting down on a wooden chair near the bed and chugging down a liquid that was probably not water.

"They will be the only thing I remember about you," Anomie swung the blankets off her body and stood up, only to collapse onto the ground. "Shit."

"Yeah, that happens," Tsunade said, taking another chug. "Would have warned you, but you were off being an ungrateful child."

"I'm going to gut that bitch," Anomie whispered under her breath when she noticed red scars on her bare legs. They were the markings of where her veins had nearly bulged free from her skin. Her once beautiful, nearly unmarked skin, was tainted with scars.

"The important thing is that you are awake so we can talk," Tsunade said and Anomie crawled back onto the bed, finding her legs were still weak and her breath was labored.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere," Anomie grumbled.

"I have healed your body to the best of my abilities, but I can't do anything else without the original poison. The symptoms: nausea, swelling, fever, fatigue, and the loss of your control over your nervous system, not to mention your Chakra control. All of that will reappear before long and eventually you will die," Tsunade said, and Anomie eyes narrowed.

"The person who did this is likely long gone by now. If there is no cure then I will die. Don't waste your time," Anomie said and in moments she felt her body lift up in a forceful motion as Tsunade's hands gripped onto her shirt.

"I spent my entire weekend taking care of you, missing many chances at having actual fun and you have the audacity to have this little regard for your life?"

Anomie's eyes narrowed but her expression was empty, "I told you to let me die. If me screaming and crying about how badly I want to live will magically cure me then watch me start crying."

"You are so irritating," Tsunade grumbled. "Tell me who poisoned you so I can help."

"Why do you care?" Anomie's heart had begun to lighten, and her eyes scanned over the woman's face over and over until it was embedded in her memory.

"Well, you are the great Jiraiya the Toad Sage, and sad to say, we are actually friends," Tsunade replied and Anomie found herself wanting to smile.

"That is very unfortunate indeed," Anomie agreed. "He is incredibly irritating." Tsunade let out a bark of laughter in response as Shizune came in with a bottle of sake.

"I'll drink to that," Tsunade said, taking a sip straight from the bottle.

"You'd drink to anything, lady Tsunade," Shizune said in reply, and Tsunade motioned to protest, but she shrugged instead, taking another chug. Shizune moved towards Anomie's bedside, her lips spread into a smile.

Anomie found the girl to be kind, but not too threatening. Although Anomie suspected that the lady Tsunade was threatening enough for the both of them. During her time in anbu, she would have had to gauge her ears out to escape from the gossip of the third legendary sannin that stood in front of her. The very same Tsunade that remade the team structure and stressed the importance of a medic. Perhaps if that decree had never passed, then maybe Rin would have never been near the front lines.

Anomie scolded herself for that thought, having promised herself that she would no longer lament on the dead and find blame with the living.

"I'm so happy you're awake," Shizune said, holding a bowl of soup that she had carried in the hand that wasn't holding the liquor. She placed it on the nightstand next to Anomie's head. "I was very worried."

"Stay worried, Shizune. This kid has chosen death," Tsunade replied, and Shizune's expression contorted in surprise. The obvious disappointment in Tsunade's voice was not appreciated by Anomie, who just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. At the same time, a part of Anomie desired to live, just to spite Orochimaru's sadistic and futile attempts.

"W-Why?" Shizune's voice stuttered out, and Anomie glanced towards the bowl of soup. If she ate it, it would be like fighting for life and if she didn't touch it, it would be a sign she had given up. She could finally join her mother and her father and Rin and Saru and even Obito.

No, that was unlikely. Where ever Rin ends up, it was unlikely Anomie could ever follow. That sort of death would be too kind, and Anomie had never known the world to be kind. It was cold and painful. It was a place where six year olds get beaten and raped. It was a place where women's bodies are sold for passing men's coin and dominated like property. It was a place where Ohashi was raped and murdered. It was a place where it dangles a future in front of Anomie's face before it is snatched away with the words and manipulations of a snake. That was this world and it was filthy and difficult.

If this was Anomie's life, she didn't want to think of what her death would be like. She has had enough of this world and its decay, but if this world is dying then whatever comes next is dead already.

Anomie reached over and grabbed the bowl, feeling the warmth cover her fingertips and spread across her skin. It was probably the warmest she had been in years, in between two people who genuinely cared if she lived or died. "I was poisoned by a woman by the name of Kazehaya Mineko, of the poison master clan."

Tsunade leaned back in her chair, "Why?" Obviously, the Sannin was gaging whether or not the woman on the bed was a person worthy of her assistance, and Anomie wasn't about to correct her or show her that perhaps she should let Anomie die.

"I betrayed her master," Anomie said instead, and watched as Tsunade's eyes lingered on the open seal on the girl's neck. Anomie's lips curled up, pressing her nimble fingers on top of the seal as her eyes lingered on her shoulder. Of course, Tsunade already knew. "Orochimaru."

"What did you do?" Tsunade asked and Anomie smiled.

"He thinks I aligned with Konoha and spread his secrets," she answered.

"Did you?"

"Yes."

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Kazehaya Mineko was a patient woman to a point of course, but nothing was more boring then waiting for a person to die. _"Make it slow."_ Orochimaru had ordered and she agreed because there was nothing else to do unless she wanted to be in Iburi Fuyu's position.

A Kazehaya clan member being done away by the cold compress of poison. That would be absolutely humiliating. She took a slip of her water with a scoff glancing down at her untouched alcohol with a sigh.

She glanced to the side as she noticed bright white hair of a beautiful woman walk past the food stall. Her eyes were focused, skin full with color, and her muscles were still able to maneuver successfully enough to walk.

"That's impossible," Mineko stood, leaving her seat to follow after the perfectly healthy Iburi Fuyu.

Her eyes scanned the woman's back, watching as she stopped to buy flowers and even help an old woman carry her basket of vegetables. Watching her walking around healthy made Mineko's blood boil as it felt like a personal mockery of her own poisons.

"How could you possibly cure yourself?" Mineko muttered to herself, keeping hidden behind the crowd. The action wasn't difficult considering the festival created a stampede of people all around her.

It was only when she saw Fuyu disappear into the hotel that she lost sight of her. Following her at this point would be dangerous and annoying but just as she motioned to leave and return later she ran into a blonde busty woman.

"Well, Orochimaru is still getting children's hands dirty so he doesn't have to do so himself," Tsunade said, pressing her fingertips against her chin as Mineko motioned to step back the moment she recognized the Sannin Tsunade.

She didn't get far as her back nearly brushed against the white haired Fuyu who now stood behind her. "I'm older than I look," Mineko stated with a glance between the two women.

Mineko felt a trickle of apprehension as she gauged whether or not she'd be able to take Tsunade in a fight. Orochimaru had assured her that in fair fight, she would be unlikely to defeat Fuyu. Luckily poison is hardly a fair tactic.

"What do you want?" Mineko settled for keeping the two talking as she found herself backed into an alleyway by Fuyu and Tsunade.

"The cure," Tsunade said with a shrug. "I would very much appreciate it if you just handed it over, so I can get back to my Sunday."

Mineko's brows furrowed, seeing Fuyu was quite healthy and in no need of a cure. Of course, looks were deceiving and Fuyu's body went up into smoke as the henge wore off. Mineko felt a moment of shame as she allowed herself to be fooled by a transformation Jutsu.

The girl next to Tsunade was Fuyu no longer and her hair was short and black. Her face was not nearly as slender and her eyes no longer sparkled with Fuyu's thunderous and golden irises, with just the hint of pink.

"I didn't know the kid had friends," Mineko said, trying to think of an escape plan that wouldn't end with the Sannin pummeling her body into the ground.

"To be honest, I don't even know her real name," Tsunade replied, taking a step forward as her heels scraped against the ground. "But unlike Orochimaru, I remember what my sensei taught me and I would not let a kid die when I can do something about it."

"You speak as if the kid was innocent," Mineko almost grinned, the very thought of someone fighting for Fuyu made her want to explode in laughter.

"Doesn't matter what she has done," Tsunade replied. "I treat the sick, not interrogate them. Now you can hand me the cure or I will find a way to get it using less acceptable methods."

"I would do what she says," Shizune warned. "She's been irritable all morning."

Mineko let out an annoyed sigh before she grabbed one of her knives and sliced it across her hand, letting the blood puddle on top of the blade. "I've never needed to make a cure. The poison is transferred from my body, embedded in my blood and my saliva. Synthesize it if you even can, but I won't hold my breath."

Shizune glanced towards Tsunade in concern, "can we trust this?"

"It matches what the girl told us," Tsunade grabbed the blade, but Mineko didn't let it go for a moment longer, forcing the Sannin closer.

"That girl you are so keen to save wouldn't give water to a man dying of thirst," Mineko warned.

"Nobodies perfect," Tsunade said with a shrug, turning to walk away while being careful with the blade.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie felt her strength begin to return not long after Tsunade had left the cure next to her beside with a note that only said:

_Off to salvage my trip. Rest for another six hours. Drink and eat only liquids. I will not heal your broken body a second time._   
_-Tsunade_   
_P.S I expect compensation the next time we meet._

She carefully folded the letter, pressing it against her chest as her forehead rested against her knees. Oddly enough, something about Tsunade's words filled her chest with air, as if she was hovering over her own body and able to see all her past actions subjectively.

For a moment, she imagined her life if she traveled beside Tsunade, helping her heal the sick and gamble her life away around the country. It sounded almost peaceful.

"That's not my path," Anomie whispered, placing the note into her weapon's bag.

At the same time, she had no idea what her actual path was anymore. She was merely walking aimless, hoping she could somehow gather vital information on an organization that she didn't even care about and give all of it to a village that despised her.

It was all rather foolish and pointless, but she could never die peacefully without making some type of amends for all that she had done.

Maybe when that day came, she could tell Kakashi that loved him. Maybe that would be a lie. Maybe it was a fairytale she told him to convince herself they weren't better off apart.

Of course, fairytales were all pretend, used to cover up what she could never make right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ノコギリソウ (nokogirisou) or in English means Yarrow Flower. It symbolizes Good Health.
> 
> I am slightly surprised I'm not out of flowers yet. There are so many flowers that mean sappy things like 'love you forever' or 'endless jealousy' which are two themes that are not ready to be apart of Anomie's life.


	37. Ran

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX  
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–•–

**WHEN HE WAS FIRST ASSIGNED TO BECOME A TEACHER BY THE HOKAGE,** Kakashi had been certain that such a job was above anything he deserve. He believed that he would get it wrong and that he didn't deserve it. Now, Kakashi found it more than annoying that he was constantly getting teams that failed the simplest of lessons. He didn't understand why it was so difficult for them to grasp teamwork.

"Didn't it take Obito's death for you to grasp it?" Anomie would have said in the past.

Even in his own imagination she never said anything kind.

He was half way home when Gai had jumped out in front of him with his signature green spandex hugging his curves as he posed with one hip leaning out and his pointer finger directed at the sky. Kakashi briefly contemplated which bleach flavor to soak his eyes with in order to forget the way the spandex cupped Gai's lower body.

"Kakashi, my eternal rival, I challenge you," Gai said inching closer without breaking pose.

"Don't thrust at me," Kakashi told him in return.

"I didn't hear you say no," Gai said in return, finally breaking his pose and stroking his chin.

"Let me rectify that," Kakashi said. "No."

"Now, I am sure you are demoralized from the last time I beat you," Gai said in return.

"It was a tie but sure," Kakashi began what he knew was about to turn into an irrational debate on Gai's end, but he spoke anyway.

"Aren't your ready to sow your oats," Gai's change in topic was not welcomed and it was kind of gross. Kakashi began to wonder what prompted him to take this route to get home instead of the quicker route through the hotel district. "Kakashi, my rival, I'm going to teach you how to live."

"No."

"It's about time we have a challenge on the majesty of women," Gai continued, making Kakashi attempt an exit plan.

"You know, as great as that sounds," _I would rather die._ "I actually left the stove on, so I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"Nice try, Kakashi-kun, but I won't fall for that again," Gai replied, wrapping an arm around Kakashi's shoulders.

_I should have gone with the new mission excuse,_ Kakashi thought with a sigh.

Gai walked Kakashi along, but moments later, Kakashi's body turned into a log. "You got me again Kakashi."

On his way home, trying to avoid Gai, he saw Jiraiya leaning against his apartment building, holding a book that rested loose in his fingers.

"Is that what I think it is?" Kakashi's face immediately perked, noticing the title of the cover. Jiraiya smirked.

"Well, if you mean is it my new book, I'm not sure," Jiraiya commented and Kakashi almost immediately had to cover his excitement.

"Don't toy with me. It either is or isn't," he commented in return.

"Not even released on the shelves yet. How good a friend am I," Jiraiya handed it over with a smile, and almost immediately Kakashi snatched it up and turned to the first page.

"Who did you base this character off of?" Kakashi asked, having taken great notice to the detail of the drawing on the cover. Jiraiya merely shrugged, as if Kakashi didn't already know.

"It's based off a woman I met in the land of clouds," Jiraiya replied, noticing the way Kakashi's fingers curled around the book a tad stronger.

"You don't say," Kakashi's voice was in a monotone, but his heart had leapt into his throat.

"She is living well. Peeping on her ended up being quite...enlightening."

"As long as she's not hurt..." Kakashi replied in a hushed whisper, causing Jiraiya to smile and shrug, knowing it would be foolish to say 'as long as she's happy' as he doubted she ever was happy.

"Enjoy the book. It's a steamy one, ehehehe," Jiraiya commented, and Kakashi was happy he had his mask. It covered the nose bleed as he turned a page.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

_The searing pain was a decadent reminder of that night so many years ago, where Ohashi watched over me, making certain that no mistakes would be made to the pronged daggers that surrounded the small silver hairpin on the back of my neck._

Anomie should have always known that her path would go nowhere if she forgot where she came from. To say goodbye to that branding would be like erasing Ohashi's sacrifice and the way she always treated Anomie like a daughter. She was selfless, taking up customers that were known to beat their women just so Anomie could get through her life untainted.

Selling one's body was dirty and harsh, but it had once kept Anomie off the streets where she could have been raped and killed or starved. Perhaps luck would have been on her side and some kind stranger would rather marry the girl, but it was unlikely that anyone would take a wife who had no father and no dowry.

Anomie closed her eyes and rejoiced in the pain of the tattoo being marked upon her skin, making a promise that she would forever hold its branding, regardless of how many times it got burned away.

There were other ways she could have gotten the job done, without stepping foot in another brothel. However, Anomie didn't want anymore blood on her hands when she was still trying to wipe off the blood of the times before that. At one time she had believed that fucking was no different than killing, but after feeling the way an eye can just pop if you squeeze to hard, she discovered that perhaps that was not the case.

Either way, Ide Takeda was a letcher, known for brothel hopping and Anomie was rather talented at getting letchers to tell their secrets. Even the most confidential ones from a high counsel elder like Takeda.

The inside of the Cloud village's brothel was extravagant. Even more extravagant than the ones back in Kemuri; from the luscious green bonsai trees to the round shoji window that Anomie knew to mean 'window of spiritual enlightenment'. The thought made her want to laugh. Enlightenment is likely all these men pay to find, but she knew it wasn't on a spiritual level. The tea ceremony room of Meigetu-in, kamakura was perhaps the only room the Anomie had ever felt safe in for most of her childhood.

But that safety was butchered the day Chiyohana, one of her fellow oiran, was raped and murdered in that same room by a known criminal of killing whores. It took a small amount of coin to allow the crime to go unpunished, and the master was more angry about the breaking of his teacups than the death of one oiran.

Nowhere was safe. In here or out there. Anomie knew that now, and although she was blessed with the ability to kill, she still felt that nervous and childish apprehension creep down her spine. Perhaps she should be thankful that she could still feel fear.

"Your sponsor has filled our pockets with your debut," said one of the lead Oiran as she bowed her head in false diffidence.

"He has been so kind these months to grace me into such a prestigious house as this one," Anomie bowed her head, pins sticking into her hair as ornaments caused her head to feel near heavy. She had almost forgotten just how much weight that this form of beauty bore.

Here she was, making pleasantries about a sponsor that was her own clone and in a dress that could probably get her killed if she ran into one of her enemies. After all, who wasn't her enemy at this point.

"We have been promoting your flower and it has indeed bid a high price," the woman said, and Anomie covered her face with her fan whilst letting out a childish giggle. "Are you not at all curious about the man who bid a fortune for you tonight?"

Anomie already knew who bought her 'flower' without having to ask. Her clones had been running around dropping hints to the letcher of brothels for days now. It was a waiting game now, sitting through stupidity and Oiran customs of never bedding on the first encounter until he has paid his worth in gold.

The custom may have been stupid, but it always proved beneficial, and by the second week he would have probably asked her to be his wife if village doctrine and the Oiran law of no marriage weren't in their way. That was always the significance to the branding of covering the hairpin, a known symbol of marriage, between the death of two pronged blades.

That of course didn't mean that men wouldn't try and own the property they rented. They just couldn't marry the girl if they wanted to maintain their honor, status, and reputation. Anomie knew what future she had been offered when she was free of it.

And even in the span of two weeks, Anomie was back to the same gossip of whose client did what.

"How was Ide-san? You cannot have a man of more experience for your first bedding," Tomoko Yuuki whispered into Anomie's ear and nearly causing her stretched out facade to falter as she fanned her face whilst covering her face to subtly whisper. In front of the two gossiping oiran, the singer on the stage continued her lullaby and men attempted to run their hands through the robes of the Oiran stationed around the room.

"The only thing he is experienced at is crying before, after, and during," Anomie whispered and Tomoko let out a low giggle. _If anyone deserved to cry it was I, for letting that sloppy fatass touch me._

"So the rumors are true," Tomoko stated, holding her tongue. Men were so keen to share their secrets with whores since an Oiran life was so easily forfeited if secrets became known to the public. However, much like an echo trapped in a tight room, the sound would carry to all those who resided in the house, but die the moment the doors opened.

"A little too true," Anomie murmured from underneath the shadow of her fan. _And as far as skill, I would choose Kakashi any day._

Once more, Anomie chided herself for the feelings of which she still couldn't rid herself.

On nights like this, she missed him so much that she could scarcely breathe.

"Someone has bought your company for tonight," the voice of Saya Takahara was a sudden reprieve from the melody on the stage. Anomie stood, patting down her robes as she followed Saya's retreating back towards the back exit of the room, simultaneously catching Ide Takeda's eye as she moved further and further away.

The money for her bed was a rather welcome sight after refusing Ide's company for the night. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and he was likely to shed all his layers to win her favor once he knew he had competition.

Anomie followed the shoji doors, down the halls and past many open windows, overlooking the night sky and the zen garden underneath the bright moon. Saya stopped at a closed door, and for a moment Anomie was reluctant to step inside as a sense of foreboding overcame her heart.

"Is he handsome?" Anomie asked, but ultimately deciding it didn't matter. Saya batted her fan near her chin with a subtle giggle.

"Are they ever?" Saya replied, tapping on the shoji door three times before opening it. Inside sat a man, spinning around a sakazuki cup, lying flat in his palm. His white hair fueled Anomie's memory almost immediately with a sense of calm, but approaching dread. "Umino Hanagumo is here as requested, Jiraiya-san."

"Hanagumo?" Jiraiya stated, glancing towards Anomie with a look for amusement.

"It means 'cloud of flowers'," Anomie stated, stepping inside and allowing Saya to close the sliding door behind her. "Surely someone as educated as you would know."

"I am well informed," Jiraiya replied with a shrug.

"I wouldn't be too certain about that. I do read your books from time to time," Anomie stated, sitting across from him with only the small wooden table to separate the two.

"It is good literature," he replied, his own arrogance slipping out.

Anomie giggled, glancing down with practiced swiftness as she attempted to reorganize her thoughts. Something told her that she could never hope to defeat someone like him as she was now, especially not in the restricting dress and hair decorations that she bore like brass armor, that being they weren't helpful, and instead just shiny, easily broken, and heavy. "I wouldn't say it is literature."

"Still have a horrible personality, An-chan," he replied taking a sip.

"I apologize if I am misreading your intentions of being in a brothel with a woman a quarter, and that's putting it lightly, of your age," she covered her face with a fan.

"As long as you are over 18, according to laws, I am in the clear," he replied, and she let out a chuckle. "Sadly, that is not why I am here."

"Sad indeed. I'm sure those untouched little guys are black and blue from apprehension and loneliness," she replied with a bat of her lashes. "What is it that you want, Jiraiya. I am on an important task so I'd rather not be kept long with frivolous reunions."

"Everything you just said was incredibly rude," Jiraiya commented with a frown.

Anomie dipped her head with a smile, "I'm quite educated as well. What is it that you want?"

"I heard you were sighted here and merely wanted a frivolous reunion," Jiraiya answered with ease as his lips contorted into a grin.

"Last I heard, I was a wanted Konoha criminal. I see nothing frivolous about your presence."

"Are you crazy? You think I'm planning on attacking you in a brothel and taking you prisoner?" Jiraiya replied with a snort, taking another sip of his drink after Anomie had refilled it.

"You don't feel like walking all the way back to Konoha, do you, Jiraiya," Anomie whispered, and he chuckled once more.

"You caught me. It's a four day run and I haven't even been able to sample the local cuisine," he admitted.

"By cuisine you been one of the many many bath houses in the Cloud?" Anomie laughed. "You haven't changed a bit."

Jiraiya shrugged once more, "I like to think I've grown taller."

"Only in ego," she said, standing up and nearing the tatami mat. "Well, how about about it sensei. I've got a body that could fill your pages, wanna take a peek."

"I don't pay for that," Jiraiya actually looked offended causing Anomie to let out a sudden, musical laughter.

"No. You just spy on unwilling victims."

"Do you really want to get into unwilling victims right now, Koneko?" Jiraiya broke apart the friendly mood and added a strain of tension that could fill the room at the mention of the Uchiha massacre. "They say you took their eyes."

Anomie placed her hand on her hip, her smile not disappearing as she applied her weight to one side and shook her head. "I'm making a scrapbook, do you want to see it?" and as she spoke she pointed to her head, just next to her eye, finishing the badly timed eye quip.

"That's in bad taste, even for you," Jiraiya said, shaking his head. "Where are they?"

Anomie heart slightly trembled, trying to forget the way men's eyes would dilate with fear as their lungs erupted with the flames. Anomie doubted anyone knew that she only took the eyes after they were already dead, in the midst of their bodies lighting aflame she scooped them out quick and clean, "who knew there was so much power in Uchiha eyes from dead men?"

"Cut the act. What did you do with them?"

_Likely rumors that she took their eyes and then burned them alive would follow her until the day she died._

"I gave them away," she replied, without a lack of honesty as her eyes focused on the silhouette of trees that rested outside in the garden. The petals would float down into the dark abyss and begin to wilt, not long after leaving the branches.

"You gave them away."

"I believe I just said that."

"You actually gave them away."

"Really?" Anomie scoffed. "What was I really going to do with them? The scrapbook idea ended up being a complete failure. Who knew, right?"

"I should be surprised that you're making jokes about all this, but I'm really not," Jiraiya replied, causing Anomie to sit back down across from him, simultaneously loosening her obi. The tension in the room was palpable, but Anomie was trained to cut through tension with wit and entertainment. After all, many customers were too shy to talk.

"Now, don't be rude, Jiraiya," Anomie chided with a wry smile. "You are not a saint either."

"I'm certain I've never killed a child," he replied and Anomie scoffed.

"Maybe so, but you would probably be up and ready to sleep with someone who has," she playfully opened her robes, revealing the smooth cleavage and more of that pale white make up that covered her skin like armor. Upon opening her robes, she saw his nose slightly dampen red before he covered it by taking a drink.

"Don't be crude," he commented and she laughed once more. "Not everyone wants to get into your pants."

"We both know that's not true," she stated with a smirk, leaning over and lowering her voice into a whisper. "And I'm not wearing any pants." She lowered her hand to her lap just a little too slowly, "No underwear either."

His nose dripped with blood like a waterfall, and he nearly fell backwards with a perverted snort.

"Look at that, Jiraiya-sensei," Anomie felt the act sicken her in a grotesque dance, but she knew that seduction was Jiraiya's only exploitable weakness. She wasn't ready to die and she certainly wasn't about to die in a _fucking brothel._ "Does that happen every time you get an erection?"

"It isn't going to work. I have no desire for a fight. You don't have to do that," he stated, trying to stop the nosebleed. "As amusing as your act of seducing me has been, I, Jiraiya the-"

"You don't have to say your title. I know who you are," she raised her hand to stop him from continuing, causing him to frown.

"You never let me finish," he muttered.

"From the looks of all that blood, I'd say no one lets you finish," she retorted.

"Your personality is the opposite of cute," he retorted.

"I read your new book," she replied, and he froze. "Oddly enough, your main character has white hair, an uncommon color."

"I have white hair. That doesn't mean anything..." he retorted and she gave him another sweet smile that didn't seem genuine when matched with the long nails and glint in her eyes.

"I suppose I won't mention her ability to turn into fire and fact that she is a prostitute. I'm not judging you for making me your muse, sensei. I've been known to pop into a wet fantasy or two. I didn't become the love interest of your top selling book because of my cute personality, now did I?"

Jiraiya leaned back with a sudden bout bout of laughter. "You got me."

"I am only curious," she leaned over, having a moment of genuine amusement. "If you know someone with breasts as big as Tsunade, why would you use my image?"

Jiraiya looked horrified. "Do you realize what that woman would do to me if she caught even the rumor that I did such a thing?"

"So you've tried?" Anomie asked, deducing her conclusion by the tone in his voice.

"When did you meet Tsunade?"

"That's besides the point," Anomie waved off his question.

He took another drink or his sake before chuckling, "you really are trained on the art of conversation, aren't you Anomie? I nearly forgot the reason I walked in here."

"Can I tell you a secret? Especially considering we have established that you weren't about to start a fight a brothel filled to the brink with Cloud Ninja citizens and elders. Scandalise what kind of damage such a thing between a Konoha sannin would bring to village relations."

"If the secret is the color of your panties, I am not interested."

"Didn't you publish a book titled 'Color of her Panties'?" her question was met with a shrug. "Either way. I am still wearing the same amount of underwear that I was five minutes ago."

"What's the secret?"

"Come closer sensei," she murmured in a low hush.

"Don't call me sensei," he muttered and she smiled.

"Why? I think it's kinky," she said with another smile as he came closer.

"Shut up," he muttered again and she grabbed his chin and maneuvered his face so his ear rested against her lips. "What are you-"

"Shush, I never know if I'm being watched. I gave the eyes to the Akatsuki. A man by the name of Tobi. Be weary of him. He is not what he seems. Tell Sarutobi that I had no choice." Anomie, for extra emphasis on the act, ran her lips over his jaw and met his eyes.

_It was either I gave the eyes I had, or he would butcher the rest of the clan for his own._

Jiraiya searched her gaze for a long time and she began to wonder if she made a mistake in sharing her secrets. However, she didn't know how else to gain his trust and avoid conflict.

Maybe that wasn't true. Maybe she just didn't want him to completely despise her like everyone else did.

"I should have known," Jiraiya commented with a smirk, managing to control his nose bleed for the time being.

"Well, since I obviously cannot satisfy the Great Jiraiya the Toad Sage, would you like me to send someone who can?"

"I don't pay for that," he repeated.

"Sensei, trust me, you will be doing these girls a favor. An attractive and talented ninja in their bed instead of a corrupt old man high in the village counsel," Anomie said, leaning over and brushing her fingers over her loose strands of hair. "I'm trying to pay you back for your service in training me."

"You are an odd kid," he replied and she shrugged.

"Jiraiya," she said, standing up and walking to the shoji doors. "I wanted to thank you. One last time for the road, I will say, thank you."

Jiraiya didn't say anything for a long moment before he closed his eyes and drowned down the rest of the sake. "I don't see why you are going down this path. You had so many chances."

Anomie's brows furrowed and her head turned, catching his eye. "The way I see it, this was the only choice I had."

"Don't delude yourself," Jiraiya replied, causing her body to turn towards him completely as she leaned her back against the thin shoji doors.

"I could think of a million things I could have done differently if given the chance, but lamenting over the past will not make my future any brighter," she said, turning back around and opening the sliding door. "There is no going back and it's too late for regrets."

"Do you have any?" he asked, just as she was about to close the door.

Kakashi's face drifted into her mind, as did a life she knew would never be hers. She thought of his smile as he kissed her forehead or the way his hair would stick out in every direction as he woke up next to her. She fantasized how their children would look like or the face they would make as she made them food. She thought about what she would name them, Rin and Obito. Maybe she'd have more children if she could. The fantasy didn't matter since dreams were all pretend.

"Too many to count," she whispered.

"Is there message you would like for me to deliver?" Jiraiya asked and she thought of so many in that slow hesitation.

How could she ever show her face to Kakashi or voice out her regrets when all she had ever done was bring him pain? "No. I'll take my regrets to my grave."

"There's no going back," Jiraiya agreed and Anomie scanned his face over and over before she found herself smiling.

"What cynical person told you that?" she asked and Jiraiya shook his head, a sad smile lingering on his lips.

"A woman who I will probably never understand," Jiraiya replied.

"She doesn't sound so complex," Anomie said, feeling the weight lift from her shoulders, even if it was only a little.

"Complex and cynical," Jiraiya's disagreement made Anomie's smile widen.

"As long as she's very pretty."

"She has that going for her."

Anomie found that beauty was becoming her only redeeming quality. "That would be enough. Goodbye, Jiraiya."

She was thankful for his acceptance. It felt almost freeing to know that at least one person didn't completely despise her. This would be enough.

It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is titled 蘭 (Ran) or Orchid, which is a symbol of the exotic beauty. It symbolizes refinement, thoughtfulness and mature charm. It also symbolizes proud and glorious femininity. 
> 
> I toyed with the order of information in this chapter. The beginning half happens after the second half because for one, I wanted to begin with something light hearted and humorous, and two, I felt like it would make the chapter run smoothly.


	38. Tsuta

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN  
____________  
–•–

**IN HINDSIGHT, ANOMIE MIGHT HAVE A SMALL CHANCE IN A FAIR FIGHT** against even that of Orochimaru. Still, he had never been one to fight fair.

"It has been a long time, Fuyu-chan," Orochimaru's voice made Anomie want to stab him, but unfortunately, with them both being projections that scenario was very unlikely. The rest of the Akatsuki surrounded them in a circle, making the room grow with tension that likely didn't much affect the sociopaths that resided in league with the red clouded cult.

"It has, and yet it feels like I see you everywhere. The assassination attempts have been been very funny," she clicked her tongue and raised her hand to hold up a circle of praise with her pointer finger and thumb.

"I don't believe I know what you are talking about," Orochimaru replied, and Anomie scoffed with a slowly growing smile.

"Of course. What was I thinking?" she said, hearing Kisame chuckle from next to her. He didn't look too different from last time she saw him nearly snapping Tetsuna Hyūga's neck on the bodyguard mission so many years ago. "Did the abdomen wound heal okay?"

"I lived," Kisame replied with a grin at the memory of Anomie's fist puncturing through Tetsuna's chest in order to wound him. "Your comrade, however, did not. I never got a chance to say how amusing that was."

"Was that not the mission that got you suspended, Fuyu-chan?" Orochimaru's voice made Anomie's eyes narrow.

"No. Funny story. My suspension was brought about because some manipulative asshole with a scalpel and minimal medical knowledge framed me for killing quite a few children," Anomie retorted with just as much sarcasm.

"Minimal medical knowledge," Orochimaru snickered, but Anomie was able to see that she had at least offended him.

"Tobi is here and is a good boy," Tobi exclaimed as his hologram appeared in their very unhappy circle.

"Anomie is here and wishing Tobi wasn't," Anomie retorted with a roll of her eyes, having had quite enough of Tobi's playful and so obviously fake demeanor. Simply put, she trusted him less and less everyday.

"I thought we were friends, An-chan," Tobi said in a pouty voice.

"Fuyu-chan hardly can keep a friend," Orochimaru said with a raspy chuckle.

"I seem to recall that your friend has tried to kill you a couple times. Maybe you've heard of him? White hair? Likes boobs a little too much? Probably overcompensating in some shape or form. I would not insult my lack of friends, considering you can barely keep a specimen alive let alone a friend," Anomie replied, an Kisame chuckled from next to her.

"I think what you two need is a nice and friendly fight to the death," Kisame said with a sharp toothed grin.

"I'll show you something nice and friendly," Anomie promised him with a quick lash that made his sharp grin widen.

"Can you guys just cut to the point of this meeting. I have better things to do," Sasori interjected.

Pein opened his mouth to speak, but moments later, Anomie let out a gasp as a white bone stuck out of her shoulder. "Oh you have got to be kidding me." She glanced towards the smirking Orochimaru with narrowed eyes before she began to undo the Jutsu. "You are a serious dick."

She came back to consciousness with a frown as she held onto her shoulder where the bone protruded in the exact same place where she had gotten stabbed the very first time by that kodachi wielding jackass who had just gotten finished murdering Ohashi.

"Kimimaro," Anomie greeted, letting out an obvious wince as she began to pull out the sharpened bone. "Dick move, seriously. Dick move."

The blood spurted from her shoulder with no reprieve as she undid the bandage that rested around her upper thigh. She tore off her Akatsuki coat in order to reveal that pink skin with smoldering blood creeping around the edges. She quickly wrapped it in a bandage, her eyes not breaking from Kimimaro's stare.

"Kimimaro, aren't you tired of Orochimaru's endless orders by now?" she asked and he took a step forward, causing a slight forewarning shiver to run down her spine. "This kind of mission is beneath you, and yet he sent you anyway."

"You're wrong," he replied, holding out his palm as a bone shot through his wrist and became his sword. "I offered. I wanted to be the one to find you."

Anomie's eyes slightly softened at the kid, no older than 10 years old, preparing to live for a man who had no loyalty to anyone but himself. "You did tell me that you would chase me to the ends of this world."

"I did."

"But I didn't say I would make it easy," in moments her hands flew up and made a couple seals, forcing her to spin around as fire danced at her feet. As she spun, the fire soared towards Kimimaro unsuspecting figure like a barrage of needles coming from her fingertips.

He fell for the distraction, jumping backwards as Anomie turned into smoke, creeping into the trees and hiding in between the leaves. Looking through the haze of smoke at Kimimaro's frustrated face was rather amusing and it helped that she was still trying to reorganize her tolerance for pain. It was surely going to be painful to become corporeal to the feel of a wounded shoulder.

"Are you going to hide the entire time? Is the Anomie I met just a farce or have you always been such a coward?" Kimimaro asked, and Anomie wanted to scoff.

_Who stabs an unconscious person, only to lecture them on being a coward?_

But of course, she could not speak. She slowly crept back through the thicket of leaves and onto a bigger tree branch. She reorganized the cells in her shoulder, attempting to close the skin upon turning corporeal. Her feet descended against the tree branch, and slowly her upper body turned back into flesh. She glanced at her shoulder, finding she had at least managed to close the skin, no matter how weak that boundary was and how easily it could be broken once more.

"Anomie, hiding won't change anything," Kimimaro told her, and Anomie slowly grabbed her summoning scroll, one simple hand sign away from releasing the Ho'ou. However, as her fingers brushed against the scroll, her eyes narrowed.

_No. I will kill all of Orochimaru's allies with the power he had bestowed upon me_ Anomie's thoughts were morbid, and to this very moment she had no ill will for Kimimaro. However, she was quite tired of men attempting to control her life. _I always knew when men were trying to deceive me, and yet I never try and stop them._

The curse mark burned across her skin and overtook her, until it felt like her body was on fire. She squeezed her eyes shut, and let the blood lust overpower her. Her feet kicked against the branch, breaking it off as her hands made movements to draw her katana before her brain could commend her actions. Her blade connected with bone, and even her shoulder no longer bothered her.

"You're using the power he gifted against him? How low can you sink?" His voice was calm, but Anomie could see him for what he was: a child. And this child, under Orochimaru's domineering and manipulative thumb, would do nothing but become a monster. After all, Orochimaru turned her into a monster.

Or perhaps Anomie had always been a monster. Perhaps it doesn't even matter, because she was a monster now. How it happened didn't mean a thing.

"Low enough so I can meet him in hell," she answered, shoving Kimimaro back, just in time to notice a piece of bone had sliced across her cheek. It didn't make her feel a thing. It was like all her pain receptors had been turned off and she knew that it was dangerous, but everything was turned off so she couldn't find it in herself to care.

"The time for talk is over, Anomie," Kimimaro said, and in moments the ground erupted with sharp bones, forcing Anomie to jump back to avoid being impaled.

"You're really going all out," she whispered just as a bone motioned to pierce through her heart. Like a rock going into the ripples of water, the sharp and steel like bone sunk into a cloud of smoke. The next few did the same thing. "Kimimaro, you cannot beat me with taijutsu. Surely you know this?"

"You are overconfident. Weren't you the one who taught me that arrogance was a strong component in the greatest of losses," he said, forcing Anomie's lips to curl. The black lines that covered her arms must have curled around her heart as well, because while she knew that he was correct, she didn't care.

It was liberating. She didn't love anything, she didn't even hate anything. There was this emptiness that reminded her of the days when she would first put on her Anbu mask and have purpose, before that same Anbu mask became an endless joke at her expense. That was all just gone.

"When you grow up a little, you will see that everybody has ideals to spew your way before they contradict every one of them under a swift act of hypocrisy." Anomie lifted her hand, seeing the black swirls had started to turn her skin blue. She felt for the Chakra in the air, cupping at her palm and in moments the air itself lit aflame as if she had dispersed a million tiny bombs, smaller than they eye can see. In the right hands, oxygen was a simple thing to turn deadly.

Kimimaru's bones acted on their own, and by the time the air ignited around him, his bones that remained in his ribcage had curled around his entire body and spread open, flat enough to encase him.

By the time she had a moment to move, she was greeted with his face covered in black lines, much different than her own. However, it didn't stop there and in moments they covered every part of his face until his skin was blue.

"Kimimaro," Anomie whispered as his body began to warp. "Is Orochimaru really worth this type of power?"

"You would never understand. You know nothing of loyalty or friendship," he said in return.

"Don't assume I do not know loyalty just because I have no one left to be loyal to," she answered, her eyes blank as the power of her curse seal began to retreat.

"Are you giving up? Running away?" Kimimaro dashed forward, but just as he went to strike her, her smoke body went through him and she walked away behind him. "What happened to that bloodlust?"

"It's in here," she pointed to her heart, and he noticed that her kimono was ripped. If he looked hard enough, he could even see the bags under her eyes. "It is my choice if I make it known."

"You think I will let you escape?" His speed was astounding, and bones leapt from his arms to rip her in half. She let them all pass right through her and she could see that her own kekkei genkai was beginning to make him angry.

"I don't want to fight you," she said, and his teeth clenched together.

"You have no choice. There's no going back. Die Iburi Anomie," he said, and in moments his speed increased tenfold, making it difficult for her to dodge the bones that came her way. She twisted her waist, finding that she wouldn't be able to keep going from incorporeal to flesh fast enough to dodge every one of his attacks.

If she stayed as smoke completely, his bones would decimate her into a barrage and there would be nothing to keep her together. With his curse mark, it would take too long to wait for his Chakra to give out. She couldn't stay on defense forever, but she also didn't want to kill him. So what did she want? She never knew the answer to that question.

His finger tips pointed straight at her, and in moments the bones in his fingers became stronger than steel, flying right at her. If she used her curse mark, she knew she would end up killing him. She no time to summon the Ho'ou. If she turned completely into smoke, upon becoming flesh her body's movements would slow, just enough to give him the chance to take her life. All her options left her dead or killing him, and of course, she held no regard for her own life.

Everyone would be better off if she died here. Kakashi could move on and get away from the memory of their kiss. He always deserved better than anything she offered. It would be better this way. Maybe she'd even see Rin again. Maybe Rin would forgive her.

"No," she murmured moments before wood rose from the ground, taking the blow and simultaneously knocking her back. "The fuck?" The wood covered her like a cocoon, as if she was going to spring out like a butterfly. She raised her hand and rubbed it against the bark, feeling the concentrated Chakra underneath the surface. It reminded her of something Sarutobi Hiruzen had told her that night so many years ago, just before the day she murdered the Anbu pursuit force, all for Orochimaru. She told herself she did to gain his trust, and perhaps that was true, but perhaps there had always been some part in her that hated Konoha. "What did you do to me, Orochimaru?"

Kimimaro's arm looked like a spear when he tore through her wooden barricade.

"You are full of surprises," he said, his eyes blazing as he raised his hand to end her life.

"And you are so predictable," she whispered, her body erupting into smoke as she took advantage of his arrogance to fill his lungs. He buckled back, and her Chakra filled his body. "I told you. Arrogance is a downfall. Your attacks are still too predictable. You're fast, but you're too direct. Fighting is a dance, treat it as such."

"Why are you giving me advice? Kill me already if you are going to spend this entire time talking me to death," he said, but her Chakra was already working its way up his bloodstream, fighting off his curse seal and forcing him back to normal. His knees buckled as the strength the earth seal had given him vanished.

She escaped his body, catching him by the shoulders before he could fall. "I don't want to kill you, Kimimaro." He attempted to shove her away, but she was stronger. For now at least. His strength doubled everyday, and someday in the future, he too would surpass her. However, currently he was only a child and she had time to prepare.

"Let me go," his hiss was strained, and his eyes were cold.

"Run away with me, Kimimaro," she whispered, leaning down and meeting his gaze. "Find your own purpose. Orochimaru will use you until he takes every last thing that makes you strong. He will suck the life out from you, so...run away with me."

"Orochimaru is my only purpose," he replied, and Anomie's eyes squeezed shut. Maybe if Orochimaru had gotten to her earlier, she might have ended up just like this boy. "Come back with me. This ability you have...wood control, he would covet that. He would accept you back and forgive you, so come back."

Her eyes widened, but she knew she could never do that. The thing inside her that told her to live for Orochimaru, that had just been a farce, a way to find a place to belong. Orochimaru was not her salvation, and she hated him. She hated him for isolating her in Konoha. She hated Danzo for sending her on so many missions that made her kill so many people. She was done serving men she hated.

So she couldn't go back to Orochimaru because if she did, there would be no redeeming herself. She would never be able to face Rin for as long as her hands were still dyed red.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes closing just as she disappeared before his eyes. His Chakra was depleted after she forced his curse mark into retreat, so he could only watch her disappear.

•

It was during the night of the Uchiha massacre, where Kakashi stood, motionless and without action at the damage that Anomie had wrecked in havoc. He began to wonder what stupidity and deranged judgement that could ever keep him thinking of this woman. It was foolish and irrational and yet he couldn't stop. Even now, there those feeling were, but he could only try to make them become nothing.

They were meaningless, but she was right about one thing. "There's no going back." He glanced up at the grey sky, filling with the aftermath of smoke. The black that had lit the clouds in ash was only just starting to depart by the time the Anbu ninja had brought out the last body. It was of a man that Kakashi could just barely recognize. Uchiha Fugaku.

Kakashi watched Itachi Uchiha stagger to his father, his eyes unreadable but his fists were clenched at his sides by the time a little boy came rushing forwards. "Father!"

"Sasuke get back," Itachi's voice was calm, and in moments he had covered Sasuke's eyes with a speed that not many could possess so quickly after seeing both their parents had been killed.

Kakashi felt a guilt like no other, knowing that this could have been avoided if he had only done his duty. He should have killed off his heart and shoved his blade through Anomie's chest the moment had the chance. She had given him so many chances to do just that, almost as if she wanted him to end her life.

Or perhaps she was mocking him because she knew he never could.

"This one's still alive," Kakashi heard Tenzo said, holding up the unconscious body of a black haired woman. Itachi Uchiha had frozen at the sight of his mother, resting almost peacefully in the the arms of an Anbu ninja. The only sign of the tragedy was the ash that covered her face.

"How is that possible? Every inch of that room was scorched," another Anbu whispered, just as Kakashi had been wondering the same thing.

More than that, Anomie was the most thorough assassin he had ever met. She got the job done, no matter how brutal her methods were, she wasn't sloppy. He had known her almost eleven years, and her attention to detail was her most admirable trait all those years. If someone lived, it was by design.

Itachi had frozen, and it nearly seemed like any move would cause him to break, but Sasuke's arms around his waist kept him strong.

Kakashi shook his head. If Anomie had done this and let someone live, this wasn't some random massacre. He didn't know what it was, but he almost felt he needed a reason not to hate her. That wasn't right. He'd never move on at this rate.

He just had to forget about her entirely.

That was the only way he could live, because he knew she'd never be honest and sometimes, people weren't meant to know the truth.

•

"Please, just keep them coming," Anomie ordered, taking another drink from the bartender of the land of keys.

"Bad day?" said the voice of a stranger that caused her lips to quirk.

"I am so annoyed, I can scarcely breathe," she replied, feeling the alcohol slide down her throat in a timid burn.

"Is this anyway to treat your body after I spent all that time trying to fix it?" Tsunade asked and Anomie turned her head towards her direction with a slowly forming smile.

"Lady Tsunade, if that is your mindset on this, I do wish you would drink less," Shizune's voice echoed from behind.

"Nonsense. I'm fully sober right now," Tsunade plopped down on the seat next to the white haired girl and smiled. "Three bottles of your finest port." At the sound of the order, Shizune let out an annoyed sigh as she sat down, the small pig in her hands nuzzling into her chest.

"I'll pay for it," Anomie announced, taking out a fat wad of coins that may or maybe not have belonged to the man that had once sat in Tsunade's very seat.

"Three bottles, are you serious?" Shizune muttered.

"Ah yes, you do owe me a fair sum of compensation," Tsunade said with a smile as the bartender handed them the bottles of wine.

"That I do," Anomie said, pouring them the wine.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the mannerisms of a a Geisha?" Tsunade asked and Anomie lips curled up as she glanced at Tsunade through the lashes that blanketed her eyes.

"I was a prostitute most of my life," came Anomie's casual reply. "I guess some things just stick."

"Hmm, that sucks," Tsunade said with a shrug as she took a sip from the wine. Anomie followed suit before wrinkling her nose at the sweet taste of the wine.

"Not really. I have excellent manners," said Anomie just before Tsunade and Shizune scoffed. "I wish you two could have excellent manners. What brings you to the land of keys?"

"A Konoha ninja tracked me here, now we're just trying to ditch him," Tsunade explained, and Shizune let out a large sigh.

"Which is a little hard to do if you are sitting here conversing and drinking," snapped Shizune as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Lighten up, Shizune," Tsunade retorted.

"What does Konoha want with you?" Anomie asked, and the Sannin sighed.

"They do this every couple of months when they have an overload of patients for me to treat. I don't think they understand when I say I am retired," said Tsunade, taking another swing of the drink. "I just want to spend my remaining years in peace."

Anomie and Shizune's eyes rested on the wine that sat comfortably on the table. Both of the women's eyebrows raised in response. "Peace?"

"Obviously my idea of peace is different than Shizune's," Tsunade commented, causing Shizune to let out another sigh.

"This much alcohol is not good for your liver, especially at your age," explained Shizune.

"First of all, my age is of no concern. I am at the ripe young age of 26," began Tsunade, causing Anomie's lips to quirk. "Second of all, I am a doctor, and as a doctor I say this is healthy."

"26? How long have you been 26," Anomie asked and Tsunade's lips quirked.

"Too long," Shizune said with a sigh.

"I don't know why you tried so hard to run away, only to sit down and drink with a stranger," the voice behind her made Anomie want to bash her head into a wall.

"Beat it kid, I'm with a friend," Tsunade replied and Kakashi sighed, his eyes not even glancing towards Anomie and she didn't know which was worse: seeing him and still wanting him, or him seeing her and pretending that she doesn't exist.

"Why don't you have a seat and drink with us?" Anomie asked, immediately reprimanding herself for making conversation with him. Of course, she wanted to hear his voice more and more. Maybe it would be enough and if she could see just how much he now disliked her, she could let go.

His eyes darted to hers for the first time, not missing a single beat of his composure as his deadpan hurt far more than hatred. Of course, she played along, scooting her chair for a place for him to sit in between her and Tsunade.

"No. I'm fine as it is," he said, turning his gaze back towards Tsunade. He pulled out a scroll from his weapons bag, tossing it at Tsunade's back, not surprised when her hand snaked behind her and caught it without so much as turning around. "It's a message from the Third Hokage, as I'm sure you already know. Despite what you might say, you are still a Konoha ninja. You have responsibilities."

"Kid when you get to be my age," Tsunade said with a sigh.

"I thought you were 26?" Anomie asked with a slight smile as she took an uncaring sip of her drink.

"Shut your mouth," Tsunade retorted.

"I didn't come here for a lecture. There is a survivor of the Uchiha massacre. We need you to help wake her up." Kakashi's words were obviously said out loud in order for Anomie to hear, and maybe he wanted her to show some reaction.

However, all she did was take a sip from her wine with a glance towards that scroll that now rested in between her and Tsunade. Of course, Kakashi should have known she would keep that perfect composure. He almost wanted to know what rested beneath the mask that she tried so hard to protect.

At this point, he doubted there was anything more beneath the surface. She was empty inside and he couldn't stand looking at her any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ivy (Tsuta) 蔦 - means Friendship, continuity


	39. Kuchinashi

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT  
____________  
–•–

**SHE IMAGINED SO MANY MANY TIMES WHAT THE FABLED SANNIN TSUNADE WOULD BE** like if she ever got to meet her. Anomie would admit, she never imagined a meeting that didn't end in a bloodbath. Still, even in Anomie's underwhelming fantasy, Tsunade was never an angry bitch with a drinking problem, but _you know what they say, never meet your idols._ Then again, Tsunade was never _her_ hero, but rather, Rin who would spend a good portion of her day training to be on par with a woman she never met. 

"Nah," Tsunade said as she tossed the scroll into one of the empty bottles of alcohol. Anomie's brow raised and she contemplated swiping the scroll while Tsunade got intoxicated, but that was probably what Kakashi was counting on.

Something about this screamed a trap, but maybe she was overthinking it. Maybe he just genuinely didn't care about what she did anymore. She stood, paying for the drinks before she patted Tsunade's shoulder.

"Stay safe, Tsunade," she said and just as she was about to leave, Tsunade's drunken hand curled around Anomie's wrist.

"Before you leave, I think you should take this," Tsunade lifted the scroll and placed it in Anomie's hand, much to the girl's confusion.

"What are you-?" asked Anomie and Tsunade's lips curled into a smirk.

"I saw you eyeing it, Koneko," Tsunade replied.

"You know who I am? If that is the case then why are you giving this to me?" she asked with a frown, glancing towards Shizune who had fallen asleep against the bar table with the small teacup pig asleep at her feet.

"There is so much misinformation about you. Everyone thinks you did what you did for Orochimaru, but not a week later he uses such dastardly methods to do away with you," she explained. "Call of curiosity. Call it doctor/patient confidentiality, call it whatever you want, Koneko. I treat the sick. I don't judge them. So take the scroll and do whatever it is that you do. I couldn't care less."

Anomie stared down at it for a moment of silence before she handed it back with a shake of her head. "Her fate is none of my business."

"You make no sense."

"I have been told that," Anomie replied with a smile, turning around to walk away. Her back froze and she shook her head. "You say you aren't going to judge me, but you should. I am not a good person."

"Bad people don't say that, Koneko," Tsunade said, pouring another glass of wine. "Then again, good people don't say that either."

"You and Jiraiya continue to astound me," Anomie said with a smile, turning her head towards Tsunade who had frozen.

"I'd prefer you didn't mention that perverted old man to me," Tsunade hissed, her eyes narrowed in such a way that made Anomie's lips form into a gentle smile.

"You're the same age," Shizune mumbled against the table.

"I'm 26," Tsunade hissed back while Anomie tilted her head with a smile as the sun began to drop past the horizon.

"I am sure you were 26, 26 years ago," Anomie retorted.

"I should have let you die," Tsunade said taking a gulp of her wine.

"So should a lot of people, but here I am, still younger than you," Anomie retorted.

"I would say stay safe, but considering who you are, I doubt that would be appropriate. After all, I am still a Konoha ninja. I have 'responsibilities'," Tsunade scoffed, pouring another drink. "Freakin' kiss ass."

Anomie didn't say anything. She was hoping if she left the subject alone, maybe she'd get through the day without fighting someone she actually cared about. Perhaps she would be able to maintain the last memory of her and Kakashi together as a happy one. Perhaps her last memory of him would become the feel of his cheek under her lips and his fingers digging into her waist.

"Kakashi," she greeted as his arm coiled around hers and they casually joined the crowd of citizens who were either going home for the night, or off to find a place to drink with friends. No one would see nor care if two ninja were about to get into a fight.

After all, this was the Land of Keys, known for ninja battles and criminals in their midsts.

"I would much prefer silence," he told her, maneuvering them into the shadows of the buildings. She let him and she stayed quiet. She owed him obedience; at least for the time being.

She tightened her grip around his arm unconsciously, and when she noticed she began to wonder if perhaps she was nervous. He would not be blamed if he ended her life right there, and everyone would say she deserved it. She had lost every friend and ally she ever had. She was just flesh in a cloak to the Akatsuki. The only thing they would be quick to regain was the ring around her finger, and after that there would be someone stronger to fill its place.

"I'm turning you in this time," he told her and her face didn't change. The haunting and hollowness of his voice left her weak, but this was good. She didn't need the sweet memory of their last meeting. "I'm done feeling guilt for your actions."

Anomie felt him drop her arm, and her side felt cold without his touch. Maybe she should have been surprised by his words, but instead she was filled with a serendipitous memory of his touch. Perhaps he was expecting a fight when he spoke next.

"I'll bring you in, alive or dead," he told her, and in response, she raised her arms up together.

"Place a Chakra suppresser before I change my mind," she said, and he raised his brow and didn't make a motion to do as she said.

It couldn't have been moment later that she felt a kunai coming towards her back. It would have been simple to dodge it by merely turning a part of her body into smoke, but doing so would mean Kakashi might get hurt. There was a very small chance that he wouldn't catch it, but it wasn't one she was willing to make. Instead, maneuvered her body so she could catch the kunai, but she should have expected the exploding tag connected to it.

"Son of a bitch," she muttered, shoving Kakashi back and turning into smoke. The explosion echoed around her incorporeal body. She aligned her Chakra into the flames and compressed it until it disappeared and she was flesh once more. In moments she was knocked back as Kakashi's tanto parred against a solid steel nunchakus that came to strike her down.

Kakashi's strength and speed had always been a major cause for celebration among friends and allies. It was no different now as Anomie was shoved back so he could pair the blow of the assassin who wore the traditional garb of the Sound village, likely sent by Orochimaru once more.

"I'm going to kill him," she grumbled as she dusted herself off, noticing that her kimono had gotten snagged from her earlier fall to the ground.

Her eyes narrowed on the assassin before her body turned into smoke and entered through that person's mouth. She had suffocated many people before, and it had always been as easy as breathing. Once more, she should have noticed this was a trap as the moment she was inside, seals she had not been able to see had activated over the body in which she resided.

Moments later her knees buckled from underneath her and when she saw Kakashi raise his blade to strike her down, she raised her hand. "Wait!"

She tried leaving the body, but she found that she was physically chained to it, unable to form her Chakra. She saw Kakashi kneel down next to her, placing his hand against her cheek so she could meet his gaze. His eyes scanned the body she was in, grabbing her arms and pushing down the sleeves of her shirt and seeing seals covering every inch of her forearms and her neck.

"I'm stuck," she said, attempting once more to leave to no avail.

"That complicates things," he agreed, before he grabbed her wrists, pulling her forward so her forehead could slam against his shoulder. "But it doesn't change the important parts. Goodnight, Anomie." His fingers pressed against the back of her neck, pressing a trigger point that she knew would knock her out. She let him.

She didn't know what she was doing and maybe he just caught her at a weak moment where all she wanted to do was sleep in his arms. Maybe this was the closest she would ever get.

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"I don't think this is really that necessary," Anomie told him as she tilted her head to the side, black hair falling over her shoulders as she grew annoyed with her binding that cut into her circulation. She maneuvered around the ropes that tied her wrists together, and attempted to scoot closer to the tree so she could rest her back against a comfortable surface. The ropes around her legs made that hard and she knew she wouldn't have had any issues if she was in her own body.

This one had minimal strength and hardly any formable Chakra. Orochimaru had done this on purpose, sending his weakest shinobi to become her prison. Anomie couldn't help but be slightly amused with his clever assassination attempts and maybe they weren't all completely not funny.

"I mean, it's not like I was fighting you when you put the Chakra suppressor seals all over me. You really didn't have to knock me out either," she said with a brief smile.

The silence stretched until it was thin and she began to wonder if he actually, truly hated her.

"Do you not believe me?" Anomie asked, and the sudden breeze flew off her cloak's hood, and revealed the full face of the girl whose body she had stolen. He found himself fueled with a loathing unfathomable.

"I would not believe you even if you said that the sun rose in the morning and set at night," he said, and her heart was struck with a pang and her stomach began to ache. It was as if his own distaste for her had clawed out her guts from her insides.

"That's not at all hurtful," Anomie mocked, but a part of her was probably serious. He went back to sharpening his blades and she watched, having nothing else to do.

Maybe she was tired of running. Maybe massacring a clan in order to put an end to coup that could start a war is all she was meant to do. Spending an eternity paying off her crimes didn't sound so daunting anymore and she was tired.

"Why were you so compliant?" he asked after that moment of silence as she stared into the flames next to her feet. He could say he hated her as much as he wanted, but judging by the makeshift bed of blankets underneath her and the fire that kept her warm, maybe he didn't completely despise her.

"Because you asked," she answered, and he slightly scoffed.

"This isn't going to turn out well for you, Anomie. I am not looking out for your best interests. I do not want to help you. I don't feel anything for you," Kakashi said, causing her to slightly pause as she glanced towards his face. "No good deeds can ever make up for everything you have done."

"That's good," she said with a slight pause. How foolish, right when he fell out of love with her, she had never felt stronger for him. That was the fate of an Oiran. That was her fate. "That's all I ever wanted for you Kakashi."

She wanted to tell him everything she had been hiding until she was red in the face and her throat was raw from screaming. But she couldn't do such a thing. She couldn't place that kind of burden on his shoulders and make him choose between his own happiness and being with her.

She knew his future was going to be bright. One day he might even teach students everything he knew and they would go on to change the world and he would aid them. He could be anyone. He could be the Hokage because no one was as strong, as kind, and as _good._

There was so much light in his future and she was only going to bring darkness. So she stayed silent, watching the flames flicker and slowly die.

"Why did you do it?" Kakashi asked and she closed her eyes, sinking into the hood of her cloak. She wanted to lay her head into her knees, feeling exasperated just thinking about the Uchiha massacre.

"There's power in the Sharingan," Anomie told him. "Orochimaru wanted it so I gave them to him."

That wasn't what Kakashi wanted to hear and she could see the last ray of hope leave his eyes. She knew that she should let it die, and that it was better this way, but she lost control of her voice and spoke without thinking.

"Someone could have done it and killed all of them or I could have done it and some could live," she glanced at his face, scanning it over and over until it was embedded in her memory. What she said wasn't necessarily a lie, even if she didn't tell him the entire truth, she at least knew she didn't want to deceive him anymore than she has already.

"You're sick, Anomie."

"I'm sick of this conversation, Kakashi," she said. Her voice was rather soft, and Kakashi was glad it was a different face he was seeing instead of her actual one.

No. Perhaps he wasn't. Seeing her now and still wanting her was torture. It seemed that he was doomed to love her forever.

And he had so much he wanted to stay, but he could not bother with the words. He had to stay strong and he had to let her go. He tried to remember all the things she had done, and the mangled corpse of that Uchiha still remained fresh in his mind. _"This. No this was Koneko's doing."_ He still remembered Tenzo's words that day, haunting him over and over again before his eyes like an illusion or a blur.

"Why did you leave one alive?" he asked and it was a question she too had pondered that night, over and over again because she did not know why she left Itachi's mother alive and well. Maybe it was because she loved her own mother dearly, and briefly seeing a motherly love for her former ally had made her sentimental. It was foolish, but Anomie had her moments of recklessness. After all, that was how she ended up trapped in a body that wasn't her own.

"A whim," she answered, knowing full well that it would make him disappointed. She had worked so hard to make him hate her, and she couldn't stop now just because she wanted him.

The truth of it was, he had already forgiven her. He had forgiven her for everything she had done and could still do long before he met her.

But he couldn't accept such feelings.

She had said this many times, there was no going back and they had no future. She had known that since the beginning and he was only just starting to catch up.

She had long since disappeared before his eyes, but he began to believe that disappearing was all she could ever do. He wanted to find someone else. He wanted to let her go and move on. He wanted that so badly he could scarcely breathe, but he knew that it would always be her.

No matter what happened, what she did, how much time passed...he would forgive her. He would want her and no one else. That was what it meant to fall in love.

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Anomie awoke in the middle of the night with a gasp as her throat struggled for air. She glanced down at her arms, seeing black veins begin to work their way from under her skin like ivy growing into her flesh.

She tore off her sleeves, finding the ivy shaped veins hadn't spread much farther than her seals. She squeezed her eyes shut and plopped back against the pillows. "Fuck," she mumbled in the dark, glancing around to find Kakashi's silhouette somewhere hidden in the distance, and when she saw his shadow clone near the barrier of trees, she calmed down.

She quickly covered her arms with a small amount of difficulty in her covering of the cloak, quite done with Orochimaru and his schemes. Of course, she recognized this poison.

It was called the Thorn Death. Orochimaru had tested its affects many times in the past, on many now dead subjects in the land of fire. It was one of the first experiments she had tried to put a stop to, and she had sent many documents of lab locations to Konoha whilst still under Orochimaru's thumb.

Maybe he always knew that she was a traitor, and this was the punishment for a spy's actions. But this was not how she deserved to die.

The veins were only just beginning to bulge out from her wrists. That was always stage one of the disease and she could already feel her eyes start to weaken, and yet the pain wouldn't let her sleep. So she stayed awake throughout the night.

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Anomie walked ahead of Kakashi's watchful eye as they walked the distance of the misty terrain of the stone country.

"We should rest," Kakashi announced and Anomie's brow raised as she turned towards him.

"We are in Iwa territory. I am not resting here. I cannot rest here," she said, trying to look casual as she leaned her back against the rocky mountain. Iwa was one of the many raiders who destroyed Kemuri's customs and made brothels so popular, just being in the country was fueling her with disgust.

"I don't think you know what being a prisoner means," he told her, and as the seconds passed by, she began to feel more in need of rest. However, she was afraid he would figure out she was poisoned if they set camp.

"I know quite well," she told him, feeling his hand up against her shoulder and pushing her down so she was forced to sit down. It was a welcomed action, as it allowed her to maintain a level of pride, and rest at the same time. He grabbed an orange book from his pocket, leaning against the mountain side.

Anomie tilted her head as her eyes swept over the cover, depicting a girl with white hair and vibrant golden eyes. Her lips slightly quirked, as she kept her cloaked wrapped securely around her shoulders. _Jiraiya, you little pervert._

Anomie glanced once more towards the book, before her eyes shamelessly swept over Kakashi's face. It was strange, she was being kept prisoner, dying, and yet all she wanted was to speak to him like some love sick child. She crushed that desire, finding that she was getting much more talented at getting away from her own wants.

"That cover photo is quite provocative," _damn it. Stop talking, you're making this worse._ "Quite familiar, isn't she?"

"Nope, never seen her in my life," came Kakashi's monotonous reply, and Anomie's eyes softened.

"Really? I've been known to muse the pages of a pervert or two," she said in return, and he clicked his tongue as he turned a page. However, she doubted he was even reading at this point. "The art is a little sketchy, but she does look just like me."

"Nah. She has white hair. Your hair is black," he said in a deadpan, making her lips quirk up once more. Of course, the body she inhabited had hair as black as the feathers on a raven and eyes as dull as dirt. Even the body wasn't as muscular and the chest was larger than what would be appropriate for a ninja in battle.

She didn't know what Tsunade was thinking when she chose the Shinobi life.

"Hmm, quite right, what was I thinking?" she said with a sigh, before her eyes slightly widened as she felt the veins blacken more up her arms. She did her best to control her breathing, but it came out slightly labored for the smallest moment.

Kakashi was at her side in an instant, his fingers pressing against her throat as he felt her pulse. She tried to control her heart rate for that moment, attempting to fuse her original Chakra around this girl's heart, but it wasn't quick enough. "Your pulse is too quick. What aren't you telling me?"

"I tell you everything Kakashi," she replied without a single hesitation that made his eyes narrow. She slapped away his hand with a little bit of dignity that was difficult to maintain with her hands bound together in a rope.

The moment she moved her arms she lost strength and toppled forward, forcing his hands to steady her shoulders. "You are so irritating, Anomie," he whispered, and her eyes widened once more, feeling the pain of her veins swelling gather up her shoulders and to her chest. She carefully covered her neck with her cloak.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me. It doesn't matter even if I die. You aren't supposed to look after my best interest. The bounty is paid, whether dead or alive," she told him, glancing up and meeting his gaze.

"Dead or alive," he agreed, and he left her there, on the ground, making her wonder of death was better than this.

 _Please don't hate me,_ but her thoughts always contradicted her actions. She knew that whatever spark they had was disappearing and even when she desperately attempting to find it, she now saw empty eyes looking at her.

He finally did as she asked and stopped caring about her. She refused to wallow in self pity or get him to change his mind, because this was all she ever wanted from him. It didn't matter how she felt.

The pain of the poison coursing through her veins was a good distraction from how desperately she wanted to speak to him. She didn't look at him again and merely settled for watching the wind blow small grains of dust next to her feet. She felt his hands grip onto her gloved wrists and carefully undo the bindings around them, allowing her to be free to move as she wanted. "Aren't you afraid I might do something?"

There was so much she could do, run away or even slit his throat. She wouldn't do either.

"No," he whispered, and he tried to look away, but the way she looked at him in that moment was too vulnerable. Her fingers brushed up against his cheek, leaning in so her lips neared his as she pulled down his mask. His hand pressed against the curve of her jaw, before his fingers pushed back her chin so she couldn't move forward. "I won't kiss you."

"Am I absolutely repulsive?" she asked and his moved away.

"No," he whispered back, moving forward so her forehead was against his. "But you should be and that's enough."

She didn't answer and just surrendered to the serendipity of his embrace as he pressed up against her. She wanted to imagine that the last five years didn't happen and that they were at the moment where he first said " _I love you._ " Instead of her annoying and positively stupid response, she would hold him and tell him that she was born the day they met.

And she would tell him that she didn't feel alive until the day she fell in love with him.

But that was not something she could ever say and it was not something she could ever change. Her real desire, hidden somewhere hidden in the husk of her heart, still remained unknown. So, she could never develop the selfishness to tell him how she felt until she was certain that the emptiness and spirals of self-destruction had a reason and she figured out why she did the things she did.

Kakashi didn't deserve half heartened feelings.

But now, as the poison threatened to claim her heart and he made it clear that any future between them was doomed, she realized how hopeless everything was.

She could never be selfish and ask for his forgiveness or tell him that ever since Rin died, she believed she'd never find happiness. However, his touch lightened that horrible sadness and she needed that.

"Orochimaru is hunting you, isn't he?" he asked, causing her to freeze under his touch before she moved back.

"Orochimaru is a fool," Anomie answered, moving back as pain shot out through her back. "He will chase me to the ends of the world. In a way, the prisons of Konoha are the safest I will ever be."

"That's why you agreed?" He scoffed, his body moving back completely. "Self preservation to the very end, right?"

"It's what you love about me, isn't it?" Her mocking tone made him angry, and he was tired of the tension.

"Not anymore."

_Please don't love a dead girl in the skin of a corpse. All I can give you is peace of mind at the hands of shackles as I'm dragged into the dank caves of redemption._

Or perhaps Anomie wouldn't even last that long. But that was okay. She can accept the end if it meant that Kakashi would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> くちなし (kuchinashi) or rather, gardenia symbolizes purity and sweetness. They indicate secret love. They convey joy. They tell the receiver you are lovely.


	40. Pinku no Bara

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE  
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**IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THAT ANOMIE AWOKE TO A DAGGER ABOUT** to plung into the soft skin that created a barrier between danger and the vulnerable muscles and organs beneath. Her hand shot out, thankful for Kakashi having released her bindings as her fingers wrapped around the sharp blade in so tight a motion that it was a wonder they weren't chopped off.

Her own blood dripped down her wrist and she felt it splatter against her cheek, leaking over her ear. Her attacker wore traditional sound ninja gear and Anomie had no time to wonder how this ninja slipped past Kakashi's guard. Like a drop of oil, mixing with water, she felt this ninja's Chakra enter her coils before draining her natural energy.

Swift realization swarmed her mind as she felt this imbalance mixed with the poison making it impossible to even breathe. Attempting to beat his strength sped up the poison that already doomed her life.

The man on top of her had eyes like a bear and she tried to activate her curse mark before remembering this body had no such power. Instead, he activated his own. However, it made his eyes go crazy and his face, much like Kimimaro, had begun to turn grey.

Just before he could end her life, he was away from her and Kakashi was in front, his eye filled with the spirals of the Sharingan. Kakashi's gaze darted over to the black veins that remained on Anomie's arms. He didn't speak of it and Anomie hoisted herself up, feeling the body she was in begin to give out.

At this rate she wouldn't survive the week and yet Orochimaru was still sending men out to take her life. _Even worse, he sent fucking Jūgo_. Kakashi removed a shard of bone that was embedded in his shoulder with a grunt.

_Jūgo and Kimimaro?_

Anomie felt a moment of defeat. _There really was no escaping Orochimaru._

Kimimaro jumped out from the trees, his gaze darting to Anomie. "You think you can escape?"

"Do you see me running?" Anomie stood up straight, even if it was difficult. "Kakashi, you can still leave. I made this bed. It is my fate to lay in it."

"Can't do that," he said, as his hands darted forward and activated a swift Jutsu, despite Anomie's best wishes. Since when did Kakashi ever listen to her anyway, even if she tried to look out for his best interests.

She attempted to stand, to maybe give herself up, but her legs collapsed from underneath her and her hands were covered in blood. Her fingers felt like they just might fall off and she couldn't breathe, let alone fight. She could only watch him attempt to fight both Jūgo and Kimimaro, one on two. She saw the years of practice in his taijutsu, and the only solace she could take was that Kimimaro was young and inexperienced.

Jūgo, however, was another story. His attacks were uncontrolled and unpredictable. He had the strength of a person using Senjutsu Chakra. Perhaps he was and this was Orochimaru's trump card. However, what she wanted to know was how he kept finding her so easily.

The first time, with Kimimaro stabbing her through the shoulder, could have been played off as a coincidence, but now it couldn't. There was something about this body she was in that would draw her location like a beacon, shining out into the sky. Worse than that, there was nothing she could do and she couldn't even form Chakra.

"If we had known Kakashi of the Sharingan would be here, we might have attempted this differently," Kimimaro said, and Anomie saw that his breath came out a bit more labored. "Perhaps one on one, I might have lost this match. Your strength is far above my own, but how long can you defend her?"

Kakashi's eyes widened as a bone shot up from underneath Anomie, and he quickly grabbed her as the bone extended up towards the sky. If she had not been rescued, surely she would have been impaled. Oddly enough, even after he almost killed her, Anomie still didn't want Kimimaro to die.

"What are you doing? Leave," she ordered him, and Kakashi dropped her on the ground, before he blocked Jūgo's next attack.

"Nah," he replied, and she attempted to crawl backwards to give him more room to fight. She ripped off her sleeves, staring at the intricate seals that covered her arms and were likely to get her, and Kakashi killed.

It had been a long time since she had ever felt so powerless, leaving her memories of hands gripping her throat as she was raped into the ground next to cries of her mother. It didn't matter how angry she was or how scared. The only thing she could do was watch it happen.

Kakashi held his own for a long time, proving himself the prodigy that others would claim him to be. Anomie had never seen someone fight against Jūgo and all that she knew of him was hearsay and cleanups after his rampages. Perhaps first hand knowledge of his out of control behavior was why she was always so reluctant to let her curse mark take control of her.

"Goodnight, Anomie," Kimimaro whispered as he came up from behind her with a well timed strike.

However, Kakashi was faster and he was ready to block it in an instant. For a moment, Anomie thought that perhaps they could win this fight, but she knew that a good outcome was unlikely when she felt the black veins creep up her next just under her chin. She placed both of her hands over her mouth as she crouched over in order to conceal the scream.

She hoped that she could just be quiet and take the pain inward so she wouldn't take anymore of Kakashi's attention. Unfortunately, he always seemed to notice everything she did and he threw Kimimaro and Jūgo away before his hand ignited into lightning.

Anomie tried to crack open her eyes, but her lids were too heavy with the weight of no sleep and the pain that echoed in her veins. She fell forward, unable to sit upright. Darkness plagued her, but the pain wouldn't let her rest.

Being conscious, yet unable to move was perhaps the most annoying fate. Her heart burned with the desire for Kakashi to be okay, already certain that she'd never forgive herself if she got him hurt or even worse, killed. Her stomach quaked with hatred for Orochimaru and Jūgo and perhaps even Kimimaro, but she could do nothing and her body was numb up until the sounds ceased.

She attempted to open her eyes, but the veins had already swelled over her face. There was nothing she could do and she couldn't speak. She felt someone's hand brush against her cheek and she wondered, for only a moment, if she had perhaps gotten her wish when Kakashi spoke.

"You have to wake up," he whispered, and Anomie heard the desperation in his voice. Orochimaru was cruel, but lamenting on the snake would not cure her or let her open her eyes to see Kakashi one last time. Nothing would fix her. "You have to tell me how to help you."

She felt his forehead rest against hers and she felt moisture in droplets, fall down her cheeks. She wanted to speak or at least wipe away his tears, but of course, she couldn't move.

She had contemplated suicide many times in the past, and at times, she had nearly caused her own demise. However, the human desire to live was always too strong to block out and she was rendered trapped in the loop of breathing. Perhaps, everything she had ever done would have led her here, and perhaps no matter what she did, Orochimaru would have always been the cause of her demise.

Now that she was here, she had never wanted to live so badly. Even as she felt the veins curl around her heart and took away her ability to breath, she still wanted to live.

_I want to live. I'm not done. I can still do so much. Please._

But of course, maybe dying would be easier than the way her life had been. Maybe it would be the easier path and this world was finally giving her an out.

She would never willingly take it. The easy road is fruitless and for the weak.

The body she was in shut down and Anomie could feel the organs fail and the seals deactivate. The pain numbed until it was just her, laying inside a dead vessel.

 _Orochimaru_ Anomie thought with a rush of anger as she felt the last seal deactivate. One move and she would be free to leave, but she felt fueled with a thick rage spread over her mind like a blanket. _Sadistic, egotistical bastard._

Kakashi's voice broke that rage, and she felt it as the blanket of hate tucked underneath her subconscious. "I hated you," he said, holding her in his arms as the sky began to brighten from above them and the sun came up from the mountains in the distance. "For a long time I hated you. Even when I loved you, I still grew sick at the mention of your name. But I could never forget you, even when I thought I would never forgive you. You are probably used to people saying they can't stand you, and perhaps you never felt anything for anyone."

Kakashi's voice sounded empty, nearly monotone, and Anomie wondered if a part of him was relieved to see her gone. Maybe her death would free him from the shackles she had wrapped around him.

"I hate you Anomie," he told her, and she grew thankful that her body was smoke and she couldn't feel anything in her heart when she was incorporeal. Perhaps his words might have stung. "But I love you just as much. You can't be dead. Wake up. You have to wake up."

She began to remember things she had tried to forget, like the way his stare would darken before he pulled her closer as they kissed. Or the way he would always make enough food for her, even when he told her he didn't want her around. Or the way he would brush her hair out of her face when he thought she was sleeping.

She remembered the way his eyes had been so confident and focused when he said that he loved her. She had been told those words many times in the past, but none of it felt real. People usually loved the skin and the flesh and the voice. If they knew what wicked thoughts ran through her veins like a gushing flood, they would not be so keen to embrace her.

Kakashi probably always knew, and yet he was still able to sound so confident, even now.

"You can't die," he whispered, over and over.

Anomie couldn't understand how he could still love her. Even to this moment, all she could do was hurt him and it almost seemed like she couldn't stop. She could leave this body and reassure him that she would be alright, but maybe that would be selfish. Maybe she should let him think she was dead and become a shadow so he could move on.

"I love you," he whispered it once more as smoke blanketed the ground around him and the body. Perhaps he would have seen if his head wasn't buried in that body's neck.

She stood behind him, tempted to just embrace him when she noticed the wounds that decorated his body. Those were her fault and she knew it. Deep inside her rib cages resided her rotten heart that didn't deserve such devotion. A part of that heart still remained red and beating, and while most of the time she ignored it, this time she listened. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her chest against his back as she took in his warmth, the way he smelled, the feel of the back of his neck against her forehead. She took in all of it and said the words she had been fighting back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against his frozen back. Before she could have time to react he had already turned around, leaving the body on the ground and his hands had already wandered to her cheeks and to her forehead and to her neck.

It was as if he couldn't believe she was in front of him and she couldn't believe it either. All she knew was that she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anyone, and their close proximity wasn't enough.

"How-" he began to ask, but she didn't care. She reached forward and kissed him, not even patient enough to take off his stupid mask. He pulled it down for her and his fingers tangled into her braided white hair, pulling out the ties as his chest pressed against hers.

It was clumsy and uncomfortable and her bare knees were sinking into the grass. Even the bandages around his shoulder weren't enough to sway her away. She pulled back, before she stood up to get some distance, and her chest heaved up and down. He glanced up at her before he stood and took a step forward as she took one back.

She wanted him. That much was obvious, but doing anything would get him anywhere. The look in his eyes told her that he knew what was on her mind. He took another step forward. "I don't care about the future. Just you, here and now is enough," he reminded her, and he placed his hand against the side of her neck and pulled her forward so their lips could connect once more.

It was gentle this time, slower and as his hands traveled over her back she felt a shiver run up and down her spine. Where he touched ignited like fire, and she burned in arms by the time his hands ran over her hips and grabbed hold of her upper thighs so she could wrap it one around his waist. He held her up and she barely took a break before she felt a tree rest against her back.

There were no words. Likely they had already said them all and what remained was best left unsaid. His hands were warm, even though hers were cold and shaking. He placed his forehead against her neck, allowing her arms to remain around his back, her forearms in between his shoulder blades.

"You woke up," he whispered, and her lips tugged up, wondering if he would be angry if she told him that she almost didn't.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and her eyes ran over the bandage that showed his blood beginning to take over the cloth.

It had been a long time since she had seen him smile, and she had nearly forgotten the way his eyes would crinkle and the way his head would slightly tilt. All she had ever done was give him pain, no matter how badly she wished otherwise. Perhaps that was why the weight of her heart decreased when she heard his throaty chuckle, resonate against her neck.

"I am starting to get insulted," he told her as he leaned his head against hers. "I've told you over and over again that I love you. At this point, I hate to think you don't believe me."

"How can I?" countered Anomie while she held her hand up to his face. "You still don't know anything about me."

"I know enough. The good," he leaned closer, brushing his lips against her jaw over to her ear. "And the bad."

It was as if the world had exploded when he kissed her again. It was as inevitable as breathing, but even when she touched him, he found it hard to actually breathe. Her eyes fluttered shut and he watched them do that, simultaneously losing any ounce of self control he had built up in the past couple months of solitude and resentment.

His hands slid over her cheeks, tangling into her hair before brushing down her neck and cupping her waist. He was lost in the sensation of his nerves as she kissed back with just as much passion, if not more. No one could ever deny that she didn't know what she was doing when she moved her lips. Even the way she gripped his shirt seemed calculated, making him wonder just how long he had been under her spell.

Of course, it didn't matter. She was coursing through his bloodstream and he couldn't get rid of her even if he wanted to, and likely any control he had to be rid of her had disappeared the moment she kissed him.

His hands flattened against her back, pressing her small body against him until there could be no more distance between them. She was already on her toes in order to reach his lips. His hands circled around her hips, running down to her thighs before he lifted her up so her both legs could circle around him and he could get closer.

Even as his hands tangled into her hair, and his hips flattened against hers, he knew it would never be close enough. She was still too far and he still couldn't reach her and perhaps he never would. But she didn't have to love him, even if he wanted her too. It was enough if she wanted him even if he wanted her more.

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Anomie didn't wait for the sun to rise before she sat up, a bit her blanket sliding off her chest as she rolled over to see Kakashi was nowhere to be found and the makeshift camp they had made remained in place.

The fire still roared with life, but that wasn't what caught her attention and rather, a small note next to her head made the flare in her heart slightly spike. She grabbed it, her fingerless gloves crinkling the paper as her hand squeezed.

_Stay safe, Anomie._

She didn't have much time to really process the absence of Kakashi's presence as her eyes darted to the corner, onlooking the partition of trees as Kimimaro walked out from them. She stood, dropping the blanket as her fingers itches with the desire to toss his face into the cinders.

"You and Orochimaru haven't had your fun yet?" Anomie asked with a scowl that seemed permanently etched into her face.

Kimimaro's face was in absence of humor, but still his lips quirked up. "Doesn't seem we had quite as much fun as you." He took notice to her disheveled hair that she fixed with her free hand. "This was just a taste of the torment that Orochimaru can inflict. Obviously you can't run. You can't hide. You couldn't even fight. You can only die a painful and hopeless death, as Orochimaru has shown you."

Anomie felt her shoulders shake, and for a moment with just one wrong glance a person would think she was crying. Of course, they would be wrong as laughter shook her shoulders and quaked into her bloodstream. She held her arms to her stomach, slightly wishing she could have stripped Kakashi for the first time before she was saddled with meaningless conversations with enemies at every corner.

"Please don't tell me that this was a lesson I was supposed to learn," Anomie's laughter ceased in an instant and her eyes narrowed almost menacingly. "Trying to install fear and hopelessness?" She wanted to do so much, like maybe tear out his guts and see if he could still perform his bone Kekkei Genkai when she drowns him in his own blood.

She barely realized the curse mark had begun to activate on her neck, over taking her skin and crawling like a snake up her face. She almost let the bloodlust overtake her before she remembered the crazed look on Jūgo's face when he fought. She remember his recklessness and the likelihood that he wouldn't even notice if he got stabbed if it meant he could continue fighting. She hardly wanted to end up like that so her curse mark retreated.

If she was to kill Kimimaro, she wanted it to be with her own hands, using her own heart.

Whether he dies today by her hands, or in fifty years through old age, it didn't matter. As long as he died, that was enough for her. Instead of all that, she raised her hand behind her back and pulled out her katana.

"Even now? You still choose to fight back?" Something flickered in Kimimaro's eyes, and perhaps a part of Anomie felt something akin to kinship with this boy, but that part disappeared the moment she died from the Thorn Death.

"Orochimaru can kiss my beautiful ass," she told him, and Kimimaro's eyes slightly narrowed. "Funny how much interest he shows when he finds out a new part of me to cut away. How quickly did you go blabbering about the wood release Jutsu?"

"If you won't come back through choice, I will have to make you through force." Kimimaro's arm extended as his bone shot through his forearm.

Anomie's lips quirked upwards as she took a step forward. "I'm quite the talented runner and this talk allowed me quite the head start."

Kimimaro didn't know what she meant until the clone disappeared in a flare of smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 薔薇/ばら Bara means rose. Rose symbolizes love. It signifies love in its various forms. Its symbolism varies based on color, variety and number.
> 
> Pink Rose: First love, Innocence, Healing


	41. Ki no Kānēshon

CHAPTER FORTY  
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–•–

**WHEN ANOMIE WAS YOUNG, HER FAVORITE SEASON HAD BEEN SPRING FOR EVEN** after the harshest winter that matched the white of her hair, spring would never fail to bring its bloom. Kemuri springs were beautiful, summers were short, winters were long, and her mother had died in the autumn. Now, autumn left a poor taste in her heart. This fall, the trees were dipped in color on the evening of November. The leaves were a brilliant hue of browns and golds and reds. The ground was covered in the dead makeshift blanket of leaves, nuzzling and slightly tucked into the dirt. Even the usual summer heat was replaced by the brilliant winds that brushed through Anomie's bangs.

It was a rather peculiar thought on that Autumn morning, weeks after her last moments with Kakashi. Peculiar in that he wasn't in her waking thoughts or taking up every cusp of her mind. It was loathsome how often is face used to do that. Perhaps she was finally headed toward some direction of peace when it came to his name whispering against her lips. Perhaps she was thankful that their last moments were a pleasing few. She got to apologize and then feel the way his fingers would brush up her arm throughout the night.

Perhaps she was happy to know that after a couple hours of pleasing conversation throughout the night, he was still the same man she remembered. They had talked for hours, and yet it felt as if nothing was said. She just enjoyed laying next to him by fire, roaring behind her and watching his lips move. She wasn't even hurt to see he had woken an hour before her, only to abandon her in the forest with only a letter. All of that was pleasant and it awoke a yearning to see him once more.

Although, she doubted another encounter would be as pleasant as their last one. _No, the next one will bloody, looking into his eyes from across enemy lines. That is the path I've chosen._

The future was so uncertain, or maybe she was the uncertain. All of that didn't really matter, and yet nothing mattered more. Even if she was to be a strong woman, and try and back out from the Akatsuki's clutches, from Orochimaru's clutches, Konoha still would never take her back. Even if she wished it with all her being, that would not create a partition for her to walk through and make a home for herself.

Anomie brushed her fingers against the bark, her lips curled up as she felt her Chakra merge in with the wood. Her brain didn't know the technique, but when she placed her hand against the tree and felt her Chakra seeping into the bark, it seemed as if her body remembered it for her.

She always had a talent, perhaps innate, for Ninjutsu. In battle it made up for the fact that her Taijutsu was adequate at best, her Genjutsu abilities were below average, and her medical prowess was garbage. Ninjutsu was often her saving grace.

She felt he power on the tips of her fingers, but maybe only real and true danger would bring it out. Perhaps she only needed to remember what it was like to feel fear, mixed with the yearning to stay alive.

Or perhaps she wasn't meant to master the Wood techniques of Hashirama. Maybe it was not a gift, as little from Orochimaru ever came free, and instead it was a double edged sword that threatened to cut her if she tried to wield it. After all, didn't she have enough power? If she learned to hone what she already had, maybe any more would be unnecessary.

"Thinking rather intensely today, aren't you?" Kisame's voice broke her from the gallows of her thoughts. Anomie glanced towards him from the corner of her eyes, taking in the blue skin and the way his pointed teeth would look much more sharp when he grinned her way.

After the last Akatsuki meeting that was interrupted with Kimimaro stabbing right through her shoulder, Tobi informed her that being on her own was not her best option. However, there were many Akatsuki members she would have preferred over Kisame. Or better yet, she would have preferred none of them, as Kisame was often breathing down her neck, making it extra hard to hide the fact she was gathering information on everything the Akatsuki did.

It seemed as if she would have to wait an extra month to send word to Tsukasa. _Fuck the Akatsuki and fuck Kisame._

"Mm," Anomie agreed with haunting stiffness. "What can I say? I'm low key curious to know if you're fish or man down there." Kisame's grin slightly died down, but Anomie's smirk didn't leave her face.

"You're pushing your luck," Kisame warned her.

"I mean no offense," Anomie gave him a sweet smile that was undoubtably fake. "I only worry the efforts it must be to find an attractive looking fish ready to plant their eggs for you to fertilize."

His grin was back. "Spend a lot of time thinking about my fertilization, Anomie?"

"All night," she agreed with another smile.

"That's not even how sharks mate, you know," he told her and before she had time to move, he was behind her. It wasn't sexual, but rather threatening instead. "First, they corner the female, lure her away, and go for the attack." His fingers ran over her stomach, tracing a line across as if making a motion to slit out her entrails. "After that they use their pelvic fin to inject them."

"Is this a threat or a seduction?" Anomie asked, turning around to face him, mirroring his smile. "Because, my little fin, I assure you." She leaned over, brushing her lips over his jaw as she neared his ear. "I'm better than you at both."

"Merely a lesson, Anomie," he told her, taking a step back. His eyes were filled with a humor that she didn't much care for, but she smirked nonetheless.

"Power in knowledge," she agreed, holding back that trickle of annoyance that spread up and down her spine.

"There's power in power," he disagreed, and this caused her to let out a laugh.

"Well said. Perhaps brute strength against you would not be to my benefit, but Hoshigaki Kisame, you are an honorable opponent. It is perhaps your best quality to never stoop to dastardly methods in order to win. I respect that about you," she walked past him, bumping her shoulder against his, taking notice to the blade behind his back that remained wrapped in bandages. "But I do not share that burden."

"It is quite honorable to admit to your opponent that you plan on cheating in a fight," Kisame once more disagreed.

Anomie chuckled, turning back towards him with a wry grin on her pink tinted lips. "I only tell you, because when the time comes and we do fight, this knowledge will not be of any benefit or advantage."

"Lets just hope we do not fight then, Anomie," Kisame said with an equally wide grin.

"Yes. I suspect our hands are full with a certain client in our wake," Anomie replied, glancing towards the ninja off in the distance. They were a group of scouts from Kirigakure. Anomie didn't actually read much of the details when Kumogakure hired the Akatsuki to kill them since documents or reading weren't really Anomie's favorite subject.

"I do wish villages would handle their own assassinations," Kisame said, taking his sword and balancing it onto his shoulder.

"And risk upsetting that fragile peace treaty?" Anomie scoffed as her body turned to smoke. _This was the way of the ninja world. Betrayal and loopholes in peace._

Apart of her nearly believed these sweet fairytales the Akatsuki spewed. A peace built on the backs of demons and good leaders to keep it. No more corruption or old counsel members who preached hypocrisies about ending world suffering while simultaneously supporting raising taxes to keep their lavish lifestyle. No more old men in charge who talked about equality, only to bed underage girls as if they weren't slaves.

A part of her, this small insignificant flame, wondered if perhaps Konoha's elders had no right to her aid. Perhaps the Akatsuki were not this band of evil doers.

That, of course, was another manipulation that was pulling at Anomie's strings. She whispered over and over and agonized over who to trust because so far, nothing the Akatsuki has done seemed too wrong. The host of a Tailed Beast being murdered didn't seem worse than any of the missions she had received from Shimura Danzo during her time in Anbu.

This was perhaps why Anomie never trusted herself.

She was never able to perceive right from wrong.

That in itself was the reason her hands didn't tremble as splatters of blood coated her palms when she pressed her blade up to a Kumo ninja's throat, slicing it open. The skin parted and his artery remained opened as the sleeve of Anomie's cloak proved to get in the way of appropriate movement. Kisame in the meantime, jumped forward, making enough noise to alert the last two Kumo ninja. At this sign of bravado, Anomie's eyes rolled back as she searched the pockets of the dead Kumo ninja while Kisame prepared for the fair battle.

"Who sent you?" The voice of the Kumo ninja was shaking with fear, and if Anomie had glanced up, she might have seen him tremble.

"Always the same questions, is it not?" Anomie asked over to Kisame.

"Who sent you?" Kisame lifted his blade from his back, not even bothering to unravel the bandages.

"Why are you doing this?" Anomie continued with another roll of her eyes as she pulled out a scroll from the dead man's weapon's pack. She also pulled out his money, considering he wasn't about to use any of it.

Ever since she had nearly died, it had become slightly harder to take a life, but she'd be damned if she let Kisame know of her newfound nightly terrors that hunted her dreams. "All the same questions," Kisame agreed, dashing forward and swinging his blade.

The Kumo ninja blocked it with a kunai, but Anomie could see his arms tremble with the tremor of Kisame's strength. She still remembered that night, many years ago, when she felt the force of his blade against her katana. Like it was yesterday, she remembered his arm around Tetsuna Hyuuga's throat, giving Anomie the choice between her comrade and the mission.

A part of her wondered if she would make that same choice, risking a fragile peace treaty and saving her comrade's life. She wondered if she had perhaps cared more, maybe there might have been a way to keep Tetsuna alive and still complete the mission. Would she have never been forced into house arrest and ultimately continued her life in Konoha?

These questions were pointless, and Anomie knew they meant nothing in the end, but she couldn't help but wonder about the 'what if's' of her life. Getting a Hyuuga killed was not the smartest thing she could have done, and it surely ostracized and isolated her, making her the perfect target for Orochimaru's manipulations.

Or perhaps the moment of her downfall came down to when she approached Minami of Konoha's brothel, and sold herself once more. If that had never happened, perhaps she could have had a couple more years of happiness before the curse mark on her wrist ultimately ended her life. Perhaps she could have spent her remaining days by Rin's side, and burrowed herself a place to belong instead of attempting to force a belonging in a profession that left her empty inside.

There was so many 'what if's' and possibilities that could had led Anomie to a different path where she would not be fighting alongside a sociopathic shark. However, Anomie knew, despite all her regrets, that none of them would have made her happy.

There was a wire crossed, a nerve damaged, _something_ that made pure happiness impossible.

_The fact of the matter was..._

"Are you quite done?" she asked, glancing at the bodies of the two dead Kumo nin at Kisame's feet. Of course, a fair battle or a sneak attack would have made no difference, so why should she waste her energy on honor?

"Did you get the scroll?" Kisame asked, and she held up the scroll that she stole from the Kumo ninja's dead body.

_I am incapable of true happiness because for me, happiness is seeing Rin again. Happiness is being next to Kakashi and listening to Obito whine about frivolous rivalries while Gai challenged Kakashi to a duel. Happiness was my past, that miniscule window of time where Rin was alive and everything was as perfect._

Nothing could bring back the dead, and the war stole everything from her. It stole away her mother and Ohashi and Rin and Obito and Saru.

Now, the only thing Anomie really wanted was a bit of peace and quiet.

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"So what's the deal with you and Orochimaru, anyway? Seems he's sending a lot of assassins out for your head," Kisame asked, as he rested his bandaged blade on the back of Orochimaru's now dead hit man.

Anomie spared a glance towards the dead man before her eyes darted up to Kisame's gaze. She let out a sigh, attempting to wipe the blood off her hands with a towel. "What can I say? He's a walking cunt."

"I just don't see what's so special about you." Kisame's comment didn't sound particularly meaning to cause offense, so Anomie wasn't bothered. Of course, it never troubled her when people underestimated her, and it made it easier to fight them later.

"Me neither. Maybe it's my stunning personality," she said, leaning her hip to the side as she continued to wipe the blood off her hands with no use as the pink pigments had already dyed her skin with dry blood.

Kisame let out a throaty chuckle, pushing more of his weight onto his sword. "Your personality?" His laughter was a bit offensive and Anomie's eyes slightly narrowed.

"I'm sorry, are you laughing about my personality? Stop me if I'm wrong, but at least everything that comes out of my mouth isn't idiotic bravado about a stupid blade and mindless comments on the surroundings, you boring little bitch," she commented to him in return, and she noticed his grin widen, opening his mouth to continue their childish argument.

Their bickering didn't even end when they appeared before the Akatsuki. This time, Anomie made more precautions against surprise attacks before she performed such an invasive Technique such as the Magic Lantern Body Technique, as Kisame told her it was called.

"And my god the snoring," Anomie commented over to Kisame, causing Sasori to roll his eyes.

"You snore too, An-chan," Kisame informed her, making her brows furrow.

"I most certainly do not-" Anomie had been trained to not snore upon becoming a lead courtesan as nothing was less appealing in a whore if she does not sleep in perfect silence.

"If you're quite done." Pein's voice silenced her with a whisper, but considering he controlled the Jutsu, she supposed it might as well have echoed all over the inside of her skull.

"Fuyu-chan, there is a thing called respect," Orochimaru's voice filled Anomie with a sense of loathing, causing a wave of heat to scatter across her cheeks, washing right down to the tips of her toes.

"Eat a dick," Anomie retorted, earning a chuckle from Orochimaru before Tobi appeared, only five minutes late to the meeting.

"Never fear, Tobi is here," Tobi commented, causing a migraine to immediately cloud over Anomie's scalp.

"Can I kill him?" Sasori muttered to himself as Anomie rubbed her temples.

"Not in public," she replied, while Pein's eyes silenced the rest of the chatter.

She knew at least, that only someone immensely strong could keep together a band of people who so obviously hated each other. Perhaps that was why they never met in person for these fabled meetings. Surely it would only lead to actual fights that led to less members to fill out this cult.

"How was the mission?" Pein's eyes were hidden in shadows, but for some reason she knew the question was directed towards her.

"No survivors," Anomie informed him. Perhaps once upon a time saying those words might have filled her with a sense of pride. There was a time she took joy in this senseless killing, back when she hated the world. Now, all she really wanted was peace.

"And the scroll?" Pein asked.

"Burned to a crisp. That information will never make it back to Kumogakure," Kisame assured him with a sharp grin. Anomie wondered, for a brief moment, if any of them enjoyed taking lives. She wondered if it was easier for them and they didn't wake up at first light to clean their blades because everytime they looked at it, it was coated in blood. The very thought was morbid, but Anomie wondered if perhaps they had no trouble sleeping at night.

Perhaps the ninja life was never made for people like her. As much as she tried to deny it, there was a weakness in her veins and it nearly kept her on her feet with little more to do than cry. Perhaps, as much as she hated it, she was too kindhearted for this the Shinobi life. It was a ridiculous thought, considering not to long ago, Anomie had ripped the very eyes from the head of a 14 year old Uchiha boy.

She shook her head, brushing off the image of that boy's stare and the way his blood coated her fingers like oil. It didn't matter how many times she rubbed it off, she still felt it against her skin.

"That's good, because I do have another mission for you two," Pein said, catching Anomie's attention as she stared at his dark silhouette, covered in black like a shadow.

"Of course you do," Kisame said with a sharp grin.

"I would like you two to keep tabs on a certain demon host." Pein's voice was crisp and to the point, and perhaps once it might have put her on edge. "He's quite the observant one if I do say so myself. I would like to know the whereabouts of these demons until we are ready to capture them."

"And when exactly will we capture them?" The voice of Hidan swept through Anomie's head, reminding her that she still did not like hearing him speak.

"War is expensive. I wouldn't want to start one without being financially prepared," Pein said.

"Which beast?" Anomie didn't much care about any technicalities or thoughts on war. When it came to wars, lest she become too agitated and stricken by revenge, she would much prefer to fight instead. Mostly, she wanted to wrap this meeting up so she could go to sleep for a couple years.

"The Four-Tails. He's said to have left Iwagakure not to many weeks ago. I'd like you to find him and keep me posted on his whereabouts for the next couple months," Pein ordered.

"Seriously?" Anomie almost groaned as she noticed Kisame's reaction was pretty much the same.

"Following a Tailed Beast then, Fuyu-chan?" Orochimaru's voice filled her with a moment of rage as his threat remained unspoken.

"As amusing as your banter has been, surely you know, Orochimaru, that attacking a fellow Akatsuki member is forbidden," Konan's voice cut through like glass, much to Anomie's bemusement as Konan hardly ever spoke at these meetings.

"I haven't directly touched a hair Fuyu's beautiful head," Orochimaru said, and even through the shadows and darkness that cover his face, Anomie still knew that he was grinning.

"Very true, unfortunately," Anomie said with a roll of her eyes.

"No matter. If your actions get out of hand, Orochimaru, I might be forced to intervene," Konan said, her voice in a monotone.

"Fuyu and I are as close as can be," Orochimaru said with a chuckle, and in moments, Anomie opened her eyes to the bright world of color where she sat next to Kisame's blue body on the forest floor.

"What an asshole," Anomie muttered as she stood up, glancing up towards the sky.

"You know," Kisame's voice broke her from her thoughts of shoving Orochimaru's face into burning coal.

"Hmm?"

"If Orochimaru does come after you, I can protect you if need be," he told her, and in response, Anomie chuckled.

"And who's to protect you from him?" Anomie's lips curled into a sly grin. "I don't need nor desire protection, Kisame."

"What do you desire then?" he asked instead, and for the first time in years, Anomie actually had a vague idea of what she wanted.

"A home."

She wanted a place to belong. She would sell her soul and her body if necessary. She already sold her life to the Ho'ou, so what more was there for her to do. Nothing but wander.

Konoha wasn't her home.

But Kakashi was, as was Rin, Saru, Obito, Gai, Genma, Kurenai, Jiraiya, Tsunade. They were all her home.

"I didn't see you as the settling down kind of girl," he laughed.

Konoha might as well have been burned to the ground alongside Kemuri. She could never go back to either.

"That's why I'm here with you."

"We're being followed," Kisame's voice awoke her from her riviera hours later as they rested against the welcoming trees and stared into their camp fire.

"Yeah," Anomie whispered, well aware the moment she noticed a small ninja canine, wandering around the village in which they had stayed before. "Konoha ninja are persistent."

"We could run faster," Kisame's suggested, even though he was probably itching for a fight. Anomie scoffed, standing up and stretching.

"I don't run anymore," she answered.

"No survivors?" Kisame asked.

"I don't care."

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Kakashi rolled his eye at something Gai said. It felt like he was doing that more often as of late. Perhaps once he might have said something aloof and walked away, but over the past two years, he had begun to think of Gai in a way he never would have thought possible in his youth. He was a friend.

Perhaps that was why he had no real issue in going on missions with him. The Hokage informed him that perhaps he needed a break from failing academy students, or perhaps the Hokage felt the students needed a break from him. Sarutobi always did make his own personal convictions unclear.

However, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder if the missions he continued to receive were some kind of grand test in attempts to have him make his final and fetal choice against his own personal convictions. Kakashi could never be certain as Uchiha Itachi brandished his katana, taking it out of its scabbard in a swift motion only to begin sharpening it.

Perhaps if Kakashi was less humble a man, he might have been annoyed that Itachi was chosen as captain of the mission instead of him. However, he always stood by the singular principal that in this world, there existed men younger than even an academy student, and yet stronger than Itachi himself. 

"This wouldn't be so difficult if the Akatsuki would only stay still for more than five minutes." Gai was never one to complain, but Kakashi had to agree with this idea. However, if Anomie was easy to find, maybe his own convictions would be much harder to keep.

Perhaps he might have left the confines of the Leaf and rushed to her side like a puppy looking for home. He liked to think that nothing would cause him to betray or abandon Konoha, but she was that nothing. And, of course, he hated it.

Kakashi didn't quite understand what the Hokage was thinking in sending him on yet another Akatsuki related mission. It was a type of faith that the old man had over him, even when he did nothing to deserve such respect. Kakashi, more than anyone, was aware of his own weaknesses. Even his ideals and ninja way to always protect his teammates have often caused failed missions in the past.

Yet again, he was following her shadow, doomed to suffocate from the fire in which he couldn't extinguish. There was no point to even attempt to rid her from the cusp of his heart. She was wedged in like a pronged dagger, and he knew he would bleed out if he tried to remove her.

That didn't mean he didn't have his own pride or personal convictions. His life was his own and despite how he felt for her, he would move away from her shadow. It was attached onto his, but he could move forward without looking down at it every second of his journey. He would live his own life, even if she wasn't apart of it.

"Kakashi, you should get some rest. I will keep watch for the night," Itachi told him, causing Kakashi to glance away from the flame, his vision slightly distorted with blobs of red as the crackling of sparks against the wood departed from his hearing.

For a moment, he thought he would be unable to rest since his body was so restless, but he drifted off the moment his eyes closed.

" _Kakashi,_ " a girl's voice drifted into his ears, disrupting the restless sleep he had fallen into. His lids cracked open as he stared into the eyes of Nohara Rin, smiling before him. "You've come so far."

He hardly felt like he did, with his teammates dead and his friend betraying him over and over again. After all, how many times must he be betrayed before he learned his lesson?

"Kakashi." Rin's voice sounded so far away, and if he was less of who he was then perhaps he might not have noticed. He barely noticed that her lips were dipped in red and her chest had begun to soak like a sponge running through a pool of blood. "It-This isn't your fault."

He rushed forward, attempting to catch Rin in his arms, his mind not catching onto how similar this situation was to the way Rin actually died.

"Rin," he barely remembered saying her name.

"This is..." she whispered," your fault...all your your fault."

He broke from the Genjutsu, awakening to a murderous aura erupting over the clearing. Itachi was already standing with his blade drawn. "We're under attack."

"The Akatsuki," Gai commented, his stance rigid. Kakashi felt foolish for allowing himself to be swept up into a low level Genjutsu, but he was even more upset because the intense amount of details shadowing Rin's death and preying on his own personal weakness that was only known to one person.

"What do we have here? A couple of nuisances on our tail, right Anomie?" Kisame's grin was sadistic, and his eyes were narrowed and ready for any move or attack. He was an enemy that Kakashi did not know, so his eyes were trained on him, not even bothering to search for Anomie who he knew, despite her cruelty, would never cut him down.

Itachi and Gai were rigid, but prepared. Gai rushed forward first, always ready for a fight as he darted towards Kisame. The blue man was fast despite his size, and jumped from the tree branch, watching as Gai's leg shattered the bark. Obviously he hadn't been expecting the bark to reform and wrap around Gai's legs, successfully trapping him.

"What do you know," Anomie walked out from the trees, her eyes seemed much colder than he last saw her. "It's not too hard to subdue a man if said man is a reckless idiot."

Itachi's Sharingan eyes scanned over the wood release Jutsu with a raised brow. "Aren't you full of surprises."

Gai noticed a minute to late that he had been insulted, "I'm going to show you how reckless I can be." He destroyed the wood that caught his leg with quick strength and darted forward to punch the girl he had once asked on numerous dates. Instead his fist met Kisame's bandaged blade while Anomie yawned from behind the shark like man.

"No thank you," Anomie murmured, her amber eyes darting to Itachi and Kakashi. She gave a mock bow before her body turned into a wave of smoke, Itachi quickly turned around and blocked her katana with his own while Kakashi formed a quick Jutsu, creating a quick wind attack to which he knew Anomie had always been weak to.

Itachi was by no means a weakling, and he was quick to retaliate with a ferocious string of Taijutsu that Anomie barely managed to block. Kakashi always knew that she took pride in Ninjutsu, but there was no way she could get out a hand sign with both of them at once especially when spirals of wind, sharp as blades, came rushing at her form.

He didn't want them to hit their mark, but he couldn't afford to waver. From the ground, wood rose like a shield, blocking the attack. Kakashi noticed that the wood release had drained her, judging by the flush that dusted over her cheeks.

_Why use a Jutsu you could not handle in a battle so important and life threatening?_ Kakashi didn't understand her and perhaps he never would.

Unconsciously, perhaps, he had slowed his movements in order for her to pick herself back up. If Itachi noticed the action, he didn't comment on it as he jumped back, avoiding Anomie's perfectly crafted fire Ninjutsu. The girl always did have wide and vast Chakra storages, perfect for Ninjutsu. Kakashi never thought he'd be earnestly on the enemy side of her attacks.

She was unrelenting, and maybe if it had been just the two of them, she might have won. However, she had too many exploitable blind spots. While Taijutsu might be rather useless against her with her ability of smoke, Genjutsu was not.

Kakashi wondered what foolish moves was she acting on to think she could possibly defeat the both of them while Kisame's battle raged behind him. She dropped to her knees the moment her eyes met Itachi's Sharingan, but she did not fall forward as black tattoos spread across her skin. "Look at that," she whispered, the tattoos spreading up and down her arms, protruding from the curse mark on her neck.

When her eyes met his, he began to wonder if she was the same woman he had thought he knew. Perhaps they were players in a game, competing against separate sides of a battlefield. Times of truce were only lies, leading them to exchanging blows. However, he could never regret the way her lips felt against his, or the fact that he had seen genuine remorse in her eyes just before the tattoos engulfed her skin.

They would be nothing more than enemies, balancing on thin wires to get to a point where they could pretend to be friends. In this world, Kakashi didn't know how he could expect any different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ki no kānēshon or called (黄のカーネーション) means yellow carnation. While most carnations mean love and all that shit, a yellow carnation symbolizes disdain, rejection or disappointment.


	42. Higanbana

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE  
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**WHEN KAKASHI FIRST TOLD HER THAT HE LOVED HER, THAT DAY SO MANY YEARS** ago, Anomie had simply not believed him. She didn't believe in love as vibrantly as she didn't believe in ghosts or dragons. Love had always been a fairy tale that little girls dreamt up when they were bored. If it did exist, Anomie always figured that with her luck, it would attach itself onto everyone else and get her killed. So, when she realized that she might love him back, she had wanted to throw up. 

_Why did it have to be him?_ There was no point in thinking such thoughts, but Anomie did anyway. She could never help it. She was backed into a corner, chased by the very name 'Akatsuki'. Orochimaru wanted her head, Konoha wanted her her head, and soon enough, the Akatsuki would as well.

She was often stuck in place, waiting for the ultimate end that she no doubt deserved, but she'd always narrowly escape. The curse mark spread over her skin, and along with it came a bloodlust she tried to quench when she met Kakashi's gaze. She just needed to fight them off long enough to escape. Perhaps if she did well enough, they could take Kisame's life in her departure.

That would make it a win win. After all, judging by the way Itachi avoided using deadly Jutsu, it wasn't her life that he was after. She ducked underneath Kisame's clumsy swing of his blade, letting out a gasp as his weapon narrowly missed her neck.

"Oops," Kisame said with a sharp grin that made her blood boil in her veins as her curse mark spread further along her neck until she was covered in undeniable power that threatened to consume the last bit of light that rested on her black heart.

"Your teamwork is trash," Kakashi said as Anomie shoved Kisame into Gai, but it didn't have much affect as Kisame quickly regained his footing.

Her gaze snapped towards him and it felt as if a demon was unleashed in her chest. "I hardly think judgment should come from a man who let his own friends parish because of his own foolish arrogance."

She hadn't meant to say that, but she was losing control and soon enough she would no longer be the woman she was before. She still had the sealing scroll resting in one of the tattoo seals below her breasts. She had been trying to deliver it to Konoha for nearly a month now, in order to inform them of the Akatsuki's plans on capturing tailed beasts, but with Kisame's watchful eye, such a thing had become nearly impossible. But with Kisame's attention drawn by Gai, she just might get that chance.

She just had to be quick and flashy with misdirection.

That must be why Itachi was on this mission in the first place. Konoha was quite impatient with her, but Anomie couldn't say she didn't understand why. She just wished they would understand that she walked on a thin line, and one wrong step would make her fall into the depths of nothingness with nothing else to do but continue to fall.

She had to be fast. The bloodlust was already beginning to warp her line of vision, and she couldn't imagine her guilt if she hurt Kakashi.

She raised her hands, summoning a quick fire Jutsu, before dodging Kakashi's attack. His eyes were empty, but his attack was to be fatal if she had not blocked his tanto with a swipe of her hand. She pressed her hand lightly against the back of his neck, feeling the sparks that flew up and down her skin when she touched him. Touching him was like playing with fire, if she got too close, one of them was sure to melt.

She shoved his face forward by the back of his neck and slammed her knee into his chest. Itachi came at her next, but his attack was slow, their eyes connected as she jumped back, watching Kakashi straighten.

She regretted the attack she pulled on him. He must have felt her hold back. It was too noticeable and she had to be more careful in case Kisame saw. It didn't seem to matter how much bloodlust fueled her veins, she just didn't want to hurt him.

"How about I get a workout in this fight?" Anomie let the curse mark envelop her body until she was just one move away from it overpowering her. She didn't allow such a thing to happen, lest she turned war crazed as Kimimaro had allowed for himself. She could never make such a mistake whilst fighting Kakashi.

She saw the makings of wind rip through the current of air as she weaved her Chakra around them. The air began to smell of a deep gas, before it caught fire and swept around her in a current. She wondered if Kakashi would ever forgive her if she hurt him a little. She doubted he was willing to show anymore mercy either.

She rushed towards Itachi, mixing in with the flames. Kakashi used a quick water Jutsu, attempting to douse the fire. While he did that, Anomie took that moment to enter Itachi's body, using her smoke existence to fill the crevices underneath his skin.

In the aftermath of fire and water, Kisame noticed that his partner had disappeared.

"I would very much hate to think she retreated like a coward," Kisame let out a dark chuckle, jumping backwards.

"She is a coward," Kakashi informed him and Kisame chuckled.

"Maybe so. It was all a diversion to get you off our asses anyway," Kisame's body disappeared into a puddle of water.

"Kakashi, Gai, go after him. I'll find Anomie," Itachi ordered. Kakashi and Gai didn't hesitate as they went searching for Kisame.

"That was clever," Itachi told her, and Anomie exited his body with her arms crossed and her curse mark retreated.

"So much slander of my good name today," Anomie said with a sigh.

"Your good name?" Itachi didn't usually laugh or smile, but for a moment he nearly felt up for it. Anomie had no such restrictions as she giggled.

"I've been quite late on these updates, but in my defense, Kisame is quite a watchful little fuck." Anomie reached into her kimono, and activated a seal just under her breast, allowing a scroll to escape her flesh. She handed it to him in a quick motion.

"What will you say in regards of your retreat and betrayal?" Itachi was only slightly worried for her safety.

"With my track record, I doubt he was too surprised," Anomie shook her head with a sigh. "I am a coward after all."

"I think you are one of the bravest people I've ever met," Itachi's words stopped her in her retreat and she felt her hand begin to shake. To put a stop to the tremor, she tightened her hand into a fist.

"You should meet new people then," she told him.

"You left one alive...why did you leave her alive?" Itachi finally asked the question that many wanted an answer to, including Danzo and the Hokage. It took a lot of convincing on Itachi's part to not have his mother's life cut short.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she told him, before she disappeared in a flare of smoke. After all, that was what she was good at.

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"You traitorous dick," Kisame's voice filtered through her ears the moment she appeared before him through the open doors of the hotel. She slightly smiled, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"I couldn't dare interrupt your fight, Kisame," Anomie walked past him to pour herself some water from the small mini fridge. It was perhaps the only reason she chose this hotel as hers and Kisame's meeting place. The fridge and the fact it was in the sketchiest part of the village, known for missing Nin and scoundrels.

Kakashi and Gai could go door to door looking for them, but they'd find trouble and commotion before they ever found her or Kisame.

"After all I said about protecting you from Orochimaru, you go and abandon a team fight," Kisame was grinning so Anomie had to at least take notice that the mood was friendly. She leaned against the wall, one foot propped against it as her eyes connected with his.

"If Orochimaru comes after me again, I won't be caught with my ass out. I'm not a baby bird with broken wings. I can still fight on my own," she said and Kisame chuckled.

"You visibly held back against Itachi and Kakashi. Something tells me that you're lying about something," Kisame's grin looked sharp, but her composure didn't disappear. "But that's not my problem who you hold back against."

"We have to find the little demon. We have more pressing matters to be concerned about anyway."

"That is rather difficult if Konoha ninjas catch up to us again," Kisame told her, but of course, Anomie knew that. They had lost the team sent out after them, but that was momentary and she knew that Itachi had to give a real attempt at finding them, otherwise the alliance between her and Konoha would be too obvious.

They would hunt her and Kisame until she did something drastic enough to keep them at bay. "We have to commit a massacre."

"You jumped to that conclusion quite quickly," Kisame's smirk was back with a slightly vicious edge that made Anomie's heart slightly freeze. She couldn't afford the consequences of losing the Akatsuki's trust. She she lost that, then killing off the Uchiha clan's elders would have been for nothing.

She had to keep up the charade, even if it meant her own heart was the cost.

"Well, I'm always up for a bit of mayhem, but random massacres are more your style, not mine," Kisame's voice made her roll her eyes.

"Are you feeling remorse? If so, perhaps you are not the man I thought you were. I'll do it myself," Anomie stood up straight, making a motion to turn around but Kisame's voice stopped her from going any further.

"When we became partners, I warned you to be wary of me, just in case I was forced to kill you," Kisame's voice brought her out from the haze she had begun to cloud over her mind. "But I'm starting to think I have to be wary of you."

Her lips spread into a slight smirk. "You have no idea what you're in for. Don't be afraid to request to trade partners."

Kisame's lips spread into a sharp grin, "I'll pass. This might keep things exciting."

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Kakashi was the first to stumble on the message. It seemed purposely sadistic, spelled out with eyeballs in the dirt. He knew it was her the moment he saw the fires and smoke in the distance. He had just hoped that between the last time he had seen her and now, that she might have changed. Unfortunately, she was still the same murderous bitch that she always was.

_An eye for an eye, feel free to take a spare, Kakashi._

He wasn't surprised by this, and perhaps that was what made it so sick. He walked past the message and rushed to aid a villager that was gasping for breath. Blood covered the man's chest and Kakashi saw that the wounds were very careful, made in areas that were not fatal if treated quickly.

"They successfully got us off their track," Gai said as he bandaged a villager. His fist was white, gripped tightly in anger. Itachi didn't say a word for a moment.

"We have no choice but to let them go," Itachi said, noticing many of the villagers were already dead and the ones that weren't wouldn't last long enough for him to decide to pursue the Akatsuki.

"We were unarmed when they attacked," said the villager as Kakashi bandaged his arm. "They didn't even take anything. They just killed for the hell of it..." The man rambled into an unconscious haze, leaving Kakashi with his own thoughts and his own regrets.

Once more, guilt stacked onto his shoulders, and without release he felt it crush him to the ground. After treating and bandaging the living, he helped gather the dead.

A part of him, a part he never thought he would be able to feel, wished that Anomie was among the dead so he could bury her and let her memory fade. He faded off into silence, shrugging off Gai's insistent remarks and retreated into himself.

He glanced over toward the trees and saw a haze of smoke. He felt a rush of anger as if beckoned him closer. With Gai and Itachi still tending to the injured, he faced his demons and approached the smoke. It slowly formed into Anomie. For once, his heart didn't lurch and her face didn't make him weak.

"I'm going to be the one who ends up killing you," he said, and it wasn't spoken hatefully. He was far too exhausted for hatred.

Her lips twitches, "did you not like my message? I actually left you a note this time." Her smile seemed to only fuel the disgust that was pivoting in his stomach, lurching forward with no reprieve. "What's with that look your giving me? Have I upset you?"

"That's enough," he silenced her, but he knew her quiet demeanor would not last. She was toying with him, and perhaps all along she had only been toying with him.

As if he were dealing with a chore, he gripped his tanto on his back and darted forward to strike her down. She seemed more than prepared for his attack and perhaps it was predictable.

She fell through the branches like an incorporeal illusion, before returning to that solid state she was before. Her parry of his next attack was made with the back of her hand as she used her other hand to draw him close by the scruff of his neck.

"Put your back into it Kakashi. Are you trying to stab me or kiss me," her lips were a smooth and pink smirk as she spoke to him and he felt disgust roll off him in waves.

"Trust me, the last thing I want to do right now is kiss you," he told her, but her smirk didn't waver. He reminded himself that she probably never had any real feelings for him and this was probably easy.

"I warned you that I would make you regret not killing me," she told him, shoving his body back with ease as she glanced over his shoulder towards the darkening silhouette of the village buildings. "That blood is just as much on your hands as it is on mine."

In the past he might have told her that he knew she was pretending to be cruel, but he didn't this time. Perhaps all that time she spent pretending, this was the person she actually turned into. She was a shell of the woman he had been in love with, and the burden of knowing that lifted an even greater burden off his shoulders.

The balance between how much he loved her and how much he hated her began to shift. His pulse didn't skyrocket at her close proximity but he still had the urge to hold her. But it was such a slight urge that he could easily repress it.

"I didn't visit you to discuss any lingering desires," she told him, her lips quirked into a tiny smile that nearly looked transparent.

"I don't want to discuss anything with you. I just want to end your life," he raised his tanto once more, but she only stared at it.

"No, you don't," she said and for a moment when she spoke, a bit of humanity seeped back into her voice. "I know you wish you could, but look at the facts. I'm not stronger than Itachi. I could never fight against him and Gai together. You, I could escape from, but the three of you? Not a chance." Her brows furrowed as she spoke, and it was perhaps the most expressive he had seen her speak in a long time. "You left them behind Kakashi. Subconsciously, you don't want me dead and that's the truth of it. Let's not pretend otherwise."

His tanto didn't lower, but the tone of his voice did. "The villagers are in critical care. Of course you know that, being the sociopath who attacked them."

"I didn't do all that myself," she defended, running her finger against his blade. "I actually did very little."

"And the message in eyeballs," he questioned, causing her to let out a rather sadistic chuckle.

"Come on, you didn't find that at all funny?" She smacked his blade out of her face. "Point that somewhere else. I'm actually here to share a bit of information."

"And what information is that?" He almost didn't ask, because a part of him didn't care what she had to say.

"Stop chasing me," she told him, and he scoffed.

"Is that all?" His eye darted to hers, and noticed that she had purposely emptied her face of emotion. She was rather talented at that, and he always had difficulty reading her.

"Stop chasing after me. Leave it to the dogs in Anbu. Leave it to everyone else in the village. You have done enough for Konoha and you don't need to continue making these same mistakes," she sounded nearly genuine and his resolve slightly weakened. "You continue making my life and my actions your own problems, ignoring the life you could have in Konoha. Continue chasing me and I'll get vicious. The next message will be in testicles because you're proving that you don't have any balls."

"I don't understand what you are doing," he told her and she shrugged, taking a step forward.

"Either kill me, right here and right now," she grabbed his tanto's blade by the sharp end and placed it over her heart. "No hesitation, no mercy. Either do that or stop torturing yourself with indecision. I will make your world rain blood if I see your gorgeous ass in my line of sight again."

"I should kill you," his hand squeezed the hilt and he tried to puncture her flesh. "It's what I should do."

Her eyes slightly narrowed with an emotion he wasn't able to comprehend, before her lips spread into a sly smile that chased away any vulnerability. "It doesn't make you guilty and I would rather you didn't kill off your heart just yet anyway."

"I'm trying not to chase you," he whispered, and her lips spread into a frown. "I volunteered for this mission, telling myself if was for the good of the village to put an end to you."

"Would it make you happy?" She met his gaze before her body began to fade into smoke. "Remember what I have told you or the next village you'll see in body parts will be Konoha." She chuckled, disappearing and leaving him wishing he had never met her.

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It never disappeared.

Anomie scrubbed her hands until they were red and bits of blood had began to seep from the glistening rash before she knelt over to place her head into her knees. The river had already took the blood that had attached itself to her skin and separated it apart until it was out of sight.

She still saw the blood coating her palms like clay. She saw bits of flesh under her nails and it wouldn't go away. She told herself that it had to be done, and she hadn't killed too many people in that village, but it didn't matter what she told herself.

She didn't cry. She was done crying for a lifetime. She only stared out into the clouds, watching the sun set before a hand rested on her shoulder. Kisame's sharp grin pointed her way as he knelt down next to her.

"For a moment there, I thought I saw you having fun in that massacre," he told her and her expression wavered. "Here I thought death kept you up all night."

Perhaps that was the worst thing. She was numb, and she noticed that it was nearly too simple to repress her own remorse. She tried to grip onto it, and clutch it into her arms. She tried not to let it go, but it still sometimes slipped and she got carried away.

"Perhaps I did have a bit of fun," she whispered, glancing at her pale and clammy hands with apprehension. She still felt the blood coat her.

If she killed too much it was as if her heart had broken in half, she lost all feeling from the crushing weight of guilt. Sometimes she let it all go and transported herself to a time where killing had been easy, like a sport.

She didn't want to do that anymore. She wanted to feel. She wanted to feel all of it, but maybe that was leading her to ruin.

"Let's get out of here. We've wasted enough time in the Fire country," she said, standing up an brushing off Kisame's hand that had been resting on her shoulder.

_I've done what I can to protect Konoha. Even if it costs me my soul, I will protect it._

The other things like a home or a loving embrace could go up in flames. There was no room for love when the Shinobi world was at the brink of war.

Anomie closed her eyes, feeling the wind sweep along her cheeks as she imagined all those feelings, those fears, and those desires of a happy future. She imagined the way Kakashi smiled at her and the way her bed back in Konoha felt when she laid next to him. She imagined the joy she had when she first joined Anbu, or the laughter of Saru's deep voice when she completed a Ninjutsu he taught her, before ruffling her hair as if she were a child. She imagined Rin's arms around her.

All of that is useless and it made her too human. It made her weak, and awake at four in the morning trying to rid hands of imaginary blood. She pushed it all behind a door in her heart and shut it.

When she opened her eyes she felt nothing. "It's better this way."

"You alright, An-chan?" Kisame's voice was clearer than ever and Anomie smiled. It was genuine and calming.

"I'm fine," she told him.

And for the first time in a long time, she actually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named 'Higanbana' 彼岸花 it is a red spider lily that means never to meet again, abandonment, and lost memory.


	43. Keshiki

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO  
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**ANOMIE HAD BEEN TAUGHT HOW TO PROPERLY SEDUCE A MAN WHEN SHE WAS EIGHT** years old by another young courtesan who had the brightest smile. That smile was taken from Hanamori on a year later when a drunk brute smashed her teeth out. Before that, Hanamori taught Anomie how to seduce. She taught Anomie how to properly stand, how to walk, what tone of voice to use, and finally, she had taught her what to say.

It was never too hard to seduce someone to the point of obsession. Anomie knew how to talk and how to touch and where to touch in order to make someone want her with such desire that they could hardly contain it. It was sometimes more difficult, and she occasionally had to work for it, making the inevitable future outcome all the more tantalizing.

She tasted the hint of sake on her lips when she leaned down to taste a piece of him. Her hands ran through his hair as his fingers dug into her naked hips. She felt his desire, and she feigned her own.

Her body had been numb to pleasure for a long time, but her mind still remembered the appropriate expressions and noises to make for her to fake it. She heard him whisper sweet nothings into her ears, but they didn't touch her heart.

Then again, hardly anything ever really did. His lips grazed her neck, running down to her chest and belly button. He wanted to possess every piece of her, and the way his eyes lit up with passion made it obvious that his stubborn heart was open for her to overcome.

The way he looked at her seemed as if he couldn't believe that she was in front of him, let alone on top of him. She couldn't blame such self conscious thoughts, after all, he wasn't that much to look at from his red scraggly beard to the murky brown of his eyes.

But he was strong, she could see that from the way he easily lifted her or handled her like a doll. Then again, perhaps she was just miraculously light. She had been stripped to the bone and lately food hadn't seemed as appealing.

His whispered into her ear again, telling her just how beautiful she was, which made her lips slightly curl up in response. It didn't actually matter what she did, the thing that made her lips so addicting was embedded in the training she received.

Even if she was to starve herself down to the marrow, somebody would still want to fuck her bones.

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"You've settled into this comfortable life quite nicely," Kisame's voice was a relief to the boring day to day actions of seduction. Anomie leaned over the railing, her kimono sleeves trailing over the wooden railing.

"It's boring," she complained with a smile.

"And the Jinchuriki?" Kisame asked, causing a sly smile to replace her previous one.

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell," she told him and his nose wrinkled in disgust. His blue skin seemed all the more bright in the level of light they were basked in and Anomie reached out to trail her fingers under his jaw. "Chin up so you can look me in the eyes before you judge me."

His grin came back and he brushed off her hand. "I just think this sort of mission is beneath you."

"Sometimes Shinobi have to do things that are beneath them," and she let out a soft scoff. "But I assure you that this isn't one of them. It's what I'm good at."

"I'm good at chopping down trees, but you don't see me rushing out, gathering lumber on missions," he told her and her lips curled more prominently as she leaned forward over the wood, her elbow propped up and supporting the weight of her head.

"That's a very specific example," she told him. "We have already gotten the location of two tailed beasts, I'm just securing the fourth one until you all ring your forces together and take out Yagura. I'd hate to end up useless and dead like Jiwa."

"Do you mean Jūzō?"

"No one cares what his name is. All that I need to know is that he got impaled by his own sword," Anomie leaned forward again, her lips set in a sweet smile. "By a 12 year old no less. How must it feel to be dickless and powerless, all in one try?"

"That 12 year old was a Jinchuriki and the Mizukage," Kisame seemed all to quick to defend his former leader, which made Anomie's grin slightly grow.

"No one cares about Mizukages. They will all be very dead in the end and I don't see myself getting killed by my own blade."

"Likely scenario if you're not careful," Kisame agreed.

"And is talking about it in public like this being careful?" Her question was riddled with amusement, but as she swept her long white hair over her shoulder, that amusement disappeared and her eyes grew serious. "Why are you here?"

"Pein-sama sent me to...relieve you of this position," Kisame told her and Anomie's brow raised in surprise before her expression turned absent of mirth.

"I hope you're not telling me that someone else is going to take this tailed beast. I worked for it so he's mine," she warned him and Kisame's sharp grin grew.

"It's nothing like that, you're going to subdo him now," Kisame told her and Anomie's amusement disappeared all too quickly.

"Is that right?" Anomie began to intricately braid her hair, her expression losing its previous playful glint.

"That was quick, are you certain you haven't grown soft in technique since the last time you fought?"

Anomie scoffed, having spent countless days the last six months, training her abilities with the Ho'ou while Rōshi was mediating under waterfalls to control his tailed beasts.

She raised her gaze as she felt a spike of his familiar Chakra, but before she could make a move, Kisame jumped forward, swinging his blade up and shattering the wooden railing and much of the walkway. If Anomie didn't have such quick reflexes, her legs would have been torn apart. Her kimono was not so lucky as he tore her sleeve.

"Oh you better just kill me," Anomie's hiss made Kisame grin as he reached forward and gripped her by the throat. Just as he went to slam her body into the ground by her throat, Anomie felt Rōshi grab ahold of her like a knight and shining armor, rushing away from Kisame's next blow that Anomie was about to let happen out of pure shits and giggles.

"You're alright," Rōshi's palms drew her face in, and she was stuck looking into his concerned eyes, like a lover just drinking her in.

"Thanks to you," she whispered back, leaning into his palm as if she was looking for warmth. His warm eyes met hers, before they turned serious and cold when he turned his head towards Kisame who was simply grinning as he leaned against his sword that was dug into the ground deep enough so it could support his weight. His eyes displayed the mirth as if he was apart of a private joke.

"And who are you?" Rōshi asked, his eyes narrowed and his fists clenched.

"Just a guy who shows his affection through violence," Kisame said, sending a grin towards the bruising on Anomie's neck. Rōshi's eyes narrowed, and Anomie felt the Chakra of the four tailed beast begin to bubble to the surface. Kisame looked visibly excited for the upcoming battle, but Anomie was slightly wary. The only beast she had really come into contact with had be an untrained little child, but his Nine Tailed Chakra had been so strong that she could taste it.

Rōshi's Chakra, however, was eight times as strong and he actually trained on how to use it. Anomie hardly felt any fear when she stood, backing away from the fight. It caught his attention, despite her quiet steps, allowing her to gauge just how sharp his senses were.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of the shrimp and then we'll go somewhere far away from all this," he told her and Anomie tilted her head to the side as Kisame's deep chuckle rumbled in his chest.

"You'll never get far enough where we won't find you," he said, and although his eyes were directed at Rōshi, Anomie knew he was addressing her.

"Please be careful," Anomie said, watching as her word gave the demon host strength.

The fight began as quickly as Kisame had struck her down, but Anomie wasn't paying much attention on a petty fight, as she watched the way the beast man attempt to block all attacks from harming her. Perhaps if he had disregarded her life, maybe he could walk away unharmed.

Just before Kisame could get a blow in, Anomie slammed her body into Rōshi's, knocking them both out of the way as Kisame's bandaged blade wedged into the ground.

"What do you think your doing? You could have been hurt stupid," he shouted at her, lifting her up off of him.

"You protect me so often." Anomie's own words made her sick. "Is it wrong to want to do the same in return?"

"My life is nothing without you here in it," he told her and she reached forward, her fingers against his cheek and her other hand against his chest.

"That's why this was so easy," she told him, and her hand turned into smoke and enveloped his lungs and his nervous system. She watched as the light and betrayal seeped into his pointed gaze.

"I love you," he told her and her expression grew gentle.

"Get in line," she told him just before he passed out in her arms.

"You've got a real knack for being a stone cold bitch," Kisame said and her gaze met his.

"Let's just extract the demon and toss his body in the river," she commented. Her smoke grip on his lungs had departed, but the smoke that wrapped around his nervous system remained, keeping him unconscious.

"Tactful," Kisame told her. "We should have you take out more demons. You seem to have a talent with men."

"No thanks," Anomie declined. "What now? I believe there's a numerical order to this whole thing."

"Yes. We will just have to keep him asleep like this until we are prepared to extract him," Kisame told her and Anomie knelt down, placing her hand over Rōshi's lips.

"I guess you could say I really took his breath away," she commented with a sly grin. "Get it? Cause he's dead."

"No he's not."

"Ah, quite right," Anomie said after inspecting the body a little closer with a disappointed sigh.

"Well, I'll take this guy back to the boss," Kisame said with a grin as he grabbed Rōshi's limp body and placed it over his shoulder.

"Taking him in so soon. We haven't even captured the first three tailed beasts yet," Anomie reminded him, but Kisame's grin only widened.

"Orochimaru apparently has a seal good enough to disrupt the balance of a Jinchuriki. After that, it's up to Pein-sama's discretion."

Anomie glanced up, her eyes slightly wide. "Orochimaru's seal?"

"Fuyu-chan, it's been a long time," Orochimaru said, and immediately Anomie put on a smile.

"Yes. I was in fact ignoring you. You'll be pleased to know that your presence still makes me want to gauge out my own eyes. How about you do us both a favor and shed from that skin, then you can properly slither up your own ass," she said with a vibrant smile.

"Very polite," he commented, glancing towards the body of Rōshi. "That's him. How underwhelming."

"Funny, that's what I think about you," Anomie said with a chuckle, deciding she had enough of him and she turned to walk away only for Kisame's next move to cause her to turn around to catch the object he had tossed her way.

In her hand rested a small vermillion ring that she promptly placed on her right ring finger. She had, of course, given it to Kisame for safe keeping whilst with Rōshi, and a part of her didn't actually want it back. This was partly to do with it being ugly and partly because she hated accessories. After all, she had to keep in mind every last article of clothing every time she used her Jutsu, least she accidentally leaves it behind.

"Be sure to keep yourself safe, Fuyu-chan. I wouldn't want anything to happen to that body of yours," Orochimaru warned, causing a sense of foreboding to travel down her spine. In response to his narrowed gaze, she turned into smoke and made a classy exit.

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"A-NO-MI-E!" Tobi's sing songy voice made Anomie nearly rip her ears from the base.

"Oh God no," she muttered, glancing around the empty clearing in search of the masked idiot that she had hoped to go a year without seeing. Maybe even forever.

Tobi was nowhere in sight, but just as she began to think she had imagined it, he nearly jumped on top of her, his arms around her in a tight and not too friendly embrace. "Hi."

"I've told you that I don't like it when you do that," Anomie reminded him, wondering how he constantly managed to sneak up on her before she decided that she didn't actually care. "What's the next mission?"

"The next mission is to smile, Anomie," Tobi told her, and Anomie's expression turned sour. "Also, we need you and Konan to seek out a missing ninja."

"What about Kisame?" Anomie asked, and Tobi bounced his palms against her shoulders, earning another frown.

"Don't hurt the messenger," Tobi exclaimed, and Anomie's expression turned neutral. "You two should work well together."

"I see. And what reasons do you have for coming to tell me this in person. I was heading to the hideout anyway."

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Anomie was perhaps too careless, sending information past Kisame's self aware eye. Perhaps Konan was there to watch her. Perhaps she was just too paranoid, but as she walked towards the hideout and felt the presence of a slightly familiar Chakra, her paranoia spiked.

"You're late," Konan greeted, her Akatsuki cloak covering the lower portion of her face.

"I didn't realize I had to be here at particular time," Anomie told her in response, and Konan's eyes narrowed on the Akatsuki cloak that she carried in her arm, not bothering to put it on.

"Wearing the cloak is a requirement," Konan informed her, causing Anomie to scoff.

"It's huge and ugly. Who came up with this stupid uniform," at her words, Anomie noticed Konan's eyes slightly narrow causing Anomie to snort.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I insult your boyfriend?"

"Let's just get this over with," Konan told her, brushing past her and heading for the exit of the hideout.

"No, that's fine. It's not like I didn't spend all night to get here. I don't need to rest. It's fine."

"Good to see we're in agreement."

"You don't get sarcasm, do you?" Anomie dropped the Akatsuki cloak on the ground to cover up a puddle before she walked over it, keeping aware of Konan's souring mood. "See that was symbolic for go fuck yourself."

Konan's resting bitch face seemed to morph into an even more resting bitch face, until she was flat out scowling. "You will pay for that later."

"Worth it," Anomie said with a raised brow, taking notice to her own lack of reading on the blue haired woman's expression. "Chill I do this all in good fun."

"Do you enjoy making a mockery of a respectable foundation?" Konan's voice sounded genuinely curious, but Anomie had lost the ability to take the woman seriously. Although, she was, at least she once was, rather touched when the woman came to her verbal aid against Orochimaru. It was rather sassy and Anomie did have a soft spot for courage, especially when combined with a beautiful face.

"What about this organization is respectable? Kakuzu literally murders his partners for body parts," Anomie countered, and Konan turned back around and began walking further from the base, forcing Anomie to follow, but she purposely left the cloak behind.

"You massacred the leaders of the Uchiha clan for no justifiably obvious reason," Konan reminded her, causing Anomie's smile to widen.

"I am so sick of people condemning me for that. No one even likes the Uchiha until they get tragically murdered. Boo fucking hoo," Anomie told her and then grinned. "But you did just prove my point on who you let into your organization. So thanks Blue."

Konan didn't look impressed and instead looked exasperated by Anomie's very presence. Konan, for a moment, looked as if she had something else to say, but instead she turned her head away and sighed. "The target is a famous war villain of the last Shinobi war. He was known for war crimes including: trafficking, murder, thievery, rape." Konan told her handing her a scroll, which Anomie grabbed with a sigh, unsealing it and opening it with a swift grace.

"We were paid quite a bit to locate and bring his head," Konan told her and Anomie lips curled into a smirk. "He's been on the run quite a while. The war ended years ago."

"He got sloppy. Raped and impregnated the daughter of the water Daimyō," Konan told her and Anomie handed back the scroll with a sigh.

"I don't like reading documents. How about you just brief me on everything," Anomie told her, causing Konan's deadpan to worsen before the blue haired woman opened the scroll once more so Anomie could see the man's face.

"Memorize the face at least."

"I doubt I'd forget."

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In the distance of an empty market, a woman stood, her fingers pressed against her belly, her eyes unfocused. The blue eyes and black hair contrasted the mist that filled the atmosphere in a sweet white hue. In her hand rested a dagger, but it was loose and one move might cause it to drop to the ground. The girl didn't drop it, and her hand shook as she raised it over her belly. One slice and the shame would be swept away, but her hand was shaking so much that she was nearly afraid she was going to slip and slice her throat.

"Not that I don't agree," Anomie said to Konan from a distance as her eyes grazed over the weak Chakra signature from a distance away. "But you're certain you don't want me there for the meeting? I've met the crusty old Daimyō. I might be able to offer a little sway."

"As gracious as your offer is, I'd rather keep you at a distance. I think you'd sooner be a hinderance in that meeting with your knack for sarcasm and disrespect," Konan replied. "In fact, I think you would sooner get everyone killed with your words rather than vice versa."

"I can't say that doesn't hurt my feelings," Anomie retorted, watching as Konan's eyes rolled back.

"Just try not to start a war while I'm gone," Konan told her and Anomie gave the woman a mock bow.

The blue haired woman scowled before she continued on her way, forcing Anomie to walk along the path with her with a bored expression as she tapped her foot against the pavement, taking in the lack of people on the market at the current time of eight in the morning. From what she knew about day to day life, usually by now the first couple villagers would already arrive to haul in the new harvest. Anomie brushed her fingers against an empty stall that would normally be filled with fresh vegetables, but instead, it only had a small stock of green onions and a potato that looked shriveled up and near dead.

And here the Water Daimyō spends village currency on Akatsuki assassins rather than supporting the sorry state of economy in the Mist village?

"At least now I know why Kisame could never go to this mission," Anomie's fingers brushed along the small shriveled up apple on the next stall. She didn't pause this time. "Wanted criminals really should stay away from the area that they are most wanted."

"Take your own advice then," Konan told her, causing Anomie to chuckle.

"What can I say? If you saw how delicious the Copycat Ninja was, you'd wanna run your teeth over his body too," she replied, causing Konan to visibly grimace. "What? You've never rubbed piercing with Pein?"

"Pein-sama," Konan corrected.

"Do you scream that a lot?" Anomie's grin got even more amused, and she inched closer to Konan. "I noticed that you didn't say no. Tell me, call it a cat's curiosity. Is he pierced in unsavory places? Are you?"

"You have three seconds to back off, or Kisame's going to need another partner."

"Relax, I'm only joking. Sometimes I forget how prudish you virgins really are," Anomie laughed as she turned away, walking towards the empty market. "When you see the Daimyō, ask him if he still has that wife of his. I'd love to see the inside of his wallet."

"Shut up," Konan said, turning to leave.

"Be back quickly," Anomie told her, and Konan shut her eyes and turned to walk away. "Wait!" At Anomie's shout, Konan turned her head. "I miss you already!"

Konan's scoff and presence disappeared and so did Anomie's smile, causing her to go back to the expressionless paradise of youth. The woman a distance away sat on a bench, a dagger in hand as she held it over her stomach. The woman's dark black hair was matted against her cheeks, and her cheeks were hallowed out, giving her the echo of a former beauty that she lost from the lack of food and sleep. Anomie noticed the far off gaze that remained on a memory that wasn't visible to the naked eye.

"If you're trying to abort the baby, that's not the way to go," Anomie warned her, and the woman's head snapped up and her dark blue eyes met her gaze, remaining the only thing about this girl that hadn't lost its beauty. Anomie vaguely remembered the girl from a time long ago on a mission from Anbu. The little child that hid behind her father's robes was a ghost, reflected in this broken girl's gaze. "You could try black cohosh with a later intake of red cohosh. Or, if you want to hide your plans from a protective father, cinnamon or papaya have a way of ending a pregnancy."

"The woman only stared, her eyes glossy and empty. Anomie found the entire situation to be quite amusing by far.

"Or, if cutting the child out is the way you want to go, you should know that at this point of pregnancy, you'd miss," Anomie carefully moved the woman's hand so the tip of the dagger dragged down, just underneath the bellybutton. "Are you looking to end your life?"

"What's it to you?" For the first time, the girl's old attitude came back into her voice. It was entitled and pompous, casing Anomie's lips to curl.

Anomie knelt down, her long white hair swooping over her shoulders as the vibrant orange tint glinted as she met the girl's gaze. "Nothing. I'm just killing time talking to cowards."

"Coward?" The word tasted wrong on the raven haired girl's tongue. She couldn't have heard that right. People had been dancing around their words for weeks, so careful to avoid offense and yet some stranger was just blatantly offending her. "How...How dare you."

Fire came back to the girl's eyes, much to Anomie's amusement as she hid her lower face by her palm as she propped her chin into her hand. "How dare I? Spare me your wrath."

"You don't know anything...the things I've gone through, you could never comprehend," the girl hissed out, her dagger tightening in her grasp as her eyes trailed to the headband around Anomie's waist that had a crossed out symbol of the leaf. "Father hired you? He seeks revenge for what has happened."

"And what do you seek?" Anomie asked, standing tall once more as she took in the way the girl's arms were slumped.

"I seek a way to make this to have never happened," she whispered. "Nothing more."

"Well," Anomie's lips quirked up. "Until I figure out how to go back in time, how about you make a realistic request. For a price, I'd be happy to oblige."

The girl's eyes raised high, and her lips settled into a frown as a light once more shined in her eyes. "Can you get rid of it? In a way that won't hurt?"

Anomie's hand landed on the girl's flat stomach, watching the girl's breath hitch in her throat. "Is that what you want? Truly? Some women grow to love a child they once hated."

"What is your price? I have money," her voice was desperate, but Anomie's heart was sealed.

"Your father's money," Anomie tisked her tongue, her lips quirking up as her eyes met the girl's gaze, still trying to remember the child's name. "I want something that only you can give me."

"What is that?"

"Your friendship. Should I come to you in the future with a favor, you must oblige," Anomie told her, and the fifteen year old girl contemplated the words, uncertain of the white haired girl's vague wording. "It's a debt in blood."

"What is the favor?" she asked, and Anomie's eyes twinkled in a way that seemed unrelentingly mischievous.

"I do not know yet, but it's always useful to have a political ally, should I need it," Anomie told her, and the girl's brows furrowed together. "But do not worry, I would never ask of anything that would persuade you from your virtue."

"I have no virtue anymore..." the girl told her, causing Anomie's brow to raise.

"Even whores have virtues, kid. People can rape and kill, but it's all flesh. It's your own choice to let them fuck your body and kill your heart."

"I didn't let them do anything," the girl hissed, and Anomie scoffed.

"He's long gone, and yet you are allowing him to control your life and fuck your nightmares," Anomie's hand flattened against the girl's belly, gathering Chakra into her hand. "What do you say, Fuuma Yuki?"

"Just get rid of it."

"If that's what you really want," Anomie pressed against the girl's belly, but Yuki's hand shook just before Anomie was about to turn her hand into smoke and enter the girl's belly to grip onto the soon to be bastard in the girl's stomach.

"Wait...stop," Yuki was frightened, and Anomie could see the fear in her eyes so easily like a doe in the crossfire. "I'm scared."

"I know," Anomie's voice was gentle as she smiled. "I must give off such a sweet vibe, but I don't know why people are so quick to think I actually care about their problems. Maybe I smile too much? Maybe I should cut back on the flowers? But either take the deal or don't. I can find other ways to occupy my time."

Yuki had started to tear up once more, "Just do it...please. I just want this to be over."

"Oh it will never be over," Anomie's lips curled as her hand turned to smoke, entering the girl's belly. "Even when you think you are free and you've forgotten, trauma has a way of warping how you see the world." Yuki hunched over, coughing as smoke filled her lungs and Anomie raised her hand as it reformed. "It's been fun. Don't forget about are deal. And don't worry, I'll bring you back the head of your rapist as an added bonus to remember me by. Have a lovely day as an almost-mother."

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"I asked you not to get into any trouble," Konan scolded, watching as Anomie tied her hair and sat by the fire. It had been an awkward silence after leaving the village, with Konan annoyed after Anomie reported her daily activities.

"You have to admit, that order was vague," Anomie replied.

"I just don't understand. The village was huge, how is it you manage to run into the one person you were not supposed to see."

"I am particularly good at finding things. It's a gift."

"I doubt that."

"Give me a chance, and I can find that stick you shoved up your ass," Anomie laughed when Konan held a knife to her neck, pressed hot against her skin. The white of her hair stuck to her lips as her eyes met Konan's with half lidded amusement. "Did I finally break down that barrier of yours. Come on, make my day and slit my throat."

"Do you want to die?" Konan asked and Anomie's smile widened.

"Not at all," Anomie reached forward, allowing the knife to dig into her neck so she peck the blue haired woman's lips with an amused giggle. "I'm actually afraid to die."

"What are you doing?"

Anomie's brows raised, "Blowing off some steam. It's an offer I extend to people as beautiful as you. What do you say? Give me ten minutes and I can show you the good side of a brothel."

Konan shoved Anomie back so the woman would slam against her elbows on the ground with a laugh as Konan went back to her spot.

"All you had to do was say no, but I can't say that I don't like a little aggression."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 芥子(黄) Keshi(ki) Poppy (yellow) success.


	44. Shirayuri

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE  
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–•–

**KAKASHI NEVER THOUGHT HE WOULD FALL IN LOVE FOR SUCH A THING SEEMED** so improbable that he concluded it would be troublesome to try. He thought that love would take up too much time that could be spent doing _literally_ anything else. Even Rin's crush on him had made him stressed and he hadn't even returned it. So when he realized that what he felt for Anomie had been _love_ , Kakashi thought that he had hit rock bottom. Still, if _that_ had been at the rocks, _this_ had to be something worse and far more painful. Everything he ever feared about letting someone into his life had come true with just a single word and now he no longer say her name out loud. He feared that letting those dormant feeling of affection out from the locks he had place around them, he would never be able to move on with even simple tasks without longing for a person that obviously did not feel the same way.

The morning was crisp and fresh with the morning dew, and he could stand and wish that the names of friends would remove from the stone. He wished he could go back in time and sit by Rin and Obito and Anomie once again in bliss with the innocence of youth that he selfishly took advantage of when he was younger.

If he had known, he would have been faster, smarter. Perhaps Rin would still be alive if he had been stronger. Perhaps Obito would be alive if he had been able to throw away his pride. He tried not to think about the what if's, but they always came back to haunt him.

He didn't know what he might have done different had he known Anomie's dark future. In fact, he doubted anything would have changed her fate. He knew now that there was a darkness in her heart that overpowered everything in the light. But even knowing what he knew now, he would still find a way to fall in love with her.

He may hate everything she's done, and the spark may have faded, but he knew it was forever. It faded just enough so he could live without her.

But fate and chance had a way to come back to test him. He turned around at the new presence, noticing a woman with white hair and pink eyes. For a moment, she nearly looked like Anomie, as she once was. However, he had yet to meet a woman who matched Anomie's unrivaled beauty.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kakashi-senpai," the woman greeted with a formal bow. Her hair was more grey than white, Kakashi notice this with a breath of relief. And immediately her very tone, stricken with formality, separated her from Anomie's image. "I'm sorry for disrupting your time in mourning. Forgive me, I shall come back later."

"I'm done here anyway," Kakashi stopped her, turning his body fully towards her as her cheeks slightly inflamed in embarrassment.

_Yes, nothing like her_ Kakashi thought with a slight sigh.

"Hokage-sama said you'd be here," she said, her hands behind her back and giving him a sheepish glance. "I'm to be your partner for our next mission."

"Ah," Kakashi thought back to the mission scroll he had lazily tossed in his bag and didn't read.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't introduce myself. I am Nara Anemone. It is a pleasure to meet you," she said and Kakashi took notice to her name with a frown, wondering if the Hokage had done this on purpose or if Kakashi's luck was just that poor.

Maybe he smashed thousand mirrors in his lifetime, maybe one too many black cats crossed his path, maybe it was fate.

No matter what it was, his most precious people were mostly all dead, and his most precious person was doomed to haunt him until the days he held her in his arms returned. When she rested against him, it was as if the world disappeared and things were back in shape. He didn't know what type magnetism it was that drew him into her, but just when he began to think he could live without her, the smallest reminder made him realize that he couldn't.

But that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"You're late."

The woman's voice was grating on his ears, but he gave a sheepish, closed eye smile at the Fire Daimyō's daughter who sat in her small carriage with an indignant frown. The moment she met Kakashi's one-eyed gaze, her eyes slightly dilated and her lips opened like a fish out of water.

"Yes. That is unfortunate, but a black cat crossed my path, and I couldn't very well allow such bad luck before a mission. So I took the long way around," Kakashi explained with a shrug. Anemone slightly frowned at his explanation, as she had been anxious to begin a mission with someone as renown as Kakashi the Copy Cat Ninja. She had heard of his great feats since the moment she began in Anbu.

And she was sorely disappointed so far.

The Fire Daimyō's daughter, Osada Maemi, was obviously not. Her cheeks had inflamed and her temper had retreated the moment Kakashi had smiled. Anemone visibly sighed, getting the feeling the mission was about to get... _annoying_.

"W-Well, then that's that then," Maemi said, her eyes darting off to the side as her cheeks only got more red. Kakashi, either oblivious or indifferent, began to walk towards the village gates.

"Let's not waste more time then," Kakashi announced, causing Anemone to scowl.

"I got here an hour early, but whatever," Anemone grumbled, holding out her hand towards Maemi in order to help her get into the carriage.

Maemi looked repulsed before she glanced towards Kakashi. "Kakashi-kun, help me into my carriage."

Anemone slowly put down her hand, irritation sinking into her chest before she glanced towards Kakashi who scratched the back of his head. He must have been aware of the little devil's affections.

"These old bones don't work as they used to, I think it's better if my partner did all the heavy lifting," Kakashi said, causing the irritation to swell in Anemone's chest. Judging by Maemi's temper and her obvious scowl, she didn't appreciate being ignored as well.

Maemi brushed off Anemone's hand and got into the carriage on her own. Anemone, quite tired of the girl's attitude, was more than ready for the doors of the carriage to slam shut. Unfortunately, she was dealt another wave of bad luck as Maemi glanced towards Kakashi, her pupils dilated like a cat about to pounce on its prey.

"If you like, Kakashi, you can ride in here with me, after all, it must be tiresome to walk the entire way," Maemi offered, and Anemone's eyes rolled back, as the girl only extended the offer to her partner.

Kakashi couldn't have looked more disinterested, as his one visible eye was set in a deadpan and shape of his lips just barely visible through his blue mask was set in a frown. However, his voice gave nothing away as his bored expression remained unchanged. "Nah."

Maemi's face saddened with the rejection as she slipped into her carriage where Anemone prayed she would remain for the duration of the trip. Kakashi didn't look to care either way as he motioned for the horses to move, beginning the journey through the fire country.

Besides the drumming of hooves, the journey was very quiet, filled with Anemone's thoughts and her own boredom as this side activity was very different from her usual missions in Anbu. She sighed, glancing back over to Kakashi who looked to be engrossed in a book, and thanks to her spectacular vision, she was able to just barely make out some of the words.

'Nomi's blush was engulfing her face when he embraced her with bits of vibrant white hair squeezing in between his fists. He pressed up against her, prepared to strip-'

"What are you reading?" Anemone asked, her brows furrowed as that was not a sentence she would have ever expected to associate with the stoic and renown Kakashi the Cold-Blooded.

"Words," he answered, causing her lips to settle into a frown.

"It looks like smut," she retorted, ready to confiscate his book of filth. 

"Don't judge a book by its cover," he told her.

"I'm not. I'm judging it by the sex scene on line 24," she told him, causing him to clutch his book into his chest.

"You're too young to understand," he told her, and before she could protest that she was probably older than him, he was already on the top of the carriage with swift footing. His book was once more opened, and he laid back and read for the next undisturbed fifteen minutes.

"Stop the carriage," came Maemi's demanding voice as she opened up the doors. Anemone quickly halted the horses, glancing towards the girl who was waiting for someone to help her off, even though the the ground was not even half a meter from the carriage. Kakashi didn't look interested in helping, so Anemone begrudgingly aided her. Maemi looked disappointed, scanning the area for Kakashi, unbeknownst to her that he was on the roof.

"What is it? Home is not too far from here. It would be better for us to continue unhindered," Anemone stated, and Maemi's face reddened, whether from embarrassment or anger, Anemone was uncertain.

"I have lady problems that I need to take care of," she said, her frown deepening.

"What?" Anemone was getting rather tired of the attitude she got from the girl, especially since she was so completely civil to Kakashi.

"Lady business," Maemi's cheeks had begun to enflame, her eyes darting to the side. Anemone, however, didn't understand her meaning.

"There are a lot of trees, so piss where ever," Kakashi stated with a bored sigh from on top of the carriage, causing Maemi's head to crane quickly in his direction. Her lips opened and closed like a fish out of water as her cheeks enflamed. Anemone fought back a smirk, catching Kakashi's eye before she shrugged.

With much complaint from the rich girl being too sophisticated to be peeing in grass, Anemone escorted Maemi into the bushes, leaving Kakashi with some thankful moments of silence. His eyes traced over the words in his book, but he couldn't comprehend their meaning. Finally, he didn't end up having to read it as the carriage was promptly attacked with a barrage of kunai with bombs attached. He darted off the roof, jumping to his feet casually as he bookmarked his page, simultaneously dodging the attack of an oncoming ninja.

"Who are you?" said the attacker in frustration.

"Just a guy disappointed that his reading was interrupted," Kakashi said, but before the attacker could reply, Kakashi knocked him out.

Anemone walked out of the shade of trees and back onto the trail with a casual sigh at something Maemi had said. She took notice to the unconscious man, and Kakashi opening up his book once more. "I was gone barely eight minutes."

_That's a long bathroom break,_ Kakashi thought with a deadpan. However, before he could reply, the carriage exploded from the bombs that he had thought were duds. Maemi let out a shrill scream that damaged his ear drums more than the explosion.

"Well, this is going to be a long journey," Kakashi muttered as Maemi began to cry and Anemone began to rub her temples.

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Anomie held an anemone flower in her palm with a soft smile as the sheepish boy's face reddened after presenting it to her. He then proceeded to compliment and flatter her while Konan scoffed in the background, wondering how the white haired beauty was able to get anything done with how many men were so quick to stop them in their path just to chat.

The blushing boy went back to his job of grooming the flowers outside the inn, and the moment his back was turned, Anomie turned back towards Konan with a smile. "What crawled up your anus?"

"Do we have to halt our journey for every bashful, blushing boy who wishes to flirt with you?" Konan asked, and Anomie slightly chuckled, her fingers brushing aside her bangs.

"Try saying that sentence ten time fast," Anomie commented, but Konan's expression transformed into confusion.

"Why would I do that?" she asked, making Anomie shake her head.

"It's a tongue twister, you've never heard of one?" Anomie shook her head, taking a step closer as she placed her pointer fingers against the corner of Konan's lips, forcing the girl to smile. "You gotta lighten up, Konan," to emphasize her point, she placed the flower in the empty place on the left side of her head. "You look so much nicer with a flower in your hair."

Yahiko had said something similar in the past, causing Konan to often adorn her hair with a blue paper rose. She had discarded it when he died. Anomie had no care for the painful memories she forced the blue haired woman to relive, as Anomie was often uncaring and self absorbed about every aspect of her life. However, even when Anomie turned around to continue their journey, Konan still didn't remove the flower.

"It's been awhile since I've seen the Fire Daimyō, I wonder if he will remember me," Anomie's lips quirked up, but Konan doubted anyone could forget Anomie's very unique features and flirtatious personality once meeting her. Even now, undercover, Anomie still decided to wear the most bodacious and inappropriately tight kimono offered. The sleeves were baggy and long, fitted against Anomie's arms with excellent grace.

"You can't be in your body, lest he recognizes you," Konan reminded her, since Anomie like to conveniently forget. Anomie rolled her eyes, turning around and walking backwards so she could face Konan.

"Chill out, Ko-ko."

"I asked you not to call me that."

Anomie waved her hand in a dismissive manner, causing Konan's mood to turn bitter. "Even if he recognizes me, he wouldn't sell me out."

Konan wasn't as confident on such thing as Anomie seemed to be, but she doubted Anomie cared about her opinion on the matter. "What makes you so certain."

"Let's just say that his wife isn't the only one getting a bit of pussy," Anomie said none too cautiously and Konan's brows furrowed in confusion.

Anomie laughed, but her laughter was light and humorous, much different from the domineer that the girl held only months prior on previous meetings. Anomie always seemed to give the impression that she carried the world's burdens on her shoulders, now however, she carried nothing but laughter. One would think that would make this girl seem happier, but to Konan, Anomie looked hollow like an egg emptied of its yolk and whites.

"It occurs to me that you couldn't possibly understand that joke without knowing just how many cats the Fire Daimyō's wife has. Let's just say it's enough that the woman doesn't have time to worry about her husband's sexual needs."

"I got your joke, I just didn't find such crass humor very amusing," Konan informed her, causing Anomie's brow to rise as her lips twitched into an adoring smile.

"Oh? You know who would have loved that joke? Jiraiya," Anomie turned back around, taking no notice to the way Konan had frozen as if she had just been dunked in ice. "Now, there's a man who probably knows what he's doing when he gets under the sheets. I mean, he's imagined being on top of a woman since he was a toddler. However, I'm more of an over the covers kind of girl."

"You've met Jiraiya the Toad Sage," Konan's usual deadpan of a voice seemed smaller, but Anomie didn't really pay much attention to that noise and vulnerability. She didn't much find much benefit for her to exploit it, as she wouldn't gain anything from it.

"Sure. Last I saw him was in a brothel. You'd think he'd want to bend me over backwards and taste my Icha Icha Paradise, but instead he sprouted all that honor related bullshit about not paying for sex," Anomie slightly scoffed, turning her head so she could look Konan in the eyes. "Between you and me, I think he only said that because he's broke. Cheap fuck."

"Do you love hearing yourself speak so much?" Konan muttered with a sigh.

Anomie chuckled once more, stopping in front of the mansion that belonged to the Fire Daimyō. It was rather big, encrusted with gold linings around the borders. It had to be at least three stories, with the top being a double eave roof. Anomie quickly lost interest in the architecture, as she turned towards Konan.

"Tell the truth, you secretly love my voice," Anomie said, but she didn't give Konan the chance to reply as she turned into smoke and disappeared.

Konan's sigh was deep and full of malice as she to disappeared from her spot, but she disappeared the normal ninja way. Anomie, however, used her far more draining method just because she thought it made her look cool.

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Anomie grabbed the Fire Daimyō by his arm, her lips quirking up as she made eye contact. "Osada Fujikake," she greeted with a smile. "It's been forever, how's the wife?"

"Koneko," his eyes widened and she visibly saw his deep and long swallow as he took a step back in freight.

At the nickname, Anomie let out an impressively convincing purr as she took a step forward. Her eyes were narrowed as she took an extra long glance at his wrinkled skin that loosely covered his face. She wondered if she could make shapes as if he were made of clay.

"You're right. When it's just the two of us, the last thing you want to think about is your wife," she took a step forward and watched with amusement as he mirrored her movements with a step back of his own.

"I-if this is some kind of revenge-" he quickly stuttered out with shaking knees, not wanting to get on the bad side of the woman who slaughtered so many.

"Revenge? For what dear?" Anomie asked, and he gulped.

She recalled their affair sometime during her serving in Anbu, but it was so irrelevant to her life that she never bothered getting hung up over it. As if she remembered half the people who have bent her over. It didn't even deserve a chapter in her life.

"If this is about your suspension from Anbu, I only pushed it so heavily because-" he was interrupted by quiet laughter.

"Don't tell me that you're talking about my house arrest back in Anbu." It was so long ago that it was a wonder she could remember such a trivial thing anymore. "Are you insinuating that you were so worried that your wife would find out about our little...fling, that you sold me down the river for a crime I didn't even commit?"

"So you say. Your name never even got the chance to be cleared before you so elegantly tarnished your own reputation," he reminded her nervously. She smirked, taking a step forward, her lips brushing against his ear.

"I killed the Uchiha elders, women, children, Anbu," she giggled about something that once kept her up at night. "I obviously have no problem admitting to crimes. I might even be a little proud about the Uchiha massacre. Do you really think I would hide from a crime if I did commit it." She smiled sweetly, slamming him into the wall, his head clashing against the hard wood before his weak and brittle back slid down the wood and he surrendered to unconsciousness.

Anomie looked down at her shaking hands in confusion. _Is that resentment I feel? Ah, it's sorrow. That's no good._ So she pushed it down and once more felt nothing and it felt so adequate...feeling nothing.

She turned into smoke and entered the Fire Daimyō's mouth. She never liked possessing the elderly, but it would do until she got him past the guards. She made pleasantries with those she passed, before running straight into the Fire Daimyō's advisor, causing Anomie to inwardly curse.

"Your daughter seems to still be delayed," the man said, and Anomie sighed.

"Yes, send out some scouts and see if they can meet her halfway," Anomie ordered, causing him to nod before he continued his way.

She escaped into Fujikake's room, already seeing Konan standing stiffly in the middle of the room. She didn't bother concealing her presence since she knew Anomie would succeed in possessing the old man.

"Let's get this over with," Anomie said with a sigh, causing Konan's lips to twitch up. Anomie did notice that the flower still remained on the blue haired woman's head.

"What's with the impatience?" Konan asked even though she knew.

"I have a penis right now," Anomie reminded her, with a crass simper. "And a wrinkly one at that."

"This was your idea. I recommended just possessing the daughter and dangling yourself out in the open for Tamaki Dairo to attempt to rape," Konan reminded.

"His new fetish for rich virgins is gross," Anomie wrinkled her nose, escaping Fujikake's body and letting it slump to the ground.

"As opposed to his normal fetish for underage virgins," Konan asked, sitting on the bed and crossing her legs. She caught Anomie's eye as she checked the Daimyō's pulse, finding it was slow. His body would not take well to possession. He'd also be unconscious for at least another hour.

"Was that sarcasm?" Anomie took a step closer, kneeling down in front of Konan's resting her arms on top of one another, on top of Konan's knees. Anomie rested her chin against her for arms as her eyes met Konan's gaze. "Are you softening that shell for me?"

Konan scoffed, but she didn't knock Anomie's arms off her knees. "If that's what you want to believe."

"If we are going to be partners, we might as well get along. As far as Akatsuki members go, I rather enjoy your company."

"The feeling isn't mutual," Konan told her, knocking off Anomie's arms and causing the girl to giggle.

"If you say so."

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Kakashi sighed, exiting the cover of trees and meeting up with Anemone who left Maemi's side in order to get Kakashi's uptake. She took notice to the small cloth that he held in his hand before used it to rub off the blood from his tanto.

"Did he talk?" Anemone asked, and Kakashi glanced back towards Maemi.

"A little too much," Kakashi said with a grimace.

"And?"

"Looks like someone has been targeting the daughter of the Mist Daimyō and is now after our Fire Daimyō's kin. He apparently hired a few highway men to intercept her journey back home," Kakashi said, and Anemone sighed. "They don't seem too strong or too smart."

"The carriage blew up. You tell her that she has to walk the entire way back."

Maemi picked up on that last sentence with pale cheeks. "I have to walk the way back?" She quickly shook her head. "I will do no such thing."

Kakashi gave the girl a sheepish smile. "We can't very much stay here."

Maemi glanced to the side, her cheeks reddening as she bit her bottom lip. "I guess you will just have to carry me then."

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"Can you not pout? This isn't the ideal situation for me either," Anemone said as she glanced towards the girl on her back while Kakashi continued to read his book in silence as they walked along the path. The situation continued to be annoying for Anemone who just wanted the mission to be over with.

"You are a real nuisance. It would have been more than adequate for just Kakashi to take me home," Maemi stated with a bitter frown.

"You know what," Anemone dropped the girl onto the ground, crossing her arms across her chest as her lips contorted into an equally bitter smile. "You can walk for all I care." Anemone walked past Kakashi who had paused to see her slight meltdown.

Anemone scolded herself the moment it was finished, deciding that this temper was why she hasn't been promoted yet. Instead the promotions were handed to the practically stoic and statue-like Itachi who had the personality of a fucking moose.

 _And don't even get me started on Tsukasa's recent promotions,_ Anemone thought with a frown.

Kakashi glanced towards Maemi, looking away from his book for the first time in half an hour. "Probably not the best idea to just sit there. Someone is after your life you know."

Maemi stood up with an indignant frown and a stomp of her foot. "Someone is always after my life. How you both do your job and make sure I stay safe!"

"Thanks for telling me that, I nearly forgot the mission and my duties," Kakashi said in a tone so bland that Maemi couldn't tell if he was mocking her.

They made it before nightfall, save for a couple breaks here there since Maemi had the endurance of a koala. Kakashi, adamant about immediately heading home, was stopped when he glanced over the bodyguards of the Fire Daimyō, who was nowhere in sight, which was odd in itself since he usually came out to greet his daughter upon her return. Maemi seemed to notice her missing father from the way she glanced around the area and behind the bodyguards.

"Good to see you're home, lady Osada," stated the advisor of the Daimyō. "We send out a search party to scout out your whereabouts, but they came back empty-handed."

Kakashi raised his brow at this information, having seen no such search party on the trial. It wasn't as if he strayed from it as it was pretty much a straight journey from Konoha to the Fire Daimyō's hidden village.

"Let's go home," Anemone muttered at as she made eye contact with Kakashi. She was more than ready to put as much distance between herself and Osada Maemi as possible. Unfortunately, Kakashi had other plans as he let out a sleepy yawn.

"In the morning. Best to not leave in darkness," Kakashi told her with a closed eye smile that made Anemone's lips form into a pout.

"As you wish," she said, although she wanted to decline.

Maemi, who had been eavesdropping in a not so discrete manner, immediately brightened her smile. "Oh, you should stay in the manner. We have a bunch of extra rooms and it's far more comfortable than an inn."

"I actually like inns, but thanks," Anemone said, causing Maemi to send her a slight glare.

"Then you can stay in an inn, but Kakashi-kun can be my honored guest. It will be fun," Maemi's lips were curled into a grin, her cheeks set with a slight blush.

He very much doubted anything on this mission would be fun, but he walked forward to follow the bodyguards while Anemone sighed and followed him reluctantly despite not wanting to. After all, partners stick together.

"Oh. You're coming after all," Maemi said, no longer looking simpered at her opportunity to get closer to Kakashi.

"Well," Anemone muttered, glancing off to the side as they walked into the mansion, making sure to strip her shoes off before entering. She lifted them up from the ground and quickly shoved them into her bag, lest there was a surprise attack which was common on missions, and she didn't want to end up shoe-less. "How could I resist the offer of free food and lodging?" She gave Maemi a sweet smile that reminded Kakashi very much of Anomie.

"Honored daughter," the Fire Daimyō's voice was amused as he came closer upon Kakashi's arrival into the mansion. Maemi quickly wrapped her arms around her father, bring him into an affectionate embrace. "I am glad to see you home safe."

"Lord Daimyō," Kakashi bowed his head to him, Anemone following suit.

"Kakashi-kun, good to see you once again," Fujikake said with a small smirk as he used his foldable fan to brush the air into his face. Fujikake turned towards Anemone with a raised brow. "And a new face."

"It is a pleasure to formally meet you. I am Nara Anemone," Anemone said, her bow a perfect 90 degree angle.

Whatever Fujikake's expression was, it was hidden behind his fan. "A beauty such as yourself, being named after such a lovely flower. How fitting."

Anemone gave a slightly embarrassed smile that made Maemi roll her eyes as her father once more flirted with any woman he could make eye contact with, despite her mother being so close in the mansion. "You flatter me, my lord." Anemone was slightly disgusted at the idea of such an old man flirting with her, but she'd be damned if she showed any disrespect for a man who could have her promoted at a word.

"You two are probably exhausted. As a part of my gratitude for your optimal care for my daughter, I hope you find your accommodations to your liking," Fujikake smirked, closing the fan and walking away, and his daughter sent one last lingering glance towards Kakashi before following after her father.

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"Will you shut up already? I'm not going to hurt your daughter," Anomie stated, glancing into the mirror, feeling Fujikake's irritation from his body that she possessed.

"Daddy? Where are you?" Maemi's voice was grating, like glass scraping against steel. Anomie glanced over the corner of the wall. More than that, she was clingy. Perhaps a rape would actually do her some good in learning that in this world, not everything handed to you is a good thing.

"I might hurt her a little bit," Anomie muttered, causing Fujikake to let out an annoying plea. She let him hold consciousness mostly because she didn't want to have to remember everyone's names. He would share whatever information she needed, and if he didn't, she'd start killing his family. It seemed like an even trade.

Seeing Kakashi was a bit of a surprise, but this time she wouldn't let him know she was here. She was faster, smarter, and stronger this time around. She wouldn't be caught unaware or rush into danger because she didn't want to live, only to make it out just fine because she was too afraid to die.

This time she wasn't afraid of anything. She didn't love anything. She was just... _adequate._ Indifferent. Undisturbed.

And that was just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's chapter is a 白百合 Shirayuri which means Purity/Chastity/lesbian love (which is also called yuri). It is a white lily.


	45. Miyakogusa

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR  
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**ANOMIE HAD ONCE BEEN TOLD THAT EVEN THE STRANGEST OF DREAMS WERE** a reflection of the deepest desires. They could even be the desires that you tried to forget you had. When Anomie was a child, living with her mother, she would often dream of living in a house made of cheese. Perhaps because she was underfed, or perhaps because she just really liked cheese.

When sold to her first brothel, she dreamed of her mother holding her and whispering sweet nothings as if that woman ever had the power to actually protect her. You never know just how much someone means to you until you stare up at the ceiling in fear of losing them.

It was so innocent, this dream just had his face in front of hers. His fingers were against her waist, and his lips were so close she could practically feel his breath all over her, filling her. In moments, however, his face grew older, his breath filled with the recognizable scent of alcohol. She recognized his beady eyes as his lips pressed against hers. She attempted to shove him off, but he was stronger and her arms were smaller.

Tamaki Dairo. His lips were chapped as he took control over her body, rendering her useless. Anomie remembered the way her insides burned as he entered her right over the gasping cries of her mother, bleeding out from the slice over her throat. The house Anomie had once lived in was riddled with blood and her tears as Dairo took her against the doorframe.

Just as quick as he was there in front of her, she had awoken from her daze. She scolded herself for falling asleep and scolded herself again for the moisture running down her cheeks.

In a haste she opened up the mission scroll, overlooking Tamaki Dairo's face. Before the scroll, it had just been an image for nightmares, and for the first time as far as she would allow herself to remember, she had a name to place on top of her very first rapist who sold her and murdered her mother. For the first time, he was human and not just some monster. Most of what he was had been honestly lost to memory. Most of who he was was lost to compartments in mind that she created to protect herself.

But more than that, he was alive. While all the other monsters of her childhood were dead, he breathed. Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps Tobi knew when he assigned her. Anomie didn't believe in coincidence or chance.

She still felt that man's touch, and it was doubtful that she would ever forget.

Dreams were just fragments of inner desires. What was her inner desire? Perhaps to never forget the way his touch felt. To perhaps never forget the feeling of anger that coursed through her veins. For the longest time, she had been numb, shoving away any emotion before it could swallow her whole. She shoved this back too. Dreams were made for sleeping, and those fragments would make her reckless. She had to push it away.

Under normal circumstances, she would escape to the outside world, unbothered and able to feel the wind against her cheeks. She couldn't do such a thing for as long as Kakashi was so close. She couldn't risk wearing the Daimyō Osada's flesh too long either. Contrary to popular opinion, she actually didn't desire to kill him, even if it was a passing temptation.

She needed air and with him passed out with enough drugs to knock out a giant, she doubted his brittle bones would last the night if he attempted to call for help. Anomie, for extra measure, made sure his bonds were tight around his fragile wrists before she patted his sleeping head and turned into smoke.

She barely knew where she was going, but by the time she wondered into a random room, she was met with the grey haired leaf ninja that traveled alongside Kakashi. She was bent over papers, spread over a small table that she sat underneath. The room was illuminated with candlelight, and Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. He too would probably be on the roof, that way he could stake out the area and be outside of the suffocating halls that threatened to force Anomie to remember things she would rather forget. If she closed her eyes, she would remember and remembering would force her to feel.

The smoke of her incorporeal body surrounded the girl, Anemone. Perhaps, if Anomie felt more, she might have once laughed at their similarity in name. She didn't fully care at the moment. "What the fuck?" Anemone saw movement from the corner of her eye, but Anomie had already over took her body before the girl could react. Anemone tried to fight the possession, perhaps harder than anyone ever had, but Anomie was stronger and far more prepared.

"I'm only borrowing it," Anomie whispered as she stood, taking a feel for the way this body had quite a different aura than the other ones she had controlled in the past. It was stronger, and perhaps if it had more time, it could be just as toned as Anomie's herself. _Perhaps_ , Anomie thought, glancing towards the mirror.

_Perhaps this woman had everything needed to take up occupancy in Kakashi's heart. Perhaps_ ** _she_** _could have all of my looks but none of my faults,_ the thought was morbid, but it didn't make Anomie feel much. Her emotions were too locked away, however the unlabeled distress was far too annoying to separate from.

She stepped out from the room, thankful to feel the night air take her away from bad dreams and old memories that threatened to suffocate her. She couldn't completely force them away. They were mud adorning her only pair of shoes, and she had been tracking it everywhere since the very beginning. There was no getting away for long. The mud always seemed to appear for her to step in and bring with her where this life took her.

"I thought you'd be out for the rest of the night," Kakashi said from above, and Anomie heard him turn a page in his book with a bored sigh. "That is what you said."

Anomie turned her head, and she vaguely remembered her dream in which they kissed. That was something she could never do in her own body. This one, however, had more freedom. She quickly shook the thought away, chasing away those desires since they would be foolish and reckless, and she didn't feel it strongly enough. It was like a distinctly annoying knock that was impossible to stop, but not so hard to ignore.

"Tell me, do you ever consider retirement?" Anomie asked, glancing up at the sky.

"At 19 years old?" Kakashi scoffed, and Anomie felt her blood pulse through her veins at that comment, but of course, it wasn't actually her blood. She felt it all the same.

"I sometimes do. Maybe live out the rest of my life somewhere far," Anomie was at his side in an instant, sitting down on the roof next to him, careful not to touch him. This wasn't her body. She couldn't forget that. "Do you ever consider that?" For the first time, she met his gaze and from the way he stared at her, as if she were a stranger, made her sober.

"I have a life where I am," he told her, putting his book at his side, near her hand. She recognized Jiraiya's series with a hint of forlorn amusement. She read it only weeks ago, remembering his character 'Nomi' which was so obviously used in her own image. Nomi, who was as brave as Anomie wished she could be and as strong as Anomie pretended to be. "But, as I'm sure you know, I've betrayed my post a few times."

"Did you love her? Koneko?" Anomie had to only assume that this girl, surrounded with obvious Anbu makings (such as the tattoo on her arm), had to know the background of Anomie's tainted Anbu career. How far has gossip spread? Her question was calculated, and she wanted to ask without emotion or condescension. She wanted an answer, something honest. Kakashi's easy answer would be a firm no, and it would surely shrink suspicion.

"Never been too fond of cats," he answered.

Anomie might have laughed at that snarky reply, but she had to stick firm to her act. "What was she like, senpai?"

He didn't answer, and Anomie just wanted to touch him. Emotions she had suppressed were beginning to return in her vulnerability. There was no escaping it. She was stuck and she couldn't get away from it. Would he push away this _Anemone_ if she suddenly touched him, even just his hand. A part of her hoped he didn't, and a part of her hoped he did.

"We should leave here in the morning," Anomie told him, hoping to get him to agree.

Kakashi glanced her way, and she stared deeply into his one visible eye that was just so unrelenting. "Can't leave until we know for sure that Maemi is safe."

"If she's in any danger, it's because she doesn't know how to shut her mouth," Anomie told him with a slight smile that earned one from him in return.

"At least the way back is just the two of us," he commented, and a pang hit her chest at the comment.

Anomie didn't know who this girl was, but for a moment, perhaps she saw a hint of affection in Kakashi's eye when he looked at her. Perhaps she was wrong, or perhaps she just pushed them closer together. It didn't actually matter in the end. This was a girl capable of returning some sort of affection that Anomie had sealed herself from feeling fully.

"At the very least, it will be a quiet journey back to Konoha," Anomie agreed.

 _So long as he doesn't force me to kill anymore Konoha ninja, then perhaps it would be a quiet journey back,_ Anomie thought with a slight smile that was so obviously the one that she set aside for him alone. He paused at it, as if he could recognize bits of her from underneath false flesh. _Unlikely_.

She didn't want to hurt him anymore. The world could burn for all she cared, but he had to live through it. This was the first real idea she had with emotion in so long. It was painful, forcing her to remember why she wanted to forget him.

"You should get some sleep," he told her and Anomie noticed he purposely avoided her eyes. Perhaps his mind was too keen for his own good, or perhaps he remembered Anomie's mannerisms far too much, like the way she tilted her to the side when she spoke or the way her gaze was unrelenting and confident. Or the way that she usually always leaned her left side towards him when she talked to him. Maybe it was even the quiet lull that she used when she spoke. Maybe it was even the way she slightly opened her lips when she watched him talk, just daring him to touch her. They all followed her, regardless of body if she wasn't careful.

"And you?" Anomie asked, placing her hand near his as a sign of comfort.

"I do better out here," he told her with a sheepish smile. She was happy that he was now capable of smiling more at ease.

"Try to get a couple hours of sleep, Kakashi-senpai," Anomie told him, and her eyes slightly narrowed in amusement. She didn't give him a chance to reply as she jumped down, entering this girl's room and getting in the same position she had been in before. Moments later, she rested her face into her arms, feigning the position of sleep as she left the body in one piece.

For a moment, Anomie did consider taking this girl's life. She didn't know why. Just because.

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It happened sometime during the day. Anomie wasn't certain when, but she could tell her guards had been slain. She could feel it embedded in her blood when she met the eyes of the clones that had been placed in the Fire Daimyō's personal guard. How could she not recognize such an obvious ploy. They had equal distributions of Chakra, which was something that only was just occupied in clones. No human could have so equal life force and aura.

They followed her all day, and she allowed it, knowing the Daimyō was far too inexperienced to ever have a suspicion. When they would attack her, or if they would attack her, was all difficult to guess. Their mannerism were too casual for an ambush, but then again, since when do men make it known to the victim before an ambush.

Konan had to know as well, and Anomie very much doubted she wasn't already stationed to take them out so Anomie herself could kill Dairo. Konan had no idea of Anomie's rape filled past, all starting with the old man who nearly choked her to death as he penetrated her underage body.

It was coming back to her slowly, and Anomie knew that the rage was pointless. Killing him wouldn't bring her mother back to life and neither would it turn back the clock. Kemuri would have still be destroyed in the war, and who knows, perhaps all that pain had been the sole reason she was still alive.

Emotion was uncontrollable. It was the death of logic. It was the death of reason.

Anomie destroyed the clones around her at the sound of the pitter patter of rain against the roof. She walked over the clothes that fell, empty, to the ground. She left the Daimyō's body there too, unbound and without a thought. She didn't care anymore.

It was all too quiet, and when Anomie across the manner, unbothered over being seen, she felt Konan's hand stop her. She hadn't seen the woman appear, let alone get in front of her.

"What are you doing?" Konan asked, causing Anomie to smile sweetly. "You've alerted him of his destroyed clones."

"Did I do that?" Anomie pressed her pointer finger against her lips.

"We agreed to be discreet," Konan reminded her, glancing around for any sign of a Leaf ninja, before she forced Anomie into a corner, off in the shadows. "You know a fight would be troublesome. And if there are any casualties, especially a Daimyō, Akatsuki's reputation would tarnish."

Anomie barely understood half of what she was being told. She was impatient and her vision was red. "So what? Hiding behind faces isn't getting immediate results. Make a mess. Handle the Leaf, and I'll do the rest." Anomie didn't give her the chance to reply as Anomie disappeared, not leaving Konan much choice, as the plan was disrupted and her partner so obviously didn't give a shit. It saved Anomie some moments of peace from Konan's endless lectures, and that would be enough.

Anomie felt his touch as she opened the latch to the door of the Fire Daimyō's daughter. The room was a disaster, with papers and broken glass on the ground. Of course, the girl was nowhere to be seen. Anomie had alerted him, got him on edge. He obviously wasn't expecting a fight, just an easy rape.

Anomie didn't care about his reasons, even if she knew them in mere writings and rumors. Perhaps he too liked to feel alive with the thrill and exhilaration of forcing women to bend over for him. Perhaps if they were nobles, that thrill was tripled. Anomie didn't care. She walked up the bed, finding a tiny amount of blood on the sheets.

Her lips quirked up. Annoying girl or not, obviously she put up a fight. But she also lost, judging by the small mess of broken furniture, littering the ground. She heard the door slam open, and Anomie met the gaze of the leaf ninja, Anemone, who already had her weapon drawn.

She, of course, didn't give her the chance as Anomie quickly turned into smoke with a smirk. Anemone, who was left standing there, baffled and surprised, quickly examined the broken furniture, the echo of a dispute as well as the absence of the Maemi Osada.

Anemone went to rush from the room, but the moment she did, she was shoved back in with a painful kick. Koneko stood above her, performing a quickly timed attack with the sharp end of her katana. Anemone barely managed to dodge it, but the kick that had realigned her ribs made it hard to move. She attempted to stand, but the Anbu traitor was faster and far more prepared. However, she didn't know Anemone's attacks or her own clan Jutsu. With quick fingers, she performed a clan favorite Jutsu, causing an upheaval of shadows to surround just underneath her.

Koneko was none the wiser as she slammed her foot into Anemone's back. There was no taunts or harsh words. Koneko was strictly business. Unfortunately, she also was quite reckless.

The black shadows erupted from underneath Anomie's feet, trapping her in place before she could rethink her strategy. She attempted to move her arms, but they remained slumped at her side while the ninja from Konoha calmly stood, her hands in place to not lose control of the Jutsu.

"My," Anemone said, taking a step back, thusly forcing Anomie to step forward. "Look how quickly your bravado goes out the window when you're stuck in place. How sad."

"Sorry to say," Anomie's voice was just as amused, while she slyly attempted to break the possession with no luck. Her nerves would not obey. "But my bravado is apart of my natural charm."

"Where's Osada?"

"Which one? The annoying old man or his daughter?" Anomie didn't show much facial expression, not much interested in chatting. "Currently, said old man is tied to his bed and in a totally unsexual way if I might add."

"His daughter, smartass," Anemone said. Anomie didn't mind the comment, after all, she had been bested. "Shame you're holding that blade, but I'll make you regret it." Anemone raised her arms, and Anomie mirrored the motion, however, with a blade. The tip of Anomie's katana rested against the brittle skin over her belly. "One move from me and you're dead. So how about you answer the question before I shadow possession your ass and make you literally go fuck yourself."

"I am so turned on. How did you know my kink?" Anomie resisted the possession enough to chuckle. "No one fucks me better than myself, after all."

Anemone's nose twitched but she didn't say anything against it. "Where is the girl?"

"Who did I kill?" Anomie asked instead, her amber eyes penetrating just as violently as her own katana would against her flesh. Anemone froze, trying to push away her own anger. "Come on. Just between us girls, humor me. Who did I kill? Was it a brother? Mother? Sister? Lover? Come on, sweetie, don't leave me in the dark. I've only killed so few of Konoha, if we don't count the Uchiha. Most likely you couldn't give two shits about a bunch of whiny eye enhanced scum. So, it must have been the Anbu pursuit force. So many came after Orochimaru that day. I took each of them out and littered their bodies on the forest floor."

Anemone's hand twitched and clenched at her side, and because of the shadow possession, so did Anomie. The girl laughed in amusement, but it didn't reach her eyes. If Anemone looked closely enough, she'd say any amusement was a farce. "That's not why I'm here. Where is Osada?"

"Nara Anemone," Anomie said with a brief flicker of a smile. "Nara don't usually join Anbu. Clans in general, the big five, are such loyalist, nepotistic little cunts." Anomie slightly chuckled at the other woman's growing frustration. "Now, don't think I'm prejudice. My best friend and mentor was from one of the big five. All I have is love and respect for at least the Hyūga. Maybe. It's coming back to me. Akihasa? No. That's not it."

Anemone felt her blood boil as if she were a kettle over a fire. She felt her breath hitch in her throat at the coldness of Anomie's eyes. "Shut up."

"Akihiro? Can't be. Oh," Anomie chuckled, twitching her fingers ever so slightly, not that the woman in front of her could see. "Akinari. Nara Akinari. I remember now. Such a sweet boy. So loyal. Did you know he never begged? I didn't expect him to be so...sturdy. Must be all that healthy Nara blood. So much blood in his veins. Then again, I did open up his throat. It completely ruined my favorite gloves. I'd say we're even."

Anemone had dreamed of killing Koneko, but she had her own duties and her own mission. If there was one thing she was, it was loyal. She would not put Konoha in danger just because of her own emotions. With that in mind, she didn't take Anomie's life. "Where is Osada?"

"If I were to take a wild guess, I'd say not here," Anomie retorted, and Anemone frowned, but she could feel her Chakra beginning to waver. She couldn't hold this woman much longer.

"You're all on your own. Are you sure you want to be smart with me right now? I have your life in my hands," Anemone had seconds left, approximately thirty. She had to do something quickly.

"How scary. Shame for you that the Akatsuki travels in pairs," Anomie's warning didn't give Anemone enough time to block the swoop of paper that tore through her arm, forcing her to let go of the Jutsu.

"Why didn't you just turn into smoke," Konan asked with a bored sigh as her arm reformed from as bits of paper returned to it.

"I wanted you to save me. It was very sweet," Anomie glanced towards Anemone with a smile. "Look at you. Bleeding profoundly just like your weakling brother."

Anemone's heart filled with rage as she went to attack the woman, using a large amount to perform a Jutsu, but Konan only jumped in the way and blocked it. Anomie sneered, before she turned around to walk away. "Find Osada." Konan told her and Anomie smirked.

"Love you too, Konan."

Konan rolled her eyes, but when Anomie turned to look back at her, her eyes were almost genuine, if not gentle. Konan nodded her way, causing Anomie to slightly smile before ducking her head through the door. There was commotion coming from outside, where she assumed Dairo's men were fighting.

Anomie's eyes were trained on the smallest droplets of blood, that she was certain many would have missed with all the commotion. Near the end of the hallway laid the body of one of the many Fire Daimyō's guard. His throat was slit open and his eyes bulged out as if he couldn't believe his own fate.

She carelessly walked over him, not even bothering to keep herself from stepping on him. The heel of her boot nearly pierced through his hand, but her eyes were still trained on the droplets of blood that looked too far apart and oddly located to belong to the guard whose only wound was that of a slit neck.

The way his weapon sprawled out next to his hand at least suggested that this man went down fighting. Anomie knelt down next to him, her head tilting to the side. Her fingers brushed against his cheek, a small smile resting against her lips. "I admit...this Jutsu is a bit of a stretch, I've tried it on a cat once."

Her chest shook with laughter. "Curtesy of Orochimaru. I will never live it down if he found out I used his technique. Of course, you're not telling anybody anything." She quickly motioned her hands in the sign of the tiger, snake, dog, and dragon.

She had learned this Jutsu rather indirectly, due to her knack for picking up Ninjutsu. However, it was flawed from the lack of practice and never having been used with an actual human. Anomie simply never found the real need to use it, as it was mostly just a pass time it of learning to see if she could learn it. It was to see if she could do what Orochimaru could and perhaps she considered bringing a couple people back from the dead.

There was a reason she never did.

The guard sucked in a breath of air, but it came out in choking gasps as he attempted to breathe, but seeing that his throat was slashed, such attempts were futile. Anomie grabbed his chin so he would look at her, his eyes filled with fresh terror. However, she remained unfazed as she forced him to focus on her and only her.

"I know," she said with a gentle coo, wiping away a bit of blood from his lips. "I know you're in pain, but focus and I'll make it go away."

Anomie always did have a rather beautiful lull to her voice, and it did usually have a calming factor. His face slightly calmed and his gurgling nearly stopped. She knew she didn't have much time.

"I need to ask you a question. Do you understand me?" Anomie's voice was kind, in a way that was very unlike how she would normally speak. His eyes roamed the room like a wild animal, and with his current predicament, a wild animal was probably what he was close to being.

Slowly, almost too slowly, he nodded his head. In response, she gave him another gentle smile as if she were his mother. His hair was slick with blood when she touched it, soothing his nerves.

"Where is Osada Maemi?" Her question was met on deaf ears, but it filled his eyes with sorrow and guilt. She knew the look quite well, but she didn't dwell on it with any bit of emotion.

She watched as he tried to speak, but all that came out were gurgles and more blood. She actually found it impressive that he was still able to even bleed, considering the puddle that was currently soaking her boots. She glanced towards the kunai that rested next to the man. It was covered in blood, and she noticed the finger marks that were coated with blood. She turned over his hand with a curious glance finding that they were clean of blood.

"You saw her? Nod your head," Anomie asked and watched as he slowly nodded his head.

"I..." His gurgled response was rather impressive, considering that she could easily pick out his tongue through his throat flaps. "Tried to protect her...hiding...follow the...birds..."

"Is that all?" Anomie sighed, having a deep disliking for vague answers. She lifted the kunai with a smirk. "It's kind of fitting then, to murder you twice with the same weapon."

She stabbed the blade into his head, and it made an odd crunching noise that reminded her that she had shattered the bone. His beady eyes bore into hers with swift clarity and she, for a moment, felt a brush of guilt. She quickly stood up, dropping the kunai on his dead legs. She sighed, running her hand through her hair, glancing around only to notice the small birds colored onto the wallpaper. She took a step closer to it, running her fingers over the blue birds before she noticed the small creatures drawn flying towards the end of the hallway.

She gave the dead man another glance, before finally remembering that Dairo had slit her mother's throat as well. She turned back around and continued walking down the hall, following the birds. When they finally stopped, she was in front of a dead end. She glanced down at the rug, seeing that a part of it was upturned with a bit of blood splatters.

"Well," Anomie pushed her weight on one side, leaning on her hip with a smirk. "I suppose I could use my brain and a little ingenuity to solve this mystery." She raised her hand, ushering her Chakra into her fist. "However, mysteries aren't really my thing." She destroyed the wall in one blow, and pieces of wood shattered upon impact. She heard a scream from inside, and with the light from the windows behind her, she saw a dim view into the room. She took a step inside, seeing the huddled form of Maemi Osada, crouched and crying.

"Please...stay away," Maemi begged, and Anomie brushed the dust off of her hand. "Don't touch me anymore."

"My oh me," Anomie said with a giggle. She took a step forward, and the shattered bits of wood crumbled underneath her feet. "You look like you just went through a traumatic experience." Anomie knelt down in front of her, her eyes cold but her lips were curled in amusement. "Tell me, did he make you swallow?"

Maemi's crying only got worse, causing Anomie to sigh, wishing she had tried the sympathetic route instead. Maybe that way, she wouldn't have to hear any crying. She rested her elbows on her thighs and placed her cheek against her open palm. "Leave me alone."

Maemi's cries fell on deaf ears, and Anomie's lips twitched up in amusement. "Now I wish I could, but let's be serious, Tamaki Dairo is not the worst person to pop that cherry. I mean, at least his size is that of a stem. You barely even feel it."

This comment made her cry harder, but Anomie rolled her eyes and gripped Maemi by the scruff of her torn robes. "No please!"

"Shut up," Anomie ordered, forcing the girl to her feet with one hand. "Look alive cause in six minutes you might not be."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Dairo is a sick man, and has been in the human trafficking business for years. It brought revenue to the Fire Nation and the Water Nation alike. It's what buys those pretty jewels you decorate your hair with or those nice dresses that were ripped off of you tonight. He was captured and the target on his head was placed there by your father and the crusty Water Daimyō. Both of which I hold no doubt enjoyed the fruits of Dairo's labor. Lord knows many men would rather fuck a young girl than your fugly mother," Anomie dragged the girl out towards the sound of clanking metal, signifying the ongoing chaos that Anomie so elegantly ignored. She gave Maemi one last glance, wondering if her heart might have reached out in sympathy, some time long ago. However, that just wasn't who she was anymore. "It's a real crooked system, leaving those at the bottom of the pyramid to suffer the weight of the consequences that men like your father escape."

Unlike Dairo's last victim of the water Daimyō's daughter, Anomie didn't have anything to gain from kindness. Maemi had no political stance, and mostly this girl spent her time decorating her hair with jewels and insulting the poor. At least the other girl had some sort of strength in her eyes. Anomie knew a lost cause when she saw it. Maemi was weak, and she would wither like an ephemeral plant, hatching in a harsh environment, only to die in a week.

"Please just stop," Maemi begged, tears flooding her eyes. Anomie doubted this girl heard a single word being said.

"I'd let you go, but Tamaki Dairo is looking for you. He never got to kill his last victim," Anomie said and the moment she felt another presence her lips pressed into a smile, as she turned around to see the man of her nightmares, standing before her. "Thanks for being adequate bait."

"Well, who might you be?" Tamaki Dairo's voice was much like she remembered it. It was deep, hoarse even. His face had aged and she could see fine lines around his eyes. His once vibrant black hair had faded into little spots of grey, but his dark hazel eyes remained the same from her memories.

"I heard you wanted this one. I found her for you," Anomie watched him take a step step forward as she spoke. His mere presence had caused Maemi to collapse into tears and prayer. Anomie hid her hands behind her back, as if she were stretching. Instead, she performed a well time Jutsu. "Such a nuisance that one. That is your MO, isn't it? Young girls with little experience to a man's touch? I'm not judging, just giving you a life that you wanted."

"And you procured her with no ulterior motive?" Dairo's voice was sinister, but Anomie remained unchanged and unbothered.

Anomie didn't answer and merely dropped Maemi at his feet. His lips curved into an equally deadly smirk as he brandished what looked to be a short blade that rested at his side. Maemi tried to run, but he placed his foot against her back before raising the tip of the blade over her.

"This should send a message," Dairo brought the blade down, stabbing it into her back while Anomie just watched. The blade entered her skin clean and quick, and Dairo had a moment of satisfaction before the body of Maemi had disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The real Maemi having ran to cower in the corner with the aid of Anomie's misdirection. "You..." Dairo's angry gaze met hers and she slightly smiled.

"That's just embarrassing. Were you about to celebrate? Talk about how you managed to kill a tween with no fighting ability. Bravo," Anomie chuckled, clapping her hands. She saw his attack coming, as he gathered much of his Chakra into his fist. She, however, didn't have enough time to adequately dodge, sending her flying through the wall of the mansion and out into the garden.

She laughed from her place, sprawled out onto the ground as the sun licked her skin. She slowly stood while Dairo stared at her through the hole in the house. She met his gaze with a slightly crazed expression. He slowly walked towards her, jumping through the hole in the mansion. Likely, he thought she was just some weakling who fell at a single punch, adamantly believing that women were lesser.

"I hope you enjoyed that. It will be the last time you ever get to touch me," Anomie activated the first seal of her curse mark with no hesitation. The black markings covered her face until she felt the Chakra soar through her veins. It was intoxicating and the rush of adrenaline allowed her to feel the anger in full. She had never allowed herself to feel such unrestrained anger before, and when Tamaki Dairo met her gaze, his own eyes widened in fear.

This man, a fighter, rapist, murderer, feared her. She could practically taste it and it was the only thing she wanted to taste from him. She wanted him to feel weak and powerless and to surrender.

He turned his heel and bolted right back into the mansion. She tilted her head, already aware of her own creeping madness as she watched him run. Coward that he was, he spotted Osada Maemi, still cowering and crying in her corner. Anomie heard the girl's sob when Dairo lifted the girl to him, pressing her body against his chest, despite her struggles.

Anomie didn't feel any sympathy when she jumped into the hole of the building. It was all more than amusing to watch. If the girl was smart she would have ran while Anomie distracted Dairo. She was a stupid girl with no survival instincts, spoiled beyond belief. Even small little Fuyu, just having lost a mother, was far superior to this girl.

Dairo placed a blade to the girl's throat, causing Anomie to give him a cat like tilt of the head. Her lips spread into an amused smirk, but her eyes were full of a certain kind of crazy that she couldn't suppress even if she tried.

"One more step and I cut her throat." Dairo's warning was wasted on deaf ears and Anomie almost immediately began to make a tisking sound with tongue. "I don't want to do that. Do you want me to?"

"Please stop. Don't hurt her," Anomie covered her face with her palm, giving a proper show of pleading. "She's just a child."

"Then step back, drop your weapons, and leave," he ordered and she nodded her head, any trace of the crazed look had vanished.

"These weapons?" Anomie lifted up her kimono, revealing long legs and a dagger tucked over her thigh. She tossed the dagger at his feet. "Or these weapons?" She pulled out many sharp, needle like daggers from her hair, undoing the bun and slowly her soft curls to cascaded down her shoulders. She then pulled off her duel sai blades that rested on her back and tossed them both onto the ground.

"Good girl," Dairo whispered, and she remembered him saying that to her in the past. She remembered every word and every expression he ever had. Oddly enough, memories of even her mother's face had faded a long time ago, but his face remained steady. "Now be a good kitten and leave. Don't make me show you how much you women deserve a firm hand."

"Might I interject something before I leave?" Anomie was quite tired of his voice and how easily his cowardice turned into arrogance. His eyes narrowed, as if he had some type of leverage against her and she was just some little child who dared talk back to him.

She didn't give him a chance to reply as she appeared in front of him with speed so fast he dug the blade into Maemi's neck just out of surprise. She drank up his expression with a smile. She glanced towards Maemi and her gaze had morphed back into something deadly. Anomie's fingers dug into the girl's abdomen without hesitation, watching as the girl cried out before Anomie grabbed the girl by her torn robes and tossed her out of the way. Dairo's neck sliced into the girl's throat as she was pulled away, but Anomie could tell it wasn't deep enough to be truly fatal.

"It really isn't anything personal," Anomie said to the injured Maemi. However her gaze was steady and unwavering on Dairo. "I will kill as many people as I have to so long as you are one of them. And you will die slow."

Anomie's voice was soft, absent of any anger or need for revenge. However, her actions spoke volumes of her rage. With Osada Maemi bleeding out on the floor, Dairo had lost his leverage.

"Is it money that you're after? Titles? I know people in high places, and they can get you into ranks of power and prestige. I can get you whatever you want," he offered with raised hands, holding out for any spark of mercy.

It was wasted, but with a predatory step forward, Anomie smiled his way. If he was desperate enough to try and bargain with her, who was she to dissuade him. "Really? Anything? How about a house in Konoha." She could tell he didn't understand her tone of sarcasm, so she'd have to be more obvious. "With a pony. No. Two ponies. And a shark."

She, having thrown away her weapons, used the Chakra from the curse seal to summon one of her Ho'ou. The small bird, decorated in red feathers as if it bled fire, balanced on her finger, and she gazed at it lovingly, as if she were a mother. She stroked its red feathers, small embers rubbing off and catching the wind. They flowed like petals, despite the bird's tiny size, and flew towards him, kissing his cheeks and causing him to slight flinch. Dairo took out one of his tanto, aiming it for her.

She let out a soft laugh as the bird exploded in a flash of fire, raining down over her like pelting snow. She barely even felt it as she was covered in a blanket of Phoenix feathers and fire. She caught his blade from mid air and watched as it turned molten red before melting in her grip.

"What are you?" Dairo's eyes were wide, almost in disbelief at the enemy he made.

"Think a bit more. Try to remember," she whispered, grabbing his throat and forcing him to let out a pained scream. She felt her hand sear into his flesh until she smelt its cooked aroma.

She was careful. She didn't want him dead quite yet, so she tossed him right back out the house, watching as he carefully regained his stance and aimed a Water Jutsu in her direction. She merely laughed, escaping into Maemi's body and allowing the girl to experience any bystander injuries instead of her own body.

It never came, however, as Kakashi grabbed Maemi before she could get hurt by the dragon shaped blob of Chakra infused water. Anomie, from inside the confines of her second resort, began to laugh as he set her down carefully.

"Get out," he ordered, and Anomie looked straight through him, with none of that beady innocence that Maemi would usually exhibit.

Anomie escapes the spare body with a bout of laughter. "What's up? Konan couldn't keep you satisfied?" She leaned forward, blowing him a small kiss. "Don't worry, no can satisfy a man better than I can."

Kakashi was expressionless as he glanced towards Tamaki Dairo. "Were you the one who injured her?" He needed the answer of the man who he had no choice but to return to Maemi's father, alive. Angering a Daimyō was nearly a death sentence.

"It was that crazy bitch," Dairo commented, pointing at the casual Anomie who almost immediately opened her mouth in mock surprise, pointing to her own chest as if to say 'me?'

Kakashi glanced towards Anomie with an exasperated expression. "Really?"

Anomie had a sweet smile but he didn't have time to to reprimand her before she turned into smoke and reappeared behind Dairo. Her fingers trailed up his arms with a smile. Before he had a chance to say anything, she kicked the back of his knee, forcing him to the ground as soon as she heard the snap of bone. He let out a banshee scream while Anomie slammed the thin and long heel of her boot straight through his second knee. It made a popping and crushing sound, as if she just took a hammer to a watermelon.

"Now, don't you go anywhere," she told him with a chuckle, glancing over to Kakashi who didn't look like he wanted another confrontation with her as he ignored her maiming in order to bandage Osada Maemi's neck and abdomen.

The young girl looked to barely be breathing as she mumbled out Kakashi's name.

"Like a kicked puppy. Tell you what, you take the dumbass somewhere safe and I'll make sure my guest gets all of my hospitality."

Kakashi's eyes's narrowed at her proposition. "How about option B." He made a shadow clone, having it take Maemi someplace safe. Preferably away from the battle between the blue haired Akatsuki member and Anemone, who insisted she didn't need his help. However, after seeing how that woman, Konan, fought he doubted such a thing. Even so, Anemone had a greater chance of living through this without his help, but Maemi did not.

Anomie glanced up as one of the feathers of the Ho'ou drifted out of her. She allowed it to rest on her palm, watching as it enveloped her hand in a thick flame. She used it to attack Kakashi, forcing him back, but also forcing her forward. She felt his arm tremor as he grabbed her wrist, the only safe area to grab when her hand was on fire.

He quickly shoved her back, when he notice the flames swipe towards him. He noticed her eyes were cold, but she hesitated before every swipe. Her body seemed to avoid touching him in a way her mind could not comprehend. He tested that theory with a narrowed gaze, pausing before she could punch him with an attack that would hurt, but he could live from. Just as he thought, her fist came to a screeching halt and the flames disappeared.

"That's what I thought," he whispered to her, causing her eyes to narrow.

"It doesn't mean anything," she said, her tone rather casual with a tight lipped smile.

"Doesn't it?" he replied, and she slightly hesitated.

He didn't give her any time to reply as his clone that he had fooled her with disappeared from in front of her eyes, and his real body was grabbing ahold of Dairo with one hand, riddled with Chakra. Her eyes narrowed, watching him carefully as he glanced back towards her. "So that's how it's gonna be then."

"I can't exactly let you kill a war criminal wanted by the Fire Daimyō himself," Kakashi replied, and he noticed that whatever hesitation he had seen in her had begun to disappear.

"I'm warning you, if you take away my revenge...I will slit your throat in your sleep. I don't care how long it takes, I promise that I will." Her threat was quite ominous, and he sighed, realizing that he wouldn't be able to get away with the mission without a fight. He tossed the criminal further behind him, not quite comfortable because of the broken legs, but in no fatal harm.

"Of course. I don't doubt it." Kakashi wasn't capable of being surprised at her words at this point. He was exasperated. Exhausted even. However, he couldn't step aside. Even if it meant that he had to protect the piece of trash that rested behind him. Tamaki Dairo no doubt deserved justice for his actions, but he couldn't place his own honor in question for Anomie any longer. The Fire Daimyō was crooked and corrupt, but he helped govern this nation and held more political sway than most.

With a strengthened resolve, he stood in between her prey and the falling leaves of the trees around them. In spite of everything, he still loved her, but it would no longer be his crippling weakness. It was time to grow up and push all that aside. She took a step forward and it felt like an out of body experience. She wasn't in control and she could only see that man's fingers, gripping into her neck and staining her skin with her own mother's blood. A part of her body had remained smoke, and she hardly looked human.

Maybe that was why she appeared before him that way. Or maybe she spent more time like that than flesh and blood. Slowly, her lips curled into a smile that didn't feel at all sweet. Her eyes weren't settled on him, but rather, Dairo who attempted to crawl back from behind him. "Do you remember me?"

Of course he didn't. How could he? Anomie knew that the girl he raped was Fuyu. That girl was all smiles and carefree dreams about houses made of cheese.

"I was so young when we met. By the riverside you asked me where I lived. I told you—foolish as I was back then. That's on me. Then you brought me food and told me that I could get more if I let you hold me. Manipulations like that would of course work on a girl who only ate scraps of bread and rice," Anomie's comment was said with the absence of emotion, as if she were reading from a script.

At the sound of Anomie's story, perhaps the most Kakashi had ever heard of her past and childhood, caused him to glance back at Dairo. His own earlier determination and consciousness of not allowing this woman to torture a man to death in front of him, began to waver when Anomie's gaze raised to connect with his.

"Move aside Kakashi. I will not ask again," she said, raising her palm and from it, her Chakra gathered and almost engulfed her hand before a flame rose from the middle of her palm. Her control over fire had always been extraordinary, but he had never seen her perform fire techniques without hand signs. She manipulated the Nature Chakra she felt in her body and the air.

She's gotten stronger.

"You are a Leaf Shinobi," Dairo quickly piped up from behind him, as if he sensed Kakashi's resolve filter out. "Do you have no honor—will you let this criminal kill an unarmed man in cold blood?" His voice made Kakashi sick.

Anomie's laugh filled the empty space—making it seem all the more daunting. "No such mercy is deserved." She took another step forward and it was then that the fire took the form of a bird, a cheap trick that proved she was trying to scare him by showing off her own control without the use of her summoning. It flapped towards him before shooting forward like a rocket with no hesitation on her part. However, he was faster, moving to dodge it and simultaneously kicking Dairo out of range of the fire when he saw that it was that man that she was aiming for.

The older man still attempted to escape, however with both legs broken by Anomie, that was nearly impossible. He had no legs and barely a drop of Chakra left. Kakashi moved forward, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward so her back rested against his chest. "Do we always have to fight?"

"I am more than willing to have us go our separate lives, as soon as I _separate that man's head from his body_. Step aside. Do not make me say it again." Her threat didn't feel too intimidating with his tight hold on her arm, however, within moments, her skin began to grow hot. "Baby, I'm just burning when you touch me like that." She chuckled, and he slowly noticed that she was doing symbols with her fingers, a Jutsu technique he had also never seen before. "Ho'ou, now's the time you get off your ass and help a girl out."

Kakashi let her go as her skin turned into fire under his touch. It was fitting—her being untouchable. "Will killing him make you happy?" Kakashi had already decided not to fight.

Anomie, having found the question a surprise, could only pause. However, she was too far gone to properly answer as her hand raised once more to end Dairo's life. "Never know until I try."

Kakashi intervened, kicking Dairo away and defending the blunt of her attack with his tanto. She didn't wait to turn her wraith onto him next and she sent him a flurry of attacks. Every time he raised his blade to defend her oncoming kicks, it would begin to melt under the raw temperature that she emitted.

"Killing and revenge is never the answer, Anomie. I know you realize that too."

"What do you know? Absolutely nothing. You don't know hate—only loss. Loss, due to your own recklessness and inexperience, might I add. Lecture me again, Kakashi, and I swear—"

He used her distraction to prepare a well timed water Jutsu, forming a dragon from the moisture in the air. He hesitated before using it, but he knew that if he didn't, then she might actually kill him. Perhaps she might regret it, but it wouldn't matter when he was dead. She swiftly undid her own fire technique, simultaneously forcing wood from the ground to block her in an unfinished circle. The technique was draining, but her curse seal allowed her to ignore it.

She slowly peaked out of the wood, barely with enough time to hear the oddest sound of birds chirping, but she knew it couldn't be that. She barely managed to dodge his attack as it tore through the wood barrier she had made as if it were built from paper. She swiped to the left and quickly grabbed his arm and slammed it into the ground. The explosion of lightning forced her back, but Kakashi didn't rest, rushing to swipe her next.

"All that work and deadly Jutsu just to save one rapist?" Anomie asked, grabbing onto the scruff of his collar with a whisper that sounded like a shout of judgement in his ears.

"I don't care about that piece of shit," Kakashi said, shoving her back and landing a kick towards her ankles. She couldn't dodge it completely and crashed into the ground. She quickly used a wood release Jutsu to block his next attack.

"How dare you-" Dairo began to complain, much to Kakashi's annoyance.

"Shut the fuck up," Anomie told him in a hiss. Standing up, she fixed her hair and gave Kakashi a sultry smile.

"I care about you, Anomie. Revenge isn't an answer. It's poison. Don't fall into it," he told her and she furrowed her brows, pausing as she glanced towards the old man hiding behind the man she probably loved.

Anomie shook her head, "do you think me a weak flower whose petals fall by the slightest breeze? I cannot live while he still breathes." She pressed her for fingers against her neck. "He nearly choked the life out of me, sold me off, killed my mother. He is the reason my childhood was snatched off the streets. I want him dead. If you cared for me as much as you say you do, then you'd help me now."

"I want to," Kakashi admitted with a sour glance behind him.

"The step aside. Shield your eyes. You didn't see me."

"You nearly killed the Fire Daimyō's daughter, Anomie, and him...who knows what he did to her," Kakashi told her, taking out his blade. "If I let you be the one to kill him, allowing him to escape Konoha's justice and let you obtain yet another life under my watch, I'm finished."

Anomie's eyes grew cold with understanding and her fingers were still slick with Osada's blood. It coated her skin like oil. How much washing would it take to rid herself of a scared fourteen year old's blood? Probably not long.

She let out a dark chuckle. "You are quite right, Kakashi." She dropped her blade at his feet. "This is what I love about you." This made him pause since her eyes were so gentle, but her words were poison. He did not trust them. The timing was odd and her eyes went from calculating to soft much too quickly.

"No you don't," he told her, but it wasn't harsh. He simply felt she was too jaded to properly give him such a look.

"Truly and deeply, do I love you," she told him, and he went to slash her, but the moment he realized she wasn't defending him did he realize he had been tricked. His blade went through her and lodged into the wood clone she had left behind. It curled around his tanto and around his hand.

He glanced behind him, seeing the real Anomie possess Dairo in a mere instant. He kicked away her clone and turned to see the older man stand, despite his injury and broken leg. It looked unnatural and painful, but he knew enough to be certain that she didn't feel it. It was all pain for Dairo.

"I promise to not kill him," Anomie moved stiffly, crooked in a broken body. Dairo's legs were bent, misshapen, and yet still moved in such a way that made Kakashi cringe. Anomie smiled, picking up the blade she had dropped before. "But you simply must defend yourself, Kakashi."

She broke into a sprint, high jacking her captive's Chakra to move, and she felt his pain, but she knew he felt it much stronger. She dashed forward swinging her blade towards him and forcing him to dodge.

"Whatever will you do?" Anomie swung her blade again, forcing him to hit it back with his own. "Either way, this man will die. By your hand or mine. Will you run or face me head on and burrow that beautiful blade in his heart?"

Kakashi's eyes narrowed, kicking the man back hard enough to hear the bones in Dairo's ribs crack. Anomie fell to the ground with a bloody laugh, hearing her captive scream. Yet still, she stood, coughing out the blood that needed escape. The laughter was grating to Kakashi's ears, but overall it was unsurprising since he always knew that she was cruel.

"The longer you prolong this, the more humorous it is for me," Anomie said with a bout of laughter. She felt around her ribs, glancing towards him. "Ah yes, the blood is seeping into his heart now. I will keep him alive for as long as need be. Suffering and in torment."

Kakashi ran his blade through Dairo's body, feeling his heart sink at Anomie's cruel grin. Her head slipped out of his body, as did her arms. Her hands ran up his arms and pulled him forward, sinking his tanto in further. He tried to move back but she pulled him closer.

"I wish things were different," he whispered, and her cruel smile disappeared. Something flickered in her eyes, perhaps regret, perhaps not. He doubted she could feel regret for ending a life of a lowly man such as him.

"I've done what I've had too with the options I've been given," she said, before she leaned forward and forced her lips against his, sinking into him. Her lower body exited Dario and let him fall as she turned corporeal just next to Kakashi's empty hands that dropped his blade. "Whatever you may believe, I do care for you, Kakashi."

"Not as much as you care about yourself, Anomie," he replied, turning away from her and rubbing his eyes as he motioned to walk back towards the village. He didn't turn to watch her hack off Dairo's head. "If Osada Maemi dies, I'll be the one to kill you."

He got no reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ミヤコグサ (Miyakogusa) or a Lotus corniculatus also called Bird's-foot trefoil. This flower is kind of funny since it's so bright and yellow, cheering up any garden. And yet, it has a darker meaning such as 'revenge' which is still a mystery. School children even used to pick these flowers as wards against their teacher's wrath. The flower itself is a symbol of warning.


	46. Bijozakura

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE  
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**SHE HAD NEVER STARED AT A DEAD BODY FOR SO LONG AS THING DARK NIGHT.** His eyes bulged out and his tongue hung out of his mouth when she chopped his head clean off his neck. She grabbed the severed head by the hair and just stared. Oddly enough, seeing it in front of her didn't give her the relieved feeling she was expecting.

Somewhere, deep in her subconscious, she had an irrational belief that if she did this then her mother would come back to her. How insane and impossible, but of course, lately her thoughts weren't very rational. Every day felt like one more step towards insanity. She knew that once she got there, then she wasn't ever coming back.

In her attempt for her own means, she had made the only person left in this world that she actually cared about suffer. What was worse was that if she went back in time, she'd do it again. And again. And again. Not because she didn't care about him, or that he didn't hold a permanent compartment in her heart because he did. She'd do it again because after so long feeling nothing, the guilt and pain and anger was a relief and filled her life with something other than the monotonous everyday bore.

Anomie sealed the head in a scroll, those feelings begin to creep back. Humanity was funny that way. No matter how many times she tried to ignore it or push it away, it always found a way to creep back in. However, she had come so far, and she couldn't let it overtake her.

Would she feel guilt if Kakashi got his career set back a couple years because of her?

When she met up with Konan an hour later at their hiding spot, she concluded that no. She wouldn't. Not because she didn't care about him. It was her mission and her path. Her feelings meant nothing and her desires meant nothing so long as they both didn't interfered with what she needed to do.

The was no going back. Only forward. Now that he was dead, while it served as no relief, it was better than before. It was better that Kakashi thought of her negatively and it was better that Dairo was dead. She didn't need anyone to care about her. She didn't need anyone.

Konan knelt down, grabbing ahold of Anomie's arm and inspecting the cut that traveled deep and long up the side of her arm. Anomie hadn't noticed she even got injured and she didn't care to remember. Her humanity tasted so fresh and seared through her.

"You were reckless today," Konan informed her and Anomie slightly chuckled.

"I realize that. Reckless and foolish. You probably think it best if Tamaki Dairo evaded me," Anomie replied, glancing towards Konan's nimble fingers as she began to clean off the wound with a bit of water and a small piece of her robe. She spoke so highly of the uniform, but there she was, ripping it to clean a foolish wound.

"I doubt he could have," Konan told her, tucking a strand of blue hair behind her ear while Anomie's eyes ran over the small rose that she still wore in between strands on her head. "I've come to realize that despite your reputation and methods, you always get things done in the end, don't you?"

Konan carefully wrapped Anomie's arm in gauze, and Anomie watched the woman perform such a nothing task with such focus. The woman's words were still ringing in her head like a bell. Slowly, Konan met the other woman's steely gaze with a slightly awkward clear of the throat before she glanced away. "Do you trust me?" Anomie asked, and while the question was random, Konan answered seriously and without hesitation.

"I think you have a lot of secrets. Yet, you have the oddest sense of self-preservation. One second you are ready to take the hit, and the next you toss everyone down to save yourself," Konan said, once more tucking her escaping bits of hair behind her ear. Anomie's attention remained fixed on every detail and awkward action of her partner. "However...despite all that...I actually trust you the most in this group."

Anomie glanced down at her carefully wrapped arm before glancing back towards Konan with a slight smile. "Many people have died because they trusted me."

Konan paused, meeting Anomie's intense gaze. "They were weak. I can take care of myself. I won't be dying, least of all because of anything you've done."

Anomie glanced down at her Akatsuki cloak, the one she always berated as lame and that Konan always adamantly defended. She placed it carefully around her shoulders before meeting Konan's much too serious gaze. Slowly, Anomie lightly dusted her fingers against the flower in her hair. "I like you best with this in your hair. You look so serious all the time. Learn to relax and smile. I imagine that your smile is very beautiful."

Anomie couldn't say she wasn't tempted to lean in for a moment. Konan's gaze was so earnest. What others saw as emotionless, Anomie saw as devotion. She saw kindness. Goodness. Where other saw coldness, Anomie felt warmth.

"I'd rather you focus less on being playful, and more on your job. That's where all your foolishness stem from." Konan's warning made Anomie laugh.

The cave was damp and humid, but it served its purpose as being out of the way, yet closer to the land of fire than the Village Hidden in the Mist. It did its job well as a meet up location since the Leaf ninja searching the forest were unlikely to see it unless they knew what they were looking for.

"That man, Tamaki Dairo...what did he mean to you?" Konan ended up asking, causing Anomie to glance over to the sealing scroll that held his head. She ran her fingers over it with a slight smile.

"Nothing. He meant nothing," she said, unable to utter out the worst part of the story.

As if he were a father, she had once loved him.

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"What is all this?" Anomie asked, three weeks after having delivered the severed head to the village hidden in the mist.

Inside the Akatsuki's hideout, stood Tobi and Kisame in front of a surprised Konan. Anomie, having taken up a dip in the hot springs just before showing up to the hideout for some much needed supplies, was surprised to see Kisame already back from his mission.

"Orochimaru deflected the Akatsuki," Konan answered while Anomie continued ringing out her hair.

"And?" Anomie replied, not seeing the huge deal with it, especially considering that the only thing he brought to the group was a reminder that he could use a serious tan.

"He took the Akatsuki ring with him," Konan answered as if it were taboo.

"So?" Anomie glanced down at her own ring with a frown since it always ruined her outfits. "It's not even made of gold."

Konan slightly frowned, but Tobi glanced Anomie's way with a happy skip in his step. "No matter to all that, An-chan. I heard that you caused quite the scene in Taiki." Taiki, otherwise known as the Fire Daimyō's official village and hence known as the area Anomie had quite easily strolled up to as if she were there for a picnic. She, of course, only knew where it was due to her past experience in Anbu. How foolish of them to trust her not to tattle.

"Did I do that?" Anomie continued ringing out her hair with a shrug. "I'm afraid I don't remember the insignificant details. For example, the moment I look away from you, I literally forget you exist."

Tobi wiped his eye hole, that seemed to comically leak with tears in a way that made her wonder if he was even human. The fact of the matter remained that he still creeped her the fuck out. "My mom always told me that girls are meaner to those they like." Tobi sniffed while Anomie continued to towel dry her hair.

"You're mom sounds like a lonely whore, but whatever," Anomie walked past him, turning towards Kisame. "I missed you. Is that a new set of gills? Kids just grow up so fast these days."

"And here I was thinking no one would notice," Kisame retorted with a sharp grin, tracing his jaw with his pointer finger. Anomie slightly smiled, tilting her head to the side and getting ready to reply with something undeniably sassy, however, Tobi didn't give her the chance.

"I was hoping we could retrieve that ring," Tobi told her, causing Anomie to sigh, having hoped to not have to hear his voice again. "Maybe then I could become an official member."

"It's not that simple." A voice, deep and monotone, appeared from behind Anomie. This in itself was odd, considering she was nearly up against the cave wall.

She basically jumped out of her skin, careful not to blink as Zetsu escaped the rocks. She had never met him in person, but with the way only one half of his face grinned with his head encased in what looked like a Venus fly trap, made her know that she could have gone her whole life having never met him.

"Yo, I'm not sure if you are just lazy or you wanna show off, but the entrance to the cave is literally five feet to your left," Anomie informed him, and his eyes snapped towards hers, almost unnaturally. She couldn't see how this man could possibly be human.

It was like someone had cut two different people in half and then sewed them back together. That would explain why he looked like shit. Zetsu didn't look amused by her comment, and she began to wonder how someone so serious could stand to be around Tobi as a partner does.

"You have so many enemies Anomie. I'm beginning to see why," Zetsu told her her, but it felt like more of a threat. Anomie's lips quirked, taking a tiny step forward.

Her eyes were filled with malice when she met his unwavering gaze. Her lips, however, were pressed into its ever present smile that didn't betray a single honest thought she could have. "Is it cause I'm so devilishly charming?"

"That could be it," Kisame agreed and she gave him a smooth wink, ignoring the vibrant tension in the cave.

"I have a question," Anomie raised her hand like a school girl in class, and Konan placed her face into her hand as the tension in the cave became palpable. "Do you sleep inside the plant or do you slither out at night?"

The black portion of Zetsu chuckled as he took a step forward. Anomie awaited an inevitable attack, but Tobi stood in front of her in one swift motion. "Fighting makes me nervous~" Tobi commented with tear stained mask. "Lets just all get along."

"Sorry, Tobi. I can never resist a bit of science. All in good fun, huh Zetsu?" Anomie's apology wasn't at all genuine, and her smile didn't disappear. It had begun to look like sculpted porcelain, never losing its shape. "Tell you what, I'll get you some nice lady bugs next time I see you."

"I'm going to enjoy watching you die," the black portion of Zetsu told her, while his white half interjected with a comment more higher pitched and creepy. "Of nice old age, hopefully."

"See. We're getting along just fine, Tobi," Anomie pat his back with a happy grin, running her hand up his shoulder before resting her arm on it. The position would have been awkward with the height difference if not for her heels, and she did feel Tobi slightly freeze under her touch.

Konan stepped forward, "Pein-sama instructed me to fill you all on your next few missions."

"I was actually thinking about taking a small hiatus to check in on some old friends," Anomie announced, causing Kisame to slightly chuckle while Konan gave her an incredulous expression in return.

"As if you have any friends," Kisame told her, causing her to let out a gasp, dropping her arm from its resting place on Tobi's shoulder.

"I consider Konan a dear friend," Anomie disagreed, causing Konan to toss a mission scroll towards the girl with a deadpan. Anomie caught it in one hand without looking, almost immediately beginning to break open the seal.

"Then how about, as a friend, you just do as you're told," Konan told her, and Anomie chuckled.

"Don't I always? I can already guess this oncoming mission," she slightly smirked, skimming a couple lines. "How predictable."

Konan tossed a mission scroll over to Tobi, who fumbled with it before dropping it at Anomie's feet. "Oops," he said, while Anomie gave the scroll a nonchalant kick his way without looking away from the scroll.

"Figured that if anyone knew Orochimaru's hideout style, its you," Konan said, glancing over towards the girl.

"Haven't made a house call in a while. About time I visit some old acquaintances," she already turned to walk away, not even bothering with a goodbye. "Looks like it's you and me again, scales. Lets skin a snake."

"Most important thing is the ring," Konan called after her, catching Kisame's amused gaze.

"Don't worry. I'll keep her on track," Kisame stated, following her out.

"Ever think about getting a horse?" Anomie asked, and Kisame raised his brow.

"You run faster than a horse. Why would you need one?" he asked, and Anomie tossed him the scroll, having finished skimming it. It lost her attention quickly, so she mostly decided to wing the majority of the mission.

"Cause I want one."

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Anomie glanced up from her papers, looking over the details on Orochimaru's base. Her fingers danced along strands of silver hair as they dug into her scalp. Her vibrant honey colored eyes snapped up towards Kisame with a slight frown decorating her lips as a smear of disdain took over her expression. He met her gaze as he continued his training while leaving her to the busy work.

"We can't do this alone," she told him, ushering in her own annoyance.

"We can't?" Kisame scoffed, already prepared to disagree. "Maybe you can't. Orochimaru isn't so tough."

"The area is surrounded by nearly fifty high level detection Jutsu. Even if we can dismantle the ones I know of, whose to say Orochimaru hasn't added more. I mean, he can't expect me to keep this information to myself."

"Not exactly trustworthy," Kisame agreed, causing Anomie to smirk as she crossed her legs. The slit in the kimono she wore hiked up, showing an outline of her legs, unscarred and unscathed, despite all the dangerous situations she put herself through. She always managed to avoid the worst of wounds, and the scar she did have after that masked freak killed Saru and nearly killed her had disappeared when the Ho'ou gave her their power. "I don't need any of your usual tricks, Anomie. I can fight who you are too afraid to fight." Kisame's sharp grin was mocking, but Anomie wasn't bothered.

"I am not afraid. I am cautious," Anomie stood, tossing the papers into their makeshift campfire. "I was an underling of Orochimaru. I know his creations better than anyone. I know of monsters in that hideout of the like you have never seen. A man whose power is intense and who doesn't feel pain. Hack and hack away you might, but he will keep on coming. They are bloodthirsty and dangerous. While we are dealing with them, Orochimaru and that ugly ring get away."

"Quite passionate," Kisame dug his giant blade into the dirt and leaned against it with a smirk. "What do you have in mind then, Anomie?"

"An arrangement. A distraction. Fodder." She slipped her hand into her robes, reaching into the pocket that was just over her breast and she pulled out Rin's stitched talisman of protection. She turned it around and glanced at the markings that Tsukasa had made on the back.

"What do you have in mind?" Kisame repeated, growing bored. "You like to muse around the point. I forgot how cryptic you are."

"It's because it's none of your business. What we need is someone to go in before us. Stir shit up. While they are making a mess of one end of the hideout, we sneak around back to my secret entrance. We find Orochimaru. We take the ring. We make him suck his own dick. I don't give a fuck," Anomie raised her hand, outstretching it towards him with a smile. "What do you say, Sharknado."

"Sharknado?" he asked, placing his own blue hand into hers in a firm sign of approval.

"Tornado and shark. Combined. You don't like it?"

"That's dumb."

"Your right. Sharks aren't good on anything. Not even eating," Anomie agreed, watching his eyes flare into a sign of annoyance. "I did say something like this before, didn't I? What was it?" She stepped forward, letting go of his hand. "Oh right. Is it racist to say that all sharks taste like gamy crap? You never did answer me last time."

"Are you trying to pick a fight, Anomie?" Kisame's eyes were lidded when he gazed down at her, but Anomie didn't back down. "Is this because I said you were afraid?"

"I am not afraid," she assured him, her eyes narrowed and sharp like steel. "I am not."

"If you say so, but if you ask me, I'd say you are afraid of everything," he told her, and she stared up at him. "You try to pull of this tough act, and you do it well. You are afraid, but you don't have to be. I'll protect you."

"I don't need protection," she assured him, grabbing him by the scruff of his robes and sinking her lips onto his with no gentleness. It was rough and unreciprocated. When she pulled away, her eyes were still hard.

"What are you doing?" he asked, and she smiled, Rin's talisman still in a tight fist in between her palm and his robes.

It was a power move, and sometimes that was what sex was all about. It was about power and control. Two things that Anomie had begun to lose in her weakness and recklessness.

"You don't know?" she asked, and his grin came back.

She moved up again, her eyes not closing or so much as inching away from his gaze when she kissed him again. She felt his hand against her hip, pulling her forward in so rough a manner that any other woman might have woken with bruises. With just as much force, she gripped his neck as if she would break it, feeling him chuckle, vibrating against her lips.

Sometimes, sex was power.

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Konoha wasn't much different than she remembered it. Even after deciding that her plan was the better one, since Kisame couldn't come up with a better strategy, she still dreaded coming back here. Especially since security had tightened in order to keep her out. She suspected it was Danzo's decision, but she hardly thought he knew enough about her to properly guard against her.

To her left, past the third line of trees surrounding the village, was where the barrier started. The Detection Division of Konoha were elite in their skills at intercepting invaders, but they had never been able to keep her out of Konoha before. She knew the barrier quite intimately, and it had been changed to find any trace of Chakra residue in the air. If she got too close, she would be caught and the Interception Division would have to put their usual activities of drinking tea and gambling to the side to deal with her.

One was a Hyūga. How she loathed the clan with a passion that was mostly absent from her life.

The weakest point of the village was near the east side. A tunnel resided, leading past the city gates, run by only the most notorious criminals of the underground world of Konoha. The Izana clan. The irony was not lost on Anomie that Tsukasa of the Izana clan was exactly the same one she had been searching for. Anomie only knew about this entrance due to her own history of prostitution.

Criminals always were the most gossipy type and Anomie liked to talk more than have sex with a man who thought a g-spot was a type of food.

"There is a certain crime, that if it is attempted, is punishable, but if it is committed, is not punishable. What is the crime?"

Anomie glanced around, but saw nothing but more leaves and trees. It was something she was sick of, but in the land of Fire, trees had more of a population than people. The source of the voice came from above her, but nothing but sunlight trickled out through the branches to greet her. Anomie took a step back, not bothering to even take out her blade. "Suicide."

"Ah, so you know the answer and the word, yet you, Koneko, come here with no worry. I must assume you are just asking for it," the man appeared before her, as if he were summoned from nothing. Anomie took notice to the mask of a cat with wide and sharp teeth, extending from ear to ear. It was oddly scary for a cat costume. His legs were nimble and he crouched against the thin branch with such grace and balance that he nearly looked like a cat.

"If you think you are capable of killing me, kitty, you have another thing coming," she warned him, and his head tilted to the side, mask and all, as he leaned closer. She waited for the branch to snap, as it looked so brittle, but it didn't so much as wiggle.

"I am the Warai Neko. The guardian of the gate," he told her, and Anomie raised a single brow. "You seek entry? What do you have to offer?"

After seeing that the village was especially warded against her, she grew annoyed at her side quest to enter it. She had heard rumors of the cat that lurked around the gate, but she always assumed that it was yet another mention of Tora having escaped from the fugly woman's hands. She saw now that she was wrong. "How about I allow you to keep your head?" His deadly smile looked even more daunting when he chuckled. She saw into his eyes through the slits of the mask, noticing that they held the look of a corpse and were bright blue and dilated.

"You are an Izana," she hovered her fingers over the mask. The Izana clan was an often discussed topic of the Anbu Black ops as the family that could not be touched without great care due to their intense connections to revenue and trade. She didn't know much about them, only that their eyes always seemed to be the first to give out and start to look as if rigor mortis had taken hold.

"What do you have to offer? It would be bad for business to let a criminal inside," he said, and Anomie smirked.

"Isn't it because of criminals that you have a business," she told him and he jumped off the branch, landing on all fours before standing. He was much taller than her and his legs were too thin and too quick. Just from his mannerisms, she could guess that he didn't fight much, but that didn't mean he wasn't strong.

"That is very true, you may enter," he stepped aside, and through the thick layer of Genjutsu, she had barely managed to see and only after he had released it, was a gate.

"Just like that?" Anomie was suspicious since Izana were known for riddles and games and tricks. Perhaps that was why Tsukasa had cast herself out of her own clan.

"Just like that," he motioned for her to go forward, and she took a cautious step, completely expecting it when he placed his arm in front of her, glancing her way with a chuckle. "Oh wait. I nearly forgot. We demand an entry fee. It's simple enough."

"What is it?" she asked, careful, yet not hesitant.

"If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like riddles," she answered, and he clicked his tongue.

"I like you Koneko. You don't want that to change. Answer the question," he ordered, and his voice was light and singsongy, but his body language was malicious.

"A secret." Anomie was filled with secrets, but she had none she wanted to share with the likes of him.

"I'm glad to see you are more than just a pretty face," he stated, and she narrowed her eyes.

"My secret is this: I placed a Chakra suppressor on your Nine Tailed host, Naruto. It interferes with his Chakra output. Unless it's removed, he will never be a talented ninja," she answered, and he let out a chuckle.

"That's a juicy one. It's sure to bring up many laughs later. Do go on ahead, Koneko," he said with a deep chuckle. She walked forward and didn't look back.

The gate led into a tunnel, dark and nearly endless. If she didn't have a good sense of direction then she might have gotten lost in the disorientation and the haze of black. She kept walking forward, keenly aware of her steps and the chill. It was a wonder that she didn't get lost with all the twists and turns. The tunnel was a test that she didn't want to lose. Every step brought her closer to the village that she may or may not have hated.

By the time she reached a dead end, light flooded when the wall opened up with a well timed earth Jutsu, leading into a dimly lit and well decorated room. She was met by the bored face of a white haired man. Covering his face was a well matched mask of a rabbit and not the cute kind of white rabbit but one with crazy eyes and splatters of blood.

"You made it through the tunnel you did, follow me this way and cover your mouth to secrets we forbid," he said in an unenthusiastic sing songy voice.

"Fuck off, carrot humper," Anomie said, turning into smoke and disappearing.

She would probably live to regret pissing off the Izana clan, since they were highly connected traders who existed in multiple villages under different names. However, she was not afraid of them and much preferred her own method of getting a mission finished.

With one last look towards the Izana complex, she turned back into flesh, her heels balancing against the tiled roof of one of the many hotels in the red light district. If she looked a bit to the right she would find the whore house where she had once been known as Kiyomi. That felt like a lifetime ago and she had no interest in going back.

Tsukasa's whereabouts was the greatest challenge since through it all, Anomie didn't know as much about the girl as she would like. In fact, she knew nearly nothing. It didn't matter, because regardless of all that, Anomie did know one single connection they shared.

The Uchiha residence was not far from the Izana clan, but Anomie was rather hesitant to enter. After all, the last time had involved a massacre and Anomie hardly wanted to bring up those memories when they were just starting to depart. However, she didn't always get to choose where she went.

She tightened her robes, scanning the area below for a familiar face before finally seeing the dark raven hair of a Uchiha woman. Anomie could always recognize the Uchiha clan from the way they brandished their clan symbol in every piece of clothing. She wouldn't be surprised if they have it tattooed on the tips of their dicks.

She backflipped off the roof, turning into smoke mid way. She landed in a haze around the Uchiha woman's face, possessing her. The body rejected her, like most did at first, but Anomie was stronger. If the citizens and criminals of the red light district took notice to her struggle, they didn't comment. Anomie chose someone in the red light district to possess, since she doubted not a single person would even stop for a dead body in this place. It rose too many questions that most didn't have answers for in the state of suspicion.

Anomie stood up straight before turning her heel and walking towards the Uchiha complex. It wasn't a long walk, and the guards welcomed her inside without much suspicion. The security had increased since her massacre, and yet they didn't guard their own people against malicious murders like her.

She meant to go straight to Itachi's house, but she paused, staring at the burnt down council hall from her nightmares. It was untouched from where she last saw it, except for the flowers that decorated the ground in memorial. She shouldn't be here. She didn't deserve to be here.

"Your grandfather was a good man," a voice told her, causing her to glance to her side where an old man stood next to her. "He didn't deserve a death like that."

Anomie had to disagree. They all deserved their fate. The Uchiha elders taught discord in a time of troubled peace. They didn't care about the children whose lives would be ruined by a minority's need to get back their dwindling power. No. They would have destroyed the Konoha that Rin loved.

The blood on Anomie's hands was justified if she placed herself in the role of a martyr. After all, most things weren't so bad if you tell yourself that you are only playing a role. She had to assume that stance, lest she lose herself once more to guilt.

"He was a good man," Anomie said in agreement. Yet even good man lie. Even good men murder. Even good men rape. Anomie knew that well and every council member and civil war activist could be good men, but one bad and selfish deed, if great enough, erases that entirely.

"You should get home, Izumi. It's getting late," the old man said, kneeling down next to the picture frame of a woman. They were both in it, smiling and glaring right at her. She didn't see the onyx color of that woman's eyes. All Anomie saw were the empty sockets and wide mouth, opened and ready to scream.

Anomie turned her tail, like a cat or a child, and got away as fast as she could.

She couldn't afford to get anymore distracted on things that jeopardize the persona she worked so hard to build. She'd be damned if she allowed it to crumble beneath her feat like a house of cards. More than that, if it fell, she didn't have the patience to re-stack the deck.

She didn't even bother using the front door when she got to Itachi's house. She just jumped to the window, using this body's Chakra to suction her palms to the walls of the house. She merely tapped the window with her pointer finger, sending out a jolt of her Chakra and watching the glass crumble in an instant. It was stronger than her normal Chakra type attacks, and she noticed with brief amusement that this body's nature was lightning type Chakra. She jumped in through the broken window to the room that she remembered, due to them having been past partners, as Itachi's.

It was rather plan and predictable, from the swords nailed in place to the walls and the grey bed sheets that covered the queen sized bed. "How boring." Anomie whispered, walking towards the desk where a folder rested unopened.

She ran her fingers over the tan folder, opening it up to see blank pages. _How predictable. A seal protecting the contents. Clever._

Anomie strained her ears, gathering Chakra to improve her senses when she heard the distinct sound of training coming from outside. She jumped to the window seal, flipping onto the roof with light and soundless grace before crouching down and crawling with soundless motions, allowing her black leggings to scrape against the rough tiles of the Uchiha's house.

In the distance, she caught sight of Itachi practicing one of his many Fire Jutsu when a kunai came flying her direction. Anomie caught it in between her pointer and middle finger, allowing the tip of the blade to rest just in front of her eye. She jumped down with a flip, landing right in front of him.

"What are you doing here, Izumi?" Itachi asked, his face expressionless as he stared at her.

"Obviously here to watch those ripping muscles," Anomie answered and his eyes narrowed for a split second before going back to normal.

"Anomie," he muttered, taking a step back.

"Did you miss me?" From the look in his eyes, she very much doubted it.

"Why that body?" he asked instead, and she raised a single brow.

"Why? Does she mean something to you?" Anomie took a step forward, staring into his eyes and seeing something rather peculiar. "She does, doesn't she?"

"That's enough. What do you want?" Itachi asked, and she blinked a couple times. This body, physically, was the same age as him, so it wouldn't be odd if he had a girl on the side. It would be awkward, considering Anomie apparently killed this girl's grandfather.

"I'll close my eyes and if you want, you can kiss me," Anomie offered and watched as Itachi crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's wrong on so many levels," he reminded her and she grinned.

"The fact that it's wrong is what makes it so much fun," she said.

"Aren't you in your 20's," he asked and her grin widened.

"Not right now. I'm Uchiha Izumi, speaking to the man of my dreams," she told him and he grimaced.

"Do you hear yourself when you talk?" Itachi asked and she gave him a sneer.

"I wish I could, but I'm Izumi," she reminded him, stepping closer in a very inappropriate manner for a woman her age.

"Always did have a problem with personal space," Itachi muttered as he took a step back. "What do you want?"

"World peace," she answered, tapping her pointer finger against her lip. "Maybe a horse too."

"Why a horse?"

"They are majestic animals," she answered, and he frowned.

"What. Do. You want?" He repeated and she held back her smile as she glanced around the vibrant green scenery and branches of trees that hung like blankets of leaves. It made a perfect area for privacy and she didn't sense anyone near.

"I want to offer you something."

"Can you offer it faster?"

"Orochimaru's hideout. You interested in helping me taking down?"

Itachi didn't look interested, but Anomie knew she got his attention by the twinkle in his eyes. "Why hand over the information you've been hoarding for these last couple years?"

"Don't you trust me?" Anomie asked, feigning hurt.

"No," he answered, wondering how she could even ask such a question. "What do you gain?"

"I don't want him dead quite yet, but it would be funny to watch him lose his favorite base. It's for shits and giggles," she answered.

"And the Konoha ninja who lose their lives to this mission?" Itachi retorted, and she let out a chuckle.

"Stop. You're making this even more amusing," she answered, slipping out of Izumi's body as if she were a used sock. She allowed the girl to fall, but Itachi caught her in his arms, a little too gently if Anomie was being honest. She reached into her own body's weapons pouch and pulled out a scroll. "This is the only file I have on everything I know about this particular hideout. The data I've gathered is a bit outdated but it's a helpful guideline on how to get past at least a high percentage of his security. Knowing him, he added more complex Jutsu to his detection barrier, but with those eyes of yours, you should see right through it."

"What is your real purpose for all this?" Itachi asked, and Anomie gave him a sweet smile, not at all innocent.

"Give my love to Kasa," Anomie said, turning around to walk away. "Oh, and nice bedroom. Not at all predictable. A+, you know, except for the broken window."

He let out a very deep and exasperated sigh by the time Anomie disappeared into a cloud of smoke, leaving him with the mess of explaining to Izumi why she was in his arms when she woke up.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

She had to sit back and to observe for the time being after handing the files to Itachi or Tsukasa. She had meant to sit around and watch until they were undoubtably deployed for this mission, that way she and Kisame could use them as a distraction. She had meant to make herself scarce, but Anomie couldn't quite do what she meant to when it came to seeing him.

From her spot amongst the trees, she watched him train his new Genin team just as she knew he someday would. She had to admit, they were not what she had in mind. They seemed lazy and arrogant, unworthy of Kakashi's knowledge. Then again, she doubted any student could be worthy of him or any woman for that matter.

She wasn't too surprised when he spent most of the time reading his book and ignoring their existence entirely. It was so casual a scene that it brought a slight smile to her traitorous lips. Every time he looked her direction, proving his detection skills had not diminished, she would turn into smoke and hide amongst the leaves. This proved that she was simply better at hiding or maybe Konoha drew him into a false sense of security.

She still couldn't watch him for too long, and she decided to leave before he saw her, ruining everything she came here to do. How would she explain that to Kisame after all her big talk about control and power?

She lingered in hesitation, but she didn't stop even though she wanted to. Now wasn't the right time for a reunion.

She wasn't fully capable of separating herself, and the next moment she had already traveled to his apartment. He hadn't moved, even if he should have. He still lived just above her old apartment, near the red light district. She, if she were him, would have moved apartments due to memories. She ran her fingers over the walls and the counter.

If she closed her eyes, she could still remember the smell of rice and the way he would form it into triangles with a grumpy expression as he complained that she ate all his food. She could still see the sunlight, shining into his windows and she leaned against the marble counter, just picturing him.

She knew it was an invasion of privacy, but it wasn't even on the list of bad things she had done to him. That didn't make it right, but it at least eased the hesitation when she cracked open the door to his room. She made sure to leave everything in tact if she touched it, knowing he was neurotic about the state of his personal affects.

His bed was made as if it had never been slept on, but his pillow smelt like him when she submerged her face into the smooth cotton. The linen blankets sunk around her and if she closed her eyes, she could picture him next to her. She didn't realize how badly she craved him until she closed her eyes and basked in his serendipitous memory.

She couldn't stay.

She also couldn't move.

"I don't know how I'm expected to react to this," Kakashi's voice interrupted her thoughts and she glanced up at the time, wondering how she could ever allow herself to fall asleep.

There was something about him that brought her a peace that she couldn't describe. She couldn't help but want to be with him at all times, despite everything she has done to betray him.

"I remembered how comfortable your bed was," she said, feeling her heart drum in her chest.

"You need to leave," he warned her, and she slightly smiled, leaning against his pillows and sprawling her hair against his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Do you actually want me to?" she asked, and felt her heart burn at his nonchalance at her presence. Anomie stood up and was in front of him in a moment. His eye was empty, and she noticed something he hardly ever showed her due to his past infatuations. He was angry at her.

"Yes. That's why I said it. Just leave," he ordered and she slightly smiled.

"If that is what you want." She owed it to him to respect his wishes, and when she turned her back to him, he placed his palm against his eyes. His hand fisted at his side, only to return back to normal when he sensed her hesitation. She paused, turning back around and shoving him into the wall. "You know what? Screw you."

His expression was blank when she bombarded him with anger of her own. She leaned closer, holding his gaze. "The world is better off without Tamaki Dairo. The way he died is on you. I was just fine doing it on my own. You're the one who stepped up into my business. You're the one who didn't listen. Screw you."

"Me?" He brushed past her, getting distance. "Me? You are the most self absorbed girl I have ever met. You walk back into my life, daring to ask for favors and being a smart ass as if nothing ever effects you."

"What am I supposed to do?" She shot back her retort just as strongly, taking a step forward. "It's you who has the hero complex, acting like you can save the world when you can't even save your friends." As she hit him with his weakness, she pressed her finger into his chest, pushing him back. He slapped it away, as if her touch disgusted him.

"That may be true, but at least I can move on with my life. You are still the same spoiled little girl you have always been. You are the one who constantly brings misery with your very existence. You are the one stuck in the past. The truth is, there is no saving you. There was never anything to save," he shot back, pushing her away from him.

Even through her anger, she glanced down at his lips through his mask, but her eyes shot back up to his before he could notice. "Glad to see you caught up to what I was telling you from the beginning. Bravo."

"I'm a slow learner, but I learn eventually," he reminded her, and she leaned forward.

"Do you?" she searched his eye, and when she found what she was looking for she slightly smiled.

"Leave. I won't warn you again," he said, but she had a feeling that he would. He was all words, and he always said that he hated her just as much as he loved her. He must have hated her a lot in this moment. "I don't know what you're planning while you're here, but it wasn't to talk to me."

"No. It wasn't," she agreed, her chest heaving up and down with her own quick breathing. "But that's not to say it wasn't my swaying decision. How many teams have you already failed? Whose really stuck in the past?"

He paused, his eye slightly widening.

"What? You think I don't keep tabs on a couple things going on in Konoha?" She loved the way his eyes would soften when looking at her in the past, and she would give anything to see it one more time. "When it's important enough, I keep track."

_He would kiss me, right now, even after everything I'd done. I was poison, and he was the medicine that never failed to make me forget._

He didn't though. Not this time. She wouldn't let him. She tried so hard to make him hate her, and he was beginning to finally start. She gave him another push and it was all calculated and absolutely breaking her in half when he looked at her like that. She tried to be apathetic, but when he looked at her, it was hard when all she wanted to so was touch him.

"You're absolutely insane," he told her, running his hand through his silver strands of messy hair that always defied gravity itself.

"I said that from the beginning too. Are you stupid or just deaf? I have to assume both considering your serious lack in ability to pick a girl who wants you back," she reminded him, and he scoffed, her words hurtful, but he was already done with her defensive nature.

"Let's not pretend," he said, slipping down his mask and taking a step forward just as she took a step back. "You always want me."

"I don't love you," she told him, and he scoffed, watching as her eyes traced his lips over and over again.

"No. You don't, but you want me. I know you enough to realize that. The difference is that this time, I don't want you back," he told her and she went silent, holding his gaze and slowly her eyes traced his jaw and his nose and even small strands of lashes.

He didn't look away, and they were both breathing hard when he moved in closer. She didn't know which one of them leaned in first. She didn't know when their lips touched, but she lost all control when his hands ran up her back, pulling her forward until he fell short of brushing his lips upon hers.

"What is wrong with me?" he asked and her eyes met his once more, but she had no answer. She had long since lost control from the moment she laid her head into his bed, realizing how difficult it would be to leave. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

He'd expected some sizzle, but the magnetic draw was always an unexpected shock. The second his lips touched hers, his free hand cupped her long neck, which arched backward to accommodate his height. His thumb ran along the smooth curve of her throat as his body closed the gap between them. He dropped his control to bury his fingers into her hair and pull her closer.

It was, perhaps, the most desperate kiss they had ever had. It filled her chest with hot air of which his lips were the only thing capable of absorbing. His fingers gripped her head, squeezing her hair in a way that was rather violent. It was all need and desire, proving both of them wrong when they said they didn't want each other.

She made a gasp when his hand ran down her body, as if his fingers were trying to remember her and embed the feel of her in his memories. She, just as quickly, wrapped her legs around his waist pulling him closer as her fingers gripped his hair. Her back was pressed against the wall just next to the entrance to his room, gently, so as not to hurt her. It was doubtful that he could.

He pulled away, is if he had been burned. However, she was much faster, grabbing him by the back of his neck and run her palms up so they cupped his face. She couldn't let him start to overthink at this moment. Her right hand knocked off his headband, that way she could see both his eyes and he could forget about being a Konoha Shinobi for a night.

"I want you. I always want you," she assured him, and it was perhaps the most truthful she had ever been. "I know you do too. You save a look, just for me." His gaze slightly softened, holding onto her and smothering her. "There's my look-"

He kissed her, and she breathed him in. His hands ran up her neck, cupping her in between his palms as her head dipped into his lips and her fingers traced the back of his arms before running up and interlacing the back of his hands.

He didn't even realize when he had pressed her back up against his bed, him on top, until she chuckled. He slightly smirked, finding her smile a very welcome sight. "What?"

"Finally getting a girl to bed. Must be exciting after all that porn," she murmured, taking his bottom lip into her teeth with a smirk.

"Time of my life," he said in a dry tone of voice as he leaned into her palm when it pressed against his cheek. This time, when they kissed, it was gentle. It was delicate, is if they were savoring every moment as if the next it would be ruined. That was a likely scenario with Anomie, and he knew it and so did she. "And whose to say you're the one girl to be in my bed?"

She slightly grinned, and pulled him forward. She did feel a moment of irrational envy that she had no right to feel. She swallowed down the possessiveness and dragged her lips, light and smooth, over the sharp curve of his jaw. "I'll be the only one who you remember."

"I don't know. Number 8 was very memorable," he said, slightly smiling at the expression on her face. It was amused, and perhaps this was the most light hearted conversation they had ever had.

"It's for the best. I'll send them all a fruit basket for teaching you how to kiss," she mocked and his mouth opened for a moment before he chuckled.

"Don't bother. There could never be anyone else but you," he leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers as his hands rested on either side of her face. "Only you..."

She searched his eyes for a moment, before hers slowly began to grow gentle. It wasn't something he had seen the entire time he had know her. Especially not like this. It was unguarded and absolutely intoxicating. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers while his legs stationed her in between.

He tried to fight against it, but she had a talent for making him crave her as if she were a drug. It was the warmth of her skin, the comfort of her smile, the twinkle in her eyes, the strength of her heart. He had never met a girl like her. One so ready to fight and to grow stronger. When she touched him, even when he hated her, it always set fire to his blood stream. He could feel her raging inside him and the only way to let it out was to touch her.

She flipped them over with a strength that told him that she had grown or perhaps she made him weak. Her hands ran up his chest undoing his flak jacket before placing her hand against his chest, palm flat against the dark blue shirt underneath. She felt his breathing as if it were her own and his heartbeat banged against her palm, despite the calm expression on his face.

She glanced up, catching his eyes before leaning over and kissing his nose, before running her lips down his jaw and resting her head into the crook of his neck. Slowly, his arms wrapped around her back and held her tight and they stayed like that for the rest of the night, both already knowing that their future wouldn't be as warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 美女桜 (Bijozakura). Also called the Verbena, and they are symbolically used to represent healing, creativity, and happiness. They are even used for protection against harm and evil. Verbena has a lot of different names around the world, including Holy Herb, Herb of the Cross, Devil's Bane..


	47. Himawari

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX  
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**THE WHITE NOISE OF THE BIRDS BROKE HIM FROM THE DAZE OF SLEEP.** It was a peaceful awakening, as he slowly remembered the way her hair managed to stay so perfect, even after he fisted his fingers through it every time they kissed. It filled him with her breath, and when he rolled to the side, he saw the bed was empty, except for the letter on her pillow. He immediately recognized her neat calligraphy, and the letter had a distinct aroma of her plum and amber perfume.

That same scent lingered on the pillow, as if she had only just sprayed it as a cruel reminder of her absence.

 ** _Stay safe_** the letter read.

It felt like a passive aggressive copy of the letter he left her back in the forest, so many months ago. He knew her enough to realize she was bitter, even if she never said it out loud. Despite the obvious longing to see her, he chuckled at the pettiness of it all before he crumbled it in his palm and tossed it away. No matter how many steps they took to get closer to one another, she would tear herself away and say she did it for him.

He stood up, walking into his bathroom to wash his face before glancing down to see something on the counter. He grabbed it and noticed it was Rin's amulet of protection. It felt so light in his palm, counteracting the fact that it was worth so much to her and yet she left it here with him. He knew, more than anyone, that Rin meant the world to her and that no one could ever take her place. Knowing that filled his chest with something akin to guilt, violent and terrible, as the memory of the life leaving Rin's eyes filled his mind.

He escaped the bathroom, walking out of his room to see Anomie, sitting at the marble counter divider that separated the kitchen from the living room. In her hand was a book from his shelf that he recognized as one of his many erotic novels. Next to her, the counter was filled with food, ranging from steamed rice, miso soup, grilled fish, and kobachi. She glanced up, her face clear of any indication of the meal she prepared.

He nearly forgot that she was such a talented cook, considering she always forced him to cook in the past, only to complain on his lack of talent.

"I thought you left," he commented, walking closer until he was across from her with only the divider in between them.

"You got my note?" She let out a soft chuckle. "At least it wasn't left next to you in the middle of nowhere."

"Not my greatest moment," he admitted slowly, yanking away the book from her hand. "I'd prefer you not help yourself to anything you want."

She raised a brow, her lips curved in amusement as she leaned her elbows against the marble. Her head tilted to the side, bits of bangs sweeping over her forehead as she stared into his eyes. "Come here. I want to show you how rice should taste."

She picked up her chopsticks with a smile, and he chuckled, but obeyed, walking around the divider and leaning against the counter so his hip touched the edge. He made sure to keep a healthy distance between them, but she closed it as she brought the chopsticks up to his mouth, prompting him to lower his mask. "I can feed myself." He attempted to take the utensils away from her, but she slapped his hand away with her free hand.

"Where's the fun in that?" She pulled down his mask for him and all but shoved the rice in his mouth. "See. Not dry at all."

"Nope, just salty," he commented casually, watching as her mouth dropped open. He tried to resist, but he couldn't help himself as he leaned forward and shoved some of the kobachi vegetables into her mouth.

She covered her mouth in surprise, leaning back as she glanced at him in lament. She looked to not be enjoying it when she reluctantly swallowed it down. "I hate beets," she complained, and he chuckled.

"Why make them then?" he asked, noticing the simplicity of the dish and yet each one happened to be the same things his mother would make him when he was a kid.

"They're your favorite," she answered, glancing away as she quickly attempted to busy herself with drying one of the pans that he didn't know he had. He remembered, briefly, telling her his mother would make him the best meals. He had a picture of one, stashed away in a box, of him and his father all enjoying a meal that looked so similar to this one, right down to the way she cut the carrots.

"You snooped through my stuff?" he questioned in a monotone. She scoffed, putting away the pot in a cabinet that he probably hadn't opened in a couple years.

"Back when I basically lived here," she glanced at him through her hair that shadowed her cheeks. "I got curious. Can we drop it? I'm uncomfortable."

"Everything makes you uncomfortable," he commented, glancing back towards the grilled fish that was cooked with even the same aroma that he liked. How she knew that, he'd never know.

"Shut up," she commented, and he leaned back against the counter with a lazy sigh.

"Why did you stay?" he asked, and she stood up straight. The logical thing, and far more in character, was for her to leave and perhaps whine that they had no future.

"Do you always have to bring up big topics?" she asked, and he rolled his eyes.

"Do you always have to avoid them?" he countered, and she stood up straighter, something she only did to appear taller and more in power in order to contrast that she was getting nervous.

She didn't answered, and he sighed, deciding not to let the meal go to waste as she busied herself with cleaning his apartment. Normally, he didn't like when people touched his stuff, but she wouldn't stop even if he asked. More than that, not that she needed to know it, everything that was his belonged to her.

"I tried to leave," she whispered. "You're a deep sleeper...you didn't even hear me cooking." He wasn't normally, but perhaps subconsciously, he didn't want to wake up to a world where she wasn't in his life. There was a smile in her voice as she reorganized his book shelf only a meter from where he sat. "The truth is that I didn't want to...leave that is. I just...I like the feeling of being with you is all."

When she turned around, he was leaning against the wall next to where she stood from her knelt position after she categorized his porn by kink. He pulled her to him, and she remained still for a second as his arms circled around her back. Slowly, she hugged him back, almost desperately, as if he was the only source of warmth she had. Once again, he remembered how he once said their bond was brittle, but that wasn't true.

For him at least, it was like iron cuffs, and he couldn't fight it even when he tried. However hard he tried and no matter how much he tugged and tugged all it did was nearly rip off his hands.

She knew, even now, that she didn't have what it took to make him happy. She wished she could make him hate her, but even now, she didn't dare. In this place, it was like the outside world didn't exist and they could travel back to a time when she was still 17 years old and clinging onto him for dear life. There was no going back, but that was the beautiful thing about time. Sometimes, if you were patient and you waited enough, there was those special moments in the future.

"I missed you," she mumbled it into his chest, careful so he wouldn't hear her and he wouldn't look down to see her face was red as if she had just exited the desert.

He pulled away, his brows furrowed. "I feel like I missed something important." She covered her face so he wouldn't see that she was so red. She could practically feel the palpitation of her heart, and for so long, she had been certain she could never feel that. Not because she didn't want to, but because she had thought the wires connected to those feelings were severed beyond repair. And honestly, most days that was true, but there were moments like now where she could feel the heat and the passion and the skies of lust. He pulled down her hands and searched her eyes before pressing his lips against hers, and it was the the type of kiss she could feel to the tips of her toes.

She would hurt him over and over again in the nearby future, and he would hurt her. That was the game they played. However, the temporary truce always made the pain worth it in the end. His lips were too soft and she was lost in his embrace, as forbidden and crazy as his touch was, she melted into it. He pulled away, his lips trailed up her jaw and she heard his shaky breath in her ear as his fingers trailed into her hair.

"What are you doing in Konoha?" he asked, and as if ice washed over her, her eyes opened wide. She shoved him away, her eyes cold as she let out a sigh, and once more, the wires all severed.

"I should have just left when you were sleeping. It would have been far less complicated," she stated and he took a step forward, his gaze in a deadpan.

"Just tell me the truth, Anomie," he ordered, and her lips curled, but there was no amusement in her gaze.

"You say you want the truth," she met his gaze and grabbed his wrist, bringing it closer so she could press her lips against the back of hand. She cupped it in between her palms, her gaze never swaying from his. "You secretly wish for some hidden agenda that makes me a better person, so you can feel better about yourself. The truth, Kakashi, is that even if I did have a reason for my actions. Even if that reason is closer to home than you know, I'd still be one of the worst villains you have ever met."

"What do you mean closer to home?" Kakashi's brows furrowed, and she realized she made a mistake that she couldn't take back. She brushed off his question, letting go of his hand.

"I am not in Konoha to kill anybody. I am not here to hurt anybody. Those are not my intentions," she assured him and he sighed.

"Sometimes it doesn't matter what your intentions are. People get hurt everywhere you go," he reminded her. Anomie knew that. Of course she knew that. It was all she was good at doing at this point. She could tell herself, over and over, that she did the things she did for the good of Konoha and for the requests of Sarutobi and Tsukasa.

Perhaps that was why, but she knew that they weren't the only reason she killed so many to get on Orochimaru's good side. They weren't the only reason she killed so many to join the Akatsuki. They weren't the only reason. A part of her liked it. It made her feel powerful and after a lifetime of feeling weak and hopeless and always doing as she was told, she needed to feel powerful. She needed to be feared and hated because the alternative was so much worse.

Perhaps, even if Rin had lived, she still would have fallen into self destruction. She was falling even before Rin died and she was falling still. She knew that if she held on any tighter, she could make Kakashi fall with her, but she wouldn't dare. For Anomie, there was no fix. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. She had wounds that would never erase, but they made her stronger. She needed that strength to finish her mission. She had a tendency to deviate from it and do things unforgivable. It made redemption so much harder, but if such a thing were easy then evil people wouldn't exist in this world.

"Kakashi," she pulled him forward, forcing him to meet her gaze up close. "I want to destroy Orochimaru. Bit by bit. That's why I am here."

His brows furrowed, his gaze unsteady, but slowly he sighed, pulling up his mask. "You don't make any sense. Need I remind you that not long ago you were his most loyal follower."

"But was I?" she smiled, already knowing she was saying too much. "I am loyal to me."

"I know," Kakashi whispered, and for the first time, she was able to catch a glint of something in his eyes. It was very slight, but she caught it just in time to take a step back. She could recognize the edge of a tethering line that she balanced on and she nearly feared that he was moments from turning her into the authorities, or worse, Danzo.

"Danzo has been watching me closely. You should know this since you're the one who nearly got me suspended with the Daimyō business."

She glanced towards him, her face empty. "You sound upset about that. Why don't you just join me on a life of crime?" She was joking, and she knew he was too loyal a man to ever take her hand.

"I wouldn't go anywhere with a psychopath whose only lied to me about everything," he told her. He only wanted to put an end to her crimes, but he couldn't wish her dead.

"Psychopath?" Anomie raised her brows, walking over to the counter and running her fingers over marble. "I guess that's fair."

"You have to leave," he told her, and she took a step closer. "For some reason, the Third Hokage isn't very violent against you or active in your capture. Doubt you'd tell me why, but Danzo has a personal interest in your death."

"He didn't take our breakup very well," Anomie told him and Kakashi raised a brow.

"That's gross," he told her, earning a small smile in return.

"He's old as shit, but I'm sure he has a romantic side. You don't think so?"

"I don't want to think about it."

"I bet he's secretly a kink master. Although I imagine he has the labido of elderly cockroach."

"I wish you hadn't said that," Kakashi said, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. "Oh, it's in my head now. Burned into my brain."

Anomie held back a smile, balancing her cheek into her palm as her eyes ran over him over and over, burning into her memory. If he felt her stare, he didn't say anything, so she began picking apart the meal she made without glancing away from him. "Are you gonna eat or not?"

He sighed, walking forward and joining her with a seat right across from her. "Just no more sex jokes."

"With a library like yours, I would imagine you'd like them," she told him, watching as he pulled back down his mask. Her eyes ran over the freckle just below his lips, making her wonder what about his face he wanted to cover so badly.

"My mother gave it to me." His voice broke her from her stupor, causing her eyes to snap up to meet his gaze. "The mask."

She didn't say anything to reply, only taking another cherry and resting it against her lips as she waited for him to continue. "You know..." Anomie took a bite from the cherry, taking a moment to chew. "Most people ask for a puppy when they are little."

His lips quirked into a smirk, filling his plate with kobachi. He was trying not to enjoy her cooking, already knowing how much harder it would be if he grew anymore addicted to her. "Is that what you asked for?" He regretted asking the moment he opened his mouth, almost instantly remembering the gruesome history behind her mother. However, her lips didn't so much as waver from that beautiful smile, and her eyes were still narrowed in amusement.

"You got me. I was more unrealistic with my demands. I wanted a pony," she told him and his lips quirked as he tried not to chuckle at her statement.

"Why?" Kakashi asked and she finally chuckled, taking the rest of the cherry in her mouth.

"Horses are a sign of freedom," she said after a long pause that made him wonder if she was ever going to answer. She glanced up at him, taking in his sharp jawline and the rather beautiful shape of his scar that ran down his eye. To him, it was probably a sign of failure and inexperience and a friend he'd never see again. However, she thought it was a sign of strength and preservation. Sometimes, when they would sleep slide by side, she would run her fingers over it just so she could feel his strength fill her, as if he were braille. "You can go anywhere. Live off the land. And if you ever get really hungry, just eat the horse."

Kakashi chuckled, "That wasn't how I thought that story was going to end."

"Stories never end the way you would picture in real life. If I did have a horse, I would end up eating it," she told him with a slight smile. "Can you see me hunting and gathering for food?"

"I can't see you doing a lot of things," Kakashi replied, and she leaned over the counter, balancing her knees against the stool as she reached up to grab him by the back of the neck. She pulled him forward and he let her, pressing his lips against hers in so soft a way that she fell into his embrace and his lips. He didn't pull her forward, not wanting to cause her to fall. It was so short a kiss, but he couldn't help but want more. He craved more. He couldn't help it and he doubted he ever really wanted to, but that didn't mean he wouldn't stopped trying. "You should leave Konoha," he whispered this against her lips and she pulled back. He relished the feeling of her lips, but he was also quick to let them go. She leaned back and sat up straight.

"For someone who wants to tattle me out to the authorities, you are quick to tell me to escape," she told him. "If you have something to say, then say it. Ask your questions. I may just answer them."

"The Uchiha clan. Why did you kill them? More importantly, how? They were under constant watch. How did you manage to slip past all of that and take them out? Your motivations were strange as well. Orochimaru's feud with you began almost immediately after that. You had nothing to gain from it."

"Do you really want to know?" Anomie tilted her head to the side, and for a moment, it felt like a piece of the puzzle was finally about to be solved. "The food is getting cold. Eat or I'll be sad. I promise not to kiss you anymore." Her humorous tone didn't dissipate the tension.

"Don't change the subject," he told her and she slightly smirked.

She reached over the counter and grabbed a piece of fruit, popping it in her mouth as the long length of her legs became all the more visible from the slit that ran into the leg of her kimono. She leaned her entire weight onto the countertop as she glanced over towards Kakashi who was sitting across from her and waiting for her to answer his question.

He was so very patient. Anomie noticed that with a slight smile as she chewed on her cherry, twirling he stem in between her thumb and pointer finger. She was purposefully testing that patience, but one of the things she liked about him was his constant composure when she was being annoying.

"Do you hate me?" Anomie asked and his gaze flickered away, glancing anywhere but her eyes.

"Sometimes," Kakashi finally answered, and moved forward, digging his hand into the pocket of his pants and placing the talisman for protection in between them. "But this tells me that the you that I used to know isn't gone completely."

Anomie's eyes traced the words but they gave nothing away. She left it for him to keep safe, mostly because she couldn't keep anything safe anymore. Everything was fleeting in her life and soon enough she would tarnish that too. "Hold onto it for me."

"Why did you kill the Uchiha?" Kakashi's question brought them back down to reality, and she quickly answered.

"I wanted to join the Akatsuki. My name wasn't big enough. After that, everyone knew it." It wasn't a lie. Anomie said it with complete honesty.

She saw a bit of regret in his eyes when she answered, and for a moment she wondered if he regretted asking. "That's what I thought."

"I told you. My loyalty is to me," she whispered, tilting her head to the side. _Then again, he still hasn't asked the right questions, such as, why I joined. If he asked, I might tell him._

"I'll let you leave right now, if you answer one question," he changed the subject with grace, and she smiled.

"What's the question?"

"What are you doing in Konoha?"

"Oh, speaking of Orochimaru being a cunt," Anomie began, but Kakashi's deadpan worsened.

"Pretty sure that wasn't what I said."

"I just sold out one of his bases," she fiddled with one of the pins in her hair, but logic told him that it was a blade that had probably seen more blood than he has with his own eyes. "I'm just waiting for it to be deployed so I can follow and offer assistance. I'm doing a community service."

"That depends on your idea of assistance," he said in a blunt tone of voice.

"You sound mad," she said.

"How many dead bodies will you walk over to reach the end?"

"Tell you what, I'll cut you a promise." She leaned over the counter, holding his gaze. "No more killing anyone from the Leaf. See, I'm bending over backwards to make you happy. I'm like a hero and the victim."

"You've never been either of those," he retorted.

Anomie glanced down, "Then take me into custody. I dare you."

"As fond as I am of being dared like a five year old," he said, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I can't."

"Why?"

"It's not entirely personal this time," he answered, and she glanced towards him. "I don't think you're quite the villain that you've made yourself out to be."

She opened and closed her lips a couple times before they spread out into a frown. "What makes you say that?"

"A gut feeling."

The tension was palpable and uncomfortable. If she could choose, she would want to spend a couple more minutes in his bed, talking to him about everything she could, from his new students to the missions of his past. She placed the blade on her thigh into her hair, wrapping the bun around it like a sushi roll. At the end was a jewel, and anyone looking at it would be none the wiser.

"Why were you holding a knife?" Kakashi asked, and she glanced at him.

"I was getting ready for a fight," she told him, and the tension was palpable until he let out a chuckle, resting his face into his palm. She leaned closer, tilting his chin against her pointer finger. "I promise. No more."

"Your promises don't mean much to me," he told her, and she pressed her forehead against his.

She opened her mouth to say something, but was at loss at words that fit the situation at hand. Instead, she ran her palm over his face, and pressed her lips against his. "Good. It's safer if you remain weary. I will be seeing, Kakashi."

She gave one last smile, and her body disappeared into smoke. Kakashi hated himself for letting her leave. However, something to him that there was so much more to the story that meets the eye. Anomie was a killer and a psychopath, but he couldn't think of many times in the past where anything she did wasn't an order of some kind. Even in Anbu, she followed every order without question, even the most worthy of questioning.

Now he just had to figure whose orders she was following. And if her intentions ended up being insidious, he would kill his own heart and her, together. That was what a Shinobi did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 向日葵 (Himawari) which is a sunflower meaning: Respect, passionate love, radiance


	48. Dējī

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN  
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–•–

**SHE HAD BEEN TOLD MANY TIMES IN THE PAST THAT SHE HAD A FACE THAT WAS** beautiful, but that it was a shame her personality was so lacking.

"Holy shit," stated the vibrant voice from behind her. Anomie, always one for nimble and fast reflexes, quickly took out one of the katanas from the seal on the palm of her hand and swung it behind her with timely grace. It was met with a cling of steel, a bit too loud considering she was trying to be incognito. The man's eyes were a vibrant silver, a trademark of the Izana clan, and his lips were curled into a calm smile. "You are just gorgeous."

"That's a bit weird a comment for someone attacking me from behind," Anomie told him, pushing him back and jumping forward so her next blow was much harder. He blocked it by grabbing onto her wrist and pulling her body forward so every inch rubbed against his.

"If you saw yourself you'd understand," he told her and she raised her brow. The wind blew her hair forward until strands cupped her cheeks and his.

"You're giving me a rather rape-y vibe. You know that right?" Anomie attempted to move back but his grip was like iron. She tilted her head to the side as he pulled her closer. 

"It's not rape if I make you beg," he said with a grin. "Afterwards, of course, I'll kill you. But let's just focus on the now."

"Wow," Anomie leaned in closer, running her free hand up his arm and resting it at his hand. "How about I give you a counteroffer." Her voice lowered to one rather husky, leaning forward so her lips rested against his ear. "Lets just chop off the pine needle in between your legs and fuck you with it where dicks shouldn't go. How does that sound, love?"

He let out a booming laugh, digging her own blade into her throat. "The foreplay is always my favorite part."

She turned into smoke and slipped past him. "Do we have to fight now? I'm a little busy. Can't I just kill you another time?"

"No. It's a competition for your head. So much money. So little time."

"I can respect that," she said and he laughed, moving his hands for a quick Jutsu. It was a fire type, and blast of fire rushed towards her. She unleashed the small bird of the Ho'ou and in one flap of its wing, it absorbed the flames before perching on her head.

"Well, that's just annoying. What summoning is that?" The Izana man took an annoyed step forward, and she lifted her hand and the Ho'ou jumped on her finger. The heat of its body seared into her skin, but it left no mark as if she were made of steel.

Anomie didn't answer as it flapped its wings one more time and the same fire Jutsu he used shot back at him, only it was concentrated and controlled and when he dodged, it disappeared.

"You're being so careful. You that afraid of Anbu?" He asked, and Anomie sneered.

"I'm not afraid," her fire clone that he was staring at disappeared and a blade shot through his back, peeking out through his chest as she appeared behind him in all her bitterness. "I'm just busy."

She left his body on the roof, easy prey for crows before she disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Ironically, she promised not to harm anyone else from Konoha and couldn't seem to go a full hour before she broke that promise. However, _what Kakashi didn't know was unlikely to hurt him._

A feather of the Ho'ou, beautiful and red landed on the man's steady and still chest. Beautiful cinders of red erupted and the body caught flame until all that was left was the black imprint left behind.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie wanted to kill them all, and go straight for Danzo's head. She didn't though. She kept to her path and her choices, even if her blood screamed in different directions. Blood or vengeance couldn't sway her, and if she was so affected by the little things, then she wouldn't have left Kakashi's arms so long ago. There were a lot of things that she wouldn't have done, but they were all fading along with her conscious and what made her into a weapon rather than a woman.

She could try to knock the ice from her bones or ignore the cold, but by now her bones were frozen solid. There were moments, small and fleeting, where she felt it all melt and she was able to feel again. However, without fail, she always managed to freeze right back up. So when she saw the young age of the team assigned to such a dangerous mission, she didn't feel much of anything. Itachi and Tsukasa and even Anko were there, so Anomie doubted any of the three kids were going to die.

Kisame was already at Orochimaru's base, likely waiting for her signal, so all Anomie cared about was making sure getting Konoha involved wasn't in vain. Especially since it was very annoying, and the assassins from the Uchiha clan, likely organized by the Izana clan, were getting more frequent.

Anomie thought that most of the time it was humorous, but the Izana clan was clever and they were also known to never let a bounty get away. Eventually, she knew it would get much more difficult to evade them. However, that was a future problem that Anomie didn't have time to dwell on.

Tsukasa and Itachi left the group of Genin for a moment, escaping into the trees. Before long, the Sharingan of Itachi's eyes connected on Anomie's lazily resting figure on one of the high branches.

"I'm not exactly hiding," Anomie admitted, leaning back so she fell backwards and allowed her legs to lock around the thick branch. She hung backwards, watching as Tsukasa took a step closer. "Why bring Genin? Seems reckless and that's coming from me."

Tsukasa's head tilted to the side, and her one eye seemed very expressive when she took another step forward. "We're bait...aren't we?" Tsukasa's question was met with an innocent expression in return, as if Anomie was appalled by the insinuation.

Anomie flipped off the branch, landing on her toes as she twirled a finger through her hair. "I just want Orochimaru dead or at least wounded."

"You don't have to lie to us," Itachi reminded her, tilting his head to the side.

"Sure I do," Anomie told him, shaking her head with a steady smile. "You would betray me the first chance you got if it meant protecting those kids or taking down Orochimaru."

"There's such a thing as multitasking," Itachi said, and Anomie shrugged.

"Success or failure, Itachi. There's no maybes or possibilities in a good plan of action. You kill everyone in your way to reach your goal. I taught you that, didn't I?"

"You taught me a lot of brutal things, Anomie. I stopped listening," Itachi said after a moment of silence. Almost immediately, Anomie let out a soft bout of laughter.

"Savage. I admit, my methods are built on the easier way out," Anomie tapped her pointer finger against her bottom lip. "I would rather a method bloody than a method where I could die."

"And you wonder why so many people want you dead," Tsukasa said with a sigh.

"Give my love to your families, conspiring my untimely death even after my charity," Anomie gave them a mock curtsey, smiling all the while as she turned to walk away.

"Ah," Tsukasa made a sound as if she had forgotten that her clan was the one who were organizing Anomie's death. "Tell you what, I'll make a deal."

Anomie turned her head, catching Tsukasa's eye. "You don't have anything I want."

"I'll have Asa Izana call off the hit if you promise me the information of Orochimaru's remaining bases," Tsukasa took a step forward. "I know you haven't been completely forward. Give them up. After this, you hold no leverage anyway, Orochimaru will figure it out and move out of them to hide from you."

Anomie blinked, not having thought of that. "I can handle the Izana clan."

"You think so?" Tsukasa snorted. "They've sent few assassins, but that's just them sending a message to be funny. Once they get started, really started, I don't think you'll live through it. You aren't as powerful as you think you are."

Anomie's eyes narrowed, "Not yet. But I will be soon."

"Soon," Tsukasa mulled over this for a moment of silence, but before long, she shook her head. "But not now. That doesn't help you now."

Anomie's brow twitched, but her calm smile didn't depart and slowly she held out her wrist and tapped a seal that was held intimately against her veins. Her Chakra was potent and slowly a eye with the unmistakable Sharingan became visible. "Perhaps I can just replace my own eye with this." Her cruel gaze snapped to Itachi, whose eyes had frozen on the sight. "Then, just maybe, you can always have your father's watchful eye, looking out for you from the gaze, Itachi."

Itachi didn't react, but Tsukasa stepped in front of him to block the sight. "You kept them?"

Anomie looked appalled, "not all of them. Do you have any idea how hard preserving flesh is? I realize that I make Fūinjutsu look effortless, but I've dealt with many sleepless nights and broken tendons in my attempts to perfect it."

"Hand it over," Tsukasa stated, taking a step forward. This caused Anomie to chuckle, using her other hand to hover her fingers over the seal on her wrist. She performed a couple symbols with her fingers, dancing her Chakra in intricate loops with motions that looked complicated and hard to follow. In moments the eye disappeared into the seal.

"After all the work I did, don't I deserve a reward?" Anomie said with a quick smile as she took a step back. Underneath all the bravado, Anomie did feel a twinge of nervous jitters when she mocked them and taunted them so cruelly. Fighting was not something she needed, and something told her that fighting against them was a battle that Anomie couldn't win. Tsukasa was strong, but Itachi was another level of power that frustrated Anomie to no end.

Even back in Anbu, she watched the kid rise above at record speed, proving that things were just so much simpler when one is born with the right genetics and prodigy like strength. It didn't matter how she sold her body and her life, there would always be someone stronger and she couldn't stand it.

"Anomie, I think you've been wrapped up I playing the villain so long that it has consumed you," Itachi told her and Anomie paused, something in his words had managed to strike and severe a nerve. She could feel the severed piece with absolute clarity and it burned to touch it.

"A villain?" Anomie scoffed, glancing towards Tsukasa. "The world isn't so black and white, babes. If it was, you would have joined your psycho family on their mission to completely dominate the underworld," her eyes snapped over to Itachi. "And you would have murdered all of yours, including your whiny little brother. You're welcome. Now, let's take down this snake. Prove yourself useful and I'll consider sharing more of what I know."

"Koneko," Tsukasa's voice stopped Anomie from walking away, if only for a moment. "If a single one of my students die because of you and your indecisive allegiances, I will be the Izana who kills you."

"You gonna let your girlfriend talk to your former captain like that, Itachi?" Anomie's cold gaze moved to Itachi without a second thought.

"You used to be so passionate about helping Konoha, I can never tell when you will change your mind," Itachi was awfully disappointed, and somehow that slightly stung. Anomie didn't let that show when she gave a wry smile in return.

"See you on the other side, give my love to Anko. I hear Orochimaru threw her away like trash and nabbed me instead. Hopefully there's no hard feelings," Anomie gave them a sly smile before the fire clone went up in flames. It was an intricate switch that made both Leaf shinobi annoyed that they didn't catch onto the fact they had been speaking to a clone for the majority of the time. Likely, while they were distracted by the Uchiha eye, she had performed a switch as a safety precaution.

Itachi couldn't imagine someone like her being able to live properly whilst trusting no one. Perhaps, he too would have been in her predicament if she wasn't there to lend a helping hand. However, he doubted he would be quite the same level of bitch that she masterly crafted herself.

Anomie's presence was cloaked from there on out, and that made Tsukasa slightly nervous since despite the times of truce, the girl was still very unpredictable and had a tendency to destroy everything she touched.

That being said, the Anomie made it to the base half an hour earlier than Tsukasa's group considering she didn't have a group of whiny tweens begging for a break every twenty minutes. The pink haired one didn't complain as much, but she still had a voice that grated on Anomie's ears as if she had just shoved her head into a blender.

Anomie weaved her Chakra into the air as an initial scout as she glanced around the parameter. She already had a suitable guess where Itachi would plan to infiltrate, and she doubted he would appreciate the fact that his tactics were rather predictable considering she helped hone them.

She possessed the five stationed patrol team and had them scout the area she believed Tsukasa or Itachi would emerge from. The multiple possession of her Kekkei Genkai was not an easy feat, so the moment she spotted Tsukasa, and allowed her possessed subjects free to see her for themselves, Anomie escaped and regrouped into one form.

She doubted Tsukasa would allow her students or herself to come into fatal harm, so Anomie didn't feel particularly guilty. That in mind, Anomie watched the explosion successfully bring chaos throughout the base, giving both Anomie and likely Kisame a way in, undetected.

Anomie slightly paused as she remained surrounded by the dimly lit entrance that she had created for herself back before she realized what an idiot she was for ever following Orochimaru. Many would be dead if she had made a different decision, but perhaps she might have been happy.

_Unlikely._ Anomie was a greedy and cruel girl with a taste for blood. She tried to fight it, but it was difficult to constantly battle her own nature.

She ran her hand over the tunnels of the caves, lifting right hand and performing a quick Jutsu, placing her thumb against the summoning scroll from her pouch. A beautiful bird with red wings and bits of fire shooting off between individual feathers. She placed her hand out, and slowly it flapped its wings and floated down until it perched on her finger.

"Hello precious," Anomie greeted as bits of flares heated her skin, but she was coated in their same Chakra in a layer too thick for it to burn. "Do me a favor," she whispered and the bird tilted its head but didn't fight her when she launched him into the air and it flapped its wings and disappeared down the long and narrow hallway. She waited for him to scout out the tunnels, since his life was expendable and hers was not.

Of course, she'd never tell that to her summons, and she'd protect them when she could, but if became a question of them or her, she'd sacrifice them all in a heartbeat.

The Ho'ou, Kokoa, came back to her hand. He was her go to summons due to his agility and strength in flame. Also, most of the others didn't really care for her and wouldn't come out when she called. No one had ever told her how picky a summons were, and the giant Ho'ou, much taller than her, thought she hadn't earned their power so only Kokoa, the runt of them all, would ever come to fight at her side.

"Give me the best path to follow," Anomie said and she glanced down to see the trail of burnt ground. She stroked Kokoa's feather and he disappeared from her fingers.

She followed the trail, using a small amount of Chakra to create light in the dimly lit area. She could just barely hear the sound of fighting in the distance, but she ignored it all as she navigated the path. She used her Chakra to scout out the area, but instead, she felt someone running towards her. She could recognize Kabuto's familiar chi from a mile away, and she had more than enough time to escape, but she held her ground.

The fastest way to Orochimaru was through Kabuto. She'd take it.

"Here I thought to find the Akatsuki, but instead I just found a dead girl playing ninja," Kabuto's voice was harsh, proving once again of his animosity towards her.

"I'm sorry, but this is coming from a subordinate who lacks potential so greatly that Orochimaru would rather take the body of a 6 year old than said subordinate," Anomie gave a sweet smile and a sizzling sound with her tongue.

Kabuto has a twinge of rage flash through his eyes, which was something that only Anomie could really get out of the surprisingly angry 13 year old boy. "I'll kill you this time around."

"How threatening," Anomie said in a deadpan. She didn't deny that Kabuto was powerful, but he was still a couple years from being stronger than her, and by then she would be stronger as well.

She felt Kabuto begin to gather Chakra into his hands and she almost immediately laughed.

"I take it you're not going to be at all forth coming about the snake's whereabouts, are you?" Anomie asked before raising her voice slightly. "I can imagine that Orochimaru has never shit a day in his life with how far up your lips are wedged up his asshole."

Kabuto looked visibly offended and just as he went to strike her down, Anomie's gaze wandered a bit behind him where she felt the Chakra of two children. She wondered what luck she must have to already have the students of Tsukasa already in her way. She promised Kakashi to not hurt a single Leaf ninja, and she wasn't breaking said promise. However, she never said she would go out of her way to help the Leaf either.

"Seems like some of the test tube babies have gotten free with all this commotion," Anomie said and she watched as the Chakra in Kabuto's hands grow as sharp as blades.

"No doubt thanks to your information. I doubt it's a coincidence that Konoha Shinobi showed up just as you arrived. I'm shocked at how quickly you lie and manipulate."

Anomie raised her brow, taking a small step back. "Really? Now in what way does that seem out of character for me?" Anomie asked, and she saw Kabuto ready to lunge towards her but her words were much quicker and far more prepared. "Boy and girl, about 6 years old. They look like Orochimaru's normal subjects. Tell me I'm wrong." Anomie's voice lowered into a whisper. "Oh the boy looks familiar. It's hard to tell, they grow so fast, but how valuable is a boy who can transform the chemical construction of his own molecules?"

Kabuto's face was obviously conflicted before he sneered at her and went after the escaping test subject. "I'll kill you another time, Anomie."

Anomie felt a twinge of guilt, briefly wondering if she sent those kids to die. She turned to walk away, her heels echoing against the ground. She only walked a couple seconds before she looked up at he ceiling and cursed. She forced it down and continued down the familiar path that she had walked dozens of times before. Orochimaru, as he always was, overestimated just how much he meant to her. He likely didn't change his familiar routine just as he hadn't done away with this base.

Just as she figured, she caught sight of him waited for her in the middle of the lab. He was packing a couple items casually, in no rush. She ran her finger against the glass tubes, and he glanced at her. She took notice that Itachi had arrived there not long after her.

"Going straight for Orochimaru, how predictable," Itachi told her, his Sharingan already activated. She let out a sigh, watching as Orochimaru still regarded them both with casual disdain.

"Which one of you am I going to have to fight?" Orochimaru's raspy voice filled the tension. "I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"Itachi, leave this to me," Anomie said, not taking her eyes off of her pale old mentor.

"Can't do that. You'll let him go. If it were his life you were after, you would not have needed a distraction quite like this one," Itachi said, and Anomie's lips twitched into a frown as Orochimaru regarded the two with a raised brow.

"Your students are in danger."

Itachi looked rather annoyed, "what did you do?"

"Why do you assume I had something to do with it?" Anomie's retort was met with silence and she nodded. "Fair point. They're in the east side of the base, near the main entrance." Itachi looked towards Orochimaru's amused expression with a moment of silence before he disappeared.

"If you wanted this alone time so badly, you could have just asked. I would have organized a meet up," Orochimaru informed her.

"What can I say? I am a complicated girl. I wanted to work for it," Anomie activated the seal on her neck, and Orochimaru watched with amusement as it covered her body in black markings.

"You've gotten good at that," Orochimaru praised her, but his eyes were absent from any warmth. Anomie doubted he ever truly felt such a thing for anyone. His blood ran cold and his eyes were empty, she, more than anyone, knew that all he cared about was immortality and discovery. It didn't matter who suffered or who died in the process.

Anomie had doubts that he was ever human, and that was what led Anomie down the path she had gone. She chose him as a mentor, and he poisoned her and appealed to a side of her that was just like him. That was her own fault.

"This is nice. Is it important?" Anomie glanced towards a vial of green liquid and watched as his eyes narrowed on her hand as she casually knocked it on the ground. It shattered and the green spread out into a puddle below her feet. "Oops. Clumsy me."

"I'll make more," Orochimaru said, taking a step forward.

"Yes. One can only hope that none of this is irreplaceable. I'd hate for your _research_ to go," her Chakra filtered into the air, drawing on the Ho'ou that still remained perched on her shoulder. In moments, all the stacks of paper and vials of liquid caught fire. "Up in flames."

She admired how composed Orochimaru managed to make his face, considering she could read him well enough to know that he was livid. Her eyes scanned the Akatsuki ring on his finger and she smiled. She briefly wondered if she could actually kill him, but she knew the likelihood of such a thing was abysmal at best. He was much older than her, much more experience and knowledgable of Jutsu she couldn't even begin to comprehend. One such example was the reanimation Jutsu that she was unable to master, despite watching him do it over and over again.

"Sorry," Anomie's voice was a husky whisper, glancing around at the fire before she snapped her fingers and the flames went out. "I just can't control how _hot_ I get sometimes. I'll work on it, sensei."

Orochimaru chuckled, but his eyes were cold. "After I am through with you, you'll have no more body heat left."

She barely managed to dash out of the way from his well timed Jutsu that caused his long tongue that she had always thought reminded her of a snake, to actually turn into a snake. She watched it lodge itself in the fire clone she left behind. Said clone grabbed onto the snake and went up in flames, and the snake flared up like paper before Orochimaru cut it out from his mouth.

"Kinky. Do you use that Jutsu in the bedroom?" Anomie made a snake sound with her tongue, letting out a humorous laugh. She raised her hands and tossed shuriken in the air before she quickly performed a well timed fire Jutsu, causing the shuriken to light on fire and flare at him like a bolt of lightning. However, he did something she hadn't expected and could never have expected.

"Summoning Jutsu: Reanimation," Orochimaru was always quick with his hands, and a coffin raised from the ground causing the shuriken to burn off the lid.

Anomie didn't know who she was expecting to be standing in front of her, but of all people, she never suspected Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daisies originated from North and central Europe and have fast become a favourite in the UK. Whilst there are many types of daisies available around the world, they each have one thing in common – they symbolise that of a new beginning. In general the daisy means purity, innocence and loyal love.
> 
> They are ideal for that of a new beginning, especially if the new beginning involves that of a new baby being born. They evoke happiness, joy and prosperity.
> 
> The language of the flower is important when using them to send a message to a friend or loved one and therefore it is important to do some research into their meaning. The New Year is approaching – send your loved ones a beautiful gift of yellow flowers to wish them good luck in their new beginnings.


	49. Kiiroibara

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT  
____________  
–•–

**IT WAS MID SUMMER.**

_I could never forget because of the heat, as if my calves were swelling with every move._

It was mid summer when Rin awoke with a bleeding heart, daring the pain to depart as she remembered the many times her mother would awaken her to the smell of food. It was always something new, and Rin had no way of knowing just how thankful she should have been until those normal meals were gone forever. When Anomie was nowhere to be seen, Rin was alone with her lonely thoughts.

The war continued without any signs of ending, and Rin missed everything that it took away from her. She missed just hanging out with her friends and talking about how exciting it was going to be when they became ninja. This was long before Asuma had taken up smoking, long before his mother had been murdered, long before the pressure of being the Hokage's son had taken him. This was long before Kurenai was forced to give every last dime she made on missions just to raise three brothers as if she were both their mother and father after her own parents were slaughtered on the front lines. This was before Kakashi's father committed suicide for reasons that Rin never heard.

The morning was hot enough to melt a block of ice in seconds, but Rin began to shiver as she pressed her head in between her knees. Her mother hadn't been home for so long, and yet Rin didn't feel this lonely since she held onto the hope that she would return. Tears soaked through her loose cotton pants, but she barely realized that she was crying.

"Would you feel better if I dragged Kakashi here by his ear?" Anomie's voice broke through the tension and Rin looked up to see the girl holding an wooden tray filled with food. The smell of fried tofu filtered through the air. Anomie set it down on the bed, her hair pulled over her shoulder and it dipped down when she leaned. Rin couldn't help but feel a bit plain and sloppy around the girl and she subconsciously began to notice her own ragged appearance.

"What's that?" Rin asked, attempting to hide the tears from before as she used the back of her hand to wipe them away. Anomie slightly smiled, sitting down, her sun dress creasing as the coral tint of her lips glistened when they quirked up.

"Breakfast," Anomie reminded her, gesturing to the steaming bowl of white rice that rested next to the bowl of fried tofu and wakame miso soup. Next to that was another plate of chicken fried with curry spices and a bowl of mustard spinach, egg, daikon mixed with soy sauce and vinegar.

The meal was very similar to the one that her mother woke her up with on her birthday only a year prior. "You didn't come home last night."

Anomie's wry smile disappeared and her expression became rather difficult for Rin to decipher. This made the girl sad, since Anomie often looked troubled, and it hurt that Rin wasn't trusted enough to know why. However, the white haired girl was always private about everything, so Rin promised not to push.

"I know," Anomie said, her smile coming back as she grabbed her chop sticks, taking a scoop of rice and holding it up to Rin's face. "Open up."

Rin frowned, "I don't need to be fed like a child."

Anomie raised a brow before her lips quirked into an amused smirk. "Ah? My apologies. Will you open your mouth if I make train noises?"

A small smile escaped Rin's hardened expression, and it was proving to become something only Anomie could get. Rin slowly opened her mouth and Anomie shoved the chopsticks inside with a smile. Rin quickly grabbed them before Anomie could continue feeding her and damaging Rin's already wounded pride.

"You know, if you asked," Anomie told her, leaning forward as Rin took ahold of the spoon and dipped it into the miso soup. The taste was perhaps better than her mother's and Rin felt another twinge of jealousy. "I really will drag Kakashi here by the ear."

Rin met Anomie's very earnest gaze and slowly smiled. "That would be a sight," Rin agreed and Anomie grabbed a piece of the fried chicken and slowly took a bite.

"You didn't say no," Anomie reminded her, smiling. Rin continued chewing, meeting Anomie's earnest gaze once more and wondered what kind of sight it would be to see Kakashi dragged kicking and screaming.

"I am not sure that will do much in my favor," Rin informed her, causing Anomie to giggle and lean forward. Rin's eyes widened as her personal bubble was so quickly shattered when Anomie neared her face as if she were about to whisper a secret that only they could hear.

"It's not about immediate results, Rin. It is about gaining chances," Anomie said, her breath dancing over Rin's lips. The smile was rather flirty, causing Rin's cheeks to slightly enflame. "Take any chance you can get, seize them. It's all about the game. Flirty comments, sneaking glances, all that."

"Well, I spend a lot of time with him anyway," Rin countered, causing Anomie to scoff, leaning back and stealing a piece of fried chicken. "And I'm not very good with that kind of thing." Rin's face was slightly red as she avoided Anomie's gaze.

"Yeah, that doesn't count. Obito is a major factor for that," Anomie said mid chew, using her hand to cover her mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"Okay," Anomie scoffed, glancing away before gripping Rin's cheek and pulling as if she were going to tear off her skin. Rin made a pained sound, but Anomie was already beginning to lighten the horrible sadness that had befallen upon her heart that very morning. "Pretending you don't know won't make his crush on you go away."

"You're being mean," Rin stuttered out, as it was difficult to speak when half of her face was being pulled in a different direction.

Anomie let go, her brow raising once more and Rin glanced over the girl's face. Perhaps if she looked more like Anomie, Kakashi might look in her direction a bit more. _Then again, it wasn't like he took notice to Anomie too much when the girl was there._

Rin did sometimes catch Kakashi glancing that girl's direction when he thought no one was looking and Anomie would show up to watch them train or read while they trained. It wasn't too intensely, but it still set Rin's nerves on fire. Sometimes she would even think ugly and jealous thoughts when she looked in the mirror. Still, it wasn't Anomie's fault that she had the most beautiful face Rin had ever seen.

"How about you ask Kakashi for a sparing session? Just you two," Anomie suggested, causing Rin to feel slightly guilty for being so jealous when all the white haired girl tried to do was help. They were intrusive thoughts that Rin didn't want to have, but couldn't help but think.

"He'd kick my ass," Rin commented with a bright blush as she shoved a spoon full of miso soup into her mouth as she glanced away.

"You know that training isn't the real endgame. Imagine. You two, alone, slightly sweaty, breathing hard. At the end, exhausted, his guard is dropped. You may know battle, but I know boys. Make your move," Anomie said, leaning in closer, her voice husky and causing Rin's cheeks to enflame once more. "Besides, you're stronger than you think," Anomie told her, and Rin shoved more soup into her mouth.

"I'm not. I can't do anything," Rin told her, and the truth struck her senseless until she could barely breathe. She wanted to make her mother proud, her mother who was so strong and brave. Now, she would forever be memorialized in her mother's last moments as a child who didn't amount to anything.

Anomie's brows furrowed and slowly the girl cupped Rin's face in between her palms, forcing her to make eye contact. "You really don't see it?"

Rin blinked, her skin growing hot from underneath Anomie's touch. Even her heart had sped up without reprieve. "S-see what?"

Anomie smiled, her coral shaded lips quirking as she pressed her forehead against Rin's, letting go of the girl's face in the process. "That day...do you remember it?"

"There are a lot of days," Rin commented, and heard Anomie's sweet laugh. By now, Rin's heart was beating out of her ear drums and she could barely hear a word that Anomie was saying.

"That day for me was the worst. I lost everyone and everything I ever had. I lost the only home I had ever known. I fought so hard to stay alive until even that will had left me. When I laid down on that filthy ground near your camp, I was ready to die. No, I wanted to die."

Rin had never heard Anomie speak of this, and now that she thought about it, she never really heard Anomie speak of much concerning her feelings or things that she was going through. Perhaps that was why Rin always felt so alone, because the friend she had grown to care for like family wouldn't let her close or rely on her like Rin relied on Anomie. After all, it was Anomie who paid for everything and Anomie who made every meal and Anomie who sang her to sleep when Rin was feeling alone or sad. However, sometimes there was this unimaginable sadness in this girl's eyes that Rin couldn't touch no matter how hard she tried.

"I wanted everything to end," Anomie continued, meeting Rin's gaze, and once more Rin felt her heart begin to beat out of her chest as if the vibrations were gushing out her ears. "Then I saw your face. You were so desperate and..." Anomie paused, her lips quirking. "It wasn't like any expression I had ever seen. Pure generosity. It bled from you and I saw it and I felt it. I wanted to die. You didn't just heal my body Rin." Anomie leaned forward again, her gaze pouring into Rin's with clear certainty. "You don't realize the effect you have on people, do you?"

"You're speaking like I did something amazing," Rin glanced away from the intensity of Anomie's eyes with a hint of embarrassment. She glanced down at her hand, resting so close to Anomie's and slowly she pressed her palm on top of hers, feeling the coldness of that girl's skin. Anomie froze for a moment but slowly smiled again.

"You have an aura that allows people to feel at ease and a talent for medical Jutsu that I have never seen. I can't convince you how proud your mother was of you, you have to see it yourself," Anomie leaned close, her lips quirked and her eyes slanted into crescents. "After all, I was proud of you before I even met you."

Rin's gaze snapped up, her eyes wide and her lips trembling and her nose burning with the desire to cry. "You say some embarrassing things sometimes."

"I have a way with words," Anomie told her, and Rin found her skin growing slightly hot once more.

"What did you put into this chicken?" Rin stuttered out and Anomie's head tilted at the change in topic. "It's too spicy. My tongue is dry and my face is hot. I don't like spicy food, An-chan."

Anomie glanced at the chicken with an innocent blink. "I can't taste spices very well. Is it really that hot?" Anomie took another bite of the chicken, her long lashes fanning her cheeks when she blinked.

"Shut up. My tolerance isn't so great," Rin commented and Anomie glanced her way, her light pink amber eyes seemed a bit too bright.

"Are you sure you're a ninja?"

"What?"

"I'm just saying, I thought ninja were supposed to be tough."

"What? I am plenty tough," Rin told her and watched as Anomie gave her a skeptical glance as she grabbed the tray of food and set it down on the nightstand.

"I don't know, you're not exactly proving your point, are you?" Anomie told her and Rin's lips flapped open and closed.

"You were just telling me how great I was," Rin commented with a slight stutter and Anomie scoffed.

"I was talking about your Iryo Ninjutsu and character. Other than that, perhaps more training?" Anomie mocked and Rin grabbed a pillow, slamming it into the girl's side. It ended up being a bit too hard and it knocked the girl off the bed, however, Anomie quickly grabbed Rin's and they went tumbling to the ground. Rin fell into Anomie's collar bone.

Rin glanced up and saw Anomie glancing down at her through long lashes. Slowly the two girls began to laugh.

"You are so violent," Anomie commented and Rin attempted to get up but Anomie knocked her down flipping them both over so Rin was trapped underneath. Anomie's long white hair surrounded them and Rin began to wonder how this girl was blessed with hair so thick and beautiful.

"What are you doing?" Rin asked and Anomie's lips curled.

"Are you feeling better?" Anomie asked, her voice serious and her eyes gentle.

Rin felt her eyes begin to water. "Yeah. I am. Thanks to you."

"Your mother would be proud of you and the wonderful women you are sure to become," Anomie told her and Rin's lips trembled.

"She would?"

"Who wouldn't?" Anomie slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips against the girl's forehead. "Don't worry too much. I'll take care of you like you took care of me."

Rin didn't get a chance to reply as Anomie stood up began to walk out the room. Rin glanced her way, her heart pounding. "Where are you going?"

Anomie paused at the door and turned back around. "I'm gonna drag Kakashi by his ear."

"Oh god please don't," Rin staggered to her feet and almost immediately tripped over something that got caught around her ankle from underneath the bed. Anomie blinked a couple times at Rin's clumsiness but she still didn't move to help her up and instead leaned against the doorframe with a gentle smile as Rin inspected herself for damages. Slowly, she saw that the item that got caught on her leg was the strap of a camera.

"Oh? What's that?" Anomie asked, rather curiously. Rin glanced up, confused.

"Have you never seen a camera before?" Rin asked and Anomie's nose wrinkled in annoyance.

"We didn't exactly have a lot of technology in Kemuri," Anomie muttered, glancing to the side.

"It captures a moment." Rin's fingers stroked over the item in her hands with a hauntingly gentle expression. "Must of belonged to my mom."

"Do you think your mom took dirty photos?" Anomie asked causing Rin's face to redden and her eyes to narrow on the girl.

"Shut up!"

"Shut up?" Anomie slightly smiled. "Now that's rather rude. Oh my, I take it back. Your mom would not be proud of that mouth of yours." Rin went silent and it took Anomie a moment to realize that perhaps not everyone could take such a joke so soon after a death.

However she didn't get to linger on guilt too long since moments later she jumped when Rin grabbed the small knife on the tray of food, meant for cutting the bigger pieces of chicken, and tossing it Anomie's way. Anomie's eyes widened, glancing at the knife embedded in the wood next to her head before her gaze snapped back to Rin.

"That temper. Now, that needs some serious work," Anomie commented, nonchalantly grabbing the knife and dislodging it from the wood. Her fingers dusted on the hole left behind in the wood. "See, now this is how you lose your security deposit."

"You're really mean sometimes," Rin told her, standing up straight and running her fingers over the camera. She vaguely remembered her mother often taking photos with it, always so earnest and ready to capture any memory.

Anomie shrugged, tossing the knife on the bed and glancing towards the camera. "What so special about pictures?"

"I want to take some memories of everything before it could change," Rin confessed and the other girl glanced down at it, wondering if she might have enjoyed glancing back at photographs of Ohashi or her mother.

Unlikely.

"What can I do to help?" Anomie asked and Rin smiled.

"Just spend the day with me," Rin told her, and Anomie smiled.

"I was going to do that anyway," she retorted, grabbing Rin's hand. The girl gave her a rather judgmental glance, her lips set in a frown. "But first, I recommend a change in clothing unless you want the first pair of pajamas Kakashi sees of you to have a hole in the butt instead of a skimpy nighty."

Rin glanced down at her cat pajamas, seeing that they were rather worn out and ripped in certain areas. "I don't own a nighty."

"Ahh. I don't know Rin. Kakashi seems like he's more into girls with some sex appeal. You don't even own a nighty," Anomie commented, just to see Rin's face ignite in embarrassment and rage.

"How would you know what kind of girl he wants? S-se-se," Rin stuttered, unable to even utter out the word and taking no notice to Anomie's grown smile. "Anyway. He doesn't look like he would be at all interested in _that._ I'm not either."

"I doubt that very much. He's hit puberty by now. I know what's on a boy's mind. Especially the quiet, rude ones."

"You're being mean again."

"I'm only saying to buy a nighty, not to change your wardrobe," Anomie said, raising her hands on defense. "Besides, I think what your wearing is cute in a scrappy sort of way."

"Your compliments are always backhanded," Rin said with a pout.

"My monologue earlier was beautiful. I practiced that in the mirror," Anomie retorted with a wry grin.

"Is that why you were in the bathroom so long last night?"

"No. That was my beauty regimen," Anomie replied. "You think it's easy to stay this pretty? It takes work. I have been eating fish and cabbage as my main course for eight years."

"Gross."

"Hey, take a picture of me, I bet I'm very photogenic," Anomie said rushing to sit on the bed with a cute yet over the top pose, and Rin rolled her eyes at her arrogance, but she couldn't hide the smile on her lips. Slowly, Rin raised the camera to her eyes and watched Anomie smile at her through the lense. A flutter sound went off, followed by a flash of light when Rin pressed the button.

From the slit shaped crevice of the camera came a plastic photo, white on one side and black on the other. Anomie walked over with an excited smile as Rin took out the white photo. Anomie almost immediately frowned.

"It's white."

Rin began to laugh, "well it starts off white and slowly it begins to change into the image."

"How?"

"I don't know. It just does," Rin replied and Anomie smiled.

"Let's take one together next."

"Why the sudden interest?"

"Because it means a lot to you. Therefore, it means a lot to me."

Of course, the photos left behind weren't of much use to Anomie the day she left Konoha. Memories were a painful thing, dangerous in that she could turn them over again and again until she memorized ever touch and every spec. However, whenever she least expected it, she could still find a hidden edge to cut herself with. That being said, she hardly wanted physical evidence of what she lost.

The night she accepted that Rin had actually died, Anomie had attempted to lock away every memory she could. Some things were just too painful.

●

Rin looked so out of place and confused. Anomie absorbed every last detail of her face and smooth skin, molded like porcelain, into her head. Anomie took a step forward, almost afraid that the girl was going to disappear from her eyes. After all these years, Anomie had nearly forgotten what Rin looked like, but now that the girl was standing right in front of her, it was a wonder how Anomie could ever begin to forget.

Anomie took another step forward, but the moment of confusion disappeared when Rin's gaze snapped her way and she darted forward to attack. Rin performed a swift medical ninjutsu, causing her hands to appear sharp as blades. Anomie stumbled back for a moment and the Chakra scalpel pierced into her hand when she went to dodge it. If not for the quick reflexes of turning individual body parts into smoke, Anomie had a feeling the battle would have already been over.

"Please make yourself comfortable, I personally can't stay," Orochimaru chuckled and walked towards the exit, empty handed now that his research was burned to a crisp. Anomie rushed to attack him and get the ring, but had to swipe left to get out of the way from Rin's next attack. Orochimaru let out another chuckle, his cruel eyes connecting onto Anomie's.

"This wasn't going to be personal. When I see you again, it won't be a mission driving my sword through your black heart," Anomie threatened, her eyes not moving from Rin. "This is the best you can do? Rin and I happen to be friends."

"Looking forward to it, Fuyu-chan, but try to remember that you have no friends." Orochimaru walked away, and Anomie couldn't deny that she wasn't too disheartened with his act of departure since it gave her a moment with Rin.

It didn't matter that this girl in front of her was a shadow of that sweet girl she knew. It was still Rin's face. "Do you remember anything?"

Rin attacked without an ounce of recognition, and Anomie dodged, but she dared not attack back. Her hands shook every time she tried and her heart beat out of her chest with a pain that made Anomie nearly light headed.

"Rin, stop. I can't hit you. You're embarrassing me. I told him we were friends," Anomie dodged again, slamming her palm into Rin's arm, her knee into the girl's back and swiping her other hand to hold onto the possessed girl so her arms were locked behind her back. "Remember who you are."

Nothing reached her, and Rin shoved her head back so the back of her skull slammed into Anomie's nose. This forced the girl back, cupping her likely broken nose.

"Mother fucker," Anomie snapped, her nostrils dripping with blood. She wiped it away and her head turned into smoke, giving her time to realign the bones and cartilage.

Anomie dodged the rest of Rin's attacks, but the dead girl was picking up the pace and making it harder to avoid. Eventually, her Chakra scalpel slashed across Anomie's neck, creating a shallow slice that managed to make Anomie stumble back onto the ground. Rin applied Chakra into her fist and went to punch into Anomie's face, but the girl rolled out of the way and the punch left a crater into the ground.

"You're pissing me off," Anomie whispered, her fingers digging into the ground before she glanced back towards Rin. She barely had enough time to weave her Chakra into the air and cause wood to wrap around Rin like a blanket. Rin struggled against it all, while Anomie sunk to her knees in exhaustion from the sloppy wood technique, embedded with layer of her Chakra.

Rin looked like a rabid animal and this sight was more painful than the slice in Anomie's neck. She held her palm against the bleeding skin, signifying that Rin wasn't that far off from nicking an artery. Worse than that, Anomie likely still couldn't hurt her. She raised to her feet, summoning the Ho'ou, and Kokoa held out its wing and she plucked a red feather, placing it against her neck and wincing when it cooked into her flesh and cauterized the wound, leaving the feather imprinted into her skin like a tattoo.

"Thank you, darling," Anomie whispered, and the bird disappeared. Rin's struggle against the wood ended, and now she just stared, eerie and blank. "Do you remember anything?"

Rin's eyes narrowed, and slowly Anomie began to feel her hands tremble. She could feel tears threaten to pour, but such a thing would be useless to aid her. Anomie closed the distance and placed her hands against Rin's cheeks.

"Rin, don't you remember me at all," Anomie whispered, lowering her forehead onto the girl's. She felt cold at Anomie's touch, and Anomie felt her cheeks dampen as she grabbed her blade from behind her back, raising it to Rin's neck. Her hand was shaking, which wasn't something that had ever happened when she was about to kill someone.

For a moment, in the palpitation and tears, she imagined Rin as she was. Beautiful and pure and kind. She was Anomie's entire world once, and she got a glimpse of that world, so bright and peaceful, only to see it once again turn dark like everything else. Her hand shook, and she used her other to steady it. Rin's eyes were without fear as she glanced down at the blade to her neck.

Anomie gasped, dropping the katana and falling to her knees. "When you met me, I was so lost and without hope in anyone. I was selfish and tired. You were the one who brought me out and reminded me that people weren't all bad. You introduced me to everything I hold dear." Anomie glanced up at Rin with a scowl. "I'd rather you killed me than hurt you."

Anomie glanced back down into the ground, her hands still shaking.

"A-An-chan," Rin's voice brought a spark of life in Anomie's heart and the girl glanced up so fast as if she were just zapped. Anomie stood, her eyes burning as she pressed her hands onto Rin's cheeks.

For the first time, Anomie saw a twinge of recognition in Rin's wide eyed gaze and her arms flew around Rin's shoulders. She didn't want to let go, but that proved to be a mistake when she felt a blade pierce through the wood and into her stomach. Anomie moved back as if she had been burned and saw Rin's Chakra scalpel had extended out of the wood and through Anomie's skin.

Anomie's fingers dusted over the wound that had begun seeping with blood and her eyes moved back to Rin, only to see that that recognition that she saw for a brief second had disappeared without a trace. Anomie took another step back, feeling the blood loss begin to lighten her head until she was seeing stars.

She fell to her knees, nearly falling onto her back if she hadn't caught her fall. Anomie's hand shook as she attempted to close the wound. "Fuyu-chan, surely you know by now, even if this child were conscious, she would hate you." Rin's voice spoke with Orochimaru's words, and Anomie felt an upheaval of disparity at every sound. "You betray and torment and lie."

Anomie felt the curse seal on her neck overtake her body, blocking out at least a bit of the pain. "How predictable. Using others to fight your battles," Anomie stood up, holding her stomach to keep her blood from spilling over her fingers. It hurt to see him use a Jutsu that she dreamed of knowing, but it hurt more to see him taint it all by bringing back someone she dreamed of seeing.

"You flatter me," Rin's hands broke apart the wood, using a Jutsu that only Orochimaru could know. Anomie should have known better as Orochimaru enjoyed extending the effort into controlling his subjects and forcing them to forget who they were. However, his words struck a cord she would have rather stayed buried in the dust of the wounds that had only just began to heal.

As if he clawed open scabs, she felt the fear slip through without warning. With that, the blood pouring out from her stomach was beginning to make her go light headed and she knew she wouldn't last much longer before she fell back down. Worse, the wound had the potential to be fatal. Still, she couldn't just retreat and allow Orochimaru to use Rin's soul like this, regardless of how much Rin did or didn't hate her. None of that mattered, or at least, none of that should matter. Anomie couldn't linger on such feelings, and if she did, she might as well have him kill her right here and now.

She had to do something and it didn't matter if it was drastic. She quickly dodged Rin's oncoming attack, already knowing that she couldn't dare attempt to use the Ho'ou in this specific time of desperation to save herself. Her soul was already theirs and if she used them to live, then she would owe yet another large sum of years. They would take full advantage of weakness. Perhaps she could even drop like a rock tomorrow. The clock was ticking and she was losing too much blood.

She couldn't think. The curse mark had took away some of the pain, but she was beginning to stagger and Orochimaru looked about ready to kill her. Perhaps seeing Rin's face was a nice way to go, especially since she was certain that where she was going to end up was quite different from where Rin remained. The Ho'ou owned her soul and she was not certain of her fate after she finally closed her eyes to rest.

Much like everything else in the bleakness of her life, death was certain to be just as bad.

Anomie glanced down at the blood gushing in between her fingers. She didn't have long.

"How about this, Fuyu-chan," Orochimaru said, using Rin's voice. He was still the only one to ever call her that and the name grated her ears into paste. "I will spare your life if you owe me a single favor."

"Eat a dick," Anomie muttered, losing her footing and falling back. Her curse mark began to retreat as she lost the concentration to properly keep it up. By now, she had lost too much blood and too much Chakra. Rin's Chakra scalpel has in fact pierced and artery and the blood wouldn't stop. If she let go to fight or summon then she would die.

"So stubborn," Orochimaru chuckled, and it sounded too strange to hear Rin's voice turn so devious. "Take the deal. I hardly want you dead."

Anomie attempted to turn her body into smoke, in order to ease the pain and stop the blood. The Chakra required to do it was immense, but it was the only way. It gave her time. From behind her was the summoning scroll, but opening it with one hand and activating it without looking was much harder.

"Your time is ticking away. What's holding you back," Orochimaru asked and she chuckled.

"I hate you," she told him and Rin's face contorted into a snake like smirk.

"So you would rather die here?"

Anomie paused, thinking it over slightly scowling. "I'm not going to die," she told him, her lips twisting into a smirk.

"How do you figure that?" Orochimaru's sadistic chuckle made her stomach churn. Her hand was covered in blood, allowing her properly summon the Phoenix. She expected the smallest one who always came to her beck and call, but instead one appeared as large as the ceiling.

"Did I mention how much I hate you?" Anomie said with a stiff and pained smile.

"I didn't come here to watch you squabble," the giant Phoenix, slightly annoying Anomie.

"Ringo, can you not disrespect me right now? You're embarrassing me," she told the bird with a rather snarky smile.

"I don't care," Ringo told her, and it's narrowed gaze snapped towards Orochimaru.

"Is that the birds of the Undying," Orochimaru grinned. "How did you find that?"

"Go fuck yourself. That's how," Anomie retorted.

"Petty and immature," Ringo said, and Anomie felt her eyesight grow blurry. Her Chakra was still being channeled into keeping her stomach smoke and keeping Ringo in this world. She was running out and soon enough she would have nothing.

"In my own form, I would have loved to dissect you both, but I'm limited on time since I also have an obligation to move bases," Orochimaru smirked. "I give up, but I'll be seeing you later, Fuyu-Chan."

"I hate you so much," she muttered and Orochimaru grinned again.

"And here I was about to leave you a gift," Orochimaru said, and before he could elaborate, Rin's body collapsed into the ground.

"You should probably release me now before you use the last of that Chakra," Ringo said with a bored gust of his wings.

"Can you cauterize this first? If I die like this, it will be incredibly embarrassing," Anomie said, her lips chapped and pale. "I mean, think how sad the citizens of Konoha will be. I'm like a hero or something."

Anomie let out a laugh, her vision was going black.

"You won't need it. I would have liked to see you suffer for this complete waste of time," Ringo stared before he went up in flames and disappeared.

Anomie wasn't sure how long past before she felt her wounds begin to numb. She blinked open her eyes, catching a glimpse of a green hue from two blood soaked hands. "Stay awake, Anomie."

The voice was familiar, but everything sounded muffled. Her breathing was ragged and she could barely open her eyes since her lids were so heavy. She attempted to lift her arms, but they were heavy like lead. The feeling of a foreign Chakra had swept over her and by the time she managed to slightly crack open her eyes, she caught sight of those oddly familiar hands glowing a bright and skillful green.

"I'm so sorry," Rin's voice uttered out, genuine and just how she remembered it.

The pain was dull and it took Anomie a moment to realize that Rin was numbing the pain with careful and precise pressure points of Chakra into her system. "It's been a while since," Anomie broke off, already out of breath.

"Don't talk," Rin told her, and the girl's eyes were watery. "I tried to fight back. I tried. He was too strong."

"Rin," Anomie muttered out, attempting to touch the girl that she dreamed of seeing.

"I'm so sorry. I really tried."

"It's not your fault. It is mine," Anomie managed to say. "This sucks."

"I don't know how much time I have," Rin whispered, and she glanced at Anomie who was attempting to the best of her abilities to stay awake. It was difficult considering everything. "Please wake up."

Anomie forced her eyes to open, and she slowly lifted her hands so she could cup Rin's arm. "I miss you."

Rin's eyes had already begun to water. "Stay awake, but don't talk. It will only make the wound hurt more."

Rin nimbly used a couple healing Jutsu, careful to inspect the wound. "Do you have a medical kit?"

Anomie felt her vision go blurry once more, but still she forced her arms to act. She pressed her fingers against her palm where the sealing mark rested on the back of her hand. She used the blood from her wound to draw a circle and careful insert a small amount of Chakra. She could barely breath when the medical kit appeared before them. Rin didn't waste any time to disinfect and stitch the wound before she used more Chakra to help mend the skin once it was together. She then grabbed onto Anomie, forcing the girl to sit up so she could bandage the girl's stomach, careful to pull up Anomie's top a bit.

"This is all I can do for now," Rin murmured, holding onto the other girl for dear life. Anomie's arms were weak, but life was slowly channeling back into her body, giving her enough strength to grab onto the girl. "I'm so sorry."

"Do you have any idea how many times I've been stabbed?" Anomie told her, reaching toward and wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. "Don't apologize for something that means nothing."

"An-chan," Rin pulled away, and her face was exactly as Anomie remembered it. Those feelings she tried to push away began to bubble back and Anomie could barely contain it. "You are speaking as if your life had no meaning."

Anomie's furrowed brows and thunderous heart was quick disagree. "I have done some bad things, Rin."

"I don't care what you've done. An-chan, you're my friend. My sister," Rin told her. "I love you. I don't care what you've done. You have to live. Do you hear me? When we see each other again, you better be wrinkly and old okay?"

"Wrinkly and old?" Anomie's bottom lip began to quiver, her eyes beginning to burn. She dared not tell her that their souls would never meet in the afterlife. She knew where she was going, and it wasn't that bright place Rin remained.

"I don't have a lot of time," Rin whispered, reaching forward to grab Anomie by her head, pulling her close so she could rest her forehead against her. "I miss you everyday. I peak in sometimes to see how you are."

"And you still think I'm worth saving?"

"I told you, you are my family. I don't care what you've done or who," Rin said, and Anomie slightly laughed.

"Kakashi?"

Rin laughed next, but it was slightly strained and tears were seeping through her eyes. "I want you both to be happy."

"I love you," Anomie whispered as Rin slightly smiled. "I really love you."

"I know. I'm sorry. Please, just try to live," Rin's eyes were glossy and Anomie could feel the Chakra that was keeping her alive begin to fade out.

"No," Anomie pulled the girl close as Rin's body gave out and she sunk into her arms. "No. I'm not ready. Please come back." Her hands shook when she felt the coldness of Rin's cheeks, like ice to touch. "Come back."

Anomie didn't remember crying nor how long. It was the rumbling of the earth that forced her back to life and she felt a cold dread as she quickly let Rin go and jumped out of the way just as a familiar coffin emerged from the ground and swallowed up the body Rin's soul once resided. She placed her hand against her bandages, kneeling down to her knees and letting her hair cover the redness of her cheeks and the moisture dripping down into the ground.

She made a vow to herself, promising to not just kill Orochimaru, but to destroy him.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Rose (Kiiroibara, 黄色い薔薇)
> 
> Japanese meaning: jealousy
> 
> Western meaning: friendship, devotion


	50. Gurajiorasu

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE  
____________  
–•–

**WHEN ANOMIE FIRST JOINED OROCHIMARU, SHE HAD WORKED INSISTENTLY NIGHT** and day to bring his organization to the dirt. Even her enemies who slander her name with lies and _mostly truth actually_ , could never say that she was ever lazy. She always was one to give her full body into every deed, so when she joined the Akatsuki, she had taken that same work ethic towards that as well. 

"First mission I've ever failed and they treat it like the end of the world," Anomie said with a bitter smile as she glanced towards the exit of the base. She rolled her eyes, already exhausted from Konan's long scolding about the importance of the ring that Anomie failed to retrieve.

Anomie didn't particularly care either way, especially since she was mostly interested in hiding the giant bags under her eyes from the long hours of crying before she finally met up with Kisame at the front of the Akatsuki base to the west.

Her stomach wound still throbbed as it slightly opened due to excessive sobbing and her own incompetence when it came down to using healing techniques. Perhaps that was why she barely felt the hostile Chakra until it swept down on her form in the makings of a red, multibladed scythe. She turned into smoke and reformed behind Hidan who twisted his body around, dislodging his scythe from the stone bench she had been resting. His expression was rather maniac, contrasting her blank expression as she tilted her head to the side.

"Greetings in the Akatsuki are shit," Anomie commented, feeling her bandages begin to soak with blood when she dodged his next attack.

"Just looking at your face makes my blood burn. Jashin requires your death," Hidan told her and she grabbed the pole part of his scythe, pushing her hand against his chest and summoning the blade by sending a precise bolt of Chakra into the seal on her palm. A katana shot out and pierced his chest, going clean through.

"I hear you don't die," Anomie said, leaning forward and shoving him back with a kick to his legs. She positioned her knees against his arms so he was trapped while she sat on his chest. "So does that mean I can be as rough as I want?"

She gave him a sultry smile, the seals in her legs activating and causing blades to shoot out in her designated directions, skewering his body before she stabbed a smaller blade into his head. He continued to grin as she did, as if it were the most exciting thing to ever happen to him.

"We didn't come here to have petty fights, Hidan," came the voice of Kakuzu. Anomie dared not turn her head from Hidan, lest she be killed, but she was also hesitant to have Kakuzu stand behind her.

She jumped off, spinning on her heel so she could face them both. "Always know how to make a gory entrance."

Hidan let out a bark of laughter as he began to pull out the blades that pierced his body as if they were as small as splinters. "That seriously hurt. What did you coat that with? My body is slightly numb."

"Poison. It doesn't quite work on beasts though," Anomie told him with a sigh.

"I'm going to drench my scythe in your blood, not far Jashin, but for me," he told her, smirking slightly. Anomie's expression was tight, barely containing her exhaustion and pure annoyance at the constant rain of bad luck in her life. Mostly, she just wanted to be left alone.

"No offense or anything, but can you shut the fuck up?" Anomie crossed her arms over her chest, leaning on her hip as Hidan pulled out the last blade from his gut before he stood up and dropped it at her feet. "I feel bad for your god considering he has to hear you whine like a big bitch all day."

"I'm going to grill both your kidneys on a hibachi," Hidan said, taking as threatening step forward while Kakuzu let out an exasperated sigh.

"At this point, death would be a reprieve. I love a bit of violence as much as the next sociopath, but you need to seriously chill out and suck Kakuzu's dick like a good little masochistic, bottom." Anomie stayed and Hidan grinned, taking a step forward with his scythe, however that was interrupted by Tobi's happy tone of voice, sparing a bit of life back into the room.

"Let's all try to get along. The Akatsuki is a family," Tobi said, and Anomie didn't dare look away from Hidan in fear he would strike.

"Disgusting," Kakuzu muttered, sending the two killers an uninterested glance as he waited for one to inevitably kill the other.

"Jashin is begging for her blood," Hidan reminded Tobi with a smile, reminding Anomie of the many times Hidan had attempted to kill her in the past. He and Kakuzu were the prime reason that the members of the Akatsuki didn't meet up in person.

"One big happy family," Anomie agreed, watching as Tobi ran up in front of her, holding his arms out wide as if he awaited a hug. "What are are you doing?"

"Protecting you of course, senpai," Tobi said, still holding his arms out wide with his back facing her, most likely an attempt to block her but all it really did was piss her off. "Surely you two know that Pein-sama doesn't like inner Akatsuki conflict?"

"I don't give a fuck," Hidan told him, sending Anomie a wry grin. Kakuzu let out a sigh.

"Killing her isn't worth as much money as taking her in alive," Kakuzu stated, and Anomie narrowed her eyes.

"This won't do," Tobi said, wiping a tear from his eye hole more dramatically than she would have liked. "The family is breaking."

"All of you can go fuck yourselves," Anomie turned to walk away, keeping her senses active in case someone went to attack her blind spot. "Especially you, you overly religious piece of literal shit."

"See you next time. Make sure to keep up your iron levels and conserve all that blood," Hidan warned her.

"How about instead," Anomie stated, turning on her heels so she could face him and meet eye contact. Her sultry smile was back up, despite the absolute mess in her head. "You meet up with me later in a dark alley. Kiss me or kill me. I'll give you a show."

Anomie blew a kiss and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Kakuzu in the meantime sent Hidan a rather pointed scowl. "Don't tell me the reason we rushed here was for you to put the moves on her."

"My feelings are confusing," Hidan said with a grin as he stroked his scythe. "I want her blood, but I desire other things too."

"You're disgusting," Kakuzu told him, and Hidan grinned.

"Putting Koneko-chan aside, you two can now take up the mission she failed," Tobi interrupted with a happy chirp.

"Is this little runt giving us orders?" Hidan said, his voice deep and dark.

"I believe it is," Kakuzu agreed, taking a rather threatening step forward.

"I'm going to shove my scythe so far up your ass that I might have to strap you to my side and use your body as a holster," Hidan said, and Kakuzu glanced towards him.

"That threat was gay."

"Really?" Hidan slyly tossed a kunai at Kakuzu, it skewered the immortal's arm, but the other didn't so much as flinch when he took it out.

"Now now, no need for violence. Apprehending Orochimaru is of utmost importance. He has so much information on immortality, yet is unchecked," Tobi stated in a sing songy voice that immediately caught the two's attention.

"I suppose it won't be the worst thing to do."

"I wonder where Anomie floated off to," Hidan stared glancing towards the exit and causing Kakuzu to sigh.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie let the steam envelop her as she slowly dipped into the molten hot water. The burn did not to help the damage of the scar going across her stomach, but she didn't linger on pain since every brush of the burn helped to remember Rin's touch. The hot springs wasn't far from the Akatsuki base, yet another one that correlated with its location and made her think that the two were related. That was a bit weird, but she didn't question it as she let the bits of dried blood wash away from her neck and her hair.

It was probably the most peaceful she had felt in a long time, or it would have been if not for the moment she noticed that droplets had begun to fall into the water. She pressed her long fingers against her cheeks, feeling for the salty moisture that had begun to spring from her eyes.

She still couldn't breathe correctly and her lungs were still attempting to keep itself pumping out oxygen. Her Chakra exhaustion and nearly fatal wound made that difficult, but it was also a reminder that it didn't matter how much power she thought she obtained, one burst of poor timing and bad luck and she would be erased. She was still too weak. She was weaker than Orochimaru and she didn't have the skill for kinjutsu that could properly keep Rin alive.

It hurt more to see Rin and watch her disappear in front of her than it hurt to lose her the first time. Anomie pressed her hands into her face, feeling the redness of her cheeks and the heat of those salty tears run down her face as she attempted to push them back in when she rubbed her face. They, of course, wouldn't stop and she felt her chest tremor with yet another cry. She lost count of how long she cried, but her body was pruning by the time she stood up to get out.

"Oh, An-senpai, there you are," the voice of Tobi filtered through. He came out from trees, his eye hold covered with a gloved hand as she crawled out of the hot spring.

However, she proved that she was in too long as a rush of dizziness and nausea overcame her. She staggered and almost fell, but she caught herself and wrapped her hair in a towel, having no mind for the fact that she was naked.

"You can look if you want," Anomie told him, her throat dry and her eyes raw. She was actually thankful his eye was covered, not because she was naked, but because she would rather no one saw just how red her cheeks were and blood shot her eyes were.

"That would be indecent senpai," Tobi told her and she scoffed.

"If you're here to further the scolding about letting Orochimaru escape, save it. I already know," Anomie said and Tobi giggled.

"Nah, senpai. Instead, we have another mission for you," he told her and she smirked, towel drying her hair and simultaneously activating a seal on her wrist so she was clothed in a loose kimono that showed off a bit too much leg with the slit of material from thigh to toe.

He removed his hand, already sensing that she was finished and walking closer. "Pass."

"You can't pass on a mission, senpai," he told her instead.

"Sure I can. I'm taking a sabbatical," she told him making sure her towel covered her eyes.

"Senpai," Tobi said, wiping away a stray tear from his eye hole. "You're going to get me in trouble."

"That's not my problem," she informed him, giving out a sly smile as she continued drying her hair. She turned her back to him. "Have Kisame do it. He loves missions."

"Blood," Tobi stuttered and she jumped at his loud voice and glanced down at her dress, seeing that the front wasn't swarming with escaping blood. Instead, her stitches on her back where the Chakra scalpel had pierced straight through was beginning to seep through with blood. It effectively ruined her dress. "Orochimaru got you good, An-chan."

"Well," Anomie winced, slipping off her dress from over her shoulders. The obi wrap stopped it from falling further down and it stayed at her waist. The hot water had caused the stitches to dissolve, and it had been so long since she got so wounded so she forgot how poor a choice it was to get them so wet. "Unfortunate."

Tobi poked the wound, making her flinch and glance back at him, having not heard him get so close. "Might wanna get that checked, senpai."

"Wanna give me a hand then?" She tossed a medical box his way and turned around.

"Tobi is too good a boy to not help a damsel in distress," he told her and she chuckled.

"Wow. I think I might just throw up," she said, but flinched when he began to clumsily sterilize the wound.

"You let yourself get this wounded, now I might just have to worry about you," Tobi told her in his happy and sing songy voice, and the more he spoke, the more her ears burned with a sense of familiarity that she couldn't place.

"I might _seriously_ throw up," she told him and slowly found herself smiling. "Doubt he could summon another friend from the grave for me to fight." Anomie chuckled, grabbing a flask of sake from her bag and downing it in a quick sip. "Rin's soul deserved to be in better hands."

She jumped when she felt the needle stick her when Tobi's hands flinched.

"Focus. My body is a masterpiece that I would rather not ruin," Anomie said, and took another sip.

Tobi was uncharacteristically silent, and he finished bandaging her quickly before getting some distance between them. "Well, enjoy your vacation."

She turned towards him, taking another sip of her drink. "Don't miss me too much. I'll be back to pick up a mission soon as I know this won't get infected."

Tobi didn't seem himself when he disappeared into the trees, but she didn't much care as she downed the last of her drink. She laid her heard back against the grass, dipping her legs into the hot spring and closing her eyes to let the blissful evening come to an end. When it did, it all went away.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

In her years under Orochimaru's thumb, she heard rumors of a stone that could control a demon. He had especially began researching it on the day that she had let the first mumble of the Akatsuki's reputation slip his way. It was one of those missions that she had gotten milliseconds from finishing, only to come back empty handed to keep Orochimaru's ever growing power in check.

Now, perhaps it could be leverage that she sorely needed. Also, it was the distraction she craved like a drug. No, she needed it. Something that she sought out herself, without orders or commands from a higher power.

Unfortunately, that stone was just barely out of her reach when she came up upon the keeper of the demon's stone. Not the keeper himself, but rather, his body. It looked horrid, shriveled up but not fresh enough to attract attention from the flies. Anomie knelt down next to it, her lips slightly parting as she inspected the very precise strike of a blast of concentrated energy to his chest. It had pierced straight through to the other side.

She was rather annoyed, all things considered, she had hoped to simply retrieve the stone and that would be the end of it. She was not so lucky, then again, was she ever? Worse than that, if the stone was in the hands of someone who was willing to kill this nonviolent monk, Anomie wasn't quite sure those were the hands that should hold it.

It could have been Orochimaru who stole it, as it was possible that after her betrayal, he sent out ninja to overlook all the missions she failed. After all, it was what she would have done, and they weren't all that different. It was a frustrating thing to have things in common with a murderous sociopath, but she wasn't about to fool herself that they weren't at all similar.

Still, it made her nervous that the world's balance of power, the great tailed demons, were in the hands of such a monster. Perhaps she should have destroyed the stone.

It was too late to worry about it now, and she stood up quickly at the sound of foot steps. However, something white and strong wrapped around her mid section before she could react. It took her a bemused second later to realize that it was hair. White hair. She craned her neck to see who just trapped her. She could have, of course, easily escaped, but she liked the pain it caused to her wound. Every sting reminded her of Rin's touch.

"Well, if it isn't Anomie," Jiraiya's voice rang in her ears. Her lips curled up, turning into smoke and slipping through the hair only to turn corporeal moments later in front of him. She broke all rules of personal space when she smiled up at him. The smile wasn't quite genuine, especially since she was slipping in and out of depression.

"Perverted sage," she greeted, and his frown returned.

"What are you doing here?" Jiraiya asked and she gave him a sultry brush of her fingers over his chest. She felt him freeze from underneath her touch.

"Here to see you," she told him, and his frown returned.

"Cause you standing in front of that dead body seems suspicious," Jiraiya told her. Anomie ran her tongue over her front teeth, her smile disappearing as she took a step back.

"Let me guess, you caught wind of the demon stone and in your mission to be a thorn in the side of the Akatsuki, you decided to go searching for it. In your quest, you discovered that the guardian of that stone was sitting in a pile of blood and shit. So, you stayed here, hoping the killer or a lead past this dead end would arrive." Anomie was finding it difficult to keep full amusement out of her voice. Jiraiya, on the other hand, didn't look too amused to be speaking of the monk's murder.

"And you had nothing to do with this?" Jiraiya asked, causing her to tilt her head, giving the monk a once over. She examined the way he died, finally coming to the conclusion that it wasn't her style.

"Come on sensei, we're on the same side," she told him, watching him frown.

"You hesitated," he accused and she rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her weight on one hip.

"I've killed a lot of people, some slip my mind," she told him, as she couldn't remember killing the monk who guarded the stone. However, she did repress the memories of the details in more gory deaths.

"Alright," he said slowly.

"Fine, you don't believe me, look at the trajectory of the blast," she stated, walking over to the body. "The height of a person had to have been at least 190 cm to properly make this cut through flesh at such an angle. I am not 190 cm. Therefore, it couldn't have been me."

"You could have jump attacked," he said and she met his eye contact as the both knelt down next to the body.

"Come on, sensei, I don't even have a Jutsu that could do this," she said, holding out her palms. "Besides, if I did do this, what kind of dumbass would I be to leave a trail. I would have burned the body."

"Okay," he said slowly, and she tilted her head.

"So you believe me?" Anomie asked, and he slightly smiled, rubbing his palm over his face and standing up.

"I don't know if I could ever fully believe you about anything, but I want to trust that your intentions are to protect the Shinobi world," he said and she felt a moment of guilt. After all, she wasn't searching for the stone to protect the bigger picture or to protect Konoha.

She just wanted to give it to Orochimaru in exchange for him showing her how to resurrect the dead. She hated him, but he was the only one who knew how to perform that Jutsu. A part of her knew she should care more about putting the power to control a demon in the hands of a monster, but she spent more time trying to convince herself on what she should and shouldn't do rather than make the choice on how she actually felt.

"What do you want to do with the stone?" Anomie asked, and Jiraiya paused. "Go up against the Akatsuki? That's surprisingly brave."

"You say that like I'm not usually brave," he commented, and she stood up, backing away from the dead body. Slowly, Anomie smiled, reaching out and grabbing a lock of his white hair, running it between her fingers.

He glanced up at her from his knelt down position next to the body. "Are you really flirting with me next to a corpse?"

"Is that such a shock?" Anomie asked, pulling his hair and forcing him to look towards her as she leaned down near his face. "How about we team up and find the stone together?"

"You don't seem like the type who enjoys partnering with someone."

"Well, let's just say I don't like the idea of facing an enemy all on my own this time around," Anomie told him, letting go of his hair and standing up straight. Her fingers brushed against her obi that held the very tiny and much too revealing kimono wrap together. His eyes dilated, watching a bit too intently as the short kimono popped open. His eyes ran over the skimpy black bra and silk panties to match. Anomie's head tilted to the side, her lips set in a sultry smirk. "As you see, I've been gravely wounded."

"What?" Jiraiya, after a couple dazed seconds and a nosebleed, stated as he finally saw the bandage that was wrapped around her stomach.

"I fear I don't have what it takes to fight against an actual enemy," Anomie smiled, running her fingers down between her breasts and to her bandages. Slowly, almost painfully, Jiraiya met her gaze as she closed up her kimono. The act of closing it was actually more sultry than when she opened it.

"Do you have an off switch?" Jiraiya asked, trying to discreetly wipe away the blood under his nose as he stood up and got some distance from the body. Anomie followed.

"Yeah, you would like where it's located," Anomie told him, walking past him, out into the slowly disappearing sunlight. "So what do you say? Join forces with me?"

"Look me in the the eyes and tell me what you want the stone for," Jiraiya asked and Anomie met his chilly stare. Anomie never did like lying before, and she much preferred getting her way by manipulating the truth.

Anomie was silent for a long moment, just making that eye contact. She was certain he wouldn't be able to read her no matter what she said. He must have known that too when he looked into her vacant expression. "I don't want the Akatsuki to get it first."

That was true. She didn't want it in the hands of the Akatsuki. She wanted it in the hands of someone just as bad. Not for long of course. Then she wanted him dead, but only once she was certain he could never touch Rin's soul again.

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Anomie was looking at the bottom of the bottle for a good couple minutes, savoring the numbness that filled her chest. Around and round her head spun, spinning and addicted to the small amount of relief that the strong scent of rum gave her. She had never taken to heavy drinking much before in the past, but if she was going to be around Jiraiya or anyone for that matter, she needed something to keep her numb.

"I didn't take you for a drinker," Jiraiya told her as he sat next to her on the stool. The village of Uragei wasn't far from the temple, and it was also not far from Konoha. She was reminded that she was in a land filled with enemies and thieves. Still, she continued to cloud her mind in a haze as she drowned the next bottle sip by sip.

She turned to him, handing him her bottle and offering him a taste. "Don't make me drink alone. Relax a bit."

"Anomie, are you okay?" Jiraiya asked, and her brows furrowed, grabbing his hand and getting a feel for the rush of heat that flowed through her when they touched. She placed the bottle in his grasp.

"I'm always okay," she reminded him, leaning forward and pressing her hand against his firm thigh. It wasn't sexual, but she pretended it was so he wouldn't realize that she was seconds from toppling over. "I'm a survivor."

"Well, I'm not one to refuse a free drink," he said, taking a sip as one eye darted to her hand that remained on his thigh.

"Jiraiya," she murmured, pressing her cheek against her palm. She was probably drunk at this point, but she trusted him enough to let go just a little bit. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends on the favor," he admitted and she slightly smiled.

His eyes burned a hole in her hand when she pressed her hand against the table. Her body was acting on its own, and it needed something to touch. In the midst of depression and a lingering resentment and burning hatred sparked a small flame of desire for human contact. "Can you embrace me? For only a moment."

Jiraiya's eyes widened, his lips flapping open and closed as he nearly dropped the bottle. She waited for his consent with a patient stare. It wasn't hard to see he wanted her, after all, she worked hard to maintain a good appearance. It was easy for her to keep up that outer facade, but she was all rotten on the inside. That was harder to fix.

"Are you joking?" Jiraiya asked and her lips slightly quirked, slowly, she squeezed his knee as she leaned forward, careful not to fall over.

"Am I?" Anomie said in a rather teasing tone of voice that didn't touch the emptiness of her gaze. "Ah. Are you afraid you can't control yourself? Am I that pretty?"

"I have more than enough self control. I am a sage. A Sennin." he defended himself. Anomie raised her brow, wondering just what sage mode even looked like. Senjutsu wasn't easy, but it was a goal in itself that she longed to reach. Her curse mark was an incomplete and less powerful form that made sensing and gathering nature Chakra more difficult. If she could reach sage mode without the help of Orochimaru's curse, perhaps then she could be strong enough to kill him.

"Do you?" Anomie whispered, her eyes narrowed, showing off the long lashes when she reached forward and hovered her lips against his. Her fingers danced around the back of his neck as she felt him freeze from underneath her. A couple people had glanced over to see them, but things much more graphic often happened in Uragei, so one almost kiss didn't mean much. It was also late evening, so many were still asleep.

His fingers gripped onto her waist for a moment, causing her to smile.

"Look at that," Anomie murmured, leaning closer. "Was that some chemistry that I felt? Careful, I'm going to assume you like me."

Jiraiya pulled away, taking a gulp of the whisky as she smiled, going back to leaning her cheek against her palm. "Where's your lead to the stone?"

"Fifteen minutes away, drinking his way into oblivion," Anomie told him, and her eyes connected with his, proving that her body was too close to his. Jiraiya did manage to surprise her in that he spent so long lusting that the moment she was basically offering her body to him, he balked. She didn't fully know why she was doing this, and perhaps it was because she needed some type of physical contact after so long in the isolation that was the path she walked down.

Also, she liked him. Despite his lustful persona, he always made sure to be respectful towards her body. He never touched her inappropriately and he always kept a safe distance. He was clever and strong. His presence didn't ignite her skin like Kakashi or make her elated like Rin, but who could compare to a first love?

"Lets go. I think you have had enough," Jiraiya told her, glancing towards the liqueur bottle near her arm. Her lips quirked up, keeping up all signs of good will as he offered her his hand. She glanced it for a long moment before placing her palm into his.

When she looked into his eyes, however, she realized that she desperately and absolutely longed for Kakashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is titled after the gladiolus flower (グラジオラス) Gurajiorasu. symbolizes strength of character, faithfulness and honor. The Gladiolus flower signifies remembrance.


	51. Kikyou

CHAPTER FIFTY  
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–•–

**ANOMIE HAD NEVER EXPECTED DRINKING TO EVER BECOME A REPRIEVE DUE TO** alcohol doing nothing to her teeth, figure, and mind. Still, as Jiraiya glanced towards Anomie while she continued to uncharacteristically sip from her flask, Anomie couldn't seem to stop. She was a little shorter than him, so it wasn't hard to glance at her every once and a while from the corner of his eye. "Who are you trying to be? Tsunade is not an ideal role model?"

"Chill," Anomie told him, glancing up at him. Then she snorted, fully processing his comment. "Please, I'd sooner fuck her than be like her."

His nose burned with blood at her comment, but he hid it so she wouldn't see. "What happened? You know you can talk to me."

"Nothing happened. I like the taste," Anomie told him, and she smiled slightly as it tasted very similar to gasoline. Tsunade said she liked the taste in the beginning, but after her brother died, Jiraiya never knew what to feel about anything that woman told him. Anomie was perhaps even more difficult to read, and most of the time he noticed that she never showed much expression. When things got difficult, she would off balance the tension with a little bit of harmful flirting.

"Sanshi is the monk's boyfriend or something. It was all very confusing," Anomie said with an uncaring wave of her hand as they stopped right in front of the temple. "Ask him all your questions. I'm going to change my bandages."

"You don't want to come with?" Jiraiya asked and Anomie slightly smiled.

"He won't talk if I'm in there," Anomie told him with a smirk and a slight shrug.

"So the normal Anomie type of interaction," Jiraiya said with a sigh, contemplating working with her. He knew that she was technically on Konoha's side, but Anomie had a quality of unpredictability. He wanted to trust her more than he actually did.

Anomie slightly smiled, taking a sip from her flask. "It was a bit above average."

Jiraiya sighed, turning to walk away, "This is beginning to be tedious."

"Wait," Anomie stopped him, placing her flask into her pouch. She walked closer, placing her palms against his chest as she glanced up at him. He froze at her touch, feeling the heat from her hands as she ran her fingers over the mesh shirt underneath his shirt, only visible through the opening of the v along his shirt. "I'd remove that if I were you."

"What kind of temple are you sending me into?"

Anomie smiled, biting her bottom lip. "This village has an occupancy of roughly 40 people. What do you think these people do for fun?"

That sparked Jiraiya's attention and his brow slightly twitched.

"The bath houses are at its greatest in about an hour, but for now," Anomie ripped a v into the mesh underneath with one hand in so fast a motion that it danced around aggressive and oddly flirtatious. "Sanshi likes a bit of skin."

"I'm going to repeat: what kind of temple are you sending me into?" Jiraiya asked, and she bit her bottom lip, mid grin with her hand slightly covering her lips. "And can you not rip my clothes. I am a nomad, I live off the land."

"If you like, you can rip my clothes a bit," she told him and watched as his eyes wandered over her very tight kimono with a bleeding nose. "Just curious, does that happen mid game? I'd hate to be the girl underneath a faucet."

"This is my cue to leave," Jiraiya said with a dead pan, hiding his nose. "You never answered me about this temple."

"Don't you trust me?" Anomie asked, watching Jiraiya run his fingers through his hair.

"This isn't about trust," he began to tell her, but didn't get another word out when she reached up and pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth. It was quick, but it sent his blood pumping through his veins.

"Good luck," she whispered when she pulled away with a sultry smirk that wasn't at all genuine.

She disappeared in a cloud of smoke before he could get another word out.

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Anomie stared into the sky, thinking about nothing at all. It was easier to think about nothing rather than to be crippled by loneliness and defeat and hatred. It didn't matter what she did, she felt rather trapped and suffocated as if every reprieve didn't make a difference and nothing ever would. If she had the choice, if she could go back in time, she wondered what she would do differently.

She blocked out the 'what ifs' of her life. Instead, she basked in the sun as her back rested against the roof of the temple where Jiraiya attempted to negotiate where the stone could have gone. Of course, she would have gone too, but Sanshi had disliked her from the beginning, so she didn't make it any better when she put a bit of effort into the matter.

Her wound still throbbed, just waiting for those stitches to pop. Even still, she didn't bother fixing it as she stared up into the sky, making out the shapes of the clouds. Doing so reminded her of when her mother would lay next to her on the cliff behind the temple and point out shapes in the sky. She had made up stories to go along with it.

That memory had been buried for so long that the reminder brought her mother back to life for a moment. If Anomie closed her eyes, she could feel her mother's hand in hers, squeezing tightly for dear life. Anomie remembered all those small details. She breathed them in and they embraced her fondly.

She closed her eyes and remembered her mother's long red hair and dark blue eyes. For once, the haunting memory of her face was not lost. Perhaps this memory was a gift for avenging her death and it was perhaps the only thing Anomie could do to repay the woman who raised her and tried to teach her kindness and compassion.

Anomie had been very kind at first, but being nice doesn't bring any rewards. It brought her to handing that man, that murderer, a flower from her garden near her house. She was the one who saw him, spoke to him, and told him her dreams of a house made of cheese. Kindness makes people covet innocence. Kindness made him covet her and take her body every night until she was sold to a high end brothel that he could not afford.

Anomie wasn't kind. She didn't know what she was anymore. She thought that by accepting the Hokage's proposition of joining Orochimaru and reporting his misdeeds then she would be able to do some good in her life. Instead, she had moments to make a choice between slaughtering a handful of Anbu or assuring that Orochimaru would never trust her again. Perhaps there could have been an alternative, but at the time, gaining Orochimaru's trust took first command and she drenched her hands in blood.

She didn't regret it. She halted Orochimaru's most deadly research time and time again because he trusted her so greatly. She had another opportunity arise from the ashes when she was asked to slaughter only a portion of the Uchiha clan. There was no way out for her. She could have said no, but fear of civil war in the village that Kakashi called home was not something she could have taken lightly.

She wanted to be someone else and rewind the clock to a time when her touch didn't cause him so much pain. She knew what it was like to hate herself, so she could see what desiring a murderer and a traitor was doing to him. She wanted to set him free, but she didn't know how to quit him.

Anomie pressed her arms against her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut. Her heart drummed painfully in her chest, and she feared that if it beat any harder then it would break her ribs. She desired him. She missed him. She wanted him.

She tried to think of bad qualities to soothe the emptiness, but unlike her, he was too perfect. He was kind, he was strong, he was modest, he cared, he forgave, and he loved with his entire being. She loved every last thing about him. She loved the freckle below his lips. She loved that he wore three masks just waiting to make a joke about what was underneath the first. She loved his sense of humor. She loved the look in his eyes when she kissed him. She loved that the passion never went away and how his body always devoured hers and ruptured every nerve in her body.

She could never have him. Not really.

However, she would protect him. She would make this world safer, even if she could never stay at his side. Even if the greatest monster she had to fight was herself.

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"It was a normal temple," Jiraiya said as he stepped on the roof next to where Anomie laid down with the back of her head resting in her hands. Her kimono was creeping down, giving him a full view of her long legs and heels that really outlined her legs. They were fashionable, with ribbons attached that wrapped around her calves.

Jiraiya tried not to stare, but Anomie was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever spoken to and she was sitting right in front of him with the impure intention to show off. She glanced up at her, her eyes outlined with that girlish sweep of winged eyeliner. Her hair was up in a bun with small purple flowers woven in between delicate strands.

His nose begun to dampen with blood as she adjusted her position and he caught a glimpse down her robes where her lacy bra rested. He looked away, feigning to scratch his nose and hide his face.

"I know," she said in a low tone, her lips quirking up into a small smile. "How long did it take you to realize I lied?"

"Very funny," he said, raising a brow as he watched her glance up at him.

"He does hate me though," Anomie admitted after she slowly sat up. She wanted to run her fingers through her hair, but having styled it that morning made such a thing difficult. She glanced over to him, the amber hue of her eyes cutting through his deadpan.

"Not surprising," Jiraiya said, holding out his hand for her to take. She glanced at it for a long time before she placed her surprisingly soft fingers onto his palm. She slowly wrapped her fingers around his and stood up. The spark of their connected skin flowed through her for a moment and he dropped her hand as if he had been zapped. Her lips quirked up for a moment as she met his gaze. "You are being vague on what you did."

"Am I?" Anomie smiled, not elaborating. "Did he know anything?"

"He didn't seem too broken up on the monk's death. Someone came around to chat with him only a week ago. Asked a lot of pushy questions about the stone and about you," Jiraiya told her.

"Sanshi talked about me?" Anomie said, but Jiraiya sighed, running his fingers over his jaw.

"Not by name, but I don't have trouble understanding when someone is talking about you," he replied, and she tilted her head to the side.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you insulting me or complimenting me?" Anomie asked, her brows furrowing, but that ever present smile still managed to slip out towards the end.

"We should go. There is a buyer around here looking for this item."

"A buyer? Who?"

"The Izana clan," Jiraiya answered, and Anomie paused, surprised but not for long since the Izana clan truly did rule the underworld and dabbled in just about every type of illegal trade. It didn't surprise her that a faction also coveted the ability to control a demon. Also, more than anything, at least she wouldn't have to deal with Orochimaru.

"Ah," Anomie murmured. "Which one?" Tsukasa was immediately the name that filtered through her mind, but she doubted that someone as loyal to the village as that girl appeared to be would be so ostentatious about betraying it.

"Hell if I know. The old guy only said that it was an Izana through recognition of the crest on their sleeve," Jiraiya answered.

"Did you just call Sanshi old?" Anomie's lips quirked up, a small flower bud falling from her hair from a slight gust of wind. "You remember that he is actually your same age?"

"Exercise keeps me young," Jiraiya told her, causing her to smirk.

"I've never known you to exercise," she replied.

"I'm a Sannin. Have some respect for Jiraiya the great toad sa-"

"Do you have an off switch?" Anomie's interruption caused Jiraiya to pause with an exhausted sigh.

"Will you let me finish?"

"When you finish with me, you will be thankful that you waited," she told him, and he met her gaze and felt his body heat.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You know what."

Anomie's brow raised and she tilted her head up. "Are you ashamed to be attracted to me because of my age now or because you met me when I was a child?"

Jiraiya's eye twitched when she laughed, her lips curling up in a rather genuine burst of sound. She glanced behind him, her laughter departing but her smile staying in place.

"Looks like we have company," she told him, and he sighed, having already felt the killing intent. He turned around to see a woman jumping up on the rooftop. Her eyes were a very familiar silver that the Izana clan were notorious for and her lips were curled in a much too sweet smile.

"Two for the price of one," the woman said, her lips widening in a beautiful and pearly white smile. Anomie's eyes ran over the green flower tattoo over her brows and light black hair that almost looked grey in the lighting. "Is that you Koneko?" The woman walked as if she were drunk, but the malice in her eyes was wide awake.

"No," Anomie answered, her lips spreading in a coy smile while Jiraiya let out a sigh.

"I never forget a face with such an expensive bounty," the woman said, staggering a bit before her bright silver eyes began to narrow as a dark Chakra started to cover her in a thick shroud.

"Is that so?" Anomie didn't dare move closer, too afraid that her stitching would open right back up. "Who cares about one kitty when you have a Sannin right here."

"I thought we were closer than that," Jiraiya stated, glancing over at her from the corner of his eye.

The woman glanced between the two of them, but the action appeared to make her slightly dizzy. Slowly her lips spread into a rather crazy grin as the once vibrant silver of her eyes began to roll back so Jiraiya and Anomie could only see the whites of her eyes. "I'd rather not fight, Izana Kira," Anomie said, and the woman's silver irises came back, her grin slightly diminishing.

"You should have thought of that before you tried snooping in something that doesn't concern you," Kira said, holding up a beautiful stone that looked as red as blood. "Looking for this?"

Jiraiya glanced towards it and smirked. "You should just hand it over. You can't defeat the both of us."

"I've always found that I'm at my best in threesomes," Kira replied, catching Anomie's eye and giving her a sultry smirk.

"And like that I'm out," Anomie replied with a brow raised until it was tucked behind one of the stray flowers hanging just barely out of her hair. She reached up and cupped it into her palms, letting the wind blow it away with the other one.

Kira grinned and before anybody could move, she had pressed up against Anomie's body who matched Kira's crazy with a deadpan of her own. "Give me six minutes and then we can have a monogamous little fight."

Anomie slightly smiled, pressing her finger against Kira's lips as she leaned forward. "I'm going to pop your eyes out of your skull."

Jiraiya let out a letcherous chuckle. "I'm feeling so left out."

Kira turned her head around like the lights had flickered on and died, the expression of pure madness over come her. It was unpredictable and caused Anomie to disappear into smoke for being too close when Kira let out a cackle. In moments, the energy around her became stifling, as if something was channeling out oxygen.

Jiraiya barely had time to dodge the two blades since Kira leapt in so swift a moment that Anomie could not follow her body movement. From that moment, Anomie turned corporeal once more on a taller building and sat down against the roof of the house.

Jiraiya was perhaps the most skilled fighter she had ever seen. He was nimble and more than that, he was strong. She knew that the moment he nearly exploded the roof with a single fist as if he were covered in muscles. Kira, however, had battle abilities unlike Anomie had ever seen before. They were unpredictable and always aimed at vitals with precise pinpointed ability.

More wary than that, she was fast. It was like trying to hit water, the droplets merely went around flesh of a fist with no real damage. Jiraiya must have known this, and that was when Anomie saw him activate a summoning, but instead of his usual toad, they all appeared inside the belly of the beast.

Kira glanced around, straightening her back as she took in the fleshy surface she now balanced her feet on. She pressed her finger tips against the wall, and Anomie grimaced as a slippery saliva coated the girl's fingers. Almost immediately, Anomie turned into smoke as a way to make sure her shoes weren't ruined.

Kira grimaced and her white stare disappeared as her irises once more came into view as she stared over to Jiraiya, her mind coming back and sobering her up. "Our first date isn't going so well."

"I don't usually go for seconds anyway," Jiraiya commented, offhandedly as he took a step forward with ease. Kira noticed this, already feeling the difficulty as the esophagus was restricting her movements almost immediately making it hard, no, nearly imposible, to walk.

Kira gave him a hard stare, almost completely sober now, her dark Chakra retreated. "What is this?"

"This is the stomach of my summon," Jiraiya told her. "Your movements are already restricted so you can't beat me with speed. You will eventually find it difficult to breathe. Soon enough, I can control everything at will, and you will be digested at a rate far greater than anything you've ever seen. You've lost, Izana-san."

"Lost now have I?" Kira smirked, taking a difficult step forward. She took another, pressing her feet harder into the squishy ground. Jiraiya noticed the deadly Chakra was beginning to return and flood out her pores. She took another step, this time it was effortless. "I decide how this battle will go, Sannin of the Leaf."

"You are from the Leaf too," Jiraiya reminded her with a sigh.

Kira's eyes rolled back as the dark Chakra all but surrounded her in a way so visible that Jiraiya might have thought she were a demon. "I am Izana. I serve Izana. Fuck Konoha, fuck this toad, and fuck you." Kira leapt forward, so much Chakra pounding through her skin that Jiraiya knew that she wasn't fully human as no human could survive that much concentrated power.

Jiraiya move back, dodging her fist that lodged into the flesh below her. Jiraiya watched it surround her arm and hold on tight, and if she was normal, there was no way she could escape the weight that held her down. It was eight tons of pressure and Jiraiya felt a cold chill when Kira turned her head towards him, only the whites of her eyes visible, and she grinned. Her canines looked especially sharp in that moment, and moments later, Jiraiya realized that they were getting sharper.

Kira ripped her arm from the flesh that attempted to devour her as if it were just stuck in a pool of water. The cold sweat intensified when she leapt close to him, nearly cutting him with the mere force of wind coming from the speed of her palm.

Anomie, from her place in the air, grew more thrilled that this was not her battle to fight. She knew little about the Izana clan, nearly none, and she had never really seen them fight before. All she knew was that they were so deeply linked in the very essence of commerce and donors for major economic works in the village, and that they were nearly untouchable by the law. The secrecy of their dealings was unknown because of the near impossibility of putting spies in their organization due to the Izana tradition of nepotism.

Then again, Hyuuga and Uchiha weren't so different in that regards either. They were both rather publicly untouchable, at least, they were. The Uchiha massacre changed the game of the way Konoha ran. Even that required proof and a spy from the inside. Doubtful there could ever be another spy quite like Itachi.

The Uchiha police force could be easily replaced, either way. Trade and money made this world and Konoha was rightfully reluctant to mess with their economic rise to the top.

 _Besides_ , Anomie frowned, watching wherever Kira stepped had left a black imprint of poison, spreading throughout this toad's mouth. Her very Chakra was deteriorating a flesh and acid environment of a fire resistant toad. _I wouldn't want to attempt to battle a clan if they fought like her._

That feeling was intensified when Jiraiya managed a fatal blow, impaling Kira only slightly on the girl's own blade. Kira glanced down, blood dripping from her lips. Slowly, she laughed, placing her palms against the sharp blade, locking her fingers around it and pulling forward, moving closer to Jiraiya and impaling herself further.

"I just love having you inside me," she said, and he grabbed her by the back of the neck and used his other hand to summon the rasengan. She glanced down at it with a grin, not the least bit fearful.

She grabbed him by the wrist and squeezed, he slightly winced, but his bones didn't break. Perhaps if it was anyone else, it might have, but Jiraiya was durable and he shoved her back into the stomach walls, allowing the flesh to suction against her. It was all up against her entire body, raising her above floor so she couldn't get a proper grip on the ground and push off. She raised his Rasengan and just as he went to strike her down, her never ending grin an slightly unnerving, she was enveloped in Chakra to the point where the walls of flesh behind her burned right open, disintegrating, and she escaped through it.

It wasn't something Jiraiya had ever seen before and he immediately deactivated the Rasengan in his palm with a raised brow.

The surprised silence was immediately broken. "Did you like it inside her?"

"They're gonna kill me," Jiraiya said, referring to the giant hole the stomach of one of the bigger toads. Just outside, Anomie could see the village as bright as day, but Kira's potent and nearly impossible to hide Chakra was gone.

"Summonings are petty that way," Anomie agreed, and moments later the stomach around them disappeared and they were back standing on the roof. Kira was nowhere in sight. "She's battle capable. She realized she was outmatched against you. Now she has the relic."

"I am the Great Toad Sage. Undefeated, unbroken, and-"

"Get to your point," Anomie said in a deadpan, practically hearing his pained sigh as he held up the stone, red as ever, in the palm of his hand. Anomie glanced at it and let out an amused laugh. "You are in for a horrible enemy when she finds out you stole that from her."

"Can you let me finish a speech for once? You are missing out of some really cool quotes," Jiraiya said, ignoring her comment and getting back onto the true issue at hand.

"Fuck your speeches. Let's get out of here before the demon bitch realized she doesn't have that."

"I, Jiraiya the Toad-"

"Shut the fuck up."

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"Jiraiya you still have an eye for beauty," Anomie commented, glancing towards the jewel in her hand. It was a pain in the ass to find it, but now that it was in front of her, it was a bit anticlimactic considering the amount of men who wanted it and the Izana who coveted it.

She would not have found it if Jiraiya wasn't a little letcher. "That I do. Anomie, when you live as long as I do-"

"Can you like, not go on another speech?" Anomie stated, glancing towards Jiraiya with a sideways smile.

"One day you will let me finish a speech," he replied. "This is our first quest together, let's not fight honey."

"I'll fight if I want to, dear. Don't think I didn't catch you writing notes when I was chatting up Ibukuro," Anomie retorted, shoving her pointer finger into his chest, finding that it was firmer than she thought it would be.

"Those were import field research notes," Jiraiya informed her, and Anomie took a step forward, slyly tossing the stone in the air and watching his eyes slowly glance towards the object in her hand.

"Research notes? On what? The way my butt looks in these pants?" Anomie asked, and Jiraiya scoffed.

"Not everyone is looking at your butt," he informed her, but the way his eyes shifted made her doubt that.

"Hm," Anomie took a step closer, walking past him and taking a seat on the hotel bed. "This mission was exhausting, do you want bed or the floor?"

Jiraya's eyes slightly narrowed, but his nose burned from a buildup of blood that had yet to fall. "Same room?"

"Safer in numbers, Jiraiya-sensei," Anomie told him with a cheeky smile as she pat a spot on the bed next to her.

"What type of man are you insinuating that I am?" Jiraiya's question was met with her sly smirk.

Anomie undid her braid, allowing her hair to fall over her shoulders as she leaned back on the bed. Those curly silver locks spread over the comforter of the bed and blanketed it from underneath her. Slowly, she reached her hand out for Jiraiya, who stared at her palm suspiciously.

"I'm not insinuating anything. You are a good man," she told him and he crossed his arms over his chest, causing her to let out a giggle as she dropped her hand onto the sheets.

"How about you hand over the stone, Anomie," Jiraiya warned her, and her lips spread into a sneer as she stared up at the ceiling.

"I thought your newest book was sloppy," she told him.

"You don't appreciate good literature," he told her and she giggled.

"You haven't a single clue how a true pro is in the sheets, do you?" Anomie shrugged, and felt the tension in the room grow with Jiraiya's offense.

"I'll have your know I am very well versed," he told her and watched her sit up so she was leaning on her elbows with her back to the bed.

"I'm sure you've seen lots of pleasure. After all, you're ambidextrous," she gave him a cheeky grin, showing off the smooth dimples on her cheeks.

"Mean."

"At least sit next to me," she said with a laugh. "I want to know all that I missed while you whored my image to a best selling novel."

"Who says that's you? Your arrogance knows no bounds," he told her and she grinned, reaching over and grabbing his forearm so he had to walk closer. Anomie wasn't strong enough to force him on the bed, but he let her bring him in front of her knees.

"I've looked in a mirror recently. In my own dreams, I too fantasize about myself."

"Again, if you read my forward, you would know that any similarities in characters are purely coincidental-"

She stood up so she was closer to him, her chest sliding up his body as she did, her body brushing over every inch of his due to their close proximity. Finally, she stopped when she stood up straight, her face only inches under his. She felt his breath stiffle as he felt her cool hand cup his chest, glancing up at him and allowing him to see her long lashes and nearly invisible pores. Her lips pouted before opening slightly, inviting him closer. She ran her finger tips down his chest, giving him just a brush of skin on skin contact over the slit in his shirt before she lowered her hand.

"Fuck it," he reached down, cupping her perfect jaw in his hands and running them through her hair so his fingers could be resting against the back of her head. His lips were less gentle, filled with desperation and need. She smiled against the kiss, allowing him to push her onto the bed with him on top.

She ran her legs up his hips, cupping him tightly into her body. Her thighs were surprisingly strong so it took real work for him to actually come up for air. She twisted them around with a smile so she could be on top, and he was too stunned by the softness of her lips to resist. Her long hair created a dome around them, and she leaned forward, brushing her lips against his jaw and working her way to his earlobe. She let out a slight sigh before she tugged on it once in between her lips, before she ran the tip of her tongue over it, just barely touching him.

He steadied her and brushed a kiss against her lips, feeling her smile in between. He had experienced many types of kisses, but hers was perhaps the most stimulating and it drove him crazy when she brushed the tip of her tongue against the roof of his mouth. If she felt how quick that made him harden, she didn't say as she pulled away, grazing her lips over his forehead and feeling his hands cup her hips.

She could feel the desperation for release, making her wonder if he was starved for it or nothing ever satisfied him. She, more than anyone, could understand such an empty void. She met his gaze, feeling his hands trail to cup her butt, spreading her apart and pushing her down so they could feel each other through the thin layer that separated them. She leaned down, and he attempted to meet her lips, but she dodged in one move scooting her lips lightly down his jaw and stopping at his ear.

"Admit it," she whispered against his ear, pressing the sensitive area of his lobe in between her lips with a bit of pressure as her fingers dug into his hair. She made sure the action hurt, but the sensitivity she gave to the usually ignored erogenous zone made him squirm. She felt him twitch beneath her, causing her to let out a sly giggle. "I will make you pop like warm champagne, but before I stroke you senseless, try first stroking my ego."

"Fine. It was about you," he whispered, running his hands through her hair and pulling her to his lips. She sucked on his bottom lip, skillfully running her tongue under the area of skin underneath his lip. He abruptly pulled away, letting out a soft, "Fuck."

She felt him run his hand in between her legs, cupping her and getting a feel for her. She let out a slight sigh, pressing her lips over his neck and running her tongue over his adams apple. She felt him shiver as she ran her tongue down his chest, her hair tickling his skin as she did. He sat up, taking her with him and forcing her to sit on top of him as he kissed her. She took off the red haori, thankful he wasn't wearing the annoying mesh armor underneath his clothes as it was a pain in the ass to take off.

She slowly undid the kimono top, watching his eyes study her as she did. His eyes were filled with that familiar and beautiful lust that she loved watching so much. Slowly, she stripped his top off, sliding it down his shoulders and arms, making sure to trail her fingers over his skin as she did.

"I'm old enough to be your father. You realize that," he gave her a chance, an out, which wasn't something many men ever tried to give her. She glanced down with a chuckle, but met his gaze just as strongly. She pressed her fingers against his stomach, trailing them down so they could brush over the bulge that was covered by so little fabric.

"I never knew my father, but I could call you daddy if you like," she told him, and he chuckled.

"Only if you want to see how quickly my off switch is," he warned her, and she laughed, watching his brow raise as she grabbed a hold of him, slipping her hands into his pants.

"I didn't know you had an off switch," she said, running her tongue over his neck and choosing a spot she found to give the most results with men. She sucked that spot, and felt him twitch in her hand. Jiraiya let out a deep and heavy breath, roughly cupping her back, just above the tight corset that covered her chest.

"I don't think you can say anything to turn me off right now," he admitted slowly, and she roughly pulled him into a kiss, instantly noticing how well his body responded when she was rough. He pulled away, running his hand over her chest that was bulging out of the corset that she wore.

If he knew what was beneath her robes, he might have attempted this sooner. "Go on then. I'm not hiding anything that will bite too hard." He met her gaze, finding her eyes were just as seductive as her body.

He skillfully undid the laces, and the moment he did, he saw the flesh of her breast swell out from the confining top. He would have once scolded her on the practicality of modest clothing, but he couldn't help but enjoy the sight of taking it off. The fabric fell to her side, leaving her bare underneath. He took a moment to admire the sight of her full breasts. Her lips twitched into a smirk as she grabbed his hands with a gentle tug, all the while releasing him from her tight grip and making him practically yearn her it once more.

"I've found it gets easier when there's touching involved," she whispered, pressing his palms against her breasts.

The moment he touched them, his skin was on fire, thrashing at him for more. He lowered his face, taking her hard nipple in his mouth. She arched her back, and his hand moved to cup the smoothness of her spine. He breathed in her vanilla and plum scent, and found that it was embodied into every inch of her body. He had never felt such a desire for a taste before, and he supposed he always felt a certain degree of lust for her, even when wasn't appropriate.

His gaze rolled up to meet hers as he breathed his way down, tracing her body with his tongue as he skillfully moved her body so her back was against the bed. He memorized every inch of her skin, licking the inside of her bellybutton and for the first time, her felt her buck forward as a genuine sense of lust clouded her vision. He slightly smiled, smoothly pulling down the thin black leggings, tossing them behind him as he traced his hand over her silk panties. He traced his tongue back up, giving her breasts a bit more attention as the image of them echoed in his mind. He memorized them with his tongue, pulling down her panties and tossing them behind him as well.

His gaze met hers, and he felt the desire blind him. He ran his tongue back down, swirling the tip in her belly button and watching her let out another genuine moan. She attempted to shush herself with the back of her hand, but he didn't let her, holding onto her hands to steady her. He lets go and sees her legs were spread wide. He kissed the inside of one knee, and then the other, and up, back and forth, and at the end of each kiss he gave a little upward lick with his tongue, he continued his path, back and forth, moving closer and closer to where her thighs met.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

The next morning, however, the stone and Anomie were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KIKYOU (桔梗) It is also known as Platycodon grandifloras (bellflower), which is a species of herbaceous flowering perennial plant. This flower is native to east Asia, such as Japan, China, and Korea. Depends on the regions, there are Chinese bellflower, Korean bellflower, and Japanese bellflower. It symbolizes endless love, and honesty. There is a belief that, this flower has "The return of a friend is desired."
> 
> Now, this has been a long time coming. I've just been so busy. Jiraiya and Anomie's relationship is purely physical, since I'm an adamant TsunadexJiraiya fan. Anomie really fucked him. Literally and figuratively! That's what she does. It is a stone that controls demons after all.


	52. Ki Ayame

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE  
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–•–

**IT WAS NO SECRET THAT BY NOW, ALL ANOMIE'S THOUGHTS ALWAYS SEEMED TO** direct themselves right back to gaining power. For her, who had been abused and humiliated all her life, power was the one thing that could solve all her problems. Even as a courtesan, she sought what little power she could get, making friends, ruining competition, and being the best. Danger. That was what the stone felt like the moment Anomie had it alone in her palms. It was small, but it carried a weight about it that made her want to drop it. However, she could use it. She could use it for leverage. She could use it for power. She could give it to Orochimaru and he could give her Rin's soul.

Anomie squeezed her fingers around the blood red crystal. She half expected it to break, but no matter how hard her fingers curled, it was unchanging.

Jiraiya was likely lamenting himself for trusting her, and allowing her to get so close. That was fine. She deserved that and more. What she did wasn't her finest moment of manipulation, especially since it involved betraying someone she actually trusted.

If anything, Jiraiya had been more like a father to her than anyone else. Or perhaps that was a bad comparison since she did sleep with him no more than 48 hours ago and she didn't exactly hate it. Anomie never had a father so it was hard to say what it felt like.

Thinking about Jiraiya was a bit difficult since she did and was betraying him by taking it after he knocked out. It wasn't like he loved her and she sure as hell wasn't certain she was capable of loving someone without hurting them. It didn't matter how much she tried to do the right thing. Everything went askew and now here she was, holding the power to control a demon and she was still contemplating giving it to a snake who would abuse it and bring only death.

_It would get me Rin._

Anomie had done so much for this world, and she followed every order. Was it so wrong that she took something for herself? Was it so wrong to have her best friend back?

She squeezed her palms around the stone that she had no right to hold. She could do so much with it. She could change things with all these demons at her backing. Anomie leaned her back against the wall, the house that she first came to with Rin. It was still in tact and empty, Anomie didn't know where the new owners left and she didn't ask questions before she slipped inside.

To gain access to Konoha from the Izana was a simple matter of give and take. She promised to bring them any special artifacts she found under the Akatsuki and they promised to allow her entrance whenever suited them. Lucky for her, with the matter of the stone, they weren't a clan to hold grudges. If anything, Kira was unlikely to say she lost her hold of it since the prospect was humiliating.

She shouldn't be in this village, but she needed some type of direction because she was about to make another unforgivable decision based on greed. Rin's old house didn't give her answers. It didn't give her peace of mind, but it did trudge up memories and emotions. They surfaced like over flowing water, spilling out all over the floor and flooding her.

She remembered every smile and every touch. Anomie ran her fingers along the door frame of Rin's old bedroom, catching sight of the markings of blades having been dug into the wood. She remembered the way Rin tossed them because Anomie had a knack for making fun of Rin's unrequited crush on a boy that Anomie never would have thought she could care for so deeply. Perhaps Anomie was so enamored with that girl that everything Rin loved, Anomie loved too. It didn't matter. She loved him now. At least, she thought she did.

"I miss you," Anomie pressed her back against the wall and slid down. Her long hair was loose and slid up the wall behind her as she fell onto the ground. She held the stone tight in her palm and her grip didn't loosen. A part of her wanted its power. No, it needed it. It craved it.

Another part of her wanted to destroy it.

Anomie lifted her head up, as if she just caught sight of a ghost. She spared another glance at the stone before she disappeared in a haze of smoke.

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Kakashi glanced to the side, reading his book near the lake as he lazily read Jiraiya's smutty novel. In between pages he would glance off to the side where his new students attempted to find him and steal the bells attached to his belt. They were having an uneventful search considering he hadn't moved in over ten minutes.

He turned a page when he caught sight of some ruffling in the bushes. In moments one of his students barreled through with too much noise. Kakashi casually got to his feet and dodged the girl's swipe for one of the bells. He used one hand to lift her up by the scruff of her shirt as he continued to read his novel with disinterest towards the newly graduated Genin.

The three of them were disorganized, slow, clumsy, and hated each other so much that the thought of working together was unlikely to ever be followed through. They had no fighting skills and the girl he held up while reading his book in one hand was just screaming in his lock, ordering him to let her go.

So he did, straight in the lake.

Well, he tossed her like a skipping stone instead of dropping her, but she was a loud mouthed one and his book was getting to the best part. He didn't have a second of peace when another kid comes swiping at him, overcompensating for his lack of skill by screaming after every attack. 

Kakashi tossed him and the last 'ninja' into the lake next. The timer went off for the test, signifying it was over and he could go home for some barbecue. He closed his book, standing straight just as the three kids dragged their damp bodies out of the lake.

"You three failed," Kakashi said, but he didn't have much faith in them to pass from the very beginning.

"That isn't fair!" The girl's screech was ear piercing and if Kakashi has a shred of sympathy then that might have erased his deadpan stare.

"That isn't my problem," Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke, successfully ridding himself of any annoying conversation.

He didn't go far, just barely out of sight so he could walk the rest of the way in silence and finish his chapter. The world, however, was against him when a paper plane flew towards him, propelled on a gust of wind. Normally he would have ignored it, but a bit of curiosity never hurt him too bad so he reached forward and grabbed it mid air.

He closed his book with a sigh, placing it in his weapon's pouch and unraveling the paper.

_Cemetery._

Kakashi tilted his head to the side, and he might have asked what such a suspicious note it was to have flown towards him. He didn't ask, however, because the small symbol of a hairpin with two pronged daggers covering it was an immediate indicator of who this could be.

With his newly failed students in the back of his mind, Kakashi set off. It wasn't a long walk, and perhaps a part of him was rushing with his mind telling him to stop and think for a moment. It didn't happen and he was standing at the entrance of the cemetery, just begging his legs to take that step forward. After a long moment, he stepped through the threshold and walked towards the stone where Obito's and Rin's name rested off in the distance.

After a long moment, he walked forward, awaiting the cold compress defeat. He was battling his own pride, his own code, but when he saw her small back in the distance, honor didn't matter. All he saw were those beautiful silver strands of hair that were escaping her braid.

She stood above the giant stone that was carved with names of people who had died. Her back was hunched over and near her fingertips she traced the name 'Saru Hyuuga'. She stood up straight when his foot crushed some dry twigs and she turned around and glanced his way.

Anomie slightly smiled, holding out her hand. He only stared at it for a moment, not daring to take a step forward. "It's not everyday I come see you." She rolled her eyes and dropped her arm, turning back to the stone.

"What do you want?" Kakashi had to ask because the only time she ever appeared before him, she was either asking for something or making his life miserable. There were times in between the two, but they were fleeting and made everything else all the more painful.

"You can pretend you don't miss me if you want," she said, and he raised a brow, watching her turn towards him. He barely managed to cover the surprise when she rushed towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her embrace was tight, and he nearly lost his breath from it and her close proximity.

Kakashi wasn't certain what to do with his arms and after a long while of contemplation, he nearly thought about taking a step back and getting some peace of mind that didn't involve questioning his loyalty to his village. He glanced down at her, taking in her scent and the way she felt, pulling him against her chest. It was then that he noticed that the small amount of clothing that hung in opening around her back showed off some tightly wrapped bandages that looped over her stomach.

"What happened?" Kakashi asked and felt her linger in embrace before pulling away.

"Orochimaru," she answered, pressing her palm against her stomach. "I'm okay. It's healing. That's why I'm here."

"I don't want to know why you're here anymore. You shouldn't be," he answered and saw her face grow cold.

After how long she was away from him and how much she missed him, to see him reject her was rather hurtful. There wasn't a moment in the last couple weeks where she didn't think about him, but he looked ready to be rid of her. Anomie took a step back, deciding that she couldn't lose control around him and do something stupid like embrace him like her life depended on him. That wasn't why she was here anyway.

"No one will come and see, if that is what you're worried about. I have that covered," she said, her voice going back into a monotone. She glanced behind him to where a couple men began to walk towards and block the entrance to the cemetery. "It's only a small possession. They will be fine. No Leaf ninja were hurt in the making of this Jutsu."

Kakashi raised a brow at her wording. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here because I may or may not have found-"

"Stole," he corrected, but she waved him off.

"-something and it's gotten me a couple enemies."

"Then give it back," he commented, crossing his arms.

The look she gave him was a deadpan that made him sigh. Of course she wasn't going to give it back. She wanted it and craved it like a drug. Power, infinite power, was only moments away and she couldn't be trusted alone with it.

"I can't do that. I need to destroy it," she said slowly, holding up her palm. He saw a marking of a storage seal on her hand. She pressed her fingers against it and swirled it in an intricate design. In a moment a stone, red as blood, appeared flat in her palm.

"What is it?" Kakashi had to ask, because nothing she said could be taken very lightly.

"It's power. Potential power. I could control a demon and its host in one go," she grabbed his hand and placed it into it. She squeezed his fingers shut around it. "You understand why I can't be the only one to have it."

"So you are passing the responsibility onto me," Kakashi understood what she was trying to do, but he wanted nothing to do with any schemes or demons.

"I'm not passing anything. You don't trust me," she said this as a fact, leaving no room for commentary. "I don't trust me either. I need your help with something, so help me destroy it. I don't think I can. You are the only one who I trust to keep that away from me."

He paused, glancing down at it. "Why do you even want it?"

"I don't know why I do half the things I do," she answered honestly. "But I tried to destroy it. Fire won't work and trust when I say that no one can make a flame as potent as mine."

He glanced down at it, his eyes slightly narrowed, "What makes you think I can destroy it?"

"I considered dropping it into a live volcano," she admitted. "That way, no one can find it and it can eventually deteriorate. However," she placed her fingers against her wound. "I am often a magnet for trouble, and Orochimaru wants that stone. The Izana wants that stone. The Akatsuki wants that stone. I alone can't protect it."

"So you want to go together?" Kakashi squeezed his temples, turning away from her. "I am supposed to drop everything here on a whim to go on this with you."

She didn't so much as smile. "It needs to be destroyed. If you don't want to do it, I'll find someone else." She held out her hand for him to give it back. He didn't budge.

"I'm not letting you hold this when Naruto is in this same village," he told her and her brows furrowed.

"Do you think so little me?" Anomie took a step forward, grabbing him by his chin and forcing him to meet her gaze. "For right now, trust me when I say that I don't want to bring Naruto or Konoha any trouble."

"You were very specific, but there are still other villages and other hosts," he reminded her and she raised a brow.

"You caught that?" Anomie's lips broke in a smirk. "Okay fine. I want power. We both already get that. I'm not hiding it, but we are in a circle right now. What do you want to do?"

"We should turn this into the Hokage and see how he handles it."

"Are you a moron?" Anomie's brows were furrowed, and she glanced away for a moment as if she were being watched. "Sarutobi is a great man, but Danzo is a white wrapped cunt. You bring that even whispers away from his bloodhound nose and we're all fucked."

"Flowery language as always," Kakashi said with a sigh.

"Kakashi, it's either you come with me or I go alone. It's not ideal, but I'll manage it." Anomie probably could have convinced Jiraiya, however, after her actions of last time, she doubted he would want to travel with her. Also, as an added bonus, she didn't particularly like having to see a person's face after she had sex with them. "I'll give you till the end of tonight to decide, but don't keep me waiting too long."

Kakashi watched her disappear in a haze of smoke, leaving him with the stone.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Kakashi caught sight of her through many books, causing him to tilt his head. Anemone met his gaze with a tiny display of surprise. They hadn't seen each other since the girl got demoted, and was upset with the state of their last mission. With the Fire Daimyō's daughter in the state that she was, that much was understandable.

That all wasn't entirely Kakashi's fault, since the daughter was wounded before he got there. He did, however, frequently allow an enemy to get the better of him. "What are you doing here?" Anemone asked, her eyes slightly narrowing as she picked up the scroll she was looking for. Not many other ninjas were around since most Shinobi didn't like company when in their research.

Kakashi wanted to read up on the stone, but it might be a bit suspicious if he did so around her. Anemone was a good Konoha Shinobi, loyal and fierce. He doubted he'd be very successful attempting to slip past her.

"Shh," he whispered with a deadpan. "Libraries are supposed to be quiet." He had a scroll tucked into his belt, and of course her eyes narrowed on it.

"Suit yourself," she said, turning to walk away. However, she paused. "It was an honor, you know?"

"Hmm?" Kakashi didn't particularly care.

"Working alongside you. I know it was a failure, but it was a dream come true for me." Anemone turned her entire body towards him, her finger twitching against her scroll. "I just think...it was kind of disappointing, you know? I just expected more."

She walked away, leaving him rather stunned. That was probably because what she said was true. It was disappointing and he was disappointed in himself. After all, he loved a woman who he should hate. He betrayed his village and he betrayed himself. In the end, he could probably hate her if he really tried, but for once, perhaps, she might actually be trying to do the right thing.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Anomie paced back and forth, biting her thumb and showing off that she was extremely nervous. She realized, pausing for a moment from her pacing, that she was on edge because she couldn't predict him anymore. They were both changing and growing further apart.

"I shouldn't have come here," Anomie whispered, pressing her palms into her eyes. _I should have left the stone with Jiraiya_.

Of course that wasn't what she did. She was too greedy and her morals were ambiguous. She wanted to save Rin, and in that justification, she almost gave away a source of so much power to a monster.

"This is why you don't have any friends Anni," Anomie whispered to herself, pressing her back against Kakashi's dresser, sliding down and holding her head in between her knees. After so long of going on without feeling basic human emotions, Anomie became overwhelmed when they came back.

She decided, albeit harshly, that she was being pathetic. She had to pick herself back up because no one else could do it for her. She had to stop being so upset with the fact that she might have really drove him off. _It's for the best._

She stood up, but something caught her eye in the distance. On his nightstand was a small hēza flower, and perhaps Anomie had just never noticed it was there. It was small, and dried, pressed in between pages of a book to hold its place. It was the first book she ever got him. She opened up its pages, showing Rin's flower, still standing. Its shape had changed, but Anomie could still recognize the shape of the petals.

It had been so long since she'd seen it. The last night had been inside Rin's house, where Kakashi had held her when she felt her world fall apart. It was the last and only time anyone had ever comforted her when she cried. _He kept it._

She heard the door open and close, and she stiffened when she felt Kakashi's Chakra. She quickly closed the book and laid against his bed, sinking into the mattress.

"Get off," Kakashi's voice rang upon entering the room.

She sat up, slightly smiling at him, taking in the beautiful way he styled his hair and his overall presence. He took off his weapons belt and placed it on his nightstand, covering the book as if she hadn't already looked at it.

"Haven't you had a long day?" Anomie raised her leg until it was in a V shape, showing off that she didn't bother to take off her heels. They still wrapped around her ankles in well adjusted ribbons and her short kimono slipped further down her leg. He turned his head, running his hand through his hair.

"You said until the end of the night."

His reminder made her slightly smile. "It's five minutes till. I'm impatient and where else would I go?"

"Back with the Akatsuki, for starters. How about back with Orochimaru?"

"You're being awfully hostile," Anomie sat up, reaching over and grabbing him by his waist band, pulling him forward and getting a glance of his well toned stomach. He didn't struggle when she pressed her face against his chest, resting her forehead there so she could become relaxed with the sound of his heart beating.

"If we are going to do this, then we have to do it without all this," he told her, pressing his hand up against her back and feeling that she had gotten thinner. He felt her hands drop, and despite what he said, he liked it when she touched him.

It was wrong.

Speaking to her was wrong. Loving her was wrong. Helping her was wrong.

He was wrong.

"Okay," she said after a moment of silence. "If that is what you want, I'll do it." Anomie did feel a moment of embarrassment for being rejected by the one living person who could still hurt her. Still, it was a relief because at least this way they could focus on the actual task. "So you'll come with me."

"I do have a sabbatical coming up," he admitted with a sigh, causing her to slightly smile. Despite the fact that their 'relationship' was deteriorating and morphing into something she could hardly recognize, she was thankful, grateful even, that she could be around him. She wished she could make him trust her, but figured it was best if he didn't. After all, she didn't even trust herself.

"I'll leave tomorrow morning. I'll catch you on the flip side," she said, standing up and walking past him.

"Where are you going?"

"Don't worry about it," she told him, sending him a smile before disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

She couldn't stay there, around him, after just getting that embarrassing rejection. She needed a night to steel and bar her heart from such things. She wasn't strong enough at the moment to handle it because she spent so long feeing numb. She forgot what it felt like and it wasn't like people rejected her often.

"Minami, how are you?" Anomie asked, laying against the bed with a chilly smile to the head Oiran who once employed her so many years ago. They had developed a sort of friendship, and occasionally, Anomie missed having actual friends.

"Ah, it's you," Minami said, taking in the other woman's appearance with a raised brow. It was rather obvious that Anomie had used her private bath, especially when the aroma of plums drifted into the room with some of Minami's own clips in Anomie's damp hair, holding it up.

"Love the beauty products," Anomie said with a grin, running the back of her hand along her cheek. "You always buy the best money has to offer."

Minami raised her brows, stepping forward and closing the distance as she gripped Anomie by her chin. The girl didn't react, but her ever present smile was all the more apparent. "You've gotten thinner."

Minami could see that just by looking at the girl's face, but the kimono did well to hide the fact that Anomie's shoulders were too bony and her legs looked even more brittle. Minami began to wonder if the girl ever ate.

"Don't worry about that," Anomie said, brushing off the brute concern with a wave of her hand. "I have news you might enjoy."

"What would that be?" Minami asked, but Anomie stood up in reply, brushing her lips against the woman's with a smirk.

"I'm bored and sad. How about some fun?" Anomie suggested with a smile.

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"Well, hello handsome," Anomie said, watching as Kakashi stirred awake, glancing towards the clock that read 4 am. He ran his hand through his hair and rested it against his eyes. His blanket covered his lower face, proving just how extra he was about masking his jaw.

"No, not yet," he stated, but this caused Anomie's smile to widen.

"It's best to leave as early as possible, considering the company you are keeping," she warned him, leaning forward and resting her head against his stomach.

Considering the time, Kakashi's defenses were slightly weak, so he didn't tell her to leave him alone. He didn't try to get her away from him. It was harder to ignore how addicted he was to her touch when she offered it so freely.

It was hard, but not impossible. Kakashi rolled out of bed with a sigh, walking to his dresser. Anomie didn't move when the weight underneath her head disappeared, allowing her form to sink against the mattress with a slight thump. Her hands rested against her stomach and after a while she felt a small fluttering, making her realize how much she craved him in that moment.

She craved him like an addict, so when he appeared before her, well groomed and ready to go, she leaned up and her eyes connected with his. It was like a violent drum was beating when she looked at him, and she knew he felt it just as vibrantly as she did.

"Is it like this with everybody?" Kakashi asked after a moment's pause.

"Is what?" Anomie asked, slightly surprised that he spoke to her.

"This thing we have between us." Kakashi's response was vague, but Anomie understood what he meant the moment he spoke. "You've been with _a lot_ people. Is it like this with all of them?"

"Why did you emphasize those words?" Anomie asked, and he raised a brow.

"You know why," he told her, causing her lips to slightly curl.

"It's different," she said, but her voice was so low that it was a wonder he could hear her. "With you it's different."

She felt like they were both breathing hard, obviously from the nerves, but she couldn't help it. She wanted him. She needed him. However, she understood that he needed something different, like stability, support, and perhaps not hoping into bed with a criminal. Her brain understood that, but her heart refused to listen.

"Let's go," she said, standing up and raising her hands. "Do you trust me?"

"No," he told her, and she smiled.

"Not really any time for trust falls," she said, turning into smoke and hiding beneath his flesh.

"Loved the warning," he said, a lingering sigh on his lips.

"Not really big on those. Does this bother you?" Anomie had to ask, mostly because she feared that it might. She really didn't want to upset him.

"No," he answered. "What if I have to use the bathroom?"

"I've seen so many that by now it doesn't actually mean anything," she said. "Besides, it's only until we reach a mile from the village. By then, it shouldn't be too scandalizing that we are seen together."

"I feel violated."

"Don't be such a drama queen."

"Hm."

Anomie was bored. When she was inside another person's body, especially if she wasn't controlling it, it was like she was trapped, stuck in suspended animation. If anyone was the most uncomfortable, it was her.

"What? Am I interrupting your morning masturbation or something?" Anomie couldn't help but tease him, especially since there wasn't much else to do.

"You must think you're hilarious," he told her, he was moving by now, but to save on Chakra, she didn't extend the strength to see what he was doing.

"I do, thanks," she said, her voice echoing in his mind with a rather girlish bit of laughter.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

The wind was bitingly cold when Anomie stretched her limbs the moment she exited Kakashi's body. She noticed he was currently reading a small book that didn't look like porn, and instead looked rather dense, probably not a light read considering how small the writing and how thin the pages.

"What's that?" Anomie asked, and he glanced up.

"Research," he answered with a brief glance, looking as if he still wasn't used to her presence for such a long amount of time.

"On the stone?" Anomie didn't need an answer, but she wanted to listen to him speak for as long as she could. "Didn't realize that was the kind of mythology that Konoha had in abundance. Did you find anything?"

"Perhaps I would if you were quieter," he answered, not coldly, but even if it were, she wouldn't have been offended.

"Mean," she said, tightening her bun so it wouldn't come undone during the journey. Her wound stung as she did, proving that it was perhaps one of the longest healing processes she had gone through, or perhaps she wasn't resting enough for her body to properly heal. It wasn't a lie that she had felt herself growing weaker in body with each passing month. It wasn't like she didn't ever eat, but she sometimes found that such a mundane chore slipped her mind from time to time in the months she was numb.

"Let me see it," he ordered, and she raised a single brow, already knowing he had been curious for a while.

"It's nothing serious," Anomie told him, earning his scowl.

"If it weren't serious, then you would have destroyed the stone on your own." Kakashi took a couple steps forward, closing the distance.

She wasn't certain that was true. Without him, she might have used it instead or worse, given it to Orochimaru. Then again, perhaps her misusing it was just as bad as him. They were both so similar with lusts for power. Orochimaru was just so much smarter than her, so rarely made as many mistakes.

"Are you trying to get me naked?" Anomie said this as she untied her obi around her waist. Her sleeves had an impractical amount of lace and material, making the action rather difficult.

"Always," he said, causing her to smile at the jesting tone. However, his slight relaxed state grew more serious when he noticed the bandage around her waist was already, once again, soaked with blood. It didn't matter how slowly she walked, it seemed to continuously open back up. Surely her actions with Minami the night before hardy sped up the healing process, but it did offer a stress relief that Anomie had grown accustomed to having.

"It's really not as bad as it looks," she told him, for once, feeling rather vulnerable since she was nearly exposed with her chest barely covered by a see through lacy bra. She didn't cover herself since she hardly wanted him to think she was embarrassed.

"Yes it is," he told her, undoing her bandage. He had such a gentle touch as he did so, and his fingers grazed over the sensitive skin on her stomach, just above her wound. "It's infected."

"I'm not a good healer," she admitted, slightly ashamed that her medical ninjutsu was so pathetic. She never did manage to get the hang of the practice, causing her to be unable to heal farther from the first layer of skin. It was an under rated and underestimated skill, and she simply wasn't very good at it. She didn't feel like studying it and didn't have the time to practice.

Kakashi met her gaze with a frown. "You can't put all your efforts into fighting. You need versatility."

He was right. Her Genjutsu and Iryō-Ninjutsu both suffered because she spent so much time on destructive Ninjutsu, Senjutsu, and Fūinjutsu. That did leave her open for these types of attacks, causing most of them to become rather fatal.

She opened a seal up on her wrist, causing a medical kit to appear in moments. Her eyes met his gaze, handing over the kit. "Show me how it's done then, since you're so perfect at everything you do."

"I practice more than you," he commented, opening the kit as she glanced towards the ground. Taking a seat on a large boulder not far from her.

"You do not," she retorted, watching him lean down to begin cleaning the very sensitive wound.

"I train everything, study everything, while you shop for more dresses."

Anomie glanced down at him, thankful that he offered her some sort of distraction from the pain. By now, her stomach was throbbing, but she could at least tell that it was not life threatening. She couldn't breathe quite right, but her pain tolerance was relatively high.

"I don't shop," Anomie admitted, glancing down at him through hooded lashes. He was able to see the beautiful haze of amber and glittery colors that coated her lids as if it were naturally embedded into her skin. He still thought it was foolish that she spent so much time on her appearance, but he wasn't about to complain about it so long as she didn't lose her ability to fight and protect herself. "That would imply that I use my own money."

He gave her a deadpan glance, readying his hands into a medical ninjutsu. She noticed that it was, ironically, Rin's Jutsu. Anomie would recognize it anywhere. "So you steal them?"

"Rarely. Usually I get people to buy them for me."

"And that works?"

Anomie scoffed, "were you not the one who called me the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?"

He met her gaze, causing the tension to rise. "Did I say that?"

"Have you found someone better than me?"

"That ego isn't very attractive," he told her.

"Is that right?" Anomie loved his voice, even when they were teasing one another. "I'm just being honest."

"How did this happen, Anomie?" Kakashi's question was met with a small pause as she watched him bandage her stomach again.

"Just a bit of light fisting."

"Funny." He obviously wasn't amused.

"It was from a friend," Anomie finally said, glancing up to the sky. "A good friend. Caught me off guard." She couldn't tell him it was Rin. She didn't want him to think about how some psychopath was using her soul for his own sick pleasure. She promised to take care of Rin and she didn't want to drag him through that mess.

"Didn't realize you had those," he said, his fingers brushing against her skin as he began to retie the bandage. It was a welcome distraction from the pain, his skin against her was a welcome reprieve. It ignited her and when the fire of her eyes met his, the world fell away. Her fingers twitched to pull him forward, but her self control stopped her. Her pride stopped her. Her dignity. Her fear. Her regrets.

"I know," she whispered, barely realizing that her chest was heaving up and down in nervous jitters. She held it back and set it under an iron clad of willpower, that way those desires won't escape. "I was surprised as well."

"Can I offer you a bit of advice?" Kakashi's question was met with Anomie's action of tilting her head, prompting him to speak. "Practice some medical Jutsu, it will benefit you more than hinder."

Anomie glanced down at her hands, seeing they were pale with little blood circulation from the blood loss. If she pressed down against her skin, she was certain there wouldn't be a red mark.

It was frustrating and embarrassing to told to practice something for which she had no talent. "Is that right?" She glanced up at him, his concern softening any ice she had left over her heart. She pressed her palm against the side of his neck, able to feel his pulse speed from underneath her touch. She gave him the most genuine smile she could muster before she she stood up and pressed her lips against the top of his head. That action was easier now that his height was reduced from his kneeling position.

She felt his fingers grip her waist for a moment with that beautiful, lingering desperation, just before she let out one last sigh and he let her go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 黄菖蒲 (Ki ayame) Stands for the yellow iris, which can be a symbol of passion.


	53. Shiro no Keshi

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO  
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**FINGERS RAN UP HER ARM AS SHE STARED INTO HIS EYES, HER LIPS CURLED UP** as she watched his cheeks enflame as she raised a single brow. The small things, such as his nervous breaths and her rather bored sigh, was drowned out with the noise of the crowd. She grabbed the key from his fingers with her nimble fingers, her eyes narrowed in amusement as he leaned in for a kiss. She turned her cheek and allowing his lips to smack onto her cheek as she said some words to further her goals.

It was all muscle memory at this point, as most of the time she barely remembered what words she said to men since they were all a means to an end in getting what she wanted. This time, she wanted a room, a high class room of course since that level of comfort was just the way she was used to being treated. She would prefer this method rather than using what budget of money that she and Kakashi shared.

By the time she was escorted by the desperate boy, she pressed her lips against his nose in a quick sign of thanks before she entered the room. Kakashi was already sitting on the window seal with a bored glance her way.

"Nice right?" Anomie smiled, walking to the mini bar in the corner of the hotel room. She took out some water, already downing it in her dehydration. "I figured we might as well attempt to enjoy this in style."

Kakashi was still silent, turning pages in her book, not meeting her gaze. Her brow rose in response, finding a slight tension rise in the room that caused her brows to furrow.

"What's with the silence?" Anomie leaned her weight on one hip, but the action made her wince as that exact habit of movement caused her abdomen to move at the exact position that stung the most.

Kakashi was in front of her in moments, and she didn't fight him as she untied her obi and dropped the kimono off her shoulders. He met her gaze for a split moment as he attempted not to let his eyes wander anywhere but the bandages that were soaked once more with blood. "How is it that it won't stay closed?"

Anomie was silent for a moment before she sighed, "it was the Jutsu that was used to do it. Orochimaru had a thing for development of poisons. I recognize this one. It was used for torture, making wounds take longer to heal despite aid of medical Jutsu."

Kakashi met her gaze with a frown. "Do you have to always leave out details?"

"I didn't think it would be relevant to the situation at hand. It will pass through my system on its own, there's nothing else to be done," she told him, as he unwound the bandages around her abdomen. She could tell something was bothering him, but they weren't close enough for her to know or ask. Perhaps it was just to hard to be around one another.

He rewrapped her wounds once more, his fingers lingering against her skin before he backed away and then placed his palm against his one visible eye. His action made her slightly smile as he gave her appropriate privacy to place back on her kimono. She cleared her throat when she finished, smiling his way when their gazes connected once more.

"We should be safe here," Anomie said, hiding her smile behind a look of indifference.

"Perhaps you should consider a hair cut or a dye, that way this time no one could recognize you," he suggested in return, causing Anomie's lips to curve into a frown as her brow raised in bemusement. She ran her fingers over her hair as if the thought of cutting it had physically repulsed her.

"I can't do that," she replied, showing a rather humorous expression of disgust.

"One of these days you will choose practicality over beauty," he told her with a shake of his head. Finally he walked over to where a bag was resting in the corner of the room and she watched as he pulled out a bag of what looked like take out. "While you were flirting, I had a shadow clone pick this up. You need to eat."

Anomie raised her brow, finally taking in the tone he presented her with, causing her take a step forward when she realized it was jealousy. It would be tacky to point it out, so instead her gaze wandered to the food. "I'm not hungry."

"You're practically skin and bones. When was the last time you ate."

She didn't answer. She always had a problem with hunger, since she spent most of her childhood hungry. Eventually, she just learned to live with it. This was not the best attribute because it meant hunger did not bother her as much as many others.

However, she took a step forward, not wanting to turn away the gift he presented for her. Instead she grabbed it, feeling the warmth of the take out box from where her hands rested against it. She glanced back up at him, not hiding her smile.

"Only if you join me," she offered, but was met with his blank expression. Slowly, he noticed that she meant it. Many people gave empty threats, but Anomie was too petty for such a thing.

It wasn't long into the meal where he felt his eyes drawn to hers, seeing the way she ignored all the meat so she could go right for the vegetables. It wasn't what she needed, so he swiftly ate them all, having enough time considering she spent a ridiculously long amount of time chewing. By the time she went to grab one, she saw they were all gone. She met his gaze with a scowl, but when she saw his deadpan, she used her chopsticks to grab some chicken with a frown.

"Rude," she said after chewing, around a eighty seconds later. "So what's the plan? We have to pass through some pretty hostile territory in the Earth territory."

"You're sure about the volcanoes there? They aren't gonna activate the moment we get there."

"Fire doesn't hurt me."

"Lucky you."

They made eye connect again when she realized he was being rather condescending. She leaned forward and grabbed the side of his face and pulling it out. It was a reason just to touch him and to punish him. He didn't look to be expecting it, causing his eyes to slightly widen as he glanced her way. With his mask down, she let the image of his face rupture her mind.

"Just think optimistically," she told him, and went from pulling his cheek to resting her palm flat against it. She made it obvious, in that moment, where the mood had turned when she met his eyes. She quickly removed her hand and stood up.

"You're not done," he said, referring to the food she hadn't finished.

"I'm full," she said, but it came out as a complaint when Kakashi pulled her arm so she was forced into the seat right next to him. She sighed, and overstuffed herself with the rest just to finish it.

"You grew accustomed to how much you've been eating, so you have to eat more, even if you don't feel up for it." His light hearted scolding made her slightly smile, resting her elbow against the table and meeting his gaze.

"I like it when you worry," she said, mostly because she didn't really have anybody who worried after her so much. She glanced over to him, and for good measure, ate the rest. When she was done, she stood up and ran the back of her hand over his face in an affectionate gesture before she went to pack up her stuff. She didn't get far when he grabbed her arm and stood up, running the backs of his fingers over her neck now that it was visible.

She felt a shiver go up her spine and a shock of pain as that area of skin was still sensitive from the place she nearly got her throat slit by 'Rin'. He glanced over the burn mark in the shape of a feather. It rested there, reminding her of a branding.

"It's hideous I know," she said, attempting to leave his grasp. However, he didn't look too concerned about the way it looks, but it was hard to tell considering his brows were gathered together.

"What happened here?" Kakashi's question was met with silence for a moment. She just wanted to savor their close proximity for a little while long. She wanted to pretend that this was something else, more intimate and real.

"It's okay, just a scrape. I cauterized it."

"If it was just a scrape you wouldn't have had to."

She could tell now that he was genuinely concerned, and she felt her chest grow warm. Despite that, she didn't act on it for the simple reason that in the beginning he told her not to, she couldn't betray such a thing. Also, she liked just looking into his eyes and hearing his voice. The physical portion of a relationship cheapened what she could enjoy anyway. Then again, likely these were all excuses because she couldn't really have him as she wanted. That was a simple fact that they lived in different worlds.

She cleared her throat and took a step back, feeling cold without his touch. "Imma take a bath." She entered the bathroom, already beginning to fill up the tub. She waited there, tapping her foot after she stripped down and placed the silky robe over her shoulders. Her lips curled into a smile as she popped her head back out the door, glancing at Kakashi who had taken back to reading his book on the open window seal. "Unless you did want to join me?"

"Nah. You need it more than I do," he answered her, savoring the way her mouth opened in offended surprise.

She tossed a shampoo bottle at his head, which he promptly caught with a single hand, barely glancing up from his book. She crossed her arms, leaning on one hip. "You can give it back now."

He met her gaze, and this time his eyes traced her body with a once over. "No. I think I'll keep it."

"I need it. Don't be a little bitch," she told him.

"Try being nice and saying please."

"Kakashi."

"I know, that must be hard for you."

"Kakashi..."

"Try apologizing while your at it too." Kakashi was thankful his mask hid his smile when he rolled his eye and stood up, placing his book closed on the window seal behind him. He held the shampoo bottle over her head when he walked over to her, just barely over the threshold of the bathroom.

"Give it back." Anomie wasn't used to being teased quite like this, and it caught her off guard, causing her to forget all her abilities and she jumped up with no hope since he was taller than her and she couldn't reach it.

"Apologize." Kakashi raised a brow, not seeing why such a thing was so difficult before remembering that Anomie was a difficult person. She proved this when she gave him a snarky smile and walked towards the faucet of the tub, pulling on it and it stretched to reveal a hose. "What are you doing?"

He got his answer when she sprayed him with water. "I suppose you want me to apologize for that too?"

Kakashi took a step forward, his eye narrowed. She let out a slight squeak when he came closer, causing her to trip. This was something rather uncharacteristic of her, so it surprised her, but instinct made him attempt to grab her before she hurt herself. However, the floor was covered with water from her petty antics, so he slipped too, causing them to fall into the tub. He hit his head on the side, but he controlled his movements so she wouldn't be too hurt since she was still healing.

The water was nearly boiling hot and they were intertwined, intermingled, and submerged in the water. When they both came up, they were breathing hard, water dripping off each of their faces with his clothes soaked into his body and her silk robe wide open, revealing enough for Kakashi to know not to look away from her eyes. This was a problem because he was looking so intently into those wide irises, allowing him to see that beautiful hue of pink and many other shades he couldn't quite place, all making up that brilliant amber. He saw it all, from the water dripping from her sharp cheekbones and down to her brilliant pink lips, moist and perfect. Even her damp hair was as beautiful as ever.

And of course, he felt her. He felt every inch of her body against his and barely heard himself breathe anymore. He just knew he was breathing hard, and he could feel her breath matched his. Her lids were nearly closed, just staring at his lips that were so close to his— _and where the fuck had my mask gone—_ and he noticed there was no barrier. There was nothing stopping this from happening.

She closed the distance at the same time as him, her lips trembling with heat when their mouths connected. It was a fever, a passion she felt spread everywhere. She wanted to kiss him forever. She blocked out all thought about what this was, what it might mean, what further mess she might create for herself and she kissed him until all reason seeped from their pores and they became only the moment. Moments were so fleeting, and they savored it. They were a pulse, a consciousness only of what they wanted to do to the other and they were suddenly crashing against each other, all hands and lips. His fingers dug into her wet hair, and her right leg was trapped in between his knees. His hand held up her neck, pulling her closer as if she wasn't close enough.

His hands were tangled in her hair and her shaking fingers were still trying to lift his wet shirt over his head. She broke apart from his lips with a laugh as the material clung to him like skin, only to realize she hadn't taken off his vest first. Before long they were both laughing, their foreheads resting against one another.

"This thing with you," he muttered, and she closed her eyes just to hear his voice. "For me, it's forever." She felt his words lodge itself down her throat, stuck and forcing her eyes to open.

"I'm going to disappoint you," she promised.

"I know."

"You could do so much better."

"Probably," he agreed, opening his eyes with a smile.

"Mood killer," she whispered.

"I love you," he said it so earnestly, with all his being.

"God you're so stupid," she whispered, pulling him forward and pressing her lips against his, and it all felt too right. This time, she removed his vest, the both of them glancing towards her fingers as she undid the buttons. He tossed his vest away, the both of them hearing it plop against the tiles. She slightly smiled, her actions so clumsy and she couldn't quite figure out why since this was her area of expertise.

When she glanced down at the water again, she realized exactly why.

It was beet red, and just looking at it made her feel dizzy. Kakashi noticed it too, and kicked his leg to knock out the cork to drain the bath. "Anomie? Stay awake. Shit."

She pulled him against her lips, light this time. "We're both so stupid."

He slightly smiled. "The stupidest." He had to agree, because they both told themselves that each kiss didn't have to mean anything when it so obviously meant everything.

He scooped her up in his arms and placed her on the bed, taking off her bandages and seeing the infection had persisted. He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead, the heat of it surprising him and causing him to jerk his hand back. She was in and out of consciousness, and knew it was better if she slept.

His Sharingan was always ready and when her disorganized gaze met his, she shook her head. "No, I want to stay awake."

"Luckily it's not up to you," he whispered, pressing his lips against her forehead and running them over to her hair. "God if you knew the things I wanted to do to you."

Then he put her to sleep so she wouldn't have to feel the pain of him redressing and restitching her back up again.

When she awoke, only a couple hours later, the sun had already set and her body was draped in the silk sheets. They were too constricting and hot, so she kicked them off, only realize that her body was restricted in warm arms, wrapped loosely around her stomach. She traced up his hand, running it up his arm until she rested it against his neck. She softly pressed her lips against his, feeling the tingling right down to her toes. It was a sensation she was terrified to get used to, mostly because she doubted she could feel this way about anyone anymore.

She had only ever been head over heels for one other person, and that had been Rin. There were nights when she nearly gave in and told that girl how she felt. She always stopped herself for the simple reason that some people were wired differently, and by no fault of her own, Rin was incapable of returning that affection that drove Anomie mad. It was a sweet love that overtook Anomie's heart, but she had always been in control. She always managed to control her desires.

For Kakashi, it was different. It was a ravenous love, a hungry lust, and she felt her body melt every time he touched her. There was no controlling that. He set her aflame, and those sparks in her life that she thought would be dark forever reignited.

For her, this was forever. Forever and ever and ever.

He opened his eyes and she felt it pang through her chest again. "Hi."

Kakashi doubted anyone could say such a simple word in such a way that made his muscles relax and his heart clench. He reached forward and stroked his fingers down her cheek, down her neck, in between her breasts, before finally resting his palm against the side of her small waist, pulling her closer and nuzzling his face into her neck.

"I asked you not to sedate me."

"Luckily," he whispered, wondering how she always managed to smell so good. "I have a mind of my own and don't always do what you tell me to do."

"Kakashi?" Anomie whispered back after a couple moments of silence. He turned his head to the side, his legs still tangled with hers, and for her, it was knot, too complicated to approach. "After all this...then what?"

He leaned up, resting his weight on his elbows. "I have no idea. I can see my whole life ahead of me, but you're always there. It's irrational and you make me a mess, and sometimes I know I hate you."

Her lips spread out into a small smile. "I hate me too."

"I love you Anomie," he told her, he assured her, but it didn't comfort her when she saw the look in his eyes. "But I need honesty. Your honesty. I've never lied to you, and I don't want you to lie to me."

Anomie blinked, but she shouldn't have been so surprised by his reply. "I have never really lied to you."

"Is that so?" He raised a brow, tilting he head to the side.

"I leave details out, but I have always tried to be honest with you."

"Is that right?" Kakashi slightly smiled. "Did anything ever happen between you and Genma?"

"Who?"

"Really?"

"Describe him."

"Flirty, arrogant, had a huge crush on you."

"Right. Him. Yeah. Purely missionary," she answered with a slight smile. "You're a better kisser. I think he was too nervous for my liking."

"What about anyone else I know?" Kakashi asked and she raised a brow.

"Come on, you don't actually want to know about that. Ask what you really want to ask," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"I do actually want to know, so long as the list isn't too long." Kakashi rested his head into the crook of her neck once more.

"You afraid of the competition? I thought you were good at everything."

"Shut up."

"Ask me what you want to know. I won't lie."

"Why the Uchiha clan? Why do that? It brought you nothing."

He felt her chest rising and falling steady from underneath him. She took too long to answer, causing him to grow unsure of whatever it was that awaited him when she finally told him.

"I just followed orders," Anomie finally admitted, tilting her head to the side.

"Whose orders?"

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. "Does it matter?" Anomie pressed his face in between her palms. "Are you asking because you need to know? Or, are you asking because you want to make excuses for me? Kakashi, I could have been told to do this by the very gods themselves, but _honestly_ a part of me enjoyed it. It likes it."

"It doesn't have to be like that," he hissed, pressing his hand against the back of her neck to touch her and to show a semblance of how crazy she was making him. "Let's leave this all behind. You and me. We can pick a country you like. I don't care so long as you're there with me."

It was a lovely dream. It was one that was a bit too tantalizing, too tempting, and offered freely. "I'd choose you any day." She loved the way his body molded into her, how their hands just fit like puzzle pieces, how their lips were so in sync. She loved everything about him. She was a difficult puzzle to match with, and she had attempted to force her way to complete a picture. All that really did was cause her to lose parts of herself in the process.

She needed him. She wanted him. He was flowing through her veins, pumping past adrenaline and all the words she could dared never say because she feared saying it would cement it and make it too real.

"But that day is not today," she whispered, just up against his lips. "You don't understand just how insidious things are in the shadows. On the day that the Shinobi world isn't in such danger, I will tell you everything,"

"It feels so far away," he muttered, and they leaned against one another, just absorbing one another's delectable aura.

Anomie was too selfish and she lied. It was convincing enough to even fool herself. She wanted to believe she'd choose him over everything, but even she knew that there were some deeply embedded desires she couldn't quit. She wasn't wrong. He truly could and should, love another. She would hurt him a thousand times before they could escape to that cottage dream on a far away coast. Until that, though, she would pretend that she was just a girl in love with a boy.

"Let's just take it ten seconds at a time," she told him, curling into his side. "So, what things were you talking about doing to me?"

He wrapped his arms around her body, hugging her closer to his side. It was all so peaceful and warm. "Just go back to sleep."

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Wow," Anomie said, dodging the Jutsu sent her way. The blast of fire sent a pink heat to cloud over her skin. She recognized the flames of Orochimaru's lackey, but it helped that they were so obviously from the hidden village in the sound. "It's like he's not even trying anymore."

"Anomie, don't mock the enemy," Kakashi replies, sending the girl a glance.

"Why?"

"It's tacky."

"Ah, you're probably right," she commented, sending the man a sympathetic wince when he crashed into the ground after Kakashi sent a well timed strike towards his chest.

She jumped down next to the lackey, already taking a katana out of her palm from the seal. Kakashi, however, quickly intervened with a glare. "What are you doing?"

"No survivors," Anomie replied, as if she were talking about the weather. The silence that passed between them was awkward, and Anomie had to force herself to remember that he wasn't like criminals she dined with on a normal occasion. He had something she had forgotten how to empathize with, and that was _well_ ethics. "You're serious?"

"Put it down," he ordered, and she glanced towards the man unconscious. Now that she had a good look, she noticed that the kid was young. Not even in his twenties yet. It never made a difference to her in the past, but she couldn't ignore that the way Kakashi looked at her was rather compelling.

Still, it was hard to fight against instincts and all of hers were on edge, just begging her to take that finishing blow. It would be so _easy_ and freeing. Maybe, just maybe, there would be that trickle of guilt, but she was used to toning it out. "He's a fuse, and this spark will lead right back to Orochimaru. He will send someone more powerful once he gets word of it."

"We will deal with that, but if you want my help, no killing if it's avoidable," Kakashi retorted, and she glanced away, towards the clearing of the pigeons taking flight past the trees. Her hand was itching to slice through all that brittle skin, just itching for that finishing blow. It would all be so easy.

God knew that she wanted to do it. She wanted to kill every last person who aligned with Orochimaru. "I don't think so," she said instead, going to stab the man through the chest, but Kakashi disarmed her so fast she didn't get the chance. His arms wrapped around hers, trapping her and using his free hand to push down on her upper back so she was forced to lean forward while he locked her wrists behind her.

"Does anyone ever tell you how predictable you are?" Kakashi told her, and she turned her head, wincing slightly.

"Does anyone ever tell you that you are a bit of a bitch?" Anomie countered, turning into smoke so she could free herself and turn towards him, corporeal once more.

He glanced down at her, fully unamused as she frowned towards the katana he had tossed behind him. It was currently embedded into the ground. "You do, quite frequently. It's getting old."

"You astound me. You are willing to put yourself at risk," _to put me at risk,_ "just so you can keep your hands clean?"

"If we start killing anyone to avoid any inconvenience, then this will never end and we're no better than the scum we fight against," he said, and watched her beautiful face scrunch up in confusion. He always liked watching the way her face would change, or the way her eyes would narrow for a split second when annoyed.

"Kakashi," her voice was even, and slowly he felt the lull in her tone that she always got when exasperated. "I am no better than the scum _you fight._ "

"That's a choice you make. How about any time you get an idea to do something, instead, don't and just do the exact opposite and save us a lot of explaining," he told her and slowly watched the amusement rush over her face. She let out a small laugh, pulling him close by the scruff of his collar and placed a chaste kiss upon his cheek. He glanced towards her, his heart thumping so loud that he could hear it even over the sound of birds chirping just behind him in the trees.

"I just love hearing a good roast," she said and he felt himself smiling.

"Let's tie him up and leave him," Kakashi replied.

"I suppose I can only hope he dies of dehydration," she said in return, her lips quirking.

Kakashi still wished she wasn't so harsh, but he couldn't deny that that trickle of darkness and wit was what made him love her so intensely. Perhaps that was naive and he was ashamed, but he could only hope that he could contain her actions just enough to make her a better person.

"Hey," Anomie said, just after her shadow clone finished tying up the Sound ninja, since, and he could quote it, she didn't want to chip her nail on 'a trash bag boy'.

Kakashi glanced up from his book, a couple paces behind her since he was not the fastest walker. "Hm?"

"Thanks," she told him, slightly smiling when she spoke to him. "For coming with me."

He didn't even close his book before he replied in the most nonchalant tone of voice, "I'd do anything for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named for a white poppy. 芥子(白) Keshi(Shiro) Poppy (White) Rejoice


	54. Momoirobara

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE  
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–•–

**IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, WHERE EVEN THE NOCTURNAL ANIMALS WERE DEEP ASLEEP** and the windy chill was so frigid that goosebumps grazed her skin, Anomie awoke. It was to that same dream, somewhere in the past, her and her mother were sitting by the bank and counting the stars. It was so long ago that Anomie had let it be forgotten so she could concentrate on the present. Unfortunately, the present sucked, the future was unclear, and she enjoyed certain moments of the past.

She remembered the brilliant red hair of her mother, spreading like a fire between her fingers. Perhaps that was what made the Phoenix so beautiful to her and so appealing.

"Was it a nightmare?" Kakashi asked from his place on the tree tops. She slightly jumped, not used to his delectable presence. When she glanced up at him, past the crackling logs, she smiled.

"No," she whispered, running her fingers over a stray log and placing it into the brilliant red haze.

He didn't answer, only continued reading his book with the light reflected by the giant moon that hung in the sky. The mountain top was a beautiful place to be, or it would have been if it were summer or the ending of spring. Winter travels were less than appealing since the air was much too cold and everything was dead. It was befitting that she was born in the winter.

"I dreamt of my mother," Anomie told him, glancing up through hooded lashes.

"I always assumed you had just been spawned or hatched," he said, turning a page. It made her smile.

She leaned back up against a tree branch, her lips still curled up in her own sense of contentment. She never believed much when people said being with someone you loved made you happy. However, she was happy or at least as happy as someone like her was capable of being.

"I was. Hatched right in February," she told him.

"You've never told me your birthday," he replied.

"February 8th," she answered smoothly. "I think."

"Not long away," he said shortly.

"I like crystals and gems," she said, glancing up at him only to find he was staring back down at her with that look in his eye that she could never describe since not many looked at her quite like that.

"We're in the mountain tops. Where would I possibly find one?" His incredulous expression made her smile.

"If you really loved me, you'd find a way," she said with a shrug.

He turned a page with a nonchalant raise of his brow. "Have I told you how high maintenance you are?"

She stood up, taking her blanket with her, walking closer to the tree that he rested on top. She opened up the blanket with a suggestive smirk. "I didn't hear that. You should come a bit closer and say that again."

His eye met hers from above and he quickly went back to reading his book. "Nah. Sounds troublesome."

"Genma would have taken me up on that offer," she said with a playful smile, coming across condescending considering she barely remembered what that kid even looked like.

"Are you trying to make me jealous?" Kakashi's question was met with Anomie's narrowed and suggestive gaze that drove him crazy.

"Is it working?" Anomie opened up the blanket, revealing the fact that she used a seal to change into a dress that outlined her curves. Much of that hourglass figure had disappeared from her lack of food, but what was beautiful about her body never changed.

"It's 10 degrees outside," he informed her, as if she could forget.

"Oh no. If only there were some way to get warm," she teased, running one leg up against her other.

He was still unamused when he answered. "There is. It's called wearing pants."

She raised her brow. "For someone so honest about his feelings, you're really getting on my nerves. Perhaps I should give you a list. Or perhaps you are so resistant to my charms because I don't live up to the girls in your books?"

"Petty," he answered, jumping down so he was in front of her. She opened up her blanket for him to dip inside. He only blinked, showing he wasn't amused. She rolled her eyes, motioning to drop her offered arm when he moved forward, grabbing her by both cheeks and whispering, "not exactly like the books, but it will have to do." Just with a single move of his hands, he was already pulling her forward so her lips could come in contact with his.

It was not quite so ravenous as usual, but that could be because she was freezing. However, with him she saw that he had actually discovered where to touch her to make her heart lurch forwards. His long fingers trailed up her spine and weakened her body. She felt smoldered and devoured, and she loved the way his body pushed into hers.

It did help with the cold, and when she practically forced him to sit next to her by the fire, he let out a content sigh when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. A comfortable silence settled over the two before he broke it.

"Tell me about your mother," he whispered, mostly just because he wanted to know her.

"I only remember bits and pieces," she replied, resting her head into his chest. "I was so young when she died. Honestly, I'm not even sure the dreams I have of her are real." She was silent for a moment, letting herself smile. "I do remember one thing. Her Mochi was delicious. She would make some at least twice a year, for my birthday and Christmas. I've never had it since so I don't forget the taste of my mom's."

Anomie cut off, squeezing closer to him as they sat by the fire. "What did she look like?" Kakashi's question was met with Anomie running her hand up his chest, causing him to meet her eyes. She could feel the tremor beneath her palm, likely from the cold, but probably from her other hand that rested against his thigh.

"I don't remember her face much. Honestly, I mostly just remember the red of her hair. Can you imagine me with red hair?"

"No," he stated, running his fingers through individual locks as he met her heated gaze.

She slightly smiled, and pressed herself closer. His gaze dropped down to her lips for a moment, barely allowing her to catch it. "Probably for the best. I'm not sure what caused it, diseases of plenty turned my white when I was but a child. I don't even remember much of it, but I rather like it this way. My mother was always so protective and strong, especially after. There was this one time, when the merchants came to town. Usually, they were very rude, pushing and shoving the small shop owners out of the way to sell their goods. My mom sold apples, you know, and we woke up one morning to the entire tree cut down." Kakashi frowned, wondering if Anomie's life had ever been easy. "My mom, she didn't make a sound, she just held my hand, like this," as Anomie spoke, she placed Kakashi's palm in between hers and pressed it up against her lips. "And she said that all things bleak will get better with patience and that for us, things could only get better." Anomie met his gaze, but they were both caught up in each other's lips. She loved that his mask was bundled at his neck, since the whole thing made kissing so inconvenient.

"What did you guys do next?" Kakashi asked, and she loved that he was still listening.

"Oh, we used some of our savings to buy this nice bottle of port. It was an investment, but it paid off since my mom was gorgeous," she said, running her palm up his chest and over his neck. The contact of skin was enough to drive her insane. "She seduced the head merchant, got him drunk, and stole all his profits from the town. When he awoke, he didn't even remember what she looked like, so no luck went into finding who robbed him. With a little bit of patience, life did get a little better." And then, two months later, she was murdered. Anomie didn't share that part.

"Did I ever say how much I loath you?" Kakashi asked, and she slightly smiled.

"Hm," she made a slight sound when his forehead rested upon hers. "Sometimes, what did I do this time?"

"Nothing, you're perfect," he whispered, staring so intensely that her heart lodged into her throat.

Kakashi rested his palm against her waist, moving down until he could touch the skin of her thigh. All the while, his gaze was on hers, as if he were asking for permission. She would have given it, if only she could get a word out. Instead, she just smiled as his hand moved up, the material of her dress running up her leg as he did, the fabric bunching up until Kakashi's breath got caught his throat. His eyes moved away from her lips and back to her eyes.

"Are you not wearing any-?"

Her lips curled into a smirk, "nope."

"Fuck, Anomie," he muttered, resting his forehead against hers once again.

She moved closer, her lips still curled, pressing them against his neck and trailing them up before she paused underneath his ear. "Yes please."

He didn't even get a chance to kiss her before the sound of a scream filled the night and interrupted the mood. "God damn it."

"Can't we like, ignore it?" Anomie knew that such a thing was a lost cause the moment she said it, he frowned at her, as if saying that she was crazy.

He basically tore himself away from her, standing up to stare off in the darkness of the trees with the red of his Sharingan activated. She, in the meantime, leaned back against the tree with a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Get up," he ordered, and she looked at him incredulously as if she was amazed that he dared to order her around.

"We just can't catch a break," she said with a roll of her eyes as she stood up and simultaneously used a seal to change clothes into a much warmer attire. However, when he glanced at her and the way the black pants accentuated her curves, he sighed.

"Do you have to though?" he commented on her sultry outfit with a frown, noticing the way that her top was just as tight as the pants. Normally he was able to ignore her revealing attires, but his will was weaker after the state she left him in only forty seconds prior.

She raised both brows at him, already sensing his growing sass. "I like the way my butt looks in it, don't you?" And for good measure she dropped the blanket and ran her fingers over her butt.

"Really?" Now he was entirely unamused, his eyes set in a deadpan as his face once more turned into that stoney mask.

"You're the loser who would rather fight than-" another scream broke the girl off from her comment. "Who even screams anymore? Seriously, we should just let her get murdered for being annoying."

Kakashi's deep set frown made Anomie pause and sigh, giving in to his silent demand. She chastised herself for the lack of empathy that seemed to flood so many self righteous Konoha Shinobi. She was lucky enough to skip out on it, but unlucky to care what he thought.

He ran his palm over his face, as if he were in physical pain. It made Anomie send him a flirtatious smirk that made it all so much worse as he placed his mask back up, closing her off to all access. When he jumped to the tree tops, she lazily followed until they came up to the clearing where a woman was being held by the throat by a man with a great big sword. Anomie vaguely recognized the girl, but couldn't quite figure out why that was.

"She looks like she has it handled," Anomie said in a low whisper near Kakashi's ear. He sent her a glance, eye narrowed in a clearly unamused way. "You're serious?" He made a hand motion to send her to the left. She frowned, kneeling next to him. "Do you even know who that is?"

Kakashi gave her a look that practically screamed that she was being insubordinate. Anomie didn't particularly care as she glanced down at the white haired man with the great sword still untouched on his back.

"That's Mangetsu Hōzuki," Anomie whispered, turning Kakashi's chin so he was forced to look at her. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly in the mood to fight one of the swordsmen of the Mist. Especially not that one."

"Go left," he said, leaving no room for argument. Anomie's lips tightened into an expression that could only be frustration. She was at a crossroads, which she hated since she wasn't good at distinguishing between right and wrong.

She went left, her body fading to smoke as birds ruffled from the leaves when Mangetsu went to strike the woman down. Anomie didn't particularly care for some random skank's life, but Kakashi was apparently horny for justice and mercy and all that other crap, so Anomie had no choice. It was risky, but she felt obligated. She turned into smoke and and possessed his hand. This caused it to freeze, not leaving him room to stop it. He glanced at his frozen arm, for it was his dominant one. His gaze narrowed as the earth began to sink in around his legs, he quickly let the woman go and jumped back. Anomie immediately left his arm to become corporeal once more as she grabbed the woman by the arm.

"Hey darling, do me a favor and run," Anomie said, shoving the woman back as Kakashi sent a blast of fire towards Mangetsu, wasting no time. Anomie felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, but it was mostly just sore, having finally closed just enough for her to fight. However, to fight Mangetsu, she was sorely outmatched.

"Anomie," Mangetsu said, taking out his blade with a sharp grin and an expression that could only be described as ready to kill. "I'm going to enjoy killing you."

She barely dodged his attack, catching Kakashi's eye as he sent her an exasperated frown. "Seriously? What did you do to him?"

Anomie, with no shortage of enemies, paused as she glanced in between the blade and the psychopath's bloodthirsty grin as he lifted his blade from the indent of the ground that could have been her skull.

"Nothing!" Anomie defended, and Kakashi frowned.

"You hesitated!" Kakashi told her and she leaned on one hip. She glanced away, as if trying to remember.

"It's fuzzy, I've done a lot," Anomie defended as if it were an excuse.

"My grudge isn't with you," Mangetsu said with a grin. "Who I want is Hoshigaki Kisame. Your partner."

"Oh," Anomie paused, glancing over to Kakashi as she weighed her options. "He's in Kojukyo all the way in Ame." She gave the information easily, causing Kakashi to raise a brow.

"Is that right?" Mangetsu's grin widened, raising his blade and causing a trickle of wonder to rush through Anomie when she noticed that his Chakra was still pouring out for a kill.

"This luck I'm having," Anomie stated, clapping her palms together and pulling out two katanas from each palm.

"You're gonna fight me with those things?" Mangetsu grinned, causing Anomie to send him an unimpressed frown.

"Kakashi, he's making fun of me," Anomie said, while Kakashi began to grab his summoning scroll in one quick motion.

"Seriously," he muttered, running his fingers over the seals. His ninkin dogs arrived with a cloud of smoke. In the meanwhile, Anomie barely managed to dodge his surprisingly _strong_ blow to her Katanas. She hadn't thought she was underestimating Mangetsu's strength of blows, but imaging what his blade would feel like was remarkably different than experiencing it first hand.

Her arms were vibrating and Anomie had to flood them with Chakra just to keep hold onto her blades. She knew, in that moment, that she wouldn't be able to fight him with blades. That didn't mean they weren't good for defense, but defend was all she'd be able to do at this rate and yes, that scared her. Perhaps she spent too much time thinking she was simply _better_ than the average ninja, so being so outclassed was scary. That was when she met his gaze and remembered that this time she wasn't alone. She had to remind herself of that because it had been so long since someone had her back.

Kakashi swiped forward, his canine dogs attacking both of Mangetsu's sides. It forced him away from his close distance to Anomie's vital weakness because that was exactly what it was like fighting against him. She was afraid. Kakashi was unnerved as well, mostly because she was and he glanced towards Anomie as if to tell her to get ahold of herself. This was all something Mangetsu obviously found amusing, and he let out a chuckle, shaking the dogs from his body, and Kakashi signaled them to let go so they didn't get hurt.

"You don't get it, do you Hatake Kakashi?" Mangetsu asked, and Anomie bit her lip, her face heated up in humiliation. "Your partner, Koneko, and her past riddled with blood and smoke, is useless without that blood ability of hers. I studied her since she is in such intimate proximity with Kisame. You never fight without it, do you, Koneko?"

The humiliation was terrifyingly haunting, especially when the white haired girl met Mangetsu's condescending gaze. Her lip curled, but she had nothing to say to her defense. She often thought about her own shortcomings, and one of her greatest ones was her over reliance on her Kekkei Genkai. She could fight, she could use Ninjutsu, and she would even say she's advanced in sealing ninjutsu. However, the truth was, at the slightest glance at trouble, she ended things with her bloodline ability.

"My blood type ability counters yours. You can't possess me. I simply turn into water and you die," he said, and she grimaced, catching Kakashi's glance from across the clearing. She gave him a slight shrug, hiding her own apprehensive thoughts with her resting bitch face that she had artfully perfected.

"You talk more than I thought you would," Anomie said with a smile, pressing her palms together even though she couldn't deny her hands were shaking.

Mangetsu sent her a sharp grin that didn't help with the nervous patter in her heart. Her stupid fingers didn't perform the seal in time for his next attack, forcing her to take the defensive as he rushed his blade her way. The wedge his sword left in the ground make her heart quake. She jumped back, forcing herself not to turn into smoke just by instinct when his blade came with a sharp rush of water.

She escaped, but the slash that cut across her shoulder was not spared his strength. Mangetsu stood straight, swiping her blood from his blade and running his finger against his tongue. She grimaced at his wide grin, but moments later, the crackling of birds shot through the clearing and Anomie glanced to see Kakashi had readied his Chidori.

Likely, it would miss. Anomie knew Mangetsu's speed well enough. Kakashi couldn't keep up too many blows of his Chidori and before long, he would be drained. His Chakra reserves were pathetically small, but not many enemies took advantage of his weakness because he usually made up for it with his many other strengths. She knew he was distracted and perhaps that was her fault.

She had to think. She had to be smart. For once, she had to do something that didn't end up shaming her. Her heart was drumming in her chest and her arms were still sore from the vibrations of her blades against Mangetsu's sword. His strength was that of a monster, but he had to have a weakness.

She felt her pulse slow, noticing the way the Chakra would gather around his sword, as if he were more concerned with the blade than his body. He had done that before, just before he had nearly decapitated her. She reached out her palms, moving fast, her fingers still shaking and a little clumsy but it would have to do. She couldn't let something as pointless as fear get Kakashi hurt.

She pressed her palms against the ground, causing the water in the atmosphere to nearly become visible as she used the heat from the undying birds to boil it. She caught Kakashi's eye, as if she were telling him to be quick. He wasted no time, his body tearing through the air as the sound of birds filled her ears. The crackling was a sweet reprieve from the heat that was overcrowding her veins. She could feel it spread through her skin. The atmosphere was just as deadly as she continued to keep it over the proper temperature.

Mangetsu looked to realize that she made it incredibly unsafe for him to use his own Kekkei Genkai. The fire was licking through the air, and the water vapor was nearly visible with licks of flames. If he attempted to use any sort of water Jutsu, she would merely light the air on fire.

Kakashi bolted forward, his hand crackling with concentrated Chakra. Mangetsu smirked, holding up his fingers, as if to signal. Moments later, the woman Kakashi had attempted to save had warped in front of them, as if she teleported, holding Anomie in front. Kakashi barely had enough time to avoid impaling her, reminding him of Rin's wide gaze and his palm through her lungs.

He managed to hit the trees to the right instead, his Chakra already running low.

"How sweet," the unnamed woman whispered. She glanced down at Anomie, her lips curled in amusement. "Is he your new romantic interest? You traded down from my brother then?"

Anomie's face was blank, her lips cracked, but she still let out a sweet scoff. "Sorry, who are you? I have difficult time with my recollection since you have the memorability of a literal beetle."

The woman snarled, but Mangetsu held her back with a mere clear of his throat. "You interrupted a lover's quarrel before, but as you can see, Mikka and I are allies."

"Lovely," Anomie said in an unamused tone of voice. "Kakashi, we could have been doing something so much more tantalizing. Well," Anomie smirked, her lips curling as she pulled out her summoning scroll. "I'm sure we will have many other chances." She glanced towards him, giving up a soft smile that said so much but caused a strike of fear to echo throughout his chest. "And I promise that we will."

The world disappeared the moment she touched it. She needed power. Something more tangible and real, that way she didn't weigh him down and get him killed. However, with the Ho'ou, there always seemed to be a price for power. There always seemed to be some kind of area that made everything so hard. Still, she needed it.

As it was, she would get everyone killed.

"Child of Smoke," the Great Fire Bird stared her down, she never liked doing so, but she bowed. She could draw from the bird's power at will, but as if the supply was jammed in the pipes, she never got it all. "So you've come."

"I need more."

"You have nothing more I desire," The Great Fire Bird said, causing her head to lower to the ground. Its power didn't feel like a summoning creature, for she had been around summons like Tsukasa's great lion or Kakashi's canine. No, something about the Ho'ou always felt too ancient like a demon or even a God.

Anomie finally lifted her head up. She suspected the only reason these birds didn't burn her on a pyre was because of that contract. They fed off years and life and choices that could never be made. In her thirsty pursuit of power, she had given up so much of her body to them. That was irreversible, but it wouldn't do her any good to regret every little thing that she did. She couldn't live like that and she didn't want to try.

"Anything in this world, I can get you. I'm ambitious enough to try and stubborn enough to be relentless. All I ask is that you serve me. Serve me right. Do as I request and I'll give you whatever you want. The world. The lives. Give me your power. Let me use it."

The silence was deafening.

" **As you wish**."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (桃色薔薇) Momoirobara Pink Rose Trust/Happiness/Confidence


	55. Panjī

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR  
____________  
–•–

**WHEN ANOMIE HAD BEEN SIX, SHE SAW HER FIRST FIRE BE LIT WITH THAT OF A** powerful Jutsu. She sat by those flames, watching them eat the kindling and the wood until each aspect of that fire turned into ash. She knew, even back then, that she loved the look and feel of it. Fire and heat. It lit a passion in her heart when she opened her eyes. Maybe she just loved the color of red. The flares trickled past her fingers and seared her skin a slight sheen of red. Sage mode wasn't easy to keep up, and if Mangetsu wasn't such a condescending piece of shit, he might have actually managed to stop it from full fruition.

If not for the red tint of feathers that covered her skin like scales, perhaps this might have been difficult. Her new power was overflowing and raw, and mostly that was what hurt her. The Chakra flooding her veins and the harrowing press of its power was too intense.

**"** ** _You can only keep it up for five minutes with your current power level."_**

The great bird had told her so, and now that she felt it, she knew her life would be in danger if she tried to withstand it any longer. She glanced towards Kakashi, who had taken a step forward. "It's okay." She assured him, taking a step forward. However, she wasn't used to her speed and before she could control it, she had appeared in front of Mangetsu who struck her with his blade. She tilted her head, wondering if he was always so _slow_ and with that thought, she caught his blade. Her power was still in flux, so it began to grow red hot under her touch.

Mangetsu jumped back, his anger palpable as Mikka went to attack her. Kakashi was too fast, and before she could, he had kicked her into the trees. "Anomie, what is that?"

_"What happens if I go over five minutes?"_

Anomie had asked the Great Fire Bird, and she could feel that what he told her had to be true. She felt it in her bones.

**_"You will turn to stone."_**

" _Wonderful_." Every power came with some type of cost. She knew that one day she would have to pay it, but that day could not be now. If she were to die, she would rather Kakashi were not here to see it. She wanted to be strong. She was so sick of needing to be protected and worrying him, running into his arms like some weak skank who was poisoned or bleeding.

She couldn't fight next to him like that. She couldn't be weak and bleeding and she had to stop being so stupid.

"I've got this," Anomie said, glancing towards Kakashi with a shake of her head. "You take the nobody."

"Nobody?" Mikka let out a frown, showing that Anomie's words had frustrated her to no end. Anomie didn't particularly care.

"Mikka," Mangetsu's voice was spoken in warning, and finally, Mikka took a hard look at the girl she so desperately wanted to kill.

Anomie's eyes were narrow, nearly bored as if the clock was barely ticking. Her Chakra was blazingly hot, and she finally took a glance at Mangetsu's eyes and gave him a mocking, nearly teasing, bow. She flipped forward, her legs moving gracefully to kick towards Mangetsu. He narrowly blocked her assault with his blade, using it to defend against the torrent of brute power that filter through the air they breathed.

As she looked at her leg, smashing against Mangetsu's blade, she wondered if it would make a bruise for later that she could not feel now. She couldn't stop though, and the way Mangetsu was looking at her, as if he were excited for the fight, might have unnerved her if she wasn't so _goddamn_ high.

In her head she was counting, since it would be very embarrassing is she did something as stupid as to turn into stone. Sure, she'd make a hot statue, but she'd rather be hot and breathing. She ducked under his blade, already hearing Kakashi's battle, but it didn't bother her. She was thirsty, and the longer the seconds dragged on, she felt the moisture from her skin began to dissipate. Her throat was sore, parched, and craving.

"A good battle," Mangetsu said with a grin, and Anomie's eyes widened when his speed suddenly tripled. His blades then looked sharper as he finally grabbed the blade on his back, the one bandaged and looking insidious.

Once his fingers gripped the hilt, the power that flooded through his was nearly overpowering. His grin turned sharper and the bandages fell away to reveal a wide but not very long blade. She raised her hands, motioning to make a Jutsu, but he was too fast and her reflexes weren't at optimal since he had torn a stash through her shoulder.

_Four more minutes._

She had to kill the Great Swordsman of the Mist in four minutes.

He lunged forward, quickly sprinting towards her and coming closer and closer. His speed was impressive and in between her blinks, he was then jabbing out his sword in attempt to stab her, but reflex kicked in and she ducked forward swiping forward with a slice of fire that spread from her fingertips. Mangetsu noticed this at the last second and only got away with a small, burning mark along his thigh. He sprinted at her again, but this time she managed to raise her hands above, catching him by the wrists moments before the blade's sharp edge could slice through her head in a fine cleave. The smell of the bandages around his wrists slowly burning went through her nostrils in a pleasant aroma that reminded her just how badly she needed to control how much heat her body emitted. The weight of his sword was dragging her strength down, but she soon recovered and pushed back hard. He was very strong, but once Anomie's hands began to burn through his skin, he jumped back and dashed forward with his sword straight out in front of him.

He was faster than Anomie could have ever guessed, and seconds felt slower when their speed continued to overpower her body. She barely dodged his blade, but she couldn't dodge his fingers digging into her hair, gripping her neck, and slamming her face right onto his knee.

She grabbed a kunai, flooding it with her Chakra and using it to dodge his attack. He definitely gave her no time to use a summoning or think about her next couple moves. Unlucky for him, her intelligence wasn't on par with strategy. She doubted there was often a time where she really _thought_ about anything in a fight.

She swiped left, right, _his speed is better than mine_. That was enough. Her fists were explosive, and the power of the Ho'ou might have been overwhelming if she had a moment to pause or reflect on just how much was going through her veins.

_Three more minutes._

He picked up speed, and by now they were clashing against each other with enough force to rattle the trees as her body began to feel the weight of the Chakra that was devouring her skin.

Kakashi was distracted, and perhaps that was dangerous, but it didn't matter how much he told himself to _fucking focus_ , especially since this 'Mikka' was not a fool on her attacks. He'd even go as far as to say she was on par with Gai when it came to Taijutsu. More than that, she took it serious to the point of OCD perfection.

"I'm going to kill you quickly," Mikka snarled. Mikka was losing control, seeing her only ally up against the one person in the entire world that Mikka wanted to rip in half. It was making her _crazy_ and her face burned. An animal snarl clawed its way up her throat as if she were going to spit venom. She lunged, swinging and missing and swinging again. She lunged, more animal than person, slamming Kakashi into the trees. Once his back was against the bark, a cough lodged into his throat from the pain, she lunged again. Then she was burying punches, over and over again.

_Two more minutes._

The clock was chiming, and that was when she saw, from the corner of her eyes, that Kakashi was losing the battle with the screaming bitch named Mikka. Her heart was numb, but that moment's hesitation as she glanced his way was enough for Mangetsu to take the advantage and swipe his blade towards her neck. He went for a clean chop, but her blood was boiling and her body moved too fast. She moved away, but his palm gripped her neck, slamming her back onto the ground and creating a crater into the dirt.

It distracted Kakashi enough to slam his head into hers, kicking her back and taking off his gloves. "Can you try harder? Pretty sure you're not being very quick." Kakashi took a page from Anomie's book of never ending taunts since Mikka seemed like an overly emotional sort and emotions hindered a fight. After all, that was why he had such a hard time with the beginning of this one since he sensed something dark in whatever Chakra Anomie was tapping into him. It felt like death, and Kakashi had no desire to see that cloud whatever good was still in her heart.

Mikka jumped forward, but Kakashi swiped left, moving his hands in a quick Jutsu that copied his opponents. She noticed immediately that he copied from the moment his hands began to work her seals with his Sharingan. She expected his copycat technique, however, she did not expect him to be _faster_ at her own Jutsu. Lightning release Chakra covered his body, causing him to wonder how unlucky Mikka could be to try a Jutsu in front of him that he could easily make stronger with his own lightning release attack.

Kakashi, being the prodigy that he was, followed her movements faster, kneading the Chakra in his stomach and converting into water. He didn't hesitate to expel it in the shape of a dragon, just as Mikka was about to do. However, he had talents outside of water, and he took advantage of the highly conductive nature of water. He embedded the water dragon with lightning-natured Chakra.

He tried to fight his own urge to check on Anomie's fight, but couldn't resist when his attack slammed into and decimated Mikka's water dragon, attacking her and dulling her movements and numbing her body.

Mangetsu thought it was unfortunate that his partner had to be such a hot headed girl instead of the level headed kid he met mourning her brother. He didn't expect to care, but the moment her fight caught his attention, that split second, Anomie didn't hesitate to exploit it.

"Have you ever touched fire?" Anomie asked, rubbing her fingertips along the back of his hand and breathing him into her lungs as if the fact that he was made of water would quench how immensely dehydrated she was.

_One more minute._

She could hear the chime of a clock that didn't exist, making an echo in her skull as her skin caught fire. Mangetsu tried to let her go, but her palms, clammy but firm, gripped his shoulders and brought him closer to her chest.

"Burn with me." He tried to turn into water, but her body was flaring up with the last of the Ho'ou's juice and the sweat from his brow had dried as his face got clammy and red, but slowly the flesh itself began to melt from his bones, exposing muscle and red and red and more red until the burning smell was nearly too hard to bare.

"Mangetsu!" Mikka's voice was annoyingly shrill as she attempted to move her body as she willed, and Anomie didn't care.

Maybe it was the Ho'ou, maybe not, but something about the sight of a burning body felt oddly pure. She let him go, watching him wreath in pain, his hand twitching against the grass as her timer clicked away and finally paused. She let the Ho'ou's power depart, her body kneeling down to Mangetsu's slowly dying corpse.

"Do you feel that, Mangetsu?" Anomie's lips spread into a sadistic smile as she leaned close to his ear so he could hear her before he died. "That is me possessing you."

The great swordsman of the Mist was dead and Mikka let out a scream that could shatter solid steel. Anomie was too weak to stop her from swarming her, but her distraction was all Kakashi needed to rush at her with finishing blow, but she was filled with so much rage that she likely didn't notice when the lightning began to devour the air with crinkling noise.

With a speed that was unparalleled, Mangetsu's corpse was in front of her, with her holding up the charred body for Kakashi's Jutsu to cut through. It was broken and gooey, and Anomie winced. Her legs were weak as Mikka held up the corpse before dropping it against Kakashi.

"This is what she does. Have you ever seen a more brutal murder?" Mikka asked, and her voice was shaking from using the transportation Jutsu on Mangetsu. "If you can stand to fight alongside a monster, then you must also be a monster." Mikka turned her head to Anomie, her eyes bright with murder. "I will have my revenge for everything you took from me."

"I don't even know who you are," Anomie said, attempting to stand despite the fact that her Chakra was depleted. Still, she couldn't have the enemy know that, then she will think she had a chance at beating them one versus two.

"In time, I will make you remember," she promised, sparing one last glance at Mangetsu's body, red and decayed, before she disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Kakashi slowly pried his hand from Mangetsu's chest cavity, lying the body against the grass as if that ninja had not attempted to kill the lot of them. Anomie watched him, watched how his shoulders remained tense and his back stiff, watched as he just stared at the body.

The red skin, wrinkled from the fires, and the exposed internal organs on his gut was not Anomie's best work, but not her worst. Her lips twitched slightly, staring at the man who was so sure she was an insignificant and weak child, but her gaze emptied when she noticed that Kakashi still had not moved. She pressed her fingers against his shoulder, as if to remind him she was still there, but he flinched away from her touch.

"We should go," she whispered, dropping her hand. She doubted she could walk long, but she had just enough Chakra to open up her scroll and place a small amount of Chakra for a feather to float from the scroll. She watched it sway in the wind, but slowly and truly it carried over to the body of Mangetsu and turned what was left into cinders once the feather touched the surface.

Anomie closed her scroll, shoving it right back into the sealing mark in her chest in between her breasts.

Her pulse still hadn't slowed and she slumped against the ground in the next moment. Kakashi still had barely moved, but he was by her side the next moment, taking out a sealing scroll and activating it to bring out a skin of water. For a moment, a single brief instance, he hesitated before placing his hand against the back of her head, guiding her lips to the water.

It reminded her, albeit briefly, of when they first met and he had done something similar. Her hands twitched, gripping the leather skin in between her palms and quenching the vast thirst that had settled over her body. He sat back, his eyes still not meeting hers.

Anomie wasn't good with empathy, so she didn't say anything. In their relationship, the one with all the pretty words was never her. She grabbed the second skin of water, briefly wondering if this would be how it was after every instance she used that much of the Ho'ou's power.

"We have to go," she said, standing up and walking past him. Her lips were dry, her hair was a mess, and she was fairly certain that if they didn't find any sort of creek, she'd sooner spend the next hour as smoke.

"You need to rest," he urged, but Anomie wasn't having it when she smelled like a grilled fish.

"What I need is a bath," she said, leaning her weight slightly against the tree. Kakashi usually was more or less unaware of personal space when she was weakened, sometimes suffocating her with how much he cared.

He didn't touch her.

He sighed, stood up straight, and pulled out his map. "If we go west, we will run into Deadman's Spring."

"That spring is filled with sulfur," Anomie immediately shot back.

"I'm not sure what you want from me," Kakashi retorted, and Anomie scoffed before a violent cough overcame her and by the time she was finished, she expected blood to be resting in her palm. Instead, she got ash, dry as charcoal and just as disgusting. She squeezed her fingers into fists and grabbed the water skin that he offered out to her. She practically chugged it as she continued to walk in the direction of Deadman's Spring.

The walk was rather awkward, and Anomie and Kakashi didn't speak. More than that, she saw the disgust in his eyes when he looked at Mangetsu's body. That was why she burned it to cinders with the hope that once it was gone, everything will be back to normal.

Of course, that wasn't what happened.

Anomie saw the outline of the creek, and she rushed forward, almost unable to smell the rotten egg like pungency of the water. She hardly cared since she was covered in ash, her skin was dry, and she was fairly certain that sweat was not a good look for her developing body.

She peeled off her clothes without a second thought, turning her head to see if Kakashi was still behind her. He was leaning against a tree, his head against the bark and his eye shut. Her brows furrowed, but she immediately closed her mouth after a few seconds of opening it when she realized that he didn't want to make any conversation.

The water was cold, and it didn't help that it smelled like anus, but it would have to do. Anomie let down her hair, feeling it fall over her shoulders and circle around her hips as she sunk deeper and deeper into the water. Her skin had already developed bumps, but she pressed on. Once the water reached her naval, she ran her fingers up her left arm, counting up the seals before stopping at one just below her elbow. She activated it, allowing a small bag to appear in her palm. She grabbed a small vial of shampoo, realizing she did everything backwards. She walked back to the shore, placing the bag on the grass and dipping her hair into the water.

It took a small amount of time, mostly since she was freezing, but she exited the waters naked and without a care. She walked to Kakashi, who was likely feigning sleep.

"You're sleeping when I'm here naked and cold?" Anomie asked and his shoulders tensed, but he still didn't open his eyes.

He didn't answer, and slowly she sunk down next to him, activating a seal on her wrist and clothing herself with a thick skintight attire that was more suited to the chill.

"Kakashi?" She placed her palm against his cheek and instinctively he leaned into her touch. "Why can't you look at me?"

"If you have to ask," he said, pulling away from her and standing up. The action was, or should have been, surprising, but Anomie was perhaps the most apathetic woman he had ever met, so she wasn't surprised. "Then perhaps you are as ignorant as you are cruel."

"Ignorant?" Anomie repeated his words as if she couldn't fully understand them.

"Mangetsu, he was an enemy, but even enemies...when you're done with them, they shouldn't look like that," Kakashi said, and her brows furrowed.

"The end result is the same. Who cares what he looked like?"

"It was cruel. It was disgusting. It is not how anyone should die."

"Need I remind you that he attacked us? Need I remind you that he was an enemy? _Need I remind you_ that he was a monster just like me."

"I shouldn't have to explain this," he said, and her eyes slightly narrowed. "I shouldn't have to force you to see reason every time you are _wrong_."

When she murdered the Uchiha, she went through what she suspected was grief and even trauma. However, it faded. Now, she could probably do it all over again and it wouldn't make her feel anything. That was why she liked Kakashi. Something about his presence made her feel those simple things that came so easily to everybody else.

This wasn't one of those times.

"See what?" Anomie said, finally standing up to match his stance.

"It was unnecessary. Nobody defeats an enemy with the purpose of defense, only to leave them like that. You did that because you liked it."

Anomie tilted her head to the side, lips pursed, before she finally scoffed. "Let's get one thing perfectly clear, Hatake." Her use of his last name made his lips curl down, displaying the sheer disdain for the unfamiliar form of address. "This is about you. You are ashamed of my actions, but don't pretend you are surprised to know how I deal with enemies. Don't _pretend_ like I have not be forthcoming with who I am, as if there were no clues as to how I treat my opponents."

Kakashi's jaw was clenched, and she was just as enraged. "Knowing and seeing first hand is different. Yes I'm ashamed. After everything, I thought that you were..."

"Changing?" Anomie rubbed her temples, her eyes squeezed shut before she leaned her body back against the tree. "I told you what I was."

"I know that. I thought I could...forget about it. I thought I could still find a way to _work_ with you. Even knowing all that, I thought maybe you were not..." The emotion in his voice effectively silenced her. Her lips pursed and opened, as if she wanted to talk but only hot air escaped those lips. There was something haunting about his words, and it did manage, for a moment, to make her heart clench tightly in her chest. "But I can't. Anomie, after all this, I need to think. Right now...I need to think."

She didn't understand, or maybe she did but she was too tired and drained to pick a fight. She let the silence linger until she dared not break it. She had no words. None that would fix what she couldn't understand. She leaned back into the tree, letting that smell of the sulfurous creek lull her into her dreaded nightmares.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

"Is this posh or what?" Anomie said, laying her back against the bed. Kakashi rolled his eyes, already hearing the sarcasm in her voice. She couldn't hide it even if that was what she wanted. She could feel the springs through the mattress, and the material was ripped in such a way that it matched the run down walls around them. Still, it beat sleeping on the floor.

"Don't be so noble, this cabin is uninhabited," she assured him, and he glanced at her from in between the brooding silence he had fallen into since the night before. His eyes lingered for a moment on her face before they darted out the window into the darkness of the forest where the rain pounded against the slightly broken glass.

Likely if it got any harder, the window just might crack completely.

"How would you know that?" Kakashi asked, and she slightly smiled, happy that he was finally talking to her.

 _Likely because I killed them last time I came through these parts._ Anomie wasn't about to explain that, however, since she doubted he would understand. She wasn't sure she understood either.

"All the dust," she offered instead, reaching over to her bag that she had released from her seal a few minutes prior. She pulled out a bottle of gin, giving it a shake. "Don't tell me you're going to make me drink alone."

Kakashi's gaze was expressionless, but it was hard to tell with the dimly lit room and the fact that his body was tense and his mask had been drawn. "This isn't a vacation, Anomie."

"Kakashi," she said, slightly smiling. "You wouldn't know what a vacation was even if I smashed this bottle right over your head."

"Do whatever you want. I'll set traps around the perimeter," Kakashi said, glancing away from her and walking quickly to the exit. She didn't appreciate his obvious brush off, but she also couldn't judge him for it.

She continued to take long sips from her bottle of gin, tossing off her shoes and pressing her feet against the ground since the springs of the mattress were not nearly as comfortable as she remembered when she first killed the inhabitants of the cottage for a nice bed. She ran her finger over the dust that settled on the table in a thick layer, wondering if she could catch something from being in such proximity to so much dirt when she only recently bathed.

Kakashi was avoiding her, making their 'vacation' all the more uncomfortable. More than that, she wasn't suited to partnerships with people's whose opinions actually mattered to her, thus, she was stuck waiting for him to come back and hoping she was drunk by the time he did.

She wasn't certain how long she laid there, lost in the shapes of the ceiling. Her eyes dropped low, but she couldn't sleep. Sleep required a state of comfortability and relaxation that she currently did not exhibit.

She wasn't, however, expecting the next fit of coughing to wrack her body. It started out soft, and she nearly thought she swallowed her gin wrong, but she quickly realized, from the breathless feeling she got from her weakened lungs, that of course this was a side effect that alerted her to her over use of power. She rolled off the bed, her knees landing on the wood floor as she felt her chest burn as if it were on fire. Her throat felt raw as she heaved, her eyes squeezed closed and her palms fisting the wood beneath her. It was a fitting pain considering she butchered the people of this house to have a bed for the night and she was too socially exhausted to just ask.

By the time she opened her eyes, beneath her she saw red ash, illuminated as if it were still burning inside her chest. "What the fuck?" Anomie rasped out, as if someone could answer her with something she didn't already know. The Ho'ou had definitely been vague about the side effects, but she didn't much care so long as she lived.

"You're probably not going to explain, but I'll ask anyway. What is that?" Kakashi said, leaning against the wood, still careful not to touch her or even close the distance between them as he usually would.

"PMS," Anomie answered, running her palm over the red ash, smearing it back into its normal blackness once the heat finally went out.

"You're predictable," he said with a deep sigh, placing another skin of water down near her kneeled over position. Before he could remove his arm away from her, she grabbed him by the wrist. She felt the moisture from the rain on his sleeve, and it felt refreshing against her skin that was burning.

"I killed someone for this summon," she told him, her eyes deep and connected onto his. He didn't trust her, she understood that. She was reluctant to help him trust her since he was safer if he remained at a distance. She was unpredictable and she wasn't exactly without history of self-preservation, selfishness, and betrayal.

"Not surprising," he told her, finally meeting her gaze. "Did you burn him alive too?"

Anomie would have felt better if she had. When she took this summoning scroll, she had decimated its owner and his friends, took Karin Uzumaki and gave the little nuisance to Orochimaru's clutches. That was just who she was, but she had never realized how delicious it was to see somebody burn alive. She closed off that thought, and she hid it behind walls in her mind.

"I slit his throat." Anomie didn't sugar coat it, since Kakashi would know.

"Why are you telling me this?" Kakashi had a way of making it seem like he was a saint who never killed anybody, but she had seen first hand that he had killed many. He didn't take pleasure from it like Anomie had, but hating murder would not bring someone back from the dead.

"Because it's who I am." She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling light headed and still immensely dehydrated. The gin hadn't helped a smudge but it kept her from saying such things sober.

"You don't seem to care or value human life. That's what bothers me. That's why it's hard to look at you right now," Kakashi admitted with a sigh.

"I don't," Anomie agreed, and this could have been because she had never been taught to value it. This could have been because she had never been valued. This could have been because she was missing pieces to make herself a full and functional person who wasn't about to spend her week coughing up ash and blood.

Kakashi looked disappointed in her admitted response, but at least relieved that she hadn't lied.

"But I do care about your life," she said, grabbing the skin of water and taking a long drink. It felt cool down her throat, and it relieved the fact that her throat felt like it was on _fucking fire._ "I got this power for you." _But mostly for me._ "I did all this to be better for you."

Kakashi didn't say anything and for a long while, just looking into her eyes was just as painful as when he wouldn't talk to her. It made the last couple days more than a little awkward, but she understood that he needed his space. Spending everyday with one another wasn't as she had pictured. She had expected to grow tired of him. She had expected him to get annoying and self-righteous and be obviously everything she was not.

He didn't. Instead, she was doing everything in her power to impress him. She just wanted to hear his voice up against her ear and all the sweet nothings he would mutter into her hair. He was good with words, an odd fact since she doubted he had any practice around girls. Prodigies were truly no joke.

"Did it bother you that much? That nobody bitch calling you a monster?" Anomie asked because she needed to know. She wanted to know what he was thinking because she didn't understand how people feel. She could pretend she did, but on the nuts and bolts of her heart, empathy flew over her head.

"I don't care what people have to say or think about me," he said with a deep sigh. He sat against the dusty hardwood floor, leaning his back against the likely unstable wall. "The problem, Anomie, was in that moment I felt like a monster."

She had nothing to say about that, and her throat was too sore to make out words. He reached over, his bare fingers sliding over her skin, along her jaw and drawing her closer and closer until his lips brushed against her forehead and lingered for a long while against her skin.

His fingers were embedded in her hair and up against her head, pushing her closer. She pulled back, her eyes wide as she met his gaze. "So what?"

She only just got him back. She wasn't going to lose him now that she knew she wanted him. He was hers.

"Be a monster with me. Just _be_ with me," she whispered, pulling him closer. Her knees were digging into the splintered wood, likely to be painful had she not been finally wearing pants. "You make me better. I do good things when you are next to me."

"Do I?" Kakashi was unsure, he was doubting her and she wouldn't let him over a sack of shit like Mangetsu. "I haven't seen it."

Her face went cold. "I saw Rin." Her admittance made her heart go cold because she didn't like talking about Rin. She didn't like thinking about Rin. She didn't like his face when he heard her name. "Orochimaru brought her back to put me in the state you found me in."

She was gripping onto the hem of her top, wondering if her nails had already cut through the fabric of her gloves from her shaking palms. Kakashi didn't say anything, already knowing rarity of Anomie sharing anything.

"I thought if I found something he wanted, he could give her back to me." Anomie glanced up, taking in the way his beautiful face was illuminated in the shine of the setting sun. She reached forward, placing his face in between her palms. "I would have done it. Given him the very power to control a demon just to see her again. I didn't." She pulled him forward, so he could see her, really see her. "I didn't because of you. I didn't because you would have warned me against it. I didn't because you live in and love the village Orochimaru would have burned. I did not do it _because_ I love you."

She had never said those words and meant them, _really meant them,_ since long before her mother. "No. You don't." Kakashi's reply made her lips thin, since it was exactly what she said to him all those years back when he first told her he loved her.

"Were you just waiting all these years to say that? I was being serious and you're teasin-"

He reaches forward, pulling her lips to his. She inhaled his breath, squeezing his slightly damp hair in between her fingers. She dragged her palms up, scratching her nails into his scalp as his hands gripped her waist. She knocked his headband off with a smirk.

He flinched when she ran her fingers along the scar over his eye while he still closed it to hide Obito's Sharingan.

"It's beautiful. A mix of Obito's love and Rin's devotion, all in your face," she said, not warning him when she leaned up, pressing the rest of her small weight against him in order to press her lips against his closed eye. "It's a gift, not a curse."

His head leaned into her lips, his body freezing when he felt them run over his jaw and stop right as his lips. "Can't it be both?"

"Not to me," she whispered, finally running her fingers up his shirt and along his spine. It was innocent of a touch, except for her eyes.

"You are a plague of a girl," he whispered back.

"Side effects include no clothes." Anomie had a cheeky smile, and it melted his resolve until it was a puddle.

"You're funny," he whispered.

"You are beautiful," she commented, her lips curling as he smiled, showing off the slight dimples in his cheeks.

She couldn't take it for another moment. She moved forward, not hesitating to breath him in as if she were consuming him. He let her, he always let her even when she knew that he shouldn't. His hands snake around her waist, towards her hand where the bottle of gin was still in a secure lock. He grabbed it easily and tossed it in the wall behind him. It shattered into pieces against the ground, forcing her to break apart with pursed lips.

"Seriously?" Anomie said, but her words died at the look in his eyes. The intensity of desire was not something she was unfamiliar with, but it was rare for her to reciprocate it so greatly. "Immature."

He reached down and captured her lips again, his hands spreading through her hair as hers were shaky as she tried to undo his flak jacket. There was never a perfect time for them, so amidst the chaos, they managed to force one in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> パンジー pansies represent the thoughts of lovers, shared before a word is spoken. In France, the pansy was said to be a charmed flower, possessing telepathic magic. Attending to the plucked bloom, you could hear your lover's thoughts.


	56. Kuremachisu

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE   
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**ANOMIE FELT AS IF SHE WERE DROWNING IN AN UNFORGIVING OCEAN.** Just when she thought she caught her breath, he kissed her again and the water rushed into her nose and her eyes burned as she tried to breathe. His hands gripped her shoulders, sliding down her arms as her pulse raged so hard she nearly thought she was dying—and she had nearly died many times so knew the familiar tingle. She could feel him draw in a breath when her fingers ran through his hair and gripped.

It was softer than hers. How was that even possible? She highly doubted he did anything to it and meanwhile she bathed hers in serums and expensive conditioners. The smooth feeling of his skin left her breathless and the pelting rain created the conundrum of whether this moment was too special to be aggressive and tear his clothes from his body.

Her back slammed against the creaking bed, his knee resting in between her legs and her hair loosely sprawled over the bed sheets. How he managed to look so composed when she was going crazy with desire was a flip from what she was used to and she was unprepared. _Was this what love was?_ She hardly knew how she could ever live without him. In that moment, beneath the weight of his eyes and the crash of his kiss, she was doomed with desire.

Kakashi stared down at her through deeply hooded lashes, his fingers making trails over her neck. She shuddered at his touch, wondering if she could ever go back to who she once was before she felt so warm. As if he couldn't contain it any longer, his lips ran over her neck and she racked her nails over his back, feeling her own arch as his legs trapped her underneath him.

His lips brushing against her neck gave way that he wasn't as confident as he seemed. He was unsure, kissing over the base of her throat, his hands running over her waist. She closed her eyes, but that was a mistake when his form disappeared and was replaced with Tamaki Dairo's forceful tongue. She shuddered again, and Kakashi pulled away almost immediately. She was ashamed that he could read her body even better than she could read her own.

"Don't stop," she whispered, watching him hesitate. She pulled him closer, her grip too rough, but Kakashi didn't mind. _I can be better than this._

She didn't close her eyes again, as if she were afraid she'd forget who was on top of her. He traced her jaw, his expression drowning her again. She wanted to be with him in the moment, but it was all too familiar. The creaky bed, the smell of rain, the scent of desire, the fact that she loved him. She had loved Dairo too, and love was what ruined her life.

Kakashi was not Dairo and she would best this.

"Tell me to stop," he whispered, his voice hoarse, and her eyes began to water. His grip on her waist tightened.

She shook her head. She was better than the fear of a six year old. She was better than this. She could feel him tremor from beneath her touch, she could feel his pulse race, and his heart beat when she ran her fingers up his shirt and over his heart. She flipped them over so she could be on top because Dairo never let her escape from beneath him.

"Tell me you would never force me," she whispered, and his wide eyes running up and down her face as if she would melt if he touched her too long.

His lips quirked, as if she had said something funny, but his eyes remained so serious and honest and kind. "When are you going to see that no one could force you do to anything anymore? And even if I could, I would never try."

A sliver of revulsion came down her spine despite her best efforts to quell it as he touched her. "I'm sorry."

"Can you tell me about it?" Kakashi said, and she rested her head in his chest, feeling the serendipity of his embrace, even if the obvious torture she was putting him through was digging into her thigh.

"Will you still love me after?" Anomie hadn't meant to ask, but the words slipped through her defenses.

"Nothing would ever take that away."

Her eyes were burning, and the words caught in her throat, but she gripped his chin, light and true, and she pressed her lips against his. It sent the butterflies fluttering in her stomach, and she immersed herself in the feelings before she could taint them with her words. The shame filled her stomach at the thought. She was ashamed to share anything.

"Do you want to know when I started to fall in love with you?" Kakashi asked, distracting her for a moment and forcing her gaze to meet his eyes. She slightly smiled, loving the way his gaze met her awaiting stare.

"I always assumed people have a love at first sight with me," she mused, and he chuckled.

"Nah. When I first saw you, you looked like an ashtray and smelled worse than that." Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut as she laid down next to him so they were shoulder to shoulder, backs to the bed.

She let out a laugh, punching his shoulder with a light tap. "Please. You know you would tap this maple tree if I were rotting and broken."

"You should be a poet," he said with a smirk to which she offered a wink in reply.

"It's on my bucket list."

"Regardless." He turned on his side so he could lean on his elbow and just look at her. He absorbed the smooth curvature of her jaw, the way her bones were so perfectly shaped into a sharp edge that he could run his fingers along and never get bored with the trace of them. He took at the way her lips spread into a pout, slightly parted as if she were thinking about something important. Kakashi suspected most of her thoughts revolved around herself. "I started to fall in love with you that first night when you took a guess on why I wore my mask."

Anomie licked her lips, and he felt himself smile at the memory. He still remembered the crescent moon, the smell of ramen in the air, and the bouquet and vanilla scent of Anomie's perfume. Anomie, however, had to scour her memory for the night amongst the stars. It had been chilly that night and Anomie had left the house to get away from Obito making moon eyes at Rin. It was back when they had to stay with the boy and his grandmother when Rin single handedly destroyed their kitchen.

She wondered, albeit briefly, if said grandmother Uchiha was still alive. Anomie had always been a self absorbed sort, and she never even visited after Obito's death to check in and offer condolences. After a year, going back seemed all the more unappealing. Now, years later, there was no chance.

"I asked if you had buck teeth useful for consumption of large nuts." Anomie remembered, and Kakashi laughed. She loved his laugh. She didn't get to see it often since she felt she never made him laugh anymore.

"You were making fun of me," he said, the softness in his eyes was as warm as any blanket.

"You were a loner, but a hot one. I was genuinely curious." Anomie remembered his soft features back then, so boyish and rather innocent. She could understand why Rin's eyes followed him every time he entered the room. Unfortunately, her eyes had always been closed to everybody and her heart was just as locked.

"I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen," he said to her. "But you were also kind. The way you looked after Rin. And you were never afraid to speak your mind, even if it hurt others."

"So you liked that I hurt others?" Anomie was smiling, her hair spread over the lumpy bed as her heart clenched.

"I liked how you weren't afraid to be who you were. I liked your confidence, even if sometimes it bordered on narcissistic."

"Backhanded compliment, but I'll take it."

"I fell in love with you that day when you comforted Rin after her mother died." He ran his fingertips over Anomie's arms, over her skin, over the dip of her breasts. "You were so stubborn, stepping over the mess that Rin made and making food to sustain her even though your feet were covered in bandages and bleeding."

"You tried to cook to help me." Anomie did remember. She remembered that despite the tragedy of the day, Anomie was still happier back then than she ever was now. "Rin loved you," Anomie said, her lips curling. "And I hated you for it."

He squeezed his eyes shut. "I know. Cruel irony. Still, that night you were injured in the attack by the tailed beast...I thought you were dead. It was like the lights went out and I was alone. So when I found out you were alive, I went to you. Everyday. Your face was so peaceful and smooth and you were quiet so I could finally hear my own thoughts. And I..." Kakashi finally opened his eyes, staring at her with such an unguarded expression for someone who always had his armor on. "I wanted you. More than I've ever wanted anyone."

"You have such pretty words," Anomie whispered with a smile, but the heat had returned to her chest. "It's funny. I studied poetry all over the world, and yet still I cannot utter it to you in kind."

"I don't want poetry, Anomie," he told her, and he looked over to her with a lazy smile. "Just you next to me is sufficient with my overweening ambition."

"Overweening you say?" Anomie felt the smile pull at her cheeks, and she realized that she was happy. They didn't have to touch just for her to feel his pull. He just had to look at her and she became undone. Still, no matter how she tried to pull free of the armor that surrounded her, she still hadn't managed to become as unguarded as he could with her. "I hope that one day you can share with me all the other imaginative ways you have thought about me next to you."

A heat, like that of a fervor, filled his gaze and her next words caught themselves in her throat. His fingers, that had been tracing circles along her wrist, let her go. He turned his eyes back to the ceiling and took a sigh as if expelling the tension that settled in his shoulders. She went silent too, because while she wanted to touch him, she knew she couldn't bare it.

"I didn't think I could ever make you happy." Anomie admitted this with reluctance.

"For a couple years in between, so did I," Kakashi gave her a light smile. "Do you remember that night when you fell asleep crying after Rin."

"Of course." Anomie would never forget. The candles she had lit had burned out before she could even stop.

"I carried you to bed, and I remember just looking down at you and wishing I could lie there with you."

"You did not want to lie with me," she said with a charming smile. "I'm almost certain my cheeks were covered in mascara and tears."

"You could be covered in warts. I'd still want you." Kakashi said this a bit too smoothly, causing Anomie to grin.

"Oozing warts?" Anomie asked with a raised brow, running her finger tips over his arm. His gaze followed her motion with an intense expression that made her knees weak.

"I don't care," he said, running his palm over her neck and towards her face. "I could be blind, I'd still look to you. I could have no hands, and still I'd want to touch you."

"And if I had no legs, I would crawl to you."

He smiled, leaning forward and resting his forehead against hers. "That's a bit excessive. Would I have to care for your every need if you had no legs."

Anomie considered this, "Would it be any different than if I did have legs?"

How he managed to be so hauntingly beautiful was astounding. "I suppose not."

"If you are willing to look at me blind and dumb-"

"I never said dumb."

Anomie smiled, "Just promise me that after I tell you everything, you won't change your mind."

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

When I was younger, I loved the river. I loved the feeling of the dirt and the mud in between my toes. The sun upon my back and my lips chapped, but moistened with fresh water down my throat. My mother was at the market, selling her produce so we could have enough to pay her debts. The market was dangerous she would whisper to me. Instead, she had me sit by the river and wait for her to fetch me.

In her absence, I had gotten good at catching fish from the shore. They would curl and glide downstream, and made it a challenge to grip them. Still, I always loved a challenge and four times a week at the river was more than enough time to hone my craft. I would pull my hair into a braid like my mom taught me, and my memory had always been fairly good at my age, so I never failed at braiding.

There were three fish in my line of sight that sunny day, and my hands had been fast to catch one when I heard the clapping from behind me. I turned my head, catching sight of a man with beautiful hazel eyes and hair in a tight brown pony tail. This man was twenty eight that sunny day. His smile was as warm as the sunshine and when my eyes met his, I remember holding out the fish.

"I got it!" I had said. My mom always told me to not make conversation with strangers, but I always had the hardest time listening to orders. That changed eventually, now orders ruled my life.

"That was impressive," he said to me and my dimples exposed genuine pride that I would eventually forget. I wasn't certain when the last time I had been proud of anything.

My grin spread from ear to ear as I wadded through the water. My kimono was soaked to my skin, but I was so unaware at that time what such a sight would cause a man to feel. Still, I made it to shore, my wet feet sinking in the mud and the fish flapping in my hands. His head was tilted to the side, his kind eyes overlooking me and resting on the fish.

"I taught myself," I said, and his smile was back in moments as I bent down to let the fish go free. 

"Why catch it if not for food?" He asked me this, and I recall now that such a thought never crossed my mind. I had detested blood and anytime my mom fed me meat, I would cry and my mom would pray with me so the animal we ate would find peace in another life.

"I don't have it in me to kill him," I answered honestly, finally taking in the man's appearance right down towards the sword on his side. My mom always said to be careful around men with weapons. His eyes were so kind and his smile was not one anyone had ever given me. I ignored the blades.

"You are a good kid." He bent down, meeting my eyes and his hand went to ruffle my hair. My dimples exposed once more with my smile.

"I hope my mom and I get reincarnated as animals," I admitted to him, and glanced down at my palms. "I want to be a bird. A great owl or an eagle."

"Why is that?" His question was met with my hands behind my back, my fingers locked around my wrist of my other arm. I pondered the question, my head tilted to the side.

"They can go anywhere," I decided as I glanced up toward the trees in the distance. "What sights you can see."

"Do you want to see the world?" He asked me, and my answer was instantaneous.

"More than anything!" I was excited to speak to him. My mom discouraged me from speaking to others. She discouraged me from a lot of things back then.

"What's your name?"

"Fuyu!" I was too excited to say my name, probably because I had just discovered how to write it only days prior. Just to show him I could write, I knelt down into the mud and traced my name with my finger.

**冬**

His lips quirked up once more. "Fuyu, huh. How fitting. Your hair is as white as snow. No surname?"

I tilted my head. "What's a surname?"

He let out a deep chuckle. "A family name." When he saw I still didn't understand, his lips quirked up again. "It's a name that follows every generation. You inherit it from your father."

"What's a father?"

He chuckled. "The opposite of a mother. It takes two to create you."

"Oh." I still didn't get it, but I smiled nonetheless. "I don't have that. Is that strange?"

"With the way the war progressed, it's actually quite common." He pressed his left pointer finger into the dirt, tracing out characters.

**第六環**

"This is my family name," he said, drawing a line under the 第六, which made me purse my lips as I went through the kanji my mother had taught me.

"Utsubaroku?"

"Not quite," he told me, correcting my mistake. In the dirt he drew my mistake.

**笂六**

Only now could I see that they weren't at all similar. "When paired together, Utsubaroku would be correct had the strokes been like so." He motioned to the bottom before comparing it to what he wrote. "You seem like a smart kid. Try again."

I stared at his name in the dirt, my attention drawn to the challenge he issued and the intricate strokes that were written so well. Slowly, I glanced back up at him. "Dairo Tamaki?"

He grinned. "You are a smart girl."

My smile only widened with the pride at his acknowledgment. "I practice so much!"

"I can see that." The man named Dairo paused, and I couldn't help but have my eyes drawn to the blades at his side. My mom, having nothing good to say about weapons, had always steered clear of men like this one. She spread stories and whispers and I would listen to each and every one.

However, listening and really hearing were two different thing. In those days, I had never been too good at the latter. Also, I couldn't help but notice that his hand had been so gentle when he ruffled my hair. Even my mom never touched it, always gazing off into the distance with a far off expression as if she were traveling somewhere I could never hope to reach.

I never would catch up to her. I knew that now.

Dairo Tamaki, however, he would wait for me and he always spoke to me like I was an equal. My mother would always talk down on me and bark orders and ask me to keep my hair hidden.

"Do you come to this river often?" He asked me, and I glanced up from the kanji of his name, submitting it to memory and sending him a giant smile.

"Yes. I love the water, Mr Dairo," I told him, rushing back to dip my dirty feet into the rippling river waves. My gata sandals were lying about the dirt, haphazardly tipped over one another in my haste to take them. "Mr Dairo." I knew my formalities at the very least. My mother always stressed the importance of addressing people right.

His eyes linger on the waves near my feet, his lips never departing that calming smile as he sat down on the bank and dug his palms into the patches of grass. The water was cold, but i never minded the cold and my eyes closed shut to feel the tadpoles swim around my thin ankles.

"Hm?" His voice was so calming, and it felt nice to talk to anyone at all. My mom would never allow it. She said people were dangerous. She said they all wanted different things. She said to be kind but never stupid.

"Where do these waters lead?" I asked with a smile, tilting my head to the side and letting my braid fall over my shoulder. The current was always strong and if I took a couple steps closer to the middle, I was likely to lose my footing and the banks would sweep me down the stream towards parts I had never seen.

"This river is connected to many different directions. Likely all leading to the Hanguri Gulf in the south."

I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. "Then that is where I want to go first."

He chuckled. "Why?"

I knelt down until the end of my kimono against my knees absorbed the waters. In between my fingers I saw small salmon attempt to rush down south. "I want to see where the fish work so hard to go."

That wasn't the only time I saw that man, but I dared not speak to my mother about him. She would never understand, and when she was mad, her cheeks grew so many shades darker than her hair. It was a sight to behold, and sometimes when I remember her voice now, even the yelling would sing like music in my eardrums.

"Did you sell lots?" I would ask her this each and every time she came back to fetch me. On her arm was a beautiful hand woven basket, and each time it would be filled to the brim with flowers. Each time she sold at the market, she would come back with so many coneflowers, pansies, and primroses. Each time they would be more beautiful than the last. She would pick them for me, place one in my hair, and tell me that " _there's no prettier flower in the garden than you."_

I realize now that she felt what had to be guilt for every day she couldn't be at my side. She didn't enjoy leaving me alone, but back then I always felt like I had been in her way. Perhaps I had.

"I sold a modest amount," she would tell me, and every time she would grab my hand and interlock her fingers through my own.

"I caught a salmon today," I told her as she escorted me through the thick trees, farther and farther way from the Hanguri gulf with every passing step. I never lied to my mom before, but my lips stayed squeezed shut and I didn't mention Dairo Tamaki, the passing wanderer I met that day. If I told her, my mother would only have more scoldings and I would not be allowed to sit by the river again.

"You let him go away then?" My mother always had an ear for heartfelt lectures that only now do I dearly miss.

_"Remember to come straight home, my little flower."_

Or...

_"I've asked you not to speak to strangers, Fuyu!"_

The problem was, strangers didn't usually like to speak to me. I was a no nothing kid with white hair and a frail body. Often they would believe that I would infect them with some sort of disease. I suppose back then, I was just lonely for some sort of company.

"I didn't want to kill him!" I defended myself that day, and some of my enemies would deny that _I_ could be so skittish to kill a single fish.

My mom, like always, would send me that gentle smile and bring my head closer to her side. She always had a warm presence, and I still remember the way her hands felt like when they smoothed through my hair.

"Mother," I said, focusing on the crunching underneath my feet as our paces were in sync to crush the fallen leaves of the trail. The forest was gigantic, and without her by my side I doubted I could find my way.

The trees would burn in a couple years, and I would be raped somewhere along this trail amongst the burning embers. However, for now, I remember the peace in my chaotic heart as my mother aided me past the giant roots that protruded from the ground.

"Hmm?" My mother turned her head, glancing down at me as I stared back towards the river.

"Do I have a surname?" I asked her that day, and she paused. Now that I look back on it, I could see how such a thing was painful to remember. Now that I have been in love, I understand the pain of losing that person.

"How do you know that word?" My mother asked instead, her tone clipped as she narrowed her eyes at me. I was sheepish when I stared down at my feet, already feeling the argument on the rise. I couldn't exactly tell her about the stranger by the riverbed. She wouldn't let me go there anymore and I didn't want to be alone again.

"I overheard someone's name." It wasn't out of the realm of consideration, and my mother glanced over to me, and I was still close to her hip.

To this day, I never got the answer and Nagisa remained Nagisa. As far as I knew now, my mother had no family. A nameless father and a sad mom. I knew now that she often cried, she would often bury her head into my white hair, as if she wanted to suffocate herself. She never did. She went back to sell produce the next day and left me by the river.

Tamaki Dairo didn't visit me that day, but I still waited. The next day was empty too. I caught some fish, my mom came back through the trees, and I felt like crying.

Now that I knew the words for each emotion, I could understand that I was lonely. I waited for a stranger just to get some kind of recognition. When he came on the fourth day, I tripped from the current.

"Mr. Dairo!" My mom taught me how to be polite, and I didn't want to scare him away. I realize now that it was weird she taught me my formalities only to ban me from speaking to anyone.

"Young Fuyu," he greeted, the smile on his face crinkled his eyes and I attempted to stand back up from my knelt form in the river. The excitement to talk to someone nearly had my knees shaking. Once again, my kimono was stuck to my body, and the water had undid my hair, and it fell just past my shoulders, not as long as my mom's who I often strived to imitate. "Aren't you freezing?"

"Yes!" I told him, wading through the water, disappointed that I lost my fish after I fell. It was a big one and I worked hard to grip it. "I love the cold."

As I approached the shore, he pat my head. His eyes so soft as he ran his fingers over my braid that was slowly becoming undone. He then proceeded to shed his red haori and place it over my shoulders. It draped over me like a blanket, much too big considering Dairo had been a rather buff man before I decapitated him some years later.

"It suits you. Red is your color," he told me, taking a step back.

_I agree._

My cheeks hurt from my smile. The cold had begun to seep into my bones, but his haori was so warm. "Thank you, Mr. Dairo!"

His haori was more than just soft. The quality of the material could be felt against my arms. My kimono was itchy, having been sown by my mom who wasn't the craftiest of women. It had holes and didn't last long with how I played. Still, I'd trade every silk kimono and vibrantly beautiful dress for the chance to wear her handmade clothes once more.

"You can call me Tamaki," he told me, taking a seat against the sand.

"I—I can't do that!" I defended profusely, my cheeks swelling with heat.

"You can call me whatever you like, little Fuyu," he told me, and his sweet smile enamored me. My mother always said that everyone that wasn't her, could also be an enemy. She warned me that all kindness had to be taken with a grain of salt. Now that I am older, I was curious to know what pains were buried in her past that warped her so greatly. I would never know. "But I would be overjoyed if you could call me by my first name."

"You won't get mad?" I asked him, and he shook his head. I tightened his haori around my shoulders. Slowly, I nodded my head and spoke the name of my future nightmares. "Okay. Tamaki."

"Why are you here so often anyway, Fuyu-chan?" Tamaki asked me and my lips pursed.

"My mom said the market is no place for me." I answered him too quickly, my displeasure obvious in my face. I understood it now. Women were at their best without their children at their sides. It was an anchor to responsibility and I wonder now if my mother resented me.

"Think of it as a blessing," he told me, breaking me from my disappointment. "The market is boring unless you have the money to spend."

"I have money!" I defended, my pout now apparent.

Tamaki looked amused, and I nodded my head. "Do you?"

"I have rya saved!" I defended, and by now he was grinning.

"You mean ryō?" Tamaki let out a small chuckle, and my face by now was enflamed with red. It was a mixture of rage and embarrassment. My skin was pale so I couldn't hide the way my ears were tinted with pink.

"Shut up!" I said, covering my face with my hands.

"What do you have ryō saved for?" Tamaki asked me this and I peeked at him through my fingers.

"I want to..." I mumbled the rest so low that he didn't understand me over the current.

"Eh?" He cupped his ear, proving that he was truly listening to me. My cheeks grew hotter.

"I want to buy my mom a house in the capital!" I shouted, and my desire was so earnest and completely unattainable. I understood that now. It would take so much more than a couple ryō for an impossible dream to come true.

Tamaki Dairo didn't laugh at my dream. I wish he had. Perhaps then I would have seen the red flags on his character. Perhaps things could have been different. However, these were just empty regrets. Stupid Fuyu didn't have the capacity to doubt somebody.

He then did something no one had ever done for me. He pulled out a small string of ryō and handed all of it over to me. It felt heavy, and it was by far the most money I had ever had in my tiny palms.

"Oh no, Mr. Dairo!" I remember shaking my head profusely, attempting to give back the money. "I couldn't take this from you!"

"It's a gift," he told me and my eyes had begun to water. Nobody had ever given me a gift before. My mom would make me mochi on special occasions, but that was different. Somehow, the intent felt new and I held the coins to my chest.

"Tha—thank you!" I bowed, my braid now completely undone as my head neared the ground. I held the gift to my chest as I stood back up.

"Why the capital?" Tamaki asked me and my brows furrowed.

"My mom...she told me once," I paused, and I considered the memory even now. "She told me she had a cousin in the capital. If I had a cousin, I would want to see them too!"

"Do you have no other family, Fuyu-chan?" Tamaki asked me, and I dipped my toes into the mud, a rush of loneliness filtering through the crevices of my heart. Despite that, the fondness was apparent in my face.

"I have mom." I answered him quickly, my eyes scanning the river bed where the waters would eventually reach Konoha. "But I want my mom to be happy!"

"I'm actually heading to Konoha next," Dairo Tamaki told me and I tilted my head, my eyes filling with warmth.

"What for?" I asked him, entranced by the idea of getting to travel on adventures. It must have been nice to be so free.

"Business." Tamaki's answer was vague, and now I knew his business was human trafficking. In a time of economic strife, slaves really were the most profitable method of money.

"When are you leaving?" I asked him, and I now wondered if things would have been different if I hadn't looked so disheartened at that idea.

"I should have left a few days ago," he answered with a smile. That smile slowly faded as he looked at me. "You remind me of my daughter."

"Your daughter?" I grew excited at the comparison. I didn't know why. I had only ever been my mother's daughter. "Where is she?"

"Somewhere far away." His answer was just as vague, but I grew all the more curious.

"Do I look like her?" I had to ask, since I never looked like any of the other kids on the roads. White hair was a curse in these parts. People had the tendency to be superstitious and I was an outcast.

"You have her eyes," Tamaki said, and his fingers reached over to grip my chin. It was a gentle touch, and her took a step closer.

"I'm proud to share her eyes!" I told him, as if trying to please him. His smile was strained now, and he quickly stood up. My expression disappeared. "Are you leaving?"

"Business," he told me, and my brows furrowed together once again. I wasn't ready to be alone, but my mom hated when I begged, so I didn't want to disgrace myself to him. "I'm sorry, Fuyu-chan."

He sounded like he really meant it, and it brought another smile to my face. "Will I see you again?"

He paused, his eyes scanning my face. He actually looked like he wanted to say no. Perhaps he wasn't the demon of my memory yet, but slowly as he gazed at my smooth dimples and sweet colored eyes, he gave in to the guilt and said, "sure kid."

As he turned around, I realized I still wore his red haori. "Mr. Dairo!" I shrugged it off, my body dripped with the water from the river as I handed him his haori.

"Are you sure you don't want to keep it?" He asked this of me, but I profusely shook my head. My mother would never leave my side if she caught me in someone else's clothes. He chuckled, patting my head. "Okay then. How about this?" He grabbed some fallen tree branches, and placed it near the river bed.

I watched him curiously, my head tilted to the side as he held up his hands. He made strange symbols and it was the first time I ever saw a Jutsu. A rush of fire streamed out of his lips, causing me to let out an audible shriek, and I fell back against the grass when the fire from his body caused the leaves and branches caught aflame.

I watched with wide eyes, and he turned to me, holding out his hand. I had never touched another person but my mom, so I was hesitant to place my hand in his. Once I did, I noticed his skin was warm. He pulled me to my feet.

"Stay by the fire. If your mom sees it, just say you learned something new," he told me. And I nodded my head.

"Could you teach me that trick?" I asked instead, because it looked so effortless to perform such a miraculous act.

"Sorry. This isn't something girls can do," he told me, and I frowned.

"Why not?" I asked, not angry, but I wanted to understand.

"Your hands aren't made for this," he answered smoothly, and he slowly let go of the hand he gripped to help me on my feet.

"What are they made for them?" I asked him, and his lips thinned.

"Not this," he answered.

Ironically, killing was exactly what my hands were good at. I would prove that later on when his blood clotted underneath my nails as I cut off his head and just held it until it began to smell. Still, I was a child, naïve and young. And even then, he implied that a girl was made for bearing children and making men happy. I could do neither.

"Could you teach me what I can learn?" I asked him, mostly because I always loved to learn. My mom didn't have the time to teach me different skills, and every future brothel would educate me in her place.

He took a step back, and his bangs shadowed his face. "Perhaps." He turned on his heel and began his retreat. "Stay warm, Fuyu-chan."

My smile hurt my cheeks, but I stood close to the flames. They warmed up my skin that had begun to grow stiff and blue. They were as warm as Mr. Dario's eyes, and I enjoyed the way they flickered and danced. The heat didn't bother me and I stayed under its embrace until the branches had decayed and burned into ash.

My mother appeared from the trail not long after the sun had set, and by now my clothes were mostly dry thanks to my new friend's fire. She immediately paused at the ashes and suspicion flooded her eyes.

"What happened here?" Nagisa had a talent for making me feel small, but I had gotten good at lying to her.

Besides, Tamaki had said it was okay, and he was an adult too.

More than that, my mother told me that everybody was my enemy, but Tamaki had been nothing but kind to me from the moment I met him. My fingers tightened around the string of ryō in my kimono, careful not to allow the coins to rattle. I didn't want my mom to find out, mostly because I didn't want to lie to her anymore than I already had. Also, I wanted to keep them and I knew my mother would make me return every last ryō.

My mother was an odd sort, and I realized that now that I was older. She often taught me manners and how to be kind, only to grow fearful at the lasting idea that I might use any of these skills to make friends or even greet strangers on the roads. To this day, I still hadn't the faintest what she was so keen on protecting me from. Even in her wildest dreams, I doubted that she could ever have the imagination to envision what my fate ended up being.

Fate was funny that way.

I had learned a proverb when I was but a small kamuro under Ohashi. Fate was like a stream, nipping and tucking and curling and sometimes leading far from the mother waters that spawned it. Still, no matter how it may twist and turn, the waters that control it are still from the ocean.

Ohashi had told me this as a way to warn me that you can't defy fate, but I always had a difficult time listening. It was hard to believe that all my actions were predetermined because if that were true, then it was decided long before my birth, that I was to be the child that causes her mother's murder.

Still, through the thickets that clouded me in a green haze, I had a hard time seeing past illusions. Tamaki Dairo was so kind to me. He brought me sweets of the sorts I had never tasted. He introduced me to chocolate, the first and only instance I had consumed such treats. In the future, perhaps this was why I had grown an aversion to the sweetness of sugar. He taught me different ways to sign my name upon parchments and I perfected the kanji.

"This is common in the wind country," Dairo had told me when he held up a small box of candies shaped in intricate circles and spirals. They tasted of strawberries and cream, heavenly at the time, but now just the thought made me want to vomit.

"My daughter had loved this flavor," he told me, smiling sweetly as I munched on the food he would bring me. He would often compare me to his child, and I had never minded. It made my chest warm, and I would often spend days waiting for my chance to speak to him.

He brought me gifts, ones I could eat, so my mother would never see them. I suppose this was where I learned to perfect the art of a good lie. Perhaps lying to my mother was only the beginning of my senseless and troubled life. It hardly mattered.

"Have you put on weight, Fuyu?" My mother had asked me this so bluntly that I nearly balked. Consuming the food that Dairo would bring me had brought fullness back to my cheeks, and of course my mother had noticed. I remember so little of the woman who raised me, but I suppose I could never forget her creeping paranoia.

I had learned that the best lies have a lack of too many details. Too many and she began to question me. Instead, I had perfected my smile as I grabbed her hand, allowing her to lead me along the path. "If I did, then does that make me prettier?"

My mom had smiled at the innocent question, reaching over and pulling me to her side as we walked along the road into town. "You are my daughter. You will always be the prettiest one in this country."

My mother would often tell me that. She told me that she loved my hair, told me that I had my father's eyes. It was the only thing she ever told me about my father. I wonder now if my face ever made her sad. "Mother," I remember still holding the money in my kimono. Dairo had brought me a little more to save, a gift that I hadn't been able to refuse. "Are you ever lonely?"

I had never asked before that day, and now that I looked back at those memories, sifting and forcing them up from repression, I could see so little of why my mother did anything. Still, I gripped onto those memories, bringing them to the surface so I could understand and feel what I had never allowed myself to feel.

"Never." Nagisa had never sounded more confident, and her hand gripped onto mine as she pulled me along the dirt road. I held onto her as if she were my last line of life. "I have you, now don't I?"

I wish I could ask her so many questions now that I'm old enough to comprehend everything. I want to ask how she met my father, who her cousin in Konoha was, if I have family somewhere, if it was possible to have saved her. I knew it was senseless to dwell on the hopeless, but I couldn't help it since the fact remained that those coins falling out of my kimono robes had started everything.

They rolled down the dirt path, faster than I could move as the coins scattered around my feet with rattling noise. My breath got caught in my throat, my lips flapping open and closed as I tried to catch the ones that fell.

"What is this?" Nagisa glanced towards me, her eyes narrowed as the gears in her head began to turn. "Where did you get this?"

"I--I found it," I said, but knew immediately that I had to work on lying under pressure because I awful at my attempt.

"You're lying." Nagisa brought those deep blue irises down to my level, finally looking me in the eyes. "You've been lying to me, Fuyu?"

I was young back then. In only five months, I could have come back from even that. I could have made up a lie that bested the old ones. In a year, I was already good enough with deceit to never be caught in a lie at all. And now, even I could hardly tell when I was lying or sharing the truth. But when I was Fuyu, I had none of those skills and I did what most children did when caught. I told her the truth.

I had never seen my mother so furious and so sad. She watched me like a hawk. Still, she couldn't take me with her into town when she made her business. What she really did to earn the money I never knew. All I did know was that she would leave me in the back rooms and paid a hefty sum for the tavern keeper to have me stay put. It was dark and empty in the room I stayed when she could not be by my side to protect me. I hardly felt protected then. I had missed the friend I made dearly.

So when I saw him, speaking to the men who I would come to know in later years, I was ecstatic. I wanted to say hello. I wanted to learn about Chakra. I wanted to learn so many new things that my mother would not teach me. I tugged against my mother's hold on her way down the street with the sack of grains on her back. She held me tighter.

"Fuyu!" Nagisa scolded. "Stop. It's not safe."

"Mother please he's my friend. Just meet him. He is nice. Not everyone is bad." I told her this in hopes to make sure she saw my side, which she had been ignoring for a week.

"Not everyone is bad yes, and be kind to others yes, _but_ be smart." Nagisa tugged me forward again. "Don't disobey me Fuyu."

Dairo finally looked up from the ruckus I was making, glancing from me to my mother before he ignored me entirely for the men he was talking to so seriously. I was confused. I didn't understand my mother. I didn't understand the world.

I was lonely and sad and I lashed out all the time. "You need to eat Fuyu!" Nagisa would scream, clutching her hair as she likely felt frustration for the disobedient daughter.

"I _hate_ this," I would tell her when she laid her head against the table. My uneaten rice, boiled vegetables, and salted fish lay untouched in front of me. I had been silent for days at that point, and now I only wished I had never said anything. I wished that she didn't have to hear these words that couldn't be farthest from the truth. "I _hate this_. I hate this village. I hate this house. I hate you." I slammed my hand across the food on the table and it hit the far wall and splattered against wall.

Before that day, my mother had never so much as squeezed my arm too hard to leave a mark. She had never truly raised her voice until that month. She was always stern, but she kept everything else under tight wraps. When her palm slapped against my cheek, I was in a stunned silence. There was something undeniably humbling about being slapped.

Still, even though the pain was immense, my mother looked even more hurt by her actions. Her hands cupped her face in shock. They were shaking and when my eyes filled with tears she tried to speak. That was when the door was broken down. That was when the slavers slammed open door.

In the future, there would a moment where I had been shoved from the top of a mountain. The wind had rushed through my hair and the vertigo of the fall had created tremors throughout my body. The splat before the fall would be approaching and that fear coursed through my jolting body. I had nearly been too surprised to save myself before the fall. Of course, I turned into smoke and stopped the landing, but that was the closest I could ever come to describe the feeling of those men crashing in, their weapons drawn upon my unarmed mother.

I remember so little of the words of that night. With my tears and blinding headache from my mother's strike, it was like looking through a kaleidoscope. However, some things remain very clear when Dairo walked into the house, looking as if he just stepped in mud. There was no remnants of the kind man who had been so sweet to me on the riverbed.

"You have no right," my mother's voice rang out, but the chuckle of Dairo was hauntingly cold.

He held out a contract, and his lips quirked. "The age of content for indentureship is five. This is your daughter's print."

"Indenture? Pretty words for slavers." I wasn't certain when she did it, but Nagisa had gotten a kitchen knife in her hand. She angled her body, bent her knees only slightly, and hid the blade with her forearm.

"I am a businessman, miss. Nothing more. Your daughter wants to give you a better life. Isn't that right, Fuyu?" He finally looked at me, and still I didn't understand.

However, what he said was true enough. "Yes! I want mama to have a good life."

Nagisa's face looked stricken and pale, as if she might faint seven times over and it still wouldn't be enough rest. "You are a snake."

Dairo shrugged, but his eyes remained a second longer on me.

Nagisa lunged, the knife in her hand as she went to strike him down. It was a surprise, and Dairo must have thought as much too for her blade cut clean across his face. A scar trailed from where he could not dodge, but she succeeded in ripping the contract out of his arms. She was outmatched, and two of the three slavers dragged her away, forcing her to drop the contract. It floated down next to me, and it was my handwriting.

It was made from one of the many parchments where I signed my name over and over until I got it perfectly. Perhaps this was where my hatred for the name 'Fuyu' stemmed, but all I knew was that I had been stupid. Worse than stupid, I was naive.

My mother was distraught, screaming and kicking, but the men were stronger and overpowered her thrashing before the last one turned his arms around me. He grabbed me, hauling me to my feet when I realized I had fallen to my knees. I glanced over to Dairo, looking for the man who had made me a fire and supported my dream to buy my mother a home worthy of her. His eyes were cold, filled with something I could not place and when finally met my eyes, there was something that I could only now describe as predatory.

"Please. Take me." My mother was pleading now, her eyes red and blotchy and her face pale. The fight in her had seeped out.

"Take you?" Dairo asked, and his lips curled. "What good would that do?"

"I will sign any contract. Just let my daughter go." Nagisa's voice was hoarse, wrought with emotion and pain as she finally brought her gaze back up towards him.

Dairo smirked, taking a step forward. "And you think you are capable of the workload?"

Nagisa bit her bottom lip, her eyes finally turning hard and she refused to look at me. I had long since grown silent, lip with the betrayal that only just began to register in my bones. "I am." Nagisa finally said this, her eyes hard and her lips straightening.

Dairo considered this. "Your life for the care of your daughter? I don't think I believe you to make the trade. You will just have to prove it to me."

His hand went to the front of her dress, laying just over her chest. He pulled the material down, ripping it until it exposed her bosom to her naval. She didn't speak. She stopped crying. She wouldn't look at me.

Dairo looked at me. He stared at me throughout all of it, and maybe that was what made my mother finally act. Maybe she saw what I could not at the time. She saw that all this would end with both of us separated, her as a servant across the coast, and me as a whore. Worse than that, Dairo's next words were a promise, cooed with an emotion I didn't understand. "Rest assured. I will make sure your daughter is cared for when I pay for her services."

I didn't understand, even as my mother cried out harder. The blood had already began to trail down her thigh, mixed with beads of white and damp clinging sweat as Dairo dropped her body. She stabbed her needle, the one she always kept to tie up her hair, into his neck, but Dairo was faster. He was trained, and before I could scream, he had allowed his palm to take the blunt of the damage. The rage in the air was palpable and I screamed out for him to stop.

"Please! Don't hurt my mother." I believe it was the first time I ever begged for anything in my life, but it spurred him on. I knew that now. He liked the sound of my crying and that was when he slit my mother's throat.

When she fell to the ground, slumped and broken, her breasts hanging out, her dress ripped and her thighs bloody, she finally stared at me. She gurgled out words that were not understandable. I tried to crawl to her, but the arms of the third slaver held me back. I don't remember what I screamed, I just remember the crying as I tried to reach for her.

Her bloody palms made a motion to reach for me right back, but her body was weak and the slit across her throat was leaking so profusely that it was a wonder her head hadn't been chopped clean off.

"Mama." The slaver had let me go, perhaps out of pity. I crawled to her, taking her hand in mine and feeling my chest quake with the tremor. "I-I." I couldn't get any words out.

"F-Fuy-" Nagisa didn't close her eyes when she died.

I had to be sobbing I think. I had screamed and thrashed and roared that I hated Dairo. When he had stepped forward to lift me up, I had turned into a rabid animal, and scratched my nails into his face. Still his hands moved to my neck, dragging me out the house.

"She's dead, dear. If you want to live, shut your fucking mouth." He never cursed me before, but with my nails having marked his face until blood covered his cheek, he looked murderous.

I wish I had made threats. I wish I had told him that he should fear me, but then I saw my mother's blood staining his hands when he grabbed me and everything went black. It was as if I were falling, I gripped onto the doorframe, screaming when he raised his palm to silence me. The blood of my mother filled my mouth, rushing against my tongue as I gagged and his narrowed gaze filled mine.

"Dispose of the corpse." Dairo instructed the slavers, and they obliged without a word. They dragged my mother out the back and disappeared from sight. All the while, his eyes had not left mine.

I couldn't speak. His palm was slick against my face. When his other hand lowered to my stomach, my back so forcefully pressed against the door frame that I feared it may break, I finally understood what happened next.

"Stay quiet, Fuyu."

He used his hands, the blood of my mother caressing my skin like oil, to touch me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck that was dark. I am sorry for that. It was just a necessary revelation on why Anomie is so scared when people tell her they love her. I tried to make the implied rape scenes very vague so I don't trigger myself. Still, Nagisa was taken by force and so was, of course, Anomie.
> 
> It is also an explanation as to why she feels like her mothers murder was her fault and why she hates the name Fuyu. I felt it was finally time for Kakashi and Anomie to really get to know each other and speaking your demons out loud is the first step to getting out their power over you. This will never be my favorite chapter, but I do think it was necessary. Also, I've never given Nagisa actual chapter time so I wanted her to be introduced. There is still so much about Anomie I have yet to delve into, so much that I can't wait to share.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Kuremachisu (クレマチス) is a clematis flower. It means cunning and poverty


	57. Suiba

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX  
____________  
–•–

**ANOMIE WAS WISHING FOR A WARM BATH AND A LUXURIOUS BATHTUB, FILLED** to the brink with hot water, rose petals, and steamed coconut milk. She felt it was very necessary considering her skin was dry from the lack of moisture from using the Undying Bird's double edged abilities. In fact, unbeknownst to her companion, she was now always dehydrated, her tongue was blisteringly hot, and she was fairly certain the fact that it was _fucking snowing_ did not help a bit. Now she was freezing, dehydrated, and in desperate need of a 'me day'.

Also, she had shared some very private information, told Kakashi she _quote_ loved him, and she had a serious case of embarrassment with a tinge of regret. Being vulnerable was not her forte, and she now ended her day without eye contact. This was something Kakashi took notice to, judging by his scoff and comment of, "you have the emotional maturity of an academy student."

Anomie missed their banter, as it was different from the _whatever the fuck_ came over her two nights ago. She had a hard time saying she loved watermelon let alone saying she loved another person _and meaning it_. "Wow. This coming from the guy who avoids confrontation with girls waiting to confess to him."

"Since when did I ever-"

Anomie interrupted him quickly. "Anbu, three months in, the girl with the _amazingly_ round ass?"

Kakashi raised a brow. "Maybe you should have made a move. You seem to have a one track memory of her."

Anomie smiled, running her fingers through her hair and noticing the brittle thinness of her hands. She made a mental note to eat more because she was starting to look like a homeless urchin who lived off scraps of bread. "Oh I _did_. Someone had to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart when you tossed her love letter in the bin."

"I did n-" Kakashi paused at her look, letting out a completely exasperated sigh. They were currently engaged in the part of their quest that had them willing to stop at any village for a warm meal that Anomie didn't have to hunt. Luckily, if her map reading skills were of any use, the closest village was fast approaching. "Fine."

He was reading his book, or at least pretending to so he wouldn't have to converse. She would have done the same thing if she actually liked reading. Once again, Anomie liked very little outside of drinking lately. "I need to pick up some hobbies."

"I'd say you've grown to like the hobby of annoying me," Kakashi said with a sharp retort as he turned the page.

She scoffed, "Alright. Someone woke up on the wrong side of _me._ " They had taken to sleeping in the same sleeping bag, and it was perhaps the most vulnerable thing she had ever let someone do with her. Even in her days as a whore, she never fell asleep aside someone. Men had already taken so many of her liberties and choices, she never liked giving them anything else. That was why she tried to avoid kissing her clients. It was her way of separating her body from her heart, her way of owning her own body in whatever way she could.

She fell asleep holding him. She woke up to his soft kisses in the morning, and she loved every sinful minute.

"You kick." Kakashi was swift with his jabs, and she was thoroughly insulted. She was known for never moving in her sleep, but she supposed that was before she slept alongside another person.

"Is that right?" Anomie felt herself smiling, watching the clouds cover the sky in grey. She knew from the look of them, that thunder was on the horizon and waiting to swallow the earth. If she had to wait out a storm in the dirt, she was certain she was going to do more than kick. "Well, you squeeze."

Kakashi's brows raised at the same time as hers, and he paused for a moment in his steps. He had a thing about cuddling up to her and holding her so tight she could barely breathe. She rather liked that too, but judging by the slight shift of his eyes as he refused to meet her stare, it was all unconscious desire. She looked away next, not knowing what to do with her hands as a heat filled her chest, almost too much to bare.

"How far away is the village?" Kakashi asked, and she glanced at him through hooded lashes as the husky tone of his voice drifted over to her. He had taken out his canteen of water, chugging it down. This left her watching his adam's apple bobbing in his throat, filling her with the _desire_ to run her lips over it, to not just feel his skin but taste it. She shivered, unused to the feeling of _actual_ desire. His lips were so inviting and he put away the canteen to his side. She felt like a pervert with her staring at his beautifully cruel mouth.

"An hour at most." Anomie paused, turning her body towards him. "Why?"

"So we will make it before the storm at the least," Kakashi looked up at the sky, and she noticed the lack of his mask before she felt him press her up against a tree. "Then we have time."

His lips met hers and she felt her words die in her throat before they could ever reach her tongue. His hands were tangled in her hair and she was clutching onto his clothes, pulling him closer as he lifted her up so her legs could curl around his waist. His hands were rough, but his lips were gentle as he breathed her in and absorbed her body heat. In the past, before him, a client had described kissing her akin to melting. She never understood that until she first felt Kakashi's lips on hers because every millimeter of her body was dissolving into his and for a moment she was nearly afraid of melting away.

"Stop, I can't breathe," she said in between huffs of air. He was suffocating in the best possible way. She heard his laughter and she fell even deeper into his embrace. She squeezed his shoulders when his lips fell to her jaw, sliding down until he was face first in her neck. She smiled, her chest moving hoarsely with her labored breathing and reminding her that she needed some serious hydration, food, and a bed.

Their skins were being pulled together, like magnets that were long deprived of their opposite charge. Anomie ran her fingers into his hair, his body crushing her further as she closed her eyes and just felt him there with her. There wasn't enough time, skin, kisses, or hunger that could make up for all the years wasted and that they'd never get back, but they kissed as if they had never been separated by loyalty, crimes, and heartbreak.

"I love you," he whispered against her neck, saying what he had never been afraid to tell her. She was blown away by his bravery, but that was normal because he had _always_ been the best of the two of them. And she loved him. He deserved to know. He deserved to have a girl who was never afraid to whisper it to him, to tell him, to shout it at him.

She opened lips, but then closed them. She wasn't that girl. It was hard enough to tell him the first time, and now she had that irrationality of wishing that he would forget it so she could put her shields up one more time and he wouldn't see that, "You drive me crazy."

He looked up at her, his forehead resting against hers as they breathed each other in, "You don't ever have to say it back. You never did."

She gazed up at him, her body burning for more of him, but they were already as close as they could be. "After all this is over, and I do everything I need to do...will you still want me?"

He was smiling, his eyes so warm that she didn't even need her steamy milk bath. "I'm starting to think you don't listen to my speeches."

"Excuse me?" Anomie was grinning, her mirth matching his.

"What part of 'forever' don't you get?"

"There's no such thing as forever." Anomie was pulling him closer, just barely meeting his lips.

"You'll see." Kakashi kissed her again. That was when it started raining.

And they were laughing, dripping wet, and still _laughing_.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬● 

"So what you're saying is we are broke." Kakashi was deeply unamused when Anomie walked back towards him after having disappeared so he could find lodgings. When he saw her again, she was in an ostentatious kimono with long dangling sleeves and a scarf of _fur_ hanging over her neck.

"Crazy right?" Anomie was smiling, running her fingers over the pink flowers that were embedded into her hair. The fact that she managed to get it done in a dying storm last minute was a testament of their now dwindling coin. Kakashi was baffled by her lack of responsibility before remembering that _of course_ Anomie should not have held onto a single cent.

"Return all of that and get back the money." Kakashi's voice was cold and almost immediately Anomie's icy stare was back as she adjusted the umbrella over her head so it could spin into a 360 above her.

"No. I don't think I will." Anomie was smiling again, the cat like wings of her eyes further causing Kakashi to rethink his life choices. "Don't worry about _money_ Kakashi. I have a plan."

Kakashi was still unconvinced, starving, and now reluctant to trust the woman he wanted nothing more than to tie to a bed and leave there in a maybe _unsexual_ way depending on the time of day and words exchanged _and this analogy has gone off base._ "No weapons or theft or sexual favors."

"It appears I don't have a plan," Anomie said with a bitterness. "I'm not taking back my clothes. I look amazing. Wait till you see what's underneath."

Kakashi wasn't particularly interested in putting himself through anymore torture of the physical nature. There were not enough cold showers available. "I'm going to look around for information. Find a way to afford the rest of the journey."

"Alright. Something tells me you're mad at me," she said, her lips curled into a devious smile. He scowled at her, his normal deadpan nowhere to be seen. Instead of answering, he pulled out his book and turned to walk away. "Okay, Kakashi, I'm sorry." He continued to walk, so she followed him with that same chuckle. She gripped his arm, feeling the well toned muscles from beneath her grasp. "The polite thing to do is listen when a beautiful woman apologizes from the bottom of her heart."

His deadpan was back. "It was more like it was from your colon than your heart."

Her brows furrowed, taking a moment to think over his words.

He sighed, "the colon is the large intestine."

Her lips dropped open. "Are you implying, my good sir, that my apology is full of shi-"

He placed a gloved palm over her mouth, his eyes smiling down at her in slits. "No crass language in front of the children."

Her reply was muffled by his gloved hand, but she managed one out. "There are no children, you dick!"

His glance turned stern, "take the clothes you bought back then."

"Wouldn't you rather take them off?" Anomie asked this with a suggestive smile, his gaze grew a shade hotter with fervor.

Slowly he let out another deep breath, "I'm gonna scout out the village."

Anomie raised her brow, but her dimples showed broadly when she smiled. "Don't worry. I will work around your moral parameters then and _earn,_ " she said the word as if she were going sick, "the money."

He gave her a chaste kiss on her forehead, surprising her as he slipped a key into her palm. She froze under the pressure of his lips and she felt her blood boil. She closed her eyes for a moment but then he was gone.

No killing, stealing, or flirting. Anomie's frown deepened when she realized that _holy shit are those really my only go to options?_

Anomie was now walking aimlessly, wondering if she should just kill a bitch and not tell him when she spotted something that made her remember Tsunade rather fondly. A gambling den. Anomie pursed her lips, walking closer and closer until she was in front of the doors. There was a man guarding the entrance, and he was fitted in golden armor, rather elegant for the weather, with a sword hanging from his side. Many men dressed in similar fashion hovered around the perimeter, likely to prevent theft or misconduct.

Anomie gave him her sweetest smile, as if she had never killed a fly let alone slaughter to the point of massacre. "Hello."

The guard didn't look comfortable with forced small talk, because his reply was gruff and straight to the point. "Are you on the list?"

She was on many lists, including the top fifty most wanted Shinobi turn cloaks. That had been an exciting Sunday for her. She felt a cloud of pride float over her head. "Sure am. Once you add me and I can be on my way inside."

"You're funny. What will you do for me?" He said this quick, causing her brow to raise once again. She began to go through her list of usual actions, should someone so blatantly disrespect her. Still, all of them fell on Kakashi's 'do not, for the love of shit, do not' list. Instead she smiled.

"You think I'm going to fuck you just to get through the doors?" Anomie vaguely thought of the small, but very sharp, needle hidden in her hair.

"Well," he leaned against the entrance, his brows raised with suggestive overtone. Just as she decided she was _actually_ going to slit his throat, he was shoved aside by a much taller man with hair so black that the night sky would be jealous.

"Sumimoto, stop propositioning girls at the door, you creepy son of a bitch," the new man said, and he nodded at her. "Just go on in."

"Come on Tomo, she's _hot,_ let me have this," the other man said as Anomie passed him. She decided to slit his throat at a later time and maybe not tell Kakashi she did it.

The inside was filled with smoke, and Anomie felt a familiar rush at the sight of the adrenaline of the men betting their money away. She shrugged, taking a step forward as she ran her fingers over the mahjong table and noticed the man pause as he reorganized the chips.

"You want want to play a round?" His question was met with Anomie's shrug, her lips quirking as she scanned the competition. There was a thick woman with a face so molded into a frown that Anomie had to wonder if the girl ever smiled once in her life. Next to that woman was a man whose hair was thin and the bags under his eyes were darker than any baggage Anomie ever had in her life. The final man was handsome enough for Anomie to smile at with a shy glance.

"Oh, I've never played before," she said, but sat down.

"Oh yeah?" Handsome asked with his dimples apparent when he smiled her way. Her lashes fanned her cheeks when she took off her pure gold bracelet with a amethyst charm on the middle. It had simple beauty worth more than her kidney.

She handed it towards him, "I'm afraid I have no other money. How much can this get me?" The dealer glanced at it with a greedy hunger in his eyes as he gingerly held it in his fingers. He inspected it with ease and he placed a few chips from his table near her mahjong tiles. It was a couple hundred under what her bracelet was worth and she let out a smile of gratitude, her eyes crinkling with the motion.

"It's okay princess, I'll go easy on you," Handsome assured her and she sent him a sheepish smile.

"Speak for yourself," Thicc woman interjected with narrowed eyes. Anomie's lips thinned. "Best watch your coin and your back, skank."

Why people felt the need to use skank as an insult was a wonder to her, but Anomie didn't find it offensive. In fact, it was a little empowering. She sent the woman a sweet smile once again. "Don't worry about my back."

The man with thinning hair glanced over her, obviously unimpressed. It was throughout the game that she noticed him sneaking glances over to Handsome, who had yet to cease his not so subtle attempts to give her pointers. These pointers came with his crass action of scooting his leg near hers until the moment she felt it brush up against her own.

With the four of them, minus the dealer who took the round to observe, each sitting across from another, Anomie was forced into glancing up and watching Miss Thicc's very penetrating gaze. The bitch wanted to win, that much Anomie knew. The game was mostly silent, with the clanking of porcelain. She organized her tiles, spotting the tiles and saying a swift, "pung." She grabbed a discarded bamboo tile, rearranging and placing it next to her other ones.

"You're doing great, babe," Handsome told her with a low whisper.

"No whispering at the table," the dealer ordered, wondering now if anyone would give a shit if he smoked.

"Mahjong," Miss Thicc stated, revealing her tiles and showing the four sets and a pair.

"Oh wow," Anomie said with a disappointed smile. "I can't believe I lost."

"Hm," Miss Thicc said, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I'm so disappointed," she said, glancing towards Handsome with a frown.

"Well, I'll play again if you like." Handsome looked reluctant to be parted from the silver haired beauty, and Anomie smiled.

"I'll play again," Miss Thicc agreed with a rather rude sneer. "However, you must bet twice the amount."

"Whatever," the dealer stated, reorganizing the tiles for everyone.

"I'll play too," the man with thinning hair stated, glancing at Handsome once again.

Anomie knocked a tile off the table. "Oh how clumsy of me. Could you get that for me?"

The man with thinning hair gave Anomie a curt nod and grabbed the tile. As he was handing it over to her, he had to reach over Handsome. When he went to drop the tile in her palm, she moved her hand aside so it landed in Handsome's lap.

"How about you grab that too?" Anomie said with another smile as the man with thinning hair began to have cheeks so flushed it was a wonder his blood didn't drip from his pores. Anomie giggles, not breaking eye contact as she grabbed the tile and brushed her knuckles over Handsome's lap. She finally met his gaze. "Thanks."

When the game began, both men were unfocused. That made them sloppy, and Anomie went in for more patience and strategy. She had spent the entire last game losing and watching how the three had played. She noticed that they each had a favorable method of which direction they grabbed so Anomie adjusted her method. She didn't bother separating her tiles and towards the end of the game, making a point to be more careful careful.

She discarded mostly tiles that had been discarded by others, and before long, she called out her "mahjong." This came out as a surprise to the other players, with the dealer watching with a raised brow from a distance. "Wow. It feels great to win double."

Miss Thicc let out a laugh, "you bluffing bitch." The woman turned her head towards the man with thinning hair. "You worthless sack of shit. What kind of husband loses all our money?" Anomie shrugged with a smile, sending the man with thinning hair a wink. As she stood up, she grabbed her chips and walked near the thinning haired man. She leaned over and whispered.

"I suggest you make your move. The wife will never hear of it from me if you bump it with him," Anomie whispered, her deduction of his sexuality having made her only real completion too distracted to properly strategize.

"Hey," Handsome stood up as she went to walk away. "Wanna get a drink?"

"Sorry. I'm dying in two weeks," Anomie said with a wave her her hand as she left him gaping at her back while she went to cash in her chips for the money Kakashi was bitching about.

When she got back to the hotel room, she noticed immediately that Kakashi was giving her the silent treatment.

Perhaps, however, this was her fault for entering the room with a knock at her own door and saying, "you still being an oversensitive bitch?"

She began to wonder if all relationships were like this with two people too stubborn to get over anything. Then she wondered _holy fuck am I in a relationship?_ The fact of the matter was that Anomie did not know. She didn't even know how to be a lover only that she knew she would be a very bad one.

Kakashi flipped a page in his book, a bit more aggressively than normal. This drew her to the conclusion that he was still being a bitch. She sighed, dropping a string of money on the table. He glanced from it and back to her face. "Where did you steal it?"

She gasped, her hand going to her chest. "Excuse you? I am a lady, Kakashi. A hardworking lady."

He raised a brow. "You threatened to, and I quote, 'kill a bitch's first born heir' for bumping into you this morning."

She smiled at the memory, but quickly got rid of any sign that she might not be innocent. "Where's the trust? I have been on my best behavior."

"I once saw you actually forget the word for 'I'm sorry'," he reminded her.

"Japanese is a fluid language."

"Two weeks ago, you tried to gauge out that last assassin's eye."

"He got my dress dirty."

"You actually broke my rib one time."

"Okay, you seriously need to stop remembering stuff," she snapped, glancing at his ribs with a thin smile. His gaze ran back to the money with an expectant expression. "I won it at mahjong."

"I didn't know you played," he said with a tilt of his head.

"The things brothels teach you is astounding," she said, sitting down next to him on the bay window. She grabbed his hand and stroked up his forearm. His eye watched her unconscious movements. "I only had to flirt a little bit."

"Ah," he said, less than impressed.

She laughed, "are you jealous?" She ran her fingers further up his arm.

"Not at all," he assured her with a smile, now reading his book with one hand. She watched the way his eye scanned the words. She wondered if he would like to still read Jiraiya's work if she told him that she had her own experiment with the buff sannin. Still, Anomie had learned long ago not to kiss and tell.

"I've been thinking," she told him.

"Please do that often."

"Your sass is getting old," she said with a smile. "How about we order room service and stay in bed?"

He glanced over to her. "I had similar thoughts. But first, how about you go to your surprise in the washroom."

She lit up. "You got me a surprise?" She dropped his arm and rushed to the other room to see a steaming round bath filled with rose petals and coconut milk. Her eyes widened, and she turned around to see Kakashi smiling on the bay window.

His mask was down and she rushed to him, gripping him by the chin and running her fingers along his jaw. "Thank you."

"I should get you gifts more often," he told her with that same smile. She leaned closer until she was nearly straddling him.

"I am not opposed to that."

"Go before it gets cold." He said this with a tone that suggested much restraint. She thought about inviting him, but she wasn't certain she was ready to put him through anymore teasing. Instead, she kissed his nose and rushed to her bath.

After she left, Kakashi's bare fingertips drifted to his nose and his lips curled into a gentle smile. It was odd, to be this happy on such a temporary high. He dreaded the inevitable. He dreaded them going their separate ways. Still, he was able to ignore it when Anomie paused at the doorway. She turned around, facing him.

"You were so mad about the new clothes," she told him with an arch in her brow. Slowly she watched his eyes follow her every movement as she undid the obi around her waist. Underneath was bright red lingerie. It was fit with lace and straps and had Kakashi been younger, he might have dropped his book. "And I'm sure you are expecting me to give you an 'I told you so'?"

"Hardly."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not ten years old," he said, placing his book down and walking up to her. She expected him to admire her outfit, but instead he lifted her up and practically tossed her into the water. Her head went under and she gasped as she came up for air. Many of her pins that kept said hair up were now sunk to the bottom of the water.

"How could you?" Anomie spit out a rose petal, and Kakashi leaned next to the tub, his cheek resting against his arm as they laid on the edge of the porcelain. She smiled, wadding through the water as she took in his eyes. Her hands were busy with gathering the sharp pins from her hair and tossing them on the floor.

"Me? Who was teasing who?" Kakashi smiled, careful not to touch her, unable to guarantee he could stop.

She leaned close, not having that moral dilemma. She closed her eyes, picturing what could happen, testing the fear that raked down her spine at the thought. It was a dull echo. She pressed his face in between her palms, "have I ever told you how adorable you are?"

"That's a little demeaning," he said with a playful smile.

Her new lingerie was soaked through, and if it had been anyone else that caused such a thing, she really would have 'cut a bitch'. "What would you prefer? Hot? Sexy? Flaming? Handsome?"

His smile grew. "All of those would be accepting to my underwhelming ambitions."

She brushed her nose against his, feeling his skin spread heat over her body. She was trembling, and she obviously wasn't cold since the bath was fresh and warm. It was almost suspicious since she was certain it must have been prepared for her only minutes before she arrived.

She leaned back, her brows furrowed as the dots connected. "Did you spy on me?"

"Define 'spy'."

"You son of a bitch." She tried to think back to her walk through the village, remembering that she had felt someone watching her. She brushed it off since when a person had an ass like hers, a few eyes looking over were hardly out of the ordinary. "You made a clone."

"I didn't trust you around people," he admitted, and she felt her lips twitch up.

"Is that right?" Anomie leaned back in her bath. She allowed her body to sink into the warm water, the petals rushing around her in a torrent. Slowly, she pulled down her hair, dropping the remaining pins outside the bath. It fell around her shoulders in a mess of waves.

He watched every action, obviously entranced by her movements. She sent him a coy smile and the water dripped off her slightly damp hair and down the middle of her cleavage. Her knee lifted from the water, and he watched the white milk trickle down her skin. That was when she unclasped her bra. Her hair covered her chest when she tossed the red bra behind him.

The tension rose in the room and Kakashi tried to remember when he ever felt so out of control. That was when she spoke, "tell me you're sorry from the bottom of your _heart._ "

"No," he told her instead, watching her legs move without shame.

She smiled again, "shame. You know I have a reward system for things that make me happy."

She leaned forward and he was careful to only look into her eyes as her hair swept away from her chest. She grabbed the shampoo and lathered it into her scalp. He was careful to respect her, and she did like that about him. She liked how he maintained control in areas where everyone else always lost it. She held out her hand.

"Join me." Anomie watched him contemplate just exactly that, but slowly he smiled instead. He moved up his sleeves, removed his gloves, and took her hand. With the ease of the water, he slid her closer so he could run his fingers over her face.

She made a motion to speak, but he only silenced her with a bare finger. The action was intimate, in a way that she never knew before and it made her unsure of herself. That was insane because as far as sex went, she was an expert.

That thought made her pause, her eyes widening when she realized that this was not sex. The way he ran his fingers through her hair, spread the shampoo over her scalp, and pressed his fingertips into her skin was not tarnished by sexual desire. Instead, it felt as if he were content with just holding her. She felt his face press into her neck and she closed her eyes.

"After the stone is destroyed," she whispered, and he froze at the thought of what would happen after. "I want to tell you everything."

"You do?" Kakashi had been burned by her before, and he had learned to remain a bit guarded in the face of her decisions.

She turned towards him, her hair wet and forcing him to see just how stunning she was. Even with the feather burn across her neck, or the bruise he only just noticed on her shoulder or the scar upon her chest. Even with all of that, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He began to wonder if she had put him under a Genjutsu from the beginning.

"I will tell you everything," she assured him, brows furrowed. "And after it's all over, you will understand why I did all I had to."

Kakashi smiled, relief deep in his gaze. Still he was only a man and her hair was pushed back. His eyes escaped his control and glanced downward. She let out a laugh.

"I was wondering when it would tempt you," she told him, noticing the deep hunger in his eyes when they met hers. It didn't scare her as much as she thought it might. That echo of fear was fading and at the end of the tunnel, she began to wonder if she could finally be a girl again.

He covered his eyes with a palm, respectfully looking away. His heart was beating out of his chest and when he felt her palms again against his shoulders, he froze. "You should finish up and then get dressed."

"Yes. Perhaps so," she whispered, and then she kissed him. It was chaste and sweet, and she was thankful that she even got the chance to taste him.

"Anomie," he warned, his heart now blaring and screaming from beneath his ribs.

She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Join me."

She noticed he still wasn't moving, and she saw in his face that he was unsure of himself. That was a first since he always seemed so confident. Then again, she had to wonder if he had ever been one to actually practice on girls before. That thought led her mind down a road of jealousy, so she decided to instead grip his flak jacket.

Slowly, she began to undo the zipper, barely aware that her hands were shaking. He watched the movement, as if he could put every brush of her fingers down to a mathematical formula. She smiled at the thought, slowly pulling the flak jacket off from his arms.

She was breathing heavy now, aware that she was nervous, basically naked, and he was just staring at her. _Why isn't he saying anything?_ She pressed her palms up against his chest, feeling his muscles through the thick blue shirt and running them along his body. She felt him tremble from beneath her touch, but still he didn't touch her back.

She wasn't sure she wanted him to. She wasn't certain of anything. She glanced back up at his eyes, and she made sure she didn't miss a glance when she forced the shirt off his not so reluctant body. His body underneath was smooth, toned, and lean. She traced every curve, as if she were studying him.

"You can take off your own pants," she told him, leaning back and smiling despite the fact that her heart was beating so fast she feared it might make a visible quake of ripples in the water. She was terrified. She only looked away for a moment to find that he had in fact joined her in the water. His mask was around his neck as the only article of clothing he had not removed.

The laugh that escaped her lips was a genuine one. She tried to quell it, but it rose up again with vigor. "You are adorable."

He fingered the dark material, and she saw his embarrassment clearly now that they were in the light. "I like it on."

"Are you...shy, Kakashi?" Anomie had always noticed they usually were all hands and lips. They had never quite taken things so slowly with so few clothes. It was a new experience that she enjoyed exploring, even if it did scare her immensely.

"I am not," he assured her, watching her crawl closer. It might have been sexy, had her hand not slipped and she fell face first into the water. He leaned forward, trying, and failing, to quell his laughter as he gripped her by the shoulders. "You're not usually so clumsy."

She glanced up at him, her face red and her lips curled into a soft giggle. "I know. I'm a mess. And you ruined my makeup."

He laughed again, his hands working their way up, running over the sides of her neck, towards her jaw, where he finally used his thumbs to wipe away the mascara that had run. She stared up at him, her heart skipping in her chest, her hands braced against his thighs, and her blood running hot.

"It's funny," he said, his breath fanning her lips as she tried to control herself long enough not to press into him.

"What's funny?" Anomie asked in return.

"You are always so put together. Who knew the real you would be a tripping hazard?"

"I did tell you before," she said with a sheepish smile. "You didn't really know me."

"And I told you," he whispered, bringing her face closer so he could breathe her into his system. "I knew enough."

"I pictured it clearly you know," she managed to say it out loud, even if it was vague. She always said Kakashi deserved more than she could ever give him. Still, the solution would be to give him enough of herself so he might be content. He raised a brow, and she had pressed her palms up into his chest. "A life with you. I know I made it seem I didn't want one, but still, when I close my eyes I can see it."

Kakashi couldn't breathe. The air had grown thick with the steam, the smell of her shampoo, the smell of her perfume, and the feeling of her skin against his. If he had his way he would have her in every way he could since his inner desires were far too indecent to not spoil her trust, so he tried to fight against his every need. Still, when she was so close, so bare, and so honest, every part of him had succumbed to her words. There had been so many times in the past when he had kissed her, only to come up for air and tell himself that this was the last time he would.

He found himself never able to control himself. Right now was no different, and he pressed his lips against hers and immediately felt his entire body swallow the sensations of how she felt against him. Her hands had gripped the back of his neck, her nails running into the base of his hair and he let out a groan. It was embarrassing, especially after her words shared with him not so long ago. He didn't want to pressure her or make her feel as if she had to do what was expected.

Anomie grabbed his hand, dragging it to her chest so his palm was flat against her heart. "Everything you feel," she whispered against his lips. "I feel it too."

"Is that so?" Kakashi's hands were against her, his lips so close, and he felt drunk. As if they were clones of one another, her heart beat felt feral against his skin, matching his own. He stared into her eyes and kissed her as if he wanted to drown.

Kissing her had always been addicting. For Kakashi, he could compare it to the first taste of chocolate as a child. He remembered that he tried to savor it in the past, letting it melt on his tongue before swallowing it whole was apparent. Kissing Anomie was like tasting chocolate. Ironic, since he knew Anomie abhorred sweets and pastries with chocolate in it. 

Still, as he ran his hands down her face and through her hair, he began to remember that first taste. He remembered the joy, the sugar high, the sensation, and finally the satisfaction. Now that he was older, he had learned to savor the taste. For Anomie, he always tried to savor her. He wanted to never forget the way that she felt or the way she made him feel. Perhaps that mentality was what made it so hard to let her go. Regardless, it was useless to try letting her go now. 

He separated for air, trying to remember what he wanted to say. She was staring at him now, right into his eyes in such a way that he once again forgot how to speak. It was a talent in itself since he wasn't a shy man. At the very least, he had the confidence to get around the parameters of being shy. Still, she made him forget himself. 

She licked her lips, just staring at him some more and he remembered all those confusing revelations he had in the beginning when he was trying to sort out his feelings for her. When she would sneak into his apartment, raid his fridge, talk about nonsense, and still he grew disappointed when she didn't continue the routine the next day. Anyone else who showed such an interest in his life he had spurned, but he still grew attached to her aura. It was relaxing. She made him feel like a boy when everyone else wanted him to be a soldier. 

"I love you," he whispered, meaning it just as much as every other time he told her. He actually felt like he meant it more and more each time.

Anomie took a breath, inhaling his scent as she pressed her forehead against his shoulder. "How is it that every time you kiss me I lose my breath?" She glanced up at him again.

"What happened to all that arrogance?" Kakashi asked, but his heart felt as if she wrapped her own small hands around it and clenched. He doubted she knew what small words meant to him, but just when he thought he didn't need to hear it, she would say something like that and he wanted nothing more than to do something crazy like run far away with her or marry her. 

"You kissed it away," she whispered honestly. "It's been so long since someone has pried open my shields." She separated herself from him, making him miss the warmth of her touch. "I need a moment to gather my wits."

"How romantic," he drawled with an unimpressed raise of his brow. She smiled and his heart leapt again. At that point, they were just staring at one another, and he once more thought on his crazy ideas. Still, he knew that if he brought them up, she'd find a reason to back out.  "Blah, blah, blah, shinobi war. Blah, blah, blah, Konoha needs to be safe,"  was what she'd likely say and she'd be right. He hated that she was right. 

"Being romantic is your thing," she whisper, gesturing to the bath. Anomie was still attempting to reorganize the mess in her head because a part of herself will alway see Tamaki Dairo outside the windows and smell the rain in the air and hear the cries of her mother. Still, Kakashi was not Dairo, and her heartbeat rattling in her chest was blocking out all the white noise that she didn't want to hear. 

"Never thought of myself that way," Kakashi muttered, glancing away as a touch of pink flickered against his cheeks. It went away a moment later before she could lose control of herself and actually pounce on him. She took another shaky breath. 

"I didn't see it at first you know," she whispered with a wry smile. It got his eyes back on her. "What Rin saw in you." She splashed a bit of water in his face as he smiled. "But I do now. I see it all and I'm enamored." He had to actively remember to swallow as he looked at her again.

Staring at him from across the water was exactly what Anomie had been wanting. She wanted him so deeply that it was a wonder she could ever wait this long. Still, even as she forced her lips away from his so she could just breathe and  think.  She felt herself losing traction of the situation, surprising herself that she took a moment to think since she was always a woman of action. Of course, usually said action would be a terrible decision, but she was beginning to realize that she had to think more and do less. 

He had let her go from his arms from before and, after her confession, had settled with running his fingertips over her calf and back down to her ankle. He never went past her knee, and she felt herself lulled by the melody of his fingers. His eyes left searing holes in her skin, almost as intimate as his hands.  No. More intimate . She took a deep breath, as if testing herself.

"We don't have to do anything," he told her, as if he wanted her to know that he wasn't expecting anything. She smiled, realizing that just when she thought she couldn't love him more, the floor swept out from below her feet and she fell further into the emotion that she had been certain she could not feel.

"Do you not want me?" Anomie asked, and he scoffed, as if such a thing were impossible. 

Did not want her?  Kakashi thought with a frown. As if he could ever not want her. No, he had imagined her so many times, in many different ways, underneath him, on top of him, against the wall. Often times, he imagined her when he was trying to study or read or train and there she was, distracting him and making him a mess.

"You don't want to know the ways in which I want you," he assured her, watching her freeze. It was as if a haze had broken over her face and her eyes had settled on his fingers running up her leg. That was when she finally reached over, the water gliding over her skin as he stared up at her through hooded lashes when she finally tried pressing her lips into his once again.

It took everything in his body to not take off the last bit of lingerie she had in the form of red panties that, she was correct in assuming he would have wanted to see. He couldn't tell her that since her ego and sense of 'I'm always right and you're an idiot' complex was already big enough. Still, as his hands traced her spine and her body sunk into his, he was drunk.

He ran his lips over her jaw and she let out a laugh that made him want more. His tongue traced her jaw, down her neck, and he grew dizzy with the desire mixed with the coconut milk on her skin. He couldn't breathe. He was drowning and he wanted more. His lips trailed down her collarbone, and he looked her in the eyes as he pressed his lips around her breasts and sucked. She leaned her head up and pressed her hands against his shoulders as if to steady herself as his hands traced patterns over her stomach. 

He was breathing heavily when she lost her balanced and her clit brushed against the hardness of his dick, only separated by the material of her panties. She was having trouble breathing. She was dizzy with desire and it was new and exciting and she couldn't remember when she was ever this aroused. His lips around her areola, his dick pressed against her, his hands roaming her body, and his eyes gauging her reaction. She was breathing harder, and she let out a guttural moan as she pressed against his dick, and felt him pause, removing his mouth from her breasts.

"If you do that--I don't know if I can stop," he warned, and she pressed her lips against his, grinding against him as he moaned into her mouth.

"I don't want you to stop," she whispered, bitting his bottom lip with her eyes hooded and her heart beating erratically. He let out a shaking breath, his fingers playing with her panties as if he was contemplating tearing them off. The steam was making her dizzy, making her wonder how she could have ever controlled herself before. "I am going to be clear, Kakashi." He shivered as her lips ran over his neck and suckled a spot his under his ear. "I want you to act out every fantasy, every thought, every single one. I want all of you."

He seemed to have heard enough because he kissed her, gripping her by her thighs and standing up, dripping wet. He walked fast, seeming to lose control at the door as she felt the wall press up against her back and his breath fanned her neck. His hands were on her butt now, and she began to wonder if he had ever touched her quite like this.  No.

Before long her back was up against the sheets, her hair sprawled about her in a mess of wet curls and he was kissing down her stomach. His tongue made swirls around her belly button and her stomach clenched. She gripped his hair, her legs curling around his waist and she felt everything inside her turn into warm honey. 

"Where did you learn your moves?" Anomie wasn't certain if he was just that good or she was just that aroused, but he smirked up at her. Still, his eyes were probing her for protest as he slid her panties off her legs. She didn't hesitate and neither did he when his lips traced her thighs, going down further and further until she became concerned that she really was going to faint. She was over heated, and that was when his lips touched her.

Her toes curled as his tongue made swirls as if he were making kanji scripture inside her. She let out a harsh cry as his hands trailed up her stomach and his eyes met hers from the stance. She was quaking, her legs were shaking, and the pressure was building in her stomach and that was when he pulled away. She let out a sound that didn't feel at all like hers, but he didn't come back down.

"I've had a lot of time to think about how I wanted you," he whispered, pressing his lips against her stomach, looking at her as he dragged them up. She was still breathing hard when his first finger entered her. She gasped, trying to break from of the heat that cast a spell over her mind. "At first, I thought that maybe all I needed was this." Another finger entered her and she squeezed her eyes shut. "To get you out of my system." A third finger and she was undone. She was dripping around his hand and she was fairly certain she was embarrassed. "I don't think it's possible anymore." His whisper was so gentle as he bit down on her stomach with light nibbles that made her nearly cum.

"Boy, I am going to get you back for this," she said with a weak gasp and he smiled, shoving his hand forward and pressing the tips of his fingers into her. She felt her eyes nearly roll backwards as she gasped. 

"What was that?" Kakashi's voice was deeper now, and she began to wonder if he was always such an arrogant piece of shit. His fingertips pressed up again and she let out a squeak. "I didn't hear that. Speak up, An-chan."

The nickname made her cry out as his fingers dug in deeper, his thumb brushing against her clit as her arms flew around him so she could hide her face in the crook of his neck. Her face was burning, and she was moments from an orgasm that she was certain would make her cry out. His thumb brushed against her clit again, the moisture of her own wetness creating a heat that she was succumbing to with a steady pace.

"I am going to fuck you until your eyes roll back and you pop like a bottle of champagne," Anomie whispered into his ear, feeling him freeze from underneath her. She could feel his trembling from underneath her hands, felt his dick against her thigh, and that was when his tongue slid over her ear. 

"I'll hold you to that promise, Anomie." Kakashi nipped at her ear, picking up pace as his thumb made motions over her clit until she was panting. Swirl and then pause. Press, swirl, and then pause. Her nails made marks over his back, tracing his spine, and she chided herself for all the times they could have been fighting less and doing  this so much more. 

Her eyes rolled back as he laid her back down against the mattress, just watching her reaction as her legs curled around his body. She bit her bottom lip and he realized that if there was anything better than kissing her, it was watching her face contorted in pleasure as he touched her. He doubted there was anything more erotic.

"Did you cum, Anomie?" Kakashi, inexperienced yet oddly talented, asked, his head tilted, mask still around his neck. 

She was still trembling, her spine rushing with the chills, and her body was hypersensitive. She slowly opened her eyes again to see his beautiful face near hers. She licked her lips and slowly laughed. "God where did you learn  that , scarecrow?"

He raised a brow at the nickname, but he still smiled. "I wanted no one to compare."

"Ah," she whispered, stroking her fingers into his hair as his lips went right back to her oversensitive nipples. She closed her eyes, feeling the desire creep right back into her stomach. "What a..." She gasped as he took a nipple in between his teeth so lightly that she doubted it could crack an egg. "Perfectionist you are."

He licked up her breasts again, stopping on her neck and allowing her to hear his ragged breathing. "If I am going to do something, I will be the best at it."

Anomie smiled, wondering how she could have ever been blessed to have someone so perfect. She flipped them over, running her hands over his chest and watching him stare at her through hooded lashes. She felt him pressed against her wet middle, and knew it would take so little to just envelope him. She sent him a wicked smirk, biting her bottom lip. 

"I love that about you," she whispered, and he groaned as she ground herself against him, her voice silky and sweet. 

It was a torturous revenge for embarrassing her, but he wasn't complaining. He placed his hands against her hips, running them up her sides. He was awestruck of the sight of her on top of him, her hair creating wet droplets of water and milk against his chest. She leaned down and kissed them off of him. The motion creating a friction against his dick and he gasped again. 

"I want you to know," she whispered as she trailed kisses up his chest. "Your training has not been in vain. I have never been this aroused in my life."

Kakashi chuckled, but that was when, in one swift motion, her body enveloped his dick and he squeezed his eyes shut when she bucked her hips. His desire to flip them over and fuck her until she screamed ceased when he met her eyes. There was something gentle in them that made him run his hand over her neck to bring her closer as his fingers tangled into her hair. She bucked again with a skillful rotation of her hips that felt better than anything he ever knew. 

Anomie had never looked someone in the eyes when she had sex. She had never let anyone do the things Kakashi had done in the first hour. She never let anybody stare at her like he did, or whisper that they loved her so sweetly that it was a wonder she ever went by without knowing.

With his hips he pulled her along to the edge of sensation and then let her pull back ever so gently, and back and forth and back and forth. She felt as if she were getting ready for a dive, jumping up and down on the end of the mattress just to feel the springs bring them back up. Tighter than she had expected. Though she offered no resistance and came right before he did. 

And he just stared at her the entire time, even as he tucked her under the covers and held her close. His hand was at the small of her back and she was lost in an embrace she never knew how much she needed. 

"I love you," she whispered as the night settled between the two. "I love you." The second and third time came easier, and she let out a breath.

"Say it again," he whispered, his fingers tight around her hair as he pulled her forward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> スイバ (Suiba ) sorrel means affection.


	58. Wasurenagusa

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN  
____________  
–•–

ANOMIE HAD A SPECIFIC SKILL SET THAT MADE IT SIMPLE FOR her to separate herself emotionally when tasked with sex. It was how she got so talented at making men want her more every time they had her. In consequence to that, it also made it hard for her to actually be all there when she was with somebody.

Anomie's eyes ran over Kakashi's face as he rested next to her in bed. She inspected the way his lashes fanned his cheeks, the way his head dug into the pillow, the soft set of his lips, and how his legs had curled around hers from under the covers. It felt as if he hadn't wanted her to go anywhere, as if he were afraid that she'd leave, and she gave him no such reason to not have these fears. Still, staring at him now and watching the way the light snuck in through the curtains was addicting. 

She reached over, as if to touch his face, but he had gripped her wrist before she could get too close. His eyes peaked open, lazy and mismatched, and his grip loosened. His fingers curled down her wrist, over her arm, and pulled her even closer. He closed his eyes and breathed her in, laying his head against her neck.

"You're so clingy," she commented with a giggle as he further encased her in his arms. 

"Shh. You will wake the baby," he muttered, attempting to go back to sleep. Anomie smiled, her heartbeat becoming quick.

"The only baby in this room is you," she retorted with swift amusement. He glanced up at her, resting his chin upon her collarbone as he stared at her with his Sharingan eye closed. 

"You're even prettier in the morning," he whispered, and she felt her heartbeat stall in her chest. Moments later it continued to beat as quick as before.

"I am a mess." She pressed her fingers against her face and turned over so her back was facing him, wishing she had taken off her makeup sometime in the night. Still, in between nearly having sex with him in the bath and actually having sex with him in the bed, other things slipped her mind. Still, she'd never forget the way touched her, so carefully as if she'd break. She'd never forget the way he felt as he kissed softly with small and light pecks over her swollen lips and her tender neck. 

"A mess?" Kakashi chuckled, reaching over to wind his arms around her and kiss her hair. He inhaled the scent of amber and vanilla. "Since when are you not so certain you are the prettiest one in the room?"

Her cheeks were burning, her heart was thumping noisily in her ribs, and she was smiling. "It was true until I saw you this morning. Not sure I can compare anymore."

He laughed now, kissing her neck and watching her giggle at the touch. It was light, airy as she was rolled on her back with him on top, trapping her in between his arms. She inspected the red markings on his skin, the curves of his muscles, the soft glow of his smile, and his eye that seared into her own. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss her, but her hand stopped him, rushing to cup his mouth. He raised both brows in protest, to which she shrugged sheepishly. 

"I don't kiss in the morning," she whispered, her cheeks inflamed and biting her bottom lip. 

He leaned down anyway, forcing her hand to move with him as she slowly gripped his hair while his lips trailed kisses over her head. She closed her eyes, allowing the rather demeaning behavior with a smile. "I'm glad you're in a good mood," she told him, smiling as he nestled in her neck and all but laid on top of her. 

"Shh," he urged, and she snorted. 

"Don't shh me, scarecrow," she told him, but she couldn't help the smile that kept slipping onto her face as glanced over at him through a mop of silver hair. More than that, there was a flutter as if her entire body wanted to float away and might have if he wasn't holding her so tightly. It wasn't a feeling she ever thought she could have. She was happy. "We can't stay here forever."

"We could," he assured her, causing yet another gentle smile to envelop her face. "In bed. Just you and me."

Anomie squeezed her arms around his back, wondering if what she was feeling was normal of love. It was as if she wanted to hug him so tightly that he could not breathe. It was violent and sensual and unlike anything else in her life. Moments later, she flipped them over. She traced her fingertips against his lips, running them over the freckle just below his mouth.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"Admiring your face," she answered, her lips curling yet again. "You hide it so often. I can't help but want to see it more and more."

He smiled again, his eyes shining with barely concealed amusement. He was naked, Anomie remembered with a weakening resolve to saying no to staying in bed all day. That was when he leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. His muscles felt even bigger under her touch, and she traced them with her cold fingertips as they stared in each other's eyes.

"Thank you," she said slowly, and he ran his fingers over her cheek to slide the strands of messy hair away from her face. 

"For what?" Kakashi asked, wondering if she was as happy as he was right now. He began to wonder if all of it were a dream and he'd wake up to a solemn note of reasons why she was wrong for him. 

It wasn't like there weren't many valid points on why she and him were a doomed love story in the pages of a sappy novel. It was that he didn't believe it were possible to call them doomed since he didn't want to give her up. He didn't want to stop touching her or stop feeling what he felt for her. He couldn't. There had been moments where he tried. There had been times when he shoved his feelings away, tucked them underneath loyalty to Konoha and the need to focus on his life. Even times when he attempted to move on with other women, and yet even the smallest touch of another made his blood curdle as if he were doing something that was inherently wrong. 

As if anyone could make him feel the way she made him feel. He hardly felt in control over his own body when she was near. He was content with anything she could give him, knowing that words didn't come easily for her. When she told him snippets of the tiniest guts of her past, he felt sick to his stomach. 

"For looking at me the same as ever," she whispered, letting out a small insecurity through the walls she had surrounded herself in as if she loved the stones. He felt his veins pulsate, as if she had dug her fingers from underneath. 

He gripped her by her waist and flipped them over again so he could feel her from underneath him. Her thigh was pressed against his hips and her lips were curled into an amused grin.

Slowly, that grin faded at his next words. "What happened was not your fault," he told her and now she was drowning. He wondered how she could stop herself from tears and why she felt she had no right to even cry. "You were a child. You didn't have control over anything." He ran his fingers up her cheek, over her nose, and along her lashes. His touch was as light as feathers and just as sweet. "What happened to you..." Kakashi trailed off, his head resting against her collarbone as she realized he had begun to shake. She was barely breathing through it all. "What you went through."

"Does it disgust you?" Anomie asked him, that small voice of hers causing him to shudder.

He looked up at her, his fingers now tracing the feather shaped scar along her neck. "Disgust me?" He was frowning, and he noticed she was breathing hard. He began to wonder why she made it so hard to get close to her, and in the past, he had once considered it was because underneath it all, perhaps she really was the monster everyone labeled her. Then, at times, she allowed him to see past the walls, superficial at first, like her favorite color. 

Kakashi shook his head. _Your favorite color is white. Your favorite hobby is singing, yet you've never let me hear you sing. I have the suspicion that you are afraid of dogs._

"None of that could ever make you disgusting," he whispered, and he listened closely to her pulse. He wanted to hear it all since she so often left her feelings unvoiced. "You are the strongest person I have ever met."

Anomie was silent, and he met her gaze, wishing he could read her mind. He wanted to know everything, every last detail of her fears. He wanted to take meticulous time putting them to rest.

Anomie took a deep breath, as if she was trying to unwind nearly two decades of emotional baggage that was obviously too large to shed in just one day. "I don't think so," she whispered, tracing his arm as she stared up into the ceiling. "I admire you. I adore you."

He sent her another lazy smile. "Go on."

He felt her laugh, pressing his ear further into her skin as if he could meld into her. She spoke again. "All my life, I feel like I've been so angry. I've hurt people. I will hurt more." He froze, his grip tightening around her. "But you. You are so good. Moral. Honorable."

Kakashi shook off the feeling of dread at her words with a lazy smile yet again. "I am also gluttonous, rude, bitter, lazy, callous, and at times insensitive." He leaned closer. "How is it you only see the good in me?" His eyes squeezed shut. "I got two precious people killed. People we both loved."

Anomie was silent, for she was one of the first people who blamed him for Rin's death. She, who loved that girl far more than she should and far more than what was appropriate. She spoke again. "That wasn't your fault either."

"Are you just stealing my words now, An-chan?" Kakashi said, letting out a humorless laugh. His eyes, as always, were unguarded when he looked at her. She grinned, a small giggle escaping before she could tell it otherwise.

"I mean it. It's not my fault you're unoriginal," she told him. "I didn't really know Obito." She paused, thinking through her next words. "But that boy was pure and genuine. He loved Rin and he loved you. He would have been honored to give his life for either of you. You didn't fail him. It was war and it was a war that we came out of at the other side."

Kakashi was staring at her again, and his eyes would trail to her lips, over and over he would trace them. 

"You came out the other side better. You are the kindest man I have ever met." Anomie blinked, wondering when she became so utterly besotted with him. Finally she met his gaze, but his eyes were on her lips, filled with such want that she nearly couldn't breathe. "I adore you."

The heat that fell between them was smoldering and intense when he leaned forward to press his lips against hers. His hands were tangled in her hair, with each silver strand in between his fingers as his legs caged her from underneath him. The electricity that echoed in between was nearly capable of making the both of them speechless. As they had discovered early on, after the first kiss, the idea of kissing always cast a shadow over everything they did. 

She smiled, running her own fingers from under his chest that caged her and towards his closed eye that covered the Sharingan. She traced the scar with a gentle touch that somehow felt even better than her lips. She didn't answer, and she pressed her lips into his for a chaste kiss. She lingered for a moment. She began to wonder again if what they had, the feelings she felt so strongly, was normal for everyone.

"I had sex with the copy cat ninja," she mused with a smile causing him to raise his brows. He understood her desire to lighten up the conversation, but he was thankful she even was talking since she was always the first one to rebuild her extensive walls. "Do you have any idea how many girls in Anbu wanted you?"

"Didn't realize I was a prize," he said with an amused slant of his brow. 

"I once," she said, tracing small kanji into his chest, "saw a new recruit literally stab herself to get you to notice her."

Kakashi tried to hide the smile, but it came out regardless. "I don't remember that."

"Oh I know," Anomie said, a flash of pity taking over her expression. "You just walked right past her and she continued to bleed on the ground."

Now he winced, "I never considered how..."

"Completely disinterested you were in people?" Anomie offered, causing him to poke her nose. "I liked that about you too."

"Meanwhile," he commented, laying down next to her and staring up at the ceiling. In his movements he dragged the blanket off of her, causing him to glance over towards the very naked girl next to him with a smirk. She pulled back the blanket and turned on her side to face him. "You are the girl who managed to reject every advance Genma ever made on you."

Anomie felt her lips twitch up, but slowly she decided to interject, breaking her rule of 'do not kiss and tell'. "Not every advance."

Kakashi's smile disappeared. "Ah."

Obviously he remembered the encounter where Anomie had body flickered up to his apartment in nothing but panties and a shirt with no bra. The scent of another man's cologne had stained her body and another Chakra filled her apartment. That was the first time Kakashi ever felt jealousy. It had been ugly, but it reminded him to reevaluate his supposed feelings for her as being more than what he thought they were.

"Jealous?" Anomie found it endearing, especially since she was new at _whatever it was that they were._ She rather liked that he cared so much about her that he still felt so strongly even after all these years. Still, she couldn't imagine how he would get if he knew just how many people were on her list of 'until she couldn't walk the next morning'.

Kakashi reached over and gripped her by the back of her neck. His lips had pressed against hers, drawing her back into the bed as he climbed over her. Anomie smiled into the kiss, her eyes shutting closed as her naked legs wrapped around his body, bringing him closer into the next embrace. "Anomie," Kakashi whisper, running his lips down her jaw as he glanced towards her again.

"Hm?" Anomie whispered back, still closing her eyes with a serene expression that was not yet showing how ravenously hungry she had started to feel.

"I want to touch every place you were ever so much as grazed," he told her, watching the way her eyes had widened and her lips had tightened into a thin line. He sent her a lazy smile that made her tongue go dry and she found she couldn't properly let out a single word. "Is that okay?"

He actually asked her permission and that much made her feel weak at the knees. Slowly, she felt her heart tremor in her chest and she was nearly shaking when she touched him. She brought her hands up to his face, tracing his lips with the pads of her thumbs as his lazy gaze stayed upon her.

She tried to think up beautiful words, to give him the poetry he always had in abundance for her. She couldn't think of anything. Instead, she held him close to her and pressed her lips up against his, and thus, was the extent of her level of poetry.

●▬▬▬Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ▬▬▬●

Fourteen hours they stayed in bed, and only four of those hours were spent sleeping, two for talking, and the rest were their way of making up for the years of opportunities they missed out on. Once again, on the open road in the land of Rock, Anomie wore stunning silks that reminded him just how much he wanted to rip it off.

"Tell me more about what you did under Orochimaru," Kakashi had asked, and during their talks in bed, he had managed to refrain asking about the Akatsuki or Orochimaru. This was a testament to his self control as Anomie always had a way of running away when the talks got even remotely serious. 

Anomie pauses in between stepping on the rocks to cross the stream because she, and Kakashi could quote this, "would sooner kill my first born than ruin the silk". Kakashi heard the certainty in her tone and began to earnestly worry for any first born child. The fabric was bunched in between her fingers, and she nearly let it go before she turned to him. She spun on her heel, as only she would wear heels to fight. The practicality of telling her anything was a losing battle and she had proven to be able to argue with anything. 

"What do you want to know?" Anomie said, and he raised both brows, jumping on the stone just in front of her. He ran his fingers up her arm, unable to resist any chance to touch her. 

"Good things. Selfless things. Things you are likely not proud of," he said, recalling how she associated being 'good' with being weak or vulnerable. 

Her lips quirked. "Did you know that Orochimaru did yoga?" 

"What?" The mental image was unwelcome.

"You know. Yoga. Downward dog." She trailed her fingers up his chest with a spider motion that was partly flirtatious, mostly mocking. "What we did at 2 in morning."

Kakashi couldn't help the smile that was threatening to build on his face, and judging by the mirth in her eyes, she could see it well enough. "You're lying."

Anomie's smile turned delightfully intoxicating as she took a step back onto the next rock. "Nah. He had this room. No one, not even Kabuto, was allowed inside, but I'm made of smoke so getting inside places I'm not supposed to be isn't exactly an issue." She took another step back, skillfully finding the stones without looking down. 

"That lack of privacy I got in Konoha was a very attractive quality of yours," Kakashi commented in a deadpan, following her steps with his hands in his pockets.

Anomie smiled again. "Inside was filled with candles. At first I thought he was gonna sacrifice a goat or something to Jashin."

"Whose Jashin?"

"Not important." Anomie reached the other side of the bank. "But there he was, doing yoga instead."

Kakashi jumped next to her, his head tilted. "You made that up."

"Did I though?"

"What does that even have to do with selfless things you have done?"

"Selflessly, I told everyone in the base that same story."

"You told them a fake story?"

"The important thing is they believed it, fake or real."

"So was it real?"

Anomie smiled.

"That's the most selfless thing you did under Orochimaru?" Kakashi couldn't keep the exasperation out his voice.

Anomie glanced behind him, her eyes narrow and they both froze. "That's the most selfless thing I've ever done." Her voice was airy, light, and Kakashi sent her a small nod of his head, glancing to the right then the left. She rolled her eyes, but nodded back. 

Quickly, he jumped to the right, and she left. In their place were knives, connected to bombs that exploded on impact. She hissed out a slight groan of annoyance at her singed silk, glancing through the leaves for the enemy who just ruined her evening. She saw nothing but the empty air and waited for the next sound. She awaited any noise, any snap of a branch, a sigh, a spike of Chakra. Still, she heard nothing.

"Boo," a voice whispered from behind her. Anomie barely had time to dodge a blade that went to strike the back of her neck. Anomie's wakizashi barely stopped the attack, and the metal on metal contact revertibrarted across her arms as the force knocked her off the branch. She landed on her feet, but the ripped silk got caught on her foot, causing her to stumble backwards. The fall put her at a serious disadvantage as the blade of the enemy ninja sliced through the air towards her. Anomie, having dropped her blade, was underprepared for the gust of wind in the air that made turning into smoke dangerous.

Kakashi's tanto blocked the attack, his eye activated with the Sharingan as the enemy ninja, a woman with dark black hair in two intricate buns, gave him a bored deadpan. Her eyes were a bright silver, her skin as pale as a cloud, and her body wrapped in black, only succeeding to make her even paler. 

"Copy cat ninja helping a criminal?" The girl finally let out a cat like smile that wasn't the least bit amused. "Interesting."

"Izana Asa," he greeted slowly, recognizing the Izana clan heiress in all her splendor. The Izana girl had glitter on her cheekbones, bright orange eyeshadow that dusted well along her eyes, and stunningly dark red lips. When she stood up straight, Anomie took note of the remarkable height, the long legs, outlined through the black skin tight jumpsuit that an acrobat might wear. One leg was bare, covered in glitter and tattoos of lotus flowers. On her feet were ballet flats, the tie working its way in loops until it reached her calf.

"You embarrassed my sister," Asa said, her eyes in a smooth deadpan. 

Anomie saw bits of Tsukasa's cheekbones and eyes in Asa's face, as well as the smooth curvature of her jaw. They could have been twins, if not for Tsukasa's bright orange hair in contrast to Asa's raven tied strands. They did, however, have very similar auras. Anomie might compare the feeling to that of death.

"Izana Kira?" Anomie remembered the girl who fought Jiraiya and offered in not so subtle a way to have an orgy before or after she chopped off some limbs. Kira's strength was massive, her Chakra overpowering, and—

"Such a weakling," Asa whispered, taking a step closer yet again. "I am prepared to offer you a deal."

"Making a deal with an Izana?" Anomie said, earning a smile from Asa.

"I'm not talking to you," the raven haired woman announced, her eyes on Kakashi. "What do you say handsome? I'm getting the feeling there is some arrangement we can agree upon that ends with the relic in my hands and everyone leaving with happy smiles."

Kakashi raised a brow, his grip on his tanto still tight, feeling out the area for a way to get through without fighting the Izana clan leader. Anomie was likely wishing for the same since Kira alone had nearly overpowered Jiraiya, and Asa just called _her a weakling_. More than that, Anomie wasn't certain she had had the Chakra or the energy to fight in yet another battle. Mangetsu had all but drained her, and she was still filled with ash from using the Ho'ou's powers. Like a double edged blade, Mangetsu was killed, but Anomie had an open wound that had yet to close. 

"What would you do with the stone?" Kakashi asked, and everyone knew that he was stalling for time, thinking of a plan that wouldn't end with the grass bloody and burnt. 

Asa tilted her head to the side. "Swallow it. Grind herbs. Use it for a paper weight. What does it matter?"

"It matters." Kakashi's grip tightened.

"You have no use for it. I do." Asa took a step forward. "You plan to destroy it. Why else would you be so close to an active volcano?"

"Honeymooning actually," Anomie said with a bitter smile. "How about you fish it from the magma?"

Asa's lips, bright red and shining, curled up. Her Chakra level was hidden, as if she were talking to two wild animals and she didn't want to scare them. She even looked at them like prey. "I could do that, but it'd get my outfit quite dirty. How about, instead, you hand over the relic and I give you whatever that black heart of yours desires."

"I desire no one to have the power to control a demon," Kakashi said, and Asa's blank gaze swept over him. She did have a different personality that Kira, who had bordered on psychotic. Anomie had a feeling this one could be reasoned with, and perhaps, they could get away without a fight in which Anomie would be of no help. 

"Ah," Asa whispered, long lashes sweeping her cheeks like feathers of a fan. Bits of paint, golden and sparkling, glittered in the sun as she swept her bangs past her ears. "Is that right? Control a demon? You mean the tailed demons?" Asa's lips curled into a smile. "I heard that the temple was ransacked. It had once been safe there, no thanks to you." Her gaze flickered to Anomie with an expression of disdain. "You ruin everything, you know that?"

Anomie shrugged. "I've been told."

"It doesn't control demons," Asa said. "Does that satisfy you into giving it to me?"

"What does it do, if not that?" Anomie knew Izana had a reputation of never lying, so her attention was drawn to the girl. 

"That's easy. It was created by a family, the Kumiko line, that sealed two gods, the first gods of the world, grown from the branches of a special tree." Asa said this casually, as if it were a known secret or she were talking about more butter on her toast. "That which you are holding is no stone. It is a seed."

Kakashi almost jumped when Asa appeared in front of him, only centimeters below his height with her fingers pressed against Kakashi's chest. Anomie's wakizaki was already at Asa's throat, and one move would cause the skin to split apart. "Seed to what? Finish your story and remove your hand," Anomie said, and Asa smiled again.

"Relax a bit, Koneko," Asa told her, seemingly unbothered by the blade at her throat. Her eyes returned to Kakashi. "I am as uninterested in killing the Copy Cat Ninja as I am in killing you. I told you. I want to make a deal."

"What deal could you offer when what we want to do is to destroy it and what you want is it in your hands?" Kakashi asked, unnerved by Asa's touch as her fingers dug into his chest where the seed rested in the pockets of his jacket. 

"My deal is simple. With the seed in your possession, you may do whatever it is you like. Your lives will go on for I will not fight you, and should your girlfriend stay out of trouble, which I doubt, she might live to the old age of 30 years old." Asa's eyes scanned Anomie's face, and the girl froze as the information passed on how many years she had left. The Ho'ou had taken everything else, but how Asa knew that was what unnerved her. "If you give me the seed, I will give you the means to regain your years." Asa's eyes ran over to Anomie. "You can live a full and pointless life."

"What is she talking about?" Kakashi knew Anomie had her secrets, and he tried to respect that, but if this was her secret, his blood was already ice. 

"It's a deal I made," Anomie said, ignoring Kakashi. "How would you possibly interfere?"

"Because that which you made this deal with is a dishonest beast of thing. They call themselves the Ho'ou, do they not?" Asa removed her hand from Kakashi's chest, her eyes running to Anomie's face, down to the feather burn along her neck. "I recognized the burn mark. It must like you to lend so much power. They are not summonings, Anomie. They were born from the branches of the god tree, and the seed of which you hold." Asa's eyes ran back to Kakashi. "It does not control demons. It can give birth to a new tree, should the beasts Yin and Yang come together to fertilize it."

"This is a bit far fetched," Kakashi said, his voice cold and menacing. Likely, he was already thinking over Asa's words, and judging by the way he was avoiding Anomie's glance, he was unhappy with the new revaluation. 

Asa shrugged. "Believe me or don't. I care not. The deal stands, for I am not looking to fight the copy cat ninja or the one who bares the mark of Yin." Asa raised her hand, and in the once empty palm a small card appeared with the face of the queen of hearts. "My sister loves card tricks and I admit they do strike my fancy." She held out the queen of hearts to Anomie. "I will give you 12 hours to decide what is you wish to do. You are roughly two hours away from the next village. Three hours away from Mount Fukojima." Anomie grabbed the card with a suspicious once over of the girl in front of her. "If you wish to destroy the seed with fire, of which I am uncertain is even possible, you may do so. If not, there is a den called the Mangerie. You should be quite familiar with their services. Find the Weeping Lady and give that card. I will know then that you have accepted my offer."

"What do you want with the seed?" Kakashi finally asked, and Asa sent him a graceful side eye as she took a step away from the both of them.

"I don't want to plant in my garden, assure you of that." Asa smirked, giving them a bow. "The beast of Yin is not to be triffled with, dear Koneko. It is a malicious sort, waiting for any oppertunity to be free. It can offer you crowns laden with diamonds, but the moment you place that upon your head, it will seize the moment to destroy everything."

"How do you know of this?" Anomie asked, and Kakashi's wary eyes followed her motion as her fingers reaching up to touch the tender skin of the feather burn upon her neck. He felt a moment of cold sickness, creeping up and down his spine as he attempted to clear the burning in his throat.

"In my family, we know intimately of the gods," was all Asa said. "12 hours. I recommend a true discussion on what is really important." Asa's narrow eyes ran over to the Copy Cat Ninja. "A single seed or the life of your paramour."

In a swirl of dead leaves, Asa disappeared.

Author's Note

Wasurenagusa (勿忘草) - Forget-Me-Not which is a symbol of fidelity and being truthful to someone you love. 

Such a thing is ironic since the point of this chapter is that Anomie is never truthful with him. In the last chapter, Anomie and Kakashi finally did the deed, which I actually did depict in very graphic detail on my patreon. I made a creative decision to not put a sex scene in this series as I felt it would ruin the flow of the chapters. Also, it's a bit embarrassing aha. 

Oh my gosh, this chapter took so long and for that, I am deeply sorry. I had quite a few reasons for my shit updating skills this year. I thought, oh my gosh, quarantine means I can get shit done. Instead, I fell in love and got my heart broken all at once, which doesn't make for a great writing environment. 

Still, that's life and it's so important to keep moving on and learning from those mistakes. 


End file.
